wrestling / TV Reports
411’s TNA Impact Report 3.22.07
-We get a video recap of last week’s show.
-JB is with Joe, Angle and Rhino. They are in action tonight, and they are huge ego’s. They take pride in being the best, and they are unifying and are part of a machine that will run over Team Cage.
-Tenay and West welcome us to the show and run down the card.
Rhino, Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle vs. Serotonin (Kaz, Havok and Martyr)
Rhino and Martyr to kick things off. Boots by Rhino, off the ropes and a shoulder block to Martyr. A clothesline follows and then a tag to Angle. Martyr runs and tags in Kaz. Kaz misses a right and eats a wicked German. Uppercuts by Angle and then rights. He lays the boot to him and tags Joe in, Kaz rolls and tags Havok in. He charges and a snap powerslam by Joe. Jabs to Havok, snap mare, shops and kicks, off the ropes and Martyr kicks him, he levels him and then Havok. Kaz tags in now, atomic drop by Joe and a running boot to him. GORE THE FUCK OUT OF HAVOK by Rhino! Olympic Slam to Kaz! MUSCLE BUSTER TO Martyr! 1…2…3.
Winner: Team Angle 2k7 @ 2:22 via pin
-Leticia is with Cage and AJ. They just saw the match and AJ says they looked really good and wonders what he has gotten into. AJ wants to know where Tomko and Abyss are. AJ agreed to this because of the title shot. Cage threatens to take the title shot away, and reminds AJ that HE is the champ. AJ needs to look at the big picture, and Cage promises that at the end of tonight, things will be even…he thinks.
-Back from commercial and in the back, during the break Video Game Raven lectures Serotonin in bondage. He pours hot wax on Havok, and discusses torture being their friend. Sweet guy.
-Tenay and West hype Lockdown in St. Louis.
-JB is with Sting and Abyss. Sting is sans pain and in sunglasses. Hell has frozen over, and Abyss no longer needs his cage. Sting says there is one more obstacle and he will overcome it. He has never steered him wrong and is out for his own good. Sting’s eye is fucked from that candle shot and says Abyss just has to take what he wants. Cage and AJ, your future is bleak, because it is time for your last rites.
-3D is in the ring. They have some boxes and want to have words with LAX. Homicide y Hernandez make their way out to the ring. Ray says it has been a long three months and they have beat each other down for those months and LAX has got the better of them. They have done everything to protect the titles and they have pissed of 3D like no other. Ray says they understand them because they are the same. They are just as bad HOMEY. But, Konnan tells us that you want our legacy. You don’t get that by asking, you earn that in this business. They pull out replicas of all the titles that they have won and thrown them on the mat. WWE, WCW and ECW. What about the All Japan Real League titles? At Lockdown, 3D is ALL IN. Their legacy vs. the NWA tag Titles. They offer a handshake and Konnan now wheels out with Machete. Konnan limps into the ring with a crutch and stares them down. He calls them Butterbean and Krispy Kreme. He says they don’t care about those belts, because they won’t pretend to be champs of other places. They have already beat them, but offer a new time of match. They want an Electrified Steel Cage match! Until you beat LAX, you cannot claim a legacy.
-Cornette looks pissed backstage.
-Back from commercial and Backlund wants a match at Lockdown. He provides a urine sample and says he has never eaten Marijuana. Cornette says he can referee as rematch between Starr and Senshi, but he cannot get involved tonight in Starr’s match. Cornette then says there are chunks in the Urine. Eww.
-Roode talks to Starr in the entrance tube.
Eric Young vs. THE Austin Starr
Young plays the crowd and Starr attacks and beats him down. Slams him to the corner and Young stops him and slams Starr to the corner. Off the ropes and a dropkick by Starr. Starr sets Young up top, elbows, back rake and dance by Starr. Roode and Brooks make their way out to watch the match. Starr chokes out Young with his tassels~! Young battles back, but an STO by Starr. Corkscrew elbow misses! Back elbow by Young. Another. Off the ropes and a backdrop to Starr. Corner Flair flip by Young, up top and the elbow drop connects! Roode in to celebrate, and attacks Young then. Boot by Starr, STARR BUSTER connects. 1…2…3.
