Dunn’s Countdown to Survivor Series: Survivor Series 1999

Survivor Series 1999
by J.D. Dunn

November 15, 1999

Live from Detroit, Mich.

Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

Opening Match: The Godfather, D’Lo Brown (w/Hos) & The Headbangers vs. The Dudley Boyz & The Acolytes
That looks like Amy Dumas making an appearance as one of the hos, a few months before debuting as Lita. Could be wrong, though. This is the debut of D’Lo’s “pimp in training” gimmick, which killed his heat and his WWF career. The Dudleyz had just jumped from ECW a few weeks earlier, and Bubba was still doing a stuttering gimmick for some cheap heat. Bradshaw and Farooq are in the middle of transitioning from disciples of the Undertaker to beer-drinking, card-playing locker room goofs. Thrasher misses a charge and takes the Clothesline from Hell at 3:12.

Mosh comes in but doesn’t fare much better. The Dudleyz hit the 3D out of nowhere. It was so much cooler when they didn’t stand there while the victim stumbled around. They should go back to that. Mosh goes away at 4:59.

Bradshaw gets in a verbal war with the Dudz and winds up hitting everyone with chairs for the disqualification at 5:53.

Farooq and D-Von start an argument over who should get to pin D’Lo, and they brawl to the back, eliminating each other around seven minutes in.

That leaves Bubba alone with D’Lo and Godfather. Bubba kicks out of the Sky High, but D’Lo kicks out of a top-rope powerbomb. D’Lo tags the Godfather who sets up the Lo Down with the Ho Train for the win at 9:37. Survivors: D’Lo Brown & the Godfather *

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Stasiak.
Not exactly an auspicious debut for our Olympic Hero. The fans start a boring chant 20 seconds into the match as Ross notes that this is a different style than fans are used to seeing. Basically, Stasiak just shows up to get tossed around in the moves that Kurt Angle can do. I’ll let you in on a little something: a dropkick is not one of them. Angle stops to berate the crowd for booing him. Stasiak misses a crossbody, and Angle debuts the Angleslam at 5:56. It’s odd seeing a normal Angle squash being treated like it’s a whole new style. How quickly we forget that Austin and the Rock presided over what was basically an era of barfights in an arena. *

Van Venis, Mark Henry, Gangrel & Steve Blackman vs. The British Bulldog & the Mean Street Posse.
The Posse were just a trio of indy jobbers brought in to play the part of Shane McMahon’s entourage. Once Vince Russo left, they became obsolete, and I believe this is one of their last appearances. Funny moment as Pete Gas refuses to lock up with Val Venis in a fair fight, so the Bulldog tags in, gives Val one suplex, and tags back out. Blackman winds up taking out Pete with a Bicycle kick anyway at 2:57.

The MSP try some doubleteams, but they backfire. Gangrel plants Rodney with the DDT at 4:25.

Mark Henry tags in and squashes Joey Abs with a splash at 6:02.

Gangrel goes up, but the Bulldog catches him with a superplex at 6:46.

Henry and Venis swarm the Bulldog, and Van finishes with the Money Shot at 9:10. Survivors: Val Venis & Mark Henry, 3/4*

Michael Cole tries to get an interview with the Divas and winds up getting sexually harassed.

Sudden Death Match: Tori, Debra, Mae Young & Moolah vs. Jacqueline, Luna Vachon, Ivory & Terri Runnels.
New rule: the suckiness of the match is directly proportional to the amount of recycled generic music. The old broads attack Ivory in the aisle. Tori takes one of the worst DDTs in history as Lawler unloads old jokes. Moolah somehow falls on Ivory for the win at 1:54. Debra strips Terri for fun. O

X-Pac brags about carrying Kane for months and how Kane is just jealous of him because Kane’s impotent from all the burns. Of course, years later, Kane would get Lita pregnant, retconning this whole thing.

Tori offers a pre-recorded rebuttal. Um…if it’s pre-recorded, why is she responding to things he said in a live interview only a few moments earlier?

