From the Bowery: WrestleMania 2

This was a concept show in that Vince felt it would be a great idea to have WrestleMania take place in 3 different cities, in 3 different time zones, and each of them have their own Main Event. An idea so great, that it was never tried again.

WWF WrestleMania 2
April 7, 1986

The 1st portion takes place in Uniondale, NY @ the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum (home of the Islanders), and the broadcast team consists of Vince McMahon and Susan St James (70s-early 80s actress).

In a drastic improvement from Gene Okerlund the previous year, we are treated to Ray Charles’ rendition of “America The Beautiful.”

Before our first contest we are graced with an interview from Roddy Piper as he hypes his boxing match with Mr. T. Noteworthy for Piper claiming he would never paint himself black, but yet 4 years later he did the very thing in his WM VI match with Bad News Brown.

The Magnificent Muraco w/ Mr. Fuji vs. “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff

-Both men are future members of the WWE Hall of Fame, and Orndorff is in face mode at this point (the heel turn on Hogan is on the horizon). A lock-up to start as both men push and grunt a lot to try to get an advantage, but no dice. They have one more go at it, and Orndorff gets a headlock. Muraco counters and gets a slam for a 1 count. Tables are quickly turned as Orndorff gets his own slam and then makes fun of Mr. Fuji’s heritage by using his fingers to make his eyes slanted. Real classy there! Another lockup and Muraco hits some knees as I find myself pulling for him at this point. Orndorff ruins my fun as he gets a whip into the corner and hits a backdrop on the rebound. The bigot goes to work on Muraco with an arm bar and drives a knee into the shoulder to add some pressure. An arm ringer is used, but Muraco counters by hitting a Samoan Drop as I applaud loudly. The Magnificent one sends Orndorff head first into the turnbuckle, and soon the two men are trading blows. They fight near the ropes and tumble out the ring, and a brawl out there keeps either man from realizing that the ref has counted them out. What a horrible ending, and even the crowd knows it as they chant Bull Shit. Wow, and here I thought ECW was still 8 years from inception.

No Contest via Double Count-Out @ 4:33
(I’m sure glad Orndorff turned heel shortly after this because there was no way I was buying him as a face. I just can’t get behind the guy for some reason. Match was short, and had a horrible ending, but the Samoan Drop was pretty sweet!) 1/4*

WWF Intercontinental Title: “Macho Man” Randy Savage w/ Elizabeth vs. George “The Animal” Steele

-The story here is that the Animal is in love with Liz (who looks smoking I might add), and Savage, as usual, is the jealous boyfriend who wants to beat on the lovesick moron. It’s really quite simple, but sadly, Steele isn’t, what’s the word I’m looking for here…. good, so the match isn’t good either. Thankfully, the WWE would give Savage more to work with in WrestleManias to come. In honor of the George Steele character’s low IQ (Steele, the man, was quite intelligent), I present this match in a way that even he can follow:

See Randy Savage. See Randy Savage Run. See Randy Savage run again. And again. And again. See George. See George chase Randy. See George bite Randy’s calf!
See George Choke Randy. See Randy Choke George. See Randy and George blow a high cross body spot. See Randy get a 2 count off said blown spot.

Enough of that, as Savage starts to go on offense, and my interest is regained. “Macho Man” out thinks Steele (shocking, I know) by crawling under the ring and coming out of the opposite side to hit Steele with a knee. Fans around ringside had flowers for Liz, and of course that’s asking for trouble. Summoning his inner Mario, Savage uses Flower power to gain an advantage by beating Steele with the bouquet. That’s quite dangerous as I hear the chlorophyll alone can blind a man. Steele fires back by biting into the bicep of Savage and then uses the flowers himself. While Steele stops to chew on a buckle, Savage rolls outside to stall. The Animal follows, but gets distracted by Liz, and Savage drops an axe-handle from the top rope to the floor (always loved that move). Back inside the ring and Savage gets the flying elbow for thre…. TWO? What was that? Can’t believe they let Steele kick out of the elbow. I bet Hogan would lose sleep over the fact that he wasn’t the 1st person to kick out of that move. Savage finishes soon afterwards as he gets a roll-up and puts his feet on the ropes to get the three count.

