wrestling / Columns

WRestling’s 3R’s 11.03.06: Retro Taboo Tuesday, Impact is Officially Russo-Nomical, Raw was a Show, The Animal Dominates a Bland Smackdown and More!

November 3, 2006 | Posted by Larry Csonka

The 3R’s of wRestling!

Introducción~!

Welcome back kids for another edition of Wrestling’s 3R’s! As always I am Larry Csonka, along with me is my tag team partner “The Whole Geoffin Show” Geoff Eubanks. Well kids, Impact was bad, Smackdown was bad, Raw was bad and ECW was blah, but ended up better than the rest and CMLL wasn’t on when I recorded it. Weeks like this I hate wrestling, I really do. But I will press on and do my best with the column kids. Lot of bile, lots of me being pissy but I have my reasons. I hope that things can’t get worse, because if they do I may just publish this column with “FUCK THESE SHOWS” every week. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that, because I like you want good shows. Let’s get to work kids.

  • 106 and counting… **STRUTS**

    Here is a quick explanation of the 3 R’s. I will take the 4 main shows (5 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, ECW on Sci-Fi and WWE Smackdown. If we have a PPV, that show will get a special PPV edition of the R’s all to its own. I then group my feelings on the shows in 3 categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come. This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a “mark” column, nor a “smark” column, I cannot speak for Geoff, but my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 4th and even 5th R to the column, so beware of those~!


    iMpact!: size=36>

    iMpact 10.26.06:

    The Right:

    Angle vs. Joe – We can argue all day if it is too soon or not, and it is in many ways, but Joe vs. Angle is hot and exciting TV. It is new and fresh, a never before seen match and TNA is giving that to us. I have really enjoyed the interaction on TV and all of the pull a parts. Why? It feels like a fight. It feels real. It feel like these guys want to tear each other apart and that they want to prove who is the best. To me that is exciting TV and gets me even more hyped for the match. That is how to build a feud and I love it.

    By the way, I will say that the match ends in a ref stoppage due to Joe bleeding too much. He will have Angle in the clutch, he’ll be fading, and the ref will check on Joe, then Angle and then ring the bell. The place will explode, until JB says, “Your winner, due to referee stoppage…KURT ANGLE!” It was set up with the head butt and Joe bleeding, as well as Angle’s remarks that he didn’t know that, “Joe was a bleeder” this week on Impact. That’s what I see anyway, I could and have been wrong before.

    puRgatory:

    The JJ Face Turn – So this week we had more of the “JJ FACE TURN.” I think that overall the interview was good. The music was perfect, the setting of it being taped right after the loss to “capture the emotion” of the loss was there, so kudos. That is all well and good. Then, for a man that has been obsessed for over 4-years with the NWA Title he says he is going home because he has made personal mistakes. The focus is now switched to him carrying TNA and being a “good person” out of nowhere. It is just coming off as forced, and I am not excited about where they are rumored to go with the storyline. I will keep it here for now, but am not exactly looking forward to where this is heading.

    Who’s the heel? – Impact began this week as they hyped that Sting would address the crowd. When he appeared in the ring, Christian Cage was there. Cage explained that he wanted to return the favor to Sting by taking the new champs spotlight as it was taken from him. He then explained that him having to be a part of the 18-man tournament is a load of crap since he never lost the title and was never given a rematch for the title he never actually lost. He then accused Sting of being afraid, and the proof was that he wouldn’t give him the rematch for the title. Sting then says Cage will get a shot, but not a Genesis. He then pulled the bat on Cage, beat him down and cleared the ring.

    So who’s the heel here? Seriously think about this. Cage wants a shot at the title that he was never pinned for, lays out his case and asks for the shot. Sting says sure, but not now. He then beats him down with a bat. Sure we all know Sting is the face and Cage is the heel, but to me it came off totally ass-backwards this week in presentation.

    The wRong:

    LAX vs. The Naturals/AMW – So this week was the “BIG TITLE SHOT” for the Naturals; months of a storyline culminating to a match on Impact. Mistake. Then, they get AMW involved and they beat the holy hell out of LAX before their title match. Then LAX has to defend the titles against the team that has been working towards the title shot for months. What happened? LAX beats then in 2-minutes. Tremendous. I love LAX and all, but that was just not the right thing to do. They shoot the angle afterwards that Douglas slaps them, they hit him back and he is happy. Later on during the “THE FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT REVERSE BATTLE ROYAL, HYBRID-GAUNTLET STYLE RULES, SEEDINGS BATTLE ROYAL” we get all kinds of shit with LAX, AMW, The Naturals and Team 3D. Just all thrown together and moving 1,000 miles a minute. I see why The Naturals would want to get revenge on Team 3D, since they lost to them at Bound for Glory, but it comes off as tossed together with no explanation.

    No Follow Up/Explanation for Roode – One thing they should have done is have some kind of video recap or play on the Bobby Roode change to Robert Roode and his new manager. If someone turned into the show, they would see a guy they have seen for a year a Bobby Roode (Spike viewers I am speaking of) out there being called Robert Roode, with a new manager with a “$” on his trunks. There was no explanation, and I really feel that their should have been.

    The Ridiculous:

    Russo-Nomics 101: THE FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT REVERSE BATTLE ROYAL, HYBRID-GAUNTLET STYLE RULES, SEEDINGS BATTLE ROYAL – So yeah, I almost put this into purgatory because there were some things about it that were good or fine. But overall, this was not a good idea so we will put it in the ridiculous and I will break things down and discuss them that way.

