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The Name on the Marquee: WWF Prime Time Wrestling (5.5.1986)

January 29, 2015 | Posted by Adam Nedeff
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The Name on the Marquee: WWF Prime Time Wrestling (5.5.1986)  

-Originally aired May 5, 1986.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan.

FUNK BROTHERS (with Jimmy Hart) vs. JEFF GRIPLEY & IVAN MACDONALD
-This was taped in February, hence the presence of Terry. This is shortly after Dory’s arrival, and Gorilla, misreading his memo, announces him as “Dory Funk, Jr.” but says that he wants to be known by the nickname “Horse.”

-Terry tosses MacDonald right out to the floor, where Dory is waiting to ram him into the barricade. Terry intentionally lets MacDonald make a tag just so he can beat up a fresh man and headbutts Gripley about 300 times before Dory adds a suplex medley. Terry works the arm as Gorilla corrects himself and says Dory wants to be called “Hoss.”

-Funks double-team Gripley in the corner as the fans chant “JYD” to remind Terry of why he’s getting out. Gripley is already legally dead when Terry comes in to work the leg, and Dory finishes with the cloverleaf to get a submission.

-Gorilla and The Brain discuss the Bulldogs’ title win at Wrestlemania 2, which is absolutely the only match that anybody had any desire to talk about after that show. Heenan says that the finish constitutes an illegal double team and Valentine & Beefcake should still be champions.

-Gorilla asks if Bobby Heenan remembers Salvatore Bellomo. Heenan initially thinks it’s a cheap brand of terrible-tasting wine, but then remembers that was his opponent at his MSG wrestling debut.

BOBBY “The Brain” HEENAN vs. SALVATORE BELLOMO
-And so we backtrack a year and a half to Heenan’s first match at MSG. Lord Alfred Hayes says that prior to coming to the WWF, Heenan got a lot of experience in “the smaller halls and arenas” and tells us that Heenan experienced the absolute pits of the wrestling business.

-Lock-ups don’t go anywhere, so Heenan just throws a closed fist and then ducks through the ropes to get the referee’s protection. Salvatore throws a punch, and when the referee reprimands him, Bellomo shows that his hand is open and the MSG crowd cheers for it to tell the referee “Yes, it was an open hand.”

-Bellomo turns a standing wristlock into an armdrag and then dropkicks Heenan into the post and unloads up him until Heenan goes out to the floor. Back inside, it’s a slugfest until Heenan gouges the eyes and applies a chinlock. The giant Oscar the Grouch in the background advertising “Sesame Street Live!” is a bit distracting.

-Heenan  works the back. Double shoulderblock knocks out both men, but Heenan gets the worst of it because he stumbles into the corner and hits a turnbuckle HARD on his way down. So Bellomo recovers first and fires headbutts into Heenan’s sternum. Heenan pokes the eye because that worked before, after all, and he tosses Bellomo outside.

-Heenan snaps Bellomo’s neck over the top rope and celebrates prematurely while Sal recovers. Sal slingshots himself back in and goes for a sunset flip, but Heenan gives him a hard right hand and sits on top of him to get the three-count. Finish was a lot messier than it sounds actually, as it appeared that Heenan was supposed to hold the rope through the whole count and didn’t do it.

-Gene Okerlund chats to Slick Nik and Sheiky Baby again.

BRIAN BLAIR vs. IRON MIKE SHARPE
-Going way back to 1984 again for this one. Sharpe promptly retreats to the apron to stall. Then he retreats to the corner to stall. Sharpe finally applies a standing wristlock, but Blair turns it into a hammerlock. Sharpe retreats to the apron again. Sharpe sweeps the leg and Blair kicks him away. Criss-cross doesn’t go anywhere. Another criss-cross and Blair dropkicks Sharpe. He follows with a series of armdrags and another dropkick that sends Sharpe to the floor.
-Back in the ring, Sharpe goes to the eyes to turn the tide. Irish whip is reversed and Blair monkeyflips him. Flying headscissors follows, and Sharpe sells it so dramatically that he winds up over the barricade, in the crowd, and fairly close to the exit. He gets back into the ring quickly, with Gorilla explaining that he came back to the ring because “He didn’t have a ticket.” I guess Indiana Jones is running floor security tonight.

-Sharpe offers a gentlemanly handshake and Blair punches him down. Blair starts going to work on the leg with elbows and a toehold. Sharpe goes to the eyes and gives him a hard chop. Knee to the head and Blair goes down. Hiptoss by Sharpe, then a backbreaker. Blair goes to the eyes and goes for a slam, but his back goes out and Sharpe lands on top for two. Sharpe goes to the eyes and rams Blair into the turnbuckles. He throws Blair to the floor and goes after him with boots. He sends Blair into the barricade and celebrates inside the ring. He keeps attacking Blair on the apron to keep him out of the ring. Blair crawls to the opposite side of the ring and attacks Sharpe from behind. Elbow from the second rope sends Sharpe out to the floor. Blair goes after him with an elbow off the apron. Fistfight erupts as the referee counts to ten, and we have a double count-out. Once Iron Mike got the stalling out of his system, it became a fun match.

-Gorilla asks Bobby to explain what a manager does. He gives a pretty straightforward explanation of booking airline and hotel reservations and signing contracts. I somehow like the fact that The Brain gave a completely reasonable answer to that.

