wrestling / TV Reports

411’s Impact Wrestling Report 3.16.17

March 16, 2017 | Posted by Aaron Scott

Last week Lashley lost the title to Alberto El Patron and then this.

So Lashley is champion again as the New Era begins with a Dusty Finish. Hello once again everyone. This is Aaron saying welcome to Impact Wrestling. Patron will face off with Ethan Carter III and I’m sure they’ll keep him strong. Eli Drake and Tyrus wrestle the debut of Laredo Kid and Garza Jr., and an old group comes back. Comment on the only show to receive a 0 in recent memory from Larry.

Match times are not exact, card subject to change, let’s get to it.

AEP arrives and gave up the World Title because he used the title belt to win the belt. Despite the fact that pretty much almost every title change has happened in the last year with a title belt shot so.

Alberto comes out and talks about a catchphrase he took from Paige in WWE, he says he is challenging Lashley so here comes Ethan Carter III.

Carter says how noble Alberto is after calling him nefarious. He says Patron has to earn it. Since he is the Top Man here, if Alberto wants to earn it, tonight in this very ring, it is Si vs III. Alberto puts it to the fans. He says no he’s going to face Lashley.

Ethan says “Don’t you know I’m loco??” and challenges his no mas cajones.


Alberto says he’s here for the big dog, not the bitch.

EC3 says so there’s nothing. He can do, so Patron repeats and then he piefaces Alberto. Patron attacks him and basically kicks his ass so Carter escapes taunting him.

So it’s official Ethan Carter III vs Patron.

So backstage Prichard, Dutch and Diamond decide Bruce will figure out the World Tag Title Scene.

We show a video package of Eli Drake and Tyrus how no one owns Tyrus and how Drake made it personal. Tyrus says he made a deal with the devil.

Drake & Tyrus vs Laredo Kid & Garza Jr.

Eli Drake begins with Laredo Kid. There’s a LUCHA chant and lockup, pullover no kicked off, Kid for the kick and kick to the ropes up and head scissors takevoer, Kid caught and takes a back elbow. CRASH stars Kid kind of gets a wristlock takeover but falls on him instead.

Garza dives in, kick to Drake and Eli has the head, whip no down, leapfrogs, misses the second as Garza hung on. Garza takes off his pants and throws a kick, caught and socked. Drake sends the man who catches the ropes and fakes, Drake sent outside. Garza leaps through the ropes into Eli, then Drake moonsaults off the top to take the man down.

Standing moonsault Laredo Kid only gets two.

Drake runs the man back and tags in Tyrus. Tyrus takes a jawbreaker, and Kid goes up, caught and thrown down. Huge flex taunt from Tyrus.

Tyrus is in charge on Laredo Kid as Matthews calls him a monster from Skull Island. Eli is in and punches Kid down. He taunts the camera and cover, no. They threaten us with the debut of Brandi Rhodes in the ring, and Drake tags out. Tyrus hits a belly to belly on Laredo Kid, and tag in to Drake.

Pope says it’s that time of the month. Tyrus slams and Drake hits the E.Li.DRAKE Elbow. Fist to the face and shot to the skull once again. Drake and Tyrus switch tags once again and Tyrus runs to jump into the corner but throws Kid back in over the hard way.

He misses the elbow and both tag out. Garza races in, jumps over Eli, rolling up to Superkick into Drake. Knee to Tyrus but as Tyrus wraps the man, Eli strikes his own guy. Eli hits Kid with the Reverse Skylord Slam, then the Celtic Cross on Garza. He gets distracted by Tyrus and rolled up from behind.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Laredo Kid & Garza Jr. at 11:06, rollup, fluke

Yes Josh calls it another fluke due to miscommunication.

Brandi Rhodes vs KC Quinn

Josh makes fun of Borash for being an announcer and flying a drone.

Cody Rhodes rushes down with his GFW (take a drink) belt and he says the match isn’t going to happen. No one will pimp the Rhodes family name anymore.

Cody offers KC 45 dollars and says go stand in the corner. He asks if we know what excuses are? He says excuses are the nails that build a house of failure. Moose claims that he’s in Japan. Guess what? He IS Japan.

He says he wants Moose for the Impact Grand Championship. He drags Brandi away.

we come back from commercial and Rosemary is beating the shit out of KC Quinn. She gets sent into the barricade and they trade punches in the ring, then a Red Wedding and Rosemary has laid the newcomer out.

EC3 vs Alberto El Patron

Patron beats Carter around the ring and tosses him outside. Running kick to Carter and sends him to the railing. Carter sends Patron into the post. Carter gets sent into the post.

We return and Alberto us in the top. He jumps off and is clotheslined after a shot to the stomach. Carter beats on Alberto, kicks in the corner. EC3 stomps the man down and yells it’s his house.

EC3 sends Patron in and back elbow off the ropes. Carter snaps the suplex, float over and kickout. EC3 gets sent over the side and ran into the turnbuckle. Patron comes outside after and slams Ethan’s wrist into the steps over and over.