  • The Idea: This is an in the middle deal I feel. I applaud them for attempting to come up with new and fresh match ideas. They are so few and far in between these days, a fresh match idea that is, that anything new I usually appreciated. Unfortunately things were very convoluted, mainly due to the lay out and rules of the match.
  • The Rules: This one is a bad one. The rules are something that should be discussed. Anytime you have to use three screens to explain the rules of a match, it is a bad idea. Not only because of the short attention spans of the viewers, but for one other important reason. If you would turn this match on half way through and see all of this chaos happening, you would be totally confused and would most likely turn the channel.
  • The Execution of The Match: The “match” itself to me had three stages. The ridiculous, which was 18-goofs fighting to get into the ring. What the hell, are they going to have a “get your gear on first” match next? That part was brutal. The boring, which was the battle royal stuff. It wasn’t bad but also wasn’t good. The final part with Hoyt and Abyss I think I liked more than most. First of all Hoyt was the right guy to use there, because you didn’t want the others taking a pin. Also, Hoyt and Abyss did have a good PPV match a while back, and they do have some chemistry.
  • The Result: I think that the result worked out well. We have the following tournament set up:

    -Ron Killings vs. Lance Hoyt
    -Chris Sabin vs. AJ Styles
    -Robert Roode w/Miss Brooks vs. Christopher Daniels

    -The three winners of the above matches, which take place November 2nd will face off on November 9th in a triple threat match.
    -The winner of that triple threat match will face Abyss on November 16th.

    Abyss as the heel gets a bye to the finals, which is classic booking of a heel in a tournament. It makes whoever the face is that will be battling him weakened, having had to go through two matches before getting to Abyss, who will be fresh when the finals comes around. So I liked that.

  • What they could have done: They should have stuck toothier regular gauntlet style match. Use all 18 guys, start with two and go from there. You work the same style ending and the same reward. It is simple, there aren’t three pages of rules and if someone turns into the match halfway through it is easy to explain what the hell it is. The gauntlet match has become a staple for TNA, and there was just one on the PPV. There is no reason that they couldn’t have done that instead of this crazy ass match. I appreciate the effort, but it was just WAY too much wackiness.

    SmackDown!: size=36>

    Smackdown 10.27.06:

    Welcome to Coffee Talk, I’m Linda Richman. This week’s installment of SmackDown! left me so verklempt, I’ll need a moment before we begin. Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic: World Wrestling Entertainment is becoming only one of the three. Discuss.

    The Right:

    A scrap of continuity in a morass of Ridiculousness – The brief snippet of a backstage promo between King Book-ah and The Big Show displayed exactly the quality of honor among thieves which should exist between two heel brand standard-bearers who are forced to team with each other a week before going to war. My Sovereign Lord exhibited water-tight strategy in proclaiming to Show that Monday’s outcome was the result of a free-for-all atmosphere, whereas tonight’s proceedings forced them into tagging as a unit, thus, they should watch one another’s backs. Show, on the other hand, was still seething over Book-ah’s autocratic behavior on Raw and would go on to display that later in the evening (scroll down). I loved the fact that the heels had differing views where their situation was concerned, yet were still both staunchly heel-entrenched and character-consistent. Whereas Booker is a self-absorbed heel, his ego being the source of his heat, Show’s “heelism” is in being a much deeper-seeded villain, feeling no allegiance to anyone but himself (save, perhaps Paul Fucking Heyman), and had no intention of playing ball to win tonight’s tag match, his sights squarely on the big prize at Cyber Sunday. Excellent example here of the different levels of “heelism” and the manner in which heels may interact with one another. Good stuff!

    purgatory:

    An explanation – It just figures. As soon as I haul out the soapbox, proclaiming SD! to be eons more entertaining than WWE’s other two brands, they deliver a show such as we had tonight. This is gonna be skewed much more to the negative this week, it pains me to admit, but as chock full as puRgatory will be, there will be quite a bit more on the positive side in this section than usual, many segments/matches having been pretty good, in and of themselves, with only a shred of nonsense that taints the overall picture, preventing it from being Right overall. The reason for this, really, is the fact that SD! Really appeared to be on the Right track with the grand majority of the working programs, but this week appeared to be the beginnings of McMahonagement pissing it all away. It was as if Bitchy McSratchy had already returned; I certainly would rather blame her than The ‘Bird. What positively SUCKS is that SD! did a significantly higher rating this week than in the recent past when the show has displayed matches as solid as the storytelling, which means, if Raw is any indication, we’re bound to get the same “quality” of shit like we had tonight in the future, and that, pardon my Portuguese, is FUCKED UP.

    Although it’s always good to see Paul Fucking Heyman – Especially when he’s in what I call “Sir” mode, tonight’s opening segment was boring as hell, as far as I’m concerned. I’m becoming increasingly less stoked about seeing Batista regaining the WT with each week; it seems to me that he’s lost the momentum he had prior to his injury and others have stepped up in the interim who have been and could be just as interesting and compelling as the WC. I’m not saying never again, but Batista coming back and spinning like a manly-man maypole dance on his way to the ring (WTF with THAT?!) just doesn’t qualify him as the #1 contender in my book. I’m thinking the original plan was to have Batista gain revenge on Mark Henry (who “caused” the injury initially) prior to sending The Animal on the title hunt, but
    that plan was negated once Henry himself ended up on the injured list. So, rather than allow Big Dave a similar such build once again, he was thrust Right back into the main event mix and it just feels as if something’s missing to me. An obvious attempt to gather heat for Show via ECW representative Heyman, as well as the main event as a whole, Heyman’s portion of the promo was the only thing that really glowed in this much-too-long opening segment, and that’s just cuz I’m sporting a Kool-Aid moustache.

