wrestling / TV Reports
Csonka’s TNA One Night Only September 2016 Review
Image Credit: Impact Wrestling
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Csonka’s TNA One Night Only September2016 Review
OFFICIAL RESULTS
– Grado and Jade defeated Eli Drake and Sienna @ 8:15 via pin [DUD]
– The Tribunal defeated The BroMans @ 10:33 via pin [½*]
– Moose defeated DJ Z @ 8:55 via pin [**]
– Mahabali Shera defeated Rockstar Spud @ 7:30 via pin [THE DIRT FUCKING WORST]
– Tyrus defeated Crazzy Steve @ 5:50 via pin [*]
– No DQ Match: Marti Bell defeated Madison Rayne @ 5:55 via pin [*]
– Drew Galloway defeated Andrew Everett @ 11:40 via pin [***½]
– EC3 defeated Trevor Lee @ 8:58 via pin [***]
– Mike Bennett defeated Braxton Sutter @ 9:50 via pin [**]
– Lashley defeated Eddie Edwards @ via pin [***]
– There is no commentary on this show. I do not know if this is an intentional decision or a mistake. Pope and Mathews were at ringside.
– Eli Drake is out to start off the show. Drake stood around while 20 or so people did dueling chants. He says he is here to win, and that he always wins, even when he loses. This may surprise you, but he said DUMMY a lot. After rambling on seemingly forever, doing his best Rock rip off promo when discussing Sienna, who will be his tag team partner tonight. I mean, if you’re going to steal, steal from the best. He basically said that Sienna wanted him bad, and she disagreed with that sentiment. Drake then told her that they just had to come together, he tried to put his arm around her and she shoved him away. Grado then made his way out. Grado says this reminds him of the love connection, and wants to play the game show. Sienna wants no part of this. Grado rambled on about nothing and then said he and his partner would beat their asses, and then Jade arrived.
Grado and Jade vs. Eli Drake and Sienna: They did some comedy and teased various pairing to begin, with everyone taking turns tagging in and out. After two-minutes of grab ass, Drake and Grado finally started the match. Drake hit some shoulder blocks, and then Grado tripped him up and sent him to the floor. Grado and Jade then sent Sienna to the floor, with Jade hitting a suicide dive as Grado slowly hit an axe handle off the apron to Drake. Back in Grado tried to work the arm, Sienna yelled at Grado and faked a fall to the floor, which allowed Drake to take control. Sienna and Drake took turns working the heat on Grado, they argued and Jade pulled Grado to the corner and tagged in. Sienna cut her off with the sack of shit slam and Drake tagged in. He messed around with Jade and ate a tornado DDT. Grado got the luke warm tag, he worked over Drake and ate a kick from Jade. Drake cut off Grado with a clothesline and tagged in Sienna, he then fondled her ass so she slapped him. They argued, Grado and Jade hit the flip-flop and fly and Grado then pulled down Drake’s tights. Package piledriver on Sienna finished it. Well that was very, very bad, it was about comedy and literally grab ass, and it wasn’t even good comedy as the crowd was completely flat for this. This was not a good way to kick off the show.
– Eddie Edwards cuts a promo about his match with Lashley tonight.
– Grado and Jade talk backstage, Jade has no clue what he’s saying. She tells him to use an American accent, he does and she understands now. They think they can be tag team champions.
The Tribunal (Basile Baraka and Baron Dax) w/Al Snow vs. The BroMans (Robbie and Jessie) w/Raquel: Basic back and forth to begin, with Robbie trying to outwrestle Baraka. Baraka tagged out and he tried to out power Robbie, and did so with shoulder blocks. Jessie tagged in, he used his speed and hit a dropkick and then tagged Robbie back in and they double teamed Dax. The Tribunal then cut off Robbie and worked him over in their corner to take control. The Tribunal has the blandest and least threatening offense I have seen in years. They make mean faces and do very little, Robbie sold well enough but there is nothing to this. Jessie tagged in, ran wild on Dax with a springboard lariat and dropkick for a near fall. It broke down, the Tribunal got slammed together Jessie got the Adonis lock. Snow interfered; Dax fell down at one point as Baraka worked over Jessie in their corner. Snow got involved again as The Tribunal do things and no one cares. I have no clue why these guys were signed. Jessie eventually it an electric chair, made the comeback on both the Tribunal and tagged in Robbie to no reaction. He ran wild with clotheslines and a Thesz press, hit the boom drop and then a plancha onto Dax. Bless him he’s trying. Jessie in with Baraka and Snow AGAIN gets involved, but Raquel kicked the powder into his face. Snow ate the BroDown, but Dax then rolled up Robbie with the tights for the win. This was also rather horrible. It went to long, it had no real heat or sense of urgency, and featured too much bullshit.
