411’s WWE Smackdown Report 06.25.10

Hi, hello and welcome to 411’s WWE Smackdown Report! I’m Steve Cook, and tonight we’ve got some interesting things on the agenda. No World Champion, as Rey Mysterio was on vacation with his family this week, but CM Punk will take on Kane in a No Disqualification match in our main event, and we’ve also got a match between Big Show & the former World Champion, Jack Swagger, on the docket tonight.

I have nothing witty to say at the moment, so let’s get right to the action…

We open with Smackdown General Manager Theodore Long and his assistant Vickie Guerrero in his office. Long tells us how there were three new champions crowned at Fatal 4-Way, including a new World Champion, Rey Mysterio. Rey will be defending his title at a new PPV concept, Money in the Bank. Vickie tells us that they will be evaluating the Smackdown Superstars over the next two weeks and will decide which eight men will compete in a Money In The Bank match at the PPV. Theodore explains the MITB rules which we’re well familiar with at this point. Vickie tells us that Mr. McMahon was viciously attacked at Raw, rendering him incapacitated as we speak. Therefore…Drew McIntyre interrupts before Vickie can finish, and asks Theodore why he’s smiling. Long’s happy, so Drew reminds him of what happened on Smackdown. Long explains to him that due to the absence of Mr. McMahon, the Board of Directors told him that he can run the show the way he feels appropriate. His first order of business is to reinstate Matt Hardy. His second order of business is to book a match between Matt & Drew tonight. He orders Drew out of his office, and Vickie seconds the order.

LET IT ROLL! Todd Grisham & Matt Striker are your hosts for tonight’s show from Manchester, New Hampshire, home of the first Presidential primaries. Wonder if Linda’s in town doing some campaigning? Hey, Obama was doing that sort of thing before he got elected to the Senate too. But enough political discussion, let’s get some wrestlers in the ring!

Match 1: Opening Contest
Big Show vs. Jack Swagger

Swagger wants everyone to know that he has filed a protest against WWE, for the fact that he has to fight a 500 pound giant right now, and for the fact he had to defend his World title in a fatal four-way, a match so crazy it is impossible for him to come out victorious. It wasn’t fair, as there were no rules enforced in order to protect him. So when Kane interfered to cost him his World title, he was cheated. He invokes his rematch clause at the Money In The Bank PPV, and he is confident he will come out victorious. If there’s one thing his daddy taught him, it’s that cheaters never win, and winners never cheat. Until the PPV he will make everyone suffered the way he did on Sunday, the way his dad suffered on Father’s Day. Right now he will make Big Show suffer.

The match starts and it’s the Big Show making Swagger suffer. Big chop in the corner! Punch to the gut sends Swagger down, then Show sits on him for good measure. Another punch to the gut, Show picks him up and head butts him down. Swagger tries to recover on the outside, Show picks him up and puts him on the apron, but Swagger drops him neck first on the top rope and heads to the high-rent district, only for Show to hit the ropes and crotch the All-American American on the top turnbuckle. Show heads up to the second rope…superplex! Swagger rolls outside in pain as we head to commercial…

We’re back and Big Show is arm wringing Jack Swagger. He works over the arm, so one has to guess that Arn Anderson laid this one out. Wristlock slam and leg drop to the left arm of Swagger. Swagger fights back with the other arm, but the punches get blocked and Swagger gets put down. Show stands on the arm for giggles and the fans chant “Let’s Go Big Show”. Swagger applies a front chancery, but Show picks him up and tosses him off. Clothesline by Show, squash in the corner, one in the opposite corner, misses a clothesline and Swagger chop blocks him! Cover gets a one, Swagger DDTs the foot of Big Show twice, hyper extending the left knee of Big Show. Stepover toehold by Swagger…Show tosses him off but is slow to get up…Swagger boots him in the corner and shoulder blocks him off the middle rope for two. Legdrop, brother! Vader Bomb! He tries another but Show catches him with the goozle hand…choke slam reversed, Swagger rolls into an ankle lock! This must seem familiar to Big Show, who manages to reach the ropes, but Swagger refuses to release the hold (in fact, he grapevines the leg when the ref tells him he has 5 seconds to break) and gets himself disqualified!