    And speaking of the main event – It’s no secret that I despise inter-brand fraternization with the exception of the traditionally co-branded PPVs, and a huge reason is because we inevitably are treated to bland crap like this that distracts from each brand’s ability to push along its own agenda. SD! has a lot of talent that needs to be cultivated and/or pushed and could really stand 1) to be allowed to make it on its own (the same could be said for ECW); and 2) it never fails that Raw is inevitably booked to be the strongest brand of the three, making the other two brands look like bitches. The fact is, SD! has the strongest, most varied and I dare say talented roster of the three, and, when booked properly, offers far and away the best program under the WWE umbrella. I furthermore maintain that anytime SD! begins to emerge as such, the booking takes a sharp nosedive and can be described as little more than “creative” sabotage to maintain the myth that Raw is truly deserving of the title “flagship show”.

    The only light of hope and continuity displayed by tonight’s outcome is the fact that, in the end, the match *was* focused on SD! talent, and was a credible tag team pinfall on the Champion of the WUHLD by The Animal, as a result of Show’s deserting King Book-ah, furthering the continuity of the above-stated Right promo between the two heel champions. But make no mistake, friends, John Cena, much as I do truly like him, was the star of this match, a direct result to be certain over the fact that McMahonagement has taken GREAT pains to protect and nurture him back to full face status, thanks in great part to the fact that Edge is such a living, breathing asshole.

    Little wonder Kennedy wants to go to Raw; he’s being booked as if he’s there already – Remember just a month ago when Raw appeared to actually be
    evolving a pretty solid midcard with the likes of Carlito, Johnny Nitro, Shelton Benjamin, the returning Jeff Hardy and Chris Masters and the debuting Super Crazy, only for it all to wither away in a matter of a couple short weeks, killing the momentum of at least half of those performers (in fairness, poor Shelton’s used to it)? Well, welcome to the life of Mr. Kennedy. This is simply a continuation of what we’ve seen from The Undertaker for the past couple of YEARS, as I stated last week. Taker’s position in the company NEEDS to be to start putting over new talent. A
    performer can rise only so far before he must square off against The Dead Man, but if he ultimately can’t get the job done (or, perhaps, *does* the job is a more appropriate term, because there’s no such thing as anything but a decisive loss to Taker, just ask Randy Orton), he has the glass ceiling installed above his head before the ref can pound the third count. I fear the same is happening with Kennedy and that is nothing short of absolute BULLSHIT. WWE NEEDS Kennedy and they should not fuck around with his credibility in this manner.

    However, the match we saw tonight between Kennedy and Kane was the best of
    the evening, as Kennedy proved JBL’s claim that he is the future. Kennedy has a little bit of everything and a LOT of several qualities that a relative rookie will generally take years to develop. The manner in which he targeted Kane’s knee, a basic yet completely effective course of action when approaching a much bigger opponent, was superbly impressive and I’d have believed Kennedy going over cleanly (and not just because Kane still has a little bitch behind his ears from that Umaga embarrassment). Also lending credence to Kennedy’s overall ability was the seemingly effortless manner in which he incorporated hardcore tactics into this match, as it was a No DQ affair. I tell ya, folks, this guys got main event all over him, if he manages to get out of this program with his integrity in tact.

    The wRong:

    WWE’s most entertaining treadmill – Larry and I rarely disagree (you know,
    because we’re always Right, hahaha), but I take a slight issue with his assessment of the Matt Hardy/Gregory Helms program being a prime example of WWE treadmill booking. What started out as a compelling, though not consuming program of one-up man’s ship between fellow North Carolinians, certainly fuelled by JBL’s commitment to putting over both men as solid performers, has stalled somewhat, a huge contribution being the fact that McMahonagement failed to follow up on their rivalry the SD! following a hot showdown at No Mercy. Doing such made the PPV match appear as the blow-off and that both might move on to new programs. Then, picking it up last week blew the life out of the momentum; straight-jobbing Helms to The Undertaker certainly didn’t help matters.

    I must agree 100% with Larrold on the topic of the Cruiserweight Title, however. On a show where Batista’s main character motivation is regaining a title he was forced to surrender because his injury disallowed him to defend it under the 30-day clause, then to have Helms’ entire gimmick be hinged upon the length of his title reign 1) makes Helms look like a pussy (and not in the good heel way) and 2) sullies the credibility of Batista’s chase. This manner of discontinuity cripples the show all the way around and is completely unnecessary. I echo Larry’s proclamation: Defend it or drop it, Greg. You may as well be running around with DiBiase’s Million Dollar Belt
    for all the credibility it lends you.

    In closing, though, I will say that, notwithstanding the glaring negativity surrounding this program, I love each of these performers and even in a little nothing match as we had tonight, it was still one of the best matches on any of the three brands this week. I’m clinging to a thread of hope that we don’t see some Ridiculous fork in the road, as we had when Eddie Guerrero wasn’t content with simply continuing to battle with Rey Mysterio and had to start lurking around his son at the playground, or when it wasn’t good enough that Booker and Kurt Angle cost one another WT shots and Angle decided he needed to have bestiality sex with Booker’s “gutterslut” wife, as appears to be the history on SD!.

