411’s WWE Smackdown Report 11.14.02

WWE Smackdown for November 14, 2002, from Columbus, Ohio
Report by Brendan Johnston exclusively for www.411wrestling.com

So me and Tom have spent the last four hours of so rotting our brains in front of Smackdown: Shut Your Mouth for Playstation 2. If you’re a fan of the previous games, it’s definitely worth at least a rent. Also, you don’t have to waste CAW spots on Lesnar, Hogan, Storm and Michaels anymore. So there you go.

This week’s Newsweek has George Bush on the cover and the words “Top Gun” over the picture. When reached for comment, Tom Cruise gave a hearty laugh, then told Val Kilmer he could be his wing-man any time. Kilmer then hit the emergency Scientology button, lighting the “Hubbard-Signal”, and a pair of lab technicians appeared, cattle-prodded Cruise and hit the Minority Report star with twenty CCs of Gay-B-Gone.

As Tom (Cocozza) points out, Val Kilmer was actually the one who won Top Gun in the movie. But guess who else remembers that? Poor Val Kilmer.

So, Raw… please see my Super Tuesday report for my comments on Lance Storm’s package-accentuating trunks.

Umm… I don’t remember much else of Raw… I’m tired… I’m just gonna do the report and get back to Shut Your Mouth. What of it?

And now, on with the report…

A video package about how evil the Big Show is is shown, with the Hardy match from last week, and Show press-slamming Brcok off the stage. Backstage, Mark Lloyd asks Heyman about Brock’s physical condition. Heyman says the WWE Champion has a broken rib and has been coughing up blood all week. But he’ll still defend the title against Show on Sunday. What he will not do, says Heyman, is be at Smackdown tonight by doctor’s and Heyman’s orders. The Big Show suddenly (well, as suddenly as anyone called “the Big Show” can do anything) appears behind Heyman to say that if Brock does show up, he’ll be calling Brock out.

The montage rolls, the pyro hits and Cole and Tazz welcome us to Smackdown from.Columbus, Ohio. We are 72 hours away, three days, from Survivor Series. Tonight Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit will face off.

WWE Tag Team Champion Edge vs. Chavo Guerrero: Lockup, Chavito goes behind, Edge reverses to a side headlock and shoulder block. Chavo kips up into an armbar by Edge. Chavo reverses to a side headlock to a hammerlock by Edge. Elbow, arm drag and drop toehold by Edge. Edge armbar to Chavo hammerlock and dropkick. Chavo clotheslines Edge out. Chavo suplexes Edge in but Edge floats out and flapjacks him. Rey Mysterio watches backstage. Chavo counters a whip by grabbing the ropes, but can’t toss Edge. He crotches him on the middle rope and I just notice that Chavo’s not as clean shaven as usual. Chavo stomps away. Short arm clothesline gets two. Snapmare to keylock by Chavo. Edge fights up but gets whipped to the corner. Boot up and Chavo blocks Edge-O-Matic with a backdrop. Chavo goes up top but Edge counters the cross-body with a dropkick. Edge ducks a clotehsline and hits a back body drop, clothesline and Canadian forearm. Edge-O-Matic hits on try two and Cole calls it as such, which never happens. Edge chops in the corner like a good Canadian and stomps like a good upper midcarder. He signals for the spear, but Chavo moves and Edge spears post. Chavo hits a spear of his own to a big pop and gets two. Edge rolls throgh a sunset flip from the second rope and catapults Chavo, who counters with a tornado DDT blocked by Edge into the Edge-O-Cution for the win.

Winner: Edge by pinfall (6:05)

Backstage, Mark Lloyd asks Rey Mysterio if he’ll be as successful against Eddie Guerrero. Rey talks up Edge a bit then stops to go greet Brock Lesnar, who’s arriving just now.

Well, Rey Mysterio checked on him, so now you know Brock’s a face.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Al Wilson reads bridal magazines backstage and Dawn Marie shows up. Al calls off the engagement because she’s not that hot. (Okay, not really… but she’s not.) Dawn talks about how great Al is and gives him Torrie’s wedding invitation. Al is reluctant but Dawn thinks that Torrie should come to mend the fences between the three of them.

Billy Kidman/Al Wilson match! Come on! Who’s with me?!

Bacsktage, Paul Heyman chews out Brcok for showing up. Brock says he came because he’s the champion, damn it. Heyman says they’re a team whether people like it or not. When he went out on his own, Brock beat Eddie, but then got tossed off the stage because Heyman wasn’t watching his back. Heyman says that Brock doesn’t listen anymore and Brock counters with Paul doesn’t really care. Heyman begs him to put pride aside and leave Show alone tonight and wait for Survior Series. Heyman says he has only one idea to get them out, and Brock starts to listen.

