411’s TNA Impact Report 02.05.09

The show starts with a video package detailing how Team 3-D, Sting and Kurt Angle made their way to the main event of Against All Odds coming up this Sunday night, as well as last week’s handicap match between Angle and LAX that saw Angle come out on top. We also get the same shot the closed out last week’s show, with the menacing new look for Samoa Joe.

We’ve got fireworks, we’ve got pyro and we are LIVE-ish from the Impact Zone in Orlando!! The tag team main event for this week features all four men in the main event at Against All Odds as Sting and Kurt Angle will take on Team 3-D tonight! It’s time for that familiar music and here comes the Main Event Mafia to the ring, with Kurt Angle holding a microphone and leading the way. Kevin Nash actually starts talking first, saying that he’s been in this business a while, they’ve cut into his body more times than a medical school cadaver and that as he ever so slowly morphs into Kenny Rogers, he’s done a lot of business in this ring. He says that most of his work was done behind the curtain as a magician. If he wanted someone gone, they were gone and if someone said he stirred a little shit in his career, it’d be an understatement. He brings up Samoa Joe’s shoot on Scott Hall and how when that happened, he pretty much wanted Joe gone. He says that Joe is the first guy that he’s ever wanted gone from somewhere that’s still there and that because he’s got a new haircut and some facepaint, he thinks he’s a tough guy. Nash says he’s going to go old-school and kick Joe’s ass because whether Joe realizes it or not, he’s been cast in the part of Nash’s bitch in the Main Event Mafia’s little movie. He hands off to Angle and Angle says that everyone’s thinking about what’s going to happen when all four men face off for Sting’s TNA World Heavyweight Title and that there will likely be a clearer picture after tonight’s main event. Angle says he thought he knew Sting, but he’s not so sure anymore. He talks about how there was a pact made for respect when the Main Event Mafia was born and created and that none of them have forgotten that. Angle says he’ll make a promise and that the TNA World Heavyweight Title will stay in the Main Event Mafia, regardless of what he has to do to make it that way. He stares down Sting and tells him that he’ll see him in the ring, partner.

We cut to the back with Lauren and she’s got Team 3-D with her. Devon says that they know Kurt Angle better than almost anyone and that he may be one of the greatest wrestlers to lace a pair of boots and one of the greatest wrestlers in the history of this business. Devon promises that they’re going to be ready for anything Angle can throw at them. Brother Ray says that Sting is primed to lose the belt to one of them, and he says that he wants to see Angle in the trunk of a car, or with some cement shoes. He thinks that Angle’s taking the Mafia thing too far and that he should change his name to Angleini or Anglezutto or something vaguely Italian. He says that he knows that Angle sent Sting to the wolves of Team 3-D last week to try to soften him up and that they get it. They know how his little brain works and he promises that they will cut the ring in half and he will never get the chance to tag to Sting tonight. He tells Kurt that he’s going to get a dose of his own medicine and that on Sunday, one half of the greatest tag team in wrestling history will win the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.

TNA Rough Cuts featuring Kyoshi and it starts with Alex Shelley talking about Kyoshi wrestling in Canada before going to Mexico and Japan. Chris Sabin talks about how he’s modeled himself after one of the greatest wrestlers of all-time, The Great Muta. Kyoshi talks about idolizing Muta growing up before we hear from the man himself, Keiji Mutoh. He says that Kiyoshi is full of passion for the business. Sting says that if Muta is backing Kyoshi as a wrestler, he must have something special and we can expect big things from him. Kyoshi says that he respects Muta for training him, but he wants to surpass the legend of Muta in his own career.

After a video package showing the beatdown of Petey Williams last week and Mike Tenay talking about how the Motor City Machine Guns were in the building but did nothing Lauren is in the back with Lethal Consequences. She talks about their match with the Motor City Machine Guns tonight and if it’s the beginning of the end of the Frontline. Creed says that it’s about being a family, not about being out for themselves and that since the MCMG’s showed their true colors last week, they’ll treat them like they’re no better than the Main Event Mafia. Lethal cuts a promo on “The Rockers” saying that you can bring on Virgil and he wants the Million Dollar Belt before heading out of the locker room screaming “MARTY!!”. Funny stuff from Lethal there.

