Movies & TV / Columns
From the B-Movie Vault: The Punisher (1989) and Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD
Image Credit: New World Pictures
From the B-Movie Vault Issue #16: The Punisher (1989) and Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD (1998)
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the latest From the B-Movie Vault. I’m Bryan Kristopowitz.
Last issue, I took a look at the reviews I did for the great low-budget Reb Brown Captain America TV movies, Captain America and Captain America II: Death Too Soon, both of which debuted in 1979 on CBS. I originally did those reviews way back in 2016, when I did a month long review marathon of low-budget Marvel movies. In this issue, I’ve decided to continue with the whole “low-budget Marvel movie marathon” theme with the reviews I did for the 1989 classic Dolph Lundgren action flick The Punisher and the 1998 Fox broadcast network TV movie Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD starring Michael Knight hisself David Hasselhoff. I love both of those movies, and I think the reviews I did for them were both pretty good. And I will likely continue on with this “low-budget Marvel movie marathon” theme for the next little while, as there are still two Incredible Hulk TV movies, the officially unreleased Roger Corman Fantastic Four movie, and the Albert Pyun directed Captain America movie still outstanding. So, you know, be on the lookout for all of that.
And so, without any further what have you, let’s take a look back at the terrific The Punisher starring Dolph Lundgren and Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD starring David Hasselhoff. Enjoy.
**
(Author’s Note: This review originally appeared in issue #356 of The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, which came out in April 2016)
The Punisher (1989)
The Punisher, directed by Mark Goldblatt, is a movie that I’ve been in love with since I first saw it on home video back in 1990. I can still remember being in absolute awe of the movie and its star Dolph Lundgren after watching it the first time. My favorite comic book character had his own movie, and while it made major changes to the comic book character in terms of his origin and costume (Frank Castle is a cop and he there’s no white skull on the chest of his Punisher outfit), it still felt like the Punisher. Lundgren was a scary badass as Frank Castle, and the movie was chock full of jaw dropping action. Now, over twenty five years later (Now, in 2026, over three decades later), I’m still in awe of the movie. It isn’t the definitive Punisher movie anymore (2008’s Punisher: War Zone and star Ray Stevenson are now the definitive movie and performance), but The Punisher 1989 is still pretty damn awesome.
Lundgren’s The Punisher starts off with Lundgren’s vigilante killing off one of the mobsters that ordered the hit on his family, stabbing the scumbag Dino Moretti (Bryan Marshall) in the back and then blowing up his gigantic mansion in full view of the media. See, right at the beginning of the movie we find out that Moretti has just been acquitted of all charges related to the death of Castle’s family and that he intends to continue on with his wonderful mob lifestyle. Look at the way he wears his trench coat on the steps of the courthouse. The piece of shit refuses to use the sleeves of the coat. He just rests the coat on his shoulders. What a fucking asshole. So Castle, watching the whole media circus from a distance, follows Moretti back to his mansion, kills all of Moretti’s henchmen, and then takes out Moretti off screen.
After the massive house explosion, we meet Castle’s old partner Jake Berkowitz (Louis Gossett, Jr.), who is still a cop and the head of the Punisher task force. Berkowitz believes that the Punisher is really Castle but he can’t get anyone else to believe him. Berkowitz is even told by the chief of detectives to stop the “Castle is the Punisher” stuff because it makes the mayor look bad. At the house explosion scene, Berkowitz meets Detective Sam Leary (Nancy Everhard), a young detective that desperately wants to work with him. Berkowitz doesn’t want to work with her, but once Leary tells him that she believes that Castle is the Punisher, he agrees to give her a shot.
So then some stuff happens, Gianni Franco (the great Jeroen Krabbe) arrives back in town to take over the crime syndicate that Moretti left behind, and there’s a new scheme brewing in the criminal underworld. As Franco explains to fellow mob boss Terrone (Todd Boyce), Franco wants to unite the various mob outfits into one big group so everyone can make more money (and so he can be in control because, you know, he’s Gianni fucking Franco). The first act of this new expanded mafia operation is to supervise the delivery of a massive drug shipment arriving at the city dock. Receiving the delivery should be a piece of cake, even with the prospect of the Punisher showing up to kill everyone. But then no one, not even the Punisher, knew about the Yakuza wanting a piece of the action in the city. The big drug delivery is a fiasco as the Yakuza kill several mafia guys and interdict the drug shipment, and the Punisher kills as many Yakuza soldiers as he can before he is injured and escapes. What are the Yakuza doing? Just what the hell is going on here?
