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From the B-Movie Vault: The Marine 2 & The Marine 3: Homefront
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From the B-Movie Vault Issue #11: The Marine 2 and The Marine 3: Homefront
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest From the B-Movie Vault. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.
After the first The Marine flick starring John Cena hit movie theaters and did okayish (according to Box Office Mojo, The Marine made almost $19 million, which isn’t great but, hey, it’s not $10 million), the franchise moved exclusively to home video with its next five installments, starting with The Marine 2 in 2009. Along with the move to home video, the first sequel starred a different WWE superstar, Ted DiBiase, Jr. DiBiase, Jr. lasted one movie, and was then replaced with Mike “The Miz” Mizanin with the second sequel, The Marine 3: Homefront, which hit home video in earlyish 2013. And that’s what this From the B-Movie Vault is going to look back at, part 2 and 3 of the most successful franchise of WWE Films.
And so, without any further what have you, check out my reviews of The Marine 2 and The Marine 3: Homefront. Both of these reviews appeared one week apart in August of 2017. Enjoy.
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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #422: The Marine 2
The Marine Marathon: Week 2
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that is fairly certain that if it did ever take a vacation at some swanky tropical resort that it would definitely be attacked by armed mercenaries, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number four hundred and twenty-two, The Marine Marathon continues with The Marine 2, which was released upon the world in very late December 2009.
The Marine 2
The Marine 2, also known as The Marine II and directed by the great Roel Reine, stars now former WWE superstar Ted DiBiase, Jr. as badass Marine sniper Joe Linwood. After blowing away a high value target while on a mission (a mission that also sees a local kid die right in front of him when the high value target’s henchmen retaliate with machine guns and grenades and whatnot), Linwood is given some time off from his unit (I think Linwood says he’s part of a Marine Recon unit, which, as I understand it, is a kind of Marine Special Forces type deal). He gets in touch with his wife Robin (Lara Cox) and tells her that he’ll be home soon for a little while, and she immediately invites him to tag along to a party she’s organized as part of her job. The party is at a swanky resort somewhere in the south pacific. At first, Linwood isn’t too keen on going to the party as all he really wants to do is hang out at home with Robin and relax. Linwood eventually agrees to go to Robin’s party, though, because he’s a stand-up guy, he doesn’t want to disappoint his wife, and, shit, the trip is free so why not go? So Linwood and Robin fly to the resort.
The resort, as you’d expect, is gorgeous. Unfortunately, Robin’s boss, a rich asshole sort of self-help guru businessman named Darren Connor (Robert Coleby), won’t let Robin relax with her husband as she still has quite a bit to get ready before the big party. Linwood and Robin do, though, manage to get in a little relaxation time snorkeling and making out on the beach. It’s at this point that they both meet Church (Rowdy Burns hisself Michael Rooker), an ex-Army Ranger who retired to the area to operate a tourist boat tour business. Linwood and Church rib one another over who is more badass (I’ve seen this kind of thing between soldiers and Marines before in real life and it can get heated sometimes) and Church shows them both a neat little secret passageway to get back to the resort undetected. When the party starts, Linwood and Robin try to have a good time but, again, Connor won’t allow it. There’s just “too much” for her to do. Linwood doesn’t like Connor at all and would love to rip the guy a new one, and he almost does, but he holds back because he doesn’t want his wife to look bad. Again, Linwood is a stand-up guy.
Now, while all of that stuff is going on, the resort is suddenly attacked by a band of heavily armed terrorist thugs lead by a man named Damo (Jango Fett hisself Temuera Morrison). Once Linwood realizes what’s going on, he springs into action and starts taking out bad guys left and right, but since he’s only one man and unarmed he doesn’t accomplish much and Damo’s men overrun the resort and make all of the guests their hostages. Church, who happens to be working at the resort as a fireworks expert, gets Linwood to safety but refuses to help his new buddy take down the terrorists (Church is retired, man. He doesn’t do that stuff anymore).
