The Top 5 Most Annoying Current TV Commercials

The 411mania Dumpster Fire of the Week

Hello, everyone, and welcome to a special edition of The 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.

When it comes to TV commercials, people tend to have a love/hate relationship with them. Some people absolutely despise them and will do whatever they can in order to avoid them, and there are people who don’t like them but just deal with them because, unless you record a TV show or event and watch it later, you’re not going to be able to avoid them. Plenty of On Demand cable services make you watch commercials if you watch something On Demand by disabling the fast forward function and there are streaming services out there that have them, too (not many but they are out there. Tubi TV is free and it has commercials). And there are people who actually enjoy watching commercials for their filmmaking ingenuity, but they seem to be few and far between. I mean, if there are lots of them out there, they don’t talk about their preference for commercials. As for me, I’m not really a fan of commercials, but since they exist I just deal with them. Sometimes commercials are actually interesting and funny and worth seeing once or twice a day while watching regular TV.

And sometimes commercials are just fucking annoying and you can’t stand them and you want them to stop and you start making an effort to avoid them at all costs. You record more shows so you don’t have to sit through them and can fast forward. You change the channel to some other show that you try to watch in between commercial breaks of the show you’re actually watching. Or you mute the TV so you don’t have to listen to the annoying commercial (as long as you don’t hear the commercial and just watch it that can cut down on the annoyance). That isn’t as great of a strategy because, if you’ve managed to see an annoying commercial enough times you can remember the words or the music or the message and, while just watching the commercial, you can hear the commercial in your head. That’s happened to me so many times I can’t count them.

At the moment, there are five TV commercials that I despise/are on my nerves so bad that, when I see them, I want to just flip the fuck out. What are they?

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Up first, the honorable mentions:

5-That Facebook/Rocky commercial: This was, apparently, a featured commercial during the most recent Super Bowl. I wish it was one of those commercials that only played during the most recent Super Bowl and was then loaded to YouTube for those that want to see it again for some reason. This thing seems to be playing twice an hour, every day, on damn near every channel. The first time I saw it I thought it was kind of funny. “Hey, look at all of the ‘rock’ groups on Facebook! And Chris Rock and Sylvester ‘Rocky’ Stallone are in it! Who thought that would ever happen?” That “funny” feeling disappears after about the fifth time you see it. From the sixth time on you wish all of those “rock” Facebook groups were disbanded for violation of Facebook’s terms of use. The only redeeming quality of this particular commercial is the use of Twisted Sister’s “I Want to Rock.” I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that song, but, because of its use in this commercial, I could begin to like it less. I don’t want that to happen.

4-Pretty much any commercial advertising an NBC show: I watch quite a few shows on NBC. All of the Chicago shows. Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. The Blacklist. Good Girls. I try to avoid all of the commercials for those shows, though. From the voice over actor used to talk about the show, to the horrible self-important music used in every single one of those commercials, to the final image used in those commercials, like Olivia Benson staring into the camera alone, it’s all just so terrible. And what the hell is going on with this “streaming the next day” shit? Where is the show streaming? On NBC’s website? On Hulu? Goddamit.

3- That Neutrogena commercial featuring Nicole Kidman: Nicole Kidman is a terrific actress and, it appears, a wonderful human being and doting mother. That’s all cool. However, why is it important that I and everyone else knows how she takes care of her skin? Am I supposed to be inspired by her skin care routine or something? I mean, I get why she needs to take care of her skin and why she needs to look younger than she actually is (Hollywood and show business are all about youth if you’re a woman. Youthful skin just isn’t as important for a man), but is that kind of thing important for everyone, in every field, everywhere? I don’t think it is. I’m also not a fan of how this commercial uses the same basic script as the one used for the Jennifer Garner Neutrogena commercial. Why can’t Nicole Kidman get a different script?

2-That Amazon Prime commercial with the guy watching Hunters in his bathroom: This commercial is known as the “Binge Cheat” commercial, and features a woman catching her husband/boyfriend in the bathroom, watching Hunters on his phone. And this commercial is set to the song “How Long” by Ace, a catchy tune if there ever was one. Now, I guess we’re supposed to be upset and side with the woman because they both like Hunters and typically watch the show together, but the guy, for whatever reason, is watching Hunters episodes before her. But is that what’s actually happening here? Is it possible that what she’s upset about is that, instead of being in bed with her, he’s in the fucking bathroom watching TV? Is that what the woman’s sexy nightgown is all about? They were getting ready to have sex, she put on her sex clothes, and this asshole is in the bathroom watching Al Pacino kill Nazis?

This commercial is supposed to make me want to get Amazon Prime, isn’t it? It doesn’t do that, though. It just makes me wonder about the couple’s relationship, and I’m pretty sure that I won’t find out what’s actually going on if I get Amazon Prime. So this whole commercial is just fucking stupid.

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And the 411 Dumpster Fire of the Week: The Top 5 Annoying Current TV Commercial Edition top spot goes to:

1-That fucking Facebook “kazoo group” commercial : Jesus fucking Christ this commercial needs to stop airing. This one seems to be on even more than the “rock group” one, and that’s insane. Two women in a boring college class just decide to start fucking around with their kazoos in class (boring class or not that’s rude as hell), then they go outside and a fucking parade develops, all based on a mutual love of kazoos. Is there a musical instrument more annoying than a kazoo? There might be, but every time I see and hear this fucking commercial there really is no other instrument that’s more annoying. In terms of commercials, this one might be the worst in the world. What service is it advocating for? Those ASPCA commercials with all of the sick and abandoned dogs are annoying and sad and depressing as fuck, but at least they’re advocating for a good cause. Are kazoos a good cause? I don’t think so.

As I said, this commercial needs to stop airing and needs to stop now. It’s fucking annoying.

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