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CHIKARA Review: Man Makes Plans, And God Laughs

October 25, 2009 | Posted by Kevin Ford
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CHIKARA Review: Man Makes Plans, And God Laughs  

West Springfield, MA – 9.12.2009

After 10 months, CHIKARA makes its glorious return to the New England area! Tonight is “Man Makes Plans, and God Laughs”, and it’s funny that with this show title being made far in advance that it would actually hold true. First off, Gran Akuma injured himself changing around two matches. First was the main event, which will now be The Osirian Portal in a non-title match against F.I.S.T. members Icarus and Chuck Taylor. Chuck was supposed to be in a six man tag match, so now his spot is open to a wildcard. Other than that, the rest of the card is set, so let’s get to it!

Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush, Louden Noxious, Leonard F. Chikarason, Bryce Remsburg, and Ultramantis Black (with a special guest appearance by Chuck Taylor).

Frightmare vs. Brendan Michael Thomas

This is a rematch from the Young Lions Cup tournament in which BMT upset Frightmare in the first round. Frightmare immediately tries a step-up Frankensteiner. BMT pushes him off and BMT kicks Frightmare in the face. BMT lays in a chop and lands a suplex while trash talking Frightmare. Frightmare gives BMT a flurry of punches to the chest, but BMT kicks him off. BMT snapmares Frightmare before delivering a hardkick to the small of Frightmare’s back. BMT stomps Frightmare on the shoulder blades and elbows Frightmare in the crown of the head. Frightmare gets booted in the stomach. BMT continues the onslaught of offense onto poor Frightmare. Frightmare fights out of a headlock, but eats a gut buster from BMT. BMT covers Frightmare for two. Frightmare hits the ropes and takes out BMT with a clothesline and the step-up Frankensteiner. BMT elbows Frightmare, and Frightmare lands another step-up Frankensteiner. Frightmare finishes off BMT with the kneecolepsy in 3:14. Good, short opening match. Not a ton to it but it was fun. ¾*

The Colony (Fire Ant & Green Ant) vs. The Badd Boys (Brad & Chad Badd)

Tonight is the Badd Boys debut in CHIKARA. They’re Interspecies Wrestling regulars, and are also identical twins! How about that, huh? Brad and Fire Ant start. As they circle, Chad comes in and attacks Fire Ant from behind! Fire Ant hits the floor and the Badd Boys bring in Green Ant to attack. Fire Ant comes back to try the save, but the Badd Boys toss him right back out. The Badd Boys take out Green Ant with a double shoulder block. Fire Ant comes in to attack and again gets taken out. Green Ant hits an overhead chop on Chad. He goes to hit the ropes, but Brad Badd knocks him down with a hard clothesline. The Badd Boys drape Green Ant on the top rope, and Chad kicks Green Ant right in the gut. The Badd Boys keep Green Ant in the ring away from Fire Ant. Green Ant ducks a splash from Brad, headbutts Chad, and rolls to the floor to duck a clothesline. Fire Ant comes in as the legal Ant and takes it to the Badd Boys, sending Chad to the floor with a dropkick. Fire Ant wheelbarrows Brad into a prawn hold and Brad kicks out. Brad lands a forearm on Fire Ant. Chad throws Fire Ant over the top to the floor. Green Ant comes back in and takes a Manhattan Drop and a lariat from Chad Badd. The Badd Boys hit the Demolition Decapitation (now known as the Badd Decapitation) for the win in 6:14. A nice outing for the Badd Boys, using some 80’s WWF offense in the match which I of course approve of. It stinks that they can’t be the true Badd Boys in CHIKARA who talk about drinking, smoking, and biker sluts, but they’ll suffice as is. **

Steve “The Turtle” Weiner vs. Grizzly Redwood

The Turtle is wearing some trunks, which is just disturbing. Steve looks for a handshake which Grizzly doesn’t give him. Steve plays to the crowd for awhile. Steve splashes Grizzly in the corner, and then shoulder blocks him into the ropes. They get into a shoving match before Grizzly lands a punch. Grizzly whips Steve to the corner. Grizzly misses a splash, but then kicks Steve right in the groin for the disqualification in 1:51. Well that was essentially pointless, but I will say I am happy it was short. DUD

