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411’s TNA Impact Report 5.13.10

May 13, 2010 | Posted by Ronnie LaFianza

Video package kicks things off, highlighting the Hogan/Sting confrontation from last week and the Wolfe/RVD squash title match from last week, along with the AJ Styles interference.

Three Tickets To Sacrifice (I don’t get it)

-Tenay and Taz run down the card for tonight, and hype the Top 10 Contenders list.

-And here comes Bischoff. He says it’s been too long since he’s been in the ring. He really loves each and every one of the people. And he now introduces the TNA Heavyweight Champion of the world, Mr. TNA, RVD.

Bischoff says it’s great to have RVD in the ring. As many of the fans know, TNA and the championship committee has created the championship poll, and over half a million people have voted. A lot of interesting information came out of the poll. Last week was Wolfe, and Hardy is now one of the top names on the poll. Bischoff schedules a match between RVD and Jeff Hardy. There’s one problem with that though. He’s been calling Jeff, and nobody can find him. What a surprise. So unfortunately, he has to give Rob the night off.

Rob says he’s really enjoying being TNA champion. The best part about being champ is defending the title and proving he’s the best. He’s here to pop ratings and giving the fans what they expect, The Whole F’N Show. GET READY TO FLY!!!

And here comes Styles. Styles tells RVD to watch his mouth, there are children present. He needs to be a roll model like AJ. AJ tells Bischoff not to say a word. AJ asks Rob if he wants to wrestle. Styles’ in the mood to hurt somebody. He asks him if he thinks the people came here to see RVD. NO!! They came here to see AJ. AJ is TNA, and TNA is AJ Styles. They didn’t come here to see some Cheech and Chong side show. AJ says he and RVD hook it up right here tonight. He says he’s gonna break RVD’s legs tonight, so at Sacrifice, he doesn’t have to break a sweat taking back his title. He will always be the champ, and RVD will always be the chump. And that brings out Hardy.

Hardy says he’s trying to get used to the 8 o’clock PM call time (it’s 9, but I digress). He says he’s ready for his match tonight. AJ says there’s already a match between AJ Styles and RVD tonight, and tells him to go paint a picture or something. Hardy says RVD’s the champ and has the key to open doors or something, and tells him to make it a Three Way match. RVD tells Bischoff to make the match. Bischoff makes it official, and AJ is pissed. Solid opening segment, especially since it didn’t take 30 minutes.

-Tenay and Taz hype the main event Three Way match as we cut to commercial.

-JB’s in the back with The Beautiful People. This Sunday it’s Madison Rayne vs Tara. Rayne says Tara needs to face the fact that she’s not champ anymore, and at Sacrifice, she’s going to prove that she deserves the belt. Velvet says after Sunday, all of the gold is staying where it’s at right now. Lacey runs off saying she has to pee? Weird.

Match 1 : Taylor Wilde (w/ Sarita) vs Tara
We get highlights of last week, where Tara turned on Wilde and Sarita.

Taylor takes down Tara and starts throwing the rights. The ref pulls her off as Tara rolls to the outside. Crossbody off the apron by Taylor and again she starts throwing the rights. Back in the ring now as Tara misses an axe handle, allowing Taylor to hit a flying heel kick. Tara begs Taylor off. Taylor charges her and Tara dumps her onto the entrance ramp. She then slams her face into it before throwing her back into the ring. Slingshot flipping leg drop attempt by Tara, but Taylor avoids it. Springboard by Taylor but it was countered by Tara with a kick to the gut. Pin and that’s all.


Winner : Tara (Way too short, but it was used to put over Tara as a legit heel, so it at least served a purpose)

Post match attack by Tara as she’s hitting Taylor with her knee brace in the gut. Sarita comes back out but Tara bails out.

-In the back now and there’s a lot of commotion going on. Wolfe is telling the cameras to get out of there as security surrounds a crying Chelsea.

-Christy Hemme is telling us that Chelsea was apparently attacked moments ago.

Match 2 : Brian Kendrick vs Douglas Williams
Williams still has the X-Division championship, and he’s got a mic too. He tells Kendrick that he’s not only crazy, but a loser. He hasn’t seen him win a single match, and he’s not worthy of a shot to his title.