Winner: THE Austin Starr @ 2:55 via pin
-After the match Roode and Brooks yell at Young. Petey is out and shoves Roode away. They brawl and Petey levels him. Brooks attacks and gets tossed down. Spinkick to Roode by Petey! Petey wants to shake with Young, but Brooks and Roode pull him out of the ring.
-JB is with Jerry Lynn. This is the first time he and Storm will battle. He has no beef with him, but he will beat him, take his beer, drink it and bust it over his head. He then tells Daniels if he has an issue with him, talk to him face to face. LIGHTS OUT and Daniels killed Lynn with a chair, and then chokes him out. He is wearing a Sting-like Leather Trench coat.
-Back from commercial and Chris Harris is here, he is 60% blind in his right eye but wants a match with Storm. Cornette says they can’t take the chance on the match. Cornette says they can’t do it, it is best for business. If he gets a doctor’s note, he will get his match the next day. Harris says Cornette’s best is NOT good enough.
-Storm makes his way to the ring.
James Storm w/The Pride of Tennessee Jackie Moore vs. Jerry Lynn
Lynn doesn’t come out due to the ass beating by Daniels. The ref calls the match.
Winner: James Storm via Forfeit
-Storm says he loves to drink beer and fight. He’s all out of beer, so send someone out here! The AMW music hits and Harris appears and comes to the ring. Gail tries to stop him, and Storm says don’t let her hold him back. Jackie calls her a slut and says to back off. Gail charges in and attacks Jackie. Storm pulls her off and Harris hits the ring and chases him away. He grabs the jacket, but Storm is able to escape and Gail and Jackie have to be separated. The refs suck because they can’t get them pulled apart, or they are copping feels, which I approve of.
-We are back with an advert for the new AJ DVD.
-Gail now is with Cornette and wants a match for Lockdown. Gail is here and attacks! She grabs a tennis racket from his office and nails Gail! They throw printers and shit and finally security is there to break it up.
-We get a video package for the Sting vs. Abyss feud, and the details of the events.
Sting and Abyss vs. Christian Cage © and AJ Styles
AJ and Cage attack before the bell. They pair off, Sting with Cage and they get dueling corner splashes on the heels. Sting with corner punches to Cage, AJ hot shots him off the top though and Cage with a dropkick and cover for 2. Rights by Cage, and AJ tags in. Rights by AJ, a boot by Sting and off the ropes and after reversals AJ gets the sweet dropkick and cover for 2. We now head to a commercial @ 1:50.
Back from commercial @ 5:12 and Sting eats knees on a running splash try. Cage up top…and misses a diving head butt. Tag to AJ and Abyss. Abyss cleans house and a double goozle! They escape and a backdrop to Cage, flapjack to AJ! ABYSS DOES THE DOOMSDAY himself and Cage saves AJ from the slam, big boot to AJ now after he takes Cage down. Tosses Cage in, shock treatment try connects after a boot to Cage! 1…2…Cage makes the save. Rights by Cage, Abyss snags him and AJ clips out the knee. Sting blind tags in and a dual clothesline by Abyss and a dual cross body by Sting! Abyss tosses Cage to the floor and follows. Sting and AJ pair off in the ring and James Mitchell is here with an old woman, who is ABYSS’ MOM~! Fuck!!!!!!!! I knew this was going way too well. Abyss makes eye contact and Cage and AJ beat down Sting now. Abyss is conflicted as he goes to visit his mommy. Mitchell coaxes him backstage. Sting takes the double team, but Sting’s up! He fights them off and gets a Stinger splash on Cage, then both of them! He tosses Cage to the floor, scorpion deathlock to AJ. Cage in to help, Steiner is here and NAILS Sting with a steel pipe. He hides, AJ covers and pins Sting.
Winners: AJ Styles and Christian Cage @ 9:35 via pin
-Steiner, Cage and AJ all celebrate, and all fight for the spotlight.
-We get the closing wrap up video do hickey.
