wrestling / Video Reviews
Memphis Wrestling (3.31.1984) Review
Image Credit: Memphis Wrestling
Loading...-Originally aired March 31, 1984.
-Your host is Dave Brown.
-Jimmy Hart is out here, distraught because the Dream Machine, one half of HIS Fabulous Ones, got his ankle broken in a match with Jackie Fargo’s Fabulous Ones. But good news! Jimmy Hart has signed THE guy who will get rid of Jerry Lawler once and for all: former Price is Right contestant Ox Baker. We watch clips of Ox in the movie Escape from New York with Kurt Russell, who was in 3,000 Miles to Graceland with Christian Slater, who was in Murder in the First with Kevin Bacon.
-We get words from Ox, who likes to hurt people.
-A one-night tournament was held in Memphis for the Southern Tag Team Title. It comes down to two babyface teams, the New Fabulous Ones against Norvell Austin & Stagger Lee. There is a pronounced lack of enthusiasm in the Mid-South Coliseum for everything the Fabs do. Tommy surprises the entire building by just abruptly yanking the mask off Stagger Lee, and Lance Russell, on commentary, is like, “Oh yeah, it’s Koko Ware, everybody knew that, who gives a shit” and blows right past it. The New Fabulous Ones win, but Norvell and, uh, Koko, I guess, have a “change of attitude” after the match and bludgeon the new champs.
-And with that, Dave Brown introduces the team that now wants to be known as the PYTs, Norvell Austin & Koko Ware, now with Eddie Murphy red leather, glitter, Michael Jackson gloves, and hair glitter.
-The New Fabulous Ones are out here next. Tommy Rich has been the NWA World Heavyweight Title, but winning the Tag Team Title in his home area is an even better feeling. He also wants to make it clear that they aren’t here to replace Stan & Steve. The name “Fabulous Ones” belongs to Jackie Fargo, and they want to do their own thing under that name while Stan & Steve travel around to other areas, and he makes a painfully awkward analogy about all the men that his mother dated after Dad walked out on her, and it’s worse than I can make it sound. The analogy here is that the Fabulous Ones are your dad who went out for cigarettes one day and never came back, the New Fabulous Ones are Mom’s new boyfriend…which makes…Eddie Marlin the mom, I guess? And all the fans are the kids whose moms are having sex with the New Fabulous Ones. This whole gimmick is DYING. Honestly, there’s nothing you can do EXCEPT have someone turn heel at this point.
RICK RUDE (with Jimmy Hart) vs. JOHNNY WILHOIT
-Rude attacks before the bell, stun-gunning Wilhoit and tossing him to the concrete. Rude follows him out there, but Wilhoyt surprises everyone by whipping Rude shoulder-first into the post. Back in the ring, Wilhoyt throws a dropkick that knocks Rude to the floor, and Rude retreats to the commentary table, demanding a REAL opponent because he has better things to do than fight this butterball. So Dave Brown pushes back, noting that Rude has kind of been getting his ass kicked, but now here’s Austin Idol! If Rick Rude wants real competition, Idol would be happy to have a match with him. So Wilhoyt cheerfully leaves the ring, and Rude gets knocked around by Idol and decides to take off.
-Monday night at the Coliseum: Jerry Lawler & JJ Dillon battle Joe LeDuc & Jimmy Hart. Last week at the Coliseum: Lawler & LeDuc battled one-on-one until Jimmy Hart ran in for a DQ, but JJ Dillon surprised everyone by making things equal, blinding Jimmy Hart with powder and producing a foreign object.
-JJ Dillon says Boogie Jam is coming. I hate that, but all you have to do is close your other nostril with your finger and blow real hard. Wait, it turns out Boogie Jam just means Jimmy Valiant is headlining the card. But he’s ready for Jimmy Hart on that card too.
-In the studio, Joe LeDuc is setting up the table and candles again, so either he wants to arm wrestle or he’s made a great big plate of spaghetti for the stray dogs that he saw outside the studio.
-Jerry Lawler is out here and actually concedes that he can’t win. Joe LeDuc IS stronger than him. Besides, Lawler wants nothing to do with open flames in an arm wrestling match. That’s just idiotic…But then just as quickly, Lawler grabs a seat and agrees to the match. LeDuc locks hands with him, but the moment Lawler’s arm starts to go down, Lawler throws a fireball in LeDuc’s face, and LeDuc does an INCREDIBLE sell for it, flying backwards out of his chair and tumbling over the commentary table.
-We get a Jimmy Valiant music video to hype his return to the area.
-Joe LeDuc is out here with towel covering his head because of the burns. Instead of his usual gutteral growling, he’s just doing some high-pitched Terry Funk-style wailing about his plight and pledges to kill the King.
-Pre-taped words from Randy Savage. There’s no instant replay in pro basketball. If Eddie Marlin was in charge of the NCAA, he’d make the teams come back to the court two hours after the fans had gone home and reset the clocks. But now, Eddie Marlin is demanding he fork over the $5,000 from the battle royal? NOT HAPPENING!
-Dutch Mantell has an idea: put that $5,000 on a pole and he’ll fight the Macho Man for it on Monday night.
