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Guns of Eden Review

September 27, 2022 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz
Guns of Eden Image Credit: Uncork'd Entertainment
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Guns of Eden Review  

Guns of Eden Review

Alexandra Faye Sadeghian– Megan Forest
Bill Kennedy– Sheriff John Preacher
Peter Johnson– Jeremy Scott
Nicole Colon– Gabriella
Dominic Luongo– Blake
Lynn Lowry– Frances
Tim O’Hearn– Caleb
Kim Piazza– Olivia Dahily
Jeff Grenell– Vernon
(check out the rest of the cast here)

Directed by Gregory Lamberson
Screenplay by Gregory Lamberson

Distributed by Uncork’d Entertainment

Runtime– 91 minutes

https://www.facebook.com/GunsOfEden

Image Credit: Uncork’d Entertainment

Guns of Eden, written and directed by Gregory Lamberson and which recently had its world premiere at the Buffalo Dreams Fantastic Film Festival, is a badass low budget action flick. Featuring several top notch performances, multiple brutal hand-to-hand brawls, and tons of wicked firearms, Guns of Eden< moves along at a breakneck pace, rarely letting up once the action begins, which is exactly what you want out of an action movie.

Guns of Eden stars Alexandra Faye Sadeghian as Megan Forest, a badass Buffalo cop suffering from a kind of shell shock after accidentally shooting a fellow officer during a convenience store robbery. Unsure of what she wants to do with her life going forward, Forest agrees to go on a weekend camping trip with her partner Jeremy Scott (Peter Johnson). Along with Jeremy’s friends Blake (Dominic Luongo) and Gabriella (Nicole Colon), Forest heads out to the woods for a little relaxation and self-reflection. Well, she’s going to try to relax and reflect on her life and whatnot. Forest doesn’t come off as much of an outdoors person and isn’t all that keen on hanging out with “regular” people. She’s fine with Jeremy, though. Jeremy is a cop and, on some level, she knows that he knows what she’s going through mentally. If she gets to spend most of her time with him, maybe the weekend won’t be a bummer/total waste.

So Forest, Jeremy, Blake and Gabriella head out to the campsite, set up the tent and other camping paraphernalia, and they attempt to settle in for the weekend. It doesn’t take long, though, for the relaxing camping weekend to turn into a raging nightmare. After accidentally witnessing a summary execution of a drug dealer by a group of local police officers led by the religiously suspect Sheriff John Preacher (Bill Kennedy), Forest, Jeremy, Blake, and Gabriella find themselves on the run from Preacher’s deputies. Forest and Jeremy, despite being fellow cops, know that Preacher can’t afford to let them out of the woods and tell anyone what they saw. But how the heck are they going to get out of the woods when they don’t know the area all that well and are hopelessly outgunned? Forest and Jeremy come up with a plan to split up, each taking a non-cop with them, to see if they can cover more ground and, maybe, find their way back to civilization.

Ha. If only it were that easy. Because Preacher not only has his deputies at his disposal, he also has an army of local bounty hunter groups to send into the woods to look for and eliminate Forest, Jeremy, Blake and Gabriella. With a substantial sum of money on their collective heads, will Forest and her friends make it out of the woods and survive the onslaught of heavily armed killers, or will they find themselves to be the next group of people Sheriff Preacher buries in unmarked graves?

Image Credit: Uncork’d Entertainment

The opening credits to Guns of Eden are a bit misleading in that they’re fairly quiet while being oddly mysterious. We see a clearly exhausted woman, covered in blood and grime and walking through some tall grass in a rural area. Who is she? What happened to her? And what’s the deal with the subtle, tribal sounding opening theme rumbling in the background? The scene then shifts to downtown Buffalo and we see the woman and a man (Forest and Jeremy), cops, running after a purse snatcher. After dealing with the purse snatcher (played by frequent Lamberson player and the movie’s fight choreographer Alexander S. McBryde) we see Forest and Jeremy inside of a convenience store that’s about to get jacked. We then see Forest accidentally shoot a fellow cop responding to a distress alarm at the store. After that opening you just don’t expect to see the plot and story moving along so quickly. And the entire movie is like that. Guns of Eden never lets up. You rarely see that kind of thing in the mega low budget action movie world.