Randy Savage via roll-up with feet on ropes for the pin @ 7:07
(Really, Savage deserved better in his WrestleMania debut, but at least this match helped lead to next year’s Mania and the Savage/Steamboat match. This match was a waste, and I’m still in shock they let Steele kick out of the elbow) 1/4*

George Wells vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts

-You should all know who Jake is, but probably not George Wells. Well, George is a jobber plain, and simple, but he did play football in the CFL. No lock-up here as Jake jumps Wells from behind. Wells gets the advantage though and hits a backdrop. They head to the outside, but Wells immediately takes the action back inside the ring. The jobber onslaught continues as Wells hits a shoulder block and even pulls out a head scissors. Other jobbers throughout the world are shedding tears of joy as their boy is dominating Jake at this point. Jake fearing the power of Wells calls for a time-out, but George is feeling it tonight, baby, and hits a body slam and knee lift (which Jake totally over sells). A crisp power slam by Wells gets a 2 count, and finally Jake goes on the offense after an eye rake. It’s a quick strike offense as he immediately hits the DDT for the 3 count. Guess it was kind of like a short slant from Young to Rice for 80 yards and a TD type of offense. Post match antics see Damian draped on Wells, and even there Wells makes my day by selling for the snake. Nice touch as he foams at the mouth while the python is wrapped around his neck.

Jake Roberts via DDT for the pin @ 3:06
(This had squash written all over it, but it turned into a squash by the jobber for the most part. Not sure why Wells, got all the offense. Only thing I can figure is that they wanted to get the DDT over as a killer finisher by having it be Roberts only move in the match. Weird booking aside, the match was ok and better than the 2 previous matches for sure) *

-Over in Los Angeles Jesse Ventura interviews Hulk Hogan. It was the usual hype job for the Steel Cage match from Hogan. The banter between Hogan and Ventura makes me bemoan the fact that Ventura’s health kept a feud between the two of them from occurring.

New York Main Event
Boxing Match: Mr. T (w/ Joe Frazier and The Haiti Kid) vs. Roddy Piper (w/ Cowboy Bob Orton and Lou Duva)

Special Guest Ring Announcer: Joan Rivers
Judge #1: Darryl Dawkins (NJ Nets)
Judge #2 Cab Calloway
Judge #3 G. Gordon Liddy (Booed out of the building)
Special Guest Time Keeper: Herb (I have no clue)

Round 1: Piper is cheered loudly at times, and Mr. T gets booed any time he goes on the offense. Shockingly, Mr. T doesn’t even come close to comparing to Clubber Lang. I’m heart broken by this development. The story of the 1st round is that T throws some weak body shots, while Piper throws better-looking jabs. Piper looks upset by all of this and throws in a few harder shots from time to time. Nothing of note happens as the round ends and the crowd sits bored. If this were real boxing I’d score the round 10-9 for Piper.

Round 2: We have controversy as Piper comes out to start with Vaseline all over his face. The ref actually catches it and orders him back to the corner (must be a boxing ref, because lord knows wrestling refs are blind and stupid). Piper gets the 1st knock down at 2 minutes into the round to a huge pop from the crowd. T gets up at the count of 8 and that’s the only high point for the round. More weak shots are thrown as the bell rings, and T is so gassed that he falls over after the bell. 10-8 Piper in that round.

Round 3: T continues to suck oxygen as he throws more weak body shots that Piper has to sell. 45 seconds into the round poor Piper has to sell these weak shots and slumps down in the corner for our 2nd knock down. Piper answers the count at 8, and then walks into a haymaker that seemingly misses, but again, Piper has to sell as he flies out of the ring. Piper gets back in the ring at the count of 9 as I wonder why the ref would let a fight continue after one man gets knocked completely out of the ring? The round ends, and I guess that round goes to Mr. T 10-7.