Winner by Disqualification: Big Show (7:19 aired, **½)
I was a little concerned when I read the spoilers this week and saw that Swagger seemed to be transitioning from a champion that lost all the time to a number one contender that lost all the time…but this seemed kind of like Angelina Love getting disqualified against Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich on recent Impact episodes. I bet nobody ever thought that Velvet or Lacey would be compared to Big Show, but there you have it. These guys have pretty good chemistry now after working against each other the past couple of months.

Big Show taps the mat and holds the rope, but it takes two referees to get Swagger to break the hold. Show can’t stand up, and curls up in the fetal position holding his knee. He tries to use the ropes to get himself up, but the leg just won’t hold as Swagger looks on with a pleased look on his face.

Match 2: Six-Man Tag Team Match
Curt Hawkins, Vance Archer & Dolph Ziggler vs. MVP, Christian & Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston

MVP & Hawkins start things off…MVP sends him down with three straight punches, Hawkins off the ropes, MVP suplexes him for a two count. Tag to Christian, he punches Hawkins some as well, off the ropes, dropkick by Christian gets two. Tag to MVP, who gets thrown into the other corner. Tag to Ziggler, who whips Hawkins into MVP’s boot. MVP then knocks Archer off the apron and chucks Ziggler to the outside. I don’t think that’s how they drew it up. Dive by MVP! Dive by Kofi! Dive by Christian! The good guys stand tall as we head to commercial…

MVP whips Dolph into the corner and delivers a flying forearm for two. Tag to Kofi, who does a nifty rollup for two. Armbar by Kofi, he wrings the arm, Dolph reverses into a shoulder block. Dolph goes off the ropes and Kofi leapfrogs a couple of times before hitting a reverse elbow. Two count. Dolph gets the advantage with a knee to the gut, but Kofi immediately regains control. He knocks Ziggler down for the elbow drop, but Hawkins comes in and creates a distraction, which Dolph takes advantage of. Mr. Perfect neck snap gets two. Archer tags in and delivers a swinging neck breaker for two. Chinlock! Kofi fights out, but runs into an elbow by Archer that gets a two count. Tag to Hawkins, nice little gut buster by Archer gets two. Vertical suplex by Hawkins. He applies a variation of the Camel Clutch, which doesn’t make Kofi humble because he jacks Curt’s jaw. Dolph tags himself in and prevents Kofi from making the tag. He lands an elbow drop for two. Bodyslam by Ziggler, who kicks Kofi and yells What. Kofi head scissors him and after a series of reversals tags in Christian! Punches for Dolph, face plant, he stands on Dolph’s back on the ropes, vaults outside, punches Hawkins but Dolph avoids the punch and regains control inside the ring. He kicks MVP off the apron, Christian comes from behind with a reverse DDT for two. Archer gets knocked off the ring apron. Christian with a sunset flip, but it’s rolled through and Bill-er I mean Dolph hits the Famouser for two! Big slap by Christian, he goes up top…Dolph follows him up but gets knocked off and Christian missile dropkicks him for two! Everybody’s in the ring now…MVP Cactus Clotheslines Archer to the outside and Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise on Hawkins, and it’s back to Christian & Dolph alone in the ring. Dolph rams Christian into the corner but the Peepmaster avoids the Zig Zag and flips the Killswitch for the three count!

Winners: MVP, Christian & Kofi Kingston (9:07 aired **¾)
I’m a mark for well-worked six-man tags and this was a pretty good effort from everybody involved. Dolph did the majority of the work for his team, but that was probably for the best.

Dolph looks mad before we see some replays. He still looks mad after the replays and you can hear him saying it wasn’t his fault to Hawkins. Well, the Gate Crashers hadn’t lost yet, so the blame’s gotta go somewhere.

