411’s WWE Smackdown Report 02.25.11

Welcome to the WWE Smackdown Report! Special treat this week as our very own Porfirio Diaz of the Movies/TV 3 R’s & Syndication Files was live at the Smackdown tapings this week. I’ll let him explain the rest…

Porfirio Diaz: Hi everybody! Before we begin, first let me thank Nick for letting me piggyback on his report for the week. He’s such a swell guy… at least in Internet terms. Since I was smack dab in the middle of the live show on Tuesday, I asked Nick if I could participate in the shindig known as 411’s WWE Smackdown Report. For some reason, he said yes. Maybe I should have told him that my comments are not all that analytical, constructive or even the least bit useful. Oh well, too late now.

I will be tracking the win/loss record of every Smackdown superstar throughout the year. Here are the guidelines:

– These records only reflect matches that have taken place on Smackdown or Pay-Per-View.
– Matches that end or have ended in a No Contest are not counted.
– In the case of Tag Team matches, each member of the losing team gets a Loss and each member of the winning team gets a Win.
– In the case of multi-man matches, every participant besides the winner gets a Loss.
– Some wrestlers will have a third number in their record. This number represents matches that have ended in a Draw.

Last Friday, Dolph Ziggler became a World Heavyweight Champion…only to lose it about 10 minutes later and get fired.

Teddy Long opens tonight’s show with a video message. He has every right to fire Vickie Guerrero. Instead, he will let Vickie fight for her job as she will team with Drew McIntyre to take on Edge and Kelly Kelly. Lose, and Vickie’s gone.

No pyro this week, straight to Rey Mysterio’s entrance for our first match of the evening.

Match One: Rey Mysterio (5-3) vs. Kane (2-4)
Kane powers Mysterio into the corner to start and hits with knees. In the middle of the ring, Kane drops Mysterio with a snapmare and hits a low dropkick. Cover gets two. Kane connects with an uppercut but takes a kick to the chest on a back body drop attempt. Mysterio tries to capitalize with a rana but Kane catches him and rams him into the corner before dropping him with a powerslam. Cover gets two and Kane locks in a bodyscissors. Mysterio fights out but Kane counters another rana into a backbreaker for two. Kane eats two boots in the corner and gets drop toe held into 619 position but wisely rolls out of the ring. Mysterio settles for a dropkick between the ropes and misses a seated senton off the apron. Kane nails Mysterio with a big boot as we go to commercial.

Back from break, Kane drops Mysterio over his knee and stretches him. Mysterio fights out but quickly goes down to a sidewalk slam for two. Kane drops a couple of elbows and covers for two more before applying a bearhug in the middle of the ring. Mysterio escapes only to be caught with it again and rammed back-first into the turnbuckle. Kane follows up by perching Mysterio on the top rope. Mysterio headbutts him off and comes down with a seated senton. He ducks a big boot and takes out the knee. Mysterio kicks Kane in the head and covers for two. He heads to the top but eats an uppercut on the way down. Kane covers for two and climbs to the top but misses with a flying clothesline. Kane regroups and goozles Mysterio but gets his legs kicked out from under him. Mysterio kicks him in the back and sets him up for a 619. It connects and Mysterio tries for the final blow with a seated senton off the top but Kane catches him in midair. Mysterio rolls out and covers for the win.
Winner: Rey Mysterio in 11:00
Rating: *** (Damn fine match with a strong story driving it. They played off of their past history with Kane having an answer for everything Mysterio threw at him, leading to the surprise pin. No complaints here.)

Porfirio Diaz: On Rey vs. Kane: Fun match! See how informative I am.

Post-match, Josh Matthews and Michael Cole gush over how much of an upset win that was. Okay, that I can do without, but Kane’s shocked expression is great. Before long, Dusty Rhodes’ music hits and the American Dream makes his way to the ring. Rey Mysterio and Rhodes embrace as we go to commercial. Back from break, Rhodes gets down to business. He is disappointed in his son Cody Rhodes, and wants to personally apologize for him. Bring him out…

With that, Cody Rhodes makes his way to the ring with no music and a clear plastic facemask.