So then some more stuff happens, and during a big mafia meeting in the big mafia headquarters, Lady Tanaka (Kim Miyori) arrives along with her mute white daughter (Zoshka Mizak) and two gigantic henchmen (Kenji Yamaki and Hirofumi Kanayama). Lady Tanaka is the first female leader of the Yakuza, and she tells Franco that her organization plans on taking over the city and that his outfit won’t be able to stop her. Franco and his subordinates have no intention of cooperating with Lady Tanaka, but then when Tanaka orders the kidnapping of the children of all of the local mafia heads, everything changes. The Yakuza clearly mean goddamn business.
Meanwhile, the Punisher is laying low in his sewer hideout, resting up, trying to figure out what his next move is. He doesn’t really want to help Franco and his cohorts but, at the urging of his only friend in the world, homeless drunk Shake (Barry Otto), the Punisher decides to do something. In short, he’s going to make the Yakuza wish they hadn’t come to the city in the first place.
As you can see, The Punisher is chock full of plot, and I haven’t even gotten into the plot that takes up the last section of the movie, when the Punisher and Franco team up and invade Tanaka’s headquarters. There’s just so much stuff happening in this movie, probably too much for its own good. That’s probably the one thing that has held the movie back for so long. I will say, though, that director Goldblatt and company manage to balance that overabundance of plot with great, badass action sequences that are a joy to watch. From martial arts sequences and brutal fights to gun battles, The Punisher is non-stop awesomeness. The dock sequence, where we see the Yakuza for the first time, is absolutely brutal (those spiky ball weapons that the Yakuza use have always freaked me out) and is one of the best “Dolph Lundgren with a shotgun” sequences in movie history. The amusement park sequence is another favorite, with Uzi wielding ninjas sliding down an indoor super slide and an insane motorcycle stunt where the Punisher is flung from his vehicle after his motorcycle is halted with a chain. And the bus chase is nasty and messed up. Some of the rescued kids knock a gangster off the side of a bus and then the gangster is run over by a truck. The scene will make you flinch, cringe, and then flinch again. And that sound of the truck hitting the fallen gangster. Good God. That sound will make you flinch, cringe, and then flinch again, too.
And then there’s the total destruction of the hidden casino scene. It’s basically just the Punisher shooting up an underground Yakuza casino, but it’s put together in such a fashion that it makes you stand up and cheer with each explosion (and there are multiple explosions in that casino). I also want to point out that the weapon the Punisher uses in this sequence, an M60 machine gun with an attached grenade launcher, is one of the greatest weapons in both action movie history and movie history in general. I’m shocked that the M60 with an attached grenade launcher hasn’t appeared in other action movies. Watch the movie, pay very close attention to this sequence, and try to figure out why this weapon isn’t as prevalent as the minigun from Predator (1987).
I also want to point out how supremely awesome the “safety lights” part of the Tanaka HQ invasion sequence is. The “red haze” look is sudden, and when it goes away it’s just as jarring as when it popped up. And the three small fights that the Punisher has in this part of the movie are shockingly brutal. Watch out for that neck snap scene!
And then there is the ending. The ending is fucked up. A kid holding a gun to a man’s head with the man telling the kid to shoot him? How did they get away with that?
I also want to offer praise to composer Dennis Dreith for his soundtrack work. The music is always driving and exciting, exactly what you need in an action movie. I bet that if the movie had a higher profile the soundtrack would have been a bigger deal and people would have had it as part of their CD collection back in the early 1990s. Great stuff all around. And trust me, when you listen to the main theme reprise over the end credits, you will be humming that theme for the rest of the day. You won’t be able to stop yourself.
Now, I’m willing to admit that, as a straight up comic book movie, in the wake of Tim Burton’s epic Batman (1989), that The Punisher is lacking in scope and production value. The Punisher looks small. But if you look at The Punisher as an action movie it’s one of the best of the late 1980s. And that’s what I’ll ultimately always look at it as. It’s a comic book movie, yes, a very good one, but it’s an even better action movie. In fact, it’s a great action movie through and through.