Kane vs. X-Pac.
X-Pac jumps Kane from behind and dropkicks him to the floor. Lawler gets in a funny line about Kane getting naked in front of a woman once and she said, “Oh, how sweet, you brought incense.” X-Pac hits about half a dozen spin kicks before Kane comes back with his usual and hits a chokeslam. Road Dogg runs down and pulls Kane off the pin. Kane chases him off and goes for the Tombstone, but Triple H runs in and waffles Kane with the title belt at 4:15. Tori runs down to make the save, but X-Pac “accidentally” takes her out with a spinkick. BB runs down to give Tori mouth-to-mouth. *

In the back, The Rock’s interview time is interrupted by Triple H, and there is one thing that you DO NOT DO and that’s interrupt the Rock’s interview time. They engage in a pull-apart brawl.

The Big Bossman, Albert, Mideon & Viscera vs. The Big Show
The Bossman stole the Big Show’s dad’s casket and drove it around tied to the back of his car while the Show road around on top to set this up. Show destroyed Kai-en-tai and the Blue Meanie, who were supposed to be his partners because he wanted these guys himself. Chokeslam to Mideon at 0:18. Bye, Mideon.

Chokeslam to Albert at :30. Bye, Albert.

Bodyslam and chokeslam to Viscera at :55. Bye, Viscera.

Bossman runs away and gets counted out at 1:25. Bye, Bossman. Show looks like a badass, which was the whole point, and it would come in handy later. 1/4*

Triple H tricks Steve Austin into chasing him out into the parking lot where Austin is run over by a car. Vince McMahon is so distraught that he and Triple H nearly come to blows. You know, when they did the same angle in Memphis, people were calling the police. I miss those days. The sad thing is that Test and Stephanie McMahon observe Austin being loaded into the ambulance, and it occurs to me that Test would have been the perfect choice to run over Austin (and was the prime suspect for a while). Instead, it was Rikishi, who did it for the Samoan people…or he was paid by Triple H, depending on whichever role they needed him to fill in that convoluted explanation.

Intercontinental Title: Chyna (w/Miss Kitty) vs. Chris Jericho.
Mmmm, Miss Kitty is SO hot in that mini-Chyna costume. JR sums up what we just saw by saying “Stone Cold just got flat-ass run down by a car.” Thanks. I didn’t quite grasp the gravity of the situation until you summed it up. I had the car part and the Austin part, but it just wasn’t fitting together without your explanation. Ross spends the rest of this match talking about Austin, the car, and any possible explanation for why he’d be run over. That’s fine, because then he doesn’t have to explain the story behind this match. Basically, Jeff Jarrett was the Intercontinental Champion when his contract expired. When Jarrett decided to go to WCW, he held up McMahon for a big one-time payoff for dropping the title to Chyna (his scheduled opponent). Thus, the burned bridge that led to the downfall of WCW and the birth of TNA. Well, in a roundabout way. Jericho, who was so over as a heel that he was getting cheered, objected to a “girl” wearing the Intercontinental Title. This is also allegedly the match that got Jericho buried by Triple H in later years as Hunter held a grudge against him for being so stiff with Chyna in this match. Not sure I necessarily buy that particular conspiracy theory. For his part, Jericho does sell for her just as he would for anyone else. Jericho grabs Miss Kitty and kisses her, prompting Kitty to jump on his back long enough for Chyna to recover. Back in, Jericho hits a falling powerbomb, but it only gets two. Chyna avoids the Lionsault but accidentally hits Earl Hebner on a backswing. Jericho nails her with the belt for two. Chyna comes back with a Pedigree, but it only gets two. She tries to follow up with a huracanrana, but Jericho counters to the Liontamer for a HUGE POP! Chyna struggles to the ropes. Miss Kitty gets the ref’s attention while Chyna goes low and hits the top-rope Pedigree at 13:44. Great performance by Jericho, and Chyna held her own too. ***

Shane is left in charge of the PPV, so Hunter just pops into to make sure it’s a singles match.

Hardcore Holly, Crash Holly & Too Cool vs. Edge, Christian & The Hardy Boyz (w/Terri Runnels).
Edge & Christian and The Hardy Boyz had just gone through the star-making WWF ladder match and earned each other’s respect. Too Cool had not yet hooked up with Rikishi, and thus were not babyfaces nor over. Edge wrestles at full speed here, and is much crisper than he is these days. Grandmasta Sexay gets jiggy with a powerbomb off the apron on Matt. Hardcore backdrops Jeff into a somersault plancha on the gaggle of wrestlers that accumulated on the outside. The Hollys team up for a Hart Attack on Christian. Edge tags in and hits a spear on everybody, including Matt Hardy. Whoops. Edge is so shocked that Hardcore Holly is able to sneak in and schoolboy him for the elimination at 6:07.

