411’s TNA Impact Report 2.28.08

TNA Impact Begins…NOW!
-We get a video package, detailing the events of last week.

-Angle warms up for his match with Nash as Karen comes in to talk to him. She has something to say and thinks it is more important than the match. She thinks that they were a bit hard on each other, and should go back to thinking the way they did when they dated. She wants to start over. Angle now says the jealousy deal didn’t work, and mocks Gator Land. He says it is simple, and on their wedding day he stated that he was the boss and if she listened things would be ok. She mentions missing things when they are gone, and he says he can live without her. She leaves upset and Angle goes back to doing squats.

-West and Tenay welcome us to the show and then they rundown the card for the night.

-Booker T makes his way to the ring. Booker is all about doing things face to face, so tonight he is calling out Robert Roode to meet face to face and take his ass whooping. Miss Banks comes out instead and this doesn’t please Booker. She says Roode isn’t here, but he will be coming to the show. He asked her to deliver a message and she slaps Booker. OH SNAP! Traci Brooks hits the ring and she tackles Banks and they brawl. Booker cheers on Traci as security breaks up the brawl.

-We now go to a video of Team 3D trying to cut weight. Ray wants to go to a Chinese buffet, but Devon stresses the diet. Devine eats cheesecake and other sweets while Devon loads up on ribs, ray throws a fit because he wants chocolate cake. They try to order food and the guy refuses because of their diet. They then hit the salad bar, which Ray hates.

-JB is with Steiner and Petey. Petey doesn’t know what to say, but thanks to Steiner he has an X-Division title shot and he will bring back the title to Canada. Steiner says they had a misunderstanding, on Petey’s side. He likes that Petey has a heart of a lion. He then tells Petey to shut up and mocks Dutt and his lack of hair. If Petey passes the test he will be ready for the initiation.

-As Petey and Steiner come to the ring, Steiner gives Petey posing tips. Tremendous.

Black Machismo and Sonjay Dutt vs. Scott Steiner and Petey Williams w/Rocka Chan

Dutt and Petey to begin. Lock up, off the ropes and an arm drag by Dutt. A head scissors follows and then an arm drag. Arm wringer by Dutt, Petey escapes and gets a spin kick and then poses. Rights by Petey, off the ropes and a leg lariat by Dutt. Steiner and Machismo in, they brawl and Machismo with a suicide dive to Petey. Val checks on Machismo as Rocka scares her away. We head to a commercial @ 2:00.

Back from commercial @ 5:10 with Steiner working over Machismo. Press slam by Steiner and then a clothesline sends Machismo to the floor. Rocka tosses Machismo into the steel steps, and then Petey tosses Machismo back in. To the corner they go, chops by Steiner and Machismo is down. Belly to belly by Steiner gets 2. Tag to Petey, boots to Machismo and then rights. A suplex by Petey and then into a chinlock with the arm trapped. Machismo fights out, and manages a tag. Dropkicks and a head scissors by Dutt. Springboard elbow to Petey and then a spinebuster. Moonsault connects for 2. Machismo in with a missile dropkick and superkick to Steiner. Up top, but Petey tosses him off to the floor. Steiner hits Dutt with the briefcase…CANADIAN DESTROYER to Dutt and that is all.

Winners: Scott Steiner and Petey Williams @ 8:15 via pin

A fine little bout there, not great but solid. Petey gets a win heading towards the PPV as his relationship with Steiner grows and thankfully Machismo didn’t take the pin.
Rating: **

-More diet fun with 3D. Devine takes them to a bakery. Ray hugs the case of sweets and wants fudge. They then starts eating from the candy dispensers, and Devine makes then spit it out. Devine lectures them about will power, and then catches Ray with a bunch of jawbreakers in his mouth.

-JB is with Eric Young. JB scares him because Eric is hiding. He is hiding from the monsters. They tried to take Kaz’s soul last week. Kaz shows up and Eric is happy that he is ok. Sure he got his ass kicked last week, but he is here to kick ass this week. He shows Eric a bunch of photos of monsters, and explains that they are all fake and being played by actors. Count Chocula, Hilary Clinton, all playing a part. Eric discusses gremlins, and Kaz tries to tell Eric that there is an alter ego inside him waiting to come out as well.

-Team 3D come to the ring for their match and we get another video. Ray says Devon cannot turn down BBQ. Devon threatens him to move. Devon gives the password and goes for a plate. Devon then tells the guy that they buy too much meat per week, and they can’t buy anymore.

-Holy shit the new Curry Man entrance video is awesome!

-3D goes to weigh in, and Ray says that they worked hard and will make weight. Devon fails the weigh in. Ray asks if Devon was sneaking food, and then he weighs in. he fails as well! Ray strips down a bit and drops the shirt, elbow pads and boots. So does Devon. Ray is down to his Looney Tunes boxers! They both then pull socks out of their pants! They both fail again! They get DQ’d and that is that.