Lundgren is superb as the Punisher. He’s big, scary, imposing, and he looks like he knows what he’s doing with the weaponry. He does look a tad awkward from time to time moving around, but that’s because he’s so gigantic compared to everyone else in the movie. And, really, that “awkward” movement is what makes it a Dolph Lundgren movie. Lundgren also shows multiple times that, with the right part, he can “act,” too. His melancholy and “dead soul” face throughout the movie should be proof enough that the man can act, but if you’re looking for more specific proof, watch the scene in the prison cell with Berkowitz. Lundgren is able to hold his own quite well with the Oscar winner Lou Gossett, Jr. And Lundgren’s final scene with Tommy Franco is another great example. Lundgren can do heartfelt, even when he’s covered in grime, sweat, and blood after killing like fifty guys in ten minutes and warning a kid not to grow up to be a vicious mobster because if he does the Punisher is going to take him out. It’s an amazing scene. I would love to know what the deal is with the Punisher never going back to get the weapons that are knocked from his hands. That has always seemed strange to me.
Gossett, Jr. does his usual excellent job as Jake Berkowitz. Berkowitz is a character we’ve all seen a million times in action movies but Gossett gives him a little more heart than expected. He has great chemistry with Nancy Everhard’s Sam Leary, and his scene with Castle in the prison cell is electric. I mean, when he tells Castle, after crying that he’s been looking for him for five years, “Fuck you,” it puts a lump in your throat (it’s what happened to me ever since I first saw the movie). You can just feel Berkowitz’s pain. And Nancy Everhard is fantastic as Leary. Do you think she survived, and would she have continued being Berkowitz’s partner if there had been a The Punisher 2? I would have loved to see that happen.
Jeroen Krabbe does a great job as Franco the mob boss. He’s smooth, classy, and kind of sleazy all at the same time. I’ve always been bothered by the sequence where he tells his five underlings that he isn’t going to the big meeting with Lady Tanaka to find out what happened to their children. Did Franco figure out ahead of time that Tanaka was going to try to take them all out? If he did, why didn’t he tell Terrone and the others? Was he playing “consolidating mob boss” in everyone’s hour of need? If he was, man, what a piece of shit. This is the middle part of Krabbe’s American movie asshole trilogy, which started in 1987 with the James Bond flick The Living Daylights and ended with The Fugitive in 1993. I think a good argument could be made that Franco is the biggest asshole of the three (it’s close. I mean, Dr. Charles Nichols is absolutely reprehensible in The Fugitive, but is he worse than Franco? Something to think about).
Kim Miyori is one nasty bitch as Lady Tanaka, and she should be endlessly praised for making Tanaka an absolutely disgusting villain that isn’t afraid to be absolutely disgusting. She isn’t putting on some front like Franco. She’s a mean, nasty person and she’s going to achieve her goals no matter what. If the story Franco tells about Lady Tanaka becoming the head of the Yakuza didn’t tell you everything you needed to know about her, check out how happy she is when she finds out that she can sell the kidnapped mob kids into slavery and make a profit. Holy shit is she horrible. Great performance. And kudos to Zoshka Mizak as Tanaka’s daughter. Why hasn’t she been in more movies?
Barry Otto is superb as Shake. He’s funny, and in a movie as grim as The Punisher he provides a welcome brief respite from the glorious nastiness. I’ve often wondered what he did right after meeting Berkowitz outside of Tanaka’s HQ. Did Shake go run and hide somewhere, or did he go to the theater? If we had a sequel I bet we would have found out.
And why didn’t we get a sequel? Based on what I’ve read on Wikipedia, the company that released the movie, New World Pictures, was experiencing major financial issues at the time, and giving the movie a major theatrical release in the United States was just something the company couldn’t do. The Punisher did receive a theatrical release in various international territories and apparently did make some money, but it wasn’t a massive hit like Batman. I’m sure the movie made decent money on home video and on TV in the U.S., though. Every video store back in the day had the movie on its shelves (some even had a cool poster in the window and one of those cardboard standees of Lundgren) and it used to be on TV quite often, both cable and “regular” TV. People saw this movie. A sequel would have been awesome.
As I said at the beginning, I love this movie. Even in the wake of the superior Punisher: War Zone, The Punisher is a worthwhile cinematic adaptation of Frank Castle. It’s a great action movie through and through. If you haven’t seen The Punisher, good God, you need to see it as soon as possible. If you’re a Dolph Lundgren fan, a comic book movie fan, an action movie fan, a B-movie fan, or some combination of the four, The Punisher is required viewing. It’s awesome, it’s cool, and it’s badass as fuck. See it as soon as you can.
See The Punisher. See it, see it, goddamn fucking see it!
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: 91 (according to the movie’s IMDb page. That number seems right).
Explosions: Multiple.
Nudity?: Yes, very briefly.
