411’s WWE WrestleMania 26 Report 03.28.10

Hey yo. Welcome to the granddaddy of them all, the biggest night of the year, the Super Bowl of wrestling…WrestleMania. I’m Chris Lansdell and I have you covered for all the happenings. Tonight’s extra special guest host is the man who is faster than lightning, stronger than steel, smarter than a speeding bullet…

And now, on with our story!

Welcome everyone, to 411’s LIVE WrestleMania coverage! Who’s pumped? You pumped? I’m pumped. I’ve been watching wrestling since Friday night and this is the culmination of Geek-Out Weekend for me. Let’s see those predictions folks!

411’s Rob McNew is LIVE at the event and tells me that the dark match is a 26-man Battle Royal: Henry, Cryme Tyme, Goldust, Yoshi, Santino, Primo, Funaki, Jesse, Wang Yang, Masters, Kozlov, Khali, Finlay, Regal, Gallows, Carlito, Reks, Ryder, Archer, Knox, Croft, Baretta, Kidd, and Smith, with the NXT Rookies watching from the stage. Here’s a shot of the set:

Yoshi Tatsu wins the battle royal, last eliminating Zack Ryder. The roof is now open at the arena.

HERE! WE! GO!

Justin Roberts welcomes us. I am begging for a “You’re not Finkel!” chant. Fantastic Burrito is singing America the Beautiful. The three rows closest to her just got swallowed up. She’s really just not good. At all.

Opening video montage focuses on WrestleMania moments.

WWE Unified Tag Team champions Miz & Big Show vs. R-Truth & John Morrison

R-Truth is first down the ramp. Good choice, the crowd gets into him and the match should be pretty good. Morrison’s entrance now has pyro. Side note: in the last 3 Manias, Morrison has opened twice and been bumped to the pre-show once. Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and Matt Striker are your hosts. Miz is out with his attack dog, and Miz has a trench coat. No, really.

Miz and Morrison start us off. Miz elbows out of a hammerlock and gets dropkicked for a quick two. Scoop slam by Morrison, tag to R-Truth who comes in with a top-rope leg drop for 2. Jumping back leg kick by Truth, Miz tags in Show who catches Truth mid-crossbody and fallaway slams him across the ring. Show climbs the ropes (!!) but Morrison kicks him in the head. Both men tag and Morrison hits a flapjack, rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Miz in the head. STARSHIP PAIN misses! Show hauled Miz out of the way. Show slams Truth into the corner post back-first as Miz covers for 2. Skull-crushing Finale countered for 2. Miz blocks a whip, Show gets the blind tag and NAILS Morrison mid-springboard with the KO Punch. Show is legal, 1…2…3!

Winners: ShowMiz via pinfall (Show on Morrison, punch)

We get clips of various WrestleMania week activities.

Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton

Rhodes and DiBiase come out separately and to different entrance themes. Orton’s Official Entrance Time (OET): 1 minute 35. That has to be some sort of record.

Rhodes and Dibiase start off trying to double-team Orton, he fights them off. He throws Cody out and goes to work on Ted, but as Cody comes back in DiBiase catches him with a dropkick and the stamping commences. Excellent storytelling, as Rhodes and DiBiase are using Orton’s “stamp on a limb” methodology against him. Rhodes holds Orton for DiBiase to punch. Double suplex. BEER~! Oh wait. More foot-fetish action from the students on the master. Double whip, Orton hits the corner and comes out fighting but DiBiase blindsides him with a clothesline after following him into the ropes. Mistimed High-low by Legacy. Rhodes hits a SWEET kneedrop and goes up top for a moonsault, while DiBiase goes for the pin! 1…2…Rhodes breaks it up and throws DiBiase outside. Alabama Slam by Rhodes! Shades of his old partner Hardcore Holly 1…2…DiBiase in! Legacy implodes ans Rhodes and DiBiase wail on each other. They both turn on Orton who has clotheslines galore! Powerslam for each man! Over-the-back backbreaker to Rhodes! Phoenix wants the RKO…he sets for it but DiBiase drags him out. RHODES flies over the top and into DiBiase as Orton moves. Orton is inside, DiBiase crawls to the apron but gets kicked in the head. Hangman’s DDT coming…Cody is up, he gets kicked! DOUBLE HANGMAN’S DDT! He sets for the RKO again, Cody is in his sights…Hmmm. Orton thinks better of it. 4th and long, he’s going to…PUNT! DiBiase from behind! Dream Street COUNTERED! RKO!!! 1…2…3!

