The Smackdown Breakdown 09.16.05

Smackdown – 09/16/05

From Little Rock, Ark.

Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

Chris Benoit vs. Christian.

Someone get Christian a lackey. He looks naked out there. Orlando Jordan interrupts before a match can begin. He says he won’t allow himself to be a joke for the history books. Benoit takes him down into the Crippler Crossface, allowing Christian to jump him from behind. Christian and Jordan stomp Benoit down until Booker T makes the save. If you’re going to crib from Raw, atleast wait a week.

Chris Benoit & Booker T (w/Sharmell) vs. Orlando Jordan & Christian.

Booker T hiptosses Christian but misses a Scissors Kick. Booker gets a spinebuster, but Jordan distracts him long enough for Christian to attack from behind. Hebner actually catches OJ and Christian trying to switch off without tagging. OJ snags a chinlock, but Booker elbows out of it and delivers the BOOK END! Benoit gets the hot tag. Snap suplex to Christian. Snap suplex of OJ onto Christian. He goes for the Sharpshooter, but Christian is in the ropes. Christian thumbs the eyes and goes for the Unprettier, but Benoit reverses to the Crippler Crossface. OJ breaks it up and knocks Sharmell over trying to escape. As Booker goes to check on her, OJ jumps him from behind and rams him into the ring steps. Benoit gets the Rolling Germans, but OJ breaks up the Swandive Headbutt. Christian hits Benoit with the Unprettier for the win. *1/4

In the back, Batista flirts with the Diva’s and breaks up a potential sale of some Simon System.

Theodore Long and Palmer Cannon introduce Batista. The sexual tension is palpable between Cannon and Batista. Batista wants to know who his #1 Contender is. Teddy is about to announce Rey Mysterio (one would assume), but Cannon yanks the mic away from him and announces Eddy Guerrero. Eddy quotes some Leonard Cohen and says his worst addiction was to manipulation. Manipulation is great, you put it in a spoon, run it over a burner for about sixty seconds — high all day. His new addiction is to respect and honor. He’s the new Eddy Guerrero. He offers friendship to Batista. Batista gives him a hug, which Eddy makes Eddy a little uncomfortable. Eddy’s promo was boring at first, but got better as he went on. The segment showed a bigger problem, though, with Cannon and Long. Everyone can see where this is going, so it’s just a matter of waiting for it to happen, which is going to get boring in a hurry.

Randy Orton and his dad gloat about his win against the Undertaker and pat themselves on the back about whatever is in the U-Haul behind them.

WWE Tag Team Titles: Road Warrior Animal & Heidenreich vs. MNM (w/Melina).

Heidenreich has some pretty cool make-up there. He needs to complete the transformation with the full length black tights, though. Mercury ducks out of the ring and gets mauled by Animal. Animal sets him up on the top, but Nitro comes in and superkicks Animal in the back. Mercury settles into a sleeper but runs into a powerslam. Heidenreich gets the hot tag. Big boot to Nitro. Big boot to Mercury. Melina crawls in to distract Heidenreich, but it backfires. He gives MNM a double face jam. They break off and brawl, but MNM catches Heidenreich and blasts him with the belt. Unfortunately for them, Referee Charles Robinson sees them and disqualifies the challengers. Solid match, though. *1/4

Elsewhere, Eddy Guerrero interrupts Teddy Long’s scolding of Palmer Cannon to thank him from making his dream come true. Cannon tells Long to think about what a great story it is.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio.

Rey has new music by Mad One & Rey himself. Rey avoids JBL to start but gets caught with a clubbing blow. He comes back with a sunset flip, but JBL blocks it with a fist. Rey sets up for the 619 early, but JBL pops up and knocks him down with a shoulderblock. A swinging neckbreaker gets two for JBL. Rey battles back but gets caught in a bearhug. JBL goes for the fallaway slam, but Rey counters to a Tornado DDT. Rey dropkicks him in the face, but they’re near the ropes. BRONCOBUSTER! He goes for a Monkey Flip, but JBL simply shoves him down. JBL tries the Clothesline from Hell, but Rey dropkicks him in the knee. He gets the 619, but JBL blocks the vertical splash. Rey slips off his shoulder and springboards into a moonsault bodypress for the surprise win. *

Eddy has apparently joined the booking team along with Long and Cannon. He says that Nunzio belongs on Smackdown — facing Batista.

In the back, JBL isn’t in the mood for an interview, but Ken Kennedy is! He is single-handedly changing Friday nights, don’t you know. He makes fun of Josh for smelling and then rips off both Austin Powers and Booker T.

Ken Kennedy vs. Jacque Plinksin

Kennedy is sounding more and more like Road Dogg every week. It doesn’t last long as Snake Plinskin falls victim to the Front Rolling Slam. Looks like another win for Mr. Kennedy…

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…Kennedy. 1/4*

Batista vs. Nunzio.

I don’t think we’re going to see another big man versus little man upset. Eddy comes out to watch as Nunzio runs into a shoudlerblock. Vito tries to pull Nunzio to safety, but Batista pulls both men in and tosses Nunzio into Vito. Vito provides enough distraction for Nunzio to get a missile dropkick. That’s about it, though, as Batista comes back and finishes with the Demonbomb moments later. Eddy gives him a standing ovation. 1/4*

Randy Orton and papa share a laugh about whatever they brought in their U-Haul.

JBL invites Jillian The Problem Solver The Fixer to come to work for him. She thinks they can work something out.

Randy Orton vs. The Undertaker

No Bob to accompany Orton, so he must be driving the U-Haul. Taker shoulderblocks him down, but Orton comes back with a hiptoss. Taker works the arm by slamming it over the turnbuckle. He takes Orton down into a wakigatame. Burchill should start using the Tombstone then. Taker goes for the Old School Forearm, but Orton crotches him. He superplexes Taker to the canvas and asks for the truck. Taker sits up as the truck backs up. Orton DDTs him to keep him down. The crew unloads a casket from the U-Haul. We come back to Orton holding a chinlock. Wait! Let me pick myself up off the floor here. Orton? Chinlock? The hell you say! Taker elbows out of it, but he runs right into a dropkick. Back to the chinlock, but he’s using the ropes! Taker Hulks up and lays in the soupbones. Randy slips off the Taker’s shoulder as he goes for the Tombstone. Randy counters to the stretch neckbreaker. They duke it out, which the Undertaker wins. Taker drops Orton with a flying clothesline. Snake Eyes. Big Boot. Legdrop. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Randy kicks his way out of it. Undertaker clotheslines him over the top and chases Bob Jr to the back. Taker opens the casket, intending to throw Orton in, but he sees himself in the casket. That was a really bad piece of editing from a normally competent crew. Back inside, Orton avoids the Last Ride and hits the RKO, but Undertaker had already clotheslined the ref accidentally. Bob returns with a new ref. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Taker kicks out and chokeslams Orton. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Taker shoves Orton away on an RKO attempt and then finishes with the Tombstone. **3/4

Final Thoughts: A better-than-usual show, as the JBL era seems to be over after 17 impressive months. Taker going over is just another step backward, though, unless Randy gets really vicious after the loss. Eddy seems like a good choice for Batista, especially after six months of him facing off against big guys. I’m not really interested in any of the other storylines, though.

J.D. Dunn