411’s WWE Night of Champions Report 09.19.10

Welcome one and all to 411’s Night of Champions report. Without further ado let’s bring on the hosts of tonight’s show. These guys are familiar with winning championships…the athletes from the Laffalympics!

It has Captain Caveman. It is win.

Let’s get down on our bad selves!

We have our 3-man booth as usual.

IC Title Match: Dolph Ziggler © vs. Kofi Kingston (Ziggler can lose the title on a count out or DQ)

Excuse her! EXCUSE HER! Vickie intros her man, who is wearing a choker? Wait, is he a sub and Vickie’s his dom? Kofi has red tiger-print tights and kick pads on.

They trade headlock takedowns, Kofi goes for an early Trouble in Paradise but Dolph avoids it. Stiff kicks by Dolph, he tries to throw Kofi to the floor but Kofi does some gymnastic magic and clotheslines Dolph out the other side. Vickie tends to Dolph and sends Caitlyn to the back. BOOOOOOOO. Dolph argues with the ref and gets schoolboyed for 2. Clotheslines and a dropkick by Kofi, he goes for the corner splash and misses badly. Sliding kick in the corner by Dolph gets 2. NASTY neckbreaker by Dolph gets 2, then he locks in a rear chinlock. He switches to a side headlock, Kofi gets to his feet and fights free. Whip by Dolph, Kofi comes off with a shoulder block but runs into a Japanese Legitimate Businessman’s kick. Flying elbow for 2 by Dolph and he’s back to the chinlock. Kofi gets to his feet and gets slammed to the ground. Neck snap by Dolph. Kofi tries to fight back but gets hit with a rocker dropper for 2. Back to the chinlock. Another elbow drop, to the back of the head this time, gets 2 more. Another chinlock. Who let Randy Orton in this match? Kofi fights back with some stiff rights, Dolph avoids a charge but runs into a pendulum kick in the corner. HIGH crossbody off the top gets 2 for Kofi. Double chop by Kofi and a dropkick, Dolph ducks the forearm but gets hit with the Lou Thesz press. Boom! Boom! Boom Drop! He wants the Trouble in Paradise….MISSES! SLEEPER! Kofi reverses…RANHEI!!!!!!!! 1…2…ROPES! Dolph rolls to the floor, Kofi teases a slingshot but jumps off the apron onto Dolph with a crossbody. Scoop slam on the outside, both man back in and a 2 count for Kofi. He tries the Ranhei again, COUNTERED! SLEEPER! Kofi is fading…fading…to his feet now but he can’t break it! Back down to the mat, now he’s up again and he breaks the grip! Sleeper by Kofi! Dolph runs him into the ropes to break the hold and Vickie is preparing to slap the taste out of Kofi’s mouth…Dolph stops her! Kofi is measuring…TROUBLE IN PARADISE MISSES! Ziggler…ZIG ZAG! 1…2…3!

Winner: Dolph Ziggler via pinfall (Zig Zag)

Edge tells T-Grish that this is his kind of night, when he shocks people, because he is the ShockMASTER.

Wait, no he isn’t. But he thinks he’s gonna win anyway.

CM Punk vs. The Big Show

Punk gets a gigantic ovation in his home town, then heels it right up by going to town on the citizens of Chicago. Why is Big Show wearing a headband? I know he’s had it for a while, but why?

Punk tries some quick kicks but gets headbutted. He ducks a clothesline and hits a dropkick but Show boots him in the gut and then chokes him in the corner. Show slaps Punk on the chest and sends him to the floor. Show follows and rolls Punk back in, but gets kicked in the head as he tries to get back inside. Punk delivers a running knee along the apron to the head of Show, then SLINGSHOT SOMERSAULT SENTON to the floor onto Show!!! Show is back in at 9 and is greeted by bootery. One big smack to the ribs halts the momentum, but Punk comes back with a second-rope elbow. More kicks to the chest of Show, who is on his knees. Round kick to the head gets 2. Punk goes to the apron and tries the slingshot clothesline but SHOW WITH THE SPEAR levels him! KO PUNCH! 1…2…3!

