411’s WWE Smackdown Report 04.10.09

Greetings humanity! Welcome to the Smackdown report with me, Chris Lansdell.

We get the obligatory WMXXV video package, with the AWESOME song Touched, by VAST. It’s a sad state of affairs when the song on your video package is better than the show.

Matt Hardy is out to start us off, with his absolutely tremendous cocky grin. JR and Todd Grisham are our hosts. There is some serious heat for Matt. He talks about unforgettable Mania moments, saying that there were many this past Sunday. He says a lot of people are calling HBK-Taker the best WrestleMania match ever, but what is not debatable is that the greatest WrestleMania moment of all time was last Sunday, when Matt beat Jeff. He calls Jeff an extreme disappointment and says for years he was looked upon as “the other Hardy”, but he proved to the world that he is the superior Hardy and that he always has been. Classic heel promo right here. Beating Jeff won’t be enough, as long as there are people doing his gestures and screaming his name it will never be enough. Jeff will always have to look over his shoulder because Matt won’t stop or quit. He wants Jeff to make a smart decision and apologise for being a disappointment, and then apologise to Matt for attempting to be his brother. Ummm…OK? If he doesn’t, he’ll leave the ring strapped to a stretcher and never wrestle again. I wonder if we might get a stretcher match? He calls Jeff out again and the crowd chant for him. Jeff Hardy comes out to a huge pop complete with new t-shirt and storms the ring. Matt high-tails it and Jeff grabs his ass in pain. It’s Teddy Long! He’s back in charge after Vickie went to Raw, and he makes the Stretcher match tonight! But what about Jeff’s injured ass?

Kofi Kingston is backstage with Eve, he talks about his dream growing up and not being disappointed with his performance at MitB. He has Big Show, NEXT!

The Big Show vs Kofi Kingston

Isn’t Kofi on Raw? I smell an upset here. Kofi tries a capoeira kick early, Show brushes off the first one and catches the second. Kofi tries to use his speed but Show catches him an takes him down. In the corner and Show annihilates Kofi’s chest with a palm strike, then lays in a right hand to the body. Clubbing forearm to the back by Show, he applies a cobra clutch and tosses Kofi around, but Kofi comes back with a ridiculously high kick! Kofi tries the 10-punch in the corner, Show holds on but Kofi rolls out of the powerbomb and hits another kick! He tries again and Show just brushes him off. Whip by Show, Kofi avoids the charge with an acrobatic kick to the head and hits a missile dropkick! Spin kick to the head! Bo Bo Bo legdrop! 2 count only. Kofi is up top again, he leaps RIGHT INTO A RIGHT HAND and that’s it!

Winner: The Big Show via pinfall (punch)
That was a good way to show of Kofi’s athleticism while still making Big Show look dominant. I hope Kofi can do more with his MitB coming-out party then Shelton ever did. **½

We get another recap package, for the Hall of Fame ceremony. COMMERCIAL!

Santino Marella is here! I wonder if he brought his sister? He wants to showcase himself in case he gets drafted, and apparently he’s made an open invichallenge. Oh dear, Small just had a Khaligasm! The Great Khali is out with magenta trunks!!! Good lord, so much hot pink in one place! Runjin Singh, who got REALLY bad hair advice, tells Santino that he doesn’t have to fight Khali tonight. Santino says “okey dokey!” and starts heading to higher ground, but there’s a catch! Khali thinks Santina is hot, and he wants her on the Khali Khiss Kham! If Santino can manage that, they won’t have their match. Santino takes umbrage at having his sister talked about in that manner. Does Khali think she graduated from the University of Texas? He says no on behalf of his sister. Khali tries to say, in English, that Santina is hot, but thinks better of it and Singh tells us that Khali said “Wrong answer”.

The Great Khali (with Runjin Singh) vs Santino Marella

Santino tries a kick, Khali khatches it and pushes Santino down, then hits the Punjabi Plunge for 3!

Winner: The Great Khali via pinfall (Punjabi Plunge)
Squash. DUD.

