411’s Cornette Side of The Ring Report: Episodes One, Two, and Three

-Written: 11.10.26
-Source: Vice

-Book Plug: Did you know Jim Cornette had a wrestling match in 1996? You can that review and every other PPV from 1996 with my book. Available on Amazon! Makes a great stocking stuffer!

-The makers of Dark Side have been running 12 minute episodes featuring Jim Cornette’s take on famous wrestling topics. They have taken these from YouTube and debuted them on Vice. Each 30 minute episode focuses on two different topics and since I handle Dark Side, I was all over this. It was decided instead of 3 separate reports, everything released tonight gets put here.

-We get this note before the first episode: This episode included scenes developed with AI-assisted technologies under human direction.

-Jim Cornette is the narrator. Duh!

Episode One: Part One: Austin Heel Turn

-Jim Cornette goes over the beginnings of Steve Austin in Texas and how he didn’t have an image. Dutch Mantell gave him the name Steve Austin.

-WCW: They gave Austin a shot, but didn’t know what to do with him and he was fired in 1995. Austin took it personal and used his anger in ECW to show a personality he only showed glimpses off in WCW. Cornette notes what Eric did was chicken shit, but that’s he and WCW did in those days.

-WWF: Vince McMahon brings Austin to the WWF as The Ringmaster! Cornette says things started rolling when Steve shaved his head and changes his tights. He finally got a great nickname in Stone Cold. He goes over the old line of the best gimmicks being when someone turns what they do up to eleven. Austin wins King of the Ring 1996 by beating Jake Roberts and gives the famous Austin 3:16 speech. Cornette notes that was the last piece of the puzzle and even Jim has to give the line about the next night there being Austin 3:16 and he was an instant star. Again, he wasn’t even on the main card of SummerSlam and it wasn’t until the Bret feud in the fall that he really got his shot. He does note the shirt was the best selling in wrestling history. I believe that!

-Stone Cold went from hated heel to conquering hero because he got to beat up his boss and curse and drink on the job. Cornette goes over Vince McMahon turning heel and how Austin/McMahon became one of the hottest rivalries in wrestling history. Austin became a main stream star and we see some of the crazy stuff Austin did in the Attitude Era. Cornette compares it to Michael Douglas in Falling Down. We have footage of that movie! American President is my favorite Michael Douglas movie!

-Commercial break!

-They are making all kinds of money, but Austin realized nothing lasts forever and Cornette notes that thinking was Austin’s weakness. They pitch the idea of Austin turning heel and they decide to do it Texas to close WrestleMania X-Seven. We get Cornette watching the Rock/Austin match and he points out the fans cheering Austin as the ref counts three. He thinks they were thinking Austin stuns Vince, but instead he shakes Vince’s hand. He says the fans felt betrayed as they know the show isn’t real, but they believed Austin was real. He was in The Dome and the fans felt like they were slapped in the face and told this was fake. He told his wife the Golden Goose was dead and then they didn’t even have a reason to explain why he turned heel.

-He notes it wasn’t dramatic at first, but the ratings and show attendance dropped. Austin started becoming a comedy character and looks like Vince’s stooge. “Nobody wants to see Steve Austin with a guitar singing Kumbaya. Nobody!” Yeah, I don’t know about that one. I get what he is saying about, but that Angle/Austin stuff was entertaining at a time that both men couldn’t wrestle in the ring due to injuries. Jim again says the crowd reacts to what they believe is real. They want a hero that is bigger than life and not someone with problems at home. He says Steve knows it was a mistake and tells people today. He wraps up saying Austin is still a massive star because the fans chose to forget the heel turn. He says the WWE still hasn’t reached the heights since the Austin run. “If you have a guy printing money for you, don’t fuck with him.”

-Solid opening as it gives us a taste of what to expect. Nothing ground breaking as everyone notes it was a mistake but they corrected course once the Invasion Angle ended. Speaking of the Invasion Angle!

-Commercials!

Episode One: Part Two: The Invasion

-WWF vs. WCW! Cornette says it could have been the biggest money making event of all time, but it crashed and burned.

-He gives us a brief history of The Monday Night War and how over 10 million fans were watching both shows. We get some great footage of both companies when they were on fire. WCW went out of business in 2001 as Jim notes wrestling didn’t mean much Turner Broadcasting while Vince would rather died kicking and screaming on fire rather than have WWF take away from him.

-Vince buys WCW and we get the famous “I own WCW,” line. At the same time, ECW was going bankrupt (flat broke according to Jim) and Vince picked up the pieces. Vince now owned a monopoly in the United States. The one bright spot was we had a chance for Austin/Goldberg, Sting/Taker. Everyone knew the different promotions hated each other, so that was the one thing the fans could believe was real.

