411’s TNA Impact Report 09.08.16

Opening, Sons of Anarchy style intro to the tune of “Obsolete” as Senor Benjamin has prepared three graves for Decay. Inside the Hardy compound, Matt announces the personal zoo be opened for training. Could this be the Kangaroo?

Someone call Mike Bennett’s Mama

“Now Moose, we had a perfectly good relationship. You did what I said, when I said it Moose.”

Bennett says he had a good Mom because she told her baby Miracle not to bite the hand that feeds him. Bennett says he sent Moose a very strongly worded text message, and he fired his Ass! And now that Moose is out of the picture he can focus on the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. And no one can stop him, not Dixie, not Lashley, and certainly not Moose!

Dixie Carter walks out and tells Bennett she questions most of the decisions he makes for this company. She says she has made a decision. Miracle says she is going to add him to the main event- and she says nope. She just signed, today, the man Bennett is going to face at Bound For Glory-

“MOOSE NATION” kicks up over the PA System as Moose walks out of the back in an Impact Wrestling shirt. The fans are cheering as Quinn Ojinnaka is the newest signee to the brand. He goes immediately for a Go To Hell on Miracle, but Maria provides the distraction as both scamper from the ring.

Backstage Miracle refuses to face Moose and says Dixie says if he doesn’t, he breaches his contract and that is no way to become World Champion. She tells Maria the board has decided she can’t be in charge of the Knockouts as Champion. She will e defending the Knockouts Title at Bound For Glory and her contender will be decided next week.

Gail Kim & Jade vs Sienna & Allie

Gail attacks Sienna who was dragging Allie to the ring. Gail and Jade make tags as Sienna has to bring Allie in, and Allie tags in but gets kicked to the floor. Sienna berates her and orders her in for the tag. Sienna eats a Kim elbow, but catches Gail off the buckle and throws her in the powerslam!

Cover, no. Sienna fakes the tag as the fans chant for Allie, She mocks the fans who chant for Allie and hits a huge Samoan Drop on Gail. She’s not even Samoan.

Sienna gets another lax cover on Gail, kickout. Up for the bomb but Gail counters with a neckbreaker!

Both crawl for their corners but Sienna instead goes for Gail and gets overwhelmed by Jade! Running Rana and boot! Allie tags in blind as Jade has Sienna ready, and Allie dives off the top and lands the double axe into Sienna!

Sienna is furious and as Jade and Allie face off, Sienna runs off the ropes and smashes Allie with the Silencer!

Jade makes the cover.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Jade at 4:38, Silencer

Backstage, Corgan says he has an announcement. He could possibly change the face of wrestling for good. JB wants the scoop, but no dice.

At the Hardy Compound, and Matt’s personal zoo, the family has gathered. To the mere mortal, who stand behind him is the very first president of the United States of America. George Washington, the giraffe. He asks the giraffe if Nero should face the Kangaroo. George eats his hat.

Kangaroo beats up on both Hardys.

Matt introduces them to the howler monkeys, which have no soul because they are spot monkeys. They are named for the X-Division athletes, and also Matt and Nick, for some reason. Then Matt brings in Ghengis Kahn, his tiger. Oh no.

Billy Corgan changes the face of wrestling for good

Effective immediately, Corgan announces the KOTM Title is retired, and the Grand Championshop is born-

“Wish it Away” by Psycho Dalek kicks up over the PA System as Wronged Man Drew Galloway makes his way out from the back. He walks down to confront Billy Corgan in the ring. Galloway walks up to the title as the fans chant “Why Drew Why?”

Drew says a new title, new types of matches, and he says if he wants an innovator, why not someone who has sixteen years in the business but just turned 31? He runs through his self-compliments and says he is the only choice.

Corgan says it’s not about politics. Here is how it will be decided:

Judges decide on Aggression, Control and Physicality.

Corgan feels threatened and Galloway says when he’s used to his full potential, he is this bloody business!

“Hallelujah!” Aron Rex walks out saying Drew isn’t, the fans are. He took his cheapshot, and Rex will send him back to Scotland via a medical helicopter. Corgan yells this title is about evolving the business. Rex will debut in this tournament, and Galloway will wrestle his opener, now.

Drew Galloway vs Braxton Sutter

Grand Championship Title Tournament First Round

The clock has started, Drew and Sutter circle then brawl in the corner. Braxton in for the lockup, waistlock reversal by Drew and he picks and slams Sutter down. Drew and Sutter trade kicks and boots, cover, no.