Winner: Randy Orton via pinfall (on DiBiase, RKO)

THE POSE is back as a large video screen has dropped to about 6 feet above the ring, directly behind Orton. I hope that’s intentional.

Vickie Guerrero and the heels are backstage. EXCUSE HER! She’s going to create a moment that will live in history forever. She weighs in under 300 pounds? OH CHRIST it’s Jillian and she’s singing Simply the Best. Santino interrupts to pimp “Slim James,” and when he bites into it Jillian becomes Mae Young, who kisses him. Another bite, and it’s “Gene Mean.” One more, and it’s Melina. Win.

Money In The Bank with Christian vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Jack Swagger vs. MVP vs. Evan Bourne vs. Matt Hardy vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston

Kofi is out first, and he has something ridiculous done to his head. MVP and Evan Bourne get their entrances cut short, while the Special Ed Gorilla has a new ring robe and tights. He’s winning. Matt Hardy weighed in at 236 pounds? When was that? McIntyre was ROBBED for his entrance clock, as Kane comes out after him. Kane is sporting a serious shiner. GO! Side note: the last man out has never one a MITB match. That’s probably wrong, but it sounds good, doesn’t it? Unless you’re Christian.

This is going to be tough to call. MVP and Christian, Swagger and Matt and Shelton and Kofi head to the floor. Drew beats down Kane and takes a ladder that MVP slid into the ring, Hardy cuts him off. Bourne with a knee, Hardy with the Twist of Fate and MVP with the Drive-By to send Drew to the floor. Bourne rockets up the ladder and gets a hand on the case, but gets caught and chokeslammed OVER THE TOP into Shelton on the floor. Kofi knocks Swagger and Matt off the ladder with another ladder. Christian in control now, who stacks Hardy and Swagger in the corner and throws a ladder into them, thenmonkey-flips Kofi into that pile. Christian climbs, Ziggler runs and LEAPS up, ZIG ZAG off the ladder! Ziggler climbs and gets yanked down by MVP, who gets stopped by Kane. MPV, Kofi and Shelton spear Kane with a ladder, Kofi runs up it badly into the 10-punch position, Kane powerbombs him into the ladder. PAYDIRT by Shelton to MVP. Shelton climbs but he gets speared off by Swagger. BOURNE off the tap with a double knee to Swagger! There’s a ladder in the middle of the ring, Swagger is under it and Hardy and Christian sandwich him between the two ladders. Hardy and Christian climb, Bourne climbs up Swagger on the side of the ladder! Swagger pulls the ladder out from under Hardy, Christian tries the Killswitch on Bourne on the horizontal ladder! Broune kicks Christian off, AIRBOURNE off the ladder!!! Hardy is up, Bourne goes up but is hiptossed off, Swagger throws Matt off into the horizontal ladder too! Swagger gets thrown off, MVP drags Shelton off and they both go over the top. Kane beats everyone down on the outside then starts to climb, Ziggler climbs over him! Kane tips the ladder and Ziggler lands across the top, CHOKESLAM on the ladder! Kane sandwiches Ziggler in the ladder and squashes him. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise but the only ladder is broken in half! KOFI USES IT AS STILTS!!!! McIntyre breaks it up and HANGS Kofi up gut-first over the top. Drew is solo, he has a ldeer, MATT HARDY! He interrupts, Drew knocks him down but Matt pushes the ladder…CROTCHES Drew! Sweet Jesus that brought tears to my wife’s eyes. Of course, she’s laughing. Matt is there, he has both hands on the case! Christian uses another ladder to slide over and stop Matt, KANE goes up the other side DOUBLE GOOZLE! Christian and Hardy kick him down, they slog it out…REVERSE DDT by Christian from the top of the ladder! Christian climbs again but Swagger cuts him off, Christian climbs the second ladder and has a hand on the catch to get the case, SWAGGER is up! He nails Christian in the face! Swagger is all clear kid, now let’s blow this thing and go home! He fumbles like Cook on a date would fumble with a bra catch, but gets the case for the win!