So then there’s a standoff, with Damo’s men threatening to kill all of the hostages if their demands aren’t met and the local military authorities trying to figure out what the hell to do. Linwood tries to insert himself into the local military operation, but since the locals have no idea who he is they don’t want him involved. A smarmy government official named Shoal (Sahajak Boonthanakit) allows Linwood to get involved and actually allows him to tag along with a group of mercenaries the government has decided to secretly hire to go into the resort and retake it. It’s kind of weird that Shoal would allow that kind of thing to happen, but then Shoal is untrustworthy from the second you see him and you suspect that he’s up to something. But what? Linwood doesn’t care. All he wants to do is infiltrate the resort, rescue his wife and the other hostages, and kill as many bad guys as he can. Because he’s a goddamn Marine.
So Linwood tags along with the mercenaries and the shit hits the fan immediately as Damo’s men slaughter most of the mercenaries. Linwood manages to kill some of Damo’s men and sort of rescue the mercenary team leader before retreating to the resort perimeter. How the hell did Damo’s men know the mercenaries were inside the resort? Did Damo somehow infiltrate the mercenary team with one of his own men? This is one messed up situation.
While all of that is going on, Connor tries to negotiate with Damo. Connor figures that Damo probably just wants money, and since he’s mega rich he can give Damo and his men whatever they want. Damo is sort of receptive to Connor’s negotiation and is fine with taking his money, but he has no intention of letting the hostages go. Damo has a bigger scheme at play and isn’t interested in altering that scheme. And what, exactly, is Damo’s scheme? Damo wants the rich, western developers to leave his country, as they’ve apparently exploited the area’s resources. Damo especially despises Connor because Connor’s resort is an abomination of some sort. Damo has no problem killing Connor and the hostages.
So Linwood recuperates from the mercenary assault and tries to figure out how to get back inside to rescue Robin and the others. The locals still haven’t come up with a plan to retake the resort, and Linwood just can’t allow Damo and his men to continue on. Linwood is really going to have to go in alone and do it himself. He is, again, a goddamn Marine. So Linwood goes to see Church again and asks for his help. Once again, Church tells Linwood that he can’t help him go in, but he does provide Linwood with some gear and a boat ride through that secret passageway (you just knew that passageway would figure into the ending somehow). Linwood accepts Church’s terms and help and infiltrates the resort.
And then the shit’s on.
The rest of the movie is Linwood taking on Damo’s men in various fights and gun battles and other assorted action scenes. These fight and action scenes aren’t as spectacular as the first The Marine, but, to a certain extent, they’re far more interesting than the stylized violence that the first movie offered. Everything in this movie looks dangerous and like it hurts, especially the hand-to-hand brawls that Linwood engages in with Damo’s men. And the gun fights play better here, too. Of course, your general enjoyment of these sequences are predicated on how you feel about low-budget, direct-to-video cinema as a whole. If direct-to-video movies aren’t your thing, The Marine 2 is going to annoy you. If you’re a fan of direct-to-video cinema, The Marine 2 is going to be your jam.
My favorite fight scene has Linwood take on two of Damo’s men at the same time. There’s a very cool moment where Linwood hides behind a stone pillar and Damo’s men shoot most of it apart, which causes Linwood to act and engage Damo’s men hand-to-hand. This fight is brutal and you can actually see most of it, as director Reine shoots it as one continuous take. This one take thing also happens in the initial terrorist assault on the resort and is pretty amazing considering this movie was made for considerably less than the first one. When you have very little money and a short schedule, how do you find the time to do multiple one take action scenes?
The movie does drag every so often, but it’s not a big deal. The Thailand scenery is amazing to look at, and the resort set, which apparently was a real resort the movie was allowed to film at, is beautiful and very expensive looking (check out the pool). The scenes where Linwood and Robin arrive at the resort and their little couple’s excursion could have been shorter. And while Morrison is a pretty good nasty villain, his motivation for attacking the resort isn’t all that clear at first, and even when you do find out what’s really going on, it seems like there should be more to it. The movie probably needed an extended scene where Morrison’s Damo demeans the hostages and explains what he wants, or one of those “negotiation” scenes where Damo messes around with the local authorities and tells them what he wants in a real dickish way.
