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411’s WWE RAW Report 8.28.17

August 28, 2017 | Posted by Tony Acero
Alexa Bliss Raw

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It’s Monday! That means half the world hates the day, and the other half hates the people that hate the world. Then theres’ like, what, 20 of us? Well, we read the Raw Report at 411 and watch wrestling.

Speakin of which…

RAW starts with The Miz and his peeps in the middle of the ring. Cole and Corey inform us that Booker cant make it but King is here to help out.

Miz is just about to say something, but Angle cuts him off. He says Miz will face someone at No Mercy.

Miz cuts HIM off. He says that respect is defined in the dictionary as a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good and valuable, and he says this because Angle does NOT respect Miz.

Match 1: Over the Top Rope Battle Royal Intercontinental Championship Number One Contendership
14 People and Finn Balor

We start with Curt Hawkins bein Curt Hawkins, only to be tossed over by a majority of the people in the ring. Big Show has no hair on his face or head, and it looks creepy. Everyone turns towards Show and he calls for action. Everyone rushes them except for some faces. Show chops Kalisto’s soul out of his body. Bo and Axel toss Kalisto over the top rope. Big Show clotheslines the both of them. Show with a chop to Bo. He chops Anderson next, then Gallows. Then Apollo. Whip to Eli. Show calls for silence, then chops Eli down. Gallows Big Boots Show against the ropes, then he and Anderson try to get rid of him. Finn notices, and helps to eliminate Show!!! The Bullet Club stare each other down. TOO SWEET is held up, but Eli is there to kick Finn. Finn and Eli trade some blows. Axel and Bo eliminate Truth. Matt does the Delete head bashes in the corner while Axel and Dallas try and eliminate Balor. Eli tries to help but Finn escapes. Thank Jeebus. Anderson looks to suplex Matt out of the ring but Matt stops it. Jordan tries to get rid of Axel, but Bo stops him. Goldy powerslams Eli but Anderson hits him with a neckbreaker. Goldust tosses Anderson over the top rope, but Gallows Big Boots him and Anderson holds the ropes. Goldust is eliminated.

Back from the break and Apollo is next. Matt and Jeff attack Gallows while Bo and axel attack Finn. Anderson is next from The Hardyz, and he eats a couple elbows. Matt goes for Twist fo Fate, but Gallows escapes with an uppercut. He rushes the ropes, but Matt holds the ropes. Gallows is gone! Anderson tries to get rid of Matt. Matt drags him over the top rope and they fight on the apron! Matt kicks. Twist of Fate but no! Anderson pushes away. Matt just tosses him into the ringpost!!! Anderson is gone. Gallows is there to pull Matt off the ropes!

Miz is on the apron. He punches Finn! Axel pulls Bo back into the ring! Axel and Bo attack Jason Jordan. Eli has Jeff in the corner. Finn attacks Eli in the corner, tries to get rid of him, and eats a boot. Eli hops ot the top rope and Balor hits a huge kick to the head. Eli lands on the apron though. Finn tuirns to Bo, and hits a dropkick then a slingblade to Jason Jordan! Jeff Hardy is up out of the corner. Finn and Jeff go face to face. Jeff with a kick. Inverted Atomic Drop. Leg drop. Dropkick to the face! jeff calls for the end. Twist of Fate attempte, but Finn pushes him away then hits a slingblade. Dropkick to Bo in the corner. jeff is up in the opposite corner. DRopkick from Finn! Finn stands tall.

The lights go out. Fuck. It’s Bray.

He tosses Finn Balor out of the ring.

What a bunch of bullshit.

In the ring, Eli goes after Jeff. Jordan with a spear to Bo and Axel. Belly to Belly to Elias. Belly to Belly to Jeff. Axel and bo attack him. They lift up, looking to send him over the top rope. Jordan backflips, ducks a double clothesline. Jordan eliminates Bo and Axel! Eli tries to send Jordan out! Jordan turns. Jordan eliminates Eli.

Jeff rushes up and sends Jordan oer the top rope!!! Jeff wins!

