411’s WWE Elimination Chamber Report 2.20.11

We are LIVE in beautiful Oakland, California.

Alberto Del Rio makes his way to the ring and wants us all to know that he is committed to excellence… unlike the fine people of Oakland. Del Rio begins to put the bad mouth to Kofi Kingston, but Kingston makes his way to the ring to put a stop to that drivel.

Non-Title Match
Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion) vs. Alberto Del Rio
Kingston and Del Rio lock up to start, but Del Rio takes Kingston to the mat with a double leg takedown. Kingston regains control and goes for a single leg Boston crab, but Del Rio makes it to the ropes to break the hold. Del Rio slides to the outside to catch a breather, but Kingston follows and kicks him while he’s down. Kingston rolls Del Rio back into the ring and heads for the turnbuckle, but Del Rio catches him and shoves him shoulder-first into the ring post. Both men are on the outside, and Del Rio throws Kingston shoulder-first into the ring steps. Del Rio rolls Kingston back into the ring and locks in a body scissors. Kingston escapes, but Del Rio whips grabs a the hair and whips Kingston back down to the mat for a two count. The crowd is united in a thunderous “Del Rio! Del Rio! Del Rio!” chant right now. Del Rio finds a back suplex for a two count and then goes back to the body scissors. Kingston breaks the hold with a volley of elbows to the face and gets back to his feet. Del Rio whips Kingston to the corner, but Kingston runs up the ropes and hits a flying back elbow shot from the top rope. Both men are down, but they answer the ten count and slug it out in the middle of the ring. Kingston hits the Boom Drop and set up for the Trouble in Paradise, but Del Rio ducks. Kingston head up top and goes for a flying cross body, but Del Rio gets his knees up in mid-air to counter and gets a two count. Del Rio takes Kingston up to the top rope and goes for a suplerplex, but Kingston knocks Del Rio down to the mat and connects with a monster missile drop kick for the two count. Del Rio regains control and whips Kingston to the ropes, but Kingston counters into a DDT. Kingston follows up with the SOS but only gets a two count. Kingston charges Del Rio in the corner, but Del Rio slides out of the way. Kingston gets hung up on the top turnbuckle, but Del Rio sends him back down to the mat with an elevated neck breaker. Del Rio drags Kingston back to the middle of the ring, locks in the flying armbar, and gets the three count.
Match Result: Alberto Del Rio defeats Kofi Kingston with the flying armbar.
Match Length: 10:27

Todd Grisham is in the back with Edge. Alberto Del Rio will challenge for the World Heavyweight Championship, but will his opponent be Edge? Edge begins to give us his thoughts but gets interrupted by Drew McIntyre. McIntyre is glad that everything worked out for Edge, but what about the casualties? What about the innocent casualties like Kelly Kelly? Edge took something important from McIntyre, and tonight McIntyre is going to take something important from Edge – the World Heavyweight Championship. Edge tells McIntyre that the World Heavyweight Championship and Kelly Kelly have one thing in common – they’ll never be with Drew McIntyre. (The line really should have been “they’ll never be on you,” but I guess that isn’t PG.)

The Elimination Chamber has descended for the Smackdown Elimination Chamber Match. Kane is out first, Drew McIntyre is out second, and Wade Barrett is out third. All three are locked in their respective chambers, and Teddy Long makes his way to the stage. He fired Dolph Ziggler on Smackdown, so he’s here to introduce Ziggler’s replacement in tonight’s Elimination Chamber Match… The Big Show! I’m having flashbacks to December to Dismember. The horror… Anyway, Big Show makes his way to the chamber and is locked in the final chamber. Rey Mysterio is out fifth, and Edge is out sixth, so it will be Edge and Mysterio to start.