Round 4: Before the round T taunts Piper, so a chair gets chucked at Mr. T. Piper is trying his hardest to make this entertaining. At this point Piper looks disgusted and starts throwing heavy blows as both men slug it out in the middle of the ring. The ref gets bumped (must be a wrestling ref after all) and Piper uses that as his chance to body slam T. Apparently, that’s not in the New York State Athletic Boxing Commission rules (should be) and Piper is disqualified @ 1:14 of the 4th round.

Mr. T via DQ @ 1:14 4th Round (13:14 total time)
(Not sure how to really rate the match, so I won’t, but I will say that Piper tried all he could to make this interesting. It’s worth seeing Mr. T get gassed within the 1st 3 minutes, but it would have been better had they let them have a real boxing match)

-Now we go live for Part 2 in Chicago, IL @ The Rosemont Horizon (future home of WM 13 and 22).

Announce Team: Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund, and Cathy Lee Crosby (Original Wonder Woman, and one time squeeze of Joe Theisman)

WWF Woman’s Title: Fabulous Moolah © vs. Velvet McIntyre

-Moolah was a spry 63 at this point, and no, that’s not a typo. Moolah jumps her from behind and breaks out the move-set by using a woman’s staple: The Hair Toss. Velvet hits a drop kick (landing only 1 foot) and hits a slam. Velvet goes up top, but misses a splash and Moolah covers for a 3 count (though Velvet had her feet in the ropes).

Fabulous Moolah via missed splash for 3 count @ 57 seconds
(UGH! What a horrible mess, but it was quick. Not sure what happened with the ending, as it looked botched. Thankfully, it was an ending. It would be years before the Lady’s/Woman’s title would be defended at WM, and this match may have had a lot to do with that.) DUD

Flag Match: Corporal Kirschner vs. Nikolai Volkoff w/ Freddie Blassie

-Winner of the match gets to wave his flag; so really, it’s just your basic match at this point. Later flag matches actually involved a wrestler retrieving his flag from a corner of the ring. As with most matches with Nikolai at this time, the crowd heat is good because of his gimmick. Sure, it’s cheap heat, but it is effective. Volkoff starts the match with several knees and tosses Corporal outside to the floor and rams his head into the ring post. We actually get some blood and the Corporal fires back when the action returns inside the ring to a nice pop. The ref gets bumped, and Blassie tries to get the cane to Volkoff, but Corporal intercepts and uses it to get the pin.

Corporal Kirschner via cane shot for pin @ 1:35
(The match had some good intensity, but was way too short. It would have been nice to give them a few minutes and let them have a nice blood bath, but they didn’t, so we got this instead) ½*

Chicago Main Event
20 Man Battle Royal

Special Guest Time Keeper: Claire Peller (“Where’s the Beef?” Lady)
Special Guest Ref: Dick Butkus
Special Guest Ref: Ed “Too Tall” Jones

Participants: Jimbo Covert (Chicago Bears), Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin (Dallas Cowboys), Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga (Haku), The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes (Pittsburgh Steelers), The Killer Bees (Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell), Big John Studd, Bill Fralic (Atlanta Falcons), The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart), Russ Francis (SF 49ers), Bruno Sammartino, William “The Refrigerator” Perry (Chicago Bears), and Andre The Giant