Doobage: An awesome epic opening theme. A kick-ass opening montage. Knife to the chest. A wicked sidekick with railing fall. Impromptu hanging. Exploding house that actually explodes twice. Sword through the windshield. Silencer hooey. Spears and spiky throwing ball things to the head. Switchblade boot knife attack. Knife to the throat. Crossbow arrow through the chest. A shotgun massacre. Running after a van and catching it. A van full of dead bodies. Wound cauterization. Arm breaking. A kidnapping montage. A talking stuffed panda. A terrifying story about a woman that wants to be the head of a major criminal gang. Chair to the back. Back hand to the face. A totally illegal casino. Major glass breaking. Totally illegal casino destruction. Ninja attack. A gigantic handgun. An insane motorcycle stunt. Attempted torture. Face spitting. Gun in the mouth. Bus stealing. A cool car and bus chase with cool stunts. One of the sickest “guy gets run over by a truck” sequences ever filmed. Exploding truck. Kidnapping. Chair bondage. Exploding lights. Exploding elevators. A karate school massacre. Sword through the gut. A nifty red emergency light sequence. Spear to the chest. Guy falling on spikes. A brutal man versus woman martial arts battle. Some serious neck breaking. Knife to the head. An impromptu brawl. Serious body armor failure. A seriously fucked up gun to the head scene. Yelling.
Kim Richards?: Yes. It’s also attempted and implied multiple times.
Gratuitous: Closet full of mirrors. Dolph Lundgren. Louis Gossett, Jr. Dolph Lundgren meditating and having traumatic flashbacks while kneeling naked in his sewer hideout. Dolph Lundgren voiceover. A drunk with a Los Angeles Raiders hat. Remote control truck carrying a bottle of booze. Dolph Lundgren sliding down a crossbow line and using an Uzi. Dolph Lundgren using a shotgun with total abandon. Cops using a computer. Dolph Lundgren riding around the sewers on his motorcycle for absolutely no reason. Japanese stuff. Multiple swearing children. Fleeting female stripper nudity. Dolph Lundgren laying waste to a hidden illegal casino with an M60 that has a grenade launcher attached to it. A back tattoo. A faded picture of two dead kids. Dolph Lundgren saying “Batman.” A restaurant full of assassins including an old woman using a big Uzi. Ear rings as weapons. Mass poisoning. Dolph Lundgren carrying a tommy gun. Dolph Lundgren in prison. Smelling salts. Pizza. Silenced automatic weapons. A creepy Geisha girl performance for absolutely no reason. Realizing that once Dolph Lundgren loses a weapon he never tries to retrieve it. A seriously fucked up gun to the head scene.
Best lines: “Are you worried about the Punisher? Let me tell you about this Punisher, whoever he is. If he ever shows up within one thousand yards of me he’ll find out what the world ‘punished’ really means. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” “Holy shit! It’s the Punisher!” “Come on, God, answer me. For years I’ve been asking you why, why are the innocent dead and the guilty alive? Where is justice? Where is punishment? Or have you already answered, have you already said to the world here is justice, here is punishment, here in me?” “Look, don’t you people have anything better to do with your time? It’s two o’clock in the goddamn morning for Christ’s sake! Shit!” “I believe that Frank Castle is the Punisher.” “Too much stress, huh? That’s funny.” “What the hell is a thespian?” “Maybe I should have tried some Eugene O’Neill?” “Jesus Christ! Fucking faggot Frenchmen!” “No fucking way I’m going to be a salary boy to some bunch of nips, got that? I don’t know about you guys but the Dileo family gives up shit. We don’t answer to anybody! Who the fuck do you think you are?” “We are Yakuza! While your ancestors were still screwing sheep off the Mediterranean coast, ours were the crime lords of Asia.” “I bring you news, you give me grief. You know they all think you’re dead. They all kill each other now.” “I punish the guilty! And now as a result the innocent shall suffer?” “Every day that the children are gone is going to cost you money! Take that message to your people!” “Look, if they’re holding the kids here they have a fucking arsenal. You move left instead of right, you’re dead. The critics said the same thing about my Hamlet! “You handle pain very well. Let’s see how you handle the pain of others.” “Hey! Have a nice day.” “Wait! I’ve got something to say! Sayonara!” “You fucking bitch!” It’s okay. Don’t be afraid. I’m here to take you home.” “How have you been? Busy.” “Frank is dead! All right?” “If you’re guilty, you’re dead.” “What the fuck do you call 125 murders in five years? Huh? Work in progress.” “How long do you think someone can live after you’ve cut out their heart? A long… time.” “Okay! Okay! I’ll do it! But understand, when this is over, you’re dead.” “Can I ask you a question? Is an IQ test required for this job? No. I didn’t think so.” “Hey, I got the pizza!” “There’s a limit to revenge. Well, I guess I haven’t reached mine yet.” “You gave me back my son. Thank you very much. I’m in your debt. See you in hell, Castle.” “You’re a good boy, Tommy. Grow up to be a good man. Because if not, I’ll be waiting.” “Frank! Frank!” “I still talk to God sometimes. I ask him if what I’m doing is right or wrong. I’m still waiting for an answer. And until I get one I’ll be out here. Waiting. Watching. The guilty will be punished!”
