Acero’s WWE Raw Review 7.4.22

EVERYONE! I implore you to both check out my interview with Comic Book Author John Lees BY CLICKING HERE, AND Purchase his comic book The Crimson Cage BY CLICKING HERE!!!! It’s FULL of wrestling awesomeness! And Acero Approved!

It’s Monday…you know what that means.

Wish I could say a Happy Fourth, but fuck that noise. Let’s watch us some mediocre wrestling!

Yo, Kevin Patrick is behind the booth! How wild! Let’s see how he does!

We start the American Holiday with the US Champion, who is in action later tonight with The Street Profits against Alpha Academy and Austin Theory.

Lashley welcomes us to RAW to some nice Bobby chants.

He is proud to be our champion. He says it is the man that makes the title. He says there is no man in any division or promotion that can beat him for the US Title.

Theory is out and wonders why Lashley gets to kick off RAW. Everybody has been on the edge of their seat since Saturday just waiting to hear from him. He is the YOUNGEST Mr. MitB in history. He covers the match, saying he had the odds stacked against him. He made it happen, though, and he must admit, Lashley did have him in the first half. Just like Jordan, though, and Brady, hell both of them combined, he shone better than ever in the clutch.

Lashley calls this display of arrogance second nature to Theory. He didn’t deserve the spot he got.

Theory says at Summerslam, he gets a rematch against Lashley, and will take back the US Title. This is just the start of his Summerslam plans, because Brock vs Reigns is there in a Last Man Standing match, so whoever is the last man standing is going A-Town down.
Lashley tells him there is a big ol IF in the way, and that’s IF you make it to Summerslam.

Theory with a cheapshot, and he attacks with his briefcase in the corner. Thoery holds it up high, waits for Lashley to stand, Lashley grabs th case, back elbow, CHOKESLAM TO THEORY! Theory hightails it out and it appears that the tried and true WWE method of winning briefcase=jobber status continues.

Backstage, Dom and Rey are readying themselves. Dom says there is no one in this business that he would rather learn from than Rey. They are the first father/son duo to become champions, so they must be doing something right. As far as tonight, it’s been 10 years since Rey has been home in San Diego, and this is Dom’s first match ever. Just because it’s their house, they’re going to teach The Judgment Day how to respect Los Mysterios and the 619.

The lights go out and Judgment Day music hits, but they show up from behind to attack Mysterios and send them out of the ring as we go to break.

Match 1: Rey and Dominik Mysterio vs Damien Priest and Finn Balor

We come to the match in progress. Priest with a right hand to Dom, Dom holds the ropes, hits a back elbow, ducks under and shoots Priest away, then hits a dropkick. Priest stumbles, but doesn’t fall. Priest rushes Dom again, and Dom holds the ropes Tag to Rey, Rey with a seated senton off the apron. Rey rolls priest into the ring, Finn tries to attack, boot from Rey, springboard, and Damien hits a right hand. Tag to Finn. Rey hits a high enziguri, tag to Dom, crossbody, right to Priest, whip to the ropes, Finn misses a back hand, dorp toe hold! Priest with a blind tag, Dom goes for 619, but Priest catches him and tosses him into the barricade! Ouch.

We are back and Dom is reaching for a tag, gets it. So does Finn. Rey ducks under Priest, dropkick to the knee, another, a kick to the back of the leg, whip is stopped, Priest sends him into the corner, Rey shoots up, priest catches him, Rey with a sloppy DDT and a cover for 1..2..NO!!! Rey with a high kick! He dives off the top with a seated senton, Balor stops the pin at 2! Superkick from Dom to Finn! Dom eats a kick out of the corner from Priest. Priest ot the top rope, Dom shoots Rey to the high top, Rey with a rana to priest off the top rope! Cover for 1..2.NO!!!! Rey hits the ropers, but priest is up with a kick! He high kicks Dom off the apron! Finn to the top rope, tries for the finish. Drop toe hold from Rey, in comes Priest, dropkick from Dom into a drop toe hold! Double 619!!!! Rey to the top ! FROGPSPLASH BUT FINN GOT THE KNEES UP!!! Cradle from Finn! 1..2….NO!!! Dom has a chair! Finn grabs it! Rey grabs the chair from him, pretends he got hit with it, and lays down!

The ref turns, sees the “damage,” and calls for the end of the match via DQ.