-JB is with Karen Angle. JB asks where it all goes from here. She asks for them to turn the camera off. AJ is here to save the day. He says Kurt isn’t very sensitive. Wrestlers fight for a living, and sometimes it comes out in every day life. Kurt loves her, and he doesn’t mean what he says. Karen says AJ isn’t like that, and she feels special. AJ promises to talk to Kurt for her.

-Back in the ring and Sharky is pissed. After a commercial break Sharky doesn’t just want his hand raised. He came to whip some BASS. If you want see that, give him a SHELL yeah. They’ll take on anyone, Hall and Oates, Fred and Barney, Brad and Angelina, small guys, big guys, they aren’t scared. Rellik and Black Reign answer the challenge.

Curry Man and Shark Boy vs. Team 3D Rellik and Black Reign w/RAT

Black Reign and Rellik beat down Sharky and Curry Man. Sharky is tossed to the floor and after they beat down Curry Man, Sharky is back in and tries to fight them off. Thesz Press to Black Reign, but Rellik with the big boot. Curry Man runs wild now, up top and a cross body to Black Reign. Ray is out now and this allows Devine to nail Curry Man with the cane. Black Reign covers for 2. Curry Man with a dive onto 3D and Devine. Kaz is out and beats down Devine, nails Black Reign and a Stunner by Sharky finishes it.

After the match Rellik tries to beat them down and Kaz, 3D and Devine are all in. Devine gets a table and Eric Young is out. He charges in and fights this time. But the monsters see him and he runs away. Young Kaz then eats a powerbomb through a table from the 2nd rope.

Winners: Curry Man and Shark Boy @ 2:10 via pin

Not much of a match, but what we got was ok as they worked hard but 2-miutes is not enough to do anything. The big problem is when they try to cram 800 things into such a short time, it is all white noise and is hard to follow. Less is more.
Rating: ½*

-Crystal is waiting for Roode to arrive and he does. He knows Booker is looking for him. He is here and tonight the running stops, and the legend of Booker T falls.

-We get a video package on the history of VKM. Some debut stuff from BG, the 3LK days and the debut of Kip. We see the James Gang days and the change to the VKM. Unfortunately it is a good video package for a bad feud. But I appreciate the effort.

-Next week the camera will follow BG and Kip and we’ll see their lives behind the scenes.

-Robert Roode and miss Banks come to the ring. Roode says if Booker is looking for him, he is here. He is sick of the stalking and the threats. He is sick of hearing what Booker will do when he gets him. No more words, the talking is over, no more running. Come out here and meet him face to face. Better yet, come out here and meet his fist, the same one that had his skanky wife’s blood on it. Booker is out and they brawl. To the floor and then back in and Booker is in control. Banks in and Booker grabs her, but Roode gets a DDT and lays Booker out. They handcuff Booker to the ropes and Roode then lays the boots to Booker. He takes his belt off and Brooks is out to make the save, and she tackles Roode! Banks takes her down and she chokes her out with the belt. They then handcuff her to the ropes as well. Roode and banks proceed to whip Booker and Brooks. Booker keeps saying, “I’m gonna kill you” as he gets whipped. Security is in and finally stops this.

-We get replays of the beating from before the commercial break.

-At Destination X we will see Elevation X. We get a video package hyping the match and the danger of it. Rock on, this is the little shit that you need to do to hype matches.

-Crystal is with Jackie and Storm. Storm has been partying and says he can’t be climbing a ladder. Jackie says he has to end his fears, because if he is afraid he will die. Storm says that he did all of the big spots in AMW, but now he has a messed up equilibrium. He claims that he is not afraid. Jackie tells him to remove the base from his voice. She know she is afraid, but he has to get over it. Storm says she isn’t in the match and has no room to speak. She tells him it is like AA and that he has to take it one day at a time.

-Storm’s music has been “WWEized” as it has his catchphrase before the music hits.

DRINKING TITLE LADDER MATCH: James Storm vs. Eric Young ©

They brawl on the ramp and Eric takes Storm down and gets the ladder in the ring. He then dropkicks it into Storm. He misses as he tries again and Storm nails him with the ladder. Storm peels back the padding on the floor and then tries a suplex, blocked and Eric suplexes him onto the floor. We’ll head to a commercial @ 1:15.

Back from commercial @ 4:30 as Storm gets tossed to the apron and then gets an Enziguri to Eric, sending him to the floor. Storm gets another ladder and nails Eric in the head with it. He sets it up between the ring and railing and slams it into the chest of Storm. Storm in the ring now and sets the ladder to climb, but he shows fear and hesitates. Jackie yells at him and Eric is back and they got to the apron. Eric blocks a suplex, but Storm superkicks Eric and he falls onto and off of the ladder. Storm climbs ever so slowly, and then Jackie is in to yell at him. She tries to help him and then she climbs up and gets the title for him. Jackie is more of a man than Storm.

Winner: James Storm @ 7:37

Do I even need to discuss that again we are having a match for a “title” that is based off of drinking ability? Ok, good. Do I need to mention that we’re giving away a ladder match on free TV for a fake title belt that is based off of drinking ability? Ok, good. Head hurts now. As far as the match goes, it was highly uneventful and was more about Storm being afraid of heights.
Rating: *

-After the match Rhino fucking turns Storm inside out with a GORE, GORE, GORE! James Storm sells a gore like no other man. Rhino then steals the drinking championship.

