Acero’s WWE Raw Review 7.11.22

Sup y’all! Me and the boys have started a little book club to read Stephen King’s The Dark Tower together and I’m incredibly pumped for it! So pumped that I’m sharing this with you! Anyway,

Last week, I mistakenly claimed Gunther was Russian. Why? Because I don’t even watch Smackdown anymore and I’m a lazy reporter who blindly assumed his origins! His parts were most assuredly unknown.

It’s Monday…you know what that means.

RAW starts hot and heavy with the man of a thousand cows, Brock Lesnar!

Brock tells God to bless Texas. God obliges. Brock has a little extra twang in his speech. He calsl Reigns a hog, says he’s about to be slaughtered, like the ones on his farm that his slaughters daily. At Summerslam, The Tribal Hog is going to get an ass kicking.

Here is Heyman to assure us that they, on The Island of Relevancy, are booing as well.

Brock: “Speaking of hogs…”

Heyman says it bothers him that they’ve gone from Mania to here, playing right into Brock’s hands. Reigns defines his greatness by pinning his opposition an making them tap out, but Brock and Heyman define Brock’s legacy by annihilating people, putting them down for good, taking them out of action, breaking necks. So if brock must put Roman down, then that’s what will do. Brock doesn’t care if he sends Reigns to the hospital or morgue. That’s not a man, that’s a beast, an avenging bad ass that wants revenge against Reigns.

Heyman wants to give Brock his word. They are approaching 700 days of Reigns as champ, and Brock this is not one streak he will not conquer. Heyman will have Reigns ready to put Brock down. If he has to train Roman to stick his hand up Brock’s ass and pull his heart out through that hole, that is what Roman Reigns will do.

Here comes Austin Theory to tell Brock that Summerslam will be the greatest night in WWE history. He will take back his US Title, then watch the match of Mass Destruction. After this match, he’s going to walk down to the ring, holding his contract, handing it to the official, and putting his foot on either Brock’s chest or Roman’s.

Brock tells Theory to come on down right now and let’s go. Theory says it doesn’t matter who wins, because the way they are taking about the outcome, it’ll be life altering. And Mr. Heyman, maybe he should listen to Brock, because Theory has some footage that shows that Brock doesn’t care about anyone but himself.

We get footage of Brock hitting an F-5 onto Theory, tossing him down below, where they black screen it for some reason. Lol. He did this to remind Brock that he didn’t forget.

Brock turns, and there’s Chad Gable and Otis around the ring. Brock calls them cockroaches, then takes off his flannel.

Otis enters the ring. He’s scowlin. Gable clips the leg of Brock, but Brock doesn’t fall. Otis pounces, Brock still on his feet. Clothesline to Otis. Belly to belly to Gable. Clothesline to Otis.

Brock has some steps. He clocks Gable, then Otis. Again for each. Brock tosses the steps into the ring then grabs a chair. Chairshots to Gable and Otis. Brock grabs Gable. Another belly to belly. Brock heads over to Otis, lifts ihm on his shoulders. F-5 to Otis onto the announce table!

We come back to Judgment Day in the ring with Dominic and Rey. Priest says what happened last week was justice for the way things used to be. For instance, in two weeks, Rey will be celebrating his 20th anniversary in the WWE. Face it Rey, you’re done, washed, it’s over. He has nothing else to offer Dominik. No wisdom or strength. All he has is an ugly mask and old and tired circus tricks that are not even Rey’s. However, they have something more to offer Dominik – a whole new set of rules. The future of this business will be decided by The Judgment Day, and Dom is welcome to join it. Rise with The Judgment Day, or continue to fall along side his father.

Finn calms Priest down, asks Dom when he is going to learn. He’s gotta start seeing things like them. Rey? The legend? Know who else is a legend? Edge. Don’t remember?

They show the footage.

Edge is gone because he was a bad leader. Just like Rey. He’s also a bad FADDER!

Rey with a hard right. He and Dom go for a dropkick to Priest, but he rolls out. Finn follows as Rey’s music hits.

Match 1: Rey Mysterio vs Finn Balor

We get some fancy rope work that ends in Rey hitting a rana, sending Finn to the outside. Finn is wearing pants, so you know it’s real. Crossbody from out of the ring by Rey. He sends Finn into the ring. Follows. Finn with a backbreaker and a cover for 1..2..NO!!! Finn attacks the lower back with some forearms. Finn pulls back on the chin of Rey. Cover again for 1..2..NO!!! Finn attacks the back! He lifts Rey and hits a back breaker again. Cover again for 1..2…NO!! Finn with a suplex, then a club to the back. Rey rolls to the apron. He gets to his feet with the help of Finn. Finn sends Rey into the post, but Rey with the foot up. He grabs Finn’s head, sends it into the buckle. Rey to the top rope. Finn clips the knee! Finn wraps the leg around the rope then kicks Rey. Finn sends Rey into the ring, talks some shit to Dominik, then gets kicked by Rey! Rey hobbles to the ropes, slides under the bottom rope, and hits a Code Red to Finn on the outside!