Match One:
Motor City Machine Guns vs. Lethal Consequences

HERE COMES BEER MONEY BEFORE THE MATCH ATTACKING CREED AND LETHAL!! Storm beats down Lethal with right hands and Creed is handling Roode with punches against the guardrail. Storm and Lethal brawl up into the crowd with Lethal starting to turn the tide while Creed continues to drop some punches on Roode before Roode hits a big shot to the gut. Storm sends Lethal headfirst into the wall of the Impact Zone and Roode whips Creed into the ring steps. While all of this chaos goes on, the Guns are just standing in the ring watching it happen. Roode and Storm isolate one of Creed’s arms against the turnbuckle in the corner and Storm WAFFLES Creed’s arm with a chair while Jackie holds Lethal in the crowd. Lethal makes it over the rail to Creed, but the damage is already done. Don West is pissed that the Guns are part of the Frontline, but stood by and did nothing.

We come back from the break and the match is underway with Jay Lethal and Chris Sabin starting things out. Creed has been taken out and Lethal’s going to go it alone, snap maring Sabin over into a low dropkick before peppering him with jabs. Lethal hits the ropes, but Sabin scores with a knee to the gut and tags in Alex Shelley. Lethal shoulderblocks Shelley into the corner, but gets caught by Shelley. They work some chain wrestling with Lethal sending Shelley to the floor with a big springboard dropkick. He follows it up with a suicide dive through the ropes onto Shelley and Sabin tries for one of his own, but Lethal gets out of the way. Lethal rolls Shelley into the ring and gets a two-count before they do a rope-running sequence. Lethal follows Shelley into the corner with a big dropkick after Shelley hit a clothesline, but the numbers game is too much because Sabin hits a big backbreaker into a two-count. Sabin tags back to Shelley and Shelley and Lethal trade forearms in the middle of the ring. Shelley hits a big discus forearm and works a twister hold into some elbows in the back of the head. He sets up for Sliced Bread but Lethal reverses it and hits a walk-up enziguri that drops Shelley to the mat. Sabin comes in for some double-teaming and they hit sanwich kicks before Shelley locks in a camel clutch into a pinning attempt for two. Tag to Sabin and he comes off the top rope with an elbow to the back of the head. HERE COMES ERIC YOUNG!! He’s on the apron as Lethal’s new partner and Lethal ducks under a double-clothesline and ducks under an enziguri from Sabin that rocks Shelley in the back of the head. LETHAL COMBINATION ON SABIN!! HOT TAG TO SHOWTIME!! Right hands for the Guns, inverted atomic drop on Shelley, discus clothesline on Sabin, facebuster on Shelley and it’s time to go up top!! Young hits a legdrop from the top rope and covers…1….2…Sabin breaks it up at the last moment. Sabin Irish whips Young into the corner and charges and he and Shelley both hit kicks to Young’s head against the turnbuckle. Sabin sets Young up for the Cradle Shock as Shelley mounts the top rope, but Young wiggles free and pushes Sabin into the rope, crotching Shelley. Young grabs Sabin and sets up for the Death Valley Driver, ramming Sabin’s head into Shelley’s crotch for good measure. Wait a minute, hold the phone. Young grabs Shelley on top of Sabin and hits a DOUBLE DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!! Pin on Shelley!! 1…2….3!!! Showtime picks up the big win!!

Winners: Jay Lethal and Eric Young (pinfall, double Death Valley Driver) **1/2

(What a finish!! The match itself was about the same as every other X Division match ever which means that it was flashy as all get out, but no one sold worth a damn. I was entertained throughout and was happy to see Young come down to help out Lethal. It was even cooler to see Young get the win, which will likely set up a match with Shelley for the belt down the road. I would have given this one an extra star if they could have gotten another five minutes or so, but I’m not going to complain too loudly. Perfectly acceptable match to kick off the show)