Winners: The Mysterios
I’m sorry, I’ve NEVER felt this way about Rey, and I don’t put much blame on him for this, but the ending of this was just stupid. The entire idea of going out in front of your hometown to “show them some respect” only to cheat to win in an homage to Eddie in your hometown just rings incredibly hollow, especially because it seems the sole reason was simply because you didn’t want to give an L to either of these teams.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 9:05

That Logan dude signed a contract over the weekend, and apparently he did so that he can beat The Miz’s ass at Summerslam.

The Miz is at the arena, being asked by some girl named Megan what his reaction is. Miz says he is proud. Why? He loves confidence. Wild and outlandish statements. And that’s what Paul does. It’s how he’s built his massive fanbase. However, he surrounds himself with yes men. Miz tells him to retract his statement and accept his offer. They could be tag team champions. If he doesn’t accept, then he will be humbled.

Last week is brought up, and Miz says he had two matches last week. Megan attempts to bring up his balls, but Miz stops her to say that he has American super-sized balls.

Earlier today, there was a little BBQ shindig. Gable and Otis have an annotated version of the Declaration of Independence they’d like to read to The Street Profits. Ford reads it inccorectly, saying we have the right to shut Gable up. Ford then slaps him with a “glizzy.” Otis tells them he can eat 20 of those dogs without breaking a sweat. Dawkins says he is a three time hot dog eating champion outta Ohio. Otis says he can suck them down like coca cola. Messier the better.

Ford has an idea. A hot-dog eating contest. Nice to know The Profits are taking Saturday’s losses seriously.

Backstage, Priest and Finn attack Dom and Rey. Agents come to break it up. Priest squeezes Rey’s head. Priest ays this is not his pueblo, it’s his ranch. Alright…

AJ is already in the ring. How quaint.

Match 2: The Miz vs AJ Styles

Miz corners AJ to start as the crowd tries to get a dueling chant going. It peters out quicky just as AJ rols Miz up for a 1…then hits a dropkick to the face. AJ with a clothesline, sends Miz over the top rope. AJ flies over the top rope onto Miz on the outside.

We come back and AJ is in full control. He hits a clothesline in the corner, gets a firemans, hits a sick ass neck to knee move and a cover for 1..2..NO!!! Aj rolls Miz out of the corner, Miz rolls through, hits a DDT! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!!

Miz shoots AJ to the apron, AJ WITH THE PHENOMENAL FOREARM! Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: AJ Styles
Well, that was certainly a match…
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 6:11

CIAMPA ATTACKS FROM BEHIND!

Patrick: “It’s always Ciampa!” lol.

He sends AJ into the ringpost back first, waits for AJ to rise, removes his knee pad, AJ turns, gets to his knees, AJ side steps, enziguri to Ciampa! PELE KICK! AJ locks the head! He calls for Styles Clash, but here is The Miz to lock the arms and hit a Skull Crushing Finale!

A Liv Morgan video package is next, covering a bulk of her MitB win. After the video, Liv makes her entrance, holding the title high in the air, and smiling from ear to ear.

YOU DESERVE IT chant for Liv, but she says WE deserve it! She is so proud to be standin here as the new champion. She outclimbed six of the greatest in the hardest battle of her life, and what got her through it was all of us. We have stayed with her on this journey every step of the way. We believed in her when she felt at times when we gave her nothing to believe in. She is so happy she jumps up and down, then says we gave her confidence she needed to win MitB and cash in to be the champion.

She hopes we understand that this title isn’t just for her; it’s for all of us.

NATALYA’s music hits to put some holes in the sails of this cute ship.

She says she is the only reason why Liv was able to cash in. She destroyed Ronda’s knee. She deserves a thank you, but she’ll take a title shot instead.

Liv says since she is the new champion, it makes complete sense that Nattie would come out the giant target on her back, but since they will be sharing a locker room on Smackdown, if she wants a shot, she knows where to find Liv.

Carmella seems to be interested as well.

Oh, so Smackdown is the loser’s bracket….got it.

Carmella tells them to take their “blue brand butts” over to Smackdown. MElla is shocked that they can even share a ring right now, because if she was Nattie, she’d smack her down just like she did to Bianca.

She tells both girls to leave the spotlight to the next RAW Women’s Champion, Carmella.

Liv wonders if she had enough of the spotlight when she lost to Bianca. If Mella really wants her out this ring, then make her get out.

Mella has a good idea. She then wonders if Nattie is thinking what she is thinking.

Lol. Man this is bad…

They attack liv in the corner, but here comes Bianca for the save! She beats down Mella in the corner, hitting some shoulders. Nattie attacks Liv in the corner, but Liv kicks, sends Nattie outside, Mella is sent outside.

