411’s WWE Superstars Report 04.20.13

Commentators: Matt Striker & Tony Dawson

Championship’s roll call: WWE Champion: John Cena… World Champion: Dolph Ziggler… Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett… United States Champion: Kofi Kingston… Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No… NXT Champion: Big E Langston… NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville & Oliver Grey… Diva’s Champion: Kaitlyn

Tons of Funk (w/The Funkadactyls) vs. Primo & Epico (w/Rosa Mendes):   Primo and Clay start us off this week. They lock up and Clay threatens to punch in the corner but FIXES THE HAIR instead. Primo tries a go-behind and Clay’s all “seriously?” He backs Primo into the corner and gives him an André Butt Splash but misses the follow up charge. Primo then tries a leaping tornado DDT but Clay cuts him off mid-move into a fireman’s carry; he tosses Primo off and hits a head-butt. Tensai tags and they hit a side suplex/elbow drop combo. Epico tags in and immediately gets caught in a stalling butterfly suplex but only gets two. Clay returns and Sweet T tosses him into Epico in the corner; they exchange again and hit another double team: this time a bodyslam into a rapid-fire series of elbow drops. Epico tries to go Lucha on Tensai so he monkey flips him across the ring. He then hits a rolling armdrag and then shovels into a running Cannonball. He drops his head for a backdrop and the Colóns try a blind tag double team but Tensai sniffs it out. He chucks both of them into the corner but both Colóns avoid the splash and hit a double backdrop suplex to finally get the advantage. Back from break with Primo setting up Epico for a sliding Bossman Straddle. Tensai makes a quick comeback but Primo manages to weather the storm and bring Epico back in via Hilo. He uses the BOOTLACE EYE RAKE, which I always loved; he then busts out the ring rope burn move as well. These two must have just read the Book of Heel written by Tully Blanchard, foreword by Ric Flair. Epico hits a Flatliner looking move and gets two; he lassos him in a front facelock as each team’s cheerleaders try to rally their respective charges. Sweet T gets a suplex to break the hold and tags in Brodus. He comes in a house of fire with clotheslines and exploder suplex. The Funky Avalanche sets up a powerslam but Epico comes in. Tensai wipes him out and they hit a tandem splash for the pinfall.   4/10 The usual tag match from these two; I figured that Tons of Funk would win. Primo and Epico are the Tito Santana ’91 version of a tag team; they are talented to the point that they can make pretty much anyone look good against them. Every so often the WWE decides to push a Colón, we shall see if these two get one in 2013.

Here are your winners… Tons of Funk via double splash pinfall

Highlights from Raw are shown with Sheamus and Randy Orton facing the Big Show are shown. That match was booked so Show dominated two former champions and only lost because there were two of them.

The next set of highlights from Raw is the peculiar CM Punk promo where he “walked off” the show (and will take some time off to recharge the battery). Brock Lesnar then beats up all three members of 3MB and issues yet another challenge to Triple H.

Natalya Neidhart vs. Tamina Snuka:   I wonder how many times the commentators will mention Jim Neidhart or Jimmy Snuka throughout this match? Snuka applies a headlock; Nattie fires her off but gets shoulderblocked. Tamina continues on O with a hiplock. Natalya kicks her way free, drops her, and quickly tries a Sharpshooter. Tamina pulls Nattie to the floor but it does not go well for her as Snuka plants a foot in her throat with a superkick. She works over the leg in the ring and applies a seated leglock; Natalya frees herself and gets a surprise schoolboy in the corner. Tamina maintains control and keeps on the leg with a leg whip and another leglock. Natalya comes back and they trade forearms until Tamina snags her in a Samoan Drop, for two. She sets Nattie up for the Superfly but she grabs the ankle. Natalya inside cradles her into the Sharpshooter; Tamina battles and almost gets to the ropes but Nattie drags her back to the center and Snuka taps out.   3/10 Shot little match that gets Nattie a win. She’s won about three or four matches in a row, which means that she’s due a title match soon. Not that anyone knows there is a divas champion anyway since Kaitlyn is rarely on television.

Here is your winner… Natalya Neidhart via Sharpshooter submission

The final highlights package is, of course, Ryback’s heel turn and continuing feud with John Cena. This week he explained himself with highlights to back it up; he presents a rather compelling argument actually. He helped John every time the Shield attacked him but Cena was nowhere to be found when Ryback needed him. That all leads to a face-to-face at the end of Raw where the Shield attacked again and Ryback stood down and did nothing to help Cena in a tit-for-tat. Despite no one wanting to boo Ryback, I liked this heel turn; it is just hard for the WWE to turn anyone who is even remotely popular against Cena since John does not always elicit a true babyface reaction.

OVERALL 3.5/10   Below average show this week; the tag match in the outset was the only “highlight” and it was just your standard “foregone conclusion” match, tag team version. The divas match wasn’t awful, just boring, with no flair.

Please follow Marc Elusive on Twitter or like Marc Elusive on Facebook or check out www.marcelusive.net for reviews and recaps (of current WWE and old WWF PPVs, DVDs and VHS tapes) and a little analysis; more of a play-by-play style, like my reviews here. Thank you for all of your support.