VIOLENT PANDA Weekly Review 08.22.06

VIOLENT PANDA Weekly Review

I reviewed Summerslam here. Check it out, for the sake of continuity, my friend.

WWE Raw

We are LAHV in Bridgeport, Connecticut!

Edge comes out to start things off. He is belt-less and Lita-less! He gloats in the ring, pointing out that everyone was wrong – he retained. He even rubs it in the face of a little kid at ringside wearing a Cena headband, heh heh. Edge does a quick Christian-tribute tantrum, in celebratory fashion.

There was lots of interaction with little kids last night, too. Rey gave stuff to a kid, and Hogan kissed a little girl at ringside after his match.

Lita joins us on the titantron. She’s at the harbor. She has ye spinner belt, and proceeds to heave it into the water. In the arena, smoke comes down from the rafters.. kind of like the fire at the TNA PPV, eh? RIBTASTIC! In the smoke is Edge’s new belt. Finally! No more of that dumb spinner sh- oh, it’s still a spinner. It just has “rated R” on it. That’s kind of lame.

Then.. here comes JEFF HARDY~! “Hardy” chant. Edge: “Didn’t you die like three years ago?” heh heh. Hardy gets no microphone. He communicates through finger pointing. Edge says he buried Matt Hardy’s career… and Jeff attacks. Down goes Edge! Swanton? No, Edge runs away. Crowd pops decent for Hardy, but it doesn’t sound huge, unfortunately. Strange, because there’s an assload of Hardy signs out there.

Kane vs. Nitro takes place tonight! They might as well just make an “Umaga run-in” graphic in there. And the new WWE film trailer debuts. John Cena’s “The Marine”, that is.

Spirit Squad vs. Eugene, Hacksaw, & The Highlanders:

– Sign: “Umaga farted on me”. Eugene hits an airplane spin. “USA” chant.. heh. Squad double teams on Robby, Robby is isolated. Crowd chants “We want Hacksaw”. Kenny misses his legdrop, man he flew clear across the ring! Rory gets the hot tag as pandemonium runs rampageous. Highlanders hit a sweet double suplex where they bounce the Squad guy off the ropes for momentum. Crowd LOVED that and that was the finish. Faces win

A HOT house show match. Crowd ate this up.

Winners: Eugene, Hacksaw, & The Highlanders

Edge is in the back, looking for Vince. He finds Coach, who proceeds to plug Bowflex and the new McMahon DVD (which apparently has Stephanie claiming Vince wanted to do an incest angle with her.. puke). Edge wants Jeff Hardy in a match tonight… NON TITLE! He adds, panicky, heh heh. Coach grants it. Edge leaves. In step the McMahons…

Vince is really angry about losing to DX. Shane tries to smooth things out by pointing out that Vince was not the legal man when he got pinned, heh heh. This does not cheer poppa up. Vince says he feels “gnarly”. And.. d’oh.. says “it’s not over”.

GRISH is with Randy Orton. Randy says he should have won last night. Then.. here’s a little poke for ya, Hulk… Randy points out that Ric Flair’s a bigger legend than Hogan anyway, and tonight Randy will beat Ric. Carlito is watching just off-camera. He says Hogan winning was cool. Randy tears into him, saying Carlito is nothing more than “an apple, a hairdo and a catchphrase”. Ouch!

HHH is reading Air Forces Magazine in an office-type location. Man, look at Tripseses’ forehead. He’s got three DEEP lines up there. HBK is here and rolls around on the desk. It takes a long time, but basically, DX decided to check out Vince’s WWE plane. And DEFILED IT WITH THE DX LOGO NOOOOOOOO!

Vince is watching this on a monitor (why doesn’t any other WWE wrestler watch on a monitor?). He makes like he’s going to turn into the Incredible Hulk. I’m talking purple pants “hulk smash” hulk, not “I am super-smart and a superdude” Peter David hulk.

Trish Stratus vs. Victoria:

– JR says this might be a #1 contender’s match. Might? So where the heck is Mickie James, anyway? Trish with the apron Thesz Press!