Here comes Pearce to make the obvious call.

Match 3: Bianca Belair and Liv Morgan vs Natalya and Carmella

We come back to RAW with Natalya and Bianca in the ring, then go to PIP with a Gieco commercial? Lol. Ok…

Bianca and Mella now, and Bianca kips uplookin all kinds of fine. She tags in Liv, invites her in, and whips her into Mella, booty first. Liv covers for 1..2.NO!!! Liv with a back elbow in the corner, Nattie is able to drop her down hard then run up her back and back kick Liv in the face. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Liv whips Nattie, Nat reverses and Liv hits the ropes chest first. Cover from Nattie. 1…2.NO!!! Nattie beats her down, Liv reaches for a tag, slides down the back of Nattie, Nattie turns it into a Sharpshooter attempt, gets it locked in, but Liv is close to a tag! She reaches and reaches, and Bianca uses her hair to pull Liv in the corner and get a tag.

Bianca hops over th top roep, hits a tackle, a high dropkick. Bianca tries for a powerbomb, but Nattie hits a rana. Bianca stands, kicks, tries for a suplex, Mella interrupts, Nattie sets up for sharpshooter, tag from Mella. Bianca locks up, delays for a suplex, hits it, Nattie rolls out of the ring. Bianca pulls at her for a pin, but Mella kicks Bianca into the ringpost!

We are back from a break, and Liv hits a high knee in the corner. She sends Nattie to the center of the ring, Nattie dodges a move, drops Liv down for a cover, but in comes Bianca to stop her! Mella sends her out of the ring. She flies into the arms, Bianca catches her, looks to give some damage, but Mella shoves her into the ringpost! Liv knocks Mella off the apron, Natlaya rolls her up 1..2..NO!!!!

Natalya tries for a sharpshooter, Liv reverses, gets her against the ropes. ObLIVion! Cover for 1..2..3!!!

Winners: Bianca Belair and Liv Morgan
A cute showcase for Liv and Bianca, even if it ultimately meant very little.
Total Rating: *1/2
Match Time: 9:51

Nattie goes to check on Carmella. You know, the girl that told her to go back to her own brand a few minutes ago.

Back to the BBQ where Veer eats until he is interrupted. We pan over to MVP and Omos talking strategy. The 24/7 goons walk by. Reggie runs into Omos, so Omos tosses him like he’s Jazz.

We pan over to Zeke with a hot dog, talking to Street Profits. He says when he was younger, his three brothers would have a pie eating contest where no one won. They all barfed.

Zeke tries to put ketchup on his hot dog, but he’s got really bad aim, and accidentally squirts all over Seth’s mesh top. Zeke tries to clean him up by using the bun and rubbing it on Seth’s face.

Yes, none of the above was made up.

Seth laughs maniacally, covered in ketchup. Patrick Bateman, he is not. Seth tastes the ketchup and walks away.

The creepy vignette from Saturday plays again, and we get no new information about it.

Match 4: Seth Rollins vs Ezekiel

Seth is angry. He gets Zeke in the corner, whips him out, it’s reversed and Zeke shoots eth into the corner hard. Seth backs up into a German. Seth rolls to the outside. Zeke follows, but Seth rolls into the ring and is able to lift and drop zeke onto the top rope. Neckbreaker and a cover for 1..2..NO!!! Seth turns Zeke, hits a right. Another. Chop to the chest. Whip to the corner, Zeke hops onto the shoulders with his legs, mule kick sends Seth flying. Zeke corners Seth, hits some rights and lefts. Whip to Seth, huge press upwards and Seth falls to the mat. Chop to Seth, then Zeke presses Seth up in the air. Seth lands on his feet, shoves Seth to the outside. Zeke follows, Seth kicks outside of the ring. Another gorilla press, and Seth is dropped into the timekeepers area!

Back, and Zeke hits a splash to the back of Seth! He tries to hit another fron splash, but Seth catches him and drops him into the buckle. To the 2nd rope, Seth flies. HIGH KNEE FROM ZEKE! Cover for 1..2.NO!!!! Spinning neckbreaker from Zeke! Another cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Zeke to the top rope! Rollins is up to crotch him! Seth with a right hand! Zeke shoves Rollins off, Rollins runs up! Locks the head! SUPERPL—NO!!! Zeke fights back, hits a riht, another, then stands gets Seth on his shoulders! Zeke spins him into a powerbomb and a cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Zeke lifts Seth, Seth kicks, right hand to the face. Right from Zeke. One from Seth. They trade a few more, with Seth trying to end it with a headbutt, but Zeke ducks and rolls him up for 1..2.NO!!! Inside radle! 1..2….NO!!!