-“Why do wrestlers wear masks?” Heenan explains a bit of strategy that would never occur to me. If your opponent can’t see your face, he won’t know how much particular moves hurt or don’t hurt you. And that leads us to:

LEAPING LANNY POFFO vs. THE GLADIATOR
-Your commentary team for this one: Gorilla Monsoon & Greg Valentine. Valentine says he can turn cartwheels and backflips better than Leaping Lanny. He simply prefers not to, you see.

-Poffo works the arm. Gladiator goes to the mat and trips him with a drop toehold. Lanny barrel-rolls out of it, but gets armdragged right back down and caught in armscissors. Neat little exchange with Lanny backflipping out over and over, but Gladiator holds on for dear life and keeps the hold locked on. Another discussion that you never ever hear breaks out, as Greg explains granting title shots to contenders. If it’s not a number-one contender, a title defense is optional, although if demand is strong enough from fans, you have to grant that title shot or you lose face. On the other hand, if a team is officially declared number-one contenders, a title defense is mandatory. Well, there you have it.

-Lanny, meanwhile, shows some fire, giving the Gladiator a hard slam and then finishing him off with the moonsault for three. Very straightforward mat wrestling exhibition, but the crowd was into it and so was I.

-Gorilla asks for more clarification about managerial duties. Heenan explains that he doesn’t directly oversee training or diet for his men, but he can tell when one of his men is out of shape, which leads Gorilla to immediately ask about King Kong Bundy, and Heenan has to clarify what he meant.

-Mean Gene talks to Randy Savage. He talks about getting an advanced copy of his good friend Rod Stewart’s next album and asks Elizabeth to tell the fans how proud she is. Randy invites Gene to ask Elizabeth a question, but in an awesome bit, he notices that Gene is wearing a flower in his buttonhole and changes his mind. “You’re NOT planning on giving that flower to Elizabeth, are you?!” And he decides that this interview is over.

LINDA GONZALEZ vs. DONNA CHRISTIANELLO
-Johnny Valiant joins your commentary team for this one. Donna looks to be in her early fifties, Linda in her early twenties, and they look weirdly alike.

-Stepover toehold by Donna while Greg voices his disapproval of lady wrestling and says women shouldn’t wrestle for the same reason that Greg shouldn’t wash a dish. There’s a huge visible blood stain on the mat and the commentators all point out that the action is so intense that the ladies’ lipstick is smearing in the ring.

-Donna applies an odd-looking chinlock with a camera angle that makes it look like she’s sitting on Gonzalez’ face. Meanwhile, Johnny Valiant takes credit for causing Barry Windham to retire from professional wrestling, and then we get a heated debate and whether or not these women are attractive.

-Linda wins with a sunset flip, which Johnny attributes to her Latin fire.

TONY ATLAS & TONY GAREA vs. STEVE LOMBARDI & THE MENACE
-Today, the face team’s names would be seen as a problem and one of them would be renamed something like Bench Garea. Tonight’s game of musical commentary continues, with Gorilla now joined by Ernie Ladd.

-Criss-cross between Garea and Atlas ends with a bowling shoe-ugly attempt at a kneelift. Atlas tags in and goes for a monkeyflip off the ropes. Lombardi bounces off the ropes, reaches Atlas, and realizes that he’s not ready, so he stops in mid-run, waits for Tony to lift his legs fully, and then politely arranges himself into position for the monkeyflip. Lombardi’s having a REALLY off-night.

-Menace clamps headscissors onto Garea, then slams him. He misses an elbow and Garea takes advantage with a backdrop. Atlas press slams the Menace and splashes him for three.

HART FOUNDATION (with Jimmy Hart) vs. RON DEE & MARIO MANCINI
-And now Gorilla’s alone on commentary, with only himself and his hot dog water farts to blame for driving away three commentary partners in a row. Brett and Not-Quite-Super-But-At-Least-Average Mario start. Headbutt and an elbow by Brett while Jimmy taunts the fans at ringside with the megaphone.

-Anvil tosses him to the concrete, where Brett gives him a hard slam that may terminate this youngster’s career. Dee goes over to check on him and it turns into a trap, with the Foundation laying a beating on both men on the floor. Harts are getting really impressive heat this week.

-Ron Dee tags in and almost immediately walks into a Hart Attack, and that’s it.

TED ARCIDI vs. CHUCK SIMPSON
-Simpson tries a shoulderblock but hits a brick wall. Arcidi slams him down. He tries to biel throw Simpson and Simpson pretty much does it for him. He goes out to the floor for a breather and comes back in and gets beheaded with a clothesline. Body vice gives Arcidi the win by submission.

BIG JOHN STUDD & KING KONG BUNDY (with Bobby Heenan) vs. JIM POWERS & MICHAEL SAXON
-Oh happy day, Michael Saxon has made it to WWE Network! And here’s Vince to explain the punchline by letting us know that we’re seeing Michael Saxon, not Michael Jackson.

-Bundy & Studd do all of their fat guy moves on Powers and Saxon tags in while Vince mentions a recent New York Daily News article in which Bundy issued a challenge to Refrigerator Perry. I’m actually a LITTLE surprised that nothing came of that.

-Studd hiptosses Saxon while a big “Andre” chant goes up in the arena. Studd pounds Saxon in the corner and tags in Bundy, who avalanches Saxon to finish with the five-count. Tremendous perfectly timed moment with a fan in the background holding up a “5!” sign the moment that the referee counts three, so it’s like Bundy has subtitles.

 

 

4.0
The final score: review Poor
The 411
The two 1984 matches are interesting little curiosities, but the rest of the show just goes in one ear and out the other.
legend

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WWE, Adam Nedeff