Kendrick attacks Williams from behind. European uppercuts by Williams, and he hits him with a knee in the corner. Snap suplex by Douglas but he only gets two on the pin. Kendrick fights back, but runs into a spinning back elbow. Kaz joins Tenay and Taz on commentary. Kendrick reverses a slam and hits some kicks. Flying forearm smash by Kendrick. Doug rolls to the outside. He takes Kendrick’s leg and slams it into the apron. Back on the inside as Williams DDT’s the leg and locks in the half legged boston crab. Kaz says he’s getting his title back. Williams grabs it, and that allows Kendrick to roll him up for the win.

Winner : Douglas Williams (Again, way too short to be anything good, but it at least helped build, somewhat, to the title match Sunday)

-We’re in the back now as Christy asks someone what just happened. The guys says he can’t believe what he just heard.

-Christy is again in the back, and says that she can confirm the name of the alleged attacker. She’ll be standing by.

Match 3 : Generation Me vs World Tag Team Champions Matt Morgan – Handicapped match
Generation Me right on the attack, but Morgan pushes them off. Double clothesline to both of them. Hellivator to Jeremy. Carbon Footprint to Max. Morgan now grabs a mic. He asks Hogan if it looks like we’re playing. They promised him bloodshed. He’s gonna let the bloodshed being. He throws Jeremy to the outside. He sets him up against the ringpost. HERE COMES JOE!!!

Morgan rolls back into the ring and Joe looks pissed. Here we go. They start trading shots. Morgan misses a Carbon Footpring and Joe hits him with an enzuigiri to the back of the head. MOTHER F’N MUSCLE BUSTER!!!! Morgan’s out. Joe walks away. I’m assuming that match ended by disqualification (although I don’t even know if the opening bell rang). And here comes The Band.

Nash has got the Feast or Fired Briefcase (I thought TNA forgot about that).

Match 4 : The Band (w/ Eric Young) vs Matt Morgan(C) – TNA World Tag Team Championship
Nash and Hall are cashing in. Nash covers Morgan and it’s over.

Winner : The Band (Nothing of a match, as it was purely angle advancement)

-Moore and Neal are in the back. Moore tells Neal they have to be careful, and that it’s all about the titles.

Match 5 : Team 3D vs Beer Money vs The Motor City Machine Guns vs Ink Inc. – Four Way Tag Team match
Shelley and Storm are gonna start things off. Tie up to start, and Storm pushes Shelley into the corner. Shelley with the forearms. He slides under the legs, reverses a slam. Sabin gets the tag and throws Storm to the outside. The Guns take down Roode. Suicide Dive to Storm. Cover by Sabin but only two. Storm throws Sabin to the mat. Devon and Roode get the tags. They trade rights, but Devon gets the upper hand. Knee to Roode, and now he’s in control. Roode counters a backdrop attempt but gets powerslammed. Shelley breaks up the pin by poking Devon in the eye. Ray gets the tag and they hit Roode with a double flapjack. Moore gets the tag and hits Roode with a crossbody off the top. Moore tries to float over Roode in the corner, but he gets caught and thrown to the outside. Storm with the shots to Moore now before throwing him back inside. Storm now gets the tag and Beer Money hits Storm with a double back elbow before hitting him with some wheelbarrow/codebreaker combination. Roode gets the tag now and hits Moore with a snapmare and then knees the back before locking in the rear chin lock. Moore fights out. He hits Roode with a sunset flip. Pin but only two. Clothesline by Roode. Cover but the Guns break it up. Storm gets the tag and starts hitting the knees to Moore’s head. Rear chin lock by Storm. Moore fights out. Wheelbarrow bulldog by Moore. Roode gets the tag, but Moore pushes him off. Neal in and he starts taking it to Roode. He follows up with a huge backdrop. Ducks a clothesline and hits a reverse backsuplex. Pin but Storm breaks it up. Ray with a double clothesline to Beer Money. The Guns hit Ray with a double kicks. Devon fights them off, but gets tripped. Shelley grabs the head on the float over and Sabin hits the basement dropkick. Sabin dropkicks Roode off the apron. Roode trips Sabin on the apron but Shelley hits him with a crossbody over the top. Doomsday Device by 3D to Neal. Moore breaks up the pin and starts taking it to 3D. Neal breaks up the 3D attempt. Moore avoids Ray in the corner and hits the Mooregasm. Spear by Neal and it’s over.

