The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (1.22.1994)

-Originally aired January 22 (Happy birthday to my brother!), 1994.

-We’re in Chilhowie, VA.

-Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Dutch Mantell. Dirty White Boy gets drawn for Beat the Champ, but he’s main eventing the next giant house show for the belt, so what Dutch really means is “We’re going to have an angle.”

MOONDOGS (with Jim Cornette) vs JASON HERD & ROBBIE EAGLE
-After seeing Spot as a jobber in his mid-8s WWF run, the weight he put on in the next eight years is actually pretty scary.

-Moondogs maul the jobbers with weapons. They break a pool cue on Jason Herd (“the son of Jim Herd,” according to Dutch) and for some reason, the referee will let everything slide except the pool cue, so we have a DQ win for the jobbers.

-We hear from the Bruise Brothers. They’re coming back on February 13 for a cage match against the Moondogs. The original suspension was for 90 days, and last week they were doing a bit where they were crossing off the days with tally marks on the wall, and here they’ve added a whole bunch of extra tally marks to the wall to account for the drastically accelerated 90 days.

-Back to the ring, Moondogs are still beating on Jim Herd’s kid.

-We go to Morristown, TN for house show action. Dirty White Boy gets his hands on Tammy Fytch’s purse and KOs Brian Lee for the win. Post-match stipulation says that Dirty White Girl gets to fight Tammy. Lee revives and KOs DWB, but DWG is game and attempts to fight both Tammy and Brian. That’s a losing battle and DWB comes back to life to help his girl, but suddenly Chris Candido shows up and helps Brian Lee double-team DWB until Tracy Smothers shows up and cleans house. Tammy maces Tracy, though, so Candido & Lee maul him too.

-Back to Bob Caudle with DWB. Tracy Smothers walks out and finally officially makes peace with DWB, and they announce that they’ve signed on for a tag team match against Lee and Candido. Moving on to February 13 and the Bloody Sunday house show, Dirty White Boy announces that he’s signed for a Tennessee Chain Match for the SMW Heavyweight Title, and that Ron Wright will be walking to the ring with him…walking, no more wheelchair.

-Tammy Fytch whines and cries because if she gets blood all over her clothes during the chain match, she won’t be able to dry clean them and Brian won’t make enough money as an EX-champion to buy her a new wardrobe. “I have to call Daddy!” Brian Matthews responds with the driest delivery possible of “You do that.”

LOUIE SPICOLLI vs JEFF VICTORY
-Spicolli has come to SMW to challenge Chris Candido for the US Jr. Heavyweight Title. I need to know the maximum weight for that belt right now. And Bob even says on commentary that Louie moves well “for a man his size.”

-Spinkick and a shot to the gut by Spicolli for two. Elbows and boots by Spicolli. Victory reverses an Irish whip, but charges and runs right into an elbow. Superkick by Spicolli, and a back-first bodypress off the top rope gives Spicolli the win.

-The Bullet admits that he signed the worst contract ever for February 13, but he wants this issue finished so badly that he’s agreeing to Jim Cornette’s terrible stipulations: Texas death match against Terry Funk; if the Bullet loses, Bullet unmasks, Bob Armstrong leaves SMW, and Cornette gets his feet kissed.

DOWN AND DIRTY WITH DUTCH
-Jim Cornette doesn’t regret last week’s incident with Paul Morton. The old man assaulted him and Cornette was just trying to defend himself. Funny bit as Cornette takes credit for the punch that knocked him down and Tom Prichard corrects him. “No, I did that, Jim.” “Okay, well, I kicked him after he fell.” Rock & Roll Express shows up and chases everybody off.

-Another house show promo; this one’s at a high school, and the Rock & Roll Express/Midnight Express match has a tremendous stipulation: Jim Cornette is handcuffed to the principal.

-Furnas Brothers are ready for Helmet on a Pole action. Doug Furnas, as a pure redneck jock, shows more personality here than I’ve ever seen him show under any other circumstances at any other time in his career.

-Cornette and the Heavenly Bodies storm out, furious that they’re being forced to wrestle twice at Sunday Bloody Sunday. They rant and rave until the Rock & Roll Express shows up and chases them off AGAIN.

-Your Sunday Bloody Sunday card:
SMW Title, Tennessee Chain Match: Brian Lee vs. Dirty White Boy
Texas Death Match: The Bullet vs Jim Cornette
Helmet on a Pole: Furnas Brothers vs Heavenly Bodies
Cage match: Moondogs vs Bruise Brothers
Lights Out match: Rock & Roll Express vs Heavenly Bodies

PRINCE KHARIS (with Darryl Van Horne) vs JASON WEST
-Van Horne does an incantation to summon his 3,000-year-old mummy to the ring. Jason West charges at him and a bunch of dust flies off. Kharis chokes out West and kicks him. Imagine Zeus, but slower.

-Darryl Van Horne goes on a commentary rant about Long Dong Silver, Lorena Bobbit, and “Dirty White Girl’s voodoo butter underpants.” The crazy part is after THAT, something gets muted. What the hell crosses the line after that tirade???

-Kharis chokes West some more. Clubbering forearm blow knocks West unconscious, and the referee stops the bout.

BEAT THE CHAMP TV TITLE: “Suicide Blonde” CHRIS CANDIDO (Champion) vs DIRTY WHITE BOY (with Dirty White Girl)
-Roll-up right away by Candido for two. He does a celebratory strut while DWB just stares and laughs at him. Candido rams him into the turnbuckle. DWB no-sells and headbutts him. Candido hiptosses DWB, but DWB just gets mad and mows him down with a clothesline on his next attempt.

-Tammy Fytch arrives at ringside and everyone wonders why Tammy Fytch is with Chris Candido, while in real life, many observers wondered the opposite. Candido uses the distraction to his advantage, attacking from behind and clamping on a headlock. DWB elbows free and backdrops Candido. Candido connects with the loaded purse to get himself DQed. Another brawl between Tammy and Dirty White Girl starts to break out. Candido holds her back while Brian Lee sneaks him and clotheslines DWB from behind. He gets DWB’s chain and strangles him with it until Tracy Smothers comes to the rescue.

5.7

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

There's definitely an ending approaching to the main event angle, as they've gone about as far as they can with Dirty White Boy and Brian Lee as possible and it's really time for both of them to find new opponents. Other than that, not much is going on. Darryl Van Horne is a great talent but the mummy is a duddy and Darryl can only carry it so far.