    A final word on Batista – We had a backstage promo segment between the two heels in the main event, as mentioned; we also had a similar such promo involving the faces which exemplified just what I mean about the difference between Raw’s champion and ours. What does it say when Cena has to literally get into Batista’s face to motivate him like a coach in some lame sports movie, lighting a fire under the ass of some past-it “used-to-be” who needs to make that one final play to get the team over? The passion Cena’s been displaying lately is the quality of charisma a world champion should exemplify and is just the kind of passion I’m talking about *not* seeing from Batista any longer. I understand he has this whole “Cool Hand Luke” thing going on, but he used to balance that with the fire that earned him the moniker The Animal. It was obvious enough to me without pairing them up to show Batista’s deficiency.

    Anyone else think Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn are next? – Holy shit, let it go. Speaking of treadmills. Although I’m totally in favor of seeing Chris Benoit and Chavo Guerrero hook it up in the ring, especially over the UST, because I think this is the rub Chavo needs to really be solidly entrenched as a credible performer in the eyes of WWE brass and fans, it’s been almost a solid fucking YEAR since Eddie passed and they’re STILL dropping his name like prison soap. I swear to Foley, if they hook up Chavo and Vicki in romantic fashion, I’ll resign.

    The Ridiculous:

    Layers of bullshit – So we had Lashley in a lengthy program against Finlay,
    largely over the UST, which he actually held for a decent clip, to help sharpen the noob’s skills, all so he could put over Tatanka?! Are you fucking KIDDING me?! We all had a feeling this thing with Tatanka getting so-called screwed by the ref’s was going to end up going somewhere, but were holding our breath that it would all go the way of Road Warrior Animal’s push, great time to finally exhibit some continuity, Vince. The only thing about which we can pray now is that this leads to a quick blow-off whereby Lashley goes over in short order and we are never subjected to Chief Bullchip again.

    In the same segment, we saw the team of William Regal and Dave Taylor disintegrate before out eyes, the meniscus tear which was reported last week being broadcast. A deafening THAT SUCKS resounded throughout the IWC with me leading the charge. Still no word on what’s to be done with Regal as a result, but if Regal & Taylor were simply going to be used to facilitate a program between Tatanka and Lashley, perhaps Squire Dave is better off in rehab. Funny thing, this. Now that Regal’s at a loose end, everyone and their Aunt Minerva has come up with the bright idea of hooking him up with Harry Smith. Holy shit, what a fantastic idea! From The R’s, 9 Jun 2K6:

    William Regal & Harry Smith – This seems to be a no-brainer, too. Smith’s dad made his name in tag wrestling, as one of the best teams in history, with fellow countryman in The Dynamite Kid. Now, Smith has a hell of a lot of global experience already, but what rookie couldn’t benefit from tagging with Regal? They’re both British, I say resurrect the BULLDOG gimmick for them, allow Smith to get over by virtue of his and the franchise of the BULLDOG tag names, plus become an automatic heel on Regal’s heel heat, until such time that the run goes its course, Smith shows compassion, Regal accuses him of being soft, Sunshine, you must toughen up! The team implodes and then we get to see them feud, Smith eventually going over and entering the midcard, a legendary second-generation star.

    That harkens back to my restructuring of the WWE roster during my proposed end to the almighty brand split. Regardless of your feelings on the split, my proposal still works today, months later. Let it stand, though, that you heard from me first! But, of course, we have to keep Smith on Raw with HBK so we can have still another nod to Montreal. Just watch.

    MVP is a pussy – I know I’m supposed to say that, but I mean it in an
    XPac/Jarrett-heat sort of way. This guy has displayed virtually NO competence in the ring and is about as annoying a character as The Honky-Tonk Man as a result. This bullshit “I have a tummyache” clause is some of the laziest, weakest booking I’ve seen on SD! in awhile and is just the sort of booking contributing to the sudden downturn of the show’s quality. The fact that MVP was allowed to fake out of a match, then be the reason Kennedy went over Kane sucked, and I’ll tell you why.

    Although we all saw it coming, I didn’t think we’d be subjected to it this soon. Next week, Taker & Kane reunite, and to face the team of Kennedy & MVP. There is no way Kennedy’s getting out of this program alive, especially now that he’s got this dead weight of MVP attached to him. I can see McMahonagement’s “logic”; they think putting MVP in this company will elevate him, but it WON’T, it will only serve to drown Kennedy. And I’ve got five that says as soon as THE BROTHERS OF DESTRUCTION are successful in dispatching their foes, Kane finds some reason to turn on his brother for “n”th time, leading to still another WrestleMania showdown, where Taker continues his undefeated streak. *YAAAAAWN*

    And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse – Okay, what was up with that promo with Ashley and the WWETTCs?! Did they not come off as being totally gay? Paul London coveted Ashley’s costume because he wanted it for himself, and Brian Kendrick could barely assert how hot he thought she looked from underneath London leaning all over him? Oh, and I’m really glad this was the best we could think of as a means toward getting our champs on the program, to set up.

    The Diva Trick-or-Treat Tittyfest – Thank Benoit this was short and
    sweet, well, short, anyway, as only Jillian Hall and Kristal can actually wrestle (although that’s about as many women as can wrestle on Raw, and they’ve got the women’s belt). But, boy, did the picture get clearer after the break.