-Invasion PPV: Cornette notes the show was the highest buyrate for a non WrestleMania show in WWF history. The problem is the major names were owed a ton of money by Turner so they sat at home and collected paychecks. I can’t blame them! The only way Vince could get them to be part of The Invasion was to buy out their Turner contracts and then pay them a WWF contract. That wasn’t happening and the big stars weren’t take less money to go back to work.

-Vince also didn’t want to get WCW any credit as he hated that anyone saw that southern company as any kind of threat. So we had to interject McMahons with Shane buying WCW and Stephanie buying ECW. Cornette says Vince didn’t believe the WWF audience would support these characters from Georgia, but that’s all the fans wanted to see. He would have had to spend millions for the biggest show ever or “he could do what he did.”

-Commercials!

-Back to Invasion and I need to review that show at some point. Jim mocks that they had a match between the referees and says it was not the second coming of Flair/Steamboat. The issue was there was no stars. The fans wanted Goldberg/Austin and got Kidman vs. X-Pac, which has Cornette laughing as he forgot Kidman was facing X-Pac. We see highlights of Mick Foley being the special ref of the referee match. “It didn’t make sense.” Cornette notes this could have gone on for months and been fresh, but it was gone.

-Then the WCW stars finally came, but it was too little, too late and they didn’t come all at once. The WCW TV viewers didn’t come over and instead left wrestling. He notes there was potential, but the Turner contracts and the business screwed over the fans. He jokes that maybe that was Turner’s last FU to the wrestling business.

-That was a little better than the first episode as Jim was able to sink his teeth into this one more. He brings up valid points. This was a crash course on the botched Invasion as it went on for another four months before ending. We probably need a full Dark Side episode to cover this one at some point.

Episode Two: Part One: The Pipe Bomb

-“They wanted people to keep their mouths shut and do what they were told, but that’s not CM Punk.” Cornette says Punk started at the bottom as he worked up from the armory and FVW to get to the WWE and become a top star. He talks about the invisible ceiling Punk was hitting his head on.

-He says Punk’s biggest strength is his verbal ability. He puts over how authentic he is on the mic and nobody can write for him. He admits he did not get CM Punk at first, but Punk willed it into being. He tells the secret we all know in that learning to be a great wrestler takes time, but being able to talk and show personality can carry you until you figure it out.

-Punk makes it to the WWE but doesn’t get the same perks as the upper tier stars. That rubbed Punk the wrong way as he was out performing the bigger stars and he was desperate for the WWE Office to see him, they way he saw himself.

-2011: Punk’s contract is coming up for renewal and Jim gets things a little backwards. He notes Punk was the Champion and the intrigue was will he leave the company with The Belt. We know Punk wasn’t the Champion, but promised to win it and leave with it on his last night in the company. Vince was faced with the idea he might lose CM Punk and gives Punk the chance to air his grievances on the air. He thinks Vince didn’t realize what he was getting into.

-Punk knew he couldn’t “drop his willie and shake it on television.” He knew he could tell the truth though and ran by Vince what he wanted to say. He was leaving anyways so he had nothing to lose.

-Commercials!

-CM Punk leaves Cena laying in the ring and then drops The Pipe Bomb! Cornette is all smiles as they play him the footage. Cornette notes that Punk is a heel here, but the more he speaks the more the fans get on his side. I had a friend that swore it was a legit shoot and said the TM to close the show didn’t pop up. I told him it popped up during The Truth/Cena match and it broke a piece of his soul. Cornette talks about the mythical brass ring and calls it bullshit. “The brass ring was only in the reach of people if Vince put it there.”

-He continues the fans saw Punk as someone that Vince could not control. He brings up Punk’s goal was to be in The Mania Main Event (really? Never would have guessed) and Vince kept dangling it in front of him. Cornette says talking about New Japan or any company outside WWE was a no-no. He laughs at the “Vince McMahon is dead,” line. The shots at Steph and HHH seemed to real and we learned that Vince threw in the idea of Punk taking shots at Stephanie because of course he would want that.

-The Pipe Bomb caught fire and Vince could see it would make him millions. Fans thought the promo was real because fans buy that Punk is telling them the truth. “It made his career for the next fifteen years possible.” The promo made it so the fans still chanted for CM Punk when he was away from wrestling for seven years.

-Good stuff here! You could see Cornette having a blast watching the promo and we know he and Punk are fans of each other. We also know that Vince was fine with what Punk was going to say, but Punk knew how to walk that line and keept is a “shoot” while also giving Vince what he wanted.