After the break, Alex Shelley has a microphone in the ring and he’s angry. He says that the two things that mean the most to him are his partner and his belt. He says that he doesn’t have a dance partner for Against All Odds and he challenges Young to a match saying that if you step to the King, you better not miss. Young accepts, adding that he didn’t miss and he won’t miss at Against All Odds as long as Shelley’s “life partner” stays out of the match. We get the rundown for the Against All Odds pay-per-view with Tenay and West hitting the hard shill. They include the match between Shelley and Sabin before throwing it to Jim Cornette in the back with JB and the Kongtourage. Cornette says that it’s going to be one-on-one at Against All Odds and that the Kongtourage will be nowhere to be found. Bolt threatens Cornette and he’s done with them, telling them to get out of his office. Cornette makes Borash try to take his blood pressure and in comes Booker T, wanting to referee the Shane Sewell/Sheik Abdul Bashir match tonight. Booker says he can’t wait until next Sunday and that he’s going to get his hands on “Stool” tonight. He promises that whatever happens will be on Cornette’s head.

Lauren is in the back with Angelina and Velvet and one of them grabs the microphone, saying that Roxxi and Taylor Wilde won’t have an opportunity to fight back because they’re going to make it a massacre. She says that they’re not going to wrestle, it’s going to be a tragedy when they’re done with Roxxi and Wilde. The other dumb blonde grabs the mic and says that the fun and games are over and that their asses belong to the Beautiful People. They’re going to do things that will put a slaughterhouse to shame and tonight they’ll earn back their crowns, their dignity and their respect. A decent promo actually. Now if only I could figure out which is which.

Match Two:
Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Shane Sewell

Random Impact Observation #1: Shane Sewell really needs to have some legitimate wrestling gear instead of his Danny Davis-redux duds. I know he doesn’t make much as a referee according to kayfabe, but tights can’t cost that much can they?

They hit a lockup to start and they fight against the ropes before Sewell gives Bashir a clean break in the corner. They do it all over again with Bashir pushing Sewell into the ropes, hitting him with a cheap shot and kicking him down in the corner. Chops from Bashir into more stomps to the gut and he chokes Sewell against the canvas with his boot. Sewell explodes out of the corner with a HUGE clothesline into a back bodydrop and a big armdrag takedown that sends Bashir out to the floor. Bashir drags Sewell out to the floor and rams him back-first into the apron before throwing him back into the ring. BIG right hand from Bashir drops Sewell and gets a two-count before he picks Sewell up for headbutts to the kidneys. Russian legsweep gets another two-count for Bashir and he moves to a reverse bodylock. Sewell fights to his feet and breaks free, but Bashir locks him up in a sleeper. Sewell hits a big belly-to-back suplex to get out and follows it up with right hands. Irish whip from Sewell gets reversed by Bashir, but Sewell turns it into a dropkick followed up by a headbutt to the groin. Bulldog from Sewell and he gets a long two-count off of that but Bashir gets back into the bout with a jawbreaker. Perfect-plex from Sewell gets another two-count and Sewell shoves Bashir into the corner for some heavy chops. Bashir and Sewell fight over an Irish whip and in the melee, Bashir tackles referee Slick Johnson. Both men take each other down with clotheslines and HERE COMES REFEREE T!! Booker gets into the ring and starts counting both men down while helping up Bashir. Bashir heads up to the top rope and tries for a legdrop, but Sewell sits up!! Sewell’s up to the top rope and he hits a HUGE CROSS BODY!! Booker doesn’t count the cover and kicks Sewell in the head!! There’s the bell as Booker keeps laying in the shots!! Sewell fires back with right hands and here comes TNA security to break them up!! PULL-APART BRAWL!!

Winner: Shane Sewell (disqualification, Booker-ference) *3/4

(Strictly there to allow for the continuation of the Booker/Sewell angle and it doesn’t make a ton of sense considering that the Bashir/Sewell feud was already blown off at the pay-per-view. The match itself felt disjointed and there wasn’t a lot of selling, just move after move after move. The other thing I wish that TNA would put a cap on is the amount of pull-apart brawls they manage to have during Impact. It’s starting to become predictable and the more they do them, the less impact they have, pardon the pun.)

JB has Sting in the back, and Sting says he has no idea where he stands with Kurt Angle and that everyone will have to watch the pay-per-view to find out what’s next. He says that the one thing he does know is that if he’s not holding the TNA World Heavyweight Championship, it will be tarnished and defiled. JB asks if he means that to include Kurt Angle too, and Sting just eyeballs him and walks off. SMELL THE TENSION!!