We are back and Rey is kickin some ass. He hits a 619 after some action, tries for a frogsplash, but Finn moves! Crucifix pin for 1..2.NO!!! Finn is up first. He catches Rey on the apron. Rey hits a shoulder, right hand, bounces in, legs on the shoulders, Finn grabs Rey, holds the head, drops a fist on the chest, cover! 1..2..NO!!!!

Finn goes for the same move, this time lifting Rey in the air before dropping the elbow. COUP DE GRACE!!!! Cover for 1..2…3!!!!

Winner: Finn Balor
I mean, you knew it was gonna be great, and my report doesn’t do it justice because I had to check on dinner, but a solid opener and the right winner.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 10:52

Dom slides in to check on Rey, Finn and Priest stand over the laid out body of Rey and talk shit to Dom. Telling him to think about it.

Becky Lynch is here for the upcoming WWE RAW Women’s Championship Match.

Bianca is announced to come out first, weird.

Bianca yells back at Becky to talk about her being robbed.

Match 2: WWE RAW Women’s Championship Match
Bianca Belair vs Carmella

Bianca with shoulders in the corner. She runs into a boot. Mella slams her down hair first. Carmella shoves Bianca a bit, Bainca up, hits a shoulder tackle. To the outside, and Bianca starts talkin shit to Becky as we go to break.

We come back and Mella tries for some quick pins but only gets two. She hits a dropkick, sending Bianca in the corner face first. Mella to the top rope. She flies off the top, Bianca catches her! Delayed suplex to Carmella! Mella to the corner, Bianca avoids her, flips into the center of the ring. Rollup for 1..2..NO!!! Reversal from Bianca who gets 1..2..NO!!! She hops up and smacks her ass then locks up from behind and hits a sloppy Glam Slam. Bianca looks to hop over her, but Carmella holds her foot so Bianca hits a moonsault. KNEES UP!! Superkick from Carmella! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Mella tries for another Superkick, but Bianca catches her, drops her face first in the corner. Bianca sets up for KOD, but Mella holds onto the ropes with her hands, then her feet, then counters the KOD with a Facebuster! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!!

Mella is heated. She rushes the corner with a barrage of rights. Back elbow to Bianca, another. Another, but Bianca locks in a Full nelson. She turns Mella into the corner and stuffs her with a shoulder. In the center of the ring, Bianca lifts up for a powerbomb, Mella slips down, clothesline from Bianca! She attacks the back, beatin her like she got money owed! Spinebuster! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Bianca rolls to th outside, Mella tries to kick, Bianca holds the boot and swings Mella down hard. She heads to the top rope, Mella rolls to the outside to avoid the pain. Bianca follows, grabs her on the outside, locks the head for a suplex, but Mella lands on her feet and rakes the eyes. Bianca shoves Mella into the ringpost. Ref is at 5.

Bianca shows some problems with her eyesight. Ref hits 8. Becky runs up on Bianca to distract her. Bianca looks to attack, but the ref hits a 10 before Bianca can get back in.

Winner: Bianca
They had plenty of time, and I get the impression they wanted to show us that Carmella can go. Unfortunately, I felt like she was moving slower than Bianca, and Bianca overcompensated by slowing down. Couple this with the shitty ending, and the quality takes a nose dive.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 11:52

Carmella holds the title up in the air. She’s been wrestling for how long? Of course, she knows the rules….right?

Bianca hits her with a right and hits the KOD on Carmella.

We are reminded of Ciampa attacking AJ last week.
The Miz comes out, and he’s not alone. Ciampa stands along side him and walks down the ramp as we go to break.

Miz welcomes Ciampa to the show. He wonders if there is an explanation for his actions.

Ciampa wants the eyes of the world on him, and no one commands the peoples attention more than The Miz.

Miz agrees, wonders who else has a hit reality show following RAW.

Ciampa wants Mania, Summerslam, opportunity! Miz say that’s what we all want, and he tried to hand this all to Logan Paul, and did he thank Miz? No, he responded on social media with this:

Logan Paul cut a promo two weeks ago saying he doesn’t want anyting to do with The Miz. He is coming for The Miz at Summerslam. Understand?