Dasher Hatfield vs. Colin Delaney

This is another Young Lions Cup rematch of sorts, as Dasher and Colin were the last two men in the six-man elimination match at Young Lions Cup VII, Night One. Dasher takes Colin down, but he hops up and they lock-up again. Colin kicks Dasher in the gut. Dasher reverses the whip. Colin ducks a swing, and Dasher rolls him up for two. Dasher winds up with a fast ball punch, and Colin stops it. Colin hits the ropes, but gets backdropped by Dasher. Dasher gets Colin the corner and comes with a pair of charging clotheslines into the corner. Colin rolls to the floor. Dasher hits the ropes and misses a baseball slide. Colin punches Dasher. Dasher comes back with a knee lift and a swinging underhand punch to the face. Colin comes back in the ring. Dasher slides between the legs and Colin stomps him on the chest. Colin suplexes Dasher before rolling up and landing another stomp. Colin kicks away and chokes Dasher on the second rope. Colin takes out Dasher with the top rope and pins him for two. Colin tosses Dasher into the corner before landing some elbows into his face. Colin slams Dasher and pins him fro two while holding the rope. Colin slams and tries for a seated lariat. Dasher gets his knees up to block and pins Colin for two. Dasher gets a clothesline and a pair of knees to the gut for his troubles. Colin vices his arms on Dasher’s head. Dasher gets up and elbows Colin. Dasher hits the ropes and gets taken down with a knee to the gut. Colin pins Dasher the way the Undertaker pins his opponent’s after the Tombstone for two. Colin lands a knee before trying the Jericho pin for two. Colin lays in some shots. Dasher stops an Irish whip attempt, but Colin steps on his foot before whipping him to the ropes. Colin hits a single leg lariat and pins Dasher for two. Colin tries a series of pins which Dasher escapes into a body scissors pin. Dasher reverses a whip into the corner, catching Colin as he tries to float over. Dasher hits a neat looking slam. Dasher blasts Colin with some forearms before a wind-up slap. Dasher hits some more maneuvers before Colin sends him to the corner. Dasher picks up Colin and slams him on his knees on the mat. Dasher takes out his leg with a baseball slide, then slides into Colin’s face. Colin evades a dropkick from Dasher and hits his seated lariat for a two count. Colin hits Dasher with the Twist of Fate. Colin goes up top, signaling for the Swanton. Dasher gets to his feet, but Colin jumps up and lands the RKO! Colin pounds the mat Orton style and sets up Orton’s kick to the head. Dasher turns it into a school boy. Colin rolls through and kicks Dasher in the head. Colin pins Dasher for two. Colin sets up Dasher for the Future Endeavor which Dasher breaks out off. Dasher picks up Colin in the corner and hits the Grand Slam for the pin in 10:24. Dasher Hatfield is the best incarnation Create-A-Wrestler has had and he’s improved greatly. Sadly, Colin was not the best opponent to play to his strengths. This wasn’t necessarily bad, and the crowd enjoyed it, but I don’t think we’ve seen Dasher at his best just yet. **1/2

The Super Smash Bros. (Player Uno & Player Dos) vs. The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple (Ultramantis Black & Delirious)

Player Dos is defending his Young Lions Cup against Player Uno tomorrow night in New Hampshire, so we’ll see if that plays a role in this match. Delirious and Dos start the match. Dos hits a triumvirate of chops to no effect. Delirious tries an attack but Dos comes back with some offense before tagging in Uno. An unscathed Delirious dives to the legs. Uno evades and gets a side headlock. Delirious hits the ropes and takes a chop from Uno. Uno delivers a flurry of clotheslines and a leg lariat. Delirious comes up with a chin breaker. Mantis tags in when Delirious rolls to the floor. Mantis comes in with shots to Uno’s back. Uno blocks Mantis’ attack and hits a neck breaker. Uno tags in Dos. The Super Smash Bros. hit a double elbow, and a moonsault/fist drop combination for two on Mantis. Dos slams Mantis and lands a leg drop fro two. Uno tags in and chops Mantis against the ropes. Uno whips Mantis to the ropes. Mantis drops down the top rope and Uno hits the floor. Dos comes in from the top with a cross body block. Dos applies a front chancery. Mantis pushes Dos into his corner and tags in Delirious. The Order hits a cool sequence of moves to change the momentum to their favor. The Order continues to double team Dos until Dos sends Mantis to the floor. Delirious comes in, and Dos turns a slam attempt into a reverse DDT. Dos looks to tag in Uno, but Mantis pulls Uno off the apron. Delirious drags Dos back his corner and lays in the boots. Dos hits a double moonsault Pele kick to the Order. Dos lands a moonsault onto Delirious and a DDT variation on Mantis. Uno gets the blind tag and drops Delirious with a twist into a Urinage. Uno and Dos hit a side slam/springboard inverted DDT combo. They pin Delirious, but Mantis breaks it up and sends Dos to the floor. The Order whip Uno the corner. Uno biels Delirious to the floor and forearms Mantis. Dos comes in and lands a plancha onto Delirious. Uno lands an inverted Urinage onto Mantis’ skull for two. Dos comes in, and Mantis kicks him away. Delirious hits the Panic Attack on Dos in the corner! Mantis drops Uno right on his head with the Praying Mantis Bomb to score the win in 9:14. This was a great finishing sequence in a match that furthered the Order’s dominance as well as the Super Smash Bros. dissension. Good stuff. **3/4

