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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Skin Creepers
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #520: Skin Creepers
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that is shocked more people aren’t killed with dildos, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number five hundred and twenty, I take a look at the German horror comedy Skin Creepers, which, after a successful theatrical run in Germany, is being released in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Ireland.
Skin Creepers
Skin Creepers, directed and co-written by Ezra Tsegaye (Sebastian Kuhne also co-wrote the movie), stars Nicolas Artajo and Nicolas Szent as Dan and Ben Jebsen, two low budget German moviemakers looking for their first big hit. The brothers decide to make a sort of “high end” adult movie, hiring a well-known American adult film actress (Sasha Blue, as played by Barbara Prakopenka) to participate in it. Because flying a famous American actress to Germany and putting her up in a hotel costs them a small fortune, the brothers decide to cut corners wherever they can. Their major filming location is an abandoned factory/warehouse out in the middle of nowhere, and Sasha Blue’s “co-stars” are two prostitutes (Leonie and Anette, played by Annika Strauss and Judith Wegner) they get from local pimp and notorious criminal Lederkalle (Thomas Schmuckert). And on top of all of that, the hotel room that the brothers get for Sasha is haunted, and as a result of staying there, Sasha is quickly possessed by some weird beard demon that likes to kill people and cause all sorts of demonic trouble.
How the hell are Ben and Dan supposed to make a porno movie, or, really, any movie, under these circumstances?
Well, the brothers give it their best shot and actually start production on their movie. At first, they notice that Sasha is acting bizarrely, but they have no idea why (they don’t become aware of the whole demonically possessed hotel room until much later). They figure she could be tired, or it’s just the way she works, it’s not that big of a deal. Unfortunately for the brothers, the possessed Sasha bites the lip off of one of the prostitutes during the first scene of the porno and they know they’re in deep trouble. Lederkalle will kick their asses, or kill them. What the hell are they going to do?
The brothers decide to abandon their movie and take Sasha back to her hotel room so she can rest and they can figure out what to do next because they’re scared and clueless. As they try to figure out what to do, Sasha’s body starts to levitate in the bed. Levitate? People shouldn’t be able to do that. It’s at that point that the brothers figure that something supernatural must be happening. Yes, the supernatural is bullshit and this is the real world and all that, but how the hell is she floating above the bed? And why is Sasha mega ugly now? Why have her eyes changed? Why has her skin changed colors?
It’s at this point that the brothers find out from a hotel worker that the hotel room that they’ve rented is haunted. As we see via intermittent flashbacks, a young woman was subjected to an exorcism of sorts back in 1976, an exorcism that didn’t go as planned (everyone involved in it died). As a result of that exorcism, the room, possibly via a weird beard painting on the wall, has been possessed by evil spirits since then, but for whatever reason nothing really happened until now. It’s an insane story, yes, but it’s also the only thing, based on the evidence at hand, that makes any sense. But the Jebsens are moviemakers, they’re not exorcists or whatever. How the hell are they going to fix the situation they find themselves in?
The brothers decide to hire an exorcist to deal with the evil spirits. They search the internets for information on any potential nearby exorcists. They eventually find a guy named Prediger (Dieter Landuris) who is willing to come out and help. The brothers have no idea if Prediger will be able to do anything (the guy’s internets presence makes him look shady as hell), but, considering what’s happening right in front of their eyes, what choice do they have?
Now, while all of that is going on, Lederkalle is on the hunt for the Jebsen brothers. One of his women is stuck in the hospital, likely have reconstructive surgery to her face, and Lederkalle specifically told the brothers that there was to be no weird stuff. The brothers could have sex with his women, sure, but they were not allowed to engage in anything weird. Ripping a woman’s lip off is pretty weird. Will Lederkalle eventually find the moviemaking brothers, and when he does what the hell is he going to do to them?
And what’s going to happen to Lederkalle in the event that he runs into the possessed Sasha?