– Trish with the victory roll, sweet! Gets two. Goes for the Stratusfaction, but Victoria turns it into a backbreaker mid-move. Awesome idea, but came off real slow.

– What’s this in the crowd? A fan sign requesting a match: “Double titles: Cena & Mickie James vs. Edge & Lita”. HIRE THIS MAN!

– Trish with a beautiful satellite headscissors. Then a SNAPPING top rope rana! Vic doesn’t sell it at all..? Goes for the Widow’s Peak. Trish escapes, hits the Stratusfaction. Crowd counts the pin: “1, 2, 3!” Trish wins.

This was almost all Trish on offense. They went full bore, and I think they didn’t get the crowd as involved as they could have. Good stuff, though.

Winner: Trish Stratus

Vince’s music hits immediately, and the ladies vanish. Vince and Shane hit the ring. Vince has a mic. “You suck” chant. Vince says he’s called the cops on DX for vandalizing his $30 million dollar plane. DX? Arrested? Very fresh! We go to commercial.

We’re back. DX is on the roof of WWE HQ in Connecticut. They have de-fouled the building with a big “DX” logo on a clear plastic sheet hanging down the front of the building. Who’d they hire to do that? Now, seriously. This was on WWE.com like two weeks ago. Why are they acting like this is brand new when they’ve already featured it on the site?

Whatever the case. The crowd is SILENT. HHH moons us from the roof of the building. HBK thinks God does not want him showing his ass to his fellow man, so instead he throws up New Jack’s sign. YOU ARE GOING TO GET A FORK IN THE EYE! Vince, in the ring, is shattered. Fans sign “hey hey hey.. goodbye” as Vince hams it up.

Man, this show’s in the toilet.

This week in wrestling history: The first episode of Smackdown took place. HHH retained against The Rock. Wow, I saw that show and don’t remember much from it. Looks awesome.

Vince is backstage walking. Foley is nearby. He says “Hey Vince”. Vince is so freaking gnarly that he unleashes his venom on Mick. We get a shot of Mick’s cut-up arm, gross! Vince decides that Mick will join the Kiss My Ass Club. Argh…

Jeff Hardy vs. Edge:

– No day glo for Mr. Hardy! Awww… There’s a ton of signs for Jeff in the crowd. Lita’s back from the harbor and accompanies Edge to the ring. Jeff immediately hits a slingshot body press to the floor. Medium-sized “Hardy” chant.

– Edge takes over, and poses in the ring to HUGE boos. He is starting to click..! We see replays like crazy, here. Every spot gets two replays, then while watching said replays we miss the next spot so we get more replays.

– Edge stretches Jeff out on the ringpost.. cool. Edge gets in the ring and hilariously mocks Jeff’s trademark “guns to the mouth” pose hahaha. “Let’s go Hardy” chant. Hardy hits a DDT. Goes for the Twist of Fate, but Edge counters into a DDT of his own.

– Lita’s boob interior is just off the charts tonight. The creases, oh the creases! Another “Let’s go Hardy” chant. Hardy hits the run-up corkscrew. Gets two! Replays, that is! JR: “I don’t think Jeff’s gonna live to be an old man”. Well hey, if he dies then we’ve got a good year of angles now, don’t we?

– Twist of Fate is twisted! Swanton is hit! Edge has a droplet of blood on his cheek. Hardy covers: 1! 2! 3! Lita was holding Edge’s leg, ref is confused. Botchy finish, eh? Doesn’t matter, Cena is here!

Hardy is a much better opponent for Edge, because Jeff can bring the exciting spots and Edge can structure a match around it. I am glad Jeff’s back. He’s fun to watch.

Winner: Raw finish©?

Cena runs out and beats on Edge through the back and out the exit of the arena. We’re going late 90’s on this mofo, aren’t we?

Back from commercial, JR and King recap everything we just saw ten minutes ago. At least they didn’t recap the replays.