Tim Donst vs. Hydra

Another Young Lions Cup rematch. Donst beat down Hydra on Night 3 of the Young Lions Cup as Hydra defeated Donst in the first round and failed in the six man tag on Night 3. Now the team is broken up and these two are looking for revenge on one another. Donst knocks Hydra off the apron as he comes into the ring. Donst goes to the floor and punches Hydra in the face. Donst chokes Hydra on the floor. The referee breaks it up. Donst picks up Hydra and forearms him to the floor. Hydra tries to crawl away but Donst steps on Hydra’s leg. Donst slams Hydra’s face into the mat and then slams him back first multiple times into the ring post. Hydra gets slammed face first again on the ring apron. Donst lands some shots to Hydra’s head and tosses him into the ring. Donst lands a forward slam as the bell finally rings. Donst locks on a body scissors and a choke to tap out Hydra in 0:16. Donst refuses to break until finally the referee picks him off. So, this wasn’t much of a match which means I am not going to give it a rating. I mean, how can I? But the angle was effective, getting Donst over as the newest Rudo on the block. I like the new Donst thus far. He needed a change.

Chuck Taylor was supposed to be in this match, but with Gran Akuma injured and Chuck being placed in the main event instead, we are left with an open spot on the Rudos team. Therefore, as per usual, names will be drawn from a hat! Is it the recently released from TNA Angelina Love? Nope, she isn’t here. How about The Duke of Dorchester? Sadly, he is also not here. What about Daizee Haze? Daizee Haze is here, and therefore will team with The UnStable!

Mike Quackenbush and The Future Is Now (Equinox & Lince Dorado) vs. The UnStable (Vin Gerard & STIGMA) and Daizee Haze

Lince and STIGMA kick this one off. Lince tries a shoulder block takedown to no avail. He tries again and it fails once more. Lince lands a dropkick and follows up with a headscissors takedown. Vin blind tags in, and Lince takes out both members of the UnStable. Lince tags in Equinox, and they look for a double back drop. STIGMA hits the ropes, The Future dropkick his legs out, and then double dropkick him in the head. Vin comes in and tosses Equinox to the floor. Vin and STIGMA whip Lince who goes to the floor. Quackenbush jumps in, taking on the UnStable himself. Mike dives through the ropes onto Vin. Quackenbush then hits a senton onto STIGMA. Daizee Haze comes in and boots Quack. Quack puts Daizee up top and halts with the palm strike. Daizee however slaps Quack and dropkicks him off the ropes to the floor. Daizee tags in Vin, and Equinox jumps in. Equinox chops Vin in the corner. Equinox takes over Vin with a suplex for two. Equinox hits the ropes and Daizee trips him. STIGMA boots Equinox in the head, and Vin takes him over with the STF. The UnStable and Daizee cut off Equinox from his partners and continue the beat down. Equinox comes off the ropes with a knee lift and almost makes the tag, but STIGMA and Daizee knock his partners off the corner. The rudos go back to work on Equinox as they did before. Equinox sends STIGMA to the floor and blasts Vin in the face with his right hand of doom! Equinox finally tags in Quack who takes Vin in the corner with chops. Quack sends Vin to the floor after a back drop in the ring. Quack sends STIGMA to the floor, and Quack and Lince hit tandem superkicks on the UnStable who are now on the ring apron. Daizee comes in and crotches Mike on the middle rope! Equinox comes in and pulls his punch on Dziee. Daizee lands a left hand Equinox and then Lince. Mike comes in and blasts Daizee with the Palm Strike! Quackenbush looks disappointed in himself, but you got to do what you got to do. Quack picks up Daizee who whips Quack into the ropes. Quack grabs her leg and tries the Black Tornado Slam. Daizee rolls up Quack for two. Daizee lifts the top rope and Quack goes to the floor. Daziee tries a headscissors on Lince who blocks. Daizee rotates a headscissors and then lands a big Mind Trip on Lince! Equinox breaks up the count. STIGMA runs in and attacks Equinox. Equinox lands a spinebuster on STIGMA and another to Vin onto STIGMA. Lince comes in with a lynxsault onto The UnStable! The Future Is Now hit stereo Shooting Star Presses for two on the UnStable. STIGMA pushes Equinox into the corner. Vin tries to unmask Equinox, and Quack runs in with a palm strike onto. Mike stands on STIGMA’s back to superplex Vin off the top to the mat! STIGMA releases Equinox and sends Quack out. STIGMA lands the Stigmata onto Lince. Equinox hits STIGMA with a missile dropkick but his leg crumples underneath him. Vin locks on the STF and Equinox immediately taps out in 11:57. Sadly this turned out to be a legitimate injury, but this match was very fun. The crowd reaction made it better as they were hot for the entire thing. This was a great outing from both teams, which was definitely needed at this point on the show. ***