Porfirio Diaz: When did Cody Rhodes steal Rip Hamilton’s mask? In any case, he’s not “Dashing” no more. By the way, “DASHING” doesn’t do it for me. I ended up with a better nickname of him: “MAXIMUS HANDSOME” Cody Rhodes. Tell me that wouldn’t sell?

Why is Dusty doing this? Last week, Cody said he had an announcement, but this wasn’t what he was talking about. Besides, everyone is staring at him. Dusty wants him to apologize to Mysterio? Because of Mysterio, Cody had no Rumble, no Chamber and possibly no Wrestlemania. Dusty takes over. One of the things Dusty talked to Cody about before he joined the WWE was going to Wrestlemania, being a champion and eventually becoming a Hall of Famer. Somewhere along the way, Cody lost focus. He is out there being “Dashing” and he’s doing commercials. He lost focus. While he was being “Dashing,” the Miz was becoming WWE Champion. While he was being “Dashing,” Edge was becoming World Heavyweight Champion. Then, he comes out and blames Mysterio for his injury. No matter what Cody decides, Dusty will love him- but Cody has to make this right. He needs to apologize to Mysterio right now. Cody apologizes to Mysterio and they shake hands. Dusty and Mysterio shake hands, but Dusty doesn’t release it. All of a sudden, Cody attacks Mysterio from behind as Dusty looks on. It spills to the outside where Cody throws Mysterio into the steel steps and rakes his face across the entrance stage. Cody continues by throwing Mysterio into his digitized mirror on the stage. Oddly, the image on the mirror scrambles as Cody rips Mysterio’s mask off (we never see his face). A lot of heat on Cody- Fantastic segment.

Porfirio Diaz: Cody breaking his graphics “mirror” is the most illogical yet creative moment I’ve ever seen in a wrestling program… this week. For those who care, I sat right at the left side of the entrance tron. So when Cody ripped Rey’s mask off, I was able to see a good portion of Rey’s face. This would matter more had I not already seen his entire face before. Thanks WCW.

In the back, Cody and Dusty Rhodes embrace.

Match Two: Rosa Mendes (0-0) vs. Layla (2-4)
Michelle McCool is on commentary once again. Layla pushes Mendes at the start and Mendes fires back with a Thesz Press. Back up, Layla hits with boots but gets sent to the apron. Mendes tries to shoulderblock her through the ropes but Layla moves out of the way and kicks her before they both go tumbling to the outside. Mendes throws Layla into the barricade and talks smack to McCool. Layla pushes Mendes into McCool, causing McCool to retaliate. Match ends in disqualification.
Winner: Rosa Mendes 1:00
Rating: ½* (Whatever.)

Porfirio Diaz: I ended up daydreaming about Rosa Mendes than actually watching the match. Good dreams. Lofty dreams.

Post-match, Michelle McCool continues her assault on Rosa Mendes as Layla questions what she’s doing. McCool says she’s taking care of business. They tease a confrontation, but eventually walk out together.

Match Three: Kofi Kingston (4-5) vs. Jack Swagger (1-2)
ENOUGH with this fucking match! Somebody in charge loves the Kingston/Swagger combination. Anyway, Kingston is wearing tape around his arm to sell Alberto Del Rio’s attack from Monday. They lockup to start and Swagger powers Kingston into the corner. Kingston comes back with strikes but goes down to a big shoulderblock. Swagger throws him into the corner and drops him with a second shoulderblock for two. He stretches the injured arm across his knee for a while but Kingston fights out and attacks with more strikes. He starts to get fired up and hits the Boom Drop and a Superman punch in the corner. Swagger wisely gets the upper hand by hitting the arm, then heads outside and wraps Kingston’s ankle around the ringpost. Kingston kicks him away but Swagger regroups and heads back inside where he avoids a Trouble in Paradise. Swagger applies an Anklelock. Kingston tries to rollout of it but his injured arm gives way and he has to tap.
Winner: Jack Swagger in 3:00
Rating: * (If this is some kind of losing streak angle for Kingston, the announcers weren’t playing it up. We’ll have to see where it goes, but this hasn’t been a great year for Kingston so far.)

