411’s TNA Impact Report 03.22.10

• We see a shot of someone playing a guitar. It’s Eric Bischoff! I know nothing about guitars but it sounds pretty good.

It goes about thirty seconds too long but Easy E finally stops. He says he put the piece together in 1992. It’s called “What you didn’t know about me.” He talks about stuff we didn’t know about him. He calls himself a classically trained musician. And that’s why he has a problem with Jeff Jarrett.

He’s mad because Double J uses the guitar as a silly prop. He then wonders if Jarrett even knows how to play the guitar. He calls Jarrett out and asks him to play us a tune.

Jarrett comes out (sans guitar). Bischoff again asks Jarrett to play a tune. Double J is unimpressed. Bischoff asks the fans if they want to hear Jarrett play the guitar (they do) but Jarrett resists the challenge. Eric Bischoff says he knew deep down Jarrett was too afraid to play the guitar. He then asks Jarrett to sing us a song.

Jarrett finally talks. He tells Bischoff he can’t humiliate him. Bischoff then berates Double J for “not having the stones” to attack him. He DARES Jarrett to take a swipe at him. Jarrett steals Bischoff’s guitar and teases a shot. Fans want it, Bischoff asks for it but nothing happens. Fans boo. Jarrett decides to up and walk out of the ring. Bischoff talks some trash about Jarrett not having the guts to do what he has to do. That is why Bischoff is running the company now.

Jarrett comes back in while Bischoff has his back turned and KILLS Eric Bischoff with the guitar!

• We see Mick Foley clapping backstage. He and Jarrett share a hug. Double J asks Mick if he has any idea how good that felt and Foley says he does. We see a camera shot of Bischoff still motionless in the center of the ring and that takes us to our first commercial break of the evening.

• We’re back live with another replay of Jarrett’s guitar shot on Eric Bischoff. Announcers are playing this off as a huge thing.

• Camera pans back into the ring where we see Eric Bischoff finally getting up. Earl Hebner is in the ring with him for those who have him on their fantasy team. Bischoff grabs a mic and says Jarrett crossed the line. He says Foley has done the same. He says he could fire both of them but he wants to make it fun for him. He makes a match between Foley and Jarrett for tonight. Bischoff doesn’t care who wins but the loser is fired from TNA and the winner becomes his bitch.

• Camera goes backstage to Jarrett and Foley. Jarrett screams “IT’S MY FAULT.” Foley says it’s his fault too. He says neither of them are going to win.

• The Beautiful People are out for the Eight Knockout Tag Team bout. Daffney is out to complete the heel team. We get highlights of Daffney’s match with Tara during her entrance. Daffney still has that spider she stole last night.

Tara comes out without her entrance to confront Daffney. Daffney threatens to stomp on the spider but that lets the heels jump Tara. Taylor Wilde, Sarita and Angelina Love run in to make the save sending us to a commercial break.

Match One
Tara, Sarita, Taylor Wilde and Angelina Love v. The Beautiful People and Daffney

Angelina Love diving into Madison Rayne welcomes us back to the show. Love wrenches Rayne’s arm and tags in Taylor Wilde. She comes in with an ax hammer form the top rope. Atomic drop from Wilde. Rayne gets tagged in only to get hit with a Wilde neckbreaker. Taylor Wilde tags in Sarita but Sky gets the momentum. She tags in Von Erich who comes in with some punches. Sarita whips Von Erich into the corner and eventually takes her down with a dropkick. Madison Rayne tagged in. Sarita takes care of her in the face corner and tags in Tara who comes in with a slingshot legdrop. Pinfall gets two.

Tara gets caught up in the heel corner. Faces try to help but that just distracts the refs. Heels triple team Tara allowing Rayne to cover. Two count. Daffney comes in on a tag and taunts Tara with the spider. Tara applies her arm around Daffney’s neck but Velvet Sky tags herself in. She attacks but Tara stops her. Rayne and Sky hold down Tara but Love, Taylor Wilde and Sarita even things out. Flatliner from Angelina Love to Daffney. Love taunts Von Erich but that lets Velvet Sky attack her with a reverse DDT. Pose form Love. Northern Lights Suplex from Wilde to Sky. Pin broken up by Rayne.