– DJ Z cuts a promo; he plans to defeat Moose tonight.
Moose vs. DJ Z: This is the basic speed vs. power match. DJ Z got some early spots in, using the speed advantage, but Moose cut him off and dropkicked him to the floor. Moose rolled DJ Z back in, leading to DJ Z hitting a baseball slide dropkick and then a back elbow off of the apron. Moose quickly put a stop to that and whipped DJ Z to the barricade repeatedly. That led to a countout tease, but DJ Z made it back in, and Moose hitting a snake eyes for a near fall. He took the heat, slowly working over DJ Z with jab and almost begging for the crowd to chant Moose to each punch. Moose then ran up the ropes for a high cross and missed, but it looked cool. DJ Z fired back with rights, but Moose leveled him with an uppercut. After missing the corner charge, DJ Z hit a running meteora for a near fall. DJ Z went up top and tried for the tornado DDT, but Moose dropped him on his head as he suplexed him to the corner. DJ Z countered the rainmaker rip off into a superkick and then ran into a bicycle kick. Moose tried for the sit out powerbomb, but DJ Z hit a RANA to counter. Moose rolled to the apron, got sent out the floor and DJ Z hit a head scissors and then a dive, but was caught; he still managed to hit a RANA out of that to sent Moose to the post. Back in, DJ Z ate a dropkick as he spring boarded in and ate the rainmaker rip off for the win. This was another match that just lacked energy. They did stuff, they went back and forth a lot and the crowd never really got into it. It was painfully average, and disappointing as I felt that this had a ton of potential. Moose does some extremely athletic things, but when he has to lead a match, leaves a lot to be desired.
– Mike and Maria talked.
– Spud cut a pre-match promo, and ran down Shera for making a mockery of the industry. Shera says if he wins that Spud has to do his dance. Spud agrees, but says if he wins, Shera can never do the dance again. Shera agrees.
Mahabali Shera vs. Rockstar Spud: Spud yells at the crowd a lot to begin, Shera tries to dance and they finally start to wrestle. Shera did a go behind and then made Spud dance. COMEDY. More yelling from Spud, Shera mocks him for being small and offers to fight him from his knees. Shoot me now. The ref also drops to a knee and pretends to want to fight, this is stalling that would make Larry Zbyszko proud. Spud slaps Shera, we get a Scooby-Doo chase scene and Spud then grabs a chair and threatens to use it. Shera attacked, tossing Spud to the corner with Shera being so slow that Spud is bumping before he even tosses him to the corer. This is embarrassingly bad, Shera chases Spud as he runs up the ramp and drags him back to the ring. Spud attacked as Shera got back into the ring, they messed up an Irish whip counter and then Shera hit punches in the corner and danced with his balls in Spud’s face. Spud shoved the ref and then hit a low blow. He tried to work the leg, Shera shoved him away and hit some sloppy rights and then a slam. Spud fought off a powerbomb, slipped off of Shera and fell to the mat. Shera sat on him and won. That was the dirt fucking worst of professional wrestling.
– Post match, Shera, Pope, a random chick and Spud danced until Spud kicked Shera in the balls.
– Moose says that DJ Z is tough, but he is here to make a difference and to win some gold.
– Crazzy Steve cuts a promo about his match with Tyrus. He’s going to paint a portrait of violence with Tyrus’ blood and it will be perfect.
– Rosemary cuts a promo about Tyrus being the Fixer. He says that they are perfect, and Tyrus steals the mic and “defends” Rosemary for being as odd looking as she is and having the courage to come out to the ring. Rosemary tries to continue and Tyrus steals the mic and calls them the worst clowns ever and worst goth kids ever.