Seth with a right hand! Bakslide from Zeke for 1..2..NO!!! STOMP FROM SETH FOR 1…2…3!!!!

Winner: Seth Rollins
This was surprisingly competitive, with Zeke getting a LARGE amount of offense, and looking really good while doing it. Thoroughly impressed at the time given and the layout of this match that started with a squirt of ketchup.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 10:13

Seth is happy about his win, but unsatisfied with Zeke’s pain, so he re-enters the ring and goes to stomp him again only for

RIDDLE TO HIT AN RKO OUTTA NOWHERE!!!

Sick swim trunks, Riddle!

We head to the party, where Otis and Dawkins are goin at it with hot dogs. A Fake Scoreboard comes up where Akira Tozawa is shown to have eaten 48 hot dogs. Gable wants a recount. Otis says he doesn’t feel good. In comes Theory, with the briefcase, says tonight they have a six man, don’t forget.

…

Match 5: Bobby Lashley and The Street Profits vs Austin Theory and The Alpha Academy

This match took like twenty minutes to start. Lol.

Anyway, Austin and Dawkins are first in the ring. Theory drops Dawkins with a tackle and flexes on him. Waist lock, back elbow from Theory, right hand to the face in the corner. Whip to Theory. Dawkins with a spinning clothesline then a kick to the face. Cover for 1…NO!!! Dawkisn locks the head and backs into the corner for a tag to Otis. Otis with a right hand, another, another and a short clothesline. Tag to Gable. Gable in to attack the leg with a Dragon Screw. Another drops Dakwins down hard. He pulls back on the leg, hyper extending the knee. Dawkins up, hits a right, another right, reaches for a tag, Gable stops him, shoves to the ropes, Ankle Lock attempt, Dawkins escpes and tags in Ford. Ford with a right then a rossbody of the top. He hits the ropes. Clothesline!!!! Standing moonsault and a coer for 1..2…NO!!! Otis in, gets sent over the top rope, Lashley with a Flatliner! Ford grabs Gable! Lashley with Theory! They hit stereo suplexes!!!! Dawkins hits the ropes then flies over the top rope to the outside on Gable and Co!

Lashley looks like he’s having a blast.

We are back and Lashley gets tagged in, forcing Theory to tag in Gable. Ashleyy with a belly to belly, another, he rushes the corner, gets hit with a bak elbow, but hits a raised Flatliner. Lashley clubs Otis.

On the outside, Dawkins rushes Theory and hits a huge pounce, sending him over the announce table!

In the ring, Otis is showing stomach pains. He hits a back elbow to Dawkins, but Lashley hits a SPEAR!!! FROG SPLASH FROM FORD!!!! Gable with a waist lock, rolls through, hits a German. Otis rolls out of the ring. Lashely misses a clothesline and Gable hits a t-bone suplex. Gable ot the top rope! Moonsault onto Lashley! Cover for 1..2.NO!!!

Gable locks up from behind, Lashley shoots him off, SPEAR!!!! Cover for 1..2….3!!!

Winners: Bobby Lashley and The Street Profits
Lashley showed more personality in this one match than his entire career. I speak in hyperbole, but he truly looked like he was having a blast. A good match and a highlight of the show.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 10:14

After the match, we see Otis and Gable in the ring. Otis shows some struggle, then pukes.

This had no bearing on the match, had no reason to happen, and had no redeemable quality.

Backstage, Becky is with Megan. No one gives a damn about Otis, says Becky. Megan wonders what Becky is upset about. Becky says she is mad as hell and her body is broken to bits. Everything has gone wrong since Asuka has returned. She shouldn’t have had a triple threat, but she did. She didn’t have to fight into the MitB match, but she did. She is a fighter. Asuka can try and ruin her life but tonight is No Holds Barred. She is ready for Asuka, but Asuka is not ready for her.

We head back to the ring for a Fourth of July celebration, and out comes R-Truth as Uncle Sam.

We come back from break to another replay of the puking, then a Great American Bash advertisement, THEN we head to Truth in the ring.

Truth starts a USA chant, then Whats the crowd. Ha! Take that!

He then introduces himself. He is the one, the only, Uncle Sam.