Smackdown Elimination Chamber Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Edge (Champion) vs. Rey Mysterio vs. The Big Show vs. Wade Barrett vs. Kane vs. Drew McIntyre
Edge and Mysterio lock up to start, and Mysterio whips Edge to the corner. Edge catches Mysterio with a flapjack for a one count. Edge traps Mysterio in the corner and stomps a mud hole in him before whipping him to the opposite corner. Edge charges towards Mysterio, but Mysterio catches him with a head scissors takedown. Edge catches Mysterio with a back body drop over the tope rope and onto the chamber floor. Edge heads up to the top turnbuckle, but Mysterio hits him with a top rope hurricanrana for a two count. Both men head outside the ropes, and Edge repeatedly shoves Mysterio into the chain wall. Edge stomps away on Mysterio and then slams him face-first into Kane’s chamber. Edge flips Mysterio back into the ring and gets a two count. Mysterio catches Edge with a drop toe hold onto the second turnbuckle, and it’s time for our third competitor… WADE BARRETT! Barrett storms the ring and stomps on Mysterio. Barrett traps Mysterio in the corner and stomps on his lower back. Mysterio charges Edge, but Edge launches him into a Thesz Press on Barrett. Edge slides Mysterio out onto the chamber floor, but Barrett levels Edge back in the ring. Barrett retrieves Mysterio, pounds away on him in the ring, beats on Edge on the outside, and then slides Edge back into the ring for a two count. Barrett grabs hold of Mysterio on the outside and goes for Wasteland, but Mysterio grabs the chain wall and begins to climb. Mysterio finally sends Barrett back into the ring with a hurricanrana and goes for the 619, but Edge levels Mysterio with a big boot for a two count. It’s time for our fourth competitor… KANE!

Kane enters the ring and drops all three men with a series of big uppercuts. Edge retaliates with a big boot to Kane, but Kane levels Barrett with a low drop kick for a two count. Kane traps Mysterio in the corner and pounds away on him. Kane levels Edge with a big boot and then hits Barrett with a sidewalk slam for a two count. All four men are down in the middle of the ring, but Kane is the first to get back to his feet. Kane beats on Edge in the corner before clotheslining him over the top rope. Kane and Barrett are on the outside, and Kane beats Barrett against the chain wall. Barrett fights back with a volley of body shots to Kane, but Kane slams Barrett’s head into the chain wall. Mysterio heads to the top rope, but Kane kills him dead with a big uppercut. Mysterio is tied up in the tree of woe, and Edge lands a low drop kick for a two count. All four men are back in the ring, but Kane clotheslines Barrett over the top rope. It’s time for our fifth competitor… DREW McINTYRE! McIntyre catches Mysterio on the outside and launches him lawn dart style into one of the chambers. Barrett and McIntyre team up on Kane on the outside, but McIntyre crotches Barrett with the middle rope as Barrett tries to climb back into the ring. McINTYRE HURLS BARRETT BACK-FIRST THROUGH A CHAMBER! McIntyre heads back in the ring and hits Edge with a snap suplex for a two count. McIntyre goes for the Future Shock DDT, but Edge counters into the Edgecution. All five men are back in the ring, but KANE SENDS MYSTERIO HEAD-FIRST INTO A CHAMBER! Mysterio just cracked the chamber with his cranium. It’s time for our sixth and final competitor… THE BIG SHOW!