Winner : Ink Inc.(Solid match here. The action never slowed down and it was pretty damn entertaining. Plus, the win helps put over Ink Inc. as challengers for the tag titles, so it’s all good)

-Flair talks about how it’s a big night for TNA. The three way tonight is very important. Flair may have been barred from the ring, but AJ doesn’t need him. He guarantees RVD will be limping at Sacrifice.

-Here comes Rob Terry as he gets ready for his match against Abyss.

Match 6 : Rob Terry(C) vs Abyss – TNA Global Championship
I guess being from part’s unknown qualifies you as a challenger for a Global title. Abyss’ music is playing, but he’s nowhere to be seen.

In the back and we see Abyss being cuffed by police officers. He says he hasn’t done anything. He asks where Dixie and Hulk is. Can you imagine being locked in a cell and having this giant 350 pound guy in a mask put in there with you. Hilarious.

Wolfe attacks Abyss as he’s being put in the car. Abyss keeps yelling that he didn’t do anything. Hogan comes out now. Abyss says he didn’t do anything. Hogan says it’s going to be ok and not to worry. They want him to take his mask off. Hogan tells the cameraman to get out of here. Hogan takes off Abyss’s mask and puts the hood over his head (his back was to the camera the entire time). They put Abyss into the car and take him away.

-Tenay tells us that this situation is extreme. Terry is in the ring right now, and Jordan attacks him from behind. He hits him with a low blow, and he rolls to the outside. He’s got a steel pipe. He hits Terry in the back with it. He then takes out a card that says The Wild Card on it, and he puts it on Terry’s back.

-We’re back now and Orlando Jordan is in the ring. We get highlights of the attack that we just witnessed. Jordan says it’s about time that we cut the foreplay. He’s the TNA Wild Card. You people want him to leave. Then allow him to fufill there fantasy. He now gives an open challenge.

And that brings out Tomko.

Match 6 : Orlando Jordan vs Tomko
Tomko picks up Jordan and throws him into the corner before hitting him with a huge double leg. Jordan takes him down with a double leg and starts throwing the rights. Jordan charges him in the corner but Tomko avoids. Military press into a fallaway slam by Tomko. Jordan rolls out of a slam attempt and hits Tomko with a dropkick. He’s now choking Tomko in the ropes. Snapmare by Jordan and he locks in a sleeper. He then hits him with another snapmare and locks in another sleeper. Tomko fights out and hits Jordan with a huge clothesline. Pin but only two. Jordan fights out of the double handed chokeslam and hits a backcraker. Guillotine by Jordan. Tomko passes out.

Winner : Orlando Jordan(I don’t like Jordan, and there was nothing special about this match)

Hogan is in the back and says he knows Abyss wouldn’t do that. Lacey of all people tells Hogan that it wasn’t him and gives him an Itouch or something (I don’t know, they weren’t very descriptive).

-Bischoff is in the back with Tara and is complaining about her attitude. Tara says that’s only a sample of what’s going to happen at Sacrifice.

Match 7 : Tara vs Sarita
Sarita requested this match, and Bischoff had no problem making it.

Sarita charges Tara on the ramp and hits her with a snapmare. She then punts her in the gut. She’s got Tarra by the hair now and just throws her back into the ring. Tara rolls to the outside and Sarita slams her head into the steel steps. Sarita ducks a backfist and hits a dropkick. Back on the inside now as Sarita goes to the top. She jumps over Tara and hits her with a clothesline. Flipping armdrag by Sarita, and Tara is begging her off. Tara kicks her over the top, but Sarita lands and hits a slingshot splash. She goes after the leg now, but the ref pulls her back. Sarita hits the ref by accident and Tara hits Sarita with the knee brace. Cover and that’s all.

Winner : Tara(My god, I think there’s only been one match to go past 3 minutes tonight. This one again helped put over Tara as a legit heel, so it at least served a purpose)

-AJ’s getting ready for the main event, which is up next.

-We get a promo hyping up the Sacrifice main event and the Jarrett/Sting match.

-Before things get started, RVD talks about AJ and Hardy. He’s going to show them that he’s the Whole F’N Show.