After the commercial, we get another recap, this time of The Streak.

Gail Kim vs Michelle McCool

Gail Kim comes out to a minor pop and lousy music…then we head to commercial? I thought TNA was last night? Before we get back to the match we see all the media stuff Cena has done. And yet, he still did less than $15 million at the box office. DivaTaker starts with a double-leg takedown and gets a quick 1 count. Kicks in the corner by Michelle, Gail pushes her off and avoids a charge. She comes back in with a dropkick, a rana and then an interesting foot-to-the-head move. Michelle rolls outside and tries to come back, but gets caught on the apron. Gail goes out with her and they fight on the apron, Gail gets a couple of stiff back elbows but Michelle comes back with a kick and it pushes Gail into the ring post! Ouch. Michelle rolls her back in and gets a two. Michelle misses a leg drop and Gail is back in charge. Clotheslines and a whip followed by a leaping lariat and a second-rope turning crossbody gets 2 for Gail. She goes for a missile dropkick but misses! Michelle goes for a cover and gets 1 before Gail reverses it and gets the 3!!!

Winner: Gail Kim via pinfall (rollup)
It was OK, they fiddled about a bit and seemed uncomfortable with each other, but it wasn’t horrible. The Divas belt hasn’t been defended in a while, but I seem to remember hearing Maryse was hurt? Still, there should be something coming with these two and Maryse very soon. **

Edge is out for the Cutting Edge. He hasn’t slept in a week. He rolled into Houston expecting the biggest win of his life at WrestleMania, but it was stolen from him by John Cena. He must get really tired of losing to Cena. Huge pop for Cena. He comes out and does his Champ is Here schtick, just to rub it in a little. This crowd is rabid for Cena. Edge doesn’t care about them, he wants to talk to Cena because the World Heavyweight Championship is his life. It’s what keeps his heart beating. Awwww. He candle handle anything as long as he has the title. Cena stole that from him. Cena looks incredulous and stands up, but Edge snaps at him to sit down. DISCIPLINE! Cena tells him to get over himself, he lost at WrestleMania. Cena goes to leave again, and Edge stops him by saying he ruined his life. Cena wants to know how he thought it would end up. How many years have we been doing this, fought over this championship? Cena makes a list of everything they’ve been through, he’s doing a great job with this. Edge had a chance to tell everyone why their rivalry is perhaps the greatest in sports entertainment history (Hi Tony Schiavone!) but instead he whines about Cena stealing the title from him and ruining his life. Cena goes to leave again, Edge stops him and says he hates him. He hates his hat, his t-shirt, his wristbands, he hates everything about him (Hi Ugly Kid Joe!) and everything he stands for. It can’t carry on, it’s shortened both their careers and at Backlash it’s going to end. Edge says he will be the one left standing at Backlash. Cena disagrees (obviously). He says Edge may be a better wreslter than him, may be smarter, but he’s desperate. Last Man Standing is a match based on punishment, and Cena knows he’s tougher than Edge. That’s why he will be the last man standing. Cena goes ballistic and begs Edge to hit him so Cena can unleash hell. Edge is about to oblige but thinks better of it and leaves without saying a word. Wow. That was the most intense I’ve seen Cena get while remaining believable.

Non-Title Match: Carlito and Primo Colon © vs. Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes

Primo has a belt around his waist and one on his shoulder, while Carlito has gone for the joined straps around the neck concept.

DiBiase attacks Carlito right away ans they double-team him in the corner. Quick tags back and forth and they continue the beatdown until Carlito fights out. Carlito has a hip toss blocked, DiBiase rolls through it and kicks Carlito in the head. Tag to Rhodes who gets rolled up quickly for two before coming back with a big clothesline. Carlito regains control and tags Primo. Slam by Carlito and Primo is dropped onto Rhodes by his brother. 2 count only. Carlito back in, Rhodes regains the upper hand but Carlito ducks the double clothesline and hits the springboard back elbow on both men. Back body drop to DiBiase and we head to commercial.

