411’s WWE RAW Report 3.12.18

Keep Refreshing For The Latest Results
Guess who is back mother fucker! I just had surgery on an umbilical hernia and I’m all drugged up on Norco, so youll have to excuse me if there is a five star match with AJ Lee in the report.

Let’s go!

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RAW starts with a new video package that I don’t get to see because my girlfriend cancelled DirecTV and I now have to watch a stream from the UK. So I’m sitting here on a couch, drugged up, with no pants on, watching an episode of RAW with commercials for products I know nothing about. Oh,it’s gonna be a good one….

We start RAW with Poppa Kurt doing Poppa Kurt things like struggling to put his hands in the air. He thanks Detroit for the warm welcome and says he is honored to be able to compete at Mania with Ronda. They will be competing against the Commish and COO, Trips and Steph, just in case you were wondering. Angle will not be sorry for what he does to HHH. Speaking of Mania, he wants to talk Brock vs Reigns. Angle says he was just told Brock would not make it here tonight.

It appears that Roman Reigns is not happy about Brock not showing up. What’s the over/under on Reigns calling Brock a punk bitch tonight? Coach calls Reigns “beloved” by the sports entertainment community.

Reigns wishes he was surprised; but he’s not. He said this a couple of weeks ago – Brock doesn’t respect Reigns, the company, or anyone here in Detroit. He doesn’t even respect those watching around the world. He feels like everyone can relate. Brock didn’t show up for work today. Or last week. What are the consequences? What kind of penalty for Brock will there be? OF course, there isn’t one, because he’s Vince’s boy. Angle tries to take the mic away. Reigns asks Detroit what would happen if they didn’t show up…

What would happen to Angle if he didn’t show up? They’d fire him. They’d fire Reigns, too. It’s not fair. Angle is just a middle man. The real problem is Vince. The man that he just walked past and vince didn’t even have the courtesy to let Reigns know what was happening. Instead, Angle had to say it live on TV. Reigns busts his ass for Vince. He’s not home a majority of the year for him. He will not be disrespected by Vince McMahon.

Reigns slaps the mic back in the hands of Angle and leaves the ring.

Reigns heads to the backstage area where Vince is near Gorilla. He gets in the face of McMahon. Shane is nearby. Vince removes the headset, he wants to take Roman to the side. He said let’s go talk. Reigns and Vince walk away as we go to commercial.

23andme.co.uk is the advertisement I’ve never heard of this break.

Renee Young is outside Mr. McMahon’s office. She says things got loud, but things have settled down. Reigns heads out of the office. Renee wonders what happened, but Reigns walks away. Mr. McMahon is out shortly after. He wants to bring us up to speed. Brock is not his “boy.” He’s not Heyman’s boy either. Brock has certain freedoms, and he’ll get to that, but Brock has earned most of those freedoms. Brock can get a little out of line, but he assures that Brock will be here next week, and he assures that he will fight come Mania against Reigns. He gives his word that Brock will be here. One other thing – the word of respect. Based on what just happened, Reigns has been temporarily suspended.

Match 1: Sonya Deville vs Sasha Banks
Banks with rights to start. Whip into a rollup for 1.. Backslide attempt but Sasha releases and works the arm. Cover from Sasha for 1..2..NO! Sasha sends Sonya to the outside. We are back from a break. We missed a knee to Sasha. Now, Sonya is working the mid sectino with a leg scissors. She scoops the legs and drops her Cover from Sonya for 1..2..NO!!! Sonya sends Sasha into the corner head first. Sonya with kicks to Sasha. Another kick to the chest. Leg scissors again to Sasha. Sasha turns into hold and stands. She backs Sonya into the corner. Snapmare from Sasha. Kick from Sonya! She hits the ropes. Knee to the chest of Sasha. Cover for 1.2…NO!! Kicks from Sonya. Shoulders in the corner. She rushes the corner again, ut Sasha moves. Sasha with a kick. Double kicks and Sasha hops on the apron then hits a high knee. Sasha kicks Sonya away. Knees from the middle ropes. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! mandy tries to get involved, but Bayley knocks her as off.