Winner: Jeff Hardy
Well I’ll be damned…
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: *1/2

We are back, and Alexa does an interview. I miss it, but my friend now has a boner, so it must have been good.

Enzo makes his entrance and wants to remind us about Cass injuring his knee and says this is what happens when you pick on him. Clearly, Enzo has proven that he could compete with 7 foot giants, but he could also compete on 205 Live. He can do two things at once. He could killtwo birds with one rollin stone. He could watch Mayweather knock out McGregor, and he could win money. Enzo introduces his opponent while he dances.

Interesting to note that when he mentioned Mayweather and making money, they kinda boo him.

Also not sure I like Enzo doing his SAWFT schtick while Noam is doing his entrance. Kinda…off.

Match 2: Enzo Amore vs Noam Dar

Lockuip to start but Noam gets Enzo down, then wrestles him down. He makes Enzo look a fool a bit by totally outwrestling him. Lockup again, and Noam works the left arm. Enzo grabs the rope to break the hold. Lockup again, and a go behind from Noam. Enzo breaks it and works the arm but Noam overworks him. Enmzo backflips to escape an arm hold, but Noam hits a right hand directly to Enzo’s face. Enzo hits the ropes, does a short run, then Noam clips the leg and mocks Enzo.

Backstage, Neville is watching.

Noam works the arm some more, then pulls the head back. Naom covers for 1. Noam with a righ thand. He sends Enzo into the corner and hits a few left elbows. Enzo sends Noam in the corner and Enzo hits a few ights and lefts in the corner. He attacks the head. Ref holds him back. Enzo apologizes and Noam pulls Enzo hard into the turnbuckle. Kick to the chest from Noam. Another.

Enzo with that finisher that Gail Kim used to use. Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Enzo Amore
Noam Dar totally outwrestled Enzo. If anything, I hope he learns something from working with the Cruiserweights.
Match Quality: *1/2
Personal Enjoyment: *1/2
Total Rating: *1/2

Backstage, Charley wants Neville’s reaction to Enzo. Neville says that if that weasel is supposed to be competition, then Neville will be Cruiserweight Champion for ever, and ever, and ever. How ya doin.

Brock is up next.

Heyman and his Beast of a man is out here. Suplex City chant. Heyman wants to grant immunity for the misassesment of their character. They aren’t here to bash Braun, they are here to praise him. Heyman calls Braun the most worthy contender in all of the WWE. Summerslam was historic for Brock, but also for Braun. Braun powerslammed Brock through a table, then did it again – with no help! What does Corey Graves say? “Braun Strowman – Monster Handled Brock Lesnar.” Heyman applauds this, calls it an historic night. Braun asserted himself both Sunday and Monday, one week ago. He came down to the ring and got up in the face of The Conqueror. For the record, for the kids who wonder if monsters are real….Heyman doesn’t believe in monsters, but he believes Braun Strowman is one.

Heyman tells Braun to make no mistake, Brock wants him and will hunt him. Brock takes the mic and says, that what Heyman is trying to say is…”Suplex City, Bitch.”

Match 3: Seth Rollins w/ Dean Ambrose vs Cesaro w/ Sheamus

Lockup to start. Cesaro with a headlock but Seth hits the ropes. Cesaro with a shoulder tackle. Cesaro poses then expresses that he is the bar. Lockup and esaro gets another headlock. Cesaro hops over after a run, gets monkey flipped and heads straight to the outside of the ring. Cesaro gets back up on the apron, hangs up Serth, heads in, misses a right hand. Seth with a knee. Snapmare. Kick to the chest. Seth with a standing moonsault. Cover for 1…NO! Seth sends Cesaro in the corner and gets a few rights then some stomps. Cesaro lifts and drops Seth face first onto the turnbuckle. Cesaro with a kick. He sends Seth to the outside through the ropes. Cesaro is held back by the ref. Sheamus looks to attack, but Dean is there. Cesaro off the apron. Seth attacks the midsection and rolls Cesaro back in the ring. Seth and Dean back Sheamus up into his corner and Seth heads back into his ring. He mounts in the corner and gets 8 piunches, then a hard kick. Seth hits the ropes. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Cesaro!