Tyrus vs. Crazzy Steve w/Rosemary: Hey, Tyrus still has a job. Steve attacks because he was upset with Tyrus, but Tyrus tosses him to the floor. Rosemary demands that he kill Tyrus, Steve runs at him and Tyrus knocks him down and acts like he’s not even there. Tyrus is just tossing Steve around like a job guy here, Rosemary then gets involved and distracts Tyrus enough for Steve to take out his knee and hit a shining wizard. He posts Tyrus’ knee a few times and then Rosemary choke shim out in the ropes. Steve hit a cannonball and Tyrus just lays in the corner doing a piss poor sell job. Steve hits a DDT as we have near total silence in the Impact Zone. Steve clubs away at Tyrus, who shakes him off and takes control back, hitting suplexes and is not selling the knee at all. A crone splash follows, Rosemary gets involved, Steve accidentally hits her and Tyrus hits the world’s strongest slam for the win. That was no good at all, and a poor match making decision. Tyrus barely sold anything and treated Steve like a joke, there was no heat and there was too much bullshit with Rosemary that ended up making her and Steve look like fools. I have no cue why Tyrus is still employed. Steve tried really hard, but Tyrus gave him nothing.
– Spud ranted about Shera and having to do the Shera shuffle.
– Marti runs down Rayne for being a cheerleader, and doesn’t care that she’s been Knockouts Champion multiple times. Where Bell comes from, they don’t wrestle, they fight. Bell calls for a NO DQ match, Rayne accepts.
No DQ Match: Marti Bell vs. Madison Rayne: Rayne attacks at the bell and takes control right away. Bell bailed to the floor, and runs to the back. Rayne follows and drags Bell back out. Back in the ring Bell choked out Rayne with her baton, and then tossed Rayne to the floor. She slammed her to the steps and did a lot of yelling. This is so enthralling that the people in the front row and having random conversations and checking their phones. Bell did such horrible things as standing on Rayne’s hair and yelling that her hair was prettier. Rayne tried to make a comeback and then they did a double down. Bell got her baton; Rayne took it from her and missed. She then just went on offense and hit dropkicks and a sloppy facebuster/neck breaker combo for a near fall. Rayne got a rollup for 2, then a sunset flip but Bell grabbed the baton, hit her and won. Well that wasn’t any good either. The match was slow, sloppy and lacked all of the energy. Also, the no DQ stipulation added nothing as all they used was the baton few times.
– Lee and Everett cut a promo about their matches with Galloway and EC3.
– Tyrus cut a promo, saying he’s been away doing movies and Fox News, but now he’s back to be the Fixer that TNA needs.
– Drew Galloway cuts a promo about his match with Everett. He puts over Everett and says that he’s looking forward to bringing him down to earth.
Drew Galloway vs. Andrew Everett: Everett hits Galloway low before the bell and takes control for a bit. He seemingly just pissed off Galloway, who hit a great overhead belly to belly and then laid in some stiff chops. Galloway tossing short dudes around is a ton of fun, and Everett is selling it perfectly with great bumps. Galloway looked to work the leg, but ate a kick to the face and then a RANA. Galloway to the floor and caught Everett on the dive and then slammed him to the apron. Galloway had the fans hold Everett as he laid in stiff chops, which Everett sold like death. Back in the ring, Everett hit a desperation Enziguri and then dropkicked Galloway, sending him to the post. Galloway fell to the floor, where Everett connected with a Sasuke special and then hoped to pick up a count out victory. Galloway got to his feet, so Everett hit the dropkick and then slammed Galloway to the barricade. Everett then kicked Galloway into the post, this has a great energy so far and actually feels like they are trying to have a good match. Back in the ring, Galloway fought back with chops, but Everett cut him off and then followed with a springboard spin kick for the near fall. Everett up top now, dove off but Galloway caught him and hit a side back breaker. Galloway ran wild, decapitating Everett with a lariat off the top. Everett managed to escape the future shock into a cradle for a near fall. Galloway then hit the reverse Alabama slam to counter a reverse RANA, missed the claymore allowing Everett to hit a springboard kick. Galloway to the floor and Everett spiked him with a DDT off of the apron. Back in the ring, Everett MISSES the 630, leading to Galloway hitting a spinning future shock for the win. This was a very good match, with a good layout and both guys working well together despite the size difference. Galloway is really fun when he’s allowed to do his thing, and was very giving to Everett here, making him look good before taking the win. This was the first thing worth watching on the show.
EC3 vs. Trevor Lee: Ugh we got comedy early as Lee chased away EC3 with his stinky arm pits, I shit you not. Once they dropped that, we got the basic back and forth beginning and EC3 scoring with the dropkick. They traded chops for a big and EC3 then press slammed Lee and gave the ropes the Ultimate Warrior shake and hit a running splash for 2. Lee posted EC3 and sent him to the floor, hit the PK off the apron and that got 2. Lee grounded EC3 for a bit, and then EC3 fired up and hit a Stinger splash and a flapjack. Lee countered the one percenter into the running double stomp for 2. EC3 fought off the German suplex and then hit a sitout powerbomb for a near fall. Lee worked for an arm bar and pulled EC3 to the mat, but EC3 was up almost immediately and leveled Lee with a lariat for the double down. They slowly traded strikes, and then Lee ht the German suplex for a near fall. EC3 rolled to the floor, countered the PK and slammed Lee to the apron. Back in, EC3 countered God’s last gift into the cutter, and then the one percenter for the win. This was a good match, similar to the previous one where the star gave the other man a lot before winning.
