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Jack Likes Wrestlemania And Is Impressed By Humans Who Can Run Up Tall Ladders: Wrestlemania 21

March 18, 2015 | Posted by Jack Stevenson
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Jack Likes Wrestlemania And Is Impressed By Humans Who Can Run Up Tall Ladders: Wrestlemania 21  

WRESTLEMANIA 21

Wrestlemania returns to Los Angeles, California and goes Hollywood in the process! The entrance stage is set up like a movie theatre with a red carpet, and the promos leading into the show were all surprisingly funny parodies of famous films. Lillian Garcia is on America the Beautiful duty. Once again, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are at the Raw announce booth, Michael Cole and Tazz are at the Smackdown one.

MATCH 1- REY MYSTERIO VS. EDDIE GUERRERO

Rey and Eddie were WWE Tag Team Champions and doing great, but Chavo Guerrero got in Eddie’s ear and reminded him that he’d never got the best of Rey in a singles match. Chavo’s manipulating coincided with a bit of a rough patch for the champs; in one instance, Mysterio accidentally 619ed Eddie during a match with the Bashams, almost costing them the bout. It was decided a Wrestlemania singles match would be a good idea, but Chavo wasn’t successful at getting the champions to go into the bout as anything other than firm friends.

Some pretty nifty mat wrestling gets us underway, before Mysterio kicks things up a notch by wiping out Guerrero with a terrific Corkscrew Plancha! He follows it up with a Springboard Senton!Mysterio was the bees knees when he still had knees. Of course, Eddie was rather good himself, and this is very noticeable when he brings Rey’s momentum to a screeching halt by countering a 619 with a spiky Tilt a Whirl Backbreaker! Next, he throws Rey all over the place with the Three Amigos. Latino Heat is in a most vicious mood! He tries to finish with the Frog Splash, but Mysterio moves out the way. 619 connects, but Guerrero counters the West Coast Pop with a powerbomb into a pinning combination! Only enough for two though. Eddie decides to try another Tilt-a-Whil, but Rey snaps off a headscissors into a roll-up, and gets the flash pinfall. *** ¾. A delight of an opener, full of free flowing lucha inspired sequences, and punctuated by moments of real nastiness by Eddie. It’s often contended that Rey and Eddie’s best match was the Halloween Havoc ’97 one, and they spent the rest of their bouts against each other desperately trying to top it and never being successful. I guess that’s true to an extent because the Havoc one was just superb, but it does a great disservice to their later bouts to just view them as monuments to failed ambition, because this was just great in its own right. In fact, it could have got right into the stratosphere of their 1997 classic had it not been truncated by a frustratingly abrupt ending. The headscissors counter to the tilt a whirl was beautifully executed, but it felt like a really arbitrary, fluky end to the bout. Still, this was a super way to open the show.

MATCH 2- MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH- CHRIS BENOIT VS. KANE VS. SHELTON BENJAMIN VS. CHRIS JERICHO VS. CHRISTIAN VS. EDGE

None of these guys had anything to do at Wrestlemania so Chris Jericho suggested they could have a Ladder Match. The Money in the Bank stipulation was tacked on a couple of weeks later, and here we are!

As you would expect, many stunts are perfomed in quick succession. Most of them are crazy and outstanding. Shelton starts as he means to continue by soaring over the top rope onto a gaggle of bodies with a plancha! No hands, either! Kane one ups him by jumping off the top turnbuckle and wiping out everyone with his giant frame! Jericho starts to use the ladder as a weapon, but Benoit puts a stop to it by German Suplexing it clean out of his hands. Kane rewards him for that by smashing a ladder into his arm, which will cost the Wolverine dear later in the match. There is a ladder set up directly under the briefcase. Christian tries to set up another one near it but gets blindsided and has to lean it against the one that’s already standing. Benjamin charges up the leaning ladder and knocks Jericho down to the floor with a huge clothesline in one of the most dazzling stunts you’ll ever see! It’s all the more remarkable because up until this one, WWE’s ladder matches seemed to have ran out of ideas and mostly regurgitated spots from the TLC days. In running up that ladder, Benjamin essentially took the Ladder match by the lapels, shook it vigorously, slapped it in the face, and told it to pull itself together. In doing so, he went a long way to saving one of the most popular gimmick matches in wrestling history, and helped turn Money in the Bank into the most thrilling and influential creation of contemporary WWE. So, as tempting as it is to lament Benjamin’s wasted potential, that one moment probably had more of an impact than a hypothetical world championship reign for him would have done. Anyway, Christian’s problem solver Tyson Tomko tries to get involved, but Kane clothesline him to the floor and tips Cpt. Charisma off a ladder and onto his ally! Benoit re-enters the fray and hits the Swandive Headbutt off the top of a ladder onto Kane. Oh dear. Benoit is so close to victory, but Edge crashes a chair into his injured arm and sends him flying to the mat, howling in pain. From there, it’s an easy climb for Edge to retrieve the briefcase and change his career for ever. **** ½. An unbelievable parade of carnage that would genuinely change the WWE. The best moments were utterly dizzying and there was a fine story underneath it with the rugged Chris Benoit trying to power through his debilitating arm injury to secure victory. A remarkable, compulsive outing.

