Dunn’s Countdown to Summerslam: Summerslam ’95

Welcome to the apex of Vince’s absolute cluelessness. The steroid trial had taken his attention away from the day-to-day business of the WWF, and ratings and buyrates plummeted. The fact that things got worse when he returned should give you some idea of how in -he-dark Vince really was to the wrestling world. For some ungodly reason, even though the fans were absolutely rabid for Shawn Michaels, Vince decided to push Mabel (today’s Viscera) as the lead heel during the traditionally hot period for business between King of the Ring (which Mabel won) and Summerslam (which he’s main-eventing).

Not surprisingly, the PPVs tanked with the show just after this pulling the worst buyrate in the company’s history.

Summerslam ’95

August 27, 1995

Live from Pittsburgh, Penn.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.

Opening Match: The 1-2-3 Kid vs. Hakushi (w/Shinja).
Hakushi is Japanese journeyman Jensei Shinzaki. Sometimes he’s good, sometimes he’s not so good. It depends on how motivated he is. This match seemed significantly better in 1995 when no one knew who Low Ki or AJ Styles were. It’s not a great match, but they do some cool moves for the period. Hakushi gets the vertical splash in the corner, and if he had rocked his chickenbag on Kid’s chin he would have invented the Broncobuster. He debuts the Space Flying Tiger Drop on PPV to a big face pop. The Kid comes back with a frosplash for two, but Hakushi drops him with a Cradle Slam for the win at 9:28. Big pop for the Hakushi win. Notice how he was shipped out as he was beginning to get over. Solid opener. **1/4

A hyperactive Dok Hendrix interviews King Mabel. Nothing to report.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Bob “Spark Plug” Holly.
At this point, Helmsley was playing a blatant rip off of his former mentor, Lord Stephen Regal, instead of a degenerate or a power-hungry madman. Holly was not yet a badass but a scrawny racecar driver. Racecar is a palindrome. Hunter takes control early with a hotshot and sends Bob hard into the turnbuckle for a wicked corner bump. The tried-and-true rope-assisted abdominal stretch makes an appearance. Bob comes back with his dropkick but lowers his head for a backdrop and gets Pedigreed at 7:12. Some of it was good, but it looked like they couldn’t get out of their own way at points. *1/4

Charity stuff.

Jacob & Eli Blu (w/Uncle Zebekiah) vs. The Smoking Gunns.
The Blu Twins are now the heads of TNA security Ron & Don Harris. Vince says “you have to be a computer whiz to know which one is in the ring at one time.” How does that even…? Nevermind. Lawler makes a Windows 95 joke. Well, it *was* a pretty big deal at the time. Billy gets a Fameasser early, but the Blus isolate him. There is a small-but-vocal contingent of heel fans in the first few rows. Billy makes the hot tag to Bart, and they finish with the Sidewinder at 6:10. In a tragically funny moment, Billy Gunn reaches out to slap some fans’ hands, but everyone in the aisle leaves him hanging. *3/4

Bodydonna Skip (w/Sunny) vs. Barry Horowitz.
Skip is the late Chris Candido doing a pre-cursor to Simon Dean. Vince has tried that gimmick almost as often as the hillbilly. Horowitz was a perennial jobber dating all the way back to the late 1980s who scored a fluke victory over Skip. Skip later accidentally gave Horowitz another victory, this time over Hakushi. Horowitz also seemed to find his Hasidic roots. He cleans house on Skip from the opening bell and suplexes him to the floor. Sunny tries to stop the match, but when Referee Earl Hebner has none of it, she settles for tripping Barry from the outside. Skip hits a diving headbutt but pulls Horowitz up. That can’t be smart. Indeed, Barry hits him with a dropkick and goes up. Sunny crotches Horowitz, allowing Skip to suplex him off the top. Hakushi wanders down and springboards over everyone’s heads, distracting Skip long enough for Barry to roll him up in a small package for the win and a HUGE pop at 11:22. Fun stuff. **3/4

Dean Douglas defines “vivify” while explaining how Horowitz won the match. To show just how much Vince McMahon learns from failure, in 1995, he gave us teacher Dean Douglas, health guru Skip, and the big, lumbering Blu Twins. In 2006, he gave us teacher Matt Striker, heath guru Simon Dean, and the big, lumbering Gymini.

Shawn Michaels talks about the difficulties involved in a ladder match.

WWF Women’s Title: Alundra Blayze vs. Bertha Faye (w/Harvey Whippleman).
Bertha looks like a bigger, fatter version of Alex Borstein who voices Lois Griffin on “Family Guy.” Alundra, who was quite comely back in her WWF days, looks kind of like Martha Stewart’s younger, more athletic sister. Alundra tries some martial arts moves, but Bertha is too fat for anything to work. Seriously, that’s her offense. She just hits Alundra with her gut. Alundra yanks her down by the hair, but Harvey has the ref distracted. At least Bertha can bump well. She just walks away from a missile dropkick like Samoa Joe and finishes Alundra with a sitout powerbomb at 4:38. Not bad, all things considered. Alundra would later regain the belt and drop it in the trash on Nitro. *