-JB is with Angle. AJ comes in and says they need to talk. AJ apologizes for the kiss with Karen. Angle asks for tips on Nash, but AJ is here to talk about Karen. AJ says she was crying with JB and Angle laughs and says she cries all the time, like any other woman. AJ says to treat her with respect, and they could have a better relationship. Angle says it is just what she does. He also says she is a bitch and AJ says to take it back. Angle says AJ better help him win his match and refuses to take it back.

-We get a video on Kong’s path of destruction in TNA thus far.

NON-TITLE MATCH: Angelina Love w/Velvet Sky vs. Awesome Kong © w/Riesha Saeed

This cannot possibly end well for young Angelina Love. Apparently Roxxi had a premonition that Love would be hurt. See, I told you so! The ref is afraid to check on Kong, and while he does Love attacks Kong. She takes the fight to her, chops, rights, forearms and kicks. She tries the jawbreaker, but Kong just stands there. Kong catches her and slams her to a corner. Chops by Kong and Love is down. Love tries to battle back but Kong just clubs her down. Kong slams her to a corner and then clotheslines her down. The camel clutch is applied by Kong and that had to suck. An Irish whip and kicks by Love stop Kong. Chops by Love, off the ropes and a knee by Love. Bicycle kick connects and a jawbreaker. Love up top…cross body caught…Love escapes but eats the spinning back fist. Implant buster by Kong, who then stands over Love for a moment before killing her with the KONG BOMB~! That’s all.

Winner: Awesome Kong @ 4:15 via pin

This was good stuff. An extended squash basically, but they gave Love enough to be a fine little fire filled baby face while not weakening Kong at all. Kong looked like a killer, and with recent events and the after match events they have laid the foundation. That being that if Gail and ODB can work together they can have success. If not, Kong is an unstoppable killing machine.
Rating: *½

-Sky is in to check on Kong as we get a replay of the destruction. ODB then comes out with a mic. She says in 10-days they will find out who the knockout of all knockouts is. Gail was the first champ and Kong may be big and bad, but the two of them have nothing on ODB. They will learn the hardway that ODB is just not another pretty face. Kim attacks Kong from behind and then gets laid out. ODB hits the ring and attacks. Kong then KILLS her with a clothesline! Bomb try, but Gail runs up off of ODB and gets an Enziguri! Kim and ODB then work her over and get a double dropkick. They then double spear Kong and then dump her over the top rope. ODB and Kim stand off and argue.

NON-TITLE MATCH: Kevin Nash w/Christian Cage and Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle © w/AJ Styles and Tomko

Nash stalks Angle, lock up, to the corner and they break. Tomko gives Angle some advice, Angle with a go behind and cannot take Nash down. Nash backs him to the corner, they break, Nash misses a right as Angle dives away from that. They go toe-to-toe and Angle talks shit and nails Nash with a right. Another and Nash is just pissed. He levels Angle with a right, to the corner and the elbow and knee treatment from Nash. The big back elbow drops Angle. Nash goes for a slam, Angle with leg kicks, off the ropes and a big boot by Nash followed by a clothesline takes Angle to the floor. Joe, Cage, AJ and Tomko all brawl now on the floor (Angle started it when he hit Joe) and the ref sends everyone to the back. We’ll head to a commercial @ 3:20.

Back from a commercial @ 6:50 as Nash is in control until he misses a bog boot in the ropes. This allows Angle to work the legs and get the chop block. Angle drops an elbow to the knee, and then works a leg lock. Angle now drops down into the figure four. Nash works for the ropes, turns the hold for a moment but Angle keeps control. He tries for the ropes again, this is very familiar to the Nash vs. Roode match I saw on the UWF house show not that long ago. The hold has been on forever now, like two-minutes, seriously. Nash finally turns the hold and Angle has to grab the ropes. Nash then manages a desperation chokeslam and limps wild with rights to Angle. Angle off the ropes, side slam by Nash gets 2. Nash for the powerbomb, Angle rolls through and gets the ankle lock. Nash kicks him off, and then Angle misses a charge and hits the steel post. Karen is out to check on Kurt, and she pleads with him and he ends up knocking her down. Nash tosses him back in and JB checks on Karen. AJ is out and Karen is bleeding from the mouth. Earl to the floor to get AJ out, and Nash gets the jackknife and covers Angle, but there is no ref. Nash is pissed and Angle then gets a LOW BLOW and Angle slam. He covers and the ref is back for the pin.

AJ pulls a Hogan and carries Karen to the back as Kurt celebrates his win.

Winner: Kurt Angle @ 13:40 via pin

Not that I want to see it on PPV, or that it would do a lot of buys or anything, but they hyped this as the first ever singles meeting of Nash and Angle. Way to keep giving things away TNA. I didn’t expect much, but this was a perfectly acceptable match. I could have done with out the stuff at the end, but I do expect that from TNA.
Rating: **

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