Braxton gets taken up in the tree choke, and sent into the corner. Drew unloads with chops, and slashes the knife! Huge chop! He points to the judges, manages a double leg takedown and wrapping the head, snaps the DDT.

Cover, no. Drew slamming fists as Braxton covers up, bell.

Judges Score: 10/9 Galloway, 10/9 Galloway, 10/9 Galloway
Round Two

Drew slams the shot to Sutter and smashes the lariat to the back of the head! Drew steps on his neck, and pulling Braxton up, RAZOR’S EDGE into the buckles!

Drew goes up top, taking Sutter to the no, Braxton fighting and drops to catch Drew’s throat across the top! Braxton up and has Galloway, SUPERPLEX!

COVER! NO!!

Sutter unleashes the chops!! Takes a strike, and Drew no Sutter blocks shots and takes Drew down, strikes and Drew to the corner, taken off the ropes Snap Powerslam!

Braxton slams shots into Drew, the stomp and they trade blows, Drew covering up as Braxton mounts and Bell.

Judges Score: 10/9 Sutter, 10/9 Sutter, 10/9 Galloway
Round Three

Drew attacks with a boot in the corner! Piledriver off the ropes! And the Iron Maiden slapped on in the center of the ring, Braxton Sutter has to submit!

OFFICIAL RESULT: Drew Galloway at 0:44 in the Third Round, Iron Maiden Submission

During the break, Rockstar Spud pearl harbored Braxton Sutter, and curbstomped him on an exposed turnbuckle! Damn Spud, hold a grudge much.

Somewhere outside Cameron, North Carolina, a hapless fellow is leaving the liquor store when he is approached by Rosemary. She calls him sugar as he talks about letting her ride him all night long. Well the rest of Decay are there, and they leave him laying in the street. Decay head towards the Hardy Compound like ghouls in the night….

Bound For Glory Press Conference, Lashley vs Carter

Both enter as Corgan says this is a main event that only comes around once every twenty years. Ethan says he is very much looking forward to the future. He says he’s staring at the most dominant TNA World Champion of all time, but when he looks at him he sees a bully, an intimidator and what he did was a dick move to the X-Division. Their dance started when he stepped over Kurt Angle. Their dance ends at BFG.

Lashley says he doesn’t dance. What you people don’t understand is their company is under fire. And we even have these little MMA fighters running their mouths. He’s a bully because this business is not about weak guys. He will smile and shake their hands and eliminate any other wrestler. He will defend the World Title against any other wrestler, any other fighter, anyone in the world. He defends TNA and wants to know if Ethan can do that.

Carter says no that’s not him. He’s the guy you call when you need the ass kicked of the most dominant Champion. He swears on everything, and he will become an EC3 Time World Champion.

Lashley says Kurt, Drew, Edwards, Storm, DJZ, and they all said the same thing. A bodybuilder versus a fighter. They all said the same thing, they all went down the same way. But you keep hyping these people all you want. And he doesn’t care about them singing the theme song. He’s going to go train, and October 2nd he will beat his ass like he’s never fought before. He can hype all he wants, so Lashley says they still didn’t believe him, no matter what he does. So at Bound For Glory he’s going to make them believe him.

During the photo op Carter flips off Bobby and they brawl around the stands, hitting each other with chairs and Lashley throws Carter down the stands and taunts from the ceiling.

Lashley and Carter brawled across the empty Impact Zone, as Carter sent Lashley through trash cans! Lashley tossed Carter over a table and grabbing his poster down, smashed EC3 with his poster, and opening the door, Lashley went to the waiting ambulance, and Carter is thrown into the wood near the door.

Jesse Godderz talks about his training and everything he does outside of Impact leads him to the door. It’s synergy, poetry in motion and it all comes together inside the ring. He was captain of his wrestling team and everyone looked at him to get the first round. He will get that win and move on to adjust.

Eli Drake vs Jesse Godderz

Grand Championship Tournament First Round Match

Lockup to start as our bell begins the first round action. Drake is taken over and Jesse wraps the keylock. Drake to his feet, manages on top, but gets taken over with an armdrag and is sent right back into the headlock.

Godderz takes Eli down and almost gains a three.

Eli wraps the scissors and Jesse pulls out, Adonis no, Drake gets overwhelmed and takes a flying forearm. Cover again. Nope.

Jesse for another cover, only gets two.

Eli wraps the head and manages a roll over front facelock. Pin attempt no.