He knows what Logan is doing; stirring up controversy. Retract Miz’s statement and take his offer. OR….he’ll find someone else. Tonight, they will show AJ just how great they work together.

AJ has heard enough. He tells Miz to shut his mouth. No one cares what either of them have to say. He has been attacked every time his back is turned. Aj teases bringing up The Miz’s balls. Miz tries to stop him twice. AJ finish, saying this all sounds like the action of a man who is a coward…with tiny tiny balls.

AJ clears the ring with a chair, Miz and Ciampa stand outside of the ring.

Ezekiel’s music hits, and out he comes. He says he realizes that he has never introduced himself. So he does. Elias used to talk about how great AJ was. He was also insistent upon the fact that The Miz has tiny balls. He has spoken to Adam Pearce and has gotten the match turned into a tag team match.

Match 3: AJ Styles and Ezekiel vs The Miz and Ciampa

WE come back to the match already going down. Ezekiel and Ciampa start it off. Side headlock from Ezekiel. Ciampa escapes, shoots Zeke to the corner, who mule kicks out of the corner. Right hand, another, whip to the ropes. Ciampa holds onto the ropes, kicks, and tags in The Miz. Arm drag from Zeke. Tag to AJ. AJ drops an elbow to the arm. Right hand. Chop. Whip. Miz kicks, AJ with a dropkick. AJ sends Miz into the corner and hit a few shoulders. Tag to Zeke. He kicks, side headlock. Zeke catches the tagged in Ciampa and tosses him over the head. Back elbow from Ciampa, Miz with a cheap shot. AJ argues, Ciampa hits the ropes, hard knee to Zeke. Ciampa follows, grabs the head of Zeke, and sends him into the barricade. Ciampa sits on the apron and congratulates himself. Ciampa sends Zeke into the ring. Tag to Miz who sends Zeke into th table as we go to break.

We are back and Ciampa has a lock from behind. He rolls up zeke, gets a 1..2.NO!!! High knee from Zeke! Both men down! Tag to Miz. Tag to AJ! He comes in with a clothesnie! Again! Right, left, right, kick, back fist. Hits the ropes, running right hand. AJ with a pumphandle into a gut buster. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! AJ with a roll up for 1..2..NO!!! Miz is upset. He stands tall calling for the end. He locks up from behind, Aj turns this into a Driver onto the knee! Cover for 1.2..NO!!! Ciampa is there to break it up. Zeke tosses him to the outside, then into th table. Drokick from Miz sends Zeke away. AJ rolls up the leg into a Calf Crusher!

Ciampa runs in to stop the pin. He attacks AJ, mauling him, and we get a ref stoppage via DQ.

Winners: AJ Styles and Ezekiel
The commercial kind of gutted this, but if there’s one observation, it’s that they very quickly made Ciampa just another dude, and that’s unfortunate.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 11:30

Phenomenal Forearm from AJ lands solely on Ciampa as Miz runs up the ramp.

Riddle rolls up on Bobby Lashley and greets his former title. Lashley is going to make Theory pay. Riddle tells him not to sweat it, he’ll retain the title come Summerslam. Riddle offers Lashley a Stranger Things viewing party. He’s afraid of Vecna, but with Lashley, maybe he wont be. Lashley says he’s already seen it and says he’ll see Riddle later.

Match 4: Alexa Bliss and Asuka vs Nikki A.S.H. and Piper Niven

Nikki and Asuka to start. They scream at each other. Asuka knocks Nikki down and tags in Alexa. Bliss rolls up Nikki for 1. Gets a cradle for 1..NO! Crucifix for 1..NO!!! Nikki with an attack the gut. She slams Bliss odown. Blind tag from Piper. Bliss with a right hand. Knee to Nikki’s face! She hits knees, goes for a moonsault, but in comes Piper to truck Bliss down hard. Right hand. Piper gets a tag then body slams Bliss down. Snapmare from Nikki. Cover for 1.2.NO!! Another snapmare from Nikki. Straight jacket submission from behind, into a chinlock. Nikki is aggressive as fuck while Asuka cheers fo ratag. Bliss turns into the hold, gets whipped to the corner. She escapes, both women with aclothelsine! Tag to Asuka. Tag to Piper. Asuka strikes gets a bunch of offense, codebreaker, whip is stopped. Asuka turns onto the 2nd rope, hits a dropkick, and Piper is own. Tag to Nikki, she dives off into a kick. Asuka with some kicks to the chest. She hits the ropes with a hip attack to Piper. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Nikki shoots Asuka to the outside, Piper tries for a senton, but Asuka moves out of the way!