Winner: Big Show via pinfall (punch)

Now T-Grish is with Jericho, who is smiling. Why? Because he’s Guy Smilie!

Wait, no he isn’t. But he brags about how many major names he’s beaten and how many titles he’s won in multi-man matches. He’s going to Elimin8 (Thursdays in the Games Zone!) everyone because he’s the best in the world at what he does.

Video package for Miz-Bryan.

US Title Match: The Miz © vs. Daniel Bryan

The real champ is Miz’s jacket, which is awesome. Chicago is an ROH town so this could be loud. Well…it wasn’t.

Bryan shoots, Miz runs liek leetle gurl. He takes down Bryan with a shoulder, tries a clothesline but Bryan avoids it and tries for the LaBell lock. Miz flees to the floor, tries to get Bryan from behind but eats an arm drag. Single-leg dropkick by Bryan. Miz drops Bryan’s arm over the top rope and goes to work on the shoulder. He runs Bryan into the top turnbuckle a few times then hits a hammerlock back suplex for 2. Miz butterflies the arms, then posts two knees in the back and pulls. Ow. Bryan counters into a backslide for 2 but gets kicked in the head. More arm work by Miz, and Alex Riley helps out on the floor. Arm ringer now into a hammerlock. Bryan flips out and lays in some forearms, but gets drilled with a shoulderbreaker for 2. Even more work on the arm, snapping it back over the bottom rope for 2 more. Bryan fights out of an arm bar but gets kicked in the shoulder. Miz charges but Bryan sidesteps, then hits a sweet tope suicida to the floor. Back inside, MISSILE DROPKICK gets 2. Bryan is still selling the arm. Bryan grabs an ankle, Miz kicks the bad arm to free himself but runs into a boot. SICK KICK gets 2. Shades of Roderick Strong! They exchange shots in the middle of the ring, Bryan wins the exchange then nails some kicks in the corner. CORNER DROPKICK! BUZZSAW KICK to the head, shades of Tajiri! 1…2…no! Bryan perches Miz up top, goes up with him but gets crotched and is sitting astride the top rope.. Miz clotheslines him off the top! 1…2…no! Miz kneels on Bryan’s head and pulls back on the arm, and I bet that doesn’t tickle. Bryan makes the ropes.Miz stalks Bryan for the Skull-Crushing Finale…countered! Rollup! 1…2…NO! LaBell Lock coming…Riley is on the apron! Bryan attacks, sidesteps a charging Miz who knocks Riley off the apron…rollup again! 1…2…no! Miz knocks Bryan to the floor, he levels Riley then gets back in…Miz with the rollup! 1…2…no! Miz mounts and lays in some rights, ref breaks it up and he goes back to it! Ref breaks it again, Miz is pissed. He argues, goes back…LABELL LOCK! LOCKED IN! Miz fights…MIZ TAPS!!!!

Winner. And NEW US Champion: Daniel Bryan via submission (LaBell Lock)

T-Grish is now with John Cena, who is also smiling. They talk about chances and percentages. I have no joke.

Unification Lumberjill Match: WWE Divas Champion Melina vs. WWE Women’s Champion Michelle McCool

The lumberjills are out first, and Layla is among them. That means she costs McCool the strap, clearly. McCool is out first, and Layla is unimpressed. Like this kid:

Melina appears to have skinned an ocelot for her coat. McCool tries to dropkick Melina during her splits, Melina just rises up and lets her slide through. Awesome. They lock up and roll around, then to the floor. Back inside Melina gets a hair bulldog and a kick to the knee. Shoulders in the corner by Melina, she drapes McCool horizontally in the corner and goes for the knee drop but gets chucked to the floor. The lumberjills do nothing. Blockbuster by McCool followed by some stomps for 2. Headscissors by McCool now, and I would not mind being in that hold at all. McCool releases it and sets for the Styles Clash…reversed into an X-Factor! McCool cuts off the comeback with a belly to belly suplex for 2. McCool tries to kick Natalya on the outside but Natalya grabs her foot! Schoolgirl by Melina, the ref is distracted! McCool breaks the pin then levels Melina and goes after Natalya, but EVERY lumberjill beats her down. Back inside Melina hits a dropkick and drives her knees into McCool’s back. SCREAM! She matrixes a McCool kick but gets slammed down to the mat. McCool puts her on the top rope and…wow. That was ugly, they both fell to the floor! Melina gets back in, McCool gets blitzed again and it turns into a Diva pier 6 brawl. Layla is in the ring slugging it out with Melina! Melina throws her to the floor…BIG BOOT by McCool! 1…2…3!

Winner, and NEW Undisputed Divas champion: Michelle McCool via pinfall (big boot)

T-Grish is now with Wade Barrett. Does he like his chances? He talks about everyone else representing Status Quo. Wait, these guys?

Anyway, he reckons he will win.

Video package for Kane vs. Taker.

World Title No Holds Barred Match: Kane © vs. The Undertaker

DONG! DONG! DONG! Yes, Taker’s Dong is upon us as the champ will come out last, as is proper. 3 minutes plus for Taker’s entrance. Kane’s pyro hits and Tony Chimmel jumps, awesome. Taker charges up the ramp to attack Kane and lays in some stiff rights on the stage. Taker is beating him senseless. He whips Kane into the pillar that forms part of the set, Kane falls off the stage to the floor. Kick to the knee by Kane and he takes control. Taker regains control and smacks Kane around. No wrestling moves here folks. Kane goes to the eye then boots Taker down the ramp. He tries to take Taker into the barricade but Taker blocks it and takes Kane there instead. There are more punches in this match than in Floyd Mayweather’s living room. Kane whips Taker into the steps and lays in some boots. Kane stamps on Taker’s head on the steel steps. Into the barricade goes Taker now, and Kane has the belt…to the gut! They finally make it into the ring, top rope clothesline by Kane! Hoganesque legdrop by Kane, who MIGHT have got an inch of air. More right hands by Kane. Basement dropkick by Kane and some more beatings. Wow this is crap. Kane dismantles the table and smacks Taker with the covering. He tries to whip Taker into the steps but gets reversed! Taker has Kane draped on the apron…leg drop! VINTAGE Undertaker! Kane is still moving so Taker clotheslines him over the barricade. Taker LEAPS over the barricade into Kane and lays in some rights. THAT was nice. Kane grabs a chair and slams it into Taker’s gut. Oh good, they are fighting in the crowd. Back and forth action here, has me on the edge of sleep. They fight back to ringside and Kane leaps off the barricade into Taker. OK that made me wake up a little. Taker is back in the ring, Kane follows and beats him down some more. Even flames around the ring wouldn’t save this. Corner beatdown now. Look, we get it. Taker is weak. Can we get a finish already? Kane beats him down more, Taker tells him bring it so Kane brings it. Taker fights back and they unload some bombs. I hope they are filled with sleeping gas. Taker wins the exchange but Kane buries a knee in his gut. FLYING CLOTHESLINE by Taker! Corner clothesline a whip by Taker aaaaaaand snake eyes. Big boot! Leg drop! 1…2…no! Taker…goozle! CHOKESLAM! Taker is knackered and can’t follow up…tombstone attempt by Taker…REVERSED! TOMBSTONE by Kane! 1…2…3!

Winner: Kane via pinfall (tombstone)

Taker gets an ovation as he leaves. Either that or the fans are happy the match is finally over. Taker staggers to the back and looks like he went through the ringer.

Video package for Cena’s movie.

T-Grish is with Orton now, and asks if Orton has anything to say to the other participants. Orton says one word: No.