The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian) vs. F.I.S.T. (Icarus & Chuck Taylor)

This is Ophidian’s return after suffering an arm injury months back. In fact, his arm is still bandaged up. Ophidian and Chuck start for their respective tandems. Chuck pushes Ophidian to the corner and releases. Chuck takes Ophidian down with a waist lock. Ophidian sunset flips Chuck for two. Ophidian and Chuck exchange wrist locks. Ophidian takes Chuck out, and Chuck blocks a prawn pin. Ophidian locks Chuck’s leg and leans back to apply pressure. Chuck escapes and Ophidian applies a front chancery. Chuck pushes Ophidian to the corner. Chuck tosses Ophidian to the corner. Ophidian ducks over before rolling up into a headscissors take down. Chuck hits the floor tagging in Icarus. Amasis also tags in. They lock up and get on their knees to look for the advantage. Icarus gets a side headlock. Amasis dances into a headlock of his own. Icarus gets a couple advantages which Amasis dances out of. Amasis tags in Ophidian. The Portal uses some double teaming to take Icarus out. Icarus rolls to the floor, allowing Chuck Taylor to tag in. Amasis gets sent to the floor. Ophidian comes in and sends Chuck to the floor himself. Ophidian hits the ropes and Icarus dropkicks him. Ophidian lay on the ropes, and Chuck drapes Ophidian’s arms on the ropes. Icarus looks to spear Ophidian, but Amasis hops in the way and Icarus takes him out with the spear. Instead of isolating Ophidian, F.I.S.T. decide to keep Amasis in the ring and work him over. Amasis, after being sufficiently beat down, rolls out of the way of a moonsault from Chuck. Amasis goes to make the tag but Icarus dropkicks Ophidian in his arm off the apron! Amasis slams Icarus and looks for the tag again, but Ophidian is still on the floor. Icarus attacks him again. Amasis rolls out of the ring and Ophidian kicks Icarus in the side of the head. Ophidian hits a springboard cross body to come in and then a spinning heel kick to Icarus. Ophidian wheelbarrows into a face buster for two, when Chuck breaks the fall. Amasis comes off the top rope with a shoulder tackle to Chuck. Chuck hits the floor and Ophidian dives over the top onto him with a plancha. Amasis dives Icarus’ clothesline but misses the springboard shoulder tackle. Icarus lands a pump handle slam onto Amasis for two. Ophidian comes back and locks the Ophidian Death Grip onto Icarus. Icarus turns into the Pedigree which Ophidian blocks. Ophidian tries the Death Grip once again Chuck runs in and breaks it up, but Ophidian locks the Death Grip on him! Amasis rolls up Icarus and Icarus kicks out. Icarus pushes Amasis aside and breaks the Death Grip. Amasis hits Icarus with a twist-out Urinage for two. Amasis heads up top. Chuck turns a hurricanrana attempt into a powerbomb. Icarus goes up and top and F.I.S.T. hit a double stomp/Death Valley Driver combination for two. Ophidian comes off the top with the double knees to Chuck Taylor. Ophidian gets sent to the floor by Icarus. Icarus tries a Shiranui on Amasis. Amasis blocks and The Portal hit a shoulder block/chop block double team. They both pin Icarus for two. Chuck who broke up the pin gets sent back to the floor by Ophidian. They call for the Osirian Sacrament on Icarus. Chuck pulls Ophidian off the top rope and Icarus gets his knees up to block Icarus. Chuck brings Ophidian in and hits the Sole Food on Ophidian’s bad arm. Icarus lands the Blu Ray DVD on Ophidian in the corner to score the win in 15:11. This was a great tag team match with the Portal impressing in their re-debut. F.I.S.T. continues to look dominant and awesome. You have to wonder how this will play into the Portal’s title defense against The Colony tomorrow night. ***1/4