Winner: Jack Swagger via retrieval

Recap of last night’s Hall of Fame ceremony. TEH FINK is introducing the Hall of Fame class.

Video package for HHH vs. Sheamus.

Triple H vs. Sheamus

The Chalktic Warrior is out first to the surprise of no-one, and he looks nervous. I’m hoping we get Heelswoggle in this match. It would be a glorious thing.

Sheamus tells HHH that he’s the future. Sheamus, not HHH. Trips slaps him in the face. Whip is reversed, Sheamus drops his head and almost gets Pedigreed but he manages to avoid it. They lock up again and Sheamus gets control. Whip to the corner by Sheamus, HHH comes out with a clothesline. Belly to belly from Trips, a knee drop and a cover for 2. Sheamus bails to the floor but HHH catches him, throws him back in and chop blocks him. Figure four applied but Sheamus gets to the ropes and goes to the floor. He lures HHH in and throws him into the steps, then takes him to the barricade. Back inside and Sheamus blocks a right hand, turning it into a uranage backbreaker. A second one from Sheamus, followed by some stomping. They exchange rights but Sheamus levels HHH with a double sledge for 2. Shots to the head by Sheamus get 2 more. Chinlock applied, HHH powers up but gets powerslammed for 2. Armbar applied by Sheamus, transitioned into a chinlock. HHH hits a back suplex to break the hold, Sheamus tries another powerslam but HHH gets out the back and hits a DDT. Right hands exchanged, HHH gets the upper hand but drops her head and gets kicked but comes back with the facebuster for 2. Pedigree countered to a double-leg takedown, HHH kicks Sheamus away and hits a neckbreaker for 2. HHH perches Sheamus up top but the Celtic Warrior slips out! Celtic Bomb…COUNTERED! Pedigree! COUNTERED! PUMP KICK! 1…2…2.872! HHH elbows out of another Celtic Bomb, spinebuster! 1…2….NO! Sheamus bails to the apron, HHH tries to bring him back in but Sheamus fights him off…another pump kick! Sheamus hauls him up, PEDIGREE! 1…2…3!!!

Winner: Triple H via pinfall (Pedigree)

We get a Slim Jim commercial. Did they always have commercials during Mania?

Video package for Punk-Mysterio. Awesome build for a 2-week thing.

CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Punk has a mic! Standard Punk promo on his way down the ramp. Punk is actually leading the battle tonight with an OET of 2 minutes 37. Whatever entrance they had planned for Rey seems to have failed because his music played forever before he appeared, and there was hardly any pyro. Rey is a Na’Veen tonight, only he’s in 2D.

Punk pounces on a distracted Rey but gets caught with a drop toehold into the turnbuckle. Rey tries to springboard but ge gets caught and ends up in the tree of Joey Lawrence. Punk stamps, Punk charges, Punk slides…Rey sits up, Punk hits post nuts-first. Rey goes outside but Punk wheelbarrows him and SLAMS HIM face first into the steps. Damn. Rey gets back into the ring at 9, right into a Punk chinlock. Rey fights out, does some Rey stuff and hits the springboard La Silla. Rey tries nother springboard into a kick from Punk for two. They exchange counters and Punk gets a boot upside the head, say boots upside the head for 2. Punk tries several different covers for 2. Rey gets to his feet in a knuckle lock, but springboards nto a DDT! Beautiful. 2 count only. Punk is in the 619 position…COUNTERED! GTS…Rey escapes! He tries it again, Rey gets out again! Rey takes Punk down and goes up top…Frog Splash MISSES! High knee in the corner by Punk! Bulldog…countered to an arm drag! 619 position! Serena is up to block it, Punk is up and tries another GTS…Rey counters into a rana! 619 position again…CONNECTS! Springboard splash! 1…2…3!