Guns of Eden spends the majority of its running time outside in the woods or in various rural areas, rarely venturing inside for all that long. There are no abandoned warehouse firefights or staged fights on obvious movie sets. Just about all of the action and violence happens among the trees and grass, which gives the movie a big, expansive look and feel. The woods also add an element of danger to the story, as Forest and her friends are clearly not familiar with their surroundings while the bad guys know the ins and outs of the area. Will the good guys get lost while trying to escape the killers? It could very well happen.

Guns of Eden is chock full of action, all of it generally grounded in a world where you don’t want to get shot and you don’t want to get involved in a hand-to-hand brawl with anyone because it just isn’t going to end well for the loser (or even the winner, really). All of the guns used in the movie (and there are tons of guns throughout) have a kind of personality and are weapons that you don’t want to be on the receiving end of. And most of the guns have distinctive sounds and don’t all end up sounding the same, a detail too few action movies even bother with. Big kudos to Chris Cosgrave, the movie’s cinematographer and lead special effects guru, as well as Adam Bloch and Jesse Parker, the movie’s sound designer and sound mixer respectively, for putting in the extra effort. The movie’s fight scenes are hellacious brawls that feel like a struggle is taking place. The audience will definitely be talking about the one-on-one showdown between Forest and bounty hunter Caleb (Tim O’Hearn), which starts out with knives and gets even nastier as it goes along. There’s also a terrific fight featuring Jeremy and the impromptu use of a rock that will make you wince.

Guns of Eden is also one of those rare modern action movies where just about everything has a distinct look and feel to it. The various costumes don’t all look the same and bleed into one another. And while there are, at times, a kind of hyper reality to the costumes (for instance, the blue shirts worn by Sheriff Preacher’s deputies look a little too blue at times), those choices help the audience remember who everyone is (the costumes aren’t just clothes these people are wearing). Even the “regular” clothes worn by most of the bounty hunters have a certain style to them that help them all stand out. You know that these guys are dangerous just by looking at them, and that’s before you see the guns they’re all carrying.

The soundtrack by Armand John Petri and Joe Rozler does a great job making the movie seem epic but also doesn’t overwhelm the proceedings. There’s also a nifty, very hummable theme that plays throughout (too many genre movies, and the genre doesn’t matter, don’t bother with creating any sort of musical theme, which, in my opinion, is always a mistake). It’s too bad that that theme doesn’t also play over the end credits, as the song that is used, while a great song sung by Kim Piazza, feels more like it should be a part of a James Bond type movie instead of a down and dirty action flick that spends most of its time in the woods. I’m also just a sucker for movie themes in general, so when there is one I want to hear it over and over again.

Image Credit: Uncork’d Entertainment

Alexandra Faye Sadeghian is fantastic as Megan Forest. She’s smart and capable and projects a confidence that you need to have when starring in an action movie. You know that as soon as you see her that you don’t want to mess with Megan Forest (and I am counting the opening credits where you see her walking slowly through the tall grass, exhausted by what she’s had to endure. She could jump back into action at any moment and rip your goddamn throat out if she has to). Sadeghian also gives Forest a sort of oddly sarcastic sense of humor that you don’t want to be on the receiving end of but you want to witness from afar. Sadeghian also shows that she has the chops to be a real deal action hero for years on end if she decides to pursue it. I know I want to see more of AFS wiping the floor with bad guys, gouging out eyes and wielding shotguns and whatnot, both in a Guns of Eden sequel and whatever else comes down the pike.

Peter Johnson does an amazing job as Jeremy Scott, Forest’s friend and partner. Johnson is warm and funny but also shows that he, too, can throw down with the best of them when he has to. His hand-to-hand fight against a bad guy in the woods while on the run is a thing of brawling beauty. Much like his co-star Alexandra Faye Sadeghian, Johnson has a definite future in the action movie world if he decides to pursue it (he also has a future in the comedy world because he’s naturally funny).

Dominic Luongo and Nicole Colon do terrific work as Blake and Gabriella, the young couple who ends up stuck smack dab in the middle of a horrendous situation (being pursued by heavily armed lunatics in the woods). Both Luongo and Colon act exactly the way you would expect them to (they’re not cops or ex-military badasses, they’re just regular people who are just trying to survive a situation they had no way to predict they would be in the middle of). It’s so damn sad what happens to them.

Bill Kennedy is the world’s biggest goddamn sleazebag as Sheriff John Preacher. Both a hardcore right wing loon and a raging coward of the highest order, Kennedy gives Preacher the façade of confidence you expect to see from despots and people who want to be despots. Preacher is a big, tough guy as long as he has the upper hand, but as soon as the poop hits the fan and he’s no longer in control Preacher is a gutless lameass. You will boo and hiss this bag of crap as soon as you see him in action, and you will cheer when he gets what he deserves (I wish he got more). Kennedy does a top notch job here and, again, the audience will absolutely hate him, which is what you want in an action movie villain. Preacher is a bad guy. A really, really bad guy.