Episode Two: Part Two: Russo and The WCW Title

-Buckle Up as it’s a Vince Russo episode! He lets Vince know he sucks in the opening 10 seconds of the episode. “For 30 years I have been Batman to Vince Russo’s Joker.” He goes over the promise he made that he would live long enough to be able to piss on Russo’s grave. “I still intend to do that even if I need a walker.”

-He goes over Russo being a editor of the WWE Magazine and how he got the job because nobody else wanted it. Cornette goes over the Monday Night Wards and how WCW dominated for 83 weeks and Vince got desperate so brought Russo in as a writer. We get some of Russo’s crash TV ideas and Cornette does his Russo impression: “you guys are stuck in the past, bro!”

-Russo took credit for the creation of “Austin, The Rock, water and air.” He convinced Turner Broadcasting he was responsible for WWF’s success and “they believed it.” Titles were a prop to Russo and Cornette covers the lineage of the WCW World Championship back to the NWA World Title. He talks about Flair, Sting, Goldberg, Ron Simmons (the first black World Champion) and Hulk Hogan holding the WCW Title and how all were seen as top guys in the promotion. If the wrestlers don’t take the Championship seriously, than the fans won’t either.

-We see all the comedy and stupid angles from Russo in WCW. They were getting destroyed by the WWF and WCW was on pace to lose $60 million dollars. Russo believed any press was good and WCW did a movie with David Arquette called Ready To Rumble. Yes, I saw it in the theaters and took my girlfriend with me. She didn’t fall asleep during it like she did with Any Given Sunday.

-Tony Schiavone, as a joke, pitched the idea of putting the belt on Arquette. Russo took it seriously and David pins Bischoff to win the World Title in a Tag Match. Cornette laughs at a sign in the crowd: “This Match = Piss Break.” That is rather hilarious! He calls the movie a box office bomb and had “people bringing back tickets they bought for a movie the previous week looking for a refund.” He notes it wasn’t released as much as the movie “escaped.” Tell us how you really feel Jim!

-Commercials!

-Cornette brings up Goldberg/Hogan drawing over 40,000 to The Georgia Dome, but two years later Russo decimated the ratings. He then had the idea that he could restore the ratings with his ability to get heat. Cornette gives us a physical description of Russo that is exactly what you think it would be. He then mocks Vince’s voice and they way he accentuates syllables. “Anytime Vince wanted to do anything physical in a wrestling ring it looked like a deflated truck stop novelty condom flapping in the breeze.” The man has a way with words! Russo booked himself in a Triple Cage Match with most of the Main Event talent. Goldberg spears Russo through the cage and that gives him a concussion, but also The World Title. He vacates the Title because he can’t defend it.

-Cornette finishes by talking about the great Champions in the NWA and WCW and how Russo changed the Title 25 times in one year. In less than a year, the company was sold to Vince McMahon at a rock bottom price. He goes on one last rant and calls Russo the shits who damaged a lot of careers. “Everything Vince Russo touches dies. The worst day in a kid’s life isn’t when he finds out Santa Clause isn’t real (he is kids), but when they find out Vince Russo is.”

-Yeah, it’s going to be hard to top this episode. Cornette talking Russo isn’t a fair fight for any other episode competing against it. The great part of the Dark Side episodes is they would frequently have Russon as a talking head and we would get them going back and forth in some great editing. This was obviously all one sided, but still worth watching. Good luck to the final two topics!

Episode Three: Part One: Hogan on Late Night

-“Hogan was shaken like a dog shitting peach seeds.” Again, the man has a way with words.

-Jim brings up being on Regis and Kathie Lee with Yokozuna when he was WWF Champion. Regis understood you don’t insult your guest’s line of work. Regis was great!

-Jim goes back to Jackie Fullerton wanting Giant Haystacks to show him some moves. He slammed Jackie on the studio floor as hard as he could. That looked brutal! The guy ended up with broken ribs and he wasn’t mad, but was shocked. Haystacks: “My Pleasure.”

-We jump to John Stossel, who Cornette notes was coming off as a prick. He says it was probably Vince who told John to go interview Dave Schultz. John told Dave, “I think it’s fake.” SLAP! Stossel gets up and SLAP! Amazing! Cornette: “That’s what happens.” Not anymore.

-We move to WrestleMania and Hulk Hogan and Mr. T are sent to one final interview after appearing on Saturday Night Live.

-Commercials!

-Richard Belzer, a comedian, with a talk show called Hot Properties. Hogan and T were there to promote WrestleMania. Belzer was not a wrestling fan and came off as a dick. He poked at T as he called his A Team show the most violent show on TV. Belzer wanted to be shown some of the wrestling. Cornette says when someone presses you to show some wrestling, you apply a simple, easy, and effective hold on them and let them go when they scream. Hogan put a front facelock on Belzer and he went out quickly. He let Belzer go and he flopped to the floor with his head hitting the stage. Again, brutal! Belzer hopped up and you can see blood pouring out of the back of his head and down his suit.