Claudio Castagnoli vs. Hallowicked

Claudio and Hallowicked work over one another’s arms to start. Hallowicked turns and arm wrench into a roll-up, but Claudio escapes and still applies the arm wringer. Hallowicked snapmares Claudio into a face clamp. Claudio breaks it and pulls Wicked forward into a sunset pin. Wicked grabs the ankle of Claudio. Claudio rolls about to try and escape, but Wicked keeps on him. Claudio rolls forward and stretches Wicked applies a stretch on Claudio’s legs. Claudio locks Wicked’s left leg around his calf while applying a single leg crab on Wicked’s right leg. Great, innovative move. Wicked escapes and applies a modified cravate on Claudio on the mat. Claudio locks his legs around Hallowicked’s waist and pulls back on his arms. Wicked rolls into a surfboard variation. Claudio rolls forward sending Wicked to the floor. Wicked comes back in and they circle one another. They lock a test of strength which Claudio twists into a straightjacket choke over his own knee. Hallowicked goes through the legs to get the straightjacket onto Claudio. They get to their feet where Hallowicked turns the straightjacket and flips Hallowicked over. Wicked tries a suplex which Claudio blocks. Claudio applies a hammerlock and brings Wicked down to the mat. The two go at it at the mat to jockey for position and it leads to Claudio getting Wicked back down to the mat with the hammerlock. Wicked and Claudio jockey for position with traditional Lucha spots. Wicked pops onto Claudio’s shoulders and arm drags him to the floor. Claudio comes back and brings Wicked down with a headlock takeover. Wicked whips Claudio to the ropes. Wicked ducks the Sweet Schwinn Music and rolls up Claudio for two. Hallowicked gets a front chancery on Claudio, and Claudio takes out his leg for a two count pin attempt. Claudio works on the arms of Hallowicked again. Wicked nips up and armdrags Claudio back to the floor. Claudio quickly comes back and takes Wicked back into the grounded position. Claudio applies a Camel Clutch. Hallowicked escapes through the legs and tries a crucifix pin. He gets it, but only gets a two count. Claudio headbutts Wicked in the side and stretches him out. Claudio digs his knuckle and elbow into Wicked’s side before stretching him out some more. Hallowicked and Claudio continue escaping and trading stretches. Back on their feet, Claudio takes over Wicked with a gut-wrench suplex for two. Claudio turns Hallowicked over into a Dragon Sleeper chin-lock. Wicked gets up to his feet and drives his shoulder into Claudio’s side. Claudio ducks the Big Boot and drops Hallowicked with a suplex for two. Claudio applies another rear chinlock, driving his knee into Wicked’s back. Wicked fights up and both men take each other with double big boots! Both men slowly get back up. Claudio blocks the boot and the Rydeen Bomb. Wicked blocks the European Uppercut and tries a backslide. Claudio reverses, Wicked ducks the Sweet Schwinn Music, and then lands the step-up enzugiri for a two count. Wicked lifts up Claudio for the Go To Sleepy Hollow. Claudio fights up and tries an Argentine Backbreaker. Wicked escapes but eats the Sweet Schwinn Music! Claudio pins for the two count. Claudio spins Hallowicked around in the Airplane Spin and slams him for another two count. Claudio sets up for the Giant Swing, and Hallowicked twists into a roll-up for two. Claudio and Wicked exchange pin attempts, each only getting the two count. Finally, Claudio does get the Gaint Swing onto Hallowicked. Claudio releases after only 5 rotations and pins him for two. Hallowicked sets up for the Ricola Bomb. Wicked picks up Claudio for Go Too Sleepy Hollow. Claudio fights down and hits the ropes. Hallowicked blasts Claudio with the Big Boot and finally hits the Go Too Sleepy Hollow! All that only gets Hallowicked the two count. Hallowicked looks for the Graveyard Smash which Claudio floats out of. Wicked however does hit the Rydeen Bomb. Wicked picks up Claudio in a front chancery. Claudio drives Hallowicked into the corner. Claudio runs at Wicked only to get the Big Boot. Claudio comes right back with the European Uppercut on Wicked. Wickedworks out of a Ricola Bomb and Claudio rolls forward with a Victory Roll to secure the victory via pinfall in 20:47. Great back and forth technical bout that you don’t get too often in CHIKARA. This felt like the kind of match Ring of Honor would have in their semi-main event, which is a compliment. The fans weren’t totally into it like they were most of the night, but I digress. Still a good match. ***1/2

The 411: The definition of average right here. I understand CHIKARA can’t hit home runs every time out, but the first half was so much nothing. Considering the strength of many of CHIKARA’s other shows from this year, I can’t recommend this completely. Again, you won’t be totally disappointed, but much better shows are out there.
Final Score:  6.0   [ Average ]  legend

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