Show storms the ring and levels everyone. Show sends Edge, Kane, and McIntyre to the outside before pursuing Barrett. Show wants to kill him some Barrett. GOOZLE! BIG SHOW GOOZLES BARRETT THROUGH A CHAMBER! Show traps Barrett against the chain wall and beats him senseless. Show sends Barrett back in the ring, drops him with a knockout punch, and gets the three count. The Big Show has eliminated Wade Barrett. McIntyre hits Show with the Future Shock DDT for a two count. Show gets back to his feet, but Mysterio catches him with a THESZ PRESS OFF THE TOP OF THE CHAMBER! Kane lands a big boot to Show, Mysterio hits Show with the 619, Edge hits Show with the Spear, and Kane drops Show with the Choke Slam for the three count. Kane has eliminated Big Show. McIntyre comes off the tope rope towards Kane, but Kane catches him with a Choke Slam for the three count. Kane has eliminated Drew McIntyre. Mysterio connects with a tornado DDT on Kane for a two count and the drops the dime for another two count. Mysterio lands the 619 on Kane and goes for a top rope Thesz Press, but Kane catches Mysterio. Kane is thinking powerbomb on Mysterio, but Edge catches Kane with a Spear for the three count. Edge has just eliminated Kane. Kane goes crazy and kills Edge and Mysterio with a volley of Choke Slams. Edge and Mysterio are the final two competitors, but neither man is in very good shape at the moment. Both men finally get back to their feet. Edge goes for the Spear, but Mysterio counters into a sunset flip for a two count. Mysterio gets a springboard cross body, but Edge rolls through for another two count. Edge drags Mysterio back to his feet, but Mysterio catches him with a boot the face. Mysterio lands a bulldog for a two count. Mysterio heads to the top turnbuckle, but Edge catches him with an uppercut. Edge goes up top, but Mysterio fights back with a volley of head-buts. Mysterio goes for a top rope Thesz Press, but Edge catches him and counters into a powerbomb. Edge again drags Mysterio back to his feet and goes for another powerbomb, but Mysterio counters into a hurricanrana. Mysterio goes for the 619, but Edge counters into the Edgecator. Mysterio refuses to submit and rolls up Edge for the two count. Edge sets up for the Spear, but Mysterio ducks. Edge catches Mysterio with a Spear on the rebound, but MYSTERIO KICKS OUT AT TWO! MYSTERIO KICKS OUT OF THE SPEAR! Mysterio once again goes for the 619, and this time he connects. Mysterio hits the top rope springboard splash but only gets a two count. Even Cole is marking out at this point. Mysterio land ANTOHER 619 and heads up to the top turnbuckle. Mysterio goes for a top rope Thesz Press, but EDGE CATCHES MYSTERIO WITH A MID-AIR SPEAR FOR THE THREE COUNT!
Match Result: Edge defeats Rey Mysterio with the Spear.
Match Length: 31:32

Alberto Del Rio storms into the ring after the match and levels Edge. Del Rio locks in the armbar and tries to break Edge’s arm… BUT CHRISTIAN MAKES THE SAVE! CHRISTIAN POUNDS ON DEL RIO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! CHRISTIAN IS POSSESSED! A gaggle of referees pull Christian away from Del Rio, but Christian gets free and drop Del Rio with and Kill Switch! Del Rio begins to get back to his feet, but Edge connects with one final Spear for good measure.

Matt Striker is in the locker room with Jerry “The King” Lawler. Lawler has been thinking about his mother all week, but tonight he has to focus on winning the WWE Championship. He’s had an okay career. He’s won some matches. But there are two things he’s never done – won the WWE Championship and had a match at WrestleMania. Tonight he has a chance to accomplish both of those goals. I really couldn’t do justice to this promo in a quick recap. It wasn’t long or complicated, but every single word that Lawler spoke was the absolute truth. In its own way, this promo was every bit as amazing as the Rock’s promo on Raw.

Booker T is in the ring, and he wants to take this time to introduce us to another of the trainers for the new season of Tough Enough… TRISH STRATUS. I’m only typing with one hand right now. Trish has been working on a new catch phrase. “FINALLY… The Trish has come back to OAKLAND… to deliver Stratusfaction to the MILLIONS (and MILLIONS!) of fans… SUCKA!” Booker T is a bit incredulous. “Tell me she did not just say that! Tell me she did not just say that!” But seriously, Trish is here tonight to see her friend Jerry “The King” Lawler win the WWE Championship.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (Champions) w/ Tamina vs. Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater w/ Ezekiel Jackson
Santino and Slater start the match, and Slater gains control with a head scissors on the mat. Slater drops a series of knees to the back of Santino’s head, and Cole is now talking shit about Sharmell. Someone really is going to kill Cole one day. Slater takes the tag to Gabriel, but Santino makes the tag to Kozlov. Gabriel cinches in a head lock, but Kozlov breaks free and levels Gabriel with a battering ram. Gabriel regains control with a kick to the head and make the tag to Kozlov. Slater lands a corkscrew slingshot splash to Kozlov for the two count. Slater locks in a head lock and drags Kozlov down to the mat. Kozlov tosses Slater to the other side of the ring and makes the tag to Santino. Santino drops Slater and hip tosses Gabriel onto Slater. Gabriel eats a Cobra and gets a two count on Slater. Slater stomps on Santino, whips him to the corner, and makes the tag to Gabriel. Gabriel goes for a slingshot splash, but Santino rolls out of the way and tags Kozlov. Kozlov slams Gabriel, but Slater gets the blind tag in the process. Slater drops Kozlov with a kick to the back of the knee, and Gabriel gets the tag. Gabriel hits Kozlov with the 450° Splash for the three count. That’s the 5π/2 Splash for those of you that prefer to work in radians.
Match Result: Justin Gabriel defeats Vladimir Kozlov with the 450° Splash.
Match Length: 5:05