Cena and Edge brawl on the harbor. Cena pummels Edge and I think he says: “fuckin’ son of a bitch”. Did I hear that right? He tosses Edge off the pier into the water. Edge went head over heels, awesome. We get multiple replays of that, too.

Foley’s in the back with Melina. She thanks him for saving her from Ric Flair last night. Foley’s not keen on joining the KMA club. Will Melina take the bullet for Mick to repay him?

IC Title Match – Kane vs. Johnny Nitro©:

– Melina is late to the ring, but manages to do her split. Sign: “Kane = Icon”. Nitro is flip-tasticular in this one. Backflips out of a leg grab.. hits a big spring dropkick which Kane swats away… Kane yanks Nitro off the mat into a flip… Fun stuff! While Nitro’s good at these athletic displays, he still seems a little shaky on offense.

– Here comes Umaga. Russian legsweep leads to THUMBS! Kane sits up, crowd loves it. Umaga kicks him back down. And how do you make a thumb to the neck more devastating? You do it off the top rope! FLYING THUMB~! Kane starts spitting up blood, looks cool. He spits up one gob in particular.. awesome.

Winner: Raw finish©

Umaga poses. He gets hearty boos, but the heat lasts for only a few seconds.

Diva search recap… Jen IS really good-looking…

At ringside, JR tells us that people come up to him EVERY DAY to talk about the time he kissed Vince’s ass. God that must suck. Time for the “premiere” of The Marine trailer. It opens October 13th. Good Gawd, it’s gonna be a LONG two months!

Randy Orton vs. Ric Flair:

– Ric’s got bandages on his forehead and a dark line under his eye. He looks terrible. King thought Flair vs. Foley was “tacky”. As in.. “thumbtacky”.

– Big suplex on poor Ric… Randy tries to clothesline Ric out of the ring, but Ric doesn’t go over. So Randy backs up and does it again. Oh no… Ric is suplexed on the floor! I really wish they wouldn’t do that.

– Back in, Randy forgoes his patented crowd-killing Ortonlock in favor of some crowd-killing eterni-stomps. Randy comes off the ropes, Ric leans forward (for a back body drop?) but Randy kind of kicks him instead. Ric screams in pain, looked real awkward. RKO.. 1, 2, 3. Randy wins.

– After, Randy stomps on Ric, and apparently this is the 1,000,000th post-match attack in WWE history, and the reward is that the decision is reversed. TREAT!

Randy tried to bring the HATE but it didn’t quite register for some reason. Ric is mega-sympathetic, though, that’s for sure. I’m still convinced that there’s no way in hell that Randy could carry anyone to a *** match.

Winner: Ric Flair

As Randy pummels Ric, Carlito runs in to make the save. Pretty limp way to start a feud. Is the Trish/Carlito thing going to be abandoned? Does that mean we can resume the Viscera/Haas/Lillian ménage a trois?

Cowboy Bob & Randy Orton vs. Carly Colon & Carlito – Hepatitus antidote on a pole match! BOOK IT!

Time for the Kiss my Ass thing. Mick, Melina and the McMahons are in the ring. Mick says he loves the WWE, but he doesn’t need his job this much. Vince points out he’ll fire Melina if Mick doesn’t go slightly gay for us tonight.

Mick looks at Melina and tells her he thinks she’s going to be one of the greatest superstars ever, and she starts CRYING! Real tears! Awesome. So Mick kisses Vince’s ass real quick.

Really bizarre. We get an uncomfortable look at both men’s… underlying creepiness. I love Mick, but this is a guy who wrote a book where his hero gets raped over and over. He seems to have a thing about getting abuse and putting his suffering on display. Like a person who cuts themself. And then you have Vince, who’s a fucking freak and gets off on gay power stuff like this.

It just made for really uncomfortable TV. This is just not what I want from wrestling.

Melina then low blows Mick and tells him he’s fired. Crowd again does not give much heat to a Foley angle. Melina used Mick and then turned on him to curry favor with Vince, I guess. It’s cool that Mick put her over like this, but what will the ‘E do with it? Give Melina the women’s title? I’m up for a Mickie/Melina feud, that’s for sure.