Match 3: Singles Contest
Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy

Drew emotes frustration on his way to the ring…but then again, when doesn’t he? Matt seems intent on retribution…some jawing between the two after the bell rings, they trade punches with Matt getting the upper hand, sending Drew outside. Drew tries to pull Matt out with him, but Matt kicks him into the announce table and bangs his head into the apron. Back inside now, and Matt spears him to the floor! Drew gets tossed over the ring steps and thrown back inside. Matt gets caught by Drew on his way back in, who rams him into the corner, sending Matt down to the floor. Drew rolls outside and back suplexes Matt on the floor! Matt seems on the verge of getting counted out, but makes it back in at nine. Drew is perturbed, and he stomps away on Matt. Now he punches away as the referee tells him to simmer down. European uppercut by Drew gets two. Drew applies an armbar and Matt fights out…Drew whips him into the corner but runs into Matt’s boot. Matt goes up top but gets stopped by Drew, who climbs up to the middle rope. He head butts Matt and hits a Michinoku Driver variation! Two count on that one. The fans chant “USA” because Scottish people are evil, I guess. Well, Piper was pretty diabolical in his day. Drew punches Matt repeatedly in the corner and the referee breaks it up. Matt fights back, off the ropes, Drew with an elbow for two. Armbar with a neck crank! Drew rubs his forearm against Matt’s chin, but Matt briefly fights back before Drew grounds and pounds him. He places Matt up top…back suplex off the middle rope gets two when Matt grabs the bottom rope! We go to commercial as Matt recovers on the outside…

We’re back and Matt’s back in a hold, he fights out only to get rammed into the corner and repeatedly hit by Drew. Nice standing clotheslines in the corner, he short-arm clotheslines Matt down to the canvas. Big stomp by Drew gets two. Matt drops Drew down for a two count as he begins to fight back. Side Effect gets a two count. Matt clotheslines Drew in the corner, but the Scot drops out of a bulldog attempt and hits Hardy with a big boot for two. Neckbreaker off the knee gets a two count, and McIntyre’s just about had it with this nonsense. He goes for the Futureshock DDT, but Hardy backdrops him out of the ring! Double axe-handle off the ring apron by Matt, he rams Drew’s head into the ring apron, but Drew rams him spine-first into the ring steps. He goes for a good ol’ fashioned stomp of Matt’s head on the steps, but Matt sweeps the leg and Drew lands back-first on the steps! That’s a momentum changer. Cover gets two. While the previous move is being replayed, Drew sweeps Matt’s leg and Matt lands back-first on the canvas off the middle rope! Two count by the referee. Fans chant “Hardy”, who hits the Twist of Fate out of nowhere and gets a three count!

Winner: Matt Hardy (12:32 aired ***¼)
I gotta admit I wasn’t expecting this kind of match out of these two, but it was pretty darn impressive. They looked like they really hated each other and the offense helped tell that story. Good match.

After the match, Theodore Long appears on the Titantron with some bad news for McIntyre. He was doing some research, and it looks like somebody’s visa has expired! Somebody is in this country illegally right now. Theodore tells security to escort McIntyre out of the building. Matt waves goodbye to Drew, who tells Matt Striker to tell them that Mr. McMahon won’t allow them to deport him. Striker tells him that Mr. McMahon is inaccessible, and Drew yells that he isn’t going anywhere and walks up the ramp. So technically he is going somewhere.

Promo Time!

Cody Rhodes walks out with his NXT Rookie, Husky Harris. Striker doesn’t want to talk about his adventures with these two on NXT. Cody says we’re trying to get a look at his naturally sculpted facial features. Take a look at WWE’s most attractive superstar. The WWE Divas voted in a special online poll about which WWE Superstar was the most handsome, and Cody Rhodes won, with Cena second, Orton third, Jericho fourth & MVP fifth. We take a look at Husky Harris, who showcases his gut. Unfortunately, Husky represents the average male with his horrible tattoos and his really dirty hair. He thanks Husky for his time and sends him off. Cody can’t help it that he was born this good-looking. It wasn’t genetics, have you seen his father and brother? Sometimes, a blessing can be a curse. He points at a fan and asks if he knows how hard it is to maintain his skin? He can hear somebody getting fatter. Does Todd know how many countless hours he spends in the gym while he reads Superman comics and checks out Rotten Tomatoes? He tells Tony Chimel that he hasn’t had a carb since Bill Clinton was President, while he hasn’t had a donut since the first match. He thanks the WWE Divas, who have exquisite taste. He can’t help that he excels in the ring. Teddy Long & Vickie Guerrero need to consider the man with a money face for Money in the Bank. From now on, everybody will call him “Dashing” Cody Rhodes. He says it an insane amount of times before leaving.

Help me out here, ladies (and guys too, if that‘s your thing)…Cody Rhodes? Handsomest WWE Superstar? I’m not an expert on these things so I need to know if “Dashing” Cody Rhodes strikes your fancy. I mean, he’s probably the most attractive of the Rhodes family, but that’s like being the skinniest kid at fat camp.