    I bemoaned the apparent neglect of The Miz following that awful birthday party segment at No Mercy, wondering why they’d bother to feature him performing in the ring only to include him in a lame skit and drop him from TV (I should have saved that line of thinking for Jimmy Wang Yang, who has managed to evaporate from TV, most likely because he has talent). Well, holy shit, is The Miz overplaying his God-given annoyance factor now or what, another facet that puzzled me. And then I got it. Smiley’s back. And he’s after Miz and Kristal. Faithful readers know not even JT hates Boogey as much as I do (although he comes close). As a matter of fact, I’ll go so far as to say that there is NO ONE who HATES him as much as I do. There’s a lot that could be said about this nauseating turn of events, but I’m not wasting any energy on it, other than to exclaim with a grin to ANYone who digs The Boogeyman, “FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU IN THE ASSHOLE WITH A BIG, RED, RUBBER DILDO, BREAK THE END OFF AND BEAT YOU IN YOUR EMPTY FUCKING HEAD WITH IT.”

    Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: [email protected]


    RAW!:size=36>

    Raw 10.30.06:

    The Right:

    The Nature Boy, The Sarge, The Hot Rod, The Dream and…Dayum – I love something on Raw this week. That was the use of guys that shouldn’t even really be involved yet alone possibly on the PPV. Ric Flair came out to address the crowd this week. He hyped his Cyber Sunday match, and then introduced his possible partners in the Sarge, Piper and Dusty. Once again I was happy to see these guys on my TV. Piper is a fucking loon, so there is the possibility of wackiness. Sarge is just great, and can actually still bump well for a man his age. Dusty Rhodes is Dusty FN Rhodes. He dances, he jive talks and it may as well be 1980’s JCP or Florida for me when he is on the screen, in small doses. The three possible partners cut promos, and all did a better job of 97% of the guys on the current roster. They may come out and talk every week as far as I am concerned. The final thing was Coach telling Bishoff he would beat down the next man he saw. Which turned out to be Ron Simmons. Coach ran like a pussy and Ron did what Ron does, “DAYUM.” If they keep doing this it will become old, but for now, it is gold. God bless these men for making me remember why I love wrestling.

    puRgatory:

    So…predictable – The main event stuff was so predictable this week. You knew as soon as they put Coach in there that he would be selected to take the ass whooping. While “the fans” wanted it, it was predictable and set up as that. Fine, you made them happy. What did this do to sell the PPV? Coach isn’t part of the Champion of Champions match, he’s a stooge involved with the DX crap. So yeah, Cena kills Coach and the final thing is the champs staring at each other; which means nothing because they have already been fighting and not kept apart. This company should be glad Ashish makes me order these shows. I suppose it is a mixed bag, so I will keep it here.

    Cryme Tyme – I am just not totally sold on Cryme Tyme yet. They are fun, they are fresh compared to a lot of the bland guys already on the roster and for new guys from developmental, they actually have a gimmick to play to the max. JTG has the charisma of 15-men and once again showed it this week. But I am still very concerned about their in ring work. Shad is getting the “stay on the apron and don’t mess up the hot tag” treatment due to him being very green and them having no confidence in him.

    The wRong:

    Rinse, wash, repeat – I hate handicap matches. What I hate even more are handicap matches I have seen before. What I hate even more than that is the fact that you have a guy that no one really cares about trying to get others over in 2006 while the retarded guy with an assload of talent is made to act like an angry, afraid retard. The worst part about all of this is that we have seen it before and that no one cares. Please, end my pain.

    The same three men, the same damn match… – So this week we got Carlito vs. Shelton vs. Nitro, again. The same three men doing the same damn match on the same damn show and I don’t care. This was WWE’s way of saying VOTE FOR CARLITO. Hooray voting. I just don’t care, I really don’t right now. No one is elevated, no one is moving up or down and no one is over anymore than they were before they had that 2-minute match. Worthless.

    So um… – Why is Lita no longer around Edge? Seriously, I think that this is a valid question. JT and I were talking about it the other night. Why are the no longer associated together? She was absent during the Cutting Edge, absent during the Orton match and Edge was nowhere to be seen during her match. SO did I miss something over the last weeks? Did Edge find a new fuck buddy? Did Lita move onto the rest of the locker room? Or is this another example of WWE needing a continuity editor? I will go with #3 for the block please.

    The Ridiculous:

    Um…am I missing something?: – Ok let me get this straight. Cryme Tyme defeated the Tag Team champions 2-times, back to back, in their first 2-matches in WWE and they are being stuck in a clusterfuck 4-way match at the PPV instead of getting a title shot at the PPV? While I appreciate them not being thrust into the titles right away, why the hell did you have them beat the champs 2-times right off the bat? Totally ridiculous and it makes Flair and whoever challenging look poor in comparison. So Flair, Sarge and Piper all have wins over the totally jobbed out Spirit Squad. I swear they are having a monkey book this shit. BOOKING BAD…BAD MONKEY!

    Carlito looks like a goof – Was it just me, or did Carlito come off as a retarded pimp in his segment with Torrie this week? Why do they feel that he needs a chick as part of the package, and why do they feel one blond is interchangeable with another. Torrie has negative charisma and makes me want to turn the channel. To me this makes Carlito look like a goof, and is doing him no favors as a character. No sir I don’t like it, I don’t like it at all.