Rating: 10.0/10.0
**
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column The Facebook Page!
Please check out and “like” The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page, which is here.
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page! Yeah!
**
BUY MY BOOK!
Not Coming to a Theater Near You!: 50 Great Direct-to-Video Action Flicks of the Early 2000s published by BearManor Media!
Buy it at the links below or wherever else books are sold!
**
(Author’s Note: This review originally appeared in issue #408 of The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, which came out in May 2017 )
Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD
Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD, directed by Rod Hardy, is a low-budget Marvel movie that, when I first saw it, I didn’t care for it. It had some cool visuals and Michael Knight hisself, David Hasselhoff, as the eye patch wearing badass Nick Fury, but it felt like a plodding mess. Of course, the first time I saw it was the first time it aired as a TV movie on the Fox broadcast network, back when broadcast networks were still in the TV movie business. The commercial breaks made what was clearly about a ninety-minute movie into a two hour chore, and that wasn’t cool at all. After that first viewing I dismissed the movie as, at best, a “nice try.” I was more interested in Blade, which was set to debut in movie theatres in the summer of 1998. That looked goddamn awesome. And Blade was. I eventually saw Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD again a few years later when it aired, sans commercial interruptions, on the old Fox Movie Channel on cable. It was a chance viewing, it wasn’t something I had planned on watching. Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD was just on. After that second viewing, I realized that my initial feelings regarding Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD were wrong. Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD was actually pretty good. It wasn’t as good as Blade, but, heck, it was still decent.
In Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD, Hasselhoff’s Nick Fury is an exiled badass living in the Yukon, working in an old mine for some reason when he’s called back into action by SHIELD, the international spy and military force he used to be the leader of (SHIELD, in this particular iteration, stands for Supreme Headquarters International Espionage Law-Enforcement Division). The nefarious HYDRA terrorist organization is back and the current leaders of SHIELD (well, some of them. The President of the United States is one of them) believe that Fury is the only one who can realistically take the fight to HYDRA and stop them from releasing a deadly virus. At first, Fury isn’t interested in coming back to SHIELD since he didn’t agree with the way he was removed from the organization in the first place. But once he finds out that it’s HYDRA that he needs to take down, Fury is all about coming back and kicking some ass.
Now, his old partner/love interest, Contessa Valentina “Val” de Allegro Fontaine (Lisa Rinna) isn’t exactly in the “bring Fury back” camp, but she knows that Fury is good at taking the fight to HYDRA. She decides to try to put her issues with her former lover on the back burner so they can concentrate on the upcoming mission. Alexander Goodwin Pierce (Neil Roberts), a new SHIELD agent, is excited about meeting and working with the legend Nick Fury. The current Director General of SHIELD, Jack Pincer (Tom McBeath), can’t stand Fury and doesn’t want anything to do with him. But Pincer has to follow orders, too, and because the President of the United States wants Fury back, Fury is back. Pincer won’t make it easy for Fury, though, because he’s that kind of pain in the ass.
Okay, so what, exactly, does HYDRA plan to do? What kind of virus release would necessitate the return of Nick Fury? The Death’s Head virus, a super evil bioweapon created by HYDRA head scientist Dr. Arnim Zola (Peter Haworth)and HYDRA leader Baron Von Strucker at the end of World War II. It was meant to be the weapon that won the war for the Nazis, but, as the Nazis lost, the virus became the exclusive property of HYDRA. Over the years, HYDRA perfected the virus and planned on using it but Fury stopped it all when he killed Baron Von Strucker. However, unbeknownst to Fury and plenty of other people inside SHIELD, Von Strucker wasn’t killed but was instead placed in cryogenic storage and had the Death’s Head virus melded with his DNA. As we see at the very beginning of the movie, the new HYDRA, under the leadership of Von Strucker’s daughter Andrea (Sandra Hess) and son Werner (Scott Heindl), infiltrate the hidden base where SHIELD has Baron Von Strucker on ice, kill a bunch of SHIELD guards, and steal Von Strucker’s body. HYDRA plans on thawing out its old leader and, with the help of the still very alive Zola, using Von Strucker’s DNA to recreate the virus. And once that is done, HYDRA plans to hold Manhattan hostage for a billion dollars. If the world agrees to give HYDRA the money, the terrorists won’t wipe out New York City.
