411’s WWE Fastlane Preview

~THE STAFF~
* 411 columnist, Mr. Justin Watry.
* 411 columnist, Mr. Steve Cook.
* 411 reviewer, Mr. Kevin Pantoja.
* 411 contributor, Mr. Jake Chambers.

Natalya & Carmella vs. Naomi & Becky Lynch

JUSTIN WATRY: Does it matter? I say that with all due respect. All four are talented and will surely find their way on the WrestleMania 34 card. Somewhere. Sadly though, this is just a tag team bout to throw on the card and waste 15 minutes. Yeah, fifteen. This show will need a couple of lengthy matches on the under card. The only reason I am picking the heels is due to the Money in the Bank winner Carmella still holding the briefcase. Usually that would entail a loss so close to a cash in but not here. Personally, I’d have them lose, but this is a predictions column, and I need some heels to be victorious on Sunday…

WINNER: Natalya & Carmella

Steve Cook: This would be a good opportunity for Carmella to win & get a little bit of attention. She does still have the MITB briefcase, right? Or did James Ellsworth take it out of the company with him? It’s tough to say. Naomi & Becky both deserve to be doing something of value, and maybe they’ll get a chance after WrestleMania when things get shaken up.

WINNER: Naomi & Becky Lynch

Kevin Pantoja: Talk about a match that doesn’t matter. I love Becky and Carmella. If I were booking, that would be the main title program on Smackdown. You’ve got the best babyface against the best heel. Anyway, I think Carmella and Natalya could use the win much more. But, Carmella has the Money in the Bank briefcase, which basically means she must lose a ton. That’ll happen here.

WINNER: Becky Lynch and Naomi

Jake Chambers: The end (again) of the single-brand PPVs at least will be the death of these glorified TV shows presented as “special events”. The WWE has twice now squandered the opportunity to put on PPVs with lower-tier wrestlers, give them all interesting things to do and have extended matches on PPV. It’s insane how they have completely repeated the exact same problem, and is it any less insane for us to think they won’t turn around and do it all over again in a couple of years? Who could possibly have anything constructive to say about this match? Or any of the matches on this card, really. The WWE has sat us in the corner like we’re Baby, and there is no Patrick Swayze coming to fairy tale lift us into the air with for an exhilarating dance.

WINNER: No one looking for “the time of their life” with this match

Rusev vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Justin Watry: No explanation needed.

WINNER: Shinsuke Nakamura

Steve Cook: I would love for Rusev to win this match. The dude tries with everything he’s thrown by creative and somehow gets it to work. Rusev Day wasn’t supposed to be a hit that lasted longer than the feud he & Aiden English had with The New Day, but it did. He deserves the kind of push that Nakamura is going. AJ Styles vs. Rusev would be pretty great at WrestleMania, right? This match is here to give Nakamura something to do. Too bad they didn’t think of it sooner, the one segment they had to set this up was tremendous.

WINNER: Shinsuke Nakamura

Kevin Pantoja: RUSEV DAY! Honestly, I wish Rusev won the Royal Rumble and we got Rusev/AJ Styles at WrestleMania. I guarantee the build would’ve been better. Also, Rusev has been putting in effort over the past year, while Nakamura has mostly slept walked since the Sami Zayn match when he debuted. But yeah, we know the outcome. Nakamura wins.

WINNER: Shinsuke Nakamura

Jake Chambers: I’d say Rusev has about as much chance of winning this match as one time NBA league MVP, and now seemingly damaged goods, Derrick Rose has of becoming starting point guard for his new team the Minnesota Timberwolves, leading them to the NBA Finals, hitting a championship winning shot in Game 7 and being crowned Finals MVP. I mean, it’s not impossible.

WINNER: Rusev

Smackdown Tag Team Title Match: Champions the Usos vs. The New Day

@JustinWatry: If The Usos are finally going to get on the main card for Mania, they better hope their opponents are NOT The Bludgeon Brothers. That reeks of the Kickoff Show from a mile away. Other than that, the only other option is more stuff with The New Day. No thanks. The trio already hosted the event last year and held the tag belts on RAW for 194,395 straight days without defending the titles and/or losing on pay-per-view multiple times. Honky Tonked’ their way to a record. Long story short, I would almost just go back to Shelton Benjamin and Chad Gable as challengers. heck, throw them all in a huge ladder match. I assume the stipulation will be added to WM somewhere. Either here or for the IC Championship picture. Rambling over: The Usos retain and hopefully get their deserved spot come WM34.

WINNER: The Usos

Steve Cook: The legendary feud continues! Well, people tell me it’s legendary anyway. They’ve had some good matches, but I can’t really get behind this pairing as the greatest tag teams of all time. The winners of this will likely get Bludgeoned sooner rather than later. Heck, they might get Bludgeoned at this show. I see the Usos winning & both of these teams facing the Bludgeon Brothers at WrestleMania. Throw Rusev Day in there too, why not?