Winner: Rey Mysterio via pinfall (619/Splash combo)

Most of these matches have felt far too short.

Video package for Hart-McMahon.

Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon. – No Holds Barred

The place goes nuts for Bret coming out first, according to McNew, but because of the open stadium you can’t hear it. “Loudest pop I’ve ever heard,” says McNew. McMahon is out with a mic, which of course means Vince will have assistance. He has lumberjacks, and he has a guest ref….the Hart Dynasty and the Hart family! Needs more Anvil. Keith Hart is going to be the referee. Bret is on the mic and makes sure they all got paid up front, then says he learned from the Montreal Screwjob that nothing is sweeter than a double cross. The Harts planned it all, they are on Bret’s side after all. Bret tees off on Vince, who flees to the floor where the Hart Dynasty and Smith Hart beat him to a snot. Strike wishes Natalya the best in her future endeavours after she slaps the taste out of his mouth. Hart Smith elevates McMahon…Kidd up top…HART ATTACK on the floor! Vince is rolled back inside and Bret goes to work on the knee. Vince again goes to the floor and crawls under the ring…where he retrieves a crowbar. That scares off the 11 lumberjacks. Uh huh. Bret ducks the crowbar assault and keeps up the attack, dropping elbows on Vince. Bret now has the crowbar and lays into Vince with it. He jabs McMahon in the throat, and now it’s time for a Sharpshooter…or not. More crowbar beatdown, he teases the Sharpshooter again…nut stomp. And another. Hart Smith slides a chair into the ring and Bret sits on it. Vince is struggling to get to his knees, Bret folds up the chair and WAFFLES Vince with a double dectuplet of chair shots. Yes, 20 of the best. There’s the Sharpshooter, Vince taps, and that was anticlimactic.

Winner: Bret Hart via submission (Sharpshooter)

The Hart Family celebrates in the ring.

We get the official announcement of Mania 27 in Atlanta, followed by the announcement of the attendance: 72,219. No word how many of them paid for it.

Video package for Edge vs. Jericho.

World champion Chris Jericho vs. Edge

Champ’s out first. I hate that. Super-special ring announcing.

Edge gets a flying shoulder tackls for the early control. Poke to the eye by Jericho to end that flurry, but Edge reverses a whip and hits the flapjack. He sets for the Spear but Jericho goes to the floor. Edge follows but Jericho catches him and heads back inside, then kicks Edge hard as he comes back in. Striker tries to rewrite history by saying Edge and Jericho traveled the roads together before coming to WWE. Jericho slingshots Edge’s neck into the bottom rope. Jericho goes on the offensive with a heel beatdown, but misses a charge in the corner and collides with the ringpost, Spinning heel kick by Edge, he whips Jericho in but drops his head and gets dropped gut-first over the top rope. Edge is on the floor as Jericho tries to take him out and gets planted into the announce table! Edge off the apron…clothesline to the floor! Back inside, Jericho crotches Edge on the top but gets hit with a top rope gourdbuster! Crossbody off the top by Edge, Jericho rolls through! 1…2…no! Jericho tried the Walls! Edge twists free, goes up top and gets a sunset flip for two. Jericho rolls through again for two, then kicks Edge in the face. CODEBREAKER countered by Edge! Crowd smells it…SPEAR countered! Jericho goes over and around the back and locks in the Walls!! Edge wriggles to his back and gets a small package for two, but Jericho with a quick shot…LIONSAULT! Edge moves, Jericho lands on his feet…Edgematic! 1…2…no! ENZIGUIRI by Jericho! 1…2…no! Edge avoids a charging Jericho and hits the Edgecution DDT! 1…2…no! Jericho climbs the ropes…flying forearm to the back of the head! Jericho stalks Edge…he sets for the Spear! Edge gets the boot up!!! Phoenix wants the Spear…CODEBREAKER!!!!! 1…2…2.866! Jericho remonstrates with the referee and requests that he DO HIS FUCKING JOB! He takes out the leg of Edge and goes to work on the achilles. Edge tries to fight back but Jericho picks the legs and locks in the Walls! Edge is in the middle of the ring, Edge crawls but is dragged back to the middle of the ring! Jericho switches to the single-leg crab! Edge again crawls for the ropes…makes it! Jericho drags Edge to the center again, rollup by Edge! 1…2…no! Both men go to the floor, Jericho goes for the belt. Edge interrupts him and throws him back inside, the ref gets bumped and Jericho snaps Edge’s neck over the top rope! BELT SHOT! 1…2…2.909! Jericho stalks Edge again…Codebreaker! 1…2…3!