Tim O’Hearn is superb as Caleb, the big bounty hunter that fights Megan Forest in the movie’s most brutal hand-to-hand fight. O’Hearn knows how to make his natural physical size even bigger than it actually is and he makes Caleb seem like an unstoppable force of sorts. I mean, Caleb certainly believes that he’s always going to win the fight because he’s so gigantic (and there’s good reason to believe that he will win because big dudes really only need to hit you once). But then he never met someone like Megan Forest before. O’Hearn as Caleb could have easily been the movie’s big villain of writer/director Lamberson wanted to go that way. And Jeff Grenell is awesome as Vernon, one of the assembled bounty hunters and the owner of the biggest gun in the movie. Vernon is sleazy, too, but he also comes off as the kind of guy that would readily admit to being sleazy because, hell, what are you going to do about it? Vernon has the biggest gun in town.

Image Credit: Uncork’d Entertainment

Lynn Lowry does a great job as Frances, the old woman that Forest meets in the woods and dispenses some necessary life advice. It’s a smallish part, but Lowry rocks every second of her screen time and is loads of fun to boot. Maybe she will pop up in a Guns of Eden 2 and wield some other type of shotgun? I’m sure she has more important life advice to give.

And Kim Piazza pops in as Olivia Dahily, the local congressperson who is in cahoots with Preacher’s militia and apparently enjoys killing people (she skips out on her government duties as soon as she gets a message from Preacher about the big hunt in the woods). Piazza does a great job as Dahily, but at the same time I wish the movie had done a little more with the character. How did she get involved with Preacher in the first place? Just how many people has she killed in her life and her career in government? And how many more congresspeople are there like Dahily? I want to know.

And be on the lookout for Brooke Lewis Bellas as a kind of parody of Judge Jeanine Pirro, Killer Rack stars Jessica Zwolak and Paul McGinnis as two very different bounty hunters (Zwolak’s Darcy sure knows how to swear, and McGinnis’ Woody sure knows how to slide down a rock), Joseph Fusco (the movie’s assistant editor) as a criminal thug in need of condoms, Adrian Esposito as gang member who is really into Che Guevara, and the great Eugene Bofill as Eduardo Sanchez, the leader of the meth gang who may or may not be named Eduardo Sanchez. Hell, be on the lookout for everyone in this movie. They’re all great.

My only real complaint about Guns of Eden, beyond the song that plays over the closing credits, is that it isn’t gorier. The movie is perfectly fine as it is and it isn’t bloodless at all, but I still would have liked to see more red stuff.

Guns of Eden is a badass low budget action flick. It’s something that action movie fans should seek out when it’s fully unleashed upon the world. And we should absolutely get a sequel. The world deserves at least a Guns of Eden 2 because there’s more to explore in Eden County, and there are way more bad guys for Megan Forest to take out. The world needs to see that. I know I do.

See Guns of Eden. See it, see it, see it!

Image Credit: Uncork’d Entertainment

So what do we have here?

Dead bodies: 49

Explosions: One.

Nudity?: None.

Doobage: A woman walking slowly through weeds and high grass while covered in grime and blood, an oddly ominous opening theme, cops chasing after a purse snatcher, attempted garbage can lid attack, armpit smelling, attempted condom buying, a brief shootout, an accidental shooting, attempted CPR, bar hooey, a black and white flashback, multiple drone shots, attempted small talk, a police raid, a box of meth, a lack of a warrant, campsite hooey, two people seeing something that they shouldn’t have seen, multiple body bags, rock to the head, sunglasses throwing, road block hooey, a brief “bounty hunters arriving at the scene in big trucks” montage, a pep talk, a waterfall, helicopter hooey, rock to the face, rock throwing, a brutal hand-to-hand brawl, serious fucking neck breaking, bushes, friendly fire hooey, dead body searching, mirages, attempted interrogation, religion hooey, multiple bullets to the head, an unexpected nice little chat, lemonade drinking, lock breaking, a crank radio, bounty hunters that can’t be trusted at all, knife fight, serious leg slicing, eye gouging, keychain weapon hooey, a final video, a big goddamn gun, serious throat slitting, a big goddamn gun attack, hatchet to the face, ghillie suit hooey, serious lung and kidney stabbing, bear trap hooey, bow and arrow attack, arrow through the eye, a different big goddamn gun, hand grenade attack, exploding jeep, crucifix fist, bulletproof vest hooey, pistol whipping, a siren, and the promise of a sequel that we should all get behind.