When Skin Creepers starts, you think the movie is going to be a straight up horror flick. It starts with the possessed young woman in 1976 and her family and the female exorcist hired to fix the situation, and there’s a real tension and mystery about what is happening. I mean, we know what’s happening, essentially, but we don’t really have any details about anything. All we know is this young woman is possessed by some demonic force and, based on other movies in the horror genre, getting rid of that demonic presence isn’t going to be easy. So how long is it going to take for the exorcist’s techniques to work? Before we get to find out, the movie shifts to modern times and the Jebsen brothers and their porno movie and suddenly we have a different movie. You do start to wonder about the events of 1976, but you’re really more interested in these goofy guys trying to make a movie. What kind of movie are they going to try to make? And since the audience knows ahead of time that Skin Creepers is a horror movie, is it possible that, by the end of the movie, are the brothers going to try to make a “real life” horror movie as opposed to the porno movie?
Well, no, the Jebsens don’t decide to make a “real life” horror movie on the spot. They probably should have, but they’re completely devoted to their porno movie. You have to admire that kind of commitment to an idea, even if, in the big scheme of things, it’s kind of stupid.
When the movie does shift back to 1976, it only sticks around there for a few moments at a time. Director Tsegaye manages to draw out the specifics of what really happened and builds tremendous suspense right up until the big reveal. You’ve probably never seen an exorcism botched in quite the same way.
The movie’s comedy derives from the relationship the Jebsen brothers have and how the world reacts to them. As soon as you meet them you wonder how these brothers are going to make any sort of movie. Outside of an idea and a hot shot foreign actress, they don’t really have anything else in place. The location they want to use isn’t secured until the very last second, and even then it doesn’t appear to be all that secure anyway. And while you probably don’t need all that much to make a porno movie people are going to watch, I would suspect your actors would prefer to make a movie in a somewhat nice, controlled area as opposed to the bombed out ruins of some piece of shit abandoned warehouse. And then there’s the whole “who is going to co-star in this movie with our big American star” thing. Shouldn’t they have worked out all of those details sooner than the day before filming?
Yeah, the Jebsen brothers are kind of dumb, but you’re drawn to them anyway. Even if you know ahead of time the odds of them succeeding are slim you still pull for them. Dan is the nice guy of the two brothers (just look at the way he acts around Sasha) while Ben is kind of shifty and a little bit sleazy. Ben isn’t as sleazy as Lederkalle or the weird old guy that “operates” the abandoned warehouse (that would be Hans Jurgen Alf, who plays a guy named Hausmeister), but between the two brothers he’s probably the one you trust the least. I mean, what the hell is going on with that knit cap he’s always wearing?
When the supernatural elements of the story take center stage, the brothers are still goofy as they have a hard time taking what they’re seeing right in front of them seriously. Dieter Landruis, as Prediger the exorcist, is sort of in the same boat because as soon as you meet him you’re not entirely sure he’s a real deal, well, anything. And even when you do find out he’s a real deal exorcist, it’s hard to take him seriously. It’s hilarious.
Now, the supernatural elements are all well done and gruesome. There’s a nice balance between what appears to be CGI and practical special effects. The sequences where the ground below the bed in the possessed hotel room appears to be on fire are amazing to look at because the flames blend in to what’s going on and it looks like the flames could be real. The special effects makeup on Barbara Prakopenka is amazing to look at. And the moments of blood and gore are stupendous. The torn off lip is gross as fuck, and Sasha’s eyes are disturbing.
And speaking of disturbing, there’s a minor subplot involving a mega hot naked woman in the room below the possessed room. This woman has no idea what’s going on upstairs but she wants it stop. She calls the front desk, she tries to get it stopped, and, in the end, she pays a massive price for it. I was hoping for at least one more “she’s walking around that room naked!” scene in the movie before she’s killed. What the hell, man?
The cast is terrific. Nicolas Artajo and Nicolas Szent do a great job as the Jebsen brothers, Dan and Ben. As I said earlier, they’re idiots but you love them anyway and you want to see them win despite their ineptitude. They’re both charismatic and interesting, especially Artajo, who is the more low key of the two. Watch how they handle various dildos, both before they try to make a movie and after the supernatural elements show up. Should porno movie makers look that awkward wielding sex toys?
Barbara Prakopenka is sweet as Sasha Blue, the famous American actress brought to Germany to be in the Jebsen brothers’ movie. Even when she becomes possessed by the hotel room and becomes more openly aggressive she’s still very much the nice girl. She stops being the nice girl when she rips off another woman’s lip and becomes totally demonic but you still like her. What the heck is going to happen to her? Is the supernatural evil possessing her going to destroy her?