Winner: Chris Jericho via pinfall (Codebreaker)

Jericho is not done, he tries to go to work on the leg but Edge kicks him off and throws Jericho on to one announce table, then sets on the other for a spear….SPEAR THROUGH THE BARRICADE!

We get a replay of the battle royal.

Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Eve, Gail Kim & Beth Phoenix vs. Women’s Champion Michelle McCool, Divas Champion Maryse, Layla, Alicia Fox & Vickie Guerrero

The heel ladies are out first. Beth Phoenix looks AWESOME.

Vickie starts out with Beth, who carries her to the face corner where they take turns kicking shit out of her. Kelly hits her swank leg drop, then we get a finisher suite…Faith Breaker! MickieDT! Neckbreaker by Layla! Ugly Sole Food by Gail! French Kiss! Ummm…Eve does something. Axe kick from Alicia! GLAM SLAM OF DOOM ! She planted Alicia! Michelle blindsides Beth as she stalks Vickie, then Vickie hits the Bullfrog Splash on Kelly! 1…2…no? Covers again, 1…2…3!

Winners: The Heels via pinfall (Vickie on Kelly, bullfrog splash)

Video package for Cena-Batista. Guess that means nobody wanted to follow Taker-HBK…

WWE champion Batista vs. John Cena

Again, champ is out first. Cena has a bunch of uniformed guys with bayonets to bring him to the ring, presumably marines. They do some impressive stuff with the weapons before the music hits. Air Force drill team apparently. Cena comes out looking pisses, sprints to the ring and it’s super special ring announcing time. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeon Ceeeeeeeeeeenaaaaaaa vs Buuuuuuuuuuhteeeeeeeeeeestaaaaaaaaaa.

Batista grabs a headlock early and knocks Cena down. Cena comes back with a headlock and a takedown. Batista gets to his feet and backs Cena into the corner, but misses the cheap shot. Cena goes to work with shots, but misses the charge and gets leveled by The Animal. Beatdown in the corner and a facewash by Batista. Heel Batista is so much better than face Batista. He goes to the floor and kicks Cena’s head, which is across the apron. Cena blocks a suplex and hits one of his own, he overshot it though and Batista landed on his hip. Whip to the corner and a bulldog by Cena for 2. He tries the Attitude Adjustment, gets him up but Batista reverses into a SICK DDT for 2. Batista with a running boot to the face of a seated Cena for 2 more. Sleeper applied by Batista with both hooks in, Cena just stands up with Batista on his back and powers out of the grip of The Animal. They exchange right hands and Batista gets the advantage with a boot to the gut and a neckbreaker. Front facelock by Batista, Cena powers out with a back body drop and catches a charging Batista with a boot. A pair of shoulder tackles followed by a Protobomb, and you cannot visually perceive A SPINEBUSTER! Batista Bomb time…Cena rolls through…STF!!! Batista makes it to the ropes. Cena gets to his feet and GETS SPEARED! 1…2…no!!! Already better than thought it would be. Shoulders in the corner by Batista, he puts Cena up top for a superplex but Cena grabs his hand. Test of strength on the top turnbuckle! Cena headbutts Batista down…top rope five knuckle shuffle!! Attitude Adjustment…NO! Batista counters to the…BATISTA BOMB! 1…2…2.937!!! Batista tries another…countered! Attitude Adjustment…COUNTERED! Powerslam…countered! Attitude Adjustment…CONNECTS! He launched him! 1…2…2.939!!!!! Cena up top….CAUGHT! SPINEBUSTER! Just like Summerslam! Batista Bomb…Cena rolls over! STF!!! He has it sunk in deep! Batista fights…fights…taps!