Okay… is anyone else a little freaked out by the kinder, gentler Paul Heyman? I mean, I think it’s cool that he cares about Brock and all and is worried about him getting hurt against the Big Show… but it’s just odd.

Commercial break

And we’re back. Off the Chyna Anthology ad (the same Anthology Tom and I couldn’t find ANYWHERE!), Tazz is doing the Brother Love “I LOOOOOOVE YEEEEWWWWWWW.” Ha ha.

Matt Hardy “Version One” and John Cena vs. Rikishi & Tajiri: Well, three of them are worth a damn anyway.

Matt and Tajiri to start. Lockup, they trade armdrags and Matt shoves Tajiri down but gets rana’d off a kip-up. Thumb to the eyes by Matt and tag to Cena. Back elbow by Cena gets two.Tag to Hardy and the heels stomp a mudhole. Quick tag to Cena in a nice heel tactic, double suplex gets two. Snapmare by Cena then one by Tajiri, tag to Rikishi. Clotheslines to both heels, Samoan drop to Cena, he Backs That Ass Up on Matt and hits the Samoan chokeslam on Cena.Double Back That Ass Up on the heels in the corner. Matt rolls out and Tajiri kicks Cena into Stinkface postion, but Matt breaks it up with the Side Effect. Tag to Hardy and he tries to suplex Rikishi but it gets countered. Cena looks to cheapshot Tajiri but no go. Rikishi tags, heel kick to Hardy. They both go for swinging DDTs off a whip and there’s a double KO. Hardy lands with his hand on Tajiri’s shoulder and the ref counts three right as Hardy gets his own shoulder up.

Winners: Matt Hardy & John Cena by pinfall (3:21)

Certain people will hate it, but I LOVED that finish.

Angle and Benoit argue over the match last week, Benoit pointing out that Angle got pinned twice in one fall. Angle…

I’m sorry, I can’t recap this segment, it’s too f***in’ funny. Benoit and Angle get into a game of one-up-manship which ends with Angle pointing at Benoit’s shirt and flicking his nose when he looks down. Hilarious. Tom and I were dying watching this.

Commercial break

And we’re back. Scott Steiner spot is aired. Holler if you hear him.

Heyman goes to the Big Show’s locker room to talk about how young Brock is and how he makes mistakes. Heyman knows what kind of competitor Show is, and Brock doesn’t. Heyman says Show beat the Rock, the Undertaker, Hogan in his prime. But Brock is not one hundred percent and Heyman asks Show to leave Brock alone tonight. Show gets up and says that the best thing Brock has going for him is Heyman, and he’ll consider Paul’s request.

Eddie and Chavito run into Edge and Rey Mysterio. Eddie continues his blind squirrel and nut metaphor from last week, but says that at Survivor Series. With Angle and Benoit arguin, nothing’s gonna stand in the way of Los Guerreros. Rey goes back at them in Spanish, then Eddie and Chavo pretend to be all intimidated, then Edge hits them with some of the Spanish and they walk off, laughing.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio: They circle and lockup.Rey armdrag and another lockup. Snapmare by Eddie to a sleeper to a headlock. Rey fights out but gets shoulderblocked and hits a back body drop, dropkick and arm drag to armbar. Eddie fights out and hits a whirl backbreaker for two. Armbar by Guerrero. The feed craps out for the second time tonight but we don’t lose anything of note. Eddie works the shoulder.Eddie pounds away but gets kicked in the gut. Springboard arm drag to headscissors by Rey and a monkey flip set up the 619, but Eddie pulls the ref in the way and Rey hits the 619 on Brian Hebner’s gut. Chavo runs in, hits a Gory special on Rey but gets chased off by Edge. Eddie hits a powerbomb for two but gets speared. Edge and Chavo go at it outside. The ref tries to chase them off and more refs come out as we go to commercial.

Commercial break

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio (continued): Srpingboard moonsault by Rey as we return. Whirl backbreaker by Mysterio and Bronco Buster. Rey goes up but Eddie shoves him over and out and follows with a sweet plancha. Backdrop and Eddie’s feeling froggy but Mysterio counters with a superplex from the top that gets two. Powerbomb countered by an arm drag and Irish whip but Eddie hits a clothesline for two. Eddie goes to an armbar. Rey fights out but gets put up top for a backsuperplex. Rey fights out and hits a moonsault press for two. Srpingboard armdrag and tope senton to the outside by Rey. Springboard body splash hits knee and Eddie gets a small package for two. Suplex and Eddie feels froggy yet again. The splash misses and Eddie gets heel kicke to the second rope. 619 hitsbut Eddie rolls through the springboard sunset flip and locks in the Lasso from El Paso for two.

Winner: Eddie Guerrero by submission (15:39)

Backstage, Torrie doesn’t want to talk to Al because she doesn’t trust Dawn Marie. She calls Dawn a conniving, manipulative bitch. Torrie says she won’t go to the wedding. Torrie tells him that Dawn is making him look ridiculous and that there’s no fool like an old fool.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

WWE Cruiserweight Champion Jamie Noble (w/Nidia) vs. Billy Kidman: They have a title match on Sunday.