Today is his favorite holiday. Today, we celebrate our independence. As we all know, from the movie Independence Day, today we are here to honor the brave American heroes who saved the earth from the alien invasion back in 1996. Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum, and Vivica A. Fox. He has a passage from The Constitution.

“Welcome to Earth”

We see Kaiser on the screen. If Truth is done with this ridiculous charade, his name is Ludwig, and he is here to introduce us to a man worthy of celebration. Stand and pay respect to our Intercontinental Champion, Gunther.

Here is Gunther, in all red, making his way down to the ring to destroy America.

There’s a ref here, and I guess we are getting a match. Lol. They don’t even try…

Match 6: Gunther vs Uncle Sam

Gunther with a huge boot to the jaw. Kick. Powerbomb.

America has fallen to Russia.

Winner: U.S.S.R.

Total Rating: NR
Match Time: NR

Bliss is backstage, says she doesn’t have friends here. She is happy for Liv.

Asuka comes up to talk some shit. She says she will beat Becky tonight and become the next champion. She then dances a little, and walks away.

Becky is out first, and she goes straight for a table, setting it up outside of the ring.

Match 7: No Holds Barred Match
Becky Lynch vs Asuka

Damn, Asuka just tosses a chair at Becky and covers for 1…NO!!! Asuka leaves the ring and grabs another chair. Becky kicks her as she re-enters Becky sets a chair up in the corner. Well…she tries to. Asuka tries to attack, back fist from Asuka. Asuka sets the chari up for seating, tries to drop toe hold Becky into it. Becky’s chair fucked up so she fies it. Asuka grabs her, triesfor a suplex. Whip from Becky, Becky hops over the chair, turns, Asuka hops onto the chair, flies off with a dropkick, then a bulldog to Becky into the chair. Asuka to the apron where Becky is. She tries to German her onto a pile of chairs below. She turns, grabs the legs, Becky with a leg drop across her neck! Suplex onto a pile of chairs! Becky removes the cover of the announce table, then smacks ASuka with a chair across the back. Asuka shoves one in her stomach. Asuka with a hip attack, but Becky holds the chair up, and both girls go through the barricade!

We are back and looks like we just missed Asuka hitting a SUperplex onto a pile of chairs that is now IN THE RING! Asuka grabs a trash can and puts it on Becky, then dances a bit before kicking the side of it. Another kick, another, she slamps it a few times, back fist to the trash can. Asuka to the top rope. Becky stands. DROPKICK TO THE TRASH CAN! Cover! 1..2….NO!!! Asuka starts a tables chant. She leaves the ring to grab herself a table. Nevermind the one already set up. Becky leaves the ring, sends Asuka into the steps, and grabs the table, sending it into the ring. She tosses the trash can out of the ring and sets the table up. Asuka enters the ring and attacks Becky from behind. Becky drops her, and sets up the table. Asuak tries for The Asuka Lock ,Becky corners her, to the apron goes Becky. Asuka with a right, follows, sends Becky back in the ring. Asuka goes under the ring, looking for something.

Asuka stands up from under the apron, and she has an…..umbrella? Ok…

Asuka closes the umbrealla, hits Becky with it, kicks, Becky steals the umbrella, Asuka tries with the mist, but Becky opens the umbrella. Asuka kicks, cover for 1..2.NO!!! She puts Becky on the table and goes ot the top rope.

Becky escapes, hits a right, gets Asuka on her shoulders, then punches her, with back to the table. MANHANDLE SLAM THROUGH THE TABLE! Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Becky Lynch
That umbrella spot was so contrived, and although it didn’t really hurt the quality of the match, it just went to highlight how deep they are digging for a feud that has fizzled so damned fast.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 11:47

Becky celebrates by screamin she is bck over and over.

End Show

5.5

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

In what seems like mostly a trend on PPVs, tonight's episode Raw excelled in the wrestlers doing what they do best; wrestle, and the writers do what they do worst; write. The show itself was plodding, horribly paced, slow, and uninteresting, while the wrestling, even if below average (Rey/Dom v Priest/Finn) at least showed they knew what they were doing. Even the main event had no real weight to it due possibly to us seeing these two girls in each others faces quite a bit over the past few weeks. They made some odd choices, such as giving Zeke vs Seth quite a bit of time. Not a complaint either, because Zeke showed up and did some quality work, proving they may very well see something with him. Conversely, we see Theory (who I actually do NOT think is undeserving of the push) fall into the trap of the Money in the Bank briefcase, where they think he can suffer loss and humiliation simply because he has the briefcase, possibly negating his potential big win in the future. A very boring episode, on a very hollow holiday.