Vince then takes a long walk through the building, mic in hand. He brags on the mic. As he leaves, he gives the house mic to an employee. Once outside, Vince acts like there’s not a camera around..? He tells Shane that he “couldn’t say it in front of them” (the crowd), but he thinks DX has broken him.

The McMahons get into their limo. It turns out there’s a chain hooked to the axl of the limo. So when it drives away, the back tires are yanked off. Vince and Shane get out, and eventually see the “DX” logo on the side of the limo. Vince screams like William H. Macy at the end of Fargo to end Raw.

OVERALL: Man, that was a LOT of McMahons, wasn’t it? I liked Edge vs. Jeff Hardy, but that was about it. A terrible post-PPV Raw. A ONE out of FIVE.

TNA Impact

We open with LAX beating on AJ and Daniels. Hernandez tosses AJ on the ramp. Homicide has a shirt on that says “lucha libre”. Daniels does a gory blade job… “USA” chant?

The ring is set up for a Jeff Jarrett party. Boy did that look lame during the commercial breaks of the UFC show. AJ gets hit with a bucket of ice and the crowd pops big. “TNA” chant. Rhino runs out.. he’s still crazy over.. Rhino f’ing rules. Monty runs in, stomps on Rhino. Runt runs in, attacks Monty. Abyss runs in… Joe comes out, attacks Rhino… Still with me? Someone at ringside rings the ring bell, apparently hoping to annoy them into stopping. Keep ringing, just makes me want to hit the mute button… Here comes Jarrett.. He sips champagne and holds up his belt.

Lights go out, here comes Sting. He beats down the heels with his bat. He spends the most time on Abyss. Abyss vs. Sting, that would be cool.. Sting has a mic, milks a few “TNA” chants. He wants a re-match for the belt.

We see a text graphic that says later it’ll be “Samoa Joe vs. the truth”. Joe is in denial over the fact that his Elvis sideburns are getting out of control, I guess. Really, TNA’s feud of the year is actually Jeff Jarrett vs. the truth, isn’t it?

BORSH is outside Jarrett’s locker room. Eric Young pops out. He wonders if he’ll be fired.

Alex Shelley, Johnny Devine & Petey Williams vs. Chris Sabin, Sonjay Dutt & Jay Lethal:

– Tenay says that Hard Justice was the most unforgettable PPV they’ve ever had. That’s so sad.

– “Let’s go Lethal” chant. He hits the cartwheel dropkick. The faces do criss cross dives, awesome stuff. Sonjay’s dive was a big air front flip. Our ref is Slick Johnson. A handicapped fan has jumped the rails and is whipping Slick with a belt.. oh wait, that’s Earl Hebner. We’ll be right back…

– New ref… “Lethal weapon” chant. We get a sitting four man chain submission, which Sonjay hits a rana in the center of. Went over a little slow, goes for the pin… only two. I still think they need to do WAY more of this stuff.

– Cool finish where two faces each block a heel, and Sabin hits a big spring legdrop to pin Devine.

Fun match! What else is there to say.. it’s just good stuff.

Winners: Chris Sabin, Sonjay Dutt & Jay Lethal

Post PPV footage: Christian bumps into Rhino backstage. Rhino is pissed that Christian screwed Sting. Christian says he did it for everyone.

We cut to a taped interview with Christian. He says this wasn’t a plot. He says he just realized that Sting is trying to put CC in his shadow. Christian says that he put TNA on the map and is nobody’s lackey. Rhino is like a brother to him, says Christian. Sting is not. Rhino vs. CC.. could be awesome or a little dull in the ring…

BORSH is with AJ and Chris. They’re bloody. Daniels is fired up. He’s been a little bit like Stone Cold so far tonight. He vows revenge. Konnan responds from the Spanish announce table, saying he wants a border brawl for their title match. Border Brawl.. that’s one of the million code words for “no DQ”, I guess.