Backstabber to Sonya. Bank Statement, and Deville taps!

Winner: Sasha Banks

Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Bayley walks away immediately after the match.

Absolution stare down Sasha then hop on the apron. Sasha attacks Mandy. Sonya in. Sasha hits her again. Mandy with a clothesline. Girls attack as Paige makes the rules. Mandy liftys Sasha. Sonya with a high kick to Sasha.

So, Morgan from The Walking Dead is in a new show, and his accent is in full affect.

The Miz is in the middle of the ring, ready to be awesome. He welcomes us to MizTV, and I feel it. So Miztourage have an opportunity tonight which is why they’re not here. He speaks of elevating careers. These guys get opportunity after opportunity. They are the guys Miz will defeat come Mania. Miz introduces Seth Rollins first. Finn is out next, and Miz calls both of them very comfortanble, even though they are in the ring with the guy that took away their singles match. miz calls he and Seth the workhorses of the WWE. They could have burned it down. He tells Finn that he just doesn’t have the accomplishments that either Miz or Seth have. Isn’t Finn always in his way?

Seth wonders how stupid Miz thinks they are. Seth is aware of what he’s trying to do. it’s a Triple Threat, deal with it. Miz is just trying to get the truth. The truth, Finn is the man…in bingo halls. Don’t get Miz wrong, Finn’s WWE resume is lacking but he does have ONE thing. Two years ago, Finn was the first ever Universal Champion. That is a huge accomplishment. Maybe Miz should be talking to Finn. Maybe he’s the one that deserves the one-on-one match at Mania. Finn has proven that he’s better than Seth, why should he have to do it again?

Finn says that Miz literally JUST TRIED this technique with Seth. He’ll have to try a lot harder. Miz takes offense, claims that this title is his and he made it what it is. Finn is acting like Miz is the bad guy. Is Miz the bad guy here? Crowd seems to think so. Amazing. Admit it, Seth resents Finn. Every time he comes along, Finn tries to one-up Seth. And does Finn really trust Seth? He is gonna stab him in the back; just ask The Shield.

Seth tells Miz to shut up. Seth doesn’t need to be fired up. It’s the IC Title. It’s Mania. They’re already fired up. Want the truth? Seth is gonna beat Miz and take the title and he’s sorry Finn, but he doesn’t stand a chance. Finn brings up the last time they had a championship match. Oh yeah, Finn beat him with one arm.

Miz is all instigating in the middle of the convo. It’s great.

Seth says in 4 weeks, he’s going to stomp Finn on his way to the title. Finn doesn’t want to wait, says let’s go now. Miz stands, all smiles. Miz encourages the YES chants. Seth tosses the mic. He gets in rthe face of Finn. They jaw jack, then turn to The Miz. Miz tries to escape the ring. Seth toses him into a right hand by Finn. Finn clotheslnies Miz to the outside. Finn with a right hand to the face of Finn. Finn is out! Seth leaves.

Idris Elba created a sitcom? Sick.

Cesaro and Sheamus make their entrance, and Bo and Axel attack before the match even begins! Sheamus and Cesaro try to get back their mindset. They are able to concentrate and set up for the match. Cesaro and Sheamus get on the apron. They enter and attack! Sheamus gets Bo in the corner. Cesaro stomps Axel in the corner. Wilder and Dawson are here and they rush the ring. They attack Cesaro and Sheamus. Sheamus and Cesaro fight back. In come Bo and Axel. They team with Revivla to attack Cesaro and Shemaus.

Here come Anderson and Gallows! Thwy attack Sheamus and Cesaro on the outside of the ring. Cesaro and Sheamus are at the bottom of the ramp, but here come TItus and APollo along with Heath and Rhyno. They grab Sheamus and Cesaro and send them int othe ring. Now all the teams attack Cesaro and Sheamus. Everyone continues to attack until Cesaro slips out and leaves through the crowd. Sheamus sneaks back up the ramp.