Tag Team Turmoil Title Match: The Hart Dynasty © vs. The Usos

Winner stays on, 4 wins gets you into the Hall of Bang. Wait, I told that wrong.

Kidd gets a quick rollup but The Usos nail a Demolition Decapitation for two. I have no idea who that is in the ring with Kidd but he misses a charge and Kidd makes the tag. Smith cleans house but drops his head and eats a boot. Belly to belly throw by Hart! The Usos bail to the floor, Kidd tags in and leaps to the top rope before hitting a moonsault to the floor on both men! Back inside and Kidd gets 2. He goes for the Sharpshooter, Tamina distracts the ref while Jimmy kicks Kidd and Jey covers. 1…2…3!

The Usos eliminate the Hart Dynasty

SANTINO and Kozlov are out, Santino hits a hiptoss and a flying headbutt! 1…2…Jey breaks it up! Kozlov takes him to the floor…COBRA TIME! Tamina is on the apron and is copying Santino! He misses, eats a Samoan Drop and that’s all.

The Usos eliminate Santinov

Mark Henry and Evan Bourne are out. Bourne hits a series of kicks and a headscissors before getting nailed byy a back elbow. He dodges a corner splash and HERE COMES THE BEEF. Clotheslines abound! He pushes Jey off the top rope then hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Jimmy! Tag to Bourne…AIRBOURNE! 1…2…3!

Bourne and Henry eliminate The Usos

DASHING and McIntyre are out. Drew beats the hell out of Bourne. Tag to DASHING who lays in some boots. Suplex connects. Tag to McIntyre who hits a stiff European but gets kicked about. Big clothesline by Drew and he locks in an armbar. Armdrag by Bourne to free himself but Rhodes breaks up the tag. Tag to Drew and I’m getting flashbacks to Taker-Kane. Gutbuster by Drew gets 2. Rear chinlock by Drew, Bourne fights him off but Drew sends him to the floor where Cody beats him down. Another chinlock by Drew. Bourne takes a beating like no other. Suplex by Drew, Bourne knees his way free and then hits another knee strike to level Drew! Cody is in, HERE COMES THE BEEF! Right hands by Henry, so vicious that Cody fell before Henry hit him. Shoulder in the corner and a corner splash. Military press…and DOWN to the canvas. Striker wants Henry to do an SSP. GOD NO. Bourne tags in and goes to Henry’s shoulders, Drew breaks it up. Bourne takes out Drew with a spin kick but gets nailed with CrossRhodes! 1…2…3! DASHING!

Winners, and NEW Unified Tag Team Champions: Drew McIntyre and DASHING Cody Rhodes via pinfall (Rhodes on Bourne, CrossRhodes

Video package for Alberto del Rio.

Finally Josh Matthews is with Sheamus, and asks if he is concerned. Sheamus is not concerned. He always leaves the champion, regardless of the stipulation. He says this suits him to the ground.

Six Pack Elimination Rules Challenge Match For The WWE Title: Sheamus © vs. Randy Orton vs. John Cena vs. Edge vs. Wade Barrett vs. Chris Jericho

Champ is out first. Cena is next and is met with boos. Edge on the other hand gets quite the face reaction. Jericho’s music hits, he takes his time coming out but swaggers on down to the ring. Barrett is out solo but I reckon he won’t stay that way. And now here comes Mr. Orton, and he’s rather over. SUPA-SPECIAL ring announcing, which means Jeeeeeeooooooooooooooon Ceeeeeeeeenaaaaaaaa!

Bell rings and everyone fights. Edge and Jericho beat down Cena, Sheamus and Orton face off and Barrett is sorta there. Jericho gets a pin on Orton for two. Cena and Jericho slug it out, Jericho wins the exchange but then gets whipped and hit with a bulldog. RKO TO JERICHO! 1…2…3!