The opening scene is action packed and exciting, although I think it’s weird that Linwood’s Marine sniper designation doesn’t play into the rest of the movie once the opening scene is over. Yes, there’s a quick scene where Linwood shows off his sniper skills to the mercenary team, but he never does anything like that again. You’d think that a Marine sniper character would snipe someone important towards the end of the movie. I mean, why make him a sniper if he doesn’t snipe someone? That doesn’t happen, though. So why is Linwood a sniper?
At least the final fight is pretty good. The cat and mouse chase that Linwood and Damo have is reversed, with Damo chasing Linwood through the streets of a local village (it’s usually the other way around). And while Linwood isn’t a martial artist, he looks credible fighting against Damo’s men who are all martial artists of some sort. Linwood’s final fight with Damo is quick and ends prematurely, but what we do get to see is pretty badass and brutal. I know I wouldn’t want to be slugged in the face by either DiBiase or Morrison.
And the explosions? The first one had plenty of them, most of them insane. The Marine 2 doesn’t have the budget to do the marathon insane explosion thing, but it does have the budget for multiple small, real explosions. Yes, there are a few obvious CGI enhanced explosions, but it looks like director Reine found a way to get in as many real explosions as possible. That’s commendable. Also, the characters in this movie love throwing grenades. For my money, we don’t see enough of that kind of thing in action movies.
The performances are all fairly decent. DiBiase plays Linwood as a kind of loveable lunkhead when he’s around his wife, but he becomes more intelligent and more intense when he’s forced into action. DiBiase isn’t a martial artist and the movie never pretends that he is, which is shocking to me because how often do you see non-martial artists best martial artists in movies of any kind? I can’t remember the last time I saw it. The movie does allow DiBiase to use some of his pro wrestling moves (he does a few sweet dropkicks) and he can grapple with the best of them. Plus, DiBiase is a big, agile guy in general, so if he has to fight two guys at the same time he’s probably going to be okay. I’m surprised that DiBiase hasn’t done more movies. The Marine 2 is his only major movie role at the moment, although imdb claims he’s going to be in a little horror movie in a supporting role at some point (as far as I can tell, that never happened). I know that DiBiase is no longer in the WWE, but is he completely retired from pro wrestling? Is he doing the occasional independent date thing now? I hope that he gets back into movies. I think the guy has an action star future (Well, he did have a future as an action star way back then. I don’t think he has one anymore).
Temuera Morrison is damn near evil incarnate as Damo. Sure, he may have a “good” reason for being a terrorist freedom fighter (just trying to protect his homeland from exploitative invaders and all that), but killing innocent people once he’s received what he wants is just awful. And Morrison knows how to play an awful villain. His fight with DiBiase at the end is pretty good but doesn’t end the way it should (killing the bad guy should be a spectacular moment that you end up talking about with friends when the movie is over. It shouldn’t be something that “just happens”). Good job, Jango.
Michael Rooker does a fine job as Church, the ex-Army ranger turned local tourist boat captain. He’s funny, a bit sarcastic at times, but you can tell that he’s a guy you don’t want to mess with. If and when he’s ever motivated to do something other than be a boat captain, watch the hell out. I’m a little disappointed Church doesn’t have an old army uniform to wear when he decides to help Joe (because you know that’s going to happen at some point. It has to. It’s an action movie) but then maybe Rooker just didn’t want to do that. I don’t like it, but I can live with it.
Lara Cox does an okay job as Joe’s wife Robin. She spends most of her time in the movie as a hostage, which is unfortunate since she tries to assert herself with her boss Connor. She does have good chemistry with DiBiase, so it’s not hard to believe they’re a couple. That’s always a plus. And Robert Coleby, as the rich man Darren Connor, does a good job playing a douchebag. And Connor is a douchebag, even when he tries to do something worthwhile, like saving the people at his big resort party.