Nick Fury, and anyone else paying attention, like SHIELD official Timothy Dugan (Garry Chalk) and SHIELD scientist Gabriel Jones (Ron Canada), know that HYDRA is going to unleash hell on Manhattan regardless of what the world pays. So SHIELD is going to have to find the Von Strucker kids, Von Strucker’s body, and Zola all before the shit hits the fan.
Fury’s first mission is to go to Berlin and arrest Zola. While in Berlin, Fury, Val, and Pierce are helped by an Interpol investigator who looks very, very familiar (to the audience, not so much to Fury). They take out some HYDRA soldiers and gain custody of Zola, who is in a wheelchair and on oxygen. But, in the midst of finding a way to get Zola out of Berlin, the investigator, who reveals herself to be Andrea, attacks Fury and infects him with a toxin that has no antidote. So, on top of having to save Manhattan, Fury and SHIELD have to find a way to save Fury from certain, painful death. Andrea will have to be arrested and her blood analyzed for any potential antidote. How the hell are Nick Fury and SHIELD going to save the day?
Agent of SHIELD never tries to be anything more than a low-budget TV movie, which actually works in its favor. The movie manages to make the most of what it has to spend in terms of special effects and action and is way more exciting without commercials breaking up the story. It isn’t a thrill-a-minute extravaganza, but then it doesn’t have to be. Instead, Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD is chock full of heart and attitude, especially from Hasselhoff, who is clearly enjoying himself as the cranky badass Fury. And, yes, Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD doesn’t look like a current Marvel movie, with slick, high-end CGI all over the place. It looks like a TV movie, with TV movie style props and whatnot. And it’s cool with that. The SHIELD jets and flying fortress helicarrier look like miniatures that may have been “enhanced” with some CGI. They’re fun to look at. And I bet they would have looked even cooler if there had been more Hasselhoff Nick Fury adventures and the effects people worked on making the effects look even better.
So what, exactly, did Fox and Marvel want to do with Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD? Was it meant to be a one-off TV movie? Was it meant to be the first of several TV movies? Was it actually the pilot for a TV show? The stuff I’ve read on the internets about the movie, including the movie’s Wikipedia page, seems to suggest that Fox and Marvel really didn’t know what they wanted beyond more of David Hasselhoff as Nick Fury in the event that the TV movie was successful. There are some indications that Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD was a pilot for a TV show, and there are indications that the movie was meant to be the first of several TV movies (star Hasselhoff was apparently signed to do at least five more TV movies). I’m not sure how an actual TV show would have worked, as I’m sure that a TV show would have been an expensive proposition, likely way more expensive than then current Fox TV show The X-Files. And would Hasselhoff have left Baywatch, which was still very much in production at the time Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD happened, to play Nick Fury in a weekly TV show? I don’t know about that. A series of TV movies seems more doable and, to me, likely. Doing one or two Nick Fury TV movies a year? With the proper advertising, those things could have been successful “event programming” and would have fit within Hasselhoff’s schedule at the time. If the “series of TV movies” scheme had worked out, would HYDRA have been the constant villain in the series, or would have other evil terrorist groups shown up, like AIM? Would we have seen full on supervillains show up, like a Dr. Doom type? I’d love to know what the plan was.
I think it’s a shame that Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD has basically been banished to the annals of comic book movie history as something that merely happened. It took ten years for the movie to get an official DVD release, and that particular release, which was exclusive to Best Buy, was a bare bones disc with no special features. Why? And why is that DVD now so out of print that you can’t find it anywhere for a reasonable price? I think people would like to see a special edition DVD or Blu-ray of Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD with a documentary about the making of the movie and a commentary track. I know I would love to see something like that happen. But then, in the current world we live in, the low- budget Marvel movies get very little, if any, respect. I think that stinks and I think that needs to change. So what if they’re low-budget and not as spectacular as the current Marvel Cinematic Universe movies? They should all be readily available to view on TV, streaming, and home video. The low-budget Marvel movies deserve to live.