Casket Match: Kama (w/Ted Dibiase) vs. The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer).
Kama (who you might know as the Godfather or Kama Mustafa) stole the urn at WrestleMania and melted it down into a necklace to set this up. Taker tosses him into the casket early, but Kama freaks out and scrambles back out. See, Kama is “the Ultimate Fighting Machine,” which should not, in any way, be confused with ultimate fighting or machinery. Dibiase gets in a few shots on the Taker on the outside, making Paul Bearer nearly blow a gasket. Kama hits a powerslam, but he’s stupid and goes for a pin. Taker clotheslines them both into the casket, but they both crawl out. Taker chokeslams Kama, Tombstones him and tosses him into the casket for the win at 16:22. This was WAY too long as Kama had to try to carry the match with his offense, and he just didn’t have the skills to do it. It just kept dragging on and on, and most horrifically, they kept teasing that it would be over, and it wasn’t over. That’s just cruel. 1/2*

Bret Hart vs. Isaac Yankem, DDS
Yankem is Glenn Jacobs, aka Diesel II, aka Kane, aka Jacob Goodnight. In this case, he’s playing Jerry Lawler’s evil dentist, hell-bent on revenge for Bret Hart humiliating Lawler. Yankem is actually pretty spry here, doing his best with what he has and looking a lot more motivated than he would over the past few years as Kane. Bret does his best to bump around, making Yankem look better than he actually was at this point. Bret locks in the Sharpshooter, prompting Lawler to help Yankem out of it and try to strangle Bret in between the ropes. That draws the DQ at 16:08. Bret was ON during this period, and Yankem was motivated. Tack on an extra 1/4* for the beatdown and call it ***1/4.

Intercontinental Title, Ladder Match: Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon.
Yes, this is, of course, the rematch to their legendary WrestleMania X ladder match that made both men big (bigger) stars. Both men are coming in as babyfaces, but even as a face, Shawn was kind of a jerk, so the crowd slightly leans toward Razor. Winner gets Sid Vicious, who was supposed to get a title shot, but they needed to pad the card, so Sid would have to wait. They avoid each other’s finishers early, and Shawn goes over the top off a corner whip. He tracks Razor down but pays for it when Razor suplexes him off the apron, and Shawn bangs his ankle on the crowd railing. Is it any wonder why this guy was the most over wrestler on the roster from 1995-1996? Razor hits a fallaway slam and goes up, but Shawn tips over the ladder. Razor pulls Shawn’s pants down as Shawn is going up, thus fulfilling Shawn’s contractual obligations to show his ass at least twice a year. Shawn takes a SICKENING bump as he gets his leg tied up in the ladder on his way down. Razor sandwiches Shawn’s leg in the ladder and starts stomping on it. Nice. Shawn has the audacity, the unmitigated GALL, to try and defend himself, so Ramon gives him a kneebreaker on the ladder. Shawn fires away with desperation punches, but Ramon locks in an Indian Deathlock. PSYCHOLOGY~! Razor goes up, but Shawn DIVES to make the save. Ramon is clearly playing the heel role here, getting Shawn even more over with the crowd at large and earning himself a small, vocal cult in the first few rows. Shawn whips Razor into the ladder and hits a moonsault bodyblock. Shawn climbs the ladder, but the splash that he hit a year earlier MISSES! They both go up the ladder, and both men get crotched on the top rope. Razor pulls out the backup ladder but decides to give Shawn the Razor’s Edge instead. They set up both ladders and go up. Ramon stretches out for the belt, so Shawn kicks him away but falls over and nearly brains himself on the other ladder. They improvise with Razor going for another Razor’s Edge and Shawn backdropping him over the top. Shawn misses ANOTHER attempt, throws a tantrum, and finally goes up to get the belt to retain at 25:05. The botched ending did hurt the impact of the match, but it shouldn’t overshadow the other 25 minutes of great wrestling. The more I watch this match, the more I prefer this to the Mania match. The psychology was better, and the storyline was tighter. Great, great match. ****3/4

Dean Douglas tries to critique Ramon’s performance, so Razor Ramon storms his classroom and knocks him on his ass with a punch. That, of course, would lead to Douglas’ departure and general bitterness.

WWF Heavyweight Title: Diesel vs. King Mabel (w/Sir Mo).
Why yes, Viscera *did* main event a PPV. Why do you ask? Diesel reverses a corner whip and hits a pair of clotheslines. Mabel is staggered, so Diesel shoulderblocks him to the floor and hits a tope! Seriously. Can I just point out the stupidity of having a man named Mabel main-eventing the second-biggest show of the year? Not a whole lot going on to recap. Lots of punching. That’s something, I guess. Having this match follow the ladder match was a big mistake because it exposed these guys as…well, sucky. Mabel hits a sideslam and squats down on Diesel’s back. Mabel knocks the ref out, and Mo runs in to help doubleteam Diesel. Lex Luger runs in to help out, but Diesel thinks he’s there to attack him because Luger and the British Bulldog are chummy, so he clotheslines him over the top. Mabel hits the legdrop on the outside, but Luger recovers and chases Mo to the back. Back in, Mabel hits a belly-to-belly for two. Diesel avoids a splash and hits a flying clothesline for the win at 9:14. This was the opposite of whatever “epic” is. 1/2*

The 411: 1995 was such a horrible year for mainstream wrestling, and this PPV was no exception. Vince refused to listen to the fans like some obnoxious uncle at a family reunion. You tell him that you don't like the mashed potatoes, but he just laughs and says, "Sure you do! Everybody likes mashed potatoes!" and heaps more onto your plate. WELL WE DON'T LIKE MASHED POTATOES, VINCE! Okay, I got a little carried away. I really like mashed potatoes. I just don't like Mabel main-eventing, and I don't like this PPV. Try to find Shawn vs. Razor II, but feel free to avoid the rest. Thumbs down for Summerslam '95.

Final Score:  4.0   [ Poor ]