-This is your standard battle royal with lots of leaning on the ropes and punching. Covert and Tonga Kid are the 1st to go (1:00). Ernie Holmes gets tossed @ 1:47. The crowd makes noise as Studd and Andre go at it in the corner. Next victim is Brunzell @ 2:30, and Tony Atlas goes just after @ 2:55. Perry and Studd go at it to pop the crowd and foreshadow what was to happen later in the match. Morales and Martin are bounced at 3:50. Still, nothing too exciting as we get more punching and shoving, so we’ll continue with the eliminations: Arcidi (4:24), Spivey (4:35), Hillbilly Jim and Blair (4:45), Fralic (5:12), and Sheik (5:23). The crowd stirs once more as Sammartino and Studd exchange blows, but Bruno is tossed @ 5:50. Studd and Perry go once more, and a charge by Perry results in him being tossed (6:29) to boos from the Chicago crowd. Perry offers a handshake, and in a heel move, pulls Studd over the top rope @ 6:32. That gives us a Final Four of Andre the Giant, The Hart Foundation, and Russ Francis. One of these things is not like the other, and soon odd man out Francis is tossed at 7:50. I will point out that the San Francisco 49er lasted longer than any other NFL star. Just saying. The Harts double Andre, but it does no good as Anvil is sent over the to rope via a boot @ 8:58 and Bret is pressed slammed out @ 9:09 to give Andre the win.

Andre The Giant via eliminating Bret Hart @ 9:09
(Just your standard battle royal, but with a little more heat because of the NFL players being involved. I won’t even try to rate these because most battle royals are the same)

WWF Tag Team Titles: The Dream Team (Beefcake and Valentine) © w/ Valiant vs. The British Bulldogs w/ Capt Lou and Ozzy Osbourne

-Ozzy shows up in a peach suit, because nothing screams Price of Darkness like a suit straight out of Miami Vice. Smith and Valentine start out with Valentine dropping elbows. Smith gets an arm wringer and makes the tag to The Dynamite Kid. Watching Kid after all these years of watching Chris Benoit is scary. Benoit is the Canadian son that Dynamite probably didn’t realize he conceived after that encounter with a waitress in a restaurant in Moose Jaw. Basically, Benoit is scary in the way he works like Dynamite. (Note: I wrote this review last summer before the Benoit tragedy. No editing though as the point is still valid) Kid brings the pain with stiff boots to the face of Valentine, and since he is The Hammer, he takes them like a man. After a great snap suplex, Smith is tagged back in and hits a suplex of his own for 2. A forearm from Valentine and Brutus is tagged in to take his lumps. That consists of taking a press slam and a tag is made to Dynamite. He gets a wicked clothesline for 2, and then a small package for 2. Smith comes back and hits a perfect-plex of all things to get a 2 count. A front face lock gives Brutus the chance to make a blind tag to Valentine. Hammer comes off top with a forearm and hits a suplex for 2. He gets a side headlock, but a blind tag by the faces brings Kid back in the match. He starts throwing chops and backs Hammer into the corner where he delivers some heavy shoulder blocks. Smith returns and the Bulldogs get a double shoulder block for 2. A sunset flip by Dynamite gets 2 as Brutus makes the save. Hammer regains control and hits a sick reverse tombstone piledriver for 2. Hammer leaps to drop a knee, but catches a knee from Kid that hit’s him square in the little hammer. Valentine recovers (as best he can) and goes up top, but gets caught and slammed off (ala Ric Flair) for 2. All 4 men brawl in the ring and we settle back down with Valentine and Dynamite. Smith gets a tag and hits a running powerslam for 2. Another suplex gets 2 for Smith. Hammer changes momentum by running Smith into the post and the heels attack the shoulder. Beefcake tosses Smith onto his back after applying a hammerlock on the bad arm, and Valentine follows with a shoulder breaker, but pulls Smith up at the count of 2. That never works out well for the heels when they do that. Sure enough, Smith sends Valentine into the corner where he collides heads with Dynamite, and that’s enough to get the pin and titles for The Bulldogs. Dynamite took a nasty bump off the 2nd rope to the floor on that collision and is sporting some blood.