In the ring, Bliss hits a DDT to Nikki, covers for 1..2..3!!!

Winner: Alexa Bliss and Asuka
I mean, it wasn’t bad, just seems rather pointless.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 4:09

Asuka and Alexa celebrate as we switch gears to The Street Profits and their controversial ending at MitB.

The Usos are live, and they are lit.

They speak about sounding like a broken record, then proceed to sound like a. broken record. They say they’d be crying too if they got pinned by The usos. Same thing is gonna happen at Summerslam. As long as the special guest ref can count to three, they’re going to get another one.

The Street Profits music cuts them off, and out they come. They didn’t know The Usos were scared. They hit em with all they had, and Ford’s shoulder was still up. There will be no mistake about it, Ford is serious, at Summerslam, they’re taking the titles and they know why. They up and they want the smoke.

R-Truth, of all people, interrupt.

Truth is out with a certificate, and wants to tell us what’s up. It aint got to be like this. Calm down everyone. They’re in the city of Brotherly Love, San Antonio. Truth is a certified as a tag team counselor. So can we all just get along?

Truth in the middle of the ring, Jey tells Truth that he’s been around the family for a while, but he needs to get out of the ring. They’re trying to handle business.

Montez says unless Truth has a ref shirt, he can leave. Truth pulls out another certificate, says he is a certified referee. He hands the certificate to The Street Profits then removes his shirt to show the ref shirt.

Truth tells them he is just auditioning, he wants to be the ref for Summerslam and even gives them a three count to show how good he is. He calls out some charges. If one of them gets tossed out, he’s going to count em out. Truth starts counting, Usos are trying hard not to crack. Jimmy tells Truth to take that damned shirt off and take his clown ass to the back where he belongs.

Truth: “Oh, I’m a clown ass. He called me a clown ass, y’all.”

Lol. Truth asks if they wanna fight this clown ass. Do we wanna see this clown ass fight? Truth tells Montez to hold his mic, then tries to take off his ref shirt. He struggles a bit, then is able to. He says he’ll fight both The Usos…but with his parnters.

Here comes…ol big head, Omos.

MVP thinks OMos should be the guest referee. Truth says Omos cant even count to ten. MVP says neither can he. Omos had a better idea, though. Allow him to be a part of this match tonight.

Truth wants us to remember The Alamo, then attacks!!! Omos grabs Street Profits and tosses them into Superkicks from The Usos. Big Boot to R-Truth. Usos and Omos circle Truth and stand tall.

So is there a match…?

There is…

Match 5: The Street Profits and R-Truth vs The Usos and Omos

Ford and Montez double team to take down Omos, who tags in Jey. Ford works the arm, Truth gets a tag. He hits a right, another. Truth works the left arm, but Jimmy gets a tag and tags in Omos. Jimmy holds Truth, Omos with a chop to Truth. Jimmy with a tag, locks up from behind, kik to the gut, headbutt. Truth reaches for a tag, Jimmy stomps the hand. Truth backs up into the heel corner .Tag to Jey. Jey enters, tags in Omos. Both Usos hold up Truth, he back flisp, in come The Profits. Double dropkick to The usos! Truth with one for Omos. He doesn’t go down. The Profits and Truth hit a trio of Superkicks to Omos! The Street Profits fly over the top rope onto The Usos! Truth tries to do the same to Omos, but Omos catches him, drops him on the apron, then hits a big standing splash.

We come back and OMos is tossing Truth across the ring like nothing. He’s dripping sweat, as he growls for hard cam. Omos grabs Truth and holds him for a kick from Jey, who is now the legal man. Jey lifts Truth, misses a ight. Trith with a kick to the back of the head. Tag to Ford! Crossbody! He clips Omos one time, clothesline to Jey, Jey ducks under, locks up, Ford flips out of it, kick, high kick, hits the ropes, standing BLOCKBUSTER!!! STANDING MOONSAULT!! COVER! 1..2….NO!!! Dawkisn holds the foot of Omos, GOOZLE TO FORD! Ford with a high kick! Omos drops down ,grabs Dawkins! Ford leaves the ring and both of thme shove Omos into the ringpost! High kick from Ford to Jimmy Uso! Tag to Dawkins! He heads to the top rope! Back elbow to Jimmy and a cover for 1..2…NO!!! Jey breaks it up! Jey shots Ford up and hits a cutter! Truth in! He lifts Jey! Protobomb! YOU CANT SEE ME!!!! Truth hits the ropes, there’s Omos to stop him! He sends Truth into the steps hard. Dawkisn lifts Jimmy, Jimmy with an Enziguri!