We come back with Primo in a body scissors. DiBiase tags Rhodes who comes off the top with a double axe handle. Rhodes drops some knees on Primo, gets a scoop slam and tags in DiBiase. DiBiase gets a double stomp off the top which gets him 2. Primo is whipped chest-first to the corner and Rhodes gets tagged in. Abdominal stretch applied by Rhodes, Primo breaks it with a hip toss. Rhodes charges and gets backdropped over the top! DiBiase helps Rhodes to his feet and back to the ring but Calrito gets the tag! High knee by Carlito and a clothesline! Whip is reversed, Carlito clotheslines DiBiase off the apron but gets caught by Rhodes. Carlito fights back and goes up top but gets yanked off by DiBiase, Rhodes rolls the dice and that’s all.

Winners: Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase via pinfall (Rhodes on Carlito, CrossRhodes)
A fun little match, some nice interactions and a good dose of uncertainty. They worked well together for a first-time pairing. **3/4

Post match, Priceless beatdown the Colons, including a swank Million Dollar Dream into a uranage by DiBiase. Orton strolls down to the ring and sees both Colons laying motionless, then raises the arms of his boys to the displeasure of the crowd.

Back from commercial, Orton is cutting a promo. He…very…slowly…talks about…the main…event…at…Backlash. Cleveland Brown sounds like Six compared with this guy. He says absolutely nothing of any value.

Grisham, who has done a really good job tonight, explains the rules of the stretcher match.

Stretcher Match: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

I’d just like to once again point out the vast improvement in Matt Hardy’s appearance now that he has actual wrestling tights.

Jeff ducks a clothesline and lays in some shots on Matt, then charges him in the corner with two clotheslines. Matt flees to the outside, where Jeff finds him and rams him into the apron. Jeff tries to suplex Matt onto the stretcher but Matt falls off. Ouch. Matt regains control and rolls Jeff back in, then drops an elbow on the back of his head. Jeff blocks a vertical suplex then hits the gordbuster. Twist of Fate try by Jeff, Matt puishes him off and hits the Side Effect. Matt gets the stretcher and has Jeff in position, he rolls him right up to the line but Jeff kicks out at him and comes off the stretcher with a clothesline. GOOD GRIEF Hardy rides the stretcher down the ramp and hits Matt with another clothesline! Never seen that one before.

We come back to see Matt in control. He gets a whip but Jeff hits him with a clothesline, Jeff tries an inverted atomic but Matt locks in a butterfly hold! Wow, almost like Jimmy Jacobs’ End Time. Nice to see that. Jeff appears to be out, Matt fetches the stretcher and rolls Jeff onto it. Up the ramp he goes again, Jeff tries to punch his way free and eventually grabs the railing to halt the stretcher. Matt pulls him to his feet and Jeff gets the mule kick! He whips Matt to the steps and goes for the stretcher again, he has him in position but Matt gets off before the line. They fight from opposite sides of the stretcher, Matt knocks Jeff down the ramp and goes to run over Jeff’s head! Fortunately Jeff moves just in time. Matt has a chair and gets on the apron to get Jeff out of the ring, but Jeff hits the chair into Matt’s face! That causes Matt to fall off the apron onto the stretcher and Jeff climbs! He OVERLEAPS and lands ass-first on the stretcher, but on the replay you can see that was his plan as it catapulted the stretcher into Matt’s face. Jeff puts Matt on the stretcher and rams him into the steps. Again Jeff goes up with Matt on the stretcher…SWANTON!! MISSES!!!!! Jeff landed hard and BOUNCED. Matt goes up the ramp with Jeff, stopping occasionally to punch him in the face. Matt grabs the chair and WAFFLES Jeff and that will do it! Over the line they go!

Winner: Matt Hardy via line-crossing
It wasn’t as spot-filled, but I think this was as good as or better than their Mania match. Very good, much better psychology and storytelling. ***¼

Matt pushes the stretcher down the ramp and poses as we go off the air!