Porfirio Diaz: At what point have we considered the Intercontinental Belt dead and buried? I don’t even remember the last title defense and I’m sure it’s not going to be defended at Wrestlemania for the 45th time.

In the back, Vickie Guerrero tries to enter Teddy Long’s office, but it’s locked.

We get John Cena’s rebuttal from Raw in full.

In the back, Vickie Guerrero meets up with Chavo Guerrero. She wants his help. Can she count on him? Chavo recalls all the times he was her little bitch over the years. Payback is a you know what.

Porfirio Diaz: Breaking news: Goofy, happy-go-lucky Big Show = the best kind of Big Show.

Match Four: Big Show (2-3) vs. Wade Barrett (2-3)
Tony Chimel informs us that the Corre is banned from ringside for this one. Maybe they should blatantly break the ban and be rewarded with championship belts? Show comes at Barrett with a kick and clubs to the back at the start. He gives Barrett a couple of big chops and pounds his midsection with rights. Show charges at the corner but Barrett gets his boots up…twice. Barrett hops on Show’s back and locks in a sleeper. Show struggles, but makes his way to the ropes to break it. Barrett unloads on him with stomps as we go to commercial.

Back from break, Barrett mounts with punches and poses. He follows up with stomps and covers for one. He gives Show a boot to the face but Show battles back with chops from one knee. Barrett takes out Show’s leg with a dropkick, hits a DDT and covers. Show throws him out of the ring on two. Barrett re-enters but Show clotheslines him back out. Outside, Show presses Barrett against the barricade and delivers a big chop. Show lifts Barrett onto his shoulder but Barrett shoves him off into the ringpost. Barrett tries to go inside, but Show grabs him by the feet and pulls him back out. Show makes it inside to beat the countout and get the win.
Winner: Big Show in 7:00
Rating: *1/2 (Fine for what they were going for and just about the right length. I would have preferred giving Barrett the countout win, but at least he didn’t lose completely clean.)

Porfirio Diaz: I have to ask: What’s the point of the Corre? To be play-doh for the faces? I don’t even know who they are nor do I care. I only know them as the group that has “the ginger, an unshaved younger Danny Masterson, Rampage Jackson, and the guy who looks like he belongs in a 1950s sitcom”. That’s it! They should just be renamed to “The Scrotes” since all they seem to be doing is dicking around at this point.

Post-match, the rest of the Corre make their way to Wade Barrett’s rescue. They get up on the apron and enter the ring as Big Show heads out and grabs a steel chair. He manages to hit Justin Gabriel, but the rest make it to safety.

Porfirio Diaz: So this is where the famed “Smackdown Re-take” that I’ve heard so little about happened. Here’s the tale of two takes:

First take: After the match, the Corre came rushing down to gather their fallen teammate and to confront the Big Show… on the apron… while he casually got out of the ring and came back in with a chair. What a polite group to let Show have all that time to defend himself. Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde turned blue at the sight of the scary chair and ran while the Big Show wakka’ed after them. Way to be a threat, guys.

Second take: Same as above, only this time, the Corre entered the ring. With chair in hand, Show laid waste to one of them with a smack of the chair and the group retreated, thus making them look 50% legit weaker.

We get a video package on the Undertaker/Triple H confrontation from Raw. In stark contrast to their wordless meeting on Monday, this video had a voiceover guy detailing the proceedings.

In the back, Vickie Guerrero and Drew McIntyre make their way to the ring.

Porfirio Diaz: FACT: Vicky Guerrero is, right now, the best heel in wrestling. No one angries up the blood of an audience more than she does. That’s some good sasparilla right there.