Two of the more unpleasant aspects of WWE circa 2005 rear their heads, as Eugene, WWE’s attempt at getting away with mocking disabled people by making him a sympathetic bumbling manchild embarrassment, clashes with Muhammad Hassan and Daivari, Muslim representatives making largely accurate comments about racial issues in America for white people to jeer at. Hassan clamps his Camel Clutch on Eugene until Hulk Hogan makes the save and chases them off and somehow resists the urge to set fire to a Koran.

MATCH 3- THE UNDERTAKER VS. RANDY ORTON

Orton had turned from fan favourite to rule breaker amid a sea of beaten up legends with spit on their faces. He was determined to end the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at Wrestlemania and enhance his status as a ‘legend killer’ further. Taker really wasn’t keen on this guy making his name at the expense of his legacy. This was the first rivalry to really revolve around the idea of ‘Taker having this stunning winning run at Mania that might just be broken. Undertaker hovers to the ring through the smoke, which just looks a bit silly to be honest. The druids lighting his way to the ring with fire are as cool as ever though.

Randy slaps Undertaker in the face to begin, which, like it or not, is rather gutsy. Also rather gutsy is trying to hit an RKO very early on, and it doesn’t work out for him, as the Deadman just deposits him over the top rope. Undertaker goes on to dominate the early stages with some impactful offense. Old School! Snake Eyes! Big side slam! He locks on the Dragon Sleeper, but Orton spins it into a DDT before it completely sucks the life out of him. Taker tries for the Last Ride, but Randy goes out the back door and tries for the RKO. Taker pushes him away, and sends him into Earl Hebner. Bob Orton is here! He still has a cast on! What the fuck is wrong with his arm? He whacks Undertaker with it! Orton covers! One, two, not three! A fuming Deadman goes after the Cowboy, but Randy saves his Dad and hits the RKO!! Fuck! Is this the end of the Streak? Los Angeles really believes it is, but Undertaker kicks out at the last possible moment! Orton tries to steal the Tombstone, but Taker shifts the momentum and lands one of his own! One, two, three! The streak survives, but only by a hair! *** 3/4. Those near falls at the end were so fucking exciting I found myself thinking for a split second that I’d massively misremembered a vital part of wrestling history and actually Orton curtailed the streak at 12-0. This and the Money in the Bank Ladder Match make for quite the one-two punch of truly vital matches for WWE’s future, because if Undertaker had, say, his Wrestlemania 22 match with Mark Henry at this event with the same storyline going into it, there’s no way the concept of breaking the streak would have become such a compelling prospect. Anyway, the match prior to the near falls was pretty darn good as well; it was noticeably sloppy with a few jarring screw ups, but they were going for big, explosive moves and wrestling at a pace that Taker hadn’t gone at in quite some time, so I think it’s forgiveable. This show is just scorching along.

MATCH 4- WWE WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP- TRISH STRATUS VS. CHRISTY HEMME

Christy Hemme posed for Playboy and got lots of attention. Trish Stratus felt she didn’t deserve it, and wanted to make an example out of her in this match. Hemme hired injured Stratus nemesis Lita to help train her, which had the bonus effect of giving her a psychological boost. It seems to have been helpful, although I’m not sure Hemme needed Lita to tell her a kick to the vagina would cause the champion some intense discomfort. Christy follows that up with a Twist of Fate (I WONDER WHO TAUGHT HER THAT MOVE), which gets a two count. Stratus lands the Chick Kick and covers for the victory, and does a great job looking suitably annoyed that Hemme put up a credible fight. * ½. Nowhere near as bad as it could have been. Hemme wasn’t good enough to have a spot at Wrestlemania really, but she really did try her hardest to improve throughout her WWE career, and on the basis of this match had a degree of potential.

MATCH 5- SHAWN MICHAELS VS. KURT ANGLE

Shawn eliminated Kurt from the Royal Rumble, so Kurt took him out of the match in turn. A Wrestlemania showdown was on the cards! Angle made it personal by trying to demonstrate his superiority to HBK; he parodied the Wrestlemania X Ladder Match with Razor Ramon by having one with a no name and winning comfortably; he beat Marty Jannetty on Smackdown; he even brought back Sherri Martel to help him sing a special rendition of “Sexy Kurt!” Which was legitimately hysterical.