The Marine 2 is a damn good low-budget sequel and a worthwhile direct-to-video action movie. It should be faster, but it’s entertaining, and that’s what matters. I actually like this movie more than the first The Marine. And, again, I hope that DiBiase finds a way to get back into the action movie business. The guy could have a future if he wanted one.
See The Marine 2. See it, see it, see it.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: Around 20.
Explosions: Several, both big and small.
Nudity?: None.
Doobage: Kids messing around with water guns. Sniper hooey. An arms deal in the middle of the street. Almost shooting a kid. A big shootout. A moped accident. A small rooftop explosion. Grenade launcher hooey. Getting trapped on a roof. Face washing. A swanky tropical resort. A local snorkeling business. Snorkeling. Sex on the beach. A swanky party by the pool. Fireworks hooey. Missile attack. Exploding tower. Boats with heavily armed men. LAWS rocket hooey. Massive panic. Exploding hut. Neck snap. A one take sequence where the hero takes out multiple bad guys while running. A local military outpost. Off screen beheading (maybe). Hostage moving. Mercenaries. More sniper hooey. Walking in water. Dead mercenaries. Exploding tree. Grenade toss back. Slow motion run through multiple explosions. Gun stealing. Running into a wall head on. Chair stomping. Gut kicking. A sneaky water knifing. More fireworks hooey. Knife throwing. Knife kicking. Bomb setting. Chair bondage. Hot press hand torture. Double barrel shotgun hooey. Henchman killing. Stone pillar destruction. A side wound. Even more grenade hooey. A two-on-one fight. A dropkick. A wicked kick to the head. A really drawn out neck break. Even more fireworks hooey. A slow motion kick to the face. Group bondage. Off screen exploding human. Face slapping. Very gross personal hand breaking. Throat slitting. Some major league ass kicking. Shotgun hooey. More neck snapping. Exploding resort. Jumping away from an explosion in close to real time. Attempted deliberate cave in. Cigar smoking. An interesting chase. Spear to the side. Major fuel dumping. Attempted rear choke. Flare gun hooey. An exploding boat.
Kim Richards?: Yes. It’s pretty sad.
Gratuitous: Ted DiBiase, Jr. A book discussion. Ted DiBiase, Jr. washing his face. Deliberate Apple product placement. Michael Rooker. Military jock talk. People running their hands through water. Brief mention of rich people using alternative forms of energy. Jango Fett hisself. A TV news report on the resort hijacking. Mask removal. A man angrily looking at a map for some reason. Ted DiBiase, Jr. dropkicking bad guys. Serious hostage taking. An interesting chase where the bad guy chases the hero through people’s houses.
Best lines: “Heart of Darkness. It. Wow, do you read anything other than Stephen King? No.” “Are you seeing this? Unreal.” “He’s gone!” “You’re an ass!” “Impressive security.” “You know, there’s a reason I married you. You have such low expectations.” “And you thought your job was dangerous, huh?” “You grunt? No. Jarhead.” “I know who I married, Joe, and I couldn’t be happier.” “Oh, great. G.I. Joe is here.” “Crazy ass powder monkey.” “These hicks wouldn’t know a thermodynamic convertor from a hot fart. All they care is that it says ‘please recycle’ on it.” “Stop screaming!” “She still inside?” “Don’t watch this, kid.” “I want to see my family!” “Sir, this is off limits! Please! Wait over there!” “You don’t know what I want!,” “This is a political disaster!” “With or without you I’m going in.” “It’s a trap!” “Calm down, little brother.” “Can you please deliver my message for Blondie?” “You’ve made your point. Enjoy your moment.” “Give ‘em hell, Marine!” “Ahh! Shit!” “Sonofabitch!” “So, you’re it?” “This is all my fault, you know?” “You killed the mercenaries!” “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll get your share. Plus a bonus.” “As you say in your book, Mr. Connor, why shouldn’t I have it all?” “Innocents always die in war. But the goal is to save people, not kill them to win.” “They teach you that in the army?” “Well, thank God you made it out.” “Hell of a show, huh?” “This guy won’t die!” “This will never stop with the tribute!” “I thought my job was dangerous.” “I love you so much. Let’s go home.”