Dawkins still standing, spinning clothesline! High kick in the corner. Tag form Omos! SPINEBUSTER FROM DAWKINS!!!!! TREE SLAM FROM OMOS!!! Cover for 1..2…..3!!!

Winner: The Usos and Omos
They packed a hell of a lot in a little and this has got to be the longest match R-Truth has had in YEARS! Not really sure why they made Dawkins take the pin when Truth was right there, but there it is.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: Stopwatch issues

Seth is backstage with Kevin, who asks how he feels. Seth feels great because it’s Monday Night, and it’s the main event. Seth brings up Riddle, says Orton just felt sorry for him.

Logan Paul tells us all that he’ll be coming to RAW next week.

Lashley is here to flex on us like the big beefy man meat model he is.

Match 6: Bobby Lashley and Matt Riddle vs Seth Rollins and Austin Theory
Riddle and Theory to start. Theory attacks Riddle in the corner with a bunch of right hands. He lifts Riddle, hits a hard right, locks the head and tags in Seth. Seth with a kick. He hits a right to Riddle, drops a knee on the forehead, then locks the head and tags in Riddle again. Riddle with a right hand. A few uppercuts to Riddle. Theory flexes in the face of Lashley, then turns back to Riddle. Whip, Riddle hops over Theory and kicks him over and over in the corner. Riddle deadlifts Theory, hits a running forearm, tag to Lashley. Lashley hits the ropes and attacks wit a shoulder. He runs into a boto in the corner, Seth with a blind tag, in he comes, Lashley locks up Theory, grabs the incoming Seth, and slams them both down. Cover for 1..2.NO!!!! Tag to Riddle, and Lashley helps flip Riddle onto Seth. Cover for 1..NO!!!! Lashley lifts Seth for a suplex, Seth escsapes, holds the ropes, and Lashley stumbles to the outsisde. Seth with a suicide dive, Lashley stuffs him, gets him to the shoulders, here comes Theory, but Riddle kiks him in the chest and Lashley sends Seth into the ringpost face fist.

The music of Dolph Ziggler hits, and he comes out with in a suit and a ponytail.

We are back after the break, and Seth and Riddle are in the middle of the ring as commentary mentions Ziggler simply watching the match. Riddle locks in a sleeper, Rollins transitions into a front suplex, then locks the head. Riddle escsapes, hits a kick, ta to Theory, who rolls in for the dropkick but Riddle catches him midair and lcoks in a Bromission! Theory hops in the air and falls back on Riddle, breaking the hold. Tag to Rollins. Tag to Lashley. Clothesline! Another! Body slam from Lashley! He kicks Teory on he outside, hits a shoulder to Rollins, neckbreaker! Lashley waits, locks the hips, lifts Rollins up, he slides down, high kick to the side of the head. Rollins with a forearm, whip ,reverse, Rollins hops up, Lashley catches him. POWERSLAM! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Theory there to break it up! Lashley grabs the ankle, Theory with a right hand, hits the ropes, chokeslam to Theory! Seth clips the chin, turns Lashley around, forearm to the back of the neck. Seth to the top rope! He dives off with a frog splash to Lashley! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Tag to Riddle. To Theory! Powerslam to Theory!! Rope-assisted DDT! Riddle is hearing the voices! He waits, Theory rolls outside with the help of Seth. LASHLEY SPEARS SETH THROUGH THE BARRICADE!! Theory just escaped it! Riddle pulls him up, Theory grabs the arm, hangs him up, goes for A-Town, Riddle slinks away, goes for an RKO, Theory rolls him up, feet on the ropes!

Ref counts! 1..2..NO!!! Dolph moves the feet of Theory off the ropes! Theory is pissed. RKO!!! Cover! 1..2….3!!

Winner: Matt Riddle and Bobby Lashley
A really good match that teased the possibility of Riddle and Theory being a pretty damned amazing match. Good shit.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 13:48

After the match, Dolph Ziggler enters the ring and hits a Superkick to Theory, knoking him out cold.

End Show

7.0

The final score: review Good

The 411

Tonight’s show had a bit of a lull for me in terms of entertainment, but it wasn’t a BAD episode. They had a lot of action in the ring, which was pretty surprising all thins considered. I’d argue that some of the endings took out a lot of the oomph of some matches. For instance, I don’t think anyone anticipated the amount of time Carmella got, and their plan may have worked had the ending not gone the way it did. Similarly, I’d put money on tonight being the longest match R-Truth has been involved in for years, and assumed he was there to take the fall, yet didn’t. The main event was as expected, but Dolph showing up was anything but, and just like any other time the guy shows up, it’s a murmur, not a roar.