The British Bulldogs win the WWF Tag Titles via pin @ 12:01
(Great match here, and the best match from the 1st two WrestleManias. Lots of super stiff stuff here, and some great chemistry with the Hammer and Dynamite Kid.) ***1/2

-Part III takes us to the Los Angeles Sports Arena (Future Home: WrestleMania VII)
Announce Team: Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira

Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat

-Hercules jumps Steamboat to start with knees and elbows, but Dragon avoids more punishment and gets a chop to change the tide. Dragon hits his trademark deep armdrags, and goes to work with an armbar. He throws in some elbows to add pressure to the hold. Hercules blows my mind by leap frogging the Dragon, and that’s about all he does to impress me in this match. Steamboat carries things from there as he continues to work on the arm with various submission holds (armbar, hammerlocks, etc). Steamboat leapfrogs Hercules twice and hits a back elbow flush when Hernandez charges for a 3rd time. A suplex and Steamboat goes back to the armbar. Hercules hits a stiff clothesline and drops knees as Steamboat sells everything. Hercules hits a stun gun before Steamboat makes the comeback. A failed attempt at a body slam leads to a 2 count for Hercules. More elbows lead to another 2 count. A few press slams, and Hercules makes the mistake of going up top, and he misses a splash. Steamboat shows him how it is done and hits a cross body off the top for the pin.

Ricky Steamboat via cross body for pin @ 7:31
(Your typical paint by numbers Dragon match as he does what he can with what he is given. Hercules would drop the Hernandez and then be treated as a slave before turning face against Ted Dibiase in the coming years. Steamboat would see better days as far as WrestleMania matches go the next year.) *1/4

Adrian Adonis w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Uncle Elmer

-Uncle Elmer is your standard wrestling Hillbilly, though he is worse than most of them as far as in ring skills go, and that’s saying something. Adonis is playing a more disturbing Gorgeous George gimmick. Uncle Elmer gets in a lot of punches and kicks as Adonis bumps all over the place in hilarious fashion. His bumping is the only slightly enjoyable thing, and the finish see Elmer miss a leg drop (must not know that only Hogan can finish a match like that), and Adonis hits an ugly head butt of the top rope for the pin.

Adrian Adonis via top rope head butt for pin @ 3:43
(Yeah, this was bad, and possibly even life scaring. Please be advised that this match consisted of a fat hillbilly and an even fatter cross dresser. Really, that’s all that needs to be said.) DUD

The Funks (Terry and Hoss) w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana

-This is the result of a lengthy feud between JYD and Terry Funk. Hoss Funk (Dory Funk, Jr.) is the brother of Terry Funk, and now is a trainer (students include Matt and Jeff Hardy, Lita, and Kurt Angle among others). Hoss and JYD start, but quickly Terry comes into get slammed by the Dog. The heels roll outside to regroup and we return to the ring with Tito and Terry going at it. Terry gets some chops, but is soon clotheslined over the top rope. Hoss tries to come to the rescue, but Tito isn’t having any of that and gets a dropkick. Finally, we get JYD vs. Terry and the crowd is hot. It’s a slaughter by JYD as he rams Terry into the turnbuckle as the crowd counts to 10. To make sure the Chicago crowd really could count to 10, JYD repeats the spot, and Terry is on rubber legs. Terry gets tossed to the floor once again (should mention no mats on this floor ala ECW). Hoss and Tito go once more, and Santana hits the Flying Jalapeno (tm Bobby Heenan) for a 2 count. The heels bail again, and Terry wants a piece of Tito. Heels finally take control and Tito is your bullfighter in peril. Jimmy Hart gets some boots in on the outside, and Terry hits a suplex for a 2 count. Terry goes to the well again, but Tito blocks the suplex and hits one of his own. A near tag to JYD, but Hoss cuts him off, and hits some boots. Funks hit a double clothesline and Terry gets another 2 count. Terry tries to go the Hulk Hogan route (must be a theme), but he misses the leg drop and Tito gets the HOT tag to JYD. Crowd goes insane as JYD goes nuts on the Funks. Terry takes an insane bump (for the time), as he is backdropped over the top rope to the floor. All 4 men brawl outside and we get a historic moment as Terry is slammed onto a nearby table (it doesn’t break, but that was heavy stuff for 1986). The crowd wants to chant ECW at this point, but would have to wait another 8 years. Back inside Tito gets a Figure 4 on Hoss, but neither man is legal and as the ref puts Tito out, Terry hits JYD with the megaphone for the pin.

