411’s NWA TNA PPV Report 03.17.04

This is Dave Gagnon, this is TNA, March 17th 2004.

The show started with highlights of the Americas Cup. Sadly, Canada lost but who can be surprised with such a lame roster? Team Canada needs real canadians like Iron Mike Sharpe, Jean Pierre Laffitte and, of course, “The Enforcer” Todd Bertuzzi. Also from last week, ICP jobs so now they’re gone. These guys are as reliable as 411’s server *rimshot*.

Backstage,Vince Russo made this very important statement: everybody has to earn their position. He announced a gauntlet match with ten heavyweight contenders which will form the official TNA ranking.

Your hosts are Mike Tenay and SCREAMIN’ DON WEST!

Because you asked for it, we now have the very special “Dave Gagnon Rating”, the best (and only) way to rate TNA matches.
AJ Styles Rating: Excellent Match
Raven Rating: Very Good Match
Jeff Jarrett: Good Match
Sonny Siaki: Average Match
Jonny Fairplay: Bad Match

Opening Match: Primetime Elix Skipper vs Frankie Kazarian
We learned that X division champion Chris Sabin is out with a knee injury. Elix Skipper still wants to reform XXX, for those who forgot the angle that started 19 years ago. They talked about a six man match with the winner getting the no.1 contedership for Sabin’s title. And, judging by Sabin’s condition, the winner may be the next champion. Another announcement is that the next Americas Cup will take place April 7th with Team AAA defending their title for the second time. Wow, these guys defend their titles more than Big Show. So-so match hurt by the fact that these two guys are not exactly TNA’s most pushed performers. After a short back and fourth match, Kazarian won with a handful of tights. Now that Eddie Guerrero reinvented the way of cheating, this kind of finish is really dated now. Kazarian attacked Elix after the bell but Lynn made the save.
WINNER: Frankie Kazarian at 6:00.
RATING: Sonny Siaki

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewed Glenn Gilberti. He’s confident for the gauntlet match. Gilberti: “Alex Wright, if you are listening, please come back! We’ll be Boogie Knights again! Remember how Widro liked you as Berlyn?”.

Tenay interviewed Internet Darling Vince Russo. Russo said what he did with Chris Harris was all for his own good. That’s what he said about WCW and it died, maybe Chris should go see a doctor. He got interrupted by Raven and Sabu. And I thought that Sabu was only a one shot deal. As you can probably guess, Raven asked for a title shot with his catchprase he came up with in 1993. Russo offered them to be in the upcoming tag team tournament. Aww, so that’s what happened to these freakin’ titles. I thought Abyss and AJ were supposed to fight over it but I guess it’s beneath them .That or Luger was supposed to be Abyss’ partner and he bailed out on them. Raven refused, insisting to fight for the world heavyweight title. Russo then offered a spot in the gauntlet but Raven wants Harris’ spot tonight because “he isn’t ready for his match against Jarrett”. Raven at his selfish best, you gotta love it. Then we got this “backstage politics” bullshit that never works in Russo’s storylines. Raven feels that Russo favors Styles, Siaki and Jarris. Raven vowed to get Russo’s attention tonight. Raven: “…….ASS!!!!!!!!! HA! I swore during a TNA PPV. Did I get your attention? Huh!? Think about it”.

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewed Monte Brown, who, I believe, was in the very first TNA pay per views. Now, they need to bring back Cheex, The Johnsons (also known as The World’s Greatest Penises) and Mortimer Plumtree. Monte Brown: “Are you down with the brown? No wait…that didn’t work too well for D-Lo. Wait, I got it…There’s no frown when Brown is around. Yeah, that will work!”.

Second Match: The Alpha Male Monte Brown vs Chris Vaughn
Well yes, I paid 10 bucks to see this match. Monte is a former New England Patriot. With his contract negotiations not going well, we can expect Ty Law to feud with him next year. For those who don’t remember, Chris Vaughn is a member of the blackshirt security. This match is the pretzels! Monte Brown dominated while Vaughn bumped around like a pinball. Brown hit Vaughn with a spear off the ropes but not quite the same that injured Edge’s shoulder a couple of years ago. He finished Vaughn with a sidemount into a powerbomb. I always like big man vs little man matches, so sue me.
WINNER: Monte Brown at 4:54
RATING: Sonny Siaki

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewed The Phenomenal AJ Styles. AJ has a big ladder match against The Hoss Abyss tonight. AJ doesn’t like Raven and never did. AJ Styles: “If you ask me Raven, wearing a kilt is gay. But I am not an homophobe. Homophobia is not a phenomenal thing for AJ Styles. Cheese, however, is”.

Third Match: James Storm vs Shane Douglas
Tenay and West acknowledged Fairplay’s presence at ringside. Now that the ICP fans are gone, TNA talent has to fill the empty seats. Another short match. Tracy distracted the ref even though Douglas had Storm down after his dreaded belly-to-belly suplex. Visibly upset, Douglas got up to complain, then Storm superkicked him for the win. How many wrestlers use the superkick as a finisher? Speaking of superkick, Shawn Michaels’ Cousin ran in to calm down Shane Douglas, upset at the lovely Traci.
WINNER: James Storm at 5:10.
RATING: Sonny Siaki

Scott Hudson told Jarrett he must be concerned about facing Chris Harris later. Jarrett said he wasn’t concerned because he owns the company. Acutally he said he wasn’t concerned because Harris wasn’t ready. Usually, when everybody makes a point about someone being not ready, that guy wins against all odds. But it won’t happen tonight, sorry to get your hopes up like that. Goldy Locks walked into the picture harassing Erik Watts on her cell phone. I’m in love with Goldy Locks. Jarrett yanked the phone out of her which really pissed her off.