Winner, and NEW WWE Champion: John Cena via submission (STF)

Cena poses with more geniuses in “We hate Cena” shirts as he celebrates.

McNew says it’s electric in the arena, not a soul sitting down in his section.

The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels: Streak vs. Career

Michaels is out first with no glitz or glamour. Taker comes up from under the stage…in a hoodie? No hat? WTF? Taker’s OET: 3 minutes 52. TAKER WINS!

Shawn gives the cut-throat gesture to Taker, avoids a charge and lays in some chops. Taker blocks a charge, whips Shawn in and gets snake eyes. Charging clothesline in the corner, Taker goes OLD SCHOOL! Goozle! Shawn goes to the knee to counter and Taker is limping. Shawn tries for a crossface but Taker escapes and goes to the arm of Shawn. HBK escapes that and tries Sweet Chin Music! Taker avoids it and HBK goes back to the knee. Taker comes back with uppercuts and lays in right hands, then cloteslines HBK to the floor. Taker lines up for a dive but Shawn comes under the rope in a hurry and takes out Taker’s knee. He tries a figure four but Taker kicks him off. To the outside now and Taker rams HBK back-first into the corner post. Taker lines up the legdrop on the apron…CONNECTS with major air, but it hurts the leg of Taker. Back inside and Michaels goes back to the leg and locks in a figure four! Taker struggle and finally rolls over to reverse the pressure, causing a quick break. They exchange shots, Taker wins the exchange but HBK kips up INTO A CHOKESLAM! 1…2…NO! Taker pulls up HBK…Tombstone! NO! Michaels picks the ankle! Ankle lock, with the grapevine on the leg! Taker uses his free leg to kick his way out of the hold, Shawn charges and clothesline him up and over to the floor! Shawn is on the apron…ASAIIIIIIIIIII CAUGHT! TOMBSTONE ON THE FLOOR!
We now go to BlaccuWaether Meteorologist Ollie Williams for an analysis of that move. Ollie?

HE DONE KILLED DAT WHITE BOY

Thanks Ollie. Now this! Taker gets the cover on the inside! 1…2…no! Taker is looking for Last Ride…MICHAELS COUNTERS to an X-Factor! 1…2…NO!!! HBK goes to the top…flying elbow TO THE KNEES! Both men suffered from that. HELL’S GATE! Locked in! Michales counters to a jackknife pin!!!!! 1…2…no!!! Wow. Sweet Chin Music CONNECTS! 1…2…2.918! Michaels strikes up the band again…MISSES! Last Ride…with authority!!!!! 1…2…2.944!!! Taker throws HBK to the floor then dismantles the Spanish announce table. Oh boy. This could suck for Shawn…LAST RIDE! Michaels out the back! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Taker is out on the table! Michaels looks like he has a plan…and it involves the top rope! What could he be thinking? MOONSAULT THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!! Taker looks punch-drunk, Michaels rolls him inside. Strike up the band, we’re going home. SWEET! CHIN! MUSIC! 1…2…

NO!

Both men are running on fumes. Another SCM incoming…Taker catches it! CHOKESLAM! Taker uses the ropes to pull himself up, grabs HBK…TOMBSTONE! TOMBSTONE! 1….2…2.988!!!!! Cole and Lawler are losing their voices. Cole reckons we can feel the emotion seeping through the pores of the WWE Universe. Whatever Cole. STRAPS DOWN! Taker cut-throats, then tells Shawn to stay down. Shawn gets to his knees and does the cut-throat himself, then SLAPS Taker! TOMBSTONE! 1…2…

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Winner: The Undertaker via pinfall (Tombstone)

Taker poses, then pulls Shawn to his feet, shakes his hand and leaves him in the ring to say goodbye.

I’ve been writing for 411mania for a little over 2 and a half years, and in that time I have been lucky enough to see both Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels end their careers at WrestleMania. We can sit here behind our monitors and be all cynical and bitch about everything, and God knows I do. But at the end of the day, the guys know how to bring a tear to the eye. Thank you Shawn.