The Funks via megaphone shot for pin @ 11:43
(Pretty good old school tag match with some good brawling mixed in. All parties played their parts perfectly, and the crowd heat was there as well. Crowd was less than thrilled with the ending, which is a good thing.) ***

Los Angeles Main Event
WWF Title Match: Steel Cage
Hulk Hogan © vs. King Kong Bundy w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

Special Guest Announcer: Tommy Lasorda
Special Guest Time Keeper: Ricky Schroder (“Silver Spoon”)
Special Ref: Robert Conrad (“Wild Wild West” TV Series)

-This match is being contested under escape rules (either over the top of the cage or out the door), and is the result of Bundy breaking the ribs of Hogan on Saturday Night’s Main Event. This is also fought in the “blue barred” cage, and not the now common chain link fence cage. Hogan dominates early with chops and punches. The babyface Hogan chokes Bundy with the strap of his wrestling singlet. The Hogan onslaught continues as he hits the running clothesline in the corner and the Ax Bomber (his finisher in Japan). Bundy finally gets a shot in to the injured ribs and that’s enough to slow down Hogan. Since Hogan is wearing tape over his ribs, it’s obvious where Bundy is going, and sure enough we gets boots and punches to the ribs of Hogan. After a bodyslam, Bundy heads for the door, but Hogan is able to pull him back into the ring. Back to the ribs as Bundy rams Hogan back 1st into the steel cage, and then goes for the door again. Once again Hogan makes the save, so Bundy pulls off the tape from the ribs and continues the pounding. Bundy actually tries to outsmart Hogan by using the tape to tie the champ to the ropes while he tries to go out the door. Hogan again makes the save and Heenan tries to pull his man out the door. The Bundy tug of war goes to Hogan as he goes back on offense with punches and a back elbow. The cage finally gets some use as Bundy is ran into it and starts to bleed (thus freaking out Elvira which is funny). Hogan works the cut and then goes back to the future with his later Hollywood Hogan offense (ie: eye rakes and back rakes). Twice more Bundy is thrown into the cage and Hogan chokes Bundy out on the top rope as he stands on his neck. Hogan makes the mistake of going for a slam, and Bundy collapses back on him (a favorite spot of Hogan’s). Bundy gets the Avalanche in the corner and hits the splash as Hogan oversells by twitching on the canvas. Hogan stops Bundy from going out the door again, so Bundy gives him another Avalanche, but this time Hogan no sells and begins to Hulk-up. Bundy charges before we get a full Hulk-up and Hogan uses Bundy’s momentum to get a powerslam (which actually makes more sense than a regular slam because of Hogan’s bad ribs). The leg drop follows and Hogan climbs the cage as Bundy tries to save. He is kicked off and Hogan hits the floor to retain the title. After the match Hogan chases Heenan into the cage and beats on the Brain to the delight of the crowd.

Hulk Hogan via escape cage @ 10:18
(A better match than I expected actually, and the added storyline of the broken ribs helped. Hogan basically squashed Bundy, but no rest holds and some good moments make this a perfectly acceptable way to end the show) **

The 411: Definitely a hit or miss show, but we got 2 good tag matches, an interesting train wreck of a boxing match, and a better than expected cage match. The rest was pretty bad, but they were still working out the kinks of what a WrestleMania match should be at this point. The work here was better than that of the 1st WrestleMania, but historically this isn't that important in the grand scheme of things.

Final Score:  6.0   [ Average ]