We are back, and Seth hits a jawbreaker to Cesaro. Chop to Cesaro. Seth hits the ropes. Cesaro with a deadlift into a bench press. He drops Seth, hits the ropes. LEG DROP! Cover for 1..2..NO!! Gutwrench Suplex, and Cesaro doesn’t let go! Another Gutwrench. Cover for 1…2…NO!!! Cesaro Clothesline from Cesaro. Another. A third. Cover for 1….NO!! Cesaro grabs the head and sends Seth into the corner hard. Cesaro goes for an uppercut. Elbow by Rollins. Right hand to Cesaro. Another. Cesaro with a body slam. Cesaro heads to the top rope. He flies off with a crossbody, but Seth rolls through for a pin! Seth with an Enziguri! Cesaro drops to a knee. Rollins up. Cesaro up. Right hand from Seth. Chop. Another. Whip to Seth, Cesaro misses a clothesline. Slingblade. Seth rushes the corner and hits an elbow. He hits the corner again with another elbow! Seth goes for a third, but Cesaro sits him up on the top rope. Blockbuster from Seth! Rollins heads to the top rope. Frog splash attempt! But Cesaro hits an uppercut! He clubs Seth’s chest but Rollins slips through.

Bucklebomb! Rollins looks to attack, but Sheamus distracts. Dean attacks Sheamus! Uppercut by Cesaro! He stacks up Seth! Pin for 1..2…NO!!!!

Winner: Cesaro
Good ol Cesaro, lookin all good and shit.
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **1/2

Sheamus gets on the mic and says it’s not over quite yet. He and Dean are next.

Match 4: Sheamus vs Dean Ambrose

I came back to Sheamus geting a pin for 2 then locking in the cloverleaf. He locks it in. Dean tries to escape. Dean with a right hand to Sheamus. ANother. He goes for a chop. Sheamus misse a clothesline. Dean hits one of his own. Dean stands up. He hits the corner and goes for a splash, but Sheamus hits a boot. Neckbreaker from Dean. Cover for 1..2..NO! Sheamus hits the ropes. Dean follows. He gets sent through the ropes. Sheamus ties him up but Dean escapes and hangs him up. Dean goes to the top rope. Sheamus clips Dean down and heads to the top. Sheamus looks for White Noise from the top. No, he hits a rolling senton instead! Cover for 1..2….NO!! Sheamus calls for the end. He turns. Dean is up. BROG—NO!! Ambrose rolls trhrough. Kicks. Goes for dirty deeds. High knee. Dean off the ropes with a clothesline!

Cesaro hops on the apron. Seth pulls him down. Cesaro tries to rush him but Seth slide in the ring. The ref stops Cesaro from getting in. Seth springboards into Seth.

Seth takes out XCesaro. Dirty Deeds to Sheamus. Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Dean Ambrose
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: *1/2

Backstage, Hot Ass Evil Emma is bein all Hot Ass and Evil. Mickie James is here to tell Hot Ass Evil Emma that she doesn’t follow her on Twitter. She tells Hot Ass Evil Emma that she should be proud when she actually does something. Hot Ass Evil Emma says she started the Women’s Revolution. Mickie takes her phone and tells Hot Ass Evil Emma, Mickie will tweet any hashtag Hot Ass Evil Emma wants, but if Mickie wins, she can no longer say she started the Women’s Revolution again.

Match 5: Hot Ass Evil Emma vs Mickie James

Lockup to start, and Hot Ass Evil Emma gets the upperhand until Mickie grabs the foot to trip her up. Dropkick and a clothesline. Spinning kick to the gut. High kick to the face. Right hand to the face, and Mickie is on fiyah. She locks up from behind, and Hot Ass Evil Emma drops an elbow to the back of the head. Mickie with a neckbreaker. Cover for 1..2..NO!! Mickie with a knee to the face. She blocks a right. Right hand to Hot Ass Evil Emma. Again. Another. Mickie with a kick to the hand, then she goes for a roll up into a pin.