Dieter Landuris is funny as Prediger the exorcist, because how the hell did this guy become an exorcist? What sort of weird life has he led up until this point? I think the world needs some sort of prequel on this guy’s life.
And speaking of a character that needs his own movie/spin-off, Thomas Schmuckert is simply awesome as Lederkalle. He’s brash, nasty, a tough guy that you don’t want to mess with, but at the same time he’s one of the most mellow pimp gangsters in recent movie history. He doesn’t really become a real deal bruiser until he finds out one of his women has been mangled, and when he does watch the fuck out. Skin Creepers doesn’t really end well for Lederkalle, but, at the same time, I think there’s room for both a prequel and a sequel featuring Lederkalle. I think the movie watching world would be okay with it. I know I would be.
Skin Creepers is in German with subtitles. The subtitles are a little wacky, but they work well in conjunction with the way the actors speak. I’m not sure if this movie would work with a dubbed version. I guess it could, but would the funny moments still be funny? Would the dubbing make the entire movie ridiculous instead of scary? Again, I’m not sure.
Skin Creepers is a great new horror comedy. The cast, the story, the special effects, the comedy, it all works, and it’s something horror movie nerds should track down and check out. It’s definitely worth seeing. And if and when there’s a sequel? I am so there. I think you will be, too.
See Skin Creepers. See it, see it, see it!
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: 7
Explosions: None.
Nudity?: Yes, and it’s wonderful.
Doobage: An opening theme that sounds big, bed bondage, a dilapidated RV, cocaine hooey, a big movie making meeting, an auditions montage, a seriously tattooed stripper, a flaming circle, a weird goat painting, serious alcohol drinking, attempted sex, more serious drinking, off screen sex (maybe), coffee drinking, a script argument, dildo inspection, prostitutes, lip biting, blood geyser out of the mouth, luggage carrier hooey, dildo in the throat, mild bondage, a hot woman taking a shower, dildo to the face, breaking and entering, double head splitting, blood barfing, more head splitting, an exorcist search, exposition on how the haunted hotel room became haunted, some great demonic makeup, a naked spiritual attack, attempted shooting, a severed head, a wounded arm, wound biting, gut stabbing, exploding head, chicken bone hooey, tentacle hooey, the police show up, and a weird ending that seems to suggest there will be more to the story.
Kim Richards?: It depends on how you want to take the 1976 flashback scenes.
Gratuitous: 1976, cocaine, a diner, flashbacks to 1976, a guy that really wants a tip, a hotel mini-bar, dildo salesman, Jägermeister, talk of “hardcore scenes,” the German word for fuck is fuck, breach of contract, a platinum credit card, a hot babe floating in the air, an exorcism TV show on the internets, the holy chicken bone, a mother-in-law joke, silk robes, a Mother’s Milk TV commercial watched by a mega hot naked woman with what appear to be heart shaped nipples, balls and shaft, and German newspaper headlines over the end credits.
Best lines: “Does your husband know that she is not his child?,” “That was the biggest line I ever saw in my life. Respect,” “No powder- no success in showbiz. Understand? So behind every successful movie, there’s always a drug genie,” “We are here for the shed,” “The tongue was my idea,” “What the heck are two greens?,” “I love your soft lips,” “Say, have you ever eaten more than one cunt at a time?,” “Do I look like a movie creep?,” “The logo. The logo is new,” “Drink the potion!,” “I could really use a relaxing fuck,” “You want to give me a massage? Should I give you one?,” “She grabbed my ass. By what? Mistake?,” “What’s up, sweetie?,” “Let’s have fun, dickhead,” “Where’s the minion with the coffee?,” “Hot and black? If it isn’t, I’ll tear off your head, split your skull, and eat your brain!,” “Stop the moaning, sexy,” “Don’t pretend, you horny little dirtbag,” “Hey, did you meet someone on the loo?,” “Did you just try to curtsy in front of me? Are you submissive?,” “Hey, this is not funny!.” “Could you stop flirting, please?,” “I just can’t believe it,” “I said no perverted shit. That’s what I said,” “No matter what we do, in the end there’s always just one beer left,” “Ben, she’s floating,” Half empty also means half full,” “Evil is not that picky,” “She’s no perverted nymphomaniac!,” “The Devil is always first to claim his non-existence,” “Nonsense! I’m not a psychopath!,” “Che chin ba! Che chin ba!,” “Sasha Blue must not die. Okay,” “Life is like a chicken ladder. Long, narrow, and shitty. But I can still use an elevator on my own,” “I do not understand why no one listens to me,” “Don’t shit your pants but open the door,” “Do not stain my shirt,” “You owe me an explanation about Leonie,” “I think I’m going crazy,” and “Throw the dildo on the floor!”