– For some reason, Mike Bennett is talking again. He said, “Yes we do” a lot, and told Sutter that he could be something with his guidance. He said that if we don’t like what he has to say that he could leave, but he was lying. Bennett says that he’s the best wrestler on the planet and doesn’t need Maria to win. Sutter then told Bennett to retrieve his balls from Maria’s purse.
Mike Bennett vs. Braxton Sutter: Bennett attacked and the bell sounded. He worked over Sutter for a minute or so, and then Sutter fired up with rights and slammed Bennett to the corners repeatedly. He teased stomping on Bennett’s balls, and then hit a falcon arrow (HE DID THE DEAL) for a near fall. They brawled to the floor, Bennett tried to use Maria as a shield, they argued and Sutter punched Bennett in the face. Maria yelled at him, allowing Bennett to slam him to the steps a few times. No one cared about this match, as the crowd chanted, “WE WANT ALLIE” at Maria as Bennett worked the heatless heat segment. Bennett hit repeated kicks to the head. Bennett up top, and then dropped down because Sutter rolled away. He slammed him and went up top, but had to drop down again. Sutter finally scored with a boot and then Bennett missed the corner charge. He made the comeback, hitting clotheslines and a snap slam. Maria then distracted Sutter; Bennett almost hit her, leading t a sloppy back and forth. Sutter escaped the miracle in progress, Maria tried to help again and Sutter got a roll up for a near fall. Sutter AGAIN argued with Maria, and Bennett got the miracle in progress and won. This was perfectly average, they worked a house show match that no one cared about.
– The Tribunal talked about their win, Al Snow complained about the BroMans attacking him and then claimed his ass was better than Raquel’s. Why do any of these men have jobs?
– We get highlights of what has happened so far on the show, which isn’t much.
Lashley vs. Eddie Edwards: Lashley controlled early and then dropped to the floor, took the mic and said he wouldn’t waste his time on these X-Division guys. Lashley told Edwards to take a walk, he refused and the match continued with Edwards sending Lashley to the floor and hitting a plancha. Lashley cut him off and slammed him to the steps a few times and claimed that this was like a day off. Back in the ring, Lashley stomped away on Edwards and then choked him out in the ropes. Lashley then grounded Edwards, working the chinlock. Edwards managed a jawbreaker, but ran right into a spinebuster for the near fall. Lashley hit repeated shoulder blocks in the corner as he continues his lackadaisical heat segment. This lacks the fire of a good Lashley match, where he feels like a killer. It is just slow, with a lot of rest holds and an occasional suplex. Lashley missed the spear, but then hit a clothesline right away for 2. Back to the chinlock for Lashley, Edwards managed to get to his feet, escape and hit a dropkick off the second rope for a double down. Edwards started to put offense together, hitting series o strikes and then hitting a DDT. Edwards hit some kicks to the head, set Lashley up top and followed. He connected with a RANA off the ropes, which got the near fall. Lashley was again sent to the floor, but the dive was caught and he hit an overhead belly to belly on Edwards. Lashley slammed Edwards to the steps and then stomped on his face. Edwards managed to sweep his legs and then hit a slingshot double stomp onto Lashley. Back in Edwards missed a top rope double stomp and Lashley hit the spear to pick up the win. The match was good from an execution standpoint, the work was clean and Edwards was a believable threat, but it just missed the heat an emotion of their matches from earlier in the year. It had no soul to it, but I appreciated the work.
– The show ended at 10:43M ET.
– End scene.
– Thanks for reading.
“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”
I have no idea what happened with the commentary. Mathews did in and outs for some videos and such, and he and Pope were at ringside. I am guessing that they either never upped the volume on commentary or tried to get rid of it, because at times during the show you could hear almost whispers, muted speech, which I think was the commentary track. Either way, it came off poorly from a production standpoint, but was a joy to be because Mathews and Pope are not good announcers.
Anyway, avoid this show at all costs, Impact is way better on a weekly basis and doesn’t cost you $15.
