411’s WWE Velocity Report: 04.29.06

So we’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is that rumors are swirling, and as of now, Velocity is scheduled to be axed, with the new ECW show taking its place. The good news, however, is that I’ve recently signed a deal with Douglas House, a small publishing company in upstate New York, to produce my first book- Live Fast, Die Young- The Unauthorized History of WWE Velocity. Look for it in bookstores sometime in 2009.

Chris Benoit versus Vito

At first glance, this match seems to favor Benoit. However, as much as I like the Rabid Wolverine, he’s never pinned Misawa. Vito puts on one motorcycle glove, cause he’s bad ass like that. Lock up, and Benoit gets backed to the corner. Benoit turns it around and gets an armdrag. Lockup, and Vito grabs a headlock. Benoit shoots him off, but Vito comes back with a shoulder. Benoit gets a drop toe hold and goes for the Crossface, but Vito gets the ropes. Fingers are locked. Vito throws a kick, but that mainly just pisses Benoit off, who unleashes with kicks, chops, and forearms. Vito slugs Benoit down, then whips him to the rope and catches him with a clothesline off the rebound for two. Vito gets a suplex for another two. Benoit chops, but Vito nails him and gets a snapmare. He applies a chinlock on the mat. Benoit gets up and shoots Vito to the corner. Vito hits an elbow, then slams Benoit and hits the Vader Bomb for two. Benoit gets a rollup for two, but Vito hits another clothesline for another near fall. Back to the chinlock goes Vito, Benoit gets up, slides over on a slam, and nails Vito with the Rolling Germans. He cuts the throat and goes up top, then hits the headbutt. He struggles for the Crossface, then gets it, leading to the tapout.

Winner: Chris Benoit
Match Time: 4:57
Rating: ***1/4
Commentary: Benoit’s greatest quality, perhaps, is that he can make any paint-by-numbers affair seem just a bit epic. This was some of that.

Footage of Kurt Angle’s initial title win over The Rock is aired. Not sure why, but hey, it’s cool to see. Rikishi’s interference is edited out.

Matt Hardy versus Andy Simmons

Lockup, and Hardy gets a headlock. Simmons shoots him off, but Hardy comes back with a shoulder. Hardy gets a hiptoss, then a headlock takeover. Simmons gets up and bridges into a top wristlock, then gets a hammerlock. Hardy reverses, but Simmons gets to the ropes and gets a back elbow. Simmons goes up top and misses a dropkick. Hardy hits a clothesline. Simmons guillotines him from the outside, then comes back in and hits some kick punch. Hardy turns the tides with some punches of his own, then hits the Side Effect. He follows up with a top rope elbow, then hits the Twist of Fate for the win.

Winner: Matt Hardy
Match Time: 2:35
Rating: *1/2
Commentary: Not great, even as squashes go.

Another Kurt Angle moment- his fourth WWE title win in a triple threat match with Brock Lesnar and The Big Show.

Paul Burchill versus Nunzio

Burchill poses for the crowd. Lockup, and Nunzio gets a waistlock. Standing switch, and Burchill takes him down. Nunzio gets to the ropes, then shoves Burchill. Burchill shoves him down, then nails a shoulder off the ropes for two. Burchill gets a knee drop, then wild punches. Nunzio reverses a whip and hits a back elbow. Burchill goes ouyt to the apron, where Nunzio hits a baseball slide and knocks him off. Back in, Nunzio gets a cover for two. Nunzio nails some kicks, then clubbing blows. Snapmare, then a low dropkick get two for Nunzio. Nunzio applies a figure four sleeper, then releases it for a chinlock. Burchill gets up, whips Nunzio to the corner, and charges, but Nunzio hits a knee. Burchill avoids the Sicilian Slice, then gets a clothesline in the corner. Burchill stomps a mudhole in Nunzio, then walks it dry. Big beal out of the corner, then a pair of clotheslines. Flapcake gets two for Burchill. Nunzio hits an eyepoke, but Burchill gets the C4 for the win.

Winner: Paul Burchill
Match Time: 4:44
Rating: **1/2
Commentary: Some decent stuff here. The crowd was way into it.

On Smackdown, Rey Mysterio versus Kurt Angle ended in a DQ when Mark Henry splashed him through a table. Angle is legitimately injured, so this is an out.

Orlando Jordan versus Scotty 2 Hotty

That’s right, Velocity Championship Match. Can Scotty become the first ever two-time champion? Circling to start, then a lockup. Scotty gets a waistlock, Jordan gets a top wristlock. He throws Scotty down, then nails him with a knee. Scotty gets up and gets a wristlock. Jordan reverses, but Scotty rolls up and gets an armbar. Jordan throws him down. Scotty gets up and grabs a headlock. Jordan shoots him to the ropes, but Scotty comes back with a shoulder. Jordan leapfrogs, but Scotty throws him down by the hair twice. Scotty gets a kick, leaps out of a corner charge, then throws him by the hair again. OJ gets a clothesline, then stomps. Jordan takes Scotty to the corner and kicks him repeatedly. Kicks turn to stomps, then a boot choke. Jordan gets a suplex for two. He applies a top wristlock. Scotty gets up and out, but Jordan nails him with a kitchen sink for two. Jordan gets a chinlock. Scotty tries to get up, but Jordan slugs him down. He does the OJ hand movement, but Scotty nails him with the wormdog. W-O-R-M, but Jordan pulls him out of the ring before the chop. Scotty nails a shoulder and flips back in, then gets a flying forearm. Scotty tries a backslide, but can’t quite get it. Scotty hits a mounted corner punch. OJ shoves him off, Scotty grabs him from behind and gets a rollup, but only gets two. Jordan kicks him in the gut, hits the Fameasser, and the champ is still here.

Winner: Orlando Jordan
Match Time: 6:38
Rating: ***
Commentary: Decent match. Jordan has improved so much since his debut, he’s really a capable hand these days.