Backstage, Dolph Ziggler tells Vickie Guerrero that their relationship was supposed to be a two-way street, and he wants something in return. An Intercontinental title match…or else…make it happen! Vickie looks at the picture of her & Dolph in the background and contemplates what was just said.

Match 4: Divas Match
Rosa Mendes vs. Kelly Kelly (w/Tiffany)

Rosa jumps rope before the match, which I approve of. Indeed, I approve. I approve of the Blondetourage as well, and of course I approve of Team Laycool, who make their way to the ring in order to…does it matter? Not really, I’m just happy to be here. Their NXT Rookie Kaval is sporting his pink shirt from NXT, and Layla & Michelle McCool are here to provide some insightful commentary. Well, it only lasts long enough for Striker & Layla to exchange birthday wishes, as Kelly hits the K2 and gets the 1-2-3.

Winner: Kelly Kelly (:16, no rating)
I’m not quite as happy to be here as I once was. At least LayCool got a couple insults in on Rosa & a Smelly Kelly reference. It also continues to tell the story of Rosa being inept.

LayCool are confused as Kelly smirks at them and almost get in the ring, but they think better of it and hold up their title belts.

Earlier tonight, Jack Swagger sent a message!

Alberto Del Rio talks about how he’s an honest man. All men are born with it, but they lose it quickly. A liar is a despicable person. Some of us lie more than others…we’re all liars. There’s only one man who does not lie, who refuses to lie. There’s only one honest man, Alberto Del Rio.

(This is Dos Caras Jr., who is the son of a famous luchador and used to wear a mask. He is not wearing a mask in WWE.)

Match 5: No-Disqualification Main Event
CM Punk vs. Kane

Conspicuous by their absence are the other members of the Straight Edge Society, but I have a feeling they’ll make their way out eventually. Punk grabs the mike and says that he only has one thing to say. Well, that’s a first. This is the face of an innocent man. Hidden by a mask…suuuuuuuurrrrrrrrreeeeee. He has black & green tights this week, which just reminds me more of Delirious. Punk attacks as Kane enters, but Kane tosses Punk into the corner and out of the ring, punching away on the Straight Edge Savior outside. He throws Punk into the barricade a couple of times, and punches him down to the ground. He rams Punk back first into the ring apron and knocks him down again before dropping him throat first on the barricade. Sure enough, here’s Luke Gallows, but that doesn’t matter for too long as Kane punches him down, rams his head into the steps and tosses him into the barricade. Punk runs into a clothesline. The Hooded Stranger makes an appearance to receive some of the same treatment. I guess he’s proud of his physique now since he’s not wearing a shirt. Kane rams him into the railing, and Punk takes advantage of a brief Serena distraction to hit Kane from behind. Gallows is there as well and the three on one thing seems to be fair odds for the SES in this matchup. Punk throws Kane into that busy barricade, as do Gallows & the Stranger. Gallows splashes Kane, but a charging Punk gets back dropped over the railing and Kane fires back on the other two. Gallows rammed into the pole, as is the Stranger. Kane rams Punk’s hand sinto the announce table and the steps. He seems to have targeted Punk’s injured right elbow, as he stretches it against the ringpost. Punk gets sent elbow first into the steps. Again! He clears the announce table, throwing the top on Punk. Goozle for the Stranger, and a choke slam on the floor! He picks Punk up, but Gallows attacks from behind. That doesn’t last long, as Gallows gets choke slammed through the table! With Punk’s backup incapacitated, he’s seen fit to exit the building, as Kane follows him through the crowd and into the lobby, where Kane catches up and slams him through a merchandise table! You break it, you buy it, fella. Punk gets tossed over the cotton candy table now and then breaks it with his groin. That’s gotta hurt. Kane punches Punk out of the building, and Punk runs off while Kane stands in the doorway. RUN, PUNK! RUN!

Winner: No Contest 7:50, no rating)
Interesting conclusion to tonight’s show. Kane seems to have decided that the SES is responsible for his brother’s demise, but they still claim their innocence. Are they? You can never tell with Kane. It’s always fun to watch people get beat up with tables and stuff, so I liked it.

So long and good night, folks!