John Cena is out here next. He forgets he’s sad and says hello to Coach then says we never give up.

We are less than four weeks, and Cena has found his road. Ah, no wonder he’s so happy. It’s not the ideal path, it’s different, but if he’s brave enough to stand out here then he is brave enough to face the truth. He gave 100% last night and didn’t get the job done. No excuses, and no one to blame except himself. Loud Undertaker chant. Cena is here tonight to tell us that he will not contribute to Mania this year. This doesn’t mean that he quit or that he is walking away. It doesn’t mean that he’ll miss it. He is going to be there; he just won’t have a match. He has felt the energy, but this year he gets to BE the energy. This year, he will be going as a fan. He’s not going to Mania with a boo boo face, he’s going to have a blast. He’s excited just like us, fired up just like us, he may be sitting next to one of us. Cena gets hops into the crowd to kick it with sasquatch, and this is apparently too much for UK to handle, cuz the feed goes out. Cena starts a chant with some people. Well, he tries to start a LETS GO ROMAN chant, but the fns aren’t down.

Cena hops back into the ring. He says there is something to address, though, and it’s one they can’t do at Mania. Let’s get it out of their system now. He starts the dueling chant, and he crowd proudly obliges. The only time he’d hear that is if right now he did something he wasn’t supposed to do. Like what’s the worst that can happen? If he did what he wasn’t supposed to do? He’s gonna buy a ticket.

Fuck it, since it’s not going to change anything….

“I challenge The Undertaker to a match at Wrestlemania.”

Crowd goes wild. YES Chants galore. Cena was told that this was impossible, even though the fan in him wants to see it, and he accepted it. Never asked why. Why? Cuz of the WWE Execs? No, they’d shut his mic off, and just like ROman, he’d be suspended. SO, he challenges again.

He says it three times, and in a mirror, so it’s true now.

Mic is still on. Cena is still there. It’s not the WWE, and it’s none of us that is stopping us from happening. There is one individual keeping it from happening, and that’s The Undertaker. So allow him to address Taker hisself.

Get over your own ego…..

The difference between Taker and Cena, is that when Cena fails, he gets up and goes to work the next day. Taker hides his head in the sand, embarrassed. A symbol so strong is really so fragile. Stop hiding behind your lame excuses. Taker is not too old, he’s not washed up or broken down, because if he was broken down, he wouldn’t be posting workout videos on his wife’s Insta. The only person stopping this match from happening is The Undertaker. Cena calls him a self-centered, conceited, ego-maniac. So if it takes feeding his ego, let’s have Cena try his best. He asks the crowd. The crowd wants it.

Cena tells Taker that if he was Taker, he’d want one more match.

Backstage, The Bar is upset with Angle. They claimed they were looking for competition, they just wanted someone to step up. They don’t feel safe on RAW if management doesn’t support them. They hear of rumors of a Superstar Shakeup after Mania. They want to be traded. They bring up the Brothers, or New Day, or even The Usos. They’ll even take on those idiots Breezango. Because they know when they’re not wanted.

Angle says there’s no way they’re trading them. There will be a RAW tag team battle royal tonight to find out who the opponents are. Yay.

Elias is here to play some instruments, but stops and says this is our fault, then walks out of the ring. He is all neckbraced up.

Backstage, Braun talks words. Words show up on the screen while Braun cuts his promo. He isn’t going to beg and plead for a path, he’s going to find his own. Someone is going to get these hands.