Rating: 8.0/10.0
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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #423: The Marine 3: Homefront
The Marine Marathon: Week 3
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has never been attacked in the woods by multiple assailants, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number four hundred and twenty-three, The Marine Marathon continues with The Marine 3: Homefront, which hit home video in March 2013.
The Marine 3: Homefront
The Marine 3: Homefront, directed and co-written by Scott Wiper, is the first in “The Miz Quadrilogy,” meaning that it stars WWE superstar The Miz (or Mike “The Miz” Mizanin, as it shows in the credits). The Miz is the first WWE star to appear in more than one The Marine movie, for reasons that I don’t quite understand at the moment. After watching his first outing, I can’t figure out why The Miz was asked back for another one.
The Miz is Sgt. Jake Carter, a badass Marine Special Forces operator on leave in his hometown in Washington State (it’s a small town called Bridgeton that’s outside of Seattle). Carter is in town to visit with his sisters Amanda (Camille Sullivan) and Lilly (Ashley Bell) and his old pal Harkin (Jared Kesso), who is now the Sheriff of Bridgeton. Carter’s parents are both dead, and to a certain extent Carter sees himself as the new family leader. When he’s in town, Carter acts like an overly attentive big brother and a kind of father figure, something that annoys both of his sisters, especially Lilly. On some level, both Amanda and Lilly appreciate Carter’s brotherly love, but he can be overbearing. Carter is always concerned with who Lilly hangs out with and whether or not she can keep a job. Why can’t Carter just be a big brother and accept Lilly’s life decisions? Why does he always think it’s his job to get involved and “fix” her problems? Harkin is just glad to see his old friend again. In fact, Harkin picks Carter up from the bus station when he arrives in town. That’s what friends do, right?
As Carter gets reacquainted with his sisters and Harkin, weirdo domestic terrorist Jonah Pope (the great Neal McDonough) and his band of followers (including the now late but always great martial artist Darren Shahlavi as a guy named Cazel) decide to rob a bank. Now, instead of jacking the bank of all of its money on hand, Pope decides to only take “what he needs” and burns the rest of it in the middle of the lobby. Why the hell would someone rob a bank and then burn up a good chunk of the money? Basically, Pope despises “rich people” who “exploit, steal from, and leach off the middle class.” Burning money from a bank that deals with rich people is his way of striking a blow against those rich people. The money he does take from the bank, though, is set to be used to pay his men and fund his big secret scheme “to make a statement” about how rich people exploit the masses. He apparently knows exactly how much money both of those things will cost, which is kind of amazing because when was the last time you saw a terrorist in a movie figure out how much money his terrorism costs? I can’t remember the last time it happened.
So we’ve got two stories happening at once, Carter’s family stuff and Pope’s big scheme. How are those two stories going to come together (because they’re going to have to come together)? Lilly goes off into the woods with her boyfriend Darren (Jeffrey Ballard) to hang out and do whatever the heck it is young people do in the woods in Bridgeton (it seems as though they like to go into the woods and scrounge for metal and car parts and whatnot. That’s what Lilly and Darren seem to be doing). While that’s happening, Pope is buying military explosives from a guy who, as tends to happen in these kinds of action movies, tries to get Pope to dole out more money than originally agreed to. Pope doesn’t take too kindly to the double cross and promptly puts a bullet in the seller’s head. Lilly and Darren see this go down, freak out, and then try to escape. Pope’s men quickly apprehend Lilly and Darren and decide, right then and there, hostages are worth having, just in case the big scheme goes south.