They jaw at each otherthen Kidman attaacksbut gets tossed. Nidia trips him up outside and Noble follows with a dropkcik trhought the ropes. Back in, gets two.Noble pounds away. Wrsitlock and Noble works the arm. Keylock by Noble. Kidman fights out with a flapjack. Back body drop and dropkick by Kidman get two. Noble hits the Trailer Bomb off a whip reversed to a cover by Kidman. Noble goes up top and Kimdan dropkciks him. Noble goes for asunset flip powerbomb but Kidman fights back and hits the Rydien Bomb. Nidian blokcs the Shooting Star Press and Noble hits a superplex. Kidman rolls through for the win.

Winner: Billy Kidman by pinfall (3:18)

Backstage, Dawn asks Al what’s wrong. Al says Dawn won’t come to the wedding. Dawn and Al get all mushy and I realzie tat Dawn, while not that hot, was clearly hired for her STELLAR acting ability… anyway…

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Brock paces in his locker room. Heyman says everything’s taken care of. Heyman doesn’t want to brag, but he thinks that the Show was scared of him, and wants he and Brock to leave. Brock doesn’t want to leave, because if the Big Show doesn’t want to call him out, he’s going to go to the ring to call Show out himself.

Okay, see… Brock’s just being an idiot at this point. Seriously.

Angle comes down and gets on the mic to apologize to his fans for being predictable. For the past couple of months, he’s beaten Chris Benoit, Edge, Rey Mysterio and Los Guerreros so many times that it’s all one big blur. But he supposes that’s what happens when you’re better than everyone. Not only is he better in the ring, he’s a better athlete than Benoit, better looking than Edge, can sepak english unlike the Guerreros and unlike Rey, has been through puberty. Angle says that come Sunday, if Benoit doesn’t screw up.

Los Guerreros interrupt show up to interrupt, then Edge and Rey Mysterio show up and there’s banter all about. Angle says they must all be out there to scout him for Sunday. He invites them to do so, tehn calls Benoit’s gap-toothed butt out there so he can prove who the best wrestler in the business is.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit: Los Guerreros and Edge & Mysterio are at ringside.

Lockup, matwork to start. Headlock by Benoit and shoulderblock. Ang;e ducks a clotehsline and hits a German suplex, then jaws with Los Guerreros. Benoit chops away. Angle reverses a whip and hits a belly-to-belly suplex, then goes back to provoking Edie and Chavo. Benoit slugs Angle down and drops an elbow. Shoulderblock gets two. Backbreaker gets two. Chest first whip to the croner. Angle slugs back but gets corner whipped and clotheslined again. Benoit gets in Edge’s face and uses Angle to knock the faces over. Edge tries to get in the ring but the ref sends him away. Benoit ducks a clotehsline. One! Two! Third German suplex countered by Angle to three of his own. Benoit floats out of the Angle Slam and goe sot the Crossface, reversed to the ankle lock. Angle rolls trhought with it twice but Benoit finally kicks out. Angle Slam and he jaws with the Guerreros again, then locks in the Lasso from El Paso, telling Eddie “This move sucks.” Eddie charges but gets dumped. The Guerreos go at it with Edge and Rey. Benoit hits release German suplex on Angle and the ring is flooded to draw the no decision.

No decision at 6:42

Rey and Edge grab doble ankle locks on Angle and Edge puts Benoitin the shittiest Crossface ever. The Guerreros beat on the babyface team but Eddei gets an ankle lock.Benoit counters the Edge-O-Cution to the Crossface. Angle and Benoit go toe-to-toe and then Angle offers a handshake. Benoit takes it then Angle askfor a hug. Benoit looks at him like he’s lost it, then Angle just hugs him. Benoit looks disgusted.

Backstage, Brock walks despite Heyman’s advice to the contrary.

Commercial break

And we’re back. Cole and Tazz talk about Steiner and Saliva and run down the card for Sunday.

WWE Champion Brock Lesnar comes to the ring, followed by a severely agitated Paul Heyman. Brock on th emic, with his ribs taped. Brock calls Show out and says he beat him ot the punch. Heyman argues and tries to grab the mic but Brock tells him to shut up. Brock says if Show doesn’t come out, he’ll go to th eback and drag him out, hen Show’s music hits. They brawl outside and Brock puts Show into the steps, then wallops him with a chair not once, not twice, but thrice. Show blades like a bad mamma jamma and takes a belt shot. Heyman looks mortified. Brock jaws at him and I notice that Show has a nasty looking cut on hi arm.

Thanks for reading. See you next week. Enjoy Survivor Series.

And now, more Shut Your Mouth.