    The Ri-GOD-DAMN-diculous:

    DX HHH Dominates…AGAIN! – Let’s ignore that this was the third match in 3-weeks between these guys and that no one is caring or will want to pay for the tag match. And let’s not even worry about that HHH made Edge look like an idiot before the match even started. Let’s not even mention that HHH worked as a heel and worked over Orton forever and then Orton got the heat by face tactics. No, let’s just move on with the idiocy. I don’t know how to explain this any further, but I will reiterate my point, a point I have made MANY TIMES. Having DX always come out on top, EVERYTIME is the stupidest booking in the world. The booking of DX, from the return through now has sucked a cock, big, hairy cock. Why would people spend money to watch the faces get their revenge when they aren’t getting revenge. They always win. They always come out on top. They are always smarter and the people they are feuding with look like shit in the end. But THIS WEEK it was even worse. Orton and Edge looked like the most pathetic bad guys in the history of the world. They are now Cade and Murdoch. They are goofs. They suck. Why? It isn’t their fault, HHH made them look like shit. They had him beat down 2 on 1, but HHH not only fought them off, but he grabbed the sledgehammer and beat them down and chased them off and stood tall…BY HIMSELF! He doesn’t even need HBK to take the team ass kicking for him, he’ll just make the superman/baby face comeback and stand tall because he is the H’s. How a man can be so smart about wrestling, can also be so stupid at the same time is amazing. There are no heels on Raw anymore for people to care about anymore. Fuck, bring back K-Fed, he has more heat than anyone as far as heels go. It is beyond pathetic. They have cut the balls off of Orton and Edge. They mean absolutely jack shit right now and there is NO HEAT for this match. And let’s not forget that HHH gave a promo later, basically burying them again. Tremendous.

    WWE: We Hate Money.


    ECW on Sci-Fi!: size=36>

    ECW on Sci-Fi!: 10.31.06:

    The Right:

    The Main Event plays on classics – For the most part the main event this week was a good TV match to have. Test and Holly have issues, RVD and Show have issues, Heyman controls Show and Test and RVD and Holly have issues with him personally. It all makes sense, so we are good to go here. I like this, they are building towards stuff, and establishing feuds. Good to go. The match was fine, it was long which is something ECW is doing that the other shows, minus Smackdown some weeks are doing. They were building towards the end and the gorilla that was ringside all evening jumped RVD with a pipe. MID-SOUTH~! It turned out to be Heyman that hit RVD and cost him the match. The classics are always appreciated here in Larry-Land, so this was good stuff.

    Sabu to get Extreme – This week was the first qualifying match for the first ever EXTREME Elimination Chamber. With Big Show and RVD already confirmed, the next logical selection for a shot was the man that has billed his career on being homicidal, suicidal and genocidal, an ECW Original and hardcore legend Sabu. Sabu faced off with Kevin Thorn this week for a chance at a spot in the match. If this was a few weeks ago I would have complained that having Thorn lose clean was detrimental to his character. But since he has lost clean to Dreamer, losing to Sabu is totally fine.

    puRgatory:

    The Extreme Elimination Chamber – Now this makes things a little interesting. I think that they first feel that Show vs. RVD isn’t a huge draw, especially since we have seen in something like three times on free TV. Also with Vince not particularly wanting RVD to win the title, this would be a way to get the title off of Show, keep Show strong and have someone else take the strap. That is all well and good, but considering ECW has such a limited roster, what the hell are they going to put on PPV? Seriously this may be the shortest PPV of all-time. Lets look at what they could put on as a card.

    CARD Speculation/Maybe Spoilers:
    -Extreme Chamber: Big Show © vs. RVD vs. Sabu vs. Test vs. Hardcore Holly vs. CM Punk
    -Tommy Dreamer vs. Mike Knox
    -The Sandman vs. Matt Striker
    -Rene Dupree vs. Shannon Moore
    -Heyman’s Security vs. The FBI
    -Wacky Vixen’s/Diva’s Segment
    -Davari vs. Balls Mahoney

    I am stretching there for matches, but as you can see, especially with the addition of Extreme Chamber the card is going to be very difficult to fill out. I figure with the Survivor Series one week before this PPV, there will be some Raw and or Smackdown interaction on the show to fill it out; which should lead to my theory of Carlito jumping to ECW. I think that it sucks that they haven’t established enough talent to put on a PPV on their own. I figure the Survivor Series will have something that leads to this show angle wise. By the way, did you realize that the ECW PPV is 7-days after Survivor series? That is just asking for a bad buy rate, and even worse; this PPV may not be on in the UK.

    Davari…with Khali – Davari is a damn talented wrestler and this is HOW he should be used, wrestling with Khali as HIS corner man. Davari could really do well in ECW. The debut was good as he beat Moore on his own, with no help. Khali only attacked after the match, so all is good there. As I said, he could do very well in ECW, but it will all be in the push. I find it a bit odd that they let him wear his normal gear, which is basically just like Sabu. I hope that this will be a set up for a feud down the line because that could really help Davari get over as a strong heel. We’ll stock the debut in purgatory and watch and see where it goes. I hope that it goes well.

    Extreme Diva Costume Contest: – I totally understand the need for T&A in wrestling. It was Halloween and they wanted to do something special, I am all for that. But here is the fact, they have a one hour TV show; 43-or so minutes a week to build to their PPV, which they now only have 4-weeks to build, with a thin roster. I think they wasted some valuable TV time with this. I will say that it did set for next week, Punk vs. Knox, but they could have done that without this. I’ll leave it here, just a small thing I feel.

    The wRong:

    Nothing of Note

    The Ridiculous:

    No Zombie – It was Halloween, they should have brought him back. When I realized he wasn’t going to be on the show, a little piece of me died.