Kim Richards? None

Gratuitous: Buffalo, Alexander S. McBryde, Joseph Fusco, Joseph Fusco trying to buy condoms, Kim Piazza, Kim Piazza as a hardcore right wing gun nut running for Congress, Brooke Lewis Bellas, Brooke Lewis Bellas doing a sort of Judge Jeanine Pirro parody, Bill Brown, multiple drone shots, people cocking and loading various guns, praying, a meth gang, Adrian Esposito, Adrian Esposito wearing a Che Guevara shirt, a sign that says “Eden County- God’s Country,” a campsite, a heart-to-heart talk, a fire horn, Jessica Zwolak, Tim O’Hearn, Paul McGinnis, low key lesbianism that people aren’t as openly hostile to as you would expect them to be, “Dead or alive!,” a weaponized helicopter, Paul McGinnis sliding down a rock, a silver AK-47, swirling around duel handguns, a cross, Paul McGinnis urinating outside, Lynn Lowry, Lynn Lowry wielding a double barrel shotgun, Lynn Lowry talking about the Revolutionary War, a knuckle keychain weapon, a picture of the now late but always great Michael O’Hear, a crank radio, local SWAT team hooey, crucifix fist, a siren, and the promise of a sequel that we should all get behind.

Best lines: “Drop it or die!,” “Always ready, always aware,” “I’m a police officer. How nice for you,” “Give me a pack of lambskins. Extra-large?,” “Come on motherfucker!,” “I come here for booze, not for news,” “You’re killing my buzz,” “Don’t drink too much,” “Hey, once a cop always a cop. That’s what you think,” “They’ve been in there all night. Doing the Devil’s work, no doubt,” “I like to drive,” “Eduardo Sanchez? Sure, why not,” “Hey, don’t get lost,” “This man just threatened me with that shovel,” “Shit! Shit! Shit!,” “Why couldn’t you two have minded your own business? Look what you got us into!,” “Like I said, thanks for the invite, partner,” “That took longer than a New York minute,” “At least I don’t piss standing up!,” “We want to be shadow team,” “Bring them back warm if you can, but cold is just fine,” “A bunch of damn do gooders!,” “Don’t you ever point a gun at someone unless you intend to use it!,” “I call dibs on any women,” “Don’t make me shoot you in the back,” “You killed them like they were nothing. You better be ready to do the same if you want to see your wife again,” “Hey, Grizzly Adams!,” “Welcome to Eden, Gabriella,” “We’re a Christian community. Christians don’t commit murder,” “You just drop that gun. And the side arms,” “Crazy bitches stick together,” “It’s a lovely little town you got here,” “Stay still if you want to stay alive,” “Have a blessed day, Frances,” “Hey, if you go looking for Judgment Day you may just find it,” “Hey! If they pin you down give’em hell!,” “Hey, good looking,” “You triggered the wrong bitch today!,” “Son-of-a-whore!,” “Take over. And keep your finger off the trigger. I don’t want you perforating me prematurely. I ain’t no idiot,” “You just tell me where to find the bitch,” “We’re in the shit now!,” “I didn’t sign up for this. Then man the fuck up. Yes, ma’am,” “You are a disgrace to that uniform,” and “I don’t want to put you down! I want to put you away!”

10.0
The final score: review Virtually Perfect
The 411
Guns of Eden, written and directed by Gregory Lamberson, is a badass low budget action flick. Featuring several top notch performances, multiple brutal hand-to-hand brawls, and tons of wicked firearms, Guns of Eden< moves along at a breakneck pace, rarely letting up once the action begins, which is exactly what you want out of an action movie. Alexandra Faye Sadeghian and Peter Johnson are revelations in their turns as Megan Forest and Jeremy Scott, and Bill Kennedy is one of the sleaziest bad guys in recent action movie history as Sheriff John Preacher. See this movie if it happens to be playing at a film festival near you, and be sure to check it out when it’s fully unleashed on the world, presumably in the very near future. The world needs more Megan Forest beatdowns. See Guns of Eden. See it, see it, see it!
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Guns of Eden, Bryan Kristopowitz