Video of “hot prospect” Bobby Roode listening to offers from managers. Randy Savage he is not. They’re probably going to just rip that angle off completely and give Roode a female. Christy Hemme, hopefully.

#1 Contender’s Match for the Tag Titles – Chris Harris w/ Gail vs. BG James vs. Chase Stevens vs. Kazarian:

– Why do they do that So Cal Val camera shot? They go from between her legs up to the ramp, it’s so freaking weird. It’s just out of nowhere.

– “Let’s go Frankie” chant. Kaz responds by hitting a SWEET slingshot into a DDT. BG barely is able to hoist Chase for a pumphandle. Harris hits a HEWG spinebuster, Kazarian’s head goes snapping off the mat. James Storm ends up running in with his beer bottle, which backfires. Chase uses Storm’s handcuffs to hit Harris and score the pinfall.

Actually… too short! Surprisingly good stuff.

Winner: Chase Stevens

After, Douglas congratulates Chase. Storm and Harris argue. Gail tries to separate them, but apparently she’s invisible in TNA. Storm ends up giving Harris the finger, which is inexplicably blurred out. Spike can’t handle a middle finger at 11 pm?

Samoa Joe vs. Ron Killings:

– “Joe is gonna kill you”. Joe slaps the shit out of Killings to start. Ron responds with a takedown and mounted punches. Joe hits a BIG enziguri kick which leads to a “Joe” chant. Killing’s bump off of this is super-fast, really awesome.

– Commercial. Why does Joe work and Umaga not work? I think it’s because Joe is about making you remember what wrestling was supposed to be about, and making you believe he’s in a FIGHT. It’s just down to the basics. Vince went and gimmicked up Umaga, turning him into a cartoon – exactly what Joe is not. Joe makes you want to see him KILL cartoons like Umaga.

– Crowd goes “What’s up” for Killings, who then charges Joe in the corner. Joe catches Killings and DESTROYS him with a uranage. Beautiful! Meanwhile, Tenay rambles on about a TNA fanfest. Man…

– “Joe is gonna kill you” still. Bootscrape! Don West says “facewash”! I LOVE it when Don shows he knows what’s what. “FINISH HIM” chant, hahaha. Joe instead cinches in a mouth-hiding chinlock to talk things over.

– Killings escapes and hits a huge leaping forearm into a pointless (but cool) spin. Joe unleashes the low-arcing powerslam of TERROR and cinches in a cross armbreaker. They go into a nice sequence ending in a big front suplex. Killings goes up top, Joe hits him with a leaping enziguri kick! Muscle Buster! 1, 2, 3! Joe wins!

Good match! Killings is good with the right opponent.

Winner: Samoa Joe

Jarrett caps off the show saying he wants to face Sting in a title vs. career match. Sure, you do that, tosser.

OVERALL: WWE’s shitty weeks are much worse than TNA’s shitty weeks. So when you go from Vince’s bare ass to a show with plenty of swift, unleashed WRESTLING, it makes TNA that much better. I’ll go ahead and nudge this up a bit and give it a THREE out of FIVE.

ECW Episode #10

Paul’s in the back with The Big Show. Paul says Kurt tore his groin and is on “medical suspension”. He says tonight’s #1 contender’s match is now just RVD and Sabu, but in a ladder match~!

We are live from Washington D.C. And here comes Mick Foley to the ring. Foley says Ric isn’t here. He goes on for a bit about his Hell in a Cell match. He says he continued that match because he wants to be able to look at himself in the mirror in the morning.

This is going too long. I think he should engage the crowd a little more in these promos. He goes off on a soliloquy and leaves the fans behind. I also think it’d be smart for the WWE to show what Mick’s talking about on the screen – the cell bump. There’s lots of kids in this crowd, they probably don’t know what he’s talking about.