Rating: 8.5/10.0
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Check out Skin Creepers at the following links!
Tubi TV in the United States, Canada, and Australia (this is free with advertising breaks)
Amazon Prime Video in the UK and Ireland
Vimeo On Demand in the United States, Canada, Australia, the UK, and Ireland
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Things to Watch Out For
–Brightburn: I missed this sort of “evil Superman” origin story horror flick when it was in theaters, but then it looks like lots of people missed it as it wasn’t a huge box office hit. It must have made some money/enough money, as there’s talk of doing a sequel, but if that does happen I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a direct-to-video sequel. Anyway, the people who did manage to see it seemed to like it, especially horror movie nerds, and I’m sure that, with its debut on home video, the movie will find a larger audience (hence my thought that if and when a sequel happens it will be direct-to-video. Or streaming). How many of you saw Brightburn?
–The Assault: This appears to be some sort of low budget action crime movie where star Tom Sizemore, playing a cop, takes on two badass female bank robbers or some such. Sizemore, who hasn’t had the best run of “luck” lately, seems to be a little more engaged than usual in this, based solely on the trailer, and if he is engaged that can only be a good thing. Jordan Lad is in the movie, too, as, I assume, one of the robbers (the women are decked out in body armor and wear masks), and the former Big Daddy Cool Diesel, Kevin Nash, is in it, too. Definitely worth a rental.
–I Trapped the Devil: A movie about a wacked out guy who thinks he has the Devil trapped in his basement at Christmas? First off, why wouldn’t I want to see that movie, and two, how is this not the plot to a million horror movies? The premise could go off in so many different ways. The trailer is creepy, the premise sounds awesome, and it’s being released by the fine folks at Shout! Factory/Scream Factory and comes to us from IFC Films. I will be very disappointed if this is not the great thing it seems, both as a movie and as a home video package. Anyone out there see this yet?
–Buffalo Dreams Fantastic Film Festival: The 2019 edition of this truly excellent film festival, which also happens to be its 10th anniversary, has decided to shift seasons and run at the end of the summer for the first time in its history, running from Friday August 23rd through Thursday August 29th at the Dipson Theaters Eastern Hills Cinema at the Eastern Hills Mall in Williamsville, New York. The schedule, which you can see at the festival’s official website or on the festival’s official Facebook page, is jam packed with all sorts of movies, from feature films to shorts, from documentaries to international films, and with multiple genres represented. Be sure to check out the website and or Facebook page for more info, and if you’re in the Buffalo, New York area at the end of August and you want to see some cool movies (or, heck, if you’ve got nothing else going on), check the festival out. I know I’ll be there multiple days to see as many movies as I can.
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The Widow’s Point teaser trailer is here!
And please check out my Widow’s Point set report here!
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Next Issue: I explain why I think Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan is awesome!
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Most Recent Interviews
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Well, I think that’ll be about it for now. Don’t forget to sign up with disqus if you want to comment on this article and any other 411 article. You know you want to, so just go do it.
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Skin Creepers
Nicolas Artajo– Daniel Jebsen
Nicolas Szent– Ben Jebsen
Barbara Prakopenka– Sasha Blue
Thomas Schmuckert– Lederkalle
Dieter Landuris– Prediger
Annika Strauss– Leonie
Judith Wegner– Anette
Hans Jurgen Alf– Hausmeister
(check out the rest of the cast here
Directed by Ezra Tsegaye
Screenplay by Sebastian Kuhne and Ezra Tsegaye
Distributed by Generation X Group Film & Medienproduktion
Unrated
Runtime– 86 minutes