Right before she’s captured, though, Lilly manages to call Amanda and tells her what’s happening in the woods. Amanda then calls her brother Jake, and Jake grabs the family shotgun and runs into the woods to find Lilly. It doesn’t take long for Jake Carter to find trouble as he takes out several of Pope’s men who are patrolling the woods. See, Pope’s hideout is a big boat that’s docked at a lake that’s next to the woods, and since Pope doesn’t want people messing around with his base, he has his men keep people out. That is what good terrorist masterminds do, isn’t it? After taking out Pope’s patrol, Carter is apprehended by a group of FBI agents who just so happen to be initiating an operation against Pope. Under the direction of Agent Wells (Steve Bacic), the FBI plans on arresting Pope and his men and preventing his big scheme from happening.
And what, exactly, is Pope’s big scheme? Pope wants to blow up a conference of rich people in Seattle. Using the stolen military explosives and a cop car, Pope intends to kill as many rich people as he can while getting maximum cable TV coverage (presumably the conference is set to be extensively covered by the national and international news media). According to Pope, the world needs to know just how awful these rich people are, and maybe by killing a bunch of them everyone else will wake up and decide that more of them need to die. Or something like that. I don’t quite understand why Pope’s scheme isn’t more of a “lone wolf” type operation as opposed to something involving multiple people. Why does he need a team to do what he wants to do? It’s not like he plans on blowing up multiple buildings in Seattle. Having an army makes sense if that’s the big scheme. But it’s just one building and one meeting. So, again, why have an army? Are they meant to be fodder for any potential FBI assault, sort of human shields Pope can throw in front of himself as he speeds away to his target?
Carter finds out about Pope’s big scheme but doesn’t seem to be all that concerned by it. All Carter wants to know is what Wells and his FBI team plan to do to get Lilly and, to a lesser extent, Darren, back safe and sound. Carter isn’t impressed by Wells’ lack of focus on his sister and announces that he wants to go into Pope’s compound himself and rescue Lilly. Agent Wells shoots down Carter’s plan immediately. Marine or no Marine, the FBI can’t allow non-FBI operators to get in the way. The FBI knows what it’s doing. The FBI assaults Pope’s compound. And the FBI gets its ass kicked. A massive shootout ensues, there are multiple explosions, and several FBI SWAT agents die. Some plan.
So Carter sees all of this, gets pissed off, demands to go in by himself, is shot down once again, and then assaults multiple FBI agents, an act that gets him arrested. Carter’s old pal Harkin actually takes Carter away in handcuffs. You can’t assault FBI agents, even when it’s obvious to everyone in the world that Agent Wells is outgunned and out of his depth. But then Harkin lets Carter go and gives him a gun. He knows that Carter isn’t going to stop. He knows that Carter is going to do whatever he can to save Lilly. Lilly is Carter’s sister. And Carter is a goddamn Marine. Infiltrating compounds chock full of bad guys and then killing those bad guys is what Marines like Jake Carter do.
I will admit that, to a certain extent, the story for Homefront has some juice to it. It’s a story that has a politically motivated villain, it talks about the middle class being exploited by mega rich people, and it features a middle class badass, Jake Carter, as its hero. However, all of those “political” ideas are just background details. They inform the plot, but there’s no big showdown over those details. And when you take into account Pope’s big speech to Lilly, where he explains himself, you’d think there would be a final fight where Pope explains those ideas to Carter and Carter kicks his ass over them. None of that happens, though. Pope’s motivation could have been anything, any possible grievance any person ever in the history of the world could have. The fact that Pope is against rich people doesn’t really mean anything in the end. So, why have Pope despise rich people? Why not just have him hate the federal government/state government/whatever? Or why not just have Pope hate people in general because he’s a psycho and blowing up a building in Seattle just seems like the thing to do? That would make more sense.