Match 3: Finn Balor vs Seth Rollins
Lockup to start. Finn is backed into the ropes. Break. Another lockup in the middle of the ring. Finn works the left arm. Seth spins out of it and works the arm of Finn. finn is down to a knee. He stands and turns into the hold, flips the arm, and locks it up behind Seth. Seth turns into the ghold, Finn works the wrist in front of Seth. Seth spins, kips up right ino a hard right hand. Seth backs Ginn inot the ropes. Hops over. Finn with a clothesline. Chop to Finn. Snapmare and a kic kto the back of Finn. He sends Finn into the corner. Left hands to the face of Finn. He stomps Finn down. Seth with the head. Chop to Finn. Another chop to Finn. Whip to the ropes. Fin reversesd and ducks. Seth goes for a rollup but Finn hits a kick to the face. Finn sends Seth to the outside. Seth stands near the barricade. Diving dropkick through the ropes to Seth! Finn on te apron. He runs with a kick to the face and shoulder of Seth!

We are back, and Seth has a cravat locked in on Finn. Finn stands and turns into the hold then hits a few uppercuts to the gut. Headbutt from Finn. Rollins with a running knee to the face. Cover for 1..2..NO! Finn with a cravat from behind yet again. finn tries to spin into it but Seth seats him. He releases the hold and cinches the head. Finn with a right elbow. Anotrher. He goes for a third but Seth catches him and sends Finn into the corner headfirst. Seth dives off the corner and rolls through. Balor with a right. Another. Whip to the ropes. Reversed. Forearm to the face from Finn. High chop to the chest from Finn. Whip to the corner and another chop. A third is rejected but Finn jumps over and eats a boot. Seth goes to the top rope. Jump up kick to the head. Finn grabs the head and drops an elbow to the chest of Finn. Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Rollins wants a Slingblade, Finn grabs him for the 1916, but Seth blocks with a knee. Balor fights back with rights and lefts. Seth with a spinning back hand. Over head kick from Finn. Finn drps Seth with one final hit, and bth men are down!

Seth up first. He goes for a stomp. Balor moves and rolsl u pSeth. 1..2..NO!!! Finn clips the legs. Stomp to the chest! Slingblade! Superkick from Seth! Pin for 1..2….NO!!!! Finn is struggling in the corner. Seth is up on his feet. He rushes the cornewr with a hard forearm. Seth backs up. He rushes the corner again, and hits another one. Seth with a third attempt, but Balor moves and hits a high swinging kick from the apron to the face! Balor to the top rope! Seth is up! He clips the legs. Seth grabs the head. He locks the arm. Balor wants the superplex. Balow elbows Seth off the corner. Seth tumbles. He rushes the corner, locks the head again, SUPERPLEX FROM SETH! Into a…NO!!!

Balor locks the second roll into a pin for 1..2…3!!!!

Winner: Finn Balor
Finn blocking the Falcon Arrow was a nice touch
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: ***

They do a video package for Moolah, and I spend an entire minute and a half wondering why, until it becomes clear….this year, we’ll have a Fabulous Moolah Battle Royal.

I think I told you guys a few weeks ago about my new podcast that has nothing to do with wrestling but I still pimp cuz I have a platform that i like to exploit, riiiiight? Well heres’ this week’s episode:

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Asuka is in the ring with Charley! She brings up Asuka’s presence at Fastlane. We get stills from last night of the moment. Charley wants to know why Charlotte?

Before Asuka can answer, Alexa and Mickie James are out. Alexa says asuka’s English isn’t that great so she’ll help. Asuka is a fierce competitor, and though she doesn’t speak the language that well, she is very smart. Let’s not forget her streak. Mickie wonders how she keeps that going. Alexa sas because she’s very smart and wouldn’t want to risk facing Alexa come Mania. Mickie claims that no one is ready for Asuka. Alexa says that two weeks ago, she defeated five superstars and a future hall of famer. She redefined what it means to be champion. Asuka wouldn’t dare step in the ring with Alexa, because she can’t beat her – so why try. Some may call it cowardly, but if it’s a fight you know you can’t win, it’s called strategy, and Alexa will be rooting for Asuka. She also applauds Asuka for choosing the chmapion of the B show.

Asuka says she chose Charlotte because, to be the woman, you’ve got to beat the woman. She wants to face the best champion in the WWE!!!

Alexa calls this a language barrier thing. What Asuka is trying to say is that she wanted to face the easier champ, so she chose Charlotte.