Todd Grisham is in the back with the Miz. Given the fact that one championship has already changed hands tonight, is the Miz concerned about retaining his championship tonight? The Miz reminds us that this isn’t 1983 or 1999. It’s 2011, and it’s the Year of the Miz. As for the Raw Elimination Chamber Match, whoever wins that match will suffer the same fate as Jerry “The King” Lawler. Because he’s the Miz. And he’s awesome. Cole just made some sort of horrible orgasm sound. Seriously.

We’re back out at ringside, and Vickie Guerrero is making her way to the ring. She gives us the saddest series of “Excuse Me”s in history. Her heart just isn’t in it tonight. Two nights ago, her boyfriend, Dolph Ziggler, was fired. He may have committed the assault on Teddy Long, but Vickie wants to explain. She and Dolph were dealing with some serious issues at the time. Dolph has an uncontrollable temper. His state of mind was confused. All he was doing was showing Vickie how much he loved her, but all he really did was commit a crime of passion. Vickie is so, so worry. Please, please excuse her. Vickie is pleading with all of us watching tonight to convince Teddy Long to do the right thing and give Dolph a second chance. Vickie deserves some compassion. She deserves some love. So Facebook and Twitter and call Teddy Long. Convince him that Dolph needs to be rehired. She’s begging us. That brings Teddy Long himself out to the stage. He wants Vickie to stop. She’s just embarrassing herself. Vickie begs for Dolph’s career and kisses Teddy’s shapely buttocks. Lucky for Vickie, Teddy is in a hiring mood. Vickie assumes that Teddy is talking about Dolph, but Teddy DID NOT hire Dolph back. But he did hire someone back, and he gave this person free reign to thank Vickie for her time as general manager. KELLY KELLY IS HERE! Kelly and her fineness make their way to the ring, and Vickie runs like hell. Kelly catches Vickie in the middle of the ring and kicks her in the gut. Kelly repeatedly slams Vickie’s head into the mat, but LayCool are out to make the save. I’m only typing with one hand again. LayCool assault Kelly on the outside, but Trish Stratus is out to make the save. BTW, Michelle looks like she’s wearing some sort of walking cast / air boot on her right foot. Trish goes back and forth with LayCool in the ring and then connects with a Stratusphere to Layla and a double Stratusfaction to both members of LayCool. Kelly climbs back into the ring and celebrates with Trish.

WWE Championship Match
The Miz (Champion) w/ Alex Riley vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler
Miz and Lawler lock up to start, and Lawler gets a quick school boy roll-up for a two count. “Miz is AWESOME” chant from the crowd. Lawler gets a backside pin for a two count followed by a backside cradle for another two count. Miz drops Lawler with a shoulder block, but Lawler levels Miz with a clothesline for yet another two count. Lawler drops Miz with a shoulder block and then connects with a flying cross body pin for another two count. Lawler connects with a volley of mounted punches in the corner and then clotheslines Miz over the top rope and down to the arena floor. Lawler follows Miz to the outside, but Riley gets in his face. Miz catches Lawler form behind and pushes him head-first into the ring post. Miz rolls Lawler onto the ring apron and connects with a high knee. Miz rolls Lawler to the middle of the ring and gets a two count. Miz drapes Lawler over the second rope, and Riley clocks Lawler while Miz distracts the referee. Miz stomps on Lawler and drags him back to his feet, but Lawler regains control and traps Miz in the corner. Miz whips Lawler to the opposite corner and connects with a clothesline in the corner. Miz heads up to the top turnbuckle, but Lawler catches him. Lawler joins Miz up on the top turnbuckle and hits the superplex for a long two count. That was close to being a top rope brainbuster. Lawler and Miz slug it out in the middle of the ring, but Lawler connects with two consecutive drop kicks. Lawler gives Miz a big back body drop and gets a two count. Lawler goes for a scoop slam, but Miz slips out the back. Lawler hits the ropes, but Riley trips him from the outside. The referee saw Riley’s interference this time, and Riley has been ejected form ringside. Lawler catches Miz with another schoolboy pin for another two count. Lawler goes for the piledriver, but Miz escapes and counters with a big boot for a two count. Lawler rolls through into a crucifix pin and gets a LONG two count. I seriously though Lawler had the match one there. Lawler tosses Miz to the outside and follows him to the arena floor. Cole gets in Lawler’s face which gives Miz the chance to slam Lawler into the ring apron. Lawler regains control, repeatedly slams Miz’s face into the announce desk, and then launches Miz over the announce desk and right into Cole. Cole is dead. Lawler rolls Miz back into the ring and lands a top rope fist drop for two. Miz rakes the eyes and goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Lawler counters. Lawler hits a DDT, looks up at the WrestleMania XXVII sign, and heads up top. He lowers the strap, hits the fist drop, and gest a two count before Miz gets his foot on the rope. Lawler goes for a piledriver, Miz tries to counter, and Lawler goes over into a sunset flip. Miz lands a kick to Lawler’s head and finishes the match with the Skull Crushing Finale.
Match Result: The Miz defeats Jerry “The King” Lawler with the Skull Crushing Finale.
Match Length: 12:09