As for the presence of the Miz as the star, he tries hard to do a good job but, on the whole, he doesn’t have the necessary screen presence or outward integrity to be the hero of the story. The Miz does an okay job with the fight scenes he’s put into and doesn’t look like a doofus wielding a machine gun, but he’s terrible at just about everything else. He tries hard, sure, but he can’t quite pull it off. He just doesn’t have the innate integrity that John Cena and Ted DiBiase, Jr. had when they made their movie debuts in The Marine and The Marine 2.
So why is Homefront the first in a series of four The Marine movies starring the Miz? I don’t get it. Did Homefront make tons of money and it made sense to have the Miz come back? Is the Miz the only The Marine star to agree to come back for another one? No one else on the WWE roster wanted to do it, so why not bring back the Miz? Did one of the producers figure that it was worth giving the Miz another shot because he has all sorts of potential? If someone out there knows why the Miz was brought back, drop me a line and let me know. Again, I don’t get it.
Now, I don’t want this to look like I’m picking on the Miz. He could probably be a decent enough actor in the right movie and in the right role. He’d probably do well as a sidekick or as a villain (he’s typically a villain in the WWE, one of the best, because he’s such a smarmy piece of shit). But should he be a hero in an action movie? After watching Homefront, I have to say that it was a mistake he was made The Marine in the first place. He just doesn’t have what it takes. I’m hoping that his screen presence improves in the next movie. It just has to.
Neal McDonough does a good job as Pope. His character is let down by the way the story plays itself out, but McDonough makes the most of what he’s given and is interesting to watch. He also seems to have enough physical presence to be a match for Carter in the event that they have a hand-to-hand throw down. That doesn’t happen, though, so that was a major missed opportunity. McDonough does make you believe in what he believes for a brief moment when he explains his hatred of rich people to Lilly. You don’t really like him, though, because he’s a murderer, but at least you kind of understand what he’s all about for a few moments.
Ashley Bell does a decent job as Lilly, Jake Carter’s somewhat troubled sister. She knows how to be spunky and how to be vulnerable, and you get the sense that if Pope’s men didn’t have guns she would have tried to fight her way out of the woods. Camille Sullivan doesn’t get to do all that much as Jake’s other sister Amanda, but she does an okay job with what she is given to do, so she has that going for her. Jared Kesso doesn’t get to do all that much, either, despite being the town’s sheriff and Carter’s old pal. I really thought he would join Carter in his assault on Pope’s compound, but he doesn’t get to do that. Why be the sheriff if you don’t get to help an old friend kill bad guys?
Jeffrey Ballard is annoying as Lilly’s boyfriend Darren, but then that’s how Darren is supposed to be. When you look at him like that, Ballard does a good job. He isn’t believable at all as a guy who could help fight off heavily armed bad guys, but then Ballard is only doing what the script calls for.
Darren Shahlavi does his usual good job as Cazel. He knows how to play the dangerous henchman and just exudes badassness, which is what you want in a dangerous henchman. He has an okay fight with the Miz. The Miz is always going to win the fight because he’s the hero and Shahlavi is a henchman so you know he’s going to lose, but I really wanted to see him get a little more fighting in before he’s dispatched like a punk.
The Marine 3: Homefront is a massive disappointment. It looks good, but it just doesn’t work at all. The story is meaningless, the star is out of his depth, and outside of some okay action scenes, the movie isn’t all that entertaining. It’s watchable, I guess, but it should have been much, much more. Only see The Marine 3: Homefront if you absolutely have to. Otherwise, I wouldn’t make much of an effort to see it. It’s just not that great.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: 20+
Explosions: Several, both big and small.
Nudity?: None.
Doobage: A serene opening. Choppers. A battle montage. Bus riding. Guy shit. A cold beer. Serious food. Talk about golf. Talk about sleep. A bank robbery. Money burning. A boat HQ. A chop shop. Bar stuff. A bar fight. Some serious head smashing. A double cross. Bullet to the head. Shotgun hooey. A deep woods beat down. Wallet stealing. Chair bondage. Attempted rape. Silencer hooey. Sniper hooey. An assault. A shootout. Thump gun stuff. Lead pipe attack. Metal rod through the gut. Another shootout. Bullet to the back of the head. Glass breaking. Attempted knife assault. Giant wrench attack. A serious beating. Cop car stuff. A map. Dirt bike stuff. Car attack. Yet another shootout. A very dead bad guy. A wild flip. A massive explosion. An ending that isn’t all that impressive.