Asuka says she beat Alexa once, and she can do it again. Right now.

Alexa tells her to dream on. She had the chance, and didn’t choose her. YOu can go against someone else tonight, someone with unfinished business. This woman….

Alexa presents…..

NO ONE.

Mickie takes this pause as a chance to cheap shot Asuka with a kick. Mickie then says that she is ready for her.

Match 4: Mickie James vs Asuka
I come to the match with Asuka kicking the post hard. I missed some stuff before that, but you try rushing from the restroom to the living room with a gaping hole in your stomach.

Anyways, Asuka is up at the count of 6 and rolls into the ring. Mickie attacks the leg that Asuka hurt, pulling it against the ropes. Mickie drags Asuka into the corner and wraps her leg around the ringpost. Mickie makes her cower away in the corner. She wraps Asuka’s leg around the rpes but ASuka pushes her away. Mickie kicks the knee. Micie goes for the DDT ut Asuka with a backstabber type move. Mickie rolls into a pin and gets a1…2…NO!!! Asuka with a kick to the side of the head! Mickie with a right hand Asuka gets one. Back hand from Asuka. Another. A right hand. Mickie hits the corner. Butt splash from ASuka. Mickie shoves her away, Asuka with a knee to the face. Cover for 1..2…NO!! Asuka with another kick, but Mickie clips the leg. Flapjack to Asuka! Mickie goes to the top rope. Asuka is up! She climbs to the top. Mickie looks for a sunset flip, hits it into a powerbomb! Pin for 1.2…NO!!! Another cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Mickie waits for ASuka, goes for the Mick Kick, but Asuka ducks and hops on Mickie from the back!

She wants the Asuka Lock. MIckie reaches for Aliexa. The lock is in! Mickie taps!

Winner: Asuka
I feel like when Mickie is under a lot of pressure, she under performs. Tonight was no different
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *1/2

Alexa Bliss is very upset. She storms off to the back.

Michael Cole doesn’t understand Matt Hardy, and Corey tries to explain it. Tonight, we’ll get an Ultimate Deletion Preview.

Backstage, Nia Jax is staring at herself in the mirror. Alexa comes up, wonders where the hell she was. Kurt told her not to come out, Nia has a match next. Alexa says she did this for Nia. She set it up because Nia wanted payback. Alexa tells her not to sulk anymore, stop feeling sorry for herself. She is better than that and she is Alexa’s best friend. She was there last week picking up the pieces. She did that cuz she loves Nia. Nia loves her too, and gives her a hug. Alexa says she’s got tough love. She needs Nia’s word that she’ll be in her corner next week when Alexa faces Asuka. Nia says ok. Alexa then tells her to go show the world what Alexa already knows.

Nia has a squash match. I am told it was short and painless. The end.

Backstage, Alexa and Mickie are chattin shit up. Nia is in the ring, and they show up on screen. Ah, so this is one of those “OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE HER” things. Mickie can’t believe what Alexa said to Nia. Alexa says the truth hurts, and that was Alexa being nice. She could have been a lot harder. Mickie brings up Nia being an outcast? Mickie almost died last week when she brought up the airport. Alexa says it’s like watching Shrek walking through TSA. She says Nia needs to be coddled. The truth is, Alexa uses Nia. She uses her because Nia is a vulnerable human being. Look at Nia, and look at Alexa. Can’t believe she screwed them tonight. Alexa says next week, Nia will be out there right where they want hre. Nia grew up a loser and is so desparate and needy. She is easily manipulated, and she is just as dumb as she is big. She’s also very gullible. Alexa would love herself too if she looked like Nia. NIa worships Alexa cuz she makes her relevant. Next week, Nia will do their heavy lifting, and they get all the glory, and if Nia decides to think for herself, they’ll just have to beat the hell out of her.

They then turn to talking shit to Charley.

Charley walks in, says she’s sorry for being late, and just so Alexa’s aware, the mic has been on the entire time, and everyone has heard everything that has been said.