Hot Ass Evil Emma sits on Mickie’s face chest and gets a pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Hot Ass Evil Emma

Match Quality: 1/2*
Personal Enjoyment: 1/2*
Total Rating: 1/2*

Hot Ass Evil Emma grabs a mic and says that she started the Women’s Revolution over and over all the way up the ramp while commentary ridicules her for doing so.

Up Next is the contract signing for a match no one cares to see at a mid-level PPV with next to zero build, but hey, whatevs.

Angle is in the middle of the ring and introduces Cena first, who runs to Jerry Lawler and gives him a hug. Lawler calls him out saying he’s trying to get a cheap pop by hugging him. haha

Cena says he is here to go face to face with the man that says he runs the yard, The Big Dog, with THE GUY. And if you don’t believe him, just ask him, he’ll tell you. Reign has been the protected blue-chip prospect since he stepped in the ring. Then there’s Cena…and we’ve been through a whole hell of a lot together, and we know each other, and Cena has 0 F’s to give, and he’s the one dude that no one can protect Reigns from. Cena wants to fight Reigns because he knows Reigns doesn’t want to fight him.

Reigns is out to his music, and Cena straightens the contract out towards Reigns. Reigns looks at the contract then grabs the mic. He wants to get this right. It’s all business, he just wants to check some facts – he’s scared to fight Cena? Is that what he thinks? Reigns says Cena may not understand this, because no one has told him this, but Cena is not as big a deal as people say he is. Reigns doesn’t care what Cena has done or plan to do. He has done something Cena will never do – he retired The Undertaker at Wrestlemania. So maybe it’s not that he doesn’t want to fight Cena – maybe he just doesn’t need to.

Cena says no, he doesn’t. Cena gets on one knee and calls Reigns the high exalted. Everyone backstage knows it, but everyone out here is trying to figure it out. Cena brings up the boos and cheers, and every week, he can hear us wanting him to change. Maybe a little heel turn. But with Reigns, it’s different. Cena doesn’t know if anyone has ever told REigns this – but all he sees is a cheap ass, corporately created, John Cena bootleg.

Huge Yes Chant from the crowd. Cena says he aint THE GUY, he’s just A GUY trying so hard to fill shoes he never will. He is not The Undertaker; he is not a battered vet with a bad hip. He is the fastest, strongest, and hungriest that he has ever been, and the reason Reigns won’t sign it is because if he does, Roman’s empire will go up in smoke.

Reigns chuckles, says he did it again. Cena is the king of this; he can take anything and spin it. It blows Reigns mind that Cena stands here and runs his mouth, and says we boo him because we want him to be bad? No, we boo because Cena sucks first of all. Cena tries to make fun of it and Reigns says to shut up a while.

Second….Reigns pauses. Cena calls him out, says it’s called a promo and Reigns will have to learn how to do this.

Reigns says they boo him is because they see right through him. Cena is a yes man who can learn how to do anything or be anything, so if you wrap all that up, you’re just a fake bitch. Reigns goes all USO on us and calls Cena a part-timing Fake Ass Bitch. Reigns says he’ll be damned if he’s gonna bust his ass every single week so Cena can hang out on the Today Show, and maybe come to the WWE if they pay him enough. What’s REigns really gonna do? He’s gonna jump off the bus with a shuffle and bury as much young talent as he can. That’s what Cena does. That’s how Cena stays on top of the mountain. Cena will do anything; he’s just a backstabbing shark, but what irritates Cena is the fact that he can’t bury Reigns. This is fitting. Reigns is the one guy that Cena can’t see.

So tell Reigns this; why would he want to lessen himself and his legacy and bloodline to be the next John Cena when he can be the one and only Roman Reigns?

Of course, through a bulk of this, Cena is all chuckles and smiles.

Cena then asks if Reigns is done. idiot.