We get a video package going all the way back to eight months ago, showing The Beautiful People and their path of destruction on Roxxi and Taylor Wilde before we get into the “Governor Palin” nonsense and the pay-off that got Sky and Love slopped. We even get to see the beatdown they gave Palin a couple of weeks back before we get to….

Match Three:
The Beautiful People w/Cute Kip vs. Roxxi and Taylor Wilde

Sky and Love fly out of the ring and charge Roxxi and Wilde on the ramp. All four women brawl through the Impact Zone with Sky and Roxxi fighting on one side of the ring and Love and Wilde on the other side. Sky hits a drop toehold and puts Roxxi face-first into the ring steps as the bell finally rings to get things underway. Love and Sky beat the piss out of Wilde in the ring and lay in the stomps as Roxxi lays on the floor. Love with a pair of turnbuckle smashes on Wilde before tagging in Sky for some stomps and mounted punches. Sky chokes away on Wilde, shrieking as she does so, before tagging Love back in. Love eats a shot to the gut and a forearm before Wilde hits a cross-bodyblock off the ropes for a two-count. Love flings Wilde against the ropes again and mounts her to throw some haymakers as Roxxi finally makes her way back up to the ring apron. Tag to Sky and they hit a double-elbowdrop before Sky lays in some chops in the corner. She follows them up with shoulderblocks to the gut and tries an Irish whip to the corner, but she eats a pair of knees from Wilde on the charge in. Wilde tags in Roxxi and she drops Sky with a pair of clotheslines before trying for a slam. Sky grabs her in a Russian legsweep and as Love hits a jumping kick to the face, Sky drops her down and that’s good enough for the three-count.

Winners: The Beautiful People (pinfall, double-team Russian legsweep) *1/2

(Too one-sided to mean anything, but it’s the way it had to be for the storyline to progress at all. I liked the intensity that The Beautiful People brought into the match and this was the first segment of theirs that was actually watchable in months. The rating for the match is pretty much all for them as Roxxi and Wilde got in next to nothing in what was little more than a glorified squash match.)

After the match, Sky and Love hit the same Russian legsweep move on Wilde and give both of them the paper bag treatment. HERE COMES “PALIN”!! LOW BLOW ON KIP! SHE CLEANS HOUSE ON THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!! ROLL OF THE DICE ON LOVE!! Tenay calls it the “Thrilla from Wasilla” and Kip saves Love from a bagging as we head to the break. We see Brutus Magnus warming up in the back and we’re told that his TNA Impact debut is coming up next!!

Rough Cuts with Kyoshi continues and he talks about learning the fundamentals in Japan, but that he needed to learn more and leave Japan to go to the next level. Alex Shelley mirrors that and talks about how a lot of Japanese wrestlers have to pay their dues and that they can plateau very easily suggesting that it’s probably why he decided to venture elsewhere. Sting says that the Japanese have strong training ethics and that Kyoshi is not someont to take lightly. Kyoshi says that he is honoring Muta, not trying to copy him and that he’s going to take what he’s learned to make his own way to the top.

Match Four:
Shark Boy vs. Brutus Magnus

Sharky starts out quick with right hands, but Magnus puts a stop to that with a BIG powerslam that gets a quick two-count. European uppercut and he hits a Snake Eyes into a running high knee. Legdrop from Magnus gets a pair of two-counts and he follows that up with an Irish whip into a reverse elbow. Magnus tries a springboard elbowdrop, but Shark Boy rolls out of the way, following it with right hands and a Thesz Press. Elbowdrop to the chest from Shark Boy and he’s STOMPING A CODHOLE AND CARPING IT DRY!! Jawbreaker from Shark Boy and he sets up for the Stunner, but Magnus hits what he calls a “tormentum” or something, that looks like a twisting Death Valley Driver and he gets the three-count! Magnus grabs the microphone and says that he’s insulted by the competition he was given tonight. He issues an open challenge at Against All Odds, saying that if they have the bollocks step up to the plate because his time for glory is now!

