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Crust Review
Image Credit: Anchor Bay Entertainment
Loading...Crust Review
Sean Whalen– Vegas
Daniel Roebuck– Russ
Rebekah Kennedy– Nila
Felissa Rose– Laura
Alan Ruck– Randy
William Gabriel Grier– Agent Bynes
(check out the rest of the cast here)
Directed by Sean Whalen
Screenplay by Jim Wald and Sean Whalen, based on a story by Sean Whalen
Distributed by Anchor Bay Entertainment
Not Rated
Runtime– 101 minutes
Crust will be available on all major Video On Demand platforms starting November 12th, 2024 and DVD and Blu-ray on December 10th, 2024
Crust, directed by and starring Sean Whalen (he also co-wrote the screenplay with Jim Wald), and set to hit Video on Demand platforms November 12th, 2024, and then DVD and Blu-ray December 10th, 2024, is a bizarre, heartfelt horror-comedy that is also one of the best new movies I’ve seen this year. Featuring a top notch cast, not to mention a monster that will warm the audience’s heart despite what it does, Crust is a movie that will move you, make you laugh, make you cringe (in a good way), and make you want to see it again.
Whalen stars as Vegas, a former child sitcom star who owns and operates a laundromat somewhere in Los Angeles and is dealing with a serious case of depression and relentless self-doubt. Vegas spends his days working in his laundromat alongside his best friend Russ (Daniel Roebuck), dealing with the occasional annoying customer, and, when he feels the need to, masturbates in a backroom. Vegas also seems to live in his laundromat, as he has a growing pile of socks on the floor that he uses to “finish.” Vegas starts to become more depressed after watching an entertainment news show where he finds out that the sitcom he starred in back in the 1990’s, Baker’s Dozen, is set to get some sort of reboot, and there are questions as to whether or not he will participate in that reboot (from the media, not Vegas. Vegas doesn’t want to do it). As the news show hosts explain, Vegas is one of only two Baker’s Dozen cast members who are still alive, as just about everyone else is dead. The only other cast member who is alive is Randy (Alan Ruck), and Randy is still working in Hollywood and is a star. On top of all of that, Vegas also has to deal with his ex-girlfriend Laura (Felissa Rose), who is still somehow in his life but can’t deal with his ongoing emotional issues. Vegas’s life is a mess.
So, one day, after four young people come into the laundromat and start messing around with him, one of the young people records Vegas masturbating and puts the video online. The video causes a stir, and suddenly Vegas is the number one story in entertainment media. Paparazzi park themselves outside of the laundromat, and Vegas’ somewhat peaceful life (yes, he was miserable but his life was somewhat peaceful) is upended. It’s at this point that Vegas gets an e-mail from Randy with a proposition to be a part of the Baker’s Dozen sitcom reboot, a new woman comes into his life (Nila, played by Rebekah Kennedy), and the sock pile in his backroom comes alive.
Yes, that’s what I said. The sock pile comes alive. And the sock pile starts attacking people. Eating some of them.
Vegas eventually finds out about the sock monster, realizes that he isn’t imagining things and the sock monster is real, and then names the sock monster Crust. While all of that happens, Vegas also grows closer to Nila, Laura ends up in an insane asylum (Crust attacks her new boyfriend and Laura ends up taking the fall for it), a paranormal investigator named Agent Bynes (William Gabriel Grier) starts sniffing around (Agent Bynes somehow knows about Crust the sock monster), and Vegas’s life starts to change for, maybe, the better. And while all of that happens, Vegas and Crust become best friends. In fact, Vegas starts to become closer to Crust than anyone else in life, including Nila and Russ. Is that a good thing? Should someone become best friends with a sock monster that eats people?
One of the best things about Crust is that it constantly surprises you. Even when you think you know what’s going to happen, the movie surprises you by not doing what you expect it to. Heartfelt comedies, at least in my experience, rarely do the unexpected. Of course, no other heartfelt comedy I’m aware of has a pile of socks that is somehow alive at the center of it. The presence of Crust makes Crust unpredictable. The movie’s ending may be the most surprising thing about Crust, although, when you think about it, the ending makes total sense. Will audiences accept what happens? That’s a good question. Some people may not like the ending. Some people may object to it out of hand. I love it.