WINNER: The Usos

Kevin Pantoja: It was the best tag team rivalry, arguably in history. Since it happened so recently, it’ll be kind of odd to watch again. Not that it won’t be good, but they’re only a few months removed from a violent Hell in a Cell match. Now, we get a regular tag match, so it’ll feel strange. Regardless, it should be great and my pick for the match of the night. It’s a tough call, since they like to switch titles often. However, I think the Usos should hold the titles going into Mania. So, I’m picking a New Day title switch.

WINNER: The New Day

Jake Chambers: The Spice Girls had a lot of great pop hits. They were a cultural phenomenon. “Wannabe”, for example, is a great song, so is “Stop” or “Spice Up Your Life”. Those are the kind of songs you can hear hundreds of times and never get sick of them. That’s what a great pop act does. But can you take the same song thousands of times? Tens of thousands of times? Millions of times? Do you really want to see the Spice Girls reunite and do all those same songs again in 2018? You can see where I’m going with this, right? We’ve reached the Spice Girls Reunion Tour level with this New Day/Usos rivalry.

WINNER: Whichever New Day member gets to be the Posh Spice and sit this one out

US Title Match: Champion Bobby Roode vs. Randy Orton

Justin Watry: Maybe it is just me but shouldn’t this feel like a much bigger match? Bobby Roode is one guy who I have been begging to come to WWE for years and actually predicted his impending NXT arrival just four months before it happened. Now he is on Smackdown LIVE carrying the United States Title as The Glorious One. Then there is legacy star, Mr. RKO. He can be put anywhere on the card and be relevant, trustworthy, and deliver a solid/great performance. Hair or no hair, the dude is still in amazing shape and can wrestle at a high level without blinking. That is why I am a little stunned to NOT be more pumped for this showdown. A dream match for some. Weird. With Mania just four weeks away, it will be very intriguing to learn where both Roode and Orton land. A rematch? Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal? A multi-man cluster? Something else that nobody else is thinking of? I will go with Roode to retain but not with a ton of confidence. Both feel like potential RAW Superstars come April, truth be told.

WINNER: Bobby Roode

Steve Cook: I’ve already picked Bobby Roode in other venues, but recently I’ve been having second thoughts. It’s been a long time since Orton won a singles championship, and he’s never been the United States Champion. What better time than the present? Roode will allegedly get his heat back at WrestleMania, in a match probably involving Jinder Mahal because…sorry, I fell asleep while writing this.

WINNER: Randy Orton

Kevin Pantoja: Are you guys ready for a high quality **1/2 match? That’s about what I’m expecting here. Randy Orton has been dreadful outside of a handful of matches (thanks AJ and Luke Harper) since 2017. You know a feud is dull when the saving grace of it has been Jinder Mahal. Really think about that. Jinder Mahal. Roode wins and we get some kind of multi-man match at Mania.

WINNER: Bobby Roode

Jake Chambers: Why would Randy Orton care about winning the US Title on a PPV where Baron Corbin, Sami Zayn and Dolph Ziggler are all getting a shot at the WWE Title? This is like if the Cavs were going to play the Lonzo Ball and the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals, but LeBron James decided to just go play for the G-League Championship instead. And so, obviously LeBron would win that title, right? How fake would it look if he went and lost to some lower level players like that?

WINNER: The Canton Charge… I mean, Randy Orton

Smackdown Women’s Title Match: Champion Charlotte Flair vs. Ruby Riott

Justin Watry: Two nights ago in Milwaukee during the Raw taping, I told my buddy that the women’s division was about to become VERY interesting in the next eight days and that a shakeup was on the horizon. He tends to avoid spoilers and such, so he was curious…but I bit my tongue. I don’t know if he is reading this or not, hopefully not. Charlotte will keep their title belt over Ruby Riott. That is for certain. What happens afterwards or on Tuesday night is another story. We’ll see. Woo!

WINNER: Charlotte Flair

Steve Cook: Ruby has potential. I can’t bring myself to suggest she’s anywhere near Charlotte’s league, even if the Riott Squad was comprised of thirty women. After all, Charlotte fought off Natalya & the whole division the last time she defended the title on PPV. The Riott Squad will pose no threat. Her likely WrestleMania opponent that won the Women’s Royal Rumble Match, on the other hand…

WINNER: Charlotte Flair

Kevin Pantoja: I badly want Carmella as Smackdown Women’s Champion. However, Ruby Riott is a great alternative. I just need one of them to save me from the dire Smackdown Women’s Title picture because Naomi, Natalya, and Charlotte are the most boring trio of champions I can ever recall in a row. Ruby would be a great choice, but there’s no way she wins here. With Alexa seemingly set up for something new on Raw, I suspect Charlotte retains and gets challenged by Asuka for Mania. Hopefully, Asuka just runs her over.

WINNER: Lady Big Dog

Jake Chambers: I’m not sure which version of the WWE I like less. The one where they put on this match on a PPV only for Charlotte to win, as everyone would expect, making it a monumental waste of time. Or the one where Ruby Riott wins as some kind of shocking “swerve”. Of course, just having an amazing match would be the best-case scenario, but that’s not an option for WWE in 2018. So we’re all left to debate the obviousness of a Charlotte victory or the stupidity of a Riott championship win in a match sure to be average at best.