Sarita comes in with a powerbomb to Rayne. Von Erich comes in with what looks like a choke slam to Rayne. Tara comes in and delivers the Widow’s Peak. I have no clue who is legal but it isn’t Von Erich since Tara doesn’t go for the cover. Daffney comes in and does what looks like a variated spinning neckbreaker for the win.

WINNER: The Beautiful People and Daffney
Sold, opening bout. Can’t say anything bad about it other than a few sloppy moments.

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• Daffney taunts Tara with the spider after the match.

• We see Ric Flair in a wheelchair and AJ Styles with a cast in the parking lot of the Impact Zone.

• Graphic for Foley-Jarrett and a Major LockDown announcement from the Hulkster…which is next!

• We get one of those crazy mid-commercial segments with the Champ and Flair making their way backstage. Tazz reminds us that Hulk Hogan is up next.

• Video package with all of Destination X’s highlights…and that crappy finish from the main event.

• THE HULKSTER IS IN THE IMPACT ZONE~! He’s out with Abyss, instantly making me care less about the segment but no one cares about that. They make a slow walk down the ramp as Taz goes over the power of the ring.

Hogan and Abyss finally get in the ring. Hogan says it got real personal between Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan. Eric was right about Flair knowing what button’s to push to make Hogan angry. IT ALL STOPS HERE. Hogan vows to the TNA fans and Dixie Carter that he’s going to get the company back on track. It’s going to go back to only business.

AT LOCKDOWN~! He makes Abyss the captain of Team Hogan. They’re going to go head to head with Team Flair. Hogan says it’ll be Flair’s last hurrah and he gives Abyss the mic.

He says he hopes Styles and Flair stayed at the hotel and crashed because it’s a lot healthier than coming to the Impact Zone and crashing all around their. Thanks to the ring, Abyss now has a feeling of power that he has never felt. He felt it, brother, when he slammed AJ Styles through the ring. It was then that he realized that he wasn’t just Abyss, he was the 300-something pound monster Abyss. Abyss says he didn’t win the title but he won respect. It IS a new day and Abyss is going to take care of business for Hogan.

Flair and Styles are out and angry. He says St. Louis is in the heart of Flair Country and he is a cage match specialist. Does that mean he’s wrestling? He says Abyss didn’t kill him because he isn’t mortal. He’s a WRESTLING GAWD.

Styles finally decides to talk. He says he had Abyss beat but Abyss had to try and kill him. He pretends to be hurt. Flair gets back on the mic and says to assure victory for Team Flair, he makes Sting the team captain. Stinger’s music plays and the camera looks for him.

Lights turn back in with Sting and Styles in the ring. Styles hits Abyss with his crutches and Sting just watches. Styles corners Hogan and we notice that Hogan is magically handcuffed. Styles beats Abyss up as Sting looks on in approval.

THE POPE runs down to the ring and he brawls with AJ Styles. Elbows everywhere from the Pope. Abyss throws in a Big Boot and D’Angelo Dinero strikes with the Dinero Express to take AJ out. Pope uncuffs Hogan and the three faces pose in the center of the ring.

Flair tries to wheel himself out of harm’s way. Hogan catches up to him and rolls him into an Abyss clothesline. Pope stuffs money down Flair’s throat to end the segment.

• Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam are finally entering the arena..50 minutes into the show. Shannon Moore is with them too, for those of you that like him.

• TOMKO is in the ring for a Global Championship bout. Who did he beat to earn this?

Match Two
Rob Terry (C) v. Tomko
Global Championship Match

Big Rob shrugs off a Tomko shoulderblock. Clothesline to Tomko. Terry throws Tomko into the corner and clotheslines him. We learn Beer Money are the refs for the main event tonight. Tomko elbows a charging Terry but Terry picks him up for a slam. Rob delivers a spinning kick and poses for the crowd. David Otunga spinebuster ends the match.

WINNER: Rob Terry
Another Rob Terry squash match. Nothing new here. Not that that’s a bad thing. At least they’re trying to build someone new.

