ZWI: Impact Wrestling Uncaged Preview

This Friday, Impact Wrestling will present its Uncaged special, which will feature a battle between Team Impact and Team AAA, as well as Johnny Impact defending his championship in a Fatal Four-Way against Moose, Killer Kross, and Brian Cage.

While I do hope to address a few of the other matches on the Uncaged card, it really is the main event that has piqued my interest, as it is my opinion that not everything is as it seems on the surface. And while it may appear that the deck has been stacked against Johnny, I just can’t shake this feeling that everything is going to plan.

Johnny himself did a great job this past Friday night as he showed us an angry, almost distraught man, frustrated as he found out during an interview backstage that his rematch with Cage had now been turned into the Fatal Four-Way. And, as luck would have it, Cage was right there waiting, ready to kick a little sand in the downtrodden champion’s face. Feeling himself, Cage would mention how it sucks when you get screwed, an obvious reference to the conclusion of his last encounter with Johnny, back at Homecoming in January.

Remember, it was towards the end of the match that, for reasons that still boggle the mind of this columnist, members of the Survivor cast were allowed to interfere with Brian Cage, which somehow forced the referee to completely abandon the action and instead admonish the rowdy fans. This allowed Johnny to – ahem – survive and eventually win the match after a miracle roll-up.

Now with Johnny facing off against three men who all want to not only take his belt, but to hurt the champion, it sure looks like all the breaks that the company was giving him have finally come to an end.

And, like I said, knowing the workings of Impact Management, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if this is all a giant setup to take Cage down one more time. To remind him that he may be the Machine, but he’ll never be the Champ.

It was almost two weeks ago that I first started to become suspicious. Johnny and Cage would team up to face Kross and Moose, and while there’s obvious tension between the former, it looked as if they wanted to stay a focused unit so that they could defeat their dangerous, violent opponents. And really, if you’re not bringing your absolute best against Kross and this rejuvenated Moose, you’re really only risking your career.

The conclusion of the match would see Cage and Impact get into a minor altercation after a Johnny boot connected with his partner’s face. Cage would throw a discus clothesline at his partner, and threaten with another one before Moose hit Johnny with the spear, giving his team the win. It made Cage look like an overreacting jerk, while the poor champion – who simply made a mistake! – was left to suffer the loss as his partner watched. And, as Don Callis noted – the pinfall meant that Johnny had now suffered losses (visual or real) to Cage, Moose, and Kross in recent weeks.

Poor Johnny Impact. There’s just no way he can overcome this challenge.

Unless, of course, this is where we’re supposed to be. Unless Johnny and Impact Management finally threw enough money at two men happy to take it in Moose and Killer Kross. It’s not hard for Johnny to maybe time that kick so that it’s a little delayed, giving Kross enough time to move. It’s not out of the realm for Johnny to let Moose hit that spear, so that they could draw Cage in a little bit deeper.

It’s no secret that Brian Cage is the one matchup that everyone on the roster tries to avoid. He’s a nightmare matchup whether you’re an X Division aerial wizard, a technical master, or even a brute. His mix of power, speed, and agility means that he will usually possess one attribute that his opponent lacks, if not two of them.

A reign as Impact Champion would be a nightmare for Management, who like to have a feel of chaos heading into their big events. There’d be no question who was going to win if Cage would be the champion. The only question would be what type of foul play would it take to get the belt off of him. And, of course, losing a championship in such questionable terms would only get him an immediate rematch, and this cycle would continue forever.

No, it’s much better to just make sure he never gets to the top of the mountain in the first place.

So Johnny calls his old friend Killer Kross. Sure, they’ve not gotten along so well in Impact Wrestling, but this is still the man who, as recently as two years ago, helped Johnny win AAA’s Mega Championship, Latin American Championship, and World Cruiserweight Championship. Johnny knows that as much as Kross loves violence, he loves being reimbursed for it even more. That was an easy person to get on his side.

Moose, while slightly more difficult to get due to his actual dislike of Johnny, is still easily swayed by the soothing words of his friend Kross. Kross could paint a picture of riches and luxury, fancy clothes and hot women, that would easily get Moose to once again put championship aspirations to the side in favor of the easier road to living large. It’s pretty clear that Moose values comfort of life over the pride of being a champion, anyways.

And so, just a couple days away from Uncaged as of this writing, it seems that everything has fallen into place, if I’m indeed correct. Johnny Impact is seen as the one being screwed over. He’s the one with these three monster opponents. He’s the one that’s had his character questioned, and his wife attacked, all while he simply tried to be a fighting champion. That’s the story we’re being told, at least.

I just won’t be the one that’s shocked and horrified when the smoke clears and Johnny has suckered Cage into another fool’s errand, all with the help of a couple of his friends.

Winner, and STILL Impact Champion: Johnny Impact

I could be wrong. I’ve been wrong plenty of times. But Johnny Impact is not the guy that I’m going to trust in every situation. He’s always been about protecting his spot, and this should be no different. Brian Cage is walking into a trap.

Other Predictions

Knockouts Championship, Street Fight: Taya Valkyrie vs. Tessa Blanchard: Taya’s done well as a willing pawn in Johnny’s grand scheme, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t been up to her own plans as well. Relying on Gail Kim’s help to become champion in the first place, she gladly taunted Tessa while the latter was suspended. I assume more corporate hijinx to maintain the Royal Couple of Impact, but we know the rules around here: I always pick Tessa Blanchard. Because she rules.
Winner, and ONCE AGAIN Knockouts Champion: Tessa Blanchard

Team AAA (Puma King, Psycho Clown, The Lucha Brothers) vs. Team Impact (E_Li_Drake, Eddie Edwards, Sami Callihan, and Fallah Bahh): Great talent all around, as well as Psycho Clown (I still haven’t forgiven him for unmasking Wagner, okay?!). The Lucha Brothers are obviously on a roll after winning the Tag Team Titles this past Friday in an incredible encounter, and Puma King is always dangerous. Meanwhile, Team Impact features two former World Champions, the most dangerous man on the roster, and one of the biggest. I expect Team AAA to stick and move for as long as they can, but eventually the Gravy Train is going to catch up to you, and run you over.
Winners: Team Impact

This looks to be an incredible night of action on Friday, so make sure you don’t miss it!