Fourth Match: Gauntlet Match
Simon Diamond and David Young were in first. Diamond eliminated young. Kid Kash and D-Lo Brown were the next to come out. Kash eliminated D-Lo. Sonny Siaki was next. He gave a great overhead suplex to Kash but Raven, who wasn’t in the match, interfered and gave Siaki an evenflow DDT. That’s probably the way he chose to get Russo’s attention. Gilberti easily eliminated Siaki. Michael Shane was next, followed by Konnan and Killings. Konnan eliminated Kash but got quickly eliminated by Gilberti. Diamond backdropped Gilberti over the top rope for the elimination. Swinger came out next and eliminated his former tag team partner, Diamond. Killings eliminated Swinger. The two final wrestlers were Killings and Douglas. Douglas asked for Michael Shane’s helped but he refused. Killings used that distraction to pin Douglas for the win. Even more dissention in The Franchise’s stable.
WINNER: Ron Killings at 12:28
RATING: Jeff Jarrett

So now, Ron Killings has a high ranking number due to his win but the no.1 contender will be decided in the AJ/Abyss ladder match, later tonight.

Backstage, Russo confronted Raven. Now that he knows that he got Russo’s attention, he left the arena. That’s code for “I pretend that I am leaving but I will interfere in a match later”.

Fifth Match: The Phenomenal AJ Styles vs The Hoss Abyss – Ladder Match
When these two face, you should order the ppv. They always deliver. And you can bet that one of these days, Vince McMahon will steal Abyss away from TNA. Really, what you want me to say? It was once again a great match between those two. I won’t do play by play but here’s the highlights of the match: Styles dropped Abyss’ chin over the edge of the ladder in a painful-looking spot. Abyss set up Styles for a powerbomb onto a chair but Styles countered with the Styles Clash. Midway in the match, AJ dove off the ladder with a front flip splash onto Abyss. The crowd went nuts after that one. He then sunset flipped Abyss off the ladder onto two chairs in the ring. Like Seinfeld would say “That’s gotta hurt, I don’t care where you are from”. Raven, of course, interfered, distracting AJ. Abyss tipped Styles off the ladder, sending him to the floor. Abyss grabbed the contract for the win. Once again, Raven got Russo’s attention. That’ll teach him.
WINNER: Abyss at 12:35
RATING: Raven

Abyss is now the no.1 contender for the world heavyweight title. Good for him.

We learned that The Amazing Red will be back next week, which is terrific news. Backstage, AJ Styles and Raven had a confrontation but Sabu was there to break it up. Here’s what happened.

Raven: I am glad that you lost AJ!
AJ: Screw you Raven! I’ll get my revenge.
Raven: Oh yeah? How about right now?
AJ: That’s what you want, huh? You’re gonna get it.
*Sabu runs in to break the fight*
Sabu: …
Raven: What do you want?
AJ: Yeah! Mind your own business.
*Sabu points at the sky*
Raven: What’s your point?
*Sabu points at the sky*
AJ: Stop this!
*Sabu points at the sky*
AJ: Screw this! I’m leaving.

Main Event: JJJ (champion) vs Chris Harris – NWA World Hvt.Title Match
They showed family members of Harris in the crowd. The atmosphere is great with Tenay at the top of his game and the classic “arrogant champion vs young up and comer” storyline. Feeling out process to start. Harris scored a series of near falls which sent Jarrett outside of the ring. Jarrett realized that maybe the young kid is ready after all. Abyss was in the crowd. Harris dominated the match early with fast-paced and energetic offense. Jarrett gained the upper hand and got in Harris’s mother’s face. Killings is also in the crowd. Jarrett dominated until Harris came back by dropping Jarrett over the top rope. Harris gave Jarrett a full nelson slam, then went for the alabama jam. Jarrett moved and then applied his figure-four leglock. Russo walked to the ring with a white towel in his hand. The towel wasn’t necessary because Harris reversed the figure-four. Jarrett managed to get out. After a slugfest Harris got in “pissed off babyface no-selling” mode. The match then went back and fourth. Harris set up the catatonic, but Jarrett escaped. Harris then hit the spear but Jarrett kicked out. Harris went for a second spear but it hit the ref instead of Jarrett. Harris and Jarrett then each grabbed a chair. Harris hit Jarrett with it, went for the pin, a second ref ran in but it only got a two count. Jarrett then hit Harris with the belt while the ref was distracted. Harris kicked out just before the three. Harris then hit his Catatonic but Jarrett kicked out at the very last second. 2nd ref bump. Stroke on Harris but he kicked out. I thought for sure that was the end. Jarrett grabbed a chair but the ref grabbed it from him. Storm used that distraction to superkick Jarrett. It would have ended the match but Raven stopped the count. Jarrett then grabbed his guitar and hit Harris. The ref then counted to three. Cahotic match. Harris really shined in his first major singles match.
WINNER: Jeff Jarrett at 19:35.
RATING: Raven

At the end of the show, Russo announced that Jarrett would defend his title again in a steel cage match. AJ Styles ran in and brawled with Raven to end the show.

With the two final matches, this show was pretty good.

Did you like this report better? Did you like the new rating system? Tell me about it at [email protected]. Your feedback is always appreciated.

See you next week for the TNA report AND a brand new Canadian Rants! What a great week to be alive.