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• Video of Foley shaving Bischoff and Jarrett nailing Bisch with the guitar.

• Mick Foley walks backstage. We then see Jeff Jarrett walking. We get a graphic that lets us know the Jarrett-Foley match is next!

• We get a video package putting over the Jarrett-Foley-Bischoff dilemma after a commercial break.

• Jeremy Borash is with Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett. He emphasizes the stipulation which makes this match feel special. Foley says he’s teased leaving TNA but if he does, he’s going to do it on his own, not by Bischoff’s doing. Forcing Bischoff out of TNA has kept Mick going. Jeff says they’re both men with pride but part of that pride is TNA pride. They both deserve to stay in the company. Foley says he doesn’t want to be the guy that forced the founder of TNA out of the company but they owe it to the fans to try their best to win. Jarrett says he was on the outs but Foley put the passion back into him. He owes it to the fans, his family and to Mick to put on a show tonight. Good stuff.

Beer Money Inc are out to ref the match. Mick Foley makes his arrival after and Jeff Jarrett is out to round out the participants for the next bout. Still without music or pyro.

Match Three
Mick Foley v. Jeff Jarrett
Loser Leaves TNA
No Disqualification
Beer Money Inc. Special Guest Referees

James Storm rings the bell to start the match. Foley and Jarrett share a handshake to get us going. They grapple in the center. They break it off. Another grapple. Foley takes Jeff into the corner but Jarrett escapes. Foley takes him into another corner prompting James Storm to start a five count. Foley breaks the hold. Dueling chants from the fans. We get another grapple. Headlock by Foley. Jarrett sends Foley into the ropes but Foley replies with a shoulderblock. Cover gets two.

Jarrett and Foley circle the ring. Jarrett applies a headlock. Foley shoots him into the ropes and takes him down with an elbow. Two count. Kick by Jarrett. He whips Foley but Foley reverses. Sunset flip by Jarrett. Two count. Backslide from the Mickster gets another two count. Right hand by Foley to Jarrett. Another shot to the head. Foley tries to choke Jarrett with the ropes but Storm breaks it up. Jarrett tries to stand but Foley clubs him in the back. He tries a double-armed DDT but Jarrett reverses into a Stroke attempt. Foley sends Jarrett into the ropes and Roode holds him down. Jarrett stares Roode down allowing Foley to hit Jarrett in the back. Foley boots Jarrett to the outside. He joins Jarrett on the outside and punches Jarrett in the face. He slams Jarrett’s face into the guardrail. Eric Bischoff is out to the broadcast table and we get a commercial break.

We are back with Foley and Jarrett battling on the stage. They trade punches to the head. Jarrett shoves Foley to the ground. Foley gets to his feet and Jarrett suplexes him on the entrance ramp. Roode asks if Foley wants to give up. Back inside the ring, Jarrett attacks Foley in the corner. Foley falls and Jarrett covers. Two count.

Foley uses the ropes to get up but Jarrett takes him back down with a punch. He covers and gets another two count. More punches from Jarrett, he covers (using the ropes) and gets two from Robert Roode. Strikes to the face in the corner from Jarrett to Foley. DDT by Jarrett. He covers in the middle of the ring and Foley kicks out at two.

Jarrett grabs a steel chair but Foley kicks him in the groin. Foley connects with the double-armed DDT and covers. It gets a two count when Jarrett puts his foot on the rope. Foley brings out Mr. Socko. He applies the Mandible Claw. Foley takes Jarrett to the ground, keeping the claw locked on with a grapevine hold added in. Jarrett elbows Foley off and Foley grabs the chair. He charges Jarrett but Jarrett kicks Foley. Stroke into the chair. Jarrett covers and it gets a three count!

WINNER: Jeff Jarrett
Pretty good match. It was about what you would expect from these guys at their old age.

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• Eric Bischoff is pleased with the results. Jarrett is visibly upset. Foley hugs Jeff Jarrett and says it’s okay. He raises Jarrett’s hand. Jeff returns the favor and everyone cheers. FAKE TEARS from Easy E as we see Foley walk down the entrance ramp. Eric Bischoff wishes him the best in his future endeavors.