David Hasselhoff does a great job as Fury, playing him as a grizzled badass who has seen it all, done it all, and only wants to take out the bad guys. He never overplays the character, which he easily could have done. He also doesn’t look ridiculous with the eyepatch or in the leather SHIELD outfit that he dons once he gets back with the organization. That could have easily happened, too. I do wonder, though, why Fury changes into the leather outfit, then changes back into jeans to go to London, and then back into the leather thing when he gets back to SHIELD HQ in America. That seems weird. But Hasselhoff kicks ass in the role, and I would have loved to see him in other Nick Fury adventures. The world deserved more of them.
Lisa Rinna, who isn’t exactly a known commodity in the action or sci-fi realms, does a fine job as Val. She has good chemistry with Hasselhoff and doesn’t look foolish holding a gun. She also gets maybe the top badass moment in the movie, when she has to face down Werner Von Strucker. Holy crap.
Sandra Hess does a fine job as Andrea Von Strucker, Viper, the new head of HYRDA. There are times where it looks like Hess is overplaying Andrea a bit, but she is the movie’s main villain. Overacting is sort of what you do when you’re the villain in a comic book movie. It somehow works. Scott Heindl, as Andrea’s brother Werner, is a little more subdued. I’m assuming he’s that way because Andrea is meant to be a bigger personality.
Tracey Waterhouse is awesome as Kate Neville, a SHIELD agent and psychic (she prefers to be called an “ESPer” but, come on, she’s a psychic and mind reader). It would have been cool to see her become a bigger part of the team if there had been more Nick Fury adventures. You just know that the whole “freaky vision that may not be quite what it seems” thing would have become a story point in another SHIELD story. Neil Roberts, as SHIELD agent Pierce, is funny. He tries to keep up with Fury, but, sadly, he can’t. It’s just not in him, despite his spy school grades. Great stuff.
Gary Chalk and Ron Canada are old pros as SHIELD director/sort of secondary boss Timothy Dugan and SHIELD scientist Gabriel Jones. They both look and act their parts exactly how you expect them to, and since they’re both friends with Fury from back in the day they have that kind of “old pal ball busting” thing down pat.
I like Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD. I like it quite a bit. It’s way better than I remembered it. It is disappointing in one sense, though. We didn’t get a sequel. And considering how it ends, man, what the hell was set to happen next? How were Fury, Val, and the rest of SHIELD going to save the world from certain doom? I still want to know!
Well, at least we got this one Nick Fury adventure.
See Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD. See it, see it, see it.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: Lots.
Explosions: Several, both big and small.
Nudity?: None. It’s a TV movie.
Doobage: Choppers. Guard killing. A gas attack. Pick axe hooey. A low- budget fighter jet. Low-budget TV movie special effects. Shooting an elevator control panel. A cool gun. A total lack of interest in signing forms for tax reasons. Multiple leather uniforms. A big terrorist meeting. Multiple attempted psychic mind readings. Lovely thighs. Face electrocution. A neat hologram message. Mildly exploding android. Exploding jet. A badass weapons check. A flying jump kick via obvious stunt double. Silencer hooey. A full body search. A cool fake eye trick. Exploding door. A game of catch. Attempted communications jamming. Exploding hand. Bullet to the head. Serious ass kicking. A nasty fever. Neck kicking. Multiple grenade attacks. A welder. A wicked jet attack. Blood removal. Face punching. The prospect of a sequel that we’ll never get (goddamit!).
Kim Richards?: None.
Gratuitous: Low-budget TV movie special effects. David Hasselhoff. David Hasselhoff wearing an eyepatch and smoking a cigar. Lisa Rinna. HYDRA agents that look like aliens. A Life Model Decoy. “Berlin.” Spy saying bullshit. David Hasselhoff holding his gun sideways. A hidden wall entrance. Stock footage of massive destruction. A body scanner. Unimak Island. Grenades.