Match 8 : TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam vs AJ Styles vs Jeff Hardy – Three Way match – Non Title Bout
Before this one gets started, AJ gets in one of the fans faces. He takes his glasses and puts them on himself, goading the fan to do something.

AJ goes after Hardy and RVD. RVD catches AJ’s kick and hits him with a spin kick to the jaw. Double hiptoss by RVD and Hardy. Scoop slam by Hardy, and RVD hits a spin legdrop. Hardy goes for the cover but RVD breaks it up. Hardy hits the spinning wheelbarrow kick to RVD, sending him to the outside. Backdrop to AJ by Hardy. Cover but only two. RVD hits a thrust kick on Hardy, and then two spin kicks to AJ. Suplex to Hardy, and he then suplexes AJ. Cover but Hardy breaks it up. Reverse sitout suplex by Jeff to RVD, and then hits one on AJ. Hardy hits a Stunner type of move on RVD, and then AJ with a neckbreaker. AJ comes back and starts hitting Rob with the elbows. Dragon screw to RVD. AJ then splashes Hardy in the corner. Rob tries to float over AJ in the corner, but AJ stops short and chop blocks the leg. He starts working down the leg now before locking in the Figure Four. Hardy hits AJ with a leg drop, forcing him to break it up. Hardy goes to the top, but AJ crotches him up there, sending him to the outside. Huge monkey flip by Rob to AJ. Anderson is on the outside and clotheslines Hardy. RVD goes for a thrust kick off the top, but AJ pulls the ref in front of him. Rob goes after Anderson and throws him into the guardrail. AJ with a flip dive over the top, taking out all three guys. AJ then DDT’s Rob on the outside. He throws him back in and goes for the cover. He’s got his feet on the ropes and that’s enough to end it. Seriously?

Winner : AJ Styles (It wasn’t bad, but TNA was advertising this as a dream main event. It was like 8 minutes long and felt really disjointed. AJ said he was going into this to injure Rob, and he really didn’t do much. Overall, this match didn’t need to take place and could have been saved for another occasion)

-Post match see’s Anderson say he’s really sorry sarcastically. Hardy’s got a mic now as he and Rob are in the ring. Hardy tells RVD he’s got this. He tells Anderson to get to the ring. Anderson starts to walk away, but here comes the Hulkster, brother. Anderson turns around, and Hogan shakes his head. Anderson goes for a shot, but Hogan counters with one of his own. Hardy comes out of nowhere with a forearm shot of his own. Hardy and Anderson now brawling as we go to commercial.

We’re back and Anderson is now in control. He hits Hardy with some huge forearm shots. Hardy throws Anderson into the barricade, and Tenay is telling us we’re going to see the footage Lacey shot earlier. Hardy throws Anderson into the wall now, and he goes up on top of the announce table. SWANTON THROUGH A TABLE!!! That was pretty sweet. Hardy and Anderson are both out. The refs and medics go to check up on Anderson as we keep getting replays of the move. Hardy’s music plays him out.

-We’re now looking at the footage. Wolfe and Chelsea are in a bathroom and Wolfe apparently set up Abyss (big surprise) by making it look like Chelsea was attacked.

-Tenay says they’ve been exposed. They hype the match this Sunday at Sacrifice. Join TNA live Sunday for Sacrifice on PPV. We now get a video package of Styles/RVD. There’s a lot of hype being put into that match, as it seems to be the major selling point of Sacrifice. It better live up to the hype. We now get another video package highlighting the entire PPV event with Manchester Orchestra’s “Shake It Out”. And we’re out.

Overall : A shit ton of matches, and none of them got any time besides the Four Way Tag and the main event. A lot of this show was used to build towards Sacrifice though, and the build wasn’t that bad. The main event was a huge let down though as I was expecting to give it 4 Hogan Heads, and was disappointed that I had to give it 2. The high points of this show would be the Four Way Tag, the Joe/Morgan confrontation and the Hardy Swanton Bomb. Low points would be the shit ton of matches with no time, the tag team title change (although I’m willing to give it a chance as long as they’re willing to put over younger teams), and the main event (only because it was a major let down). This was a decent episode of Impact.

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Ronnie LaFianza
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