Match Five: Mixed Tag Team Match- Edge (8-1)/Kelly Kelly (1-2) vs. Drew McIntyre (4-4)/Vickie Guerrero (0-0)
McIntyre and Vickie are in the ring as we come back from commercial. Edge looks excited at the fact he may end Vickie’s career tonight. Kelly starts out with Vickie. Vickie shoves Kelly but Kelly catches a boot and drops her on her ass. Kelly mounts and repeatedly rams Vickie’s head into the mat. Vickie yells and tags McIntyre. Edge ducks a clothesline and strikes. In the corner, he leaps over McIntyre and rolls him up for two. Edge motions to Vickie, “that close.” Edge telegraphs a back body drop but goes down to a shoulderblock for one. McIntyre slugs in the corner then stomps on the head. He mounts and attacks with punches. McIntyre stomps some more and clubs the back before stretching Edge’s neck and back. He stops an escape with a mat slam. As McIntyre looks at Kelly, Edge busts out a flapjack. Edge ducks a clothesline and hits with forearm smashes. He hits a half nelson facebuster for two. Edge charges at McIntyre in the corner, but misses. Vickie greets him with a slap across the face. Edge turns around and gets drilled with a big boot by McIntyre. McIntyre thinks he has it in the bag, so he takes his time setting up the Future Shock DDT. Edge counters into an Edgecution and gets that look in his eye. He pulls on his hair and kneels in the corner. Vickie steps in the way and begs him to stop. Kelly runs in and takes her out with a Spear. Edge follows up with a Spear on McIntyre to end it.
Winner: Edge/Kelly Kelly in 6:00
Rating: *3/4 (Edge/McIntyre is an intriguing match-up, but we only got a small taste of it here. The in-ring was basically filler as the finish was a foregone conclusion.)

Porfirio Diaz: You know how there’s times when one of your eyelashes decides to go swimming in your retina and scorching agony overtakes your body? That’s what I felt when I watched this match. No, wait… that was during the first half of NXT. This is a pleasant numb.

Post-match, Edge and Kelly Kelly wave good-bye as Vickie Guerrero looks like she’s about to cry. Teddy Long’s music hits and he raises the roof. Fantastic! He gives us his classic little dance as we go to commercial. Vickie’s firing is next…

Back from break, Edge, Long and Vickie stand in the ring. Long couldn’t look happier and a small “Na na na na” chant breaks out. Vickie is so sorry- she will be the best employee ever. Long doesn’t want to hear of it. Vickie, you’re fired! She goes outside and begs ref Scott Armstrong for help. She goes to Booker T next, but he just laughs at her. I love it. Michael Cole is next, but he doesn’t know what to do. He promises he will try to talk to Long. Vickie even tries to get the cameraman to help her. She grabs a mic and heads back inside. Her heart was always with Edge. He is the World Champion and he can help her. She gets on her knees and hugs his leg Hornswoggle style. She needs her job! Edge agrees that he can help her. Instead, he’d rather sing…Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye! The crowd follows along as Vickie makes her way up the ramp in tears. At the top of the ramp, Vickie yells something like “Do it!”…

Porfirio Diaz: No, I didn’t participate in the sing-a-long. I’M NOT A SOULESS EYE BOOGER LIKE THE REST OF YOU MONSTERS. I actually like Vicky. She deserves better.

All of a sudden, Alberto Del Rio blindsides Edge from behind and locks in the Cross Armbreaker. He eventually breaks it and flashes a big grin. Del Rio winks and walks away to end the show.

Porfirio Diaz: Overall: meh.

(I mostly agree with Porfirio’s overall assessment, and I’d like to thank him for his participation. Outside of the opener, there wasn’t much happening by way of wrestling tonight. That said, we were treated to some high-quality promos; namely, the entire Dusty Rhodes/Cody Rhodes/Rey Mysterio segment and Vickie getting fired. Both were absolute GOLD with excellent crowd responses. Other than that, I really hope this Kofi Kingston losing streak is designed to go somewhere. If not, get the IC title off of him before any more damage is done.)