Kim Richards?: None.
Gratuitous: The Miz. The Miz doing a voiceover. The Marine flag. An explanation of “Semper Fi.” The Miz riding a bus. The Miz using the “F” word. Neal McDonough. Darren Shahlavi. Anti-capitalism. A boat hideout. The Miz using a machine gun. A slow motion cocky group walk.
Best lines: “You lost, boy? You daddy know you out playing cop?” “You look as dumb as ever.” “You told Kressy to go fuck himself?” “Here’s to coming home in one piece.” “Welcome home, you big buzzkill.” “I don’t like bankers.” “I know him. I trust him. Well, that’s just cute.” “Jesus fucking Christ, Jake!” “USDA. Prime cut.” “I don’t like problems.” “Can’t have these on my boat.” “I’ve got no trouble with you. My sister is missing. I’ve got trouble with that.” “Call the state police!” “I can help you. Infiltration and extraction. It’s what I do.” “How do I look? I’d shoot you.” “This can’t be much fun for you.” “Do you like rich people?” “What do you want? I just want to be heard.” “Are you happy with the world you live in?” “Don’t you fucking touch me!” “Who is Amanda?” “Don’t tell me what I can’t have!,” “You’re blowing up a building?” “Get your fucking hands up!” “Didn’t I tell you to leave? Fuck that. I’ll thank you later.” “Relax back there. Stop fucking fidgeting.” “You can’t take that shot. But I can.” “It’s a bomb!” “How much time? Not good.”
Rating: 4.8/10.0
**
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Check out previous issues of From the B-Movie Vault!
From the B-Movie Vault: Phantasm and Phantasm II
From the B-Movie Vault: Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead and Phantasm IV: Oblivion
From the B-Movie Vault: Phantasm: Ravager and John Dies at the End
From the B-Movie Vault: Scanners
From the B-Movie Vault: Scanners II: The New Order and Scanners III: The Takeover
From the B-Movie Vault: Scanner Cop and Scanner Cop 2
From the B-Movie Vault: John Wick and John Wick: Chapter 2
From the B-Movie Vault: Silent Night, Deadly Night and Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2
From the B-Movie Vault: American Ninja and American Ninja 2: The Confrontation
From the B-Movie Vault: The Marine and 12 Rounds
**
Well, I think that’ll be about it for now. Don’t forget to sign up with disqus if you want to comment on this article and any other 411 article. You know you want to, so just go do it.
B-movies rule. Always remember that.
The Marine 2
Ted DiBiase, Jr.– Joe Linwood
Temuera Morrison– Damo
Lara Cox– Robin Linwood
Michael Rooker– Church
Robert Coleby– Darren Connor
Sahajak Boonthanakit– Shoal
Kelly B. Jones– Cynthia
Supoi Khaowwong– Blondie
Directed by Roel Reine
Screenplay by Christopher Borrelli and John Chapin Morgan
Distributed by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment and WWE Studios
Rated R for violence and language
Runtime– 95 minutes
**
The Marine 3: Homefront
Mike “The Miz” Mizanin– Sgt. Jake Carter
Neal McDonough– Jonah Pope
Ashley Bell– Lilly Carter
Camille Sullivan– Amanda Carter
Jeffrey Ballard– Darren Carlyle
Darren Shahlavi– Cazel
Jared Kesso– Sheriff Harkin
Michael Eklund– Eckert
Steve Bacic– Agent Wells
Directed by Scott Wiper
Screenplay by Scott Wiper and Declan O’Brien
Distributed by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment and WWE Studios
Rated R for violence and language
Runtime– 95 minutes