Matt is still out of it, so Scotty comes off the top with a DDT at 6:22.

Too Cool busts out their usual moves, but again, they’re not over, so the crowd is dead. Ross and Lawler start digging at each other to entertain themselves. Funny stuff. The heels dominate until the Hollys get into their usual argument. The ref stops to argue with Terri, allowing Christian to lowblow Too Cool. Jeff eliminates Scotty with the 450-splash at 10:13.

Silly spot as Christian and Jeff team up for Poetry in Motion, and then they try it again only with Christian three-quarters of the way across the ring so you know it’s designed to be countered. Indeed, Hardcore Holly hits a missile dropkick, setting up the Alabama Jam at 11:35.

Christian jumps Sexay with the Reverse DDT at 11:46.

That leaves Christian alone with the Hollys. Christian tosses Crash into Hardcore and finishes Crash with the Unprettier at 13:58.

Christian goes for a Victory Roll on Hardcore, but Holly stops short with a handful of tights at 14:27. The quality dropped off once Matt and Edge were eliminated. **1/2

In the back, Shane confirms that it will still be a Triple Threat, just not with Austin. And Test is standing right there with him.

WWF Tag Titles: The New Age Outlaws vs. Mankind & Al Snow (w/Head)
Lawler, who had been ripping on Ross for ignoring the matches in favor of talking about Austin, now rips on him for being callous and focusing on the matches when his best friend is in the hospital. Instead, Ross starts blasting the media for the Al Snow action figure debacle. Since this match is boring, I’ll go into that. See, Al Snow carries around a mannequin head. His action figure had a Head accessory. Parents who didn’t know any better assumed it was supposed to be a severed human head. Retail stores refused to carry it, embarrassing Al and the WWF because the real explanation was far crazier than the severed human head. Snow gets caught in the wrong corner, but I don’t care so I’ll mention another media flap in which former CNN and MSNBC commentator Margaret Carlson referred to the Rock as “an anti-gay, anti-black skinhead.” Now, I’m sure she meant Steve Austin, but that just reeks of lazy thinking. Mankind comes in and hits Road Dogg with the Shake, Jiggle & Roll. That’s disturbing. Mick kicks out of the Famasser while Snow takes out the Dogg with the Snowplow. The Outlaws go low to counter the double Mandible Claw and finish Mankind with a Spiked Piledriver at 13:59. Snow and Mick would break up, reuniting the Rock ‘n’ Sock Connection at the next PPV. *1/2

WWF Heavyweight Title, Triple Threat: Triple H vs. The Rock vs. ????
Although all signs (and logic) point to Test, the surprise entrant is The Big Show. Hunter freaks out, and the Rock doesn’t exactly have the best poker face either. Show destroys both men. Look at how quick Show is. Plus, he’s about 100 pounds lighter than he is now. Finally, they team up to clothesline Show to the floor. Lots of brawling on the floor. Back inside, Rock hits the People’s Elbow, but Triple H breaks up the pin. Show and Hunter brawl to the entrance soon to be joined by the Rock who sprints down the ramp with a clothesline like it’s an All-Japan Women’s match or something. Most of the match takes place near the entrance, as they destroy large portions of the set. Back to the ringside area, Rock and Hunter team up to suplex Show through the Spanish announce table, waking up the crowd. The ref gets bumped, and Shane McMahon runs down to replace him as everyone’s screwjob sense starts tingling. Rock gives Hunter the Rock Bottom, but Show pulls Shane to the outside before he can count. Shane refuses to let Hunter use the belt, so Hunter Pedigrees him. DX runs down to attack Rock and Show. Here comes Vince McMahon who gives Hunter a belt shot. Show finishes with the chokeslam at 16:16. Show picks up his first world title and dedicates the win to his “recently-buried” father. The match was the usual 1999 brawl only without the usual intensity and a lot of overbooking. *

The 411: Hindsight being 20/20, Test really should have figured somewhere in this angle instead of being relegated to Trish Stratus' backup. But at the time, Show was considered a can't-miss main eventer who Vince opened up his pocketbook to lure away from WCW, so he got the nod. Unless you're really, really interested in Survivor Series screwjob lore, there's nothing to see here. Thumbs down for Survivor Series '99.

Final Score:  4.5   [ Poor ]