Patron tosses Ethan in and wraps the man for the pin no.

Alberto works the keylock, Carter straining to rise he gets his opponent to the corner. Ethan Carter III has Alberto up top but Patron falls backwards with the hanging armbreaker.

Patron goes up and falling chop of some kind, cover only gets two.

Alberto again to the arm, top wristlock wrapped in, sent over and Ethan slams the right handed lariat. Again and jawbreaker. Ethan’s arm is hurt, STINGER SPLASH! Up and Pancake!

Carter points at Alberto, taunts and hurts himself, has the head and thrown off! Alberto runs sent over the side to the floor down below.

Ethan works out his arm, as Alberto crawls up on the floor, and here comes Carter, sends the man’s head into the announce table. Takes some paper and stuffs it in his mouth and bangs his head repeatedly off the table. Breaks up the count, Carter climbs and takes an enzugiri over the ropes!

EC3 down to the floor, Alberto in the ring laid out.

We come back and they are doing the punch trading thing in the center of the ring. Carter slams a series of forearms. He runs off the ropes and Alberto runs him over. Again and a backstabber.

Alberto works the SI chants and he goes for the Cross Armbreaker but gets thrown off and sends Ethan into the corner, he hits the Single Arm DDT.

Alberto lands the shot into Carter, Patron makes his way to the top rope, Carter runs and cuts him off. Ethan is hurting, headbutt to Alberto. Carter tries for the Superplex but Alberto fights him away and looks for the Double Stomp off the top but Carter yanks him down,

EC3 hits the TK3! Carter is in the corner, he goes for another TK3 and hits it! Ethan Carter III rolls to the outside, he grabs a chair. The fans are yelling as Carter takes the chair, and raises it high-

“DO IT!”

EC3 tosses the chair, and he grabs the head no CODEBREAKER ON THE ARM! SUPERKICK! Cross Arm Breaker!

OFFICIAL RESULT: Alberto El Patron at 21:43, Cross Armbreaker

Patron gives Carter a kneeling applause. He says tonight Ethan gave him one of the best matches of his career. He offers a handshake and Ethan does.

Backstage Mkenzie has Reno Scum.

They yell about things and scream a lot.

Backstage Carter is kicking shit. He shoves Bruce. They argue backstage as we go to commercial.

Trevor Lee vs Braxton Sutter vs Andrew Everett vs Suicide

Helms is with Andrew, Allie Braxton.

Lee goes outside as Braxton attacks him. Suicide punches him and Everett goes over the side plancha into Lee!

Schoolboy no backflip from Lee, Everett on Suicide, Stter on Suicide, clothesline no Kip Up from Everett. Lee jumps in and all three beat on him. Tilt A Whirl gourdbuster into Everett, then Sutter. Bulldog from Suicide.

Lee drags the man outside. Trevor runs and sent over by Everett. Suicide sent over, Suicide Backwards Dive into Lee and Sutter.

Everett Springboard Shooting Star into all three!!

Andrew Everett and Lee are brawling as we come back, Lee is kicked, Shane Helms distracts Everett who nails the man with the knee. Lee takes out Sutter and Suicide, kickout at two.

Lee beats on Everett, he throws Everett hard and sideways into the buckle. He kicks and stomps on Suicide. Short Arm into the Koji and no sent over into the pin. Suicide sent out, Sutter caught big powerslam. Everett caught with a spinebuster, Missile off the top from Suicide.

Slam from Suicide and trading shots and Everett double Pele to both Braxton and Suicide.

Shot to the head on the top from Suicide, they climb up and Sutter climbs up for the double team and Lee jumps to be caught he grabs Lee and GERMAN TOWER OF DOOM!

Laurel Van Ness is at ringside eating chocolate wedding cake. She attacks Allie at ringside and Sutter rushes out to pull them apart.


Jumping knee from Lee and he beats Braxton.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Trevor Lee at 12:50, Knee

Sienna walks out and calls out Allie. She says Allie is a happy bunny but she has the AK-47. She’s a hopeless romantic. So she appreciates a good love story. She says the first time they sleep together will be in a hospital.

The Fate of the Impact Tag Team Championships

Bruce Prichard says the tag titles will be decided in two weeks with the best four tag teams. This brings out Decay.

Rosemary says they rescued the tag titles from Space and Time. She demands them or they will take them. Reno Scum come out claiming they should have the tag titles. Garza Jr. and Laredo Kid come out and he says porque no sotros estamos aqui. He wants the tag team championships.

Abyss attacks them! Rosemary and Steve are on Reno Scum and Decay clear the ring.

Konann and Homicide rush the ring and EYFBO attack Decay from behind. Angel Rose hits the 3D on Rosemary. They hit a step up senton into Abyss and Homicide hits the Gringo Killah on Crazzy Steve. Konnan promises the tag team titles are coming to LAX.

Next week, Karen Jarrett is here.

Thanks everyone, tune in for Larry’s Review, and we will see you next time. Sound off down below, and for everyone here at the 411, this is Aaron saying so long and we will see you later.