Michael Cole gets in the ring and celebrates with Miz after the match. Miz heads to the back, and Lawler gets some love from the crowd back in the ring. “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!”

Cena is eating a giant bowl of Fruity Pebbles in the locker room. It’s his favorite cereal. Todd Grisham would like to get his thoughts on what transpired on Raw, but Cena is focused on tonight. The winner of tonight’s Elimination Chamber Match goes to WrestleMania, which is why it’s good that he is Yabba Dabba Delicious.

Matt Striker is in the back with CM Punk. Punk knows that Cena has some sort of disadvantage when it comes to Punk. Punk is batting a thousand against Cena, and Cena has a big fat goose egg. And that means that Punk really can’t see Cena.

The Elimination Chamber has descended for the Raw Elimination Chamber Match. Randy Orton is out first, R-Truth is out second, CM Punk is out third, and John Cena is out fourth. All four men are locked in their respective chambers. Sheamus is out fifth, John Morrison is out sixth, and it will be Sheamus and Morrison to start the match.

Raw Elimination Chamber Match to determine the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship
John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. John Morrison vs. R-Truth vs. CM Punk vs. Sheamus
Sheamus drops Morrison with a shoulder block, but Morrison is right back to his feet. Sheamus lands an elbow shot to the head and takes Morrison down to the mat with a head lock. Morrison counters with a head scissors to escape and then finds the double leg takedown. Sheamus rolls to the outside, but Morrison connects with a corkscrew elbow shot over the top rope. Morrison springboards off the second rope, catches himself on the chain wall, and connects with the Flying Chuck on the outside. Morrison rolls Sheamus back into the ring for the two count. Sheamus slams Morrison’s head into the chain wall and then grinds his face against one of the chambers. It’s time for our third competitor… RANDY ORTON! Orton clotheslines Sheamus to the outside and then back body drops Morrison onto Sheamus. Orton follows both men to the outside and whips Morrison through the chamber. Orton slams Sheamus into the chain wall and then hits Sheamus with the elevated DDT onto the chamber floor. Orton stomps on both men in the ring and delivers a knee drop to Morrison for a two count. Orton continues to stomp on Sheamus and then sets Morrison on the top turnbuckle. Orton goes to the top and connects with a top rope superplex to Morrison for the two count. Orton sets Sheamus on the top turnbuckle, goes up to the top, and connects with a top rope superplex to Sheamus for another two count. It’s time for our fourth competitor… CM PUNK!