Mick said he promised the fans something extreme so he calls out Kelly Kelly, heh heh. Then he calls out his CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND~! Melina! Haha, sweet. Melina does her split entrance RIGHT in front of some 10 year old kids. Their parents have served them well. “Hey kids, this is a vagina. And Melina is a vagina support system”. Mick says it’s time for a 3 way dance… and by that he means actual dancing. Hahaha! I love this guy. He does some real bad moves while the ladies try to grind on him, but he moves away when they get close.

Then Ric’s music hits… Ric slides in and starts throwing punches. His foot is hooked on some camera wire, and it looks like Ric is gonna trip, but being Ric Flair his RING AWARENESS is uncanny and he flips the cord away effortlessly. He ends up choking Mick with his belt, and Mick’s mouth is “bloody”.

I loved this… but one problem is that in the WWE, you usually have a face and a heel. The fans often end up cheering the “heel”, because the WWE doesn’t know what fans think of as a face any more… But in this, you have the lines blurred. And the fans, accustomed to the face/heel dynamic, are hopelessly confused.

Oh nooo. I thought we were done with Shannon Moore. Supposedly Vince isn’t happy with Shannon’s in-ring performances. But he’s at the top of a stairwell and turns and glowers at the camera. He says “Question authority”. I’d like to question an authority and ask “WHY IS THIS ON MY TV?!?”

CM Punk vs. Justin Credible:

– Again? Well, it worked once…

– Credible’s shirt says: “I hate this town”. Cheap Heat: the t-shirt! We start with an arena-wide “CM Punk” chant. Sweet. Punk hits the ol’ victim kick, then debuts the Ohtani boot scrape in the WWE. Gets an OK response. Small “ROH” chant!

– Punk goes for a splash off the top, but lands on Credible’s extended knee. Nasty! Both guys look hurt from that.. Credible locks in an abdominal heat-lock, and sadly it does not get any Punk support. Well, the fans started to rally after a bit, but Credible cut it off at that point. The uraken! Not much reaction for that.. Man, Punk’s moveset is just a best of Japan 2002, isn’t it?

– Credible goes for a swinging DDT, Punk sold it awkwardly. He just plopped straight down, looked a little off. Punk switches out of a suplex, hits the FLYING KNEE~! (It’s the year of the flying knee, mark your yearbooks). Nice leg-slapping high kick… Punk’s finisher: “Uranage gatame”, says Tazz… Styles calls it the Anaconda Vice. Whatever it is, Punk wins with it.

Seems like the law of diminishing returns is in FULL EFFECK here. Crowd heat dropped off after the start, and never came fully back by the end. LOTS of kids in the crowd holding Punk signs though. Something about the guy just resonates.

Winner: CM Punk

Punk throws up his trademark “X” as he poses by the ECW brick entrance.

In some purple-lit hallway, RVD sits on a ladder and points out that the last ladder match he was in was the Money in the Bank match he won at Wrestlemania. Tonight, his bong buddy and he will COLLIDE!

Back from commercial, Styles and Tazz deliver a canned line about how it’d be great to see Balls Mahoney as a Senator. Yeah that’d be.. uh..

Rene Dupree is MODELLING. Let’s just ratchet up the gayness, why don’t we? He calls himself the most beautiful man in pro wres.. SPORTZ ENTERTAINMENT.

FBI vs. Mike Knox & Test:

– Who will win? Tazz says WWE 24/7 is OFF DA CHAIN! HOLY SMOKES WHAT A ROCKET BUSTAH!

– This darkened arena look really cool. With all the little lights in the ceiling, it’s like they’re wrestling in space. Knox hits a really crappy version of a Roderick Strong backbreaker.

– Test with a cracking big boot. Bit of a “you can’t wrestle” chant. Guido sells that boot like DEATH. Awesome. His chin went snapping up.. Test TKO wins it.

Bunch of crap.

Winner: Test & Knox

After, Sandman & Dreamer run out to almost no reaction. Wait.. slight “ECW” chant. The “ROH” chant earlier was actually LOUDER! I’d like to see fans start chanting “ECW” when something really shitty happens in wrestling. Like, say, a Diva Search segment or during Eugene match when he ‘tards up on Raw. The Hosses bail. We get an extended post-match facial session to prolong the agony.