Orton eliminates Jericho via pinfall (RKO)

Well, he’s done. The commentators have not mentioned that he’s now done with WWE. Chicago fans are chanting his name. This is ridiculous, the announcers are completely no-selling it as Jericho walks off dejected. Ah well, back to the action and Barrett is surrounded by everyone else. Beatdown occurs, and Sheamus and Edge clothesline him to the floor. Orton and Cena then send those two to the floor, and THE MEGAPOWERS EXPLODE! Wait, not, Barrett and Edge and Sheamus interrupt. They beat down the two faces and Barrett tries to direct traffic, and gets kicked in the gut. Double back elbow. DROP KICK to Edge by Cena!!!! Orton hits one on Sheamus! Cena Orton face off, RKO countered, STF! Orton kicks him off and to the apron, Orton grabs him for the DDT! Countered, Attitude Adjustment! NO! Orton tries to suplex Cena out of the ring, Cena blocks, Edge tries to help and Cena still blocks. Barrett breaks it up and Sheamus levels Cena in the rinf for two. He goes to the floor and boots everyone, then whips Orton to the barricade. Back inside he gets a kneelift on Cena. Another kneelift. Cena fights back but runs into an elbow. Beatdown in the corner by Sheamus. He perches Cena on the top rope, backwards. High Cross…Cena blocks it. Sheamus goes up top with him and tries for the back suplex…Cena throws him down, then Cena pushes him off the top. Cena looks like he hurt his leg there. Edge comes in and joins forces with Sheamus, the perch Cena up top and here comes a DOUBLE SUPERPLEX. Edge covers and gets 2. Cena goes to the floor, Edge and Sheamus attack Barrett on the outside and send him to the barricade. They turn their attention to Orton and roll him inside. Sheamus with a series of forearms gets 2. More scintillating stomping. Elbows to Orton on the apron by Sheamus, Edge goes for a run around the ring to kick Cena. 2 count on Orton by Sheamus. Double whip to Orton, Sheamus whips Edge into Orton with a shoulder in the corner. The beatdown of Orton continues, another double whip and Sheamus whips Edge right into an Orton clothesline. Another for Orton! Snap powerslam to Edge! CELTIC HAMMER to Orton stops that burst. Barrett gets knocked off the apron and Edge hits the Edgecution on Sheamus. Spear coming…Sheamus avoids it! IRISH CURSE! Sheamus measures Edge…Brogue Kick misses! SPEAR to Sheamus! Orton in, RKO countered! Cena in, Attitude Adjustment countered! SPEAR to Orton! Attitude Adjustment countered, Implant DDT countered…ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT to Edge! 1…2…3!

Cena eliminates Edge via pinfall (Attitude Adjustment)

Barrett storms Cena and goes for the Wasteland, Cena counters to the Attitude Adjustment which Barrett counters to a DDT, Cole keeps calling it the AA. Scott Hall is here? Barrett is in control now, lands a couple of stinging jabs but eats a pair of shoulder tackles. Blue Thunder bomb! You can’t see him! Five-knuckle shuffle connects! Barrett counters the AA again, Sheamus is in and knocks Barrett to the floor! STF TO SHEAMUS! He fights to the rope, Cena drags him to the middle! Sheamus keeps fighting and makes the ropes again and HERE COMES NEXUS. They don’t touch Cena, but BARRETT DOES! Wasteland! 1…2…3!

Wade Barrett eliminates John Cena via pinfall (Wasteland)

Yeah, I just typed that. Orton gets beaten down by Nexus and thrown into the ring, and Barrett calls in the troops. Orton is surrounded but CENA has a chair! He takes out two men, Orton RKOs the others! Wasteland…COUNTERED! Orton backbreaker, and he’s fired up! Measures Barrett…RKO! 1…2…3!

Orton eliminates Barrett via pinfall (RKO)

BROGUE KICK! 1…2…NO! High Cross…COUNTERED! RKO! 1…2…3!

Winner, and NEW WWE Champion: Randy Orton via pinfall (last eliminating Sheamus, RKO)

Orton makes up for his short entrance with an insanely long celebration as we go off the air.