Winner: Brutus Magnus (pinfall, Tormentum) 3/4*

(Squashy McSquash. I have no problems with a match like this on Impact, especially when it’s introducing a new character, but this one was kind of flat. Magnus didn’t show me a whole hell of a lot and his finisher sounds WAY more impressive than it looks. I’m not going to turn on the guy because of a crappy gimmick and one lackluster match, but it’s surely a couple of strikes against him already.)

JB is in the back with Kurt Angle and he asks Kurt about his response to Sting’s comments. Angle looks at Borash like he just cut a fart and says that people want to stir things up between the Main Event Mafia, but there’s nothing to stir. He says that they’re as tight as a family could be and they’re too smart to fall for a divide and conquer trap. He says that he doesn’t care how many times Team 3-D have won the tag team titles, he’s been a twelve-time world champion on his own. He promises that he doesn’t need Sting and that he can do it all by himself. JB questions him on that line of logic and Angle lays hands on him and assures him he can do it all on his own.

We get a video package that shows the issue between Matt Morgan and Abyss including the heel turn that everyone but Abyss saw coming before the music hits and it’s time for…

Match Five:
“The Blueprint” Matt Morgan vs. Rhino

They hit a lock-up and shove each other away before Morgan hits a kick to the gut. Rhino fires back with right hands, but Morgan drops him with a big clothesline followed by a huge grin and some choking. Morgan scores with a Russian legsweep and pushes Rhino into the corner for the flurry of elbows before hitting an Avalanche. He chokes Rhino across the top rope and charges for a legdrop across the top rope. Right hands from Morgan and he locks Rhino’s arms around his neck to choke him out before Rhino fights to his feet with right hands. Off the ropes with an Irish whip and Rhino hits a clothesline followed by a diving tackle that puts Morgan down. Shoulderblock to the gut from Rhino and he follows it up with a BIG belly-to-belly suplex. Rhino tries for the Gore, but Morgan jumps over it and hits a HUGE CARBON FOOTPRINT!! He heads outside and grabs a chair, coming into the ring and laying it on the canvas, but HERE COMES ABYSS!! ABYSS HAS TWO BAGS IN HIS HANDS!! RIGHT HANDS ON MORGAN!! Clothesline drops Morgan down and he hits a big splash in the corner. BLACK HOLE SLAM ON MORGAN!! He’s pointing at the bags and out come the THUMBTACKS!! He’s setting up for a chokeslam on Morgan, but Morgan sees it coming and bails to the floor!!

Winner: Matt Morgan (disqualification, Abyss-ference) *1/2

(Like almost every match on this show, it’s all about the angle as this was just a means to the end of getting Abyss to try to gain a measure of revenge on Morgan before their bout on Sunday. Rhino looked to be alright, but a little slower than usual and this was probably the best way to use him. Look for Abyss to get brutalized on Sunday in an attempt to put Morgan over as the next big man in the main event mix, but since it’s only about the hundredth time that Abyss has been beaten down, it might not take.)

Abyss is still in the ring and he’s filled the ring with broken glass, kendo sticks and trash cans before grabbing the mircophone. He says that he’s introducing Morgan to his real best friend. His name is Abyss and he’s had enough. He says he’s endured abusive fathers, prison time, psychiatric treatment and even some shock therapy and Morgan knew how delicate his psyche was. He was befriended with a false sense of trust that does not exist in Abyss’ world. Abyss suggests that even though Morgan calls himself “the DNA of TNA”, when you add the Abyss chromosome you get tables and chairs and tacks and glass. While he’s talking, he is punching his fists into the piles of tacks and glass, drawing his own blood and reminding me of Jos Leduc back in the day. Abyss says that the old saying goes that you hurt the ones you care about the most and this Sunday he’s going to prove those words true by kicking Morgan’s ass.

Random Impact Observation #2: Money promo and some incredibly intense work from Abyss here. It doesn’t make me want to see the match any more than before, and if anything it makes me sad that Abyss has given up so much in his career only to be stuck in the mid-card. Something like this to put over a main event would be huge and it almost seems to be wasted on a match against a guy like Matt Morgan. All that being said, it’s some of Abyss’ best work in a long time and it’s hopefully a sign of things to come.