Another great thing about Crust is that, when it dips itself into “horror movie” territory, it doesn’t feel out of place doing so. Crust really doesn’t become a horror movie until the sock monster appears, and while Crust the sock monster is weird as hell, it still seems to fit into what’s happening around it. What we see up until that point is mostly comedy and, to a degree, Hollywood satire (the two Hollywood TV show hosts are exceptional at this). How do you fit a sock monster into all of this? Crust figures out how to and does it brilliantly. It also helps that Crust is mostly a black and white movie (there’s only one moment in the whole movie that isn’t in black and white). The lack of color throughout somehow makes Crust seem otherworldly, and what better place for a pile of socks to come alive and start attacking people and strike up an enduring friendship with someone? The opening caption for the movie also helps give the movie a timeless quality to it, whimsical, even.
What’s the deal with everything being labeled? Damned if I know, but’s a detail that makes what you’re watching inherently funny. Because who the heck labels everything? It’s ridiculous.
Crust is deliberately paced, but it never feels slow. The movie uses its time wisely, and you enjoy spending time with the movie’s characters, even the ones you don’t really like all that much. The movie’s melancholy, expressed through Vegas’s inability to figure out what he wants, never feels overwhelming. It’s just part of what’s happening, and you go with it.
And then there are the performances. There isn’t one “off” or bad performance throughout Crust. Sean Whalen really is the heart and soul of the movie as Vegas. Vegas has clearly had a rough life as fame didn’t treat him well. He’s stuck in this sort of perpetual neutral as he doesn’t know how to proceed with his life or what he really wants. The only thing Vegas sort of knows is that owning the laundromat and being as anonymous as possible almost feels right. Almost. His life starts to change, though, when both Crust and Nila become a part of it. Is it for the good or for the bad, though? Whalen is perfect as Vegas. Whalen can be wacky, he can be emotionally raw, and he can be befuddled by everything happening in front of him. It’s a performance to behold. And when you realize that he also directed the movie, it makes you appreciate Whalen’s performance even more. Just great stuff all around.
Rebekah Kennedy is terrific as Nila. Nila seems to come out of nowhere, striking up a friendship with the sad sack Vegas that eventually grows into something more. At first, you think Nila might be a sort of celebrity stalker. You think there has to be some sort of ulterior motive for her interest in Vegas (that mostly has to do with the whole “former Hollywood star” thing and the fact that the movie takes place in Los Angeles. Show business is, after all, built on a foundation of bullshit). And while Nila’s relationship with Vegas isn’t completely on the up and up (there’s a flashback story that explains all of this), you can see that Vegas and Nila do have a chemistry that you can’t fake. On some level and in some way, Vegas and Nila do belong together. And it’s obvious that Kennedy likes working with Whalen, and when they are together they make a kind of cinematic magic. It also helps that Kennedy’s screen presence is infectious. You can’t not like her. You just can’t.
Daniel Roebuck is hilarious as Russ. Always seen with a beer in his hand, even when he’s working, Roebuck makes Russ a profane, lovable drunk and almost pervert. Russ has ongoing “I would bang that hot babe over there” energy that, in real life, would be exhausting and offensive to be around, but in a movie is fun to watch. Roebuck also gets to cuss like a pro, something that we don’t get to see all that much from him (the man truly has a way with swear words). Roebuck owns every scene that he’s in. If and when there’s ever a Crust 2, Roebuck as Russ just has to happen again. Much like Whalen as Vegas, Roebuck as Russ is perfect. Just perfect.
Felissa Rose does her usual outstanding job as Laura, Vegas’s former girlfriend. Rose makes Laura loud and mean, but at the same time you sort of sympathize with her. Sort of. You would think that, if she couldn’t be around Vegas anymore because his problems were too overwhelming for her to deal with, she would just go away and be done with him. But Laura can’t stay away and seems to need to show Vegas that she knows how to be “successful at life” as opposed to him. That seems like a real jerk move on her part. Rose knows exactly how to make Laura funny and dramatic and straddle that line between the two. You get to see why she’s a modern genre legend.
And then there’s Alan Ruck as Randy. While Ruck’s appearance in the movie is best described as limited (he really only has one scene), Ruck makes the most of it and shows everyone just how goofy and funny he can be. Ruck’s Randy is a true blue Hollywood asshole and you don’t like him or trust him at all. You do like watching him, though, especially with his fake hair. I think you will laugh quite a bit at what happens to Randy. I know I did, even if it is kind of messed up.