    RetRo WWE TABOO TUESDAY 2005!: size=36>

    Match Results:

    Match #1 – Rey Mysterio and Matt Hardy defeated Chris Masters and Gene Snitsky @ 13:45 via pin **¾

    Match #2 – Eugene and Jimmy Snuka defeated Rob Conway and Tomko @ 6:24 via pin ½*

    Match #3 – Mankind defeated Carlito @ 7:30 via Submission

    Match #4 – The Big Show and Kane defeated Cade and Murdoch to become the NEW World Tag Team Champions @ 8:20 via pin

    Match #5 – Batista defeated Coach, Vader and Goldust @ 4:25 via pin (NR)

    Match #6 – Diva Rumble: Trish Stratus retained her title @ 5:35 *

    Match #7 – IC Title Match: Ric Flair © defeated HHH via escape @ 23:40 ****

    Match #8 – John Cena © defeated HBK and Kurt Angle @ 16:45 via pin ****¼

    The Right:

    OH MY GOD – For this I will use mine and Randle Fact or Fiction responses, because I think they capture what I want to say:

    Randle: After watching Taboo Tuesday (yes, I paid for it), I came to the conclusion that Joey Styles was a shot in the arm. He and Lawler need to work on gelling, but considering he was a last-minute decision, he did a laudable job. He’s not just a different voice, he’s a younger voice, and most importantly, he’s an excited voice. Joey Styles sounds legitimately “into” what he’s seeing. And sure, he doesn’t have the credibility of Jim Ross’ years of experience, but when he said “I have been blessed to be able to call this match” after Flair-Trip, he made me believe it. Maybe it was because he was comfortable because it was a one-shot, and on PPV, so he could slip in some borderline cursing, but he made for a much looser, more enjoyable commentary. I think WWE should try and get him to stay for as long as humanly possible.

    Csonka:First off I need to say that NO ONE calls the big match like Jim Ross. It would take a lot to change my mind there, but I shall agree with my Canadian colleague here in that Joey came off as fresh, excited and happy to be there. He let it go and had fun, worked with Lawler well and considering the EXTREME (pun of course) short notice, did nothing less then a phenomenal job. If they have a hard on to keep Ross off of TV, then Styles is the best way to go.

    Joey did a hell of a job and added to my and apparently many others enjoyment of the show. Good work, ya sellout! I added that because I need something for people to complain about. Honestly, good work by Joey, I liked it a lot.

    To be the man, you gotta beat the man – There are times I see Ric Flair on TV and think, “Ric, please retire. Please do it so you don’t hurt yourself and please don’t tarnish the legacy you have achieved.” Then, he steps into the ring with Orton, HHH, Angle, HBK and has a great match and I say, “Ric, please stay, please stay and put on these great matches and promos like only you can.”

    After the beat down from HHH, the next week he came back and cut one of the greatest promos of the year, completely blood soaked by his own hand. I though at that point, “this match will be awesome.”

    Sure I was setting myself up for disappointment, but when he is on, Flair is still one of the very best today. HHH idolizes him in real life, and would put on his best effort to have that great match with Flair. Just like last year Flair got placed into a steel cage match, and once again he delivered. This is his PPV.

    Once again this year it was like hopping into a time machine as Flair bled, crawled, chopped and cheated his way to a victory. The intensity in his eyes, chopping HHH, strutting and saying, “BRING YOUR BEST FUCKIN SHOT” to the Game in the opening minutes as well as the visual of an insanely blood soaked Flair later on pulled you into that cage and you felt the pain of every shot he took and the vindication of busting HHH open.

    As for HHH, let’s not forget his contributions to this match. HHH played his part perfect as well. He was the total asshole as he destroyed his idol and friend. He beat Flair to a pulp, almost killing him. All of these elements together and you have a spectacular match. Thanks to both men.

    Women’s Rumble/Mickey James and Trish – This wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. First off this is about all they can do now with only three trained women wrestlers. Secondly, they kept the interaction of the non-trained ones short, and got rid of them to get to Trish, Mickey and Victoria. This is where the story telling really came into play. Mickey continually saved Trish from elimination and added to the crazy Mickey storyline. In the end Mickey sacrificed herself to save Trish’s title. Todd tried to interview Trish, and crazy Mickey kept butting in and talking for Trish proclaiming her greatness. Trish looked generally annoyed and this is now coming along very nicely.

    Cena vs. HBK vs. Angle – This match was just awesome. They all worked well together and Cena just looked like he belonged in there with HBK and Angle. It was just an exciting end to the PPV as they busted their asses, did all of the little things right and DELIVERED. A lot of WWE PPV main events have come up short in that area this year, but this one delivered on about every level you though tit would. The good thing is after this match, there is no clear-cut direction they will go. There is intrigue, and that along with good matches sells PPV.

    The wRong:

    Foley vs. Carlito – First off, what a waste of Mick Foley’s return. I am sorry, I LOVE Mick Foley, he is probably my favorite wrestler ever, it is between he and Flair. I just do not understand why they wasted his return here on this PPV. He was out of shape, he tried to take some big shots for Carlito but in the end, the crowd didn’t care. When the crowd doesn’t care about Mick Foley, there is something wrong. They rushed the feud, they rushed the match and in the end the former US and IC champion lost the a very out of shape and slightly motivated Foley. I will admit, Afro Socko kicked ass, but a bad match and honestly a little sad to see when I know Foley can do so much more.