Nia lumbers towards the back. Maybe “lumbers” is a bad word to use considering…

Nia stops in the middle of the ramp, wipes away a single tear, then rushes to the back.

Backstage, Alexa and Mickie pack quickly to leave. They leave through the back. Charley calls the interview off. Next week, Alexa vs Asuka, and Charley feels like Nia might not be down to help. In comes Nia who throws a bunch of shit around. Nia rips open a suitcase then grabs a jacket. She tosses the jaket then rips off the cover of a suitcase and screams loudly. Nia tosses the mic stand that was on and leaves.

Video package of The Great War up next.

Wyatt has his own promo after, calling Matt a liar and a ooll. He says Matt is just a man. Wyatt knows matt can hear him. He wants to give him some advice. When the devil is standing on the door step, you should never let him in. Wyatt accepts the invitation to The Ultimate Deletion. Matt has such a beautiful home and family. Seems to Wyatt like it’d be a real shame if something bad were to happen to them. A real shame. Wyatt is coming for Matt. RUN.

Last week. Angle asks himself what the hell happened to Matt. Angle tells a nearby ref that he is the ref for the Ultimate Deletion Match next week. The ref wonders if he did something wrong. The ref’s job is to make sure they both get back to RAW in one piece.

In case you were wondering, The Final Deletion Match will be happening next week on RAW.

So all the tag teams are in the middle of the ring. Sheamus and Cesaro come out to join the commentary team. All the tag teams are questioning the ref. Braun gets in the ring and stares everyone down. Braun shouts for the ref to ring the bell!

Match 5: Tag Team Battle Royal for The Number One Contendership
Titus Worldwide vs The Miztourage vs The Revival vs Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows vs Heath Slater and Rhyno vs Braun Strowman
Braun sends Apollo over th top rope! Heath hops on Braun’s back and he tosses him down. Braun chases Heath out of the ring and shoves him into the barricade. Braun sends Heath back in just to send him over the top rope. Braun turns around to see everyone staring at him. They all attack Braun and try to send him over the top rope. Braun isn’t going easy, though. As they try, Revival grabs Rhyno and sends him over th top rope. Titus knocks them down and they roll to the outside. Titus goes back to Brain, but Braun is already knocking everyone down. Everyone leaves the ring.

Titus enters and goes face to face with Braun. Titus then thinks better of it and leaves the ring. ok….

We are back after a break, and everyone is beating up on Braun. They beat him down in the middle of the ring, but Braun explodes and everyone goes flying. Anderson kicks the back of the knee. Big Boot from Titus. Gallows hits a kick as well, and Strowman goes through the middle ropes to the outside. They all send him into the ring steps. In the ring, Titus and Gallows are going at it, while The Revival grab the steps and attack Braun with it. Axel and Dallas slap Strowman in the left arm with the steps. They and The Revival grab the bottom steps and truck Strowman down into the barricade.

Back in the ring, Titus and knocking everyone down with big boots. He sends Dash in the corner with a hard chop then a toss into the middle of the ring. Titus barks and hits a splash in the corner then Clash of the Titus. Axel works Titus over then Bo hits some knees to the face. The Revival, Bo, and Axel all try to lift Titus but can’t so just go with attacking each other. Bo sends one of The Revival over the top ropes. Axel eliminates the other. Gallows with a right to Axel. Titus just trucks Anderson down. Titus looks to send Gallows over the top. Braun is in the ring!!! Braun sends Titsu over! Gallows with a kick. Another kick. Braun sends Gallows over. Axel and Bo are trying to eliminate Bo and Axel. Braun with a powerslam. Another one to Bo. Braun sends Axel to the outside. Bo is next. Anderson rushes, hits a kick to the knee. Anderson with a kick to the face. Anderson with another kick right to the head. Anderson hits the ropes, goes for another kick, but Braun cartches him and pushes orward.

Braun catches him and screams I’M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!! then tosses Anderson over the top rope to the outside!!!

Winner: Braun Strowman
Welp…
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **

End Show