JB is in the back with Mick Foley and he asks Foley about the big main event match tonight. Foley says that Team 3-D are brothers and we’re going to find out if Sting and Angle can even begin to co-exist tonight. Borash asks about the Against All Odds main event and Foley says that that dynamic will make tonight’s bout even more interesting. JB asks Mick about Jeff Jarrett’s condition and says he has a big question to ask him, but Foley tells him to hold on to the question because he can ask Jarrett himself when he comes back next week.

Match Six:
Sting and Kurt Angle vs. Team 3-D

Team 3-D make their entrance again with the IWGP Tag Titles in tow and those belts look like toy belts in their hands. They chase Sting and Angle from the ring and do some posing before the bell rings to get the main event underway. Angle starts things out with Brother Devon and Devon hits a go-behind before Angle reverses. Devon reverses it right back into a side headlock and Angle has to go to the gut to break it up. Devon with a big shoulderblock off the ropes and Angle leans out of the ropes to take a breather to collect his thoughts. Angle tries a charge on Devon but eats another clothesline and some right hands before Devon hits a reverse elbow off the ropes that gets a one-count. Angle and Sting talk some smack, but Angle turns around right into an armdrag takedown followed up by an armbar. Tag to Brother Ray and he comes off the ropes with a double axehandle on the arm. Ray works the armwringer, but Angle takes a short cut and rakes the eyes. Ray drops Angle with a shoulderblock and follows it with a big hip toss and an even bigger bodyslam that gets a two-count. Sting holds his hand out for a tag, but Angle tells him where to stick it. Angle locks up with Brother Ray again and pushes him into the corner, hitting a shot to the gut off of a break and pounding away with right hands. Angle knocks Devon off the apron and drops down with an Anklelock on Ray. Ray kicks him off, but Angle hits a quick elbowdrop for a one-count. Forearm from Angle and he whips Ray in, but Ray makes the tag to Devon and reverses, setting Angle up for a double-flapjack that gets a two-count. Sting puts his hand out for the tag again and Angle tells him to stick it again, taking a big belly-to-back suplex from Devon that gets another two-count. Angle rolls outside and he and Sting argue, with Scott Steiner coming down to try to mediate the dispute. Main event commercial break time!

Back from the commercial and Angle has a reverse chinlock on Devon, but Devon elbows his way out of it, bouncing off the ropes right into a reverse elbow from Angle. Angle locks in a crossface chinlock on Devon and Devon elbows out again, but Angle hits a forearm to the back before setting up for the Angle Slam. Devon reverses into an armdrag and there’s the HOT TAG TO BROTHER RAY!! Ray’s dropping Angle with clotheslines, adding in a sitout, full nelson bomb that gets two. Irish whip and Ray ducks down, but Angle kicks him in the face. Angle switches and hits a big German suplex on Ray as Sting holds out his hand again. Angle tells Sting to blow it out his ass and DOWN COME THE STRAPS!! Angle’s distracted by Sting and ends up on Ray’s shoulders!! Here comes Brother Devon with the DUDLEYVILLE DEVICE!! Ray with the cover, but Sting has referee Earl Hebner distracted to keep him from making the count. HERE COMES BOOKER T!! There’s the bell!!

Winners: Team 3-D (disqualification, Booker-ference) **

(This was actually pretty much what I expected heading into the pay-per-view and it was pretty entertaining for what it was. The entire show was based around selling the pay-per-view rather than having blowaway matches and all things considered I think they did a pretty good job of it with the hard sell on nearly all the matches for Sunday. I like the slow build to the Sting face turn and I also liked the way that Team 3-D controlled the pace against Angle, much like it was last week when they faced off against Sting. All signs point to an Angle win on Sunday, but it should be an interesting ride getting there.)

Booker’s laying in the shots on Devon, Scott Steiner’s in the ring dropping some boots on Brother Ray and Team 3-D makes their comeback!! Sting’s standing outside the ring with his bat, doing nothing one way or the other. Angle and Sting get into another argument outside the ring and Booker and Steiner try to hold Angle back. Ray and Devon watch from inside the ring laughing at the Mafia while Steiner tries to talk some sense into Angle calling them a family. We finish off with the final hype package for Against All Odds and it’s interspersed with grainy shots of Samoa Joe’s return promo from last week. We close out and fade to black with a re-do of last week’s Samoa Joe spot, this time in menacing black and white and we’re out from Orlando!!