Jesse controls the head and inside cradle on Eli. Jawbreaker by Eli and Jesse stacks him for a pin, bell.

Judges Score: 10/9, Godderz, 10/9 Drake, 10/9 Godderz
Round Two

Drake manages shots to the head, kicking Jesse into the corner. Godderz takes a kneelift in the corner, and Eli takes some kicks, catches the clothesline into a floatover DDT and cover!

NO!

Jesse escapes, Drake talking trash and caught in the sleeper! Jesse tilt a whirl SLAM by ELI! Kickout!!

Drake again talking some smack and he says his catchphrase as JESSE Springs off the top flying forearm! STINGER SPLASH! FALLWAY SLAM!

Double leg takedown and Adonis Lock! Drake escapes!

Jesse again avoids the shot and goes again! Turns the man over and Eli is caught in the submission! Eli stays in the hold and round two is over at the bell.

Judges Score: 10/9 Drake, 10/9 Godderz, 10/9 Godderz
Round Three

Schoolboy and Sunset Flip from Jesse, both kicked out at two.

Eli lands the drop and only gets two!

Drake for the Sharpshooter, but Jesse has the leg, Godderz reverses into the Adonis Lock and turns the man over but Eli has the bottom rope!

Jesse from behind, LAUNCHES THE BACK SUPLEX!!!

ONE! TWO! NO!

Godderz and Eli both down, Godderz caught and tripped he eats the bottom rope!

Drake manages Blunt Force Trauma!

OFFICIAL RESULT: Eli Drake at 2:15 in the Third Round, Blunt Force Trauma

Outside Aron Rex is kicking shit and yelling about stuff. He says he’s been known for talking and performing no-

“Drew and I hope you’re watching? I’m not thinking.”

And now thank you so much oh wrestling gods as the world is watching, we are about to have

DELETE OR DECAY!

The Broken Bros vs Decay

DELETE OR DECAY

Decay walk in the graveyard and yell at Senor Benjamin then head through the forest on their way to the Hardy Compound.

They see the family through the window and begin to sing, as Matt Hardy is outside…

“DECAY! I KNEW YOU’D COME.”

TV-14

They come after Matt, and all three Reby and Nero and Matt have Roman Candles!!

Abyss: This is Not Beautiful!

DELETE! They chase Decay with Roman Candles! They knock over defenseless ladders! They chase Decay through the woods, and Matt sends Reby to the compound. Decay hide behind the Dilapidated Boat!

Jeff dropkicks the boat to send some into the water!

Senor Benjamin comes for the boat, as Matt is alone in the woods. He has his taser and JOSEPH PARK comes out of the water!

Park says Donde Esta Mi Hombre Chris! BENJAMIN TASERS HIM!

Senor Benjamin puts Park in a bulldozer shovel and brings bim towards the graves.

The Obsolete Mule is on the dock and Steve attacks him from the water! He goes to shove his face in the flames and NERO brawls his way out of it, he its a Twist of Fate into the Pool!

Matt stalks Rosemary as Oh My God I think Nero just killed Crazzy Steve.

NO STEVE comes out of the water and grabs Nero!

Benjamin is buying Park but ABYSS comes out of the grave and chokes him!

Steve is strangling Nero with a floaty toy!

Rosemary draws Matt Hardy and Abyss attacks him! Abyss has JANICE!

ABYSS SWINGS IT AT MATT AND NERO PUSHES HIM ASIDE! HE TAKES JANICE IN THE GUTS!

JANICE YOU BITCH!

Matt is being stalked by Decay- VANGUARD ONE IS FIRING ROCKETS AT DECAY!!!

The Hardy Symbols light up across the battlefield, surrounding Decay!

Inside the house, Rosemary has beaten down Reby and Vanguard One OH NO ROSEMARY SPITS RED MIST INTO VANGUARD ONE!! Maxell is crawling away!

Oh no, Matt Hardy!

She goes to spit green mist and Matt swallows IT!

HE SPITS THE MIST BACK IN HER FACE!

Rosemary runs away shrieking as Matt recovers his son.

Nero is still down as Decay stands over him and Senor Benjamin. Decay leave the Hardy compound. King Maxell is safe.

Thanks for reading everyone, please leave your comments in the section below, check out Csonka’s Impact Review and we will all see you next time. This is Aaron saying so long, and good night. Always be a fan.

Vanguard 1, 2016-2016.
Gone but not forgotten.