Cena says Reigns is a fool. Reigns is a damned fool. It’s better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you’re dumb than to open your mouth and prove them right. Of all people, Reigns comes down and uses the same excuse that every other person has? Reigns has the balls to blame Cena. That’s fine, congrats, it took 5 years to cut a half way decent promo, but now Cena is gonna cut him down.

Ok, so everyone back there thinks Cena has powers that can control everything and everyone down. Is Reigns blind or stupid. We hold the keys, we always have, we always will. But….Reigns blames Cena? Cena has heard this for 10 years. He’s been called a lot worse by a lot tougher. But he actually believes Cena holds everyone down and keeps everyone under water? Cena hasn’t main evented Mania in 5 years, he was the opening match at Summerslam, he EARNED the US Title at this stage in his career and use it as a beacon of opportunity to introduce new stars to the WWE like Owens and AJ. Reigns….took the US Title as a demotion, and stand there and blame Cena. Fine, he blames Reigns. Cena is still here because Reigns can’t do his job.

When it comes to this yard, there’s only one rule; step up or step aside, and over the years, there have been a few to step up, but none to ever keep up. He finally hears about THE GUY, the one that can keep up. Now he looks at Reigns, listens to him, and Reigns should be ashamed that Cena is a part timer, because he can do this part-time better than Reigns can ever do it full time.

Reigns signs the contract. He then tosses the table aside.

Gallows and Anderson – of all people – come out to say that there isn’t enough room for their egos in this arena. Anderson says Cena is not a good brother .Reigns is not a good brother. These two need to be taught a lesson by a couple of good brothers.

What a way to deflate this segment.

Match 6: Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows vs John Cena and Roman Reigns

Cena and Gallows to start. Whip to the corner. Gallows sends Cena into the corner. Gallows misses a clothesline. Cena with a shoulder tackle. Another. Protobomb. Five Knockle Shuffle. But Anderson is in. He gets himself a Protobomb. Boot by Gallows! Right hand from Gallows. Stomps to Cena. Gallows with a suplex. Leg Drop. Pin for 1..2..NO! Cravat from behind. Gallows is up. Clothesline sends Cena down hard. Tag to Anderson, who comes in with some knees to the face. Cravat from behind. Cena escapes with a firemans. Anderson elbows off of it, then hits a spinebuster and a cover for 1..2…NO! Gallows with an elbow drop. Another. A third is missed. reigns wants a tag. Cena reaches it. Gallows gets one too. Reigns to a clothesline to Anderson. Again. Whip is reversed so Reigns hits a clothesline. Gallows in. Reigns with another clothesline. Reigns with one in the corner. Add like 9 more. Driveby to Gallows. Reigns back in the ring. Big Boot. reigns cocks it. Gallows holds the boot. Reigns turns. Anderson rolls him up. 1..2…NO!!

Reigns with a Superman Punch!! Gallows in. Superman Punch! AA to Gallows just as Reigns spears Anderson is a cheesy ass moment. Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winners: Roman Reigns and John Cena
They really needed to let that moment sit.
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *1/2

Cena applauds Roman Reigns while Reigns stands there lookin at him like, “Dude, wtf?”

Backstage, Elias is playin his gee-tar.

He appears in the ring after a commercial and brings up Dusty calling him Elvis in NXT. The crowd doesn’t care, and neither do I. Eli changes up the lyrics to “Hound Dog,” until Jerry Lawler interrupts to bring out Pelvis Wesley…

Out comes Heath Slater in full Elvis garb. He heads to the ring to dance around a bit with Eli, then dances ala Elvis. Eli tries to do the jig ihmself, but doesn’t do all that well. Pelvis tries to show him again, so Eli kicks him in the gut then hits a harc clothesline. Elias stomps Slater a bit while his scarf no sells his heelish ways. Drift Away to Pelvis.

Backstage, Sasha Banks is with Charley who brings up Alexa saying she’s going to humiliate Sasha. Sasha says running your mouth doesn’t make you a champion. This isn’t Game of Thrones, this is Monday Night RAW, tonight she’s going to put that child in her place, and then the entire WWE Universe will chant You Tapped Out.

