411’s WWE Velocity Report: 08.27.05

Here I am, and here’s Velocity. Sorry for the delay, but I was away for the weekend. So, it appears as if whatever B-show gets made on the move to USA, it won’t be Velocity, at least not as we currently know it. By my count, this is the sixth-last episode we’ve got, so let’s make ‘em count!

Simon Dean versus Russell Simpson

Simon Dean comes down to the ring on a Segway device, increasing his coolness ten-fold. Simpson refuses the bar and tries to roll Dean up, but no dice. Dean takes him down, but Simpson gets a hammerlock. Dean reverses to a front facelock, but Simpson takes him down into an ankle twist. Dean slams Simpsons to the mat by his head, then kicks him in the gut. Dean lifts Simpson up in a double underhook, then hangs him in an inverted tree of woe. He hits a shoulderblock to Simpson’s back, then stomps away on him. Simpson blocks a suplex, only to be punched repeatedly. Dean hooks Simpson’s head between his legs, then does some push-ups which serve to pound Simpson’s head into the mat. That increases his coolness another ten-fold. Dean gets an abdominal stretch, but Simpson fights out. Simpson hits a dropkick for two, but Dean blocks a second and hits the Simonizer for the win.

Winner: Simon Dean
Match Time: 4:01
Rating: **3/4
Commentary: A decent little match. Post-match, I notice that the Dean Machine isn’t a Segway, but rather a four-wheeled conveyance device. Well, I can’t say I’m surprised that they didn’t shell out $3000 for a Simon Dean prop. But they should’ve.

On Smackdown, Booker T and Christian argued, teamed up, then split up. So I guess Christian still is a heel. Yay!

Doug Basham versus Caprice Coleman

Doug’s got hair, sunglasses, and glittery clothes. Pretty, pretty clothes. He takes the microphone and urges the crowd to applaud for Coleman. He builds him up, then insults him. And he calls himself “The Bash Man.” Basham attacks Coleman, then throws him out of the ring. Coleman gets back in and attacks, but Basham tosses him down again. Basham gets a clothesline, then a running elbow. Snake Eyes follows, and Basham applies a trapezius nerve hold briefly. He then grabs a chinlock. Basham whips Coleman to the corner, but Coleman ducks a corner charge and gets a rollup for two. Basham retaliates with an atomic drop, then gets the Leg Lariat for the win.

Winner: Doug Basham
Match Time: 2:12
Rating: **1/4
Commentary: Well, either they’re planning big things for Basham, or they just want him to beat some guys on Velocity. Whichever way it goes, this was certainly a mighty squash.

Josh Mathews interviews William Regal backstage in a segment taped earlier. Regal makes a fake muscle with his jacket, then talks about how he’s back to being the Regal of old. Short promo, but Regalish.

Vito versus Brad Taylor

Now he’s Vito again. Lockup, and Vito backs Taylor into the corner. He shoves him, and Taylor fights back with slaps. Vito knocks him down, then hammers away. He gets a headlock, gets shoved off, and comes back with a shoulderblock. He drops a knee for two, then gets a scoop slam. Vito gets a running elbowdrop, then goes back to punching. Vito gets an arm wringer, then a straightjacket VELOCITY LOCK! Taylor gets up and out, but catches a Mafia Kick from Vito. The Big Vito Special follows and finishes.

Winner: Vito
Match Time: 2:25
Rating: **1/4
Commentary: Another all-out squash. Vito’s been pretty impressive the last couple of weeks, as he’s playing a role in the ring that I haven’t seen him play before, and he’s adapted to it very nicely.

On Smackdown, Chris Benoit, Rey Mysterio, and Batista beat Eddie Guerrero, JBL, and Rey Mysterio. See, I’m dumb, because I expected new storylines after SummerSlam. I guess we’ll have to wait until after Friday Night Smackdown debuts.

Scotty 2 Hotty versus William Regal

Scotty tosses Regal from the apron into the ring, then beats on him with his robe still on. He punches in the corner, Regal shoves him off, and Scotty goes back up to continue punching. He knocks Regal down with an uppercut, then covers for two. Regal tosses Scotty out of the ring by the pants, then stomps him as he gets back in. He whips Scotty to the corner and gets a running elbow, then a double knee lift. Regal reverses a whip and gets a back elbow, then chokes him across the middle rope. He rakes at Scotty’s face, then stomps it. Back in the corner, Regal gets an overhand fist, then another punch for two. Regal covers numerous times, but Scotty kicks out continuously. Scotty whips Regal to the corner, then backdrops him out for two. Regal begs off, but Scotty kicks him, anyway. Regal grabs Scotty and tosses him onto the apron, then slides out of the ring and elbows his chest. A knee to the head follows, and Scotty rolls to the floor. Regal waits in the ring, then pulls Scotty back to the apron. Scotty reverses a suplex back in into a rollup, but Regal kicks out, sending Scotty back onto the apron. Regal continues the punishment, pulling Scotty’s head back against the bottom rope. He applies a face rake again, then whips Scotty and hits him with a back elbow. He applies a modified Cobra Clutch on the canvas, but Scotty gets up and out. Scotty ducks a short arm clothesline and rolls onto Regal for a two count. Scotty gets a backdrop, then a flying forearm for two. He sends Regal back to the corner, then goes for the Wormdog. Regal ducks, but Scotty hits a superkick. Scotty goes for the Worm, but Paul Birchall runs in and clotheslines Scotty for the DQ. Regal and Birchall look at each other, then attack Scotty together. Regal applies the Regal Stretch, then gets off as Birchall hits the top rope kneedrop.

Winner: Scotty 2 Hotty
Match Time: 7:26
Rating: **3/4
Commentary: A little slow at points, but not bad by any means. Nice to see a well-built main event, too. Hopefully this continues… for the next five weeks, anyhow.

Well, nothing stellar, but a solid show. Hope you enjoyed it.