The Crust sock monster is nothing short of a great special effect. I’m going to assume that Crust is some sort of physical puppet as it doesn’t appear as though any CGI was used in its creation. Crust, despite its nasty origins (crusty socks? That’s gross, man), is a whimsical creature that you can’t help but smile at and root for. Will Crust be making appearances at future horror conventions? I think it’s possible. I bet horror movie fans would want to get their picture taken with it.
Crust is a great, heartfelt horror comedy. It’s weird, it’s funny, it’s shocking, and it’s unpredictable. It’s one of the best movies of 2024, and a phenomenal feature film directorial debut for star Whalen. It’s something that you should absolutely make an effort to see. Crust is very much worth your time.
See Crust. See it, see it, see it. Crust will be available on all major Video On Demand platforms starting November 12th, 2024 and DVD and Blu-ray on December 10th, 2024.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: 5
Explosions: None.
Nudity?: Sort of. Very briefly.
Doobage: Sneezing into a sock, old TV show merchandise. Talk about name changes. Masturbation. Talk of depression. Change machine fixing. A bloody nose. A pile of socks. Four loud idiots. Clandestine filming. A drop of blue liquid. A guy with an obvious wig. Paparazzi hooey. Public gloating. Death by clothes dryer. Dead body eating. A payphone. Oven glove signing. Underwear throwing. A step stool. Laundromat sex. A car attack. Mental hospital hooey. A date in a laundromat. Playful teasing. An arm scar. Forehead kissing. The smallest bribe in movie history. A sock is pulled from someone’s mouth. More masturbation. Bloody eye removal. A potential 10AM phone call that no one wants. Serious booze drinking. A big dance. A conversation. Sock tentacle through the mouth. Sexism. Shit talking. Social media hooey. Compromising photos that we don’t see. Naked ass slapping, A massive stomach wound. A strand of fabric that seems to be “alive.” An attempted apology. Off screen sex. Attempted push-ups. A sock used to enhance penis size. A gross sexy lingerie dance. A big surprise. A messed up ending.
Kim Richards? None.
Gratuitous: Sean Whalen sneezing into a sock. Black and white cinematography. A laundromat. An entertainment news TV show. Daniel Roebuck drinking beer while working in a laundromat. Daniel Roebuck being a hilarious pervert. Sean Whalen masturbating off screen. Sean Whalen’s character masturbating and fantasizing about his TV mom. Felissa Rose being Felissa Rose. “Penny for your thoughts?” A guy wearing a “College” T-shirt. A sock monster. A mention of Matlock. Daniel Roebuck barfing off screen. Sean Whalen masturbating about Felissa Rose. Daniel Roebuck using the “F” word. Generic beer. Generic labels appearing on practically everything. Daniel Roebuck telling Sean Whalen “You need to tap that.” Viral celebrity pervert. Chinese food. A paranormal investigator. Pizza eating. Sean Whalen doing a goofy dance in the laundromat while listening to the song “Rockin’ Robin.” A Flashdance homage. Alan Ruck wearing a bad wig. An entourage of suck ups. Ang Lee’s Young Hook vs. Zombies starring Russell Brand. Weird off screen sex. Sean Whalen wearing a speedo. A splash of color. A mid-credits scene.
Best lines: “Don’t worry, buddy. I got you.” “Do you think I’m stupid, Dusty?” “You know I’ve had issues.” “Fuck you! I don’t know why I said that!” “Excuse me. I know this is a really shitty time, but your change machine is broken.” “Hey, get the fuck out, grandpa!” “What am I doing? What are you doing, bitch?” “Wait, you get pleasure from watching him jerk off?” “To the greatest generation! Gen Z! Amen.” “Hey. Take care of yourself the best you can.” “You need to tap that.” “Fruit pies! I get it, boss! Fruit pies!” “Did you learn anything?” “Don’t say anything about your fucking ex!” “Seriously, what are you doing with me?” “Is that the best I get after I let you treat me to extra rinse cycle?” “Tell me everything you know about homicidal socks.” “You give good laundry.” “Where is the sock monster? I need to see the sock monster!” “Crust? I’ll call you Crust.” “We love you, Randy.” “Remember, I didn’t kill him. Crust did.” “I feel for a loser that has a bodyguard made of socks.” “You told your AA meeting?” “I thought you said you were going to take control of your life?” “I am not a shelter for fucking losers! I told you!” “You ever hear that phrase ‘Be careful when playing Frisbee with knives?’ Let’s just say we weren’t careful.” “Boobies!” “I hope you’re not on a short cycle.” “In the end, love is easy. Power is hard. Who is the shitty actor now?”