Bischoff says he isn’t done. He says Beer Money is just warming up and tells them to give Double J a taste of their medicine. Storm and Jarrett prop the chair in the corner and send Jarrett’s head into it.

Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam are out, making Eric Bischoff angry. They run Beer Money off. RVD asks for a microphone as Eric Bischoff asks for a format. RVD introduces himself and Jeff Hardy and says he’s there just for fun. He says it would be a blast if they beat up Beer Money tonight. Robert Roode accepts the challenge and RVD poses. Bischoff wants to know who authorized the match.

• We return from a commercial break with a reminder of what went down in the Foley-Jarrett match.

We see Foley walking out shaking hands with a bunch of faces. Security follows him. BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE asks Foley about his last match. Foley says now is not the time. Bubba asks Foley to not let the door hit him on his way out so Foley nails Bubba in the head.

• Bischoff walks into Hogan’s office and boasts about the night we’ve had. Hogan seems depressed about Foley leaving and asks why Bischoff pushed him to the edge. Hogan tells Bischoff to be business-like with Jeff Jarrett because Jarrett is “over with the fans.” Bischoff says he gets it and leaves.

• Christy Hemme is with Robert Roode and James Storm. He says they’ve had a lot going on but they like being busy. They’ve had a lot of time off but that gave them time to reflect on what was most important to him and James. To put Beer Money first. James Storm says they don’t care about the stupid fans and are the greatest tag team in the world.

• Matt Morgan versus Hernandez is up next after a commercial break.

• Jeremy Borash interviews Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy. Hardy applies facepaint during. Borash says they’ve had great careers but they’re taking on a career tag team. Hardy says he knew something was going to happen when they saved Jeff Jarrett. Rob Van Dam says he’s going to show everyone in the “TNA Universe” why they are special. Tonight they’ll start off with Beer Money.

• Video package highlighting the Matt Morgan-Hernandez feud.

• That leads us to Matt Morgan’s entrance. Hernandez attacks him from behind. He looks mad. Hernandez beats Morgan on the ramp and sends him into the ring to start the match.

Match Four
Hernandez v. Matt Morgan

Hernandez forces Morgan to the outside. He attacks Morgan on the ground and slams his face against the apron. Hernandez then slams Morgan’s head on the steel steps. Hernandez lifts Morgan and sends his back into the apron. After some punches, he rolls Morgan inside. Morgan begs for mercy and tries to call timeout. Hernandez boots him in the chest. He takes off his shirt and chokes Morgan. He then tosses Morgan to the other side of the ring. He repeats the attack. Stinger Splash from Hernandez to Matt Morgan. He lifts Morgan and sends him to the mat. Super Mex lifts Morgan and whips him into the corner. He charges but Morgan throws him to the outside. Hernandez pulls Morgan outside. He tries to throw a punch but Morgan avoids and Hernandez’s hand clashes with the steel ring post. Matt Morgan delivers a KILLER boot to Hernandez’s head against the steel post. He goes back inside and tells the ref to check him. Ref throws up an X ending the match.

WINNER: Matt Morgan…?
Hernandez squash for the most part. I loved the Carbon Footprint into the ring post. It looked ugly

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• Medical staff look at Hernandez. The announcers put on their serious voice and discuss what Matt Morgan just did. Homicide is even out to make this seem more serious.

• We return with a replay of the Carbon Footprint into the steel ring post. We see the EMTs put Hernandez into an ambulance. Various faces (and Shannon Moore) watch Hernandez go away. Taz and Tenay still have their serious voices on.

• Recap of THE BAND’S victory last night. I didn’t watch because I hate seeing Scott Hall looking old and fat, but he looked pretty good.

• James Storm and Robert Roode are out to start the main event. RVD and Jeff Hardy make their entrances (separately) and I wonder which theme song is worse. Both are pretty awful. Tenay lets us know we are going to stay with the match until it’s conclusion.

Match Five
Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam v. Beer Money Inc.

Jeff Hardy and James Storm start the match. Storm attacks with several blows to the head. He whips Hardy but Hardy slides out of the ring and slams Roode to the floor. He gets back in and shoulderblocks James Storm. Hardy elevates James Storm onto Robert Roode on the outside. Jeff Hardy sets up a ladder between the guardrail and the ring and we get an awful placed commercial break.