Match 7: RAW Women’s Championship Match
Sasha Banks vs Alexa Bliss

They circle the ring. Alexa goes behind and smashes Sasha up in a pin for 1. Bliss slams Sasha dowmn hard then rolls up for 1..2..NO! Another quick pin but Sasha tiurns it into the Bank Statement. Bliss escapes. Sasha sends Alexa into the corner hard then stomps a bit. Sasha slams Alexa’s arm atop her shoulder. Sasha pulls Alexa away from the ropes, works the arm again, and tosses Alexa down to the mat. She knees the arm of Alexa, and Sasha is really working th left arm. She pulls from behind and Alexa ecapes. Kick off the ropes. Dropkick from Sasha. Alexa escapes the ring. Alexa back in and Sasha hits the back of the neck. Alexa tries for an elbow but Sasha whips. She looks to hit a right, but Alexa escapes the ring. Sasha gets on the apron. Knees from the apron onto Alexa!

We are back to the match, and Alexa has the uperhand. It appears she shoves Sasha into the barricade to get said hand that is upper. Sasha turns into the hold and hits some rights to the gut then the face. Sasha hits the ropes, misses a clothesline, and Alexa grabs the hair and slams Sasha down on her knee! Damn. Pin for 1..2..NO! Alexa steps on the back of Sasha then shoves her head into the mat repeatedly, using the ropes. Ref stops her at 4 then Alexa does it again. Another stop at 4 then a pin for 1..2…NO! Alexa chokes Sasha up on the ropes with the knee as the ref counts her down. Alexa releases, gets kicked, then kicks Sasha back a few times. Alexa pulls the leg, drags Sasha in, then covers for 1..2..NO! Alexa grabs the leg then arm. We get a modified Bow and Arrow Submission to Sasha. Sasha is able to turn into the hold and kick Alexa right into the face!!! Alexa sends Sasha into the corner. Kicks to the gut. Sasha goes for a kick, Alexa grabs the leg, spins it, Sasha turns, back elbow to ALexa. Head scissors, and she sends Alexa into the corner! Sasha with the clorhesline, again, knees in the corner. She goes for some more, but Alexa moves and Sasha dives into the lowest buckle knees first. Alexa enters the ring and heads up the corner. Sasha is up though! Forearm to the face! Alexa hits a right. She dives. Crossbody, but Sasha moves! Alexa crashes and burns.! Sasha with a rollup for 1..2..NO!!! Sunset Flip but Alexa sits down for a pin. 1..2..NO!!! Alexa grabs Sasha, Sasha drops, locks the legs, rollup for 1..2…NO!!! ALexa is u. Sasha up. Righ hand!!! ALexa with a flipping sitout powerbomb. 1..2…..NO!!!! Alexa with the double knees. Moonsault. Shining Wizard from Sasha, though1 Pin for 1..2….NO!!! Sasha is up first. She grabs the head, ducks from a punch, sends Alexa into the corner, and hits a whole bunch of right hands. Alexa with a back elbow. Sasha with a hard kick ot the side. Alexa is seated. Saasha with the double knees! Sasha on the top rope. Alexa there to stop her. Alexa up top. Sasha drops an elbow on her. Alexa goes back up. She grabs the head, then stands on the top rope. She locks up for a SUplerplex. She hits it! Superplex to Sasha!!! Alexa crawls across the ring to cover, but Sasha turns it into The Bank Statement!!!! Alexa reaches for the ropes. Sasha tries to kick away, Alexa turns this into a pin. 1..2…Sasha breaks the hold.

They’re against the ropes. Sasha is rebounded against the ropes. Alexa with her strong DDT. Pin for 1..2…3!!!!

Winner and NEW Champion: Alexa Bliss

Match Quality:
Personal Enjoyment:
Total Rating:

Nia Jax is out immediately to hold Alexa’s hand up in the air. Nia sees Sasha in the corner. SPLASH FROM NIA!!! She tells Alexa to stand atop the corner. Nia holds Alexa on her shoulder to celebrate. Nia with an electric chair drop! Nia holds the title in her hands, then in the air.

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