    Is this WCW? – Wow. Jimmy Snuka wins over Conway…Eugene didn’t pin him, Jimmy Snuka pinned him. What was even worse is that it took Snuka like an hour to set up the splash. It is just sad to see, and once again made little to no sense. How are they supposed to build up Conway as a serious threat when in essence he loses to a retarded man and a 50 + year old ex-coke addict that can barely climb the ropes? Then after the match, Tomko and Conway get beat down by Eugene, Snuka, Hacksaw and Kamala. I am glad that Hacksaw kid is getting his shot, he’s paid his dues.

    Then we had the mastery of Batista working Coach, Goldust and Coach. Wow…just wow. This was bad on so many levels, like WCW Thunder bad. Nothing was more classic than the first try to give a spinebuster to Vader, where Vader couldn’t get up, Batista dropped him and yelled out, “FUCK!” It was…something.

    Then there is the shooting off their wad on the Inter-Promotional stuff as a whole. I think they are killing off the importance of it. Just might be my opinion, but it takes away from it’s feel of being special.

    The Ridiculous:

    Same booking, different year…only with HOSSES! – Last year Edge and Benoit came up short in the voting, and went onto face La Resistance for the tag titles. Edge left Benoit for dead, YET Benoit won the titles. Ok, fine, they used it for a storyline. THIS year, they have Kane and Show lose, which they wanted them to lose by the booking on Monday and had them do the same thing, WIN THE TITLES. Why? Oh yes, so we can SHIT ON THE TAG TEAMS some more! Why not have Murdoch and Cade cheat, they are heels you know and get DQ’ed. Then they could have you know, built up to a title match. This screams of lazy booking and short sightedness on the behalf of creative. I like Kane and Show, they are a fun monster tag team, but it makes little sense.

    False Advertising – I wrote this last month: Alluding to certain things on PPV to obtain more buys that is. Now it may be a sound “business decision,” but it isn’t very ethical. Going into Summerslam they heavily, although carefully pushed that Bret Hart may be there via the promo work by HBK, and the music tease. Of course he wasn’t, but many people bought the show because they thought he may be.

    This time around they really pushed that the Raw Superstars might invade the show. They mentioned it in Smackdown, WWE.com and on the PPV. At the end of the show as Eddie and Batista shook, people were looking to the back, hell, even I expected it and I know of people that bough the show because they thought the Raw guys would appear. They didn’t. No doubt the buy rate got a little boost from this because god knows they did jack shit to push the PPV itself. They need to stop this, besides the fact of it not being very honest; people will stop buying the shows if they constantly feel ripped off.

    Yeah, time for me to harp on this again. Now I understand that Edge was injured, but to not announce during the pre-show that he wouldn’t wrestle was shitty. He came out for his match and then they ran an angle saying he has nothing to gain by wrestling and left. Snitsky replaced him. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for SOME honesty, especially when people are paying for your product.

    **Chime up the bitching**

    At least TNA made sure to tell you that (back when) that Matt Hardy would NOT be on their PPV and that Kevin Nash would NOT be on the latest PPV and not wrestle. A little honesty would be nice, but that’s just me.

    PPV Thoughts:
    There was a LOT of crap in the middle of this show, but once you get past it you are treated to two excellent main events that make the show totally worth it! I will go 7.0 out of 10 for the show.


    READER RANT TIME!

    From Johnny on IMPACT –

    I didn’t like the whole battle royal thing. Why didn’t they just have a normal one instead all the battle royal nonsense. I think Lance Storm’s comments about the whole thing are pretty right on. Also Why was Jeff Jarrett so upset about his title loss? I mean it is really not the first time he lost it. Jeff Jarrett probably didn’t realize that Sting has experience carrying a company you know he did it over 14 years ago and everything. No biggy there for him. I don’t think the fans are going to really take the turn seriously because they didn’t back in 2003 so it won’t really matter this time. I hope I don’t see him for a while.

    From Andy on Bound for Glory –

    Sorry about the late shout, been away from the computer, but I still wanted to send feedback about a great TNA outing. I was extremely nervous going into the show because it was a huge stage and a giant opportunity for TNA. I’m happy to say that they did a great job. The battle royal was marred by Nash’s verbal burial of Aries and an inexplicable midget sighting, as well as some other strangeness. However, I was very happy to see that Nash put Austin over big in the end. I’m actually looking forward to seeing Aries and Shelly vie for Nash’s attention, as it moves the focus of Nash over to comedy heels so he can add value instead of bury the champion. The X-division match was amazing and reached the potential that the two competitors obviously possessed. Styles/Daniels prove for one last time that they are too amazing for words, and set LAX up as the most credible champs in wrestling at the moment. It dawns on me that LAX will now feud with the other tag team the Christopher Daniels helped put over for months on end. Let’s face it, the Fallen Angel makes tag teams, and appears to be the man of choice to help make Roode look legit. The rest of the show was safe and smart booking without anything surprising. And I suppose that would be my only real gripe with the show, it was lacking something special or surprising that will make it memorable. Overall it gets the highest rating ever, 1/2 Train wreck. Midget = Train wreck, but smart booking and no stupid turns (AMW almost counts for their half face and half crazy racist promo). Enjoy the interesting but heavily suspect Impact booking, I know I will.

    For more interesting information on wrestling, check out Bryan Alvarez and Figure Four Weekly Online, Mike Campbell over at SPLASH MOUNTAIN and Dr. Keith Lipinski over at Puroresu Power!

    Thanks for joining us, PEACE!

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