-Hogan tries to do damage control and says he hopes Richard is okay as someone else fills in as host. Cornette says Hogan could have been a prick and done that on purpose if he had held it for 10 seconds. Belzer was out in three seconds. He then notes Belzer’s blood may have been pumping from some of the substances floating around in the industry at the time. “Had Belzer’s heart beating like a drum.” Yep! “I think this whole panel made a stop in Colombia or Peru before the event.” Jim says he saw it in Dallas and thought “he must be higher than a giraffe pussy.” Yo, that made he choke and I need to stop for a second. Hold tight!

-Okay, I am back! The ordeal turned into a lawsuit, which Belzer won and he bought a mansion in France and named it “Chez Hogan.” He says Hogan wasn’t fired because Vince needed him. He notes Dave was fired. Today he says the wrestler will admit it’s fake and bullshit. Not a coincidence that wrestling lost 75% of the audience that used to watch it when they thought there was something real to it. “The most important thing is Richard Belzer is safe.” Producer: “Isn’t he dead?” Cornette: “Well, he is either safe or dead. One or the other.”

-Okay, this one did all it could to match the Russo episode. Again, Cornette way with words carried this one and that ending was something else. That Haystacks slam was brutal as well! I am kind of shocked they didn’t touch on Vader’s run in with a host in Kuwait.

Episode Three: Part Two: The Black Scorpion

-Turner bought out Crockett in 1989 and named “regional Pizza Hut Manager from St Louis” as the new boss. Wow, crazy timing as it was announced earlier today that Jim Herd passed away. Rest in Peace, sir!

-Jim says he was one of the talents victomized by Herd thirty years ago. He talks about a TBS executive who had a wife that was friend’s with Herd’s wife. He was a director of wrestling 20 years earlier when it aired on his station in St Louis. “It was doomed to start.” Jim doesn’t think the gap between WCW and WWF in1988 was insurmountable. I mean, WWF was about to make ALL THE MONEY with The Mega-Powers. Herd wanted to take what WWF was doing and make it kid friendly for more merchandise. Cornette notes Herd didn’t realize WCW was successful because it was different than Vince’s WWF.

-THE DING DONGS! He took two jobbers and put them in masks with bells all over their body. They had a ship’s bell in the corner. The bells would fall off as they wrestled and “four guys had to have a tag match in a ring filled with little marbles.” Cornette was in the room when Herd pitched The Hunchbacks and how they couldn’t be pinned. “We were staring at him like he had a steaming turd hanging out of his mouth.” We get Big Josh with the dancing bears. “That used to be a rib where you would say someone booked everything, but the dancing bear. This son of a bitch booked the dancing bear.”

-ARACHNAMAN! Superheroes were big, but Herd didn’t want to pay for Spider-Man, but it still was too close that Marvel sued them until they stopped using the gimmick. TREMENDOUS! Oh yeah, here’s Robocop saving Sting! Cornette ripping on everything WCW did during this era is GOLD! He says nobody bought the PPV because the PPV poster made it seem like it was a Robocop movie.

-Commercials!

-Fewer tickets were being sold and ratings were dropping. He says you could hear echoes in the building as guys wrestled. They needed someone to face Sting in 1990 and Ole Anderson was put in charge. Ole joked that someone from Sting’s past would come back under a mask. Herd loved it and Ole had to run with it. The issue was they didn’t know who was going be under the mask, so they just put a different guy under the mask each week. They even hired a real life magician to do tricks and we got silly things like people disappearing and mind control.

–Starrcade 1990: Sting vs. The Black Scorpion! Scorpion makes his entrance on a spaceship and Cornette notes it cost more more than what they paid a lot of guys on the show. They put Ric Flair under the mask and the match was awful because Flair did all he could not to wrestle as Ric Flair. Nobody was fooled! “It was a turd in the punch bowl.”

-Flair left in the Summer of 1991 as The World Champion and went to the WWF. Herd quit in 1992 and Cornette says he always called Herd, “The Grinch that stole pro-wrestling.” Herd was patient zero on what happens when a corporate business man runs an entertainment company.

-The final three topics were my favorite and not surprising as Cornette had two of his favorite targets to attack in Russo and Herd. The other was hosts who mock pro-wrestling so that’s easy for Jim as well. I enjoyed this series and I have no clue if we get more next week or if this was a one time dump of all the episodes. For fans of his podcast this is familiar territory. Jim is loved or hated depending if he is a fan of your wrestling company. I don’t agree with all his points, but I listen and I am entertained. That was no different here. Thanks for reading!