WINNER: Fans of 2 1/2 star matches

WWE Title Match: Champion AJ Styles vs. John Cena vs. Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens

Justin Watry: Like most multi-man matches, it is easiest to use a process of elimination when deciding a winner. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn are wrapped up in their drama. No win for them. Dolph Ziggler is still crying and moaning about his career without accepting any blame. No win for him. Baron Corbin would make a nice ideal opponent for Roode in the U.S. Title picture at Mania. Zero chance he suddenly becomes a main event player weeks before the biggest event of the year. No win for him. John Cena has the story going for getting his 17th WWE/World Title to make history. However, that has been teased a bunch with no payoff. Besides, I think he will be doing something else at WM34 with no belt involved. No win for him. That leaves AJ Styles. Considering I listed him vs. Shinsuke Nakamura as the Smackdown LIVE main event last April…yeah, WWE will deliver. Nakamura got the Royal Rumble victory. AJ Styles got the WWE Championship. It was a very bumpy ride to get there for the blue brand, but the payoff is always what matters most. If 2017’s lull was a means to an end to get us to Styles/Nakamura for the top prize in the industry at WM34 in New Orleans with 70,000 fans in attendance, it was all worth it.

WINNER: AJ Styles

Steve Cook: This should be a really fun match. Styles, Cena, Zayn & Owens are generally very good in multi-man matches. Corbin & Ziggler usually don’t drag things down too much. The only real issues are that there’s no sense of drama and there isn’t an Elimination Chamber to liven things up like we had on the previous PPV. Cena needs to lose to continue his WrestleMania mystery storyline. Owens & Zayn are destined to fight forever in the Andre Battle Royal. We’ve already seen both Corbin & Ziggler face Nakamura in singles matches, and we don’t need to see either again. Styles is the obvious choice, which is obvious.

WINNER: AJ Styles

Kevin Pantoja: Road Dogg is a terrible booker. That’s been the case since the start of 2017 and this is another example. When you can’t book a competent story, you just throw a bunch of guys into a clusterfuck. That’s what we’ve got here. Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens have the most compelling story in this, which I’d like to see either end with a singles match at Mania or a tag against the Usos for the titles. Dolph is a waste of space, while Corbin lost all momentum. Cena’s obviously not winning his record 17th at Fastlane. AJ Styles retains and the fans get their AJ/Nakamura matchup at Mania.

WINNER: AJ Styles

Jake Chambers: I’m going to do three things here: (A) Explain why Styles/Nakamura being any good at WrestleMania is a fantasy, (B) convince you that Owens/Zayn at WrestleMania for the WWE Title is a superior match, and (C) tell you why NEITHER is going to happen.

(A) This myth that AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura are going to have some kind of mind-blowing classic at a WrestleMania in 2018 is incredibly naive. Just think about WrestleManias in general, when was the last time there was a legit Match of the Year – let alone a WWE Match of the Year – at a WrestleMania (HBK vs. ‘taker in 2010, Bryan vs. HHH in 2014)… and those were matches featuring WWE legends/main event-ers who proved themselves in the WWE time and time again. WWE is not in the business of putting on classic wrestling matches at WrestleMania, and certainly not giving that opportunity to B-level performers. AJ Styles is coming off a mediocre 2017 at best, and Nakamura easily just had the worst year of his career. There is no story to their rivalry other than one story-less match they had against each other in NJPW in 2016 that wasn’t the best match on that Wrestle Kingdom event, nor the best match either man had that year, yet it gets hyped as some kind of brilliant touchstone moment in wrestling history. It’s not. (B) On the other hand, Kevin Steen and El Generico feuded for over a year in ROH and PWG, having multiple classic matches, and unlike Styles/Nakamura there is an actual compelling narrative behind their rivalry. And while neither of them had a particularly hot 2017, they have actually had amazing matches against each other in the WWE. These are two friends who have probably discussed what they would do together at WrestleMania for over a decade, so to let them go for the WWE Title at WrestleMania this year would no doubt be the superior story and in-ring performance compared to the sure-to-be forgettable match from Average AJ and Naka-snore-a. (C) The WWE is not going to give you either of these matches though. My guess, the WWE Title Match at WrestleMania turns into some kind of multi-man match (maybe with a ladder, oh boy!), and they will signal this by swerving us all at the last minute and having someone else win the title at Fastlane. With the WWE looking to lock up new US TV rights, draw more (free) subscribers for WrestleMania season, and likely sell the whole damn company for more than the UFC was worth, they just can’t put on a Network exclusive PPV that is this bad and predictable on paper. If they can create some buzz then they win; positive or negative doesn’t matter, as long as they do something unexpected. So I’m predicting that one man will pull out the surprise victory just like he has his whole career in big moments, the recently re-signed (likely with a championship win clause) man with no theme song (kind of), the man who vacated that stupid US Title just for this very moment… yes, the hair-whipping, bounce-selling, lapsed internet darling himself…

WINNER: Dolph Ziggler

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