We get a commercial cut in seeing RVD delivering a legdrop to Robert Roode on the apron.

We’re back. Rob Van Dam poses but that lets Robert Roode whip him into a corner. Roode charges but Van Dam puts up an elbow. Moonsault crossbody from RVD to Roode. James Storm gets tagged in quickly and pokes RVD in the eye. Storms runs off the ropes but Rob Van Dam kicks him. Van Dam tags in Jeff Hardy who comes in with punches. Inverted Atomic Drop by Hardy is followed up with a legdrop. Front Suplex delivered by Hardy. He makes the cover but Bobby Roode breaks it up.

Hardy tries an attack in the corner but Roode pushes him off the turnbuckle as we learn Tara and Daffney have a first blood match next week. Roode gets tagged in and attacks the face of Jeff Hardy. Neckbreaker by Roode. He covers and gets a two count. Storm tagged in. They double team Jeff Hardy prompting Taz to say VINTAGE BEER MONEY. Chinlock applied by James Storm to Jeff Hardy. Hardy gets to his feet and tries to elbow his way out. Storms sends Hardy to the mat and tags in Robert Roode. He taunts RVD. RVD tries to come in but that distracts the ref and allows Roode to choke Hardy. Chinlock applied by Roode. Hardy gets to his feet and delivers a jawbreaker to Roode. Hardy runs off the ropes but Roode catches him with a spinebuster. Cover gets a two count.

James Storm tagged in. He taunts Rob Van Dam by attacking Jeff Hardy. Sleeper hold applied by Storm. Hardy gets to his feet and elbows Storm off. He runs off the ropes and we get a double crossbody spot. Both men down. Hardy tags in RVD. Ref didn’t see it. Storm and Roode attack Jeff Hardy. Roode (who made a tag sound with his hands to enter the match) tags in Storm and holds down Hardy. Storm punches Hardy in the stomach. Storm tries the Eye of the Storm but Hardy lands on his feet. Whisper in the Wind delivered! Both men down.

Tag made to Roode and Van Dam. RVD comes in with a series of clotheslines. Super Kick by RVD. He punches Storm and then attacks Roode with a spinning kick in the corner. Monkey flip by Van Dam to Roode. RVD climbs the turnbuckle and comes down with a huge kick. RVD makes the cover but Storm breaks it up at two. Storm tries to attack RVD in the corner but RVD stuns him with a kick. Front slam from Van Dam to Storm is followed up with a split-legged moonsault. He covers but Storm isnt the legal man. Jeff Hardy tries to get involved but Storm kicks him. Double suplex from Beer Money to Jeff Hardy. Roode catapults RVD into a James Storm DDT. He covers and gets a two count.

Roode turns his attention to Jeff Hardy. Hardy reverses an attack and lands the Twist of Fate. He motions for the swanton but Storm sends him to the outside. Hardy sends the ladder into Storm knocking him out. Rolling thunder from RVD to Robert Roode. Swanton Bomb by Jeff Hardy. Five Star Frog Splash by Rob Van Dam. He covers to end the match.

WINNER: Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam
Good match to end the show. Both teams looked good and there really wasn’t a sloppy moment from any individual.

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• Jeff Hardy and RVD celebrate. Eric Young jumps the guardrail and says he just talked to Hulk and TNA management. He says there is a six-man tag for next week. Kevin Nash, Sean Waltman and Scott Hall versus Eric Young, Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy. The three men pose in the middle of the ring to end the program.

Quick Results

» The Beautiful People and Daffney def. Tara, Taylor Wilde, Sarita and Angelina Love [Pinfall, Daffney pinned Tara]
» Rob Terry def. Tomko [Pinfall, Spinebuster]
» Jeff Jarrett def. Mick Foley [Pinfall, The Stroke]
» Matt Morgan def. Hernandez [Ref stoppage, Carbon Footprint on Hernandez]
» Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam def. Beer Money Inc. [Pinfall, RVD pinned Robert Roode]