Best lines: “Hell of a way to earn our keep, huh? Babysitting a corpse.” “Let us rock and let us roll!” “Nick, take care of her.” “Why don’t you take your blow dryer and get the hell out of my afternoon sun?” “Relax, kid, I’m just blowing smoke up your hooha.” “Why aren’t we moving?” “With all due respect, director, if the world has changed you wouldn’t need people like me, would you?” “Gabe! How is my favorite mad scientist?” “Not a bad looking guy, huh?” ‘Who the hell is that?” “We are the soldiers of anarchy and it is time the world feared us again!” “Are you ready to scan him, Kate?” “I have never seen anything so evil!” “Is it true what women say about you? Well, it depends on whether you ask one of my ex-wives or my mother.” “So much for the late, great Colonel Fury!” Nick, what happened? I got bit by a snake.” “I’ll get that vampire’s blood even if I have to suck it from her neck!” “Get away! Don’t touch him!” “Against HYDRA there is no SHIELD!” “By the way, Fury, how did you know which one of me to shoot? I didn’t.” “Are you really up to leading a field operation? Of course not, Gabe, but who the hell else is going to do it? The LMD?” “You’re talking to a dead man, Pincer. I ain’t got nothing to lose.” “Don’t you dare cut me off, you comic book coward!” “All right. Let’s go kick some HYDRA butt!” “Lasers.” “I was top of my class in advanced silent killing. I can do this in my sleep.” “I danced on your poisonous father’s grave. I’ll dance on yours, too.” “You really are suspicious, aren’t you? It’s not a very attractive trait.” “They couldn’t miss Manhattan if they tried.” “Do you have to?” “Head nurse’s surgeon. Operation over. Patient sedated.” “We know what the score is. We signed up for this field trip. Go!” “Your brother. What will become of him?” “You are every bit as ruthless as your father.” “Revenge is mine!” “I always heard living well is the best revenge.” “Score one for the free world.” “I will see you in hell for this! We’ll do lunch!” “She’s halfway to China by now.” “How’s that for diminished motor coordination?”
Rating: 10.0/10.0
**
Check out previous issues of From the B-Movie Vault!
From the B-Movie Vault: Phantasm and Phantasm II
From the B-Movie Vault: Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead and Phantasm IV: Oblivion
From the B-Movie Vault: Phantasm: Ravager and John Dies at the End
From the B-Movie Vault: Scanners
From the B-Movie Vault: Scanners II: The New Order and Scanners III: The Takeover
From the B-Movie Vault: Scanner Cop and Scanner Cop 2
From the B-Movie Vault: John Wick and John Wick: Chapter 2
From the B-Movie Vault: Silent Night, Deadly Night and Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2
From the B-Movie Vault: American Ninja and American Ninja 2: The Confrontation
From the B-Movie Vault: The Marine and 12 Rounds
From the B-Movie Vault: The Marine 2 and The Marine 3: Homefront
From the B-Movie Vault: The Marine 4: Moving Target and The Marine 5: Battleground
From the B-Movie Vault: American Ninja 3: Bloodhunt and American Ninja 4: The Annihilation
From the B-Movie Vault: Cyber Tracker and Cyber Tracker 2
From the B-Movie Vault: Captain America and Captain America ii: Death Too Soon
**
Well, I think that’ll be about it for now. Don’t forget to sign up with disqus if you want to comment on this article and any other 411 article. You know you want to, so just go do it.
B-movies rule. Always remember that.
The Punisher
Dolph Lundgren– Frank Castle/The Punisher
Louis Gossett, Jr/– Jake Berkowitz
Jeroen Krabbe– Gianni Franco
Kim Miyori– Lady Tanaka
Nancy Everhard– Sam Leary
Barry Otto– Shake
Zoshka Mizak– Tanaka’s Daughter
Brian Rooney– Tommy Franco
Bryan Marshall– Dino Moretti
Todd Boyce– Terrone
Kenji Yamaki– Sato
Hirofumi Kanayama– Tomio
Directed by Mark Goldblatt
Screenplay by Boaz Yakin
Distributed by New World Pictures (Australia), New World International, Live Home Video, Avid Home Entertainment, and Artisan Entertainment.
Rated R for strong violence, language, and nudity
Runtime– 89 minutes
Buy it here
**
Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD
David Hasselhoff– Nick Fury
Lisa Rinna– Val
Sandra Hess– Andrea Von Strucker/Viper
Tracy Waterhouse– Kate Neville
Neil Roberts– Alexander Goodwin Pierce
Garry Chalk– Timothy Dugan
Ron Canada– Gabriel Jones
Tom McBeath– Director General Jack Pincer
Scott Heindl– Werner Von Strucker
Peter Haworth– Dr. Arnim Zola
Campbell Lane– Baron Von Strucker
Directed by Rod Hardy
Screenplay by David Goyer
Distributed by The Fox Network and 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment.
Unrated
Runtime– 90 minutes (2 hours original broadcast with commercials)