Sabu hype video. Bizarre stuff… A desert is super-imposed over clips of his spots. Then we see a Sabu promo, where there’s twinkling lights to his right. I guess we’re supposed to be tripping into his world or something.

We get a close-up of the contract hanging over the ring on a clipboard. Winner of the ladder match must grab it. Hahaha.. there’s one paragraph of writing on the front. Probably says: “U get 2 wrestle for the ECW belt soon.”

Paul’s in the back with Show and the RIOT BASHAMS. Man, can’t somebody get these guys smaller visors? They look like Dark Helmet from Spaceballs. Angle attacks them, and Heyman shrieks hilariously. Angle is handcuffed by police.. wow haven’t seen that angle in.. what… a week? FRESH!

#1 Contender’s Ladder Match – Sabu vs. RVD:

– Early on, both guys go for spring legdrops and they fall in a heap. What happened there? Man.. they’re chatting up a storm, now… Sabu hops onto the rope as RVD is perched.. Sabu crotches himself.. Crowd says “you fucked up”.

– We are one more botch away from a DEBACLE. Rob tries to jump off the top to grab the contract. Looked weird, because RVD was looking away the whole time. He didn’t come close to reaching the clipboard, either. Crowd doesn’t know what to make of it.

– Sabu hits a spring swinging DDT, crowd LOVED that. Got them right back into it. Sabu goes outside, gets a ladder. Rests it on the apron and stands there, totally just waiting for it to be kicked in his face. Almost every single spot in this so far has been totally telegraphed.

– There’s some spots where a guy goes for a dive and ends up landing on nothing but ladder. Sabu gives Rob a camel clutch while he’s laying on the ladder. Is Rob tapping to that? Looks like it, but no submissions count here. Sabu lays a ladder on its’ side and tries to use it for a spring jump, but it tips and he takes a NASTY spill. Crowd says “you fucked up”, but that looked like an intentional spot to me. Looked painful, too. RVD follows that up super-quick with a legdrop, crowd loves it.

– There’s a clever spot where Rob monkey flips a ladder into Sabu. If this was 1999 the crowd would be into this so much more.. but Vince is WAY behind the curve. Rolling thunder, nothing but ladder. Sabu this time uses a chair for the traditional Sabu triple jump.. BEAUTIFUL moonsault. Crowd loves it.

– RVD hits a big air frogsplash.. climbs the ladder. Gets to the top. Waits for Big Show to get his ass into the ring. RVD tries to splash him, but Show catches Rob and chucks him out of the ring and through a table. Camera missed it! Show tries to snatch the contract, screams at someone to lower it. It’s lowered in increments for some reason as Show continues to be angry. Sabu goes for a rana. Show catches him… holds Sabu there… walks backward.. Sabu grabs the contract. WTF?! What crack head thought up that finish?

This almost came unglued, but got on track and became a fun train wreck like Sabu vs. RVD should be. The finish is just like.. What the fuck? And the execution in this was way off. Everything took two seconds longer to set up than normal for some reason. Still, a very enjoyable match.

Winner: Sabu

Show chokeslams everybody. Sabu EATS his contract hahaha. Nice way to end it.

OVERALL: I got a kick out of Foley’s three way dance, Punk looked fine in his second bout, and RVD vs. Sabu will probably end up being the best wrestling match on TV this week (though it’s easy pickings with Khali vs. Taker as competition). The new ECW is often sucky.. but it’s free. So we watch. And wait for a wrestling TV show that tries something truly different. A TWOOO out of FIVE.

Match of the Week: I love me a good train wreck. While Joe vs. Killings was good stuff, RVD/Sabu was more memorable and more out of the ordinary. So Sabu vs. RVD takes the nod.

Show of the Week: TNA Impact. Not a great show, but better by way of comparison.

I’ll be back Wednesday night with a review of MSG Classics (if it’s on this week). Don’t’ forget to check out the Summerslam review.