Orton is waiting outside Punk’s chamber, and Punk REALLY doesn’t want to exit the chamber. The referee begins to open Punk’s door, but the door gets stuck. Punk is caught half way in and half way out of the chamber, and Orton beats him senseless. Orton rolls Punk into the ring, hits the RKO, and gets the three count! Randy Orton has just eliminated CM Punk! Oh shit – Cole has just received an email from the anonymous Raw General Manager. Due to a malfunctioning pod, CM Punk was not given a fair chance to compete. Punk will be allowed to re-enter his pod and has been reinstated in this match. This is both BULL and SHIT. But it makes Punk very, very happy. Orton goes back to work on Sheamus, but Sheamus catches Orton with a back breaker. Sheamus tosses Morrison to the outside and goes for the High Cross, but Orton slips out the back. Sheamus missed the Brogue Kick, but Morrison levels Orton with the Flying Chuck. Sheamus takes Morrison to the outside and grinds his face into the chain wall. Sheamus slams Morrison into the chain wall, and it’s time for our fifth fourth competitor… JOHN CENA! Sheamus charges into Cena’s pod and beats him senseless. All four men are now in the ring, but Cena launches Morrison to the outside. Morrison slams Cena into the chains, and they slug it out on the outside. Sheamus levels both men with a double slingshot shoulder block to the outside. Orton catches Sheamus with a Thesz Press back in the ring and follows up with a knee drop for a two count. Sheamus whips Orton to the rope and drops him with a knee shot to the gut. “LET’S GO CENA! CENA SUCKS! LET’S GO CENA! CENA SUCKS!” Sheamus is pounding on all three of his competitors, and it’s time for our sixth fifth competitor… R-TRUTH!

Sheamus charges into R-Truth’s pod, but Truth reverses and pounds away on Sheamus. Truth damn near kills Sheamus with a hip toss on the chamber floor. Truth goes to work on Morrison, Orton, and Cena in the ring, but Sheamus kills him dead with the Brogue Kick for the three count. Sheamus has just eliminated R-Truth. Morrison and Orton are now beating on each other on the outside, and Orton sends Morrison flying through one of the pods. Cena and Orton slug it out in the middle of the ring, but Orton gains control and begins to stomp on Cena. It’s time for our seventh sixth competitor… CM PUNK! Orton heads out to meet Punk, but Cena ambushes him. Orton counters into an RKO to Cena on the outside. Punk rolls Orton back into the ring and mocks Orton’s set-up for the RKO. Punk connects with the Go To Sleep to Randy Orton and gets the three count! CM Punk has just eliminated Randy Orton! The crowd is completely behind Punk right now. Punk goes back to work with a knee shot to Cena and another to Sheamus, but Sheamus counters with a clothesline on the outside. Sheamus and Morrison meet in the middle of the ring, and Morrison pounds on Sheamus in the corner. Morrison heads up to the top of a pod, but Sheamus follows him. Sheamus and Morrison are both on the top of a pod. Sheamus is choking Morrison against the top of the pod and goes for the High Cross off the top turnbuckle, but Morrison counters. Morrison kicks Sheamus back down to the mat and then begins to CLIMB ACROSS THE TOP OF THE DOME! This guy would do quite well in a Steel Asylum Match. MORRISON DROPS OFF THE TOP OF THE DOME ONTO SHEAMUS AND GETS THE THREE COUNT! John Morrison has just eliminated Sheamus. Cena and Punk regain consciousness, and Cena drops Punk with a flying shoulder drop. You can’t see me! Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment to Punk on the outside, but Morrison flies out of nowhere and takes out both men. Punk goes for a pin in Cena on the outside but only gets a two count. Morrison goes for a knee shot to Cena, but Cena evades and Morrison destroys his knee on the pod. Punk locks in a triangle choke on Cena back in the ring, but Cena gets back to his feet with Punk on his shoulder. Morrison heads up top and lands a modified Doomsday Device for a two count on Punk. Morrison is selling the knee injury like champ right now. Cena catches Morrison with the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk catches Cena with a kick to the head. Punk hits a springboard clothesline to Cena on the outside and gest a two count. Punk looks to have cut his arm or hand wide open on the grating. Punk catapults Cena through one of the pods and tries to do the same to Morrison, but MORRISON CATCHES HIMSELF ON THE POD! Morrison jumps to the chain wall and levels Punk with the Flying Chuck. Morrison misses Starship Pain back in the ring, and Punk catches Morrison with the Go To Sleep for the three count. CM Punk has just eliminated John Morrison. Cena gives Punk an Attitude Adjustment over the top rope and onto the chamber floor for the three count.
Match Result: John Cena defeats CM Punk with the Attitude Adjustment.
Match Length: 33:12

Cena celebrates in the ring as the Miz watches from backstage.