They start on the mat, as you’d expect, and show off some reasonably interesting counters and battles to retain holds. Angle tries for an early Ankle Lock, only for Michaels’ counter to send them both over the top rope. There, Kurt hoists HBK up and Angle Slams him into the ring post! That unsurprisingly gives the Olympic Gold Medallist the advantage back in the ring, but he loses it when he tries a super belly to belly suplex off the top rope and gets shoved back down to the canvas. Michaels tries for the elbow drop, but Angle moves out the way and tries the Angle Slam. Shawn counters that into an arm drag though, and then ducks an Angle charge and back body drops him to the floor in a slick sequence! Angle slumps across the announce table, so Shawn soars off the middle rope and onto Kurt him a springboard splash! The table doesn’t break, and Jim Ross notes that it’s because they’ve been reinforced with steel because so many people have been crashing through them. I really like that. I really like the idea that someone, somewhere within WWE, is behaving with a modicum of sense, while everyone else inexplicably scatters barbed wire baseball bats lying under the apron. Back in the ring, Shawn kips up and starts to run through some babyface-y moves, but suddenly gets snagged in an Ankle Lock! Kurt is very reluctant to let go but has to when he’s pulled into a roll-up. Shawn goes up top and is met with a Super Angle Slam! One, two, Shawn kicks out! This probably wasn’t the wisest move, because Michaels recovers to hit the Sweet Chin Music and it gets a decidedly muted response, because how is that going to end the match if a finisher off the top rope couldn’t? It’s a shame as well because the set up for the move is so cool, Kurt drags Shawn to his feet and starts to berate him and tell him he’s going to lose and all his effort will be for nothing, and HBK is just like “shut the fuck up Kurt” and cracks him in the jaw. Ankle Lock by Angle! Shawn fights it and fights it and fights it, he throws himself in the general direction of the ropes but gets dragged back to the middle, he kicks Kurt down but can’t dislodge his grip, he weathers it for as long as he can in the hope that Angle will just give up, but he won’t, so Shawn gives in with the heaviest of hearts. ****. So, for the longest time I really really disliked this match, I didn’t find it engaging at all, thought the near falls were pretty bleh and primarily derived from the wrestlers just eating finishers and kicking out of them, and hated the finish with Michaels writhing around in the Ankle Lock for a longer time than should be humanly possible. My main concern going into the match was thinking about how I could most effectively justify the low rating I’d give it. And then, as it turns out, I really really enjoyed it on this viewing? Maybe because my expectations were low. Maybe because there was this women in the second row who was totally absorbed in the bout, was clearly desperate for a Shawn Michaels victory, and noticing that the match was compelling someone to suspend their disbelief so utterly made me feel more positively inclined towards it. Maybe I’d just misremembered how good the big spots were. Shawn’s dive into the table, the Super Angle Slam, heck, even the prolonged Ankle Lock at the end was properly dramatic, and it didn’t feel this time like HBK was holding on long enough to detract from the match’s credibility. I’m still not as big a fan of the bout as many people seem to be. I didn’t feel like I was ever truly emotionally invested it in, the most I got into the bout was by just thinking “ooh, that was a cool move!” When you do feuds that are essentially built around two people trying to prove they’re the best, to get the most out of it you’ve got to be a big fan of both wrestlers, so you truly care about seeing which one has the edge. I’m not a huge Kurt Angle fan, as I’ve mentioned, and while Shawn’s in ring work is incredible his on screen character was rarely my cup of tea. But, for now, I think this is a great match with tons of drama.

Roddy Piper hosts an edition of Piper’s Pit with Steve Austin. They exchange insults and it doesn’t really go anywhere until Carlito comes out and eats a Stone Cold Stunner. Austin and Piper put their differences aside for a beer bash, but once the Rattlesnake grows weary of that he does indeed stun the Hot Rod!

MATCH 6- SUMO MATCH- THE BIG SHOW VS. AKEBONO

Well, this is a neat curiosity, as the WWE’s largest athlete sees how he matches up against the finest Sumo wrestler in the world at that point. They play it very seriously, going through all the pre match traditions. The match itself lasts one minute and ends when Akebono tosses Show out of both the circle and the ring. I’m not sure how legitimate this match was- I’m sure I heard somewhere respectable that it was real, but it didn’t really look it, Show’s elimination was conveniently spectacular and I really doubt he could have lasted a full minute with Akebono when many proper Sumo wrestler don’t make it that far. A lot of people are down on this, but I don’t see the harm, it was something different and only lasted a few minutes.

MATCH 7- WWE CHAMPIONSHIP- JBL VS. JOHN CENA

John Cena saw off Kurt Angle at No Way Out to put him on a collision course with WWE Champion JBL. They were natural enemies! JBL cost Cena his customised U.S. Championship to Orlando Jordan, and then he put it in a trash can and exploded it. Naturally. This upset Cena greatly, but Teddy Long forbade him to lay a hand on Bradshaw unless the champ attacked him first. Unable to do any punching, Cena found alternative methods of infuriating his enemy- vandalising his limo, cutting his tie off, and pouring cold water in his hat and dumping it on his head.

This one is so odd. Cena gets the first move in (a shoulderblock) but from there JBL is in almost total control. He drops his challenger with a spinebuster, then does it again with a swinging neckbreaker. He slows the pace down further with submission holds to strengthen his grip on the match. An impactful superplex connects, and Cena seems in real trouble. And then, literally, this is the finishing sequence- Cena catches JBL in mid air after he attempts a rare top rope move, and drops him with a powerslam. He follows up with a back drop and a hip toss, before hitting the Five Knuckle Shuffle. JBL is whipped into the turnbuckles, tries to roar back with the Clothesline from Hell, but Cena ducks, hits the F-U, and gets the pinfall. That’s it. That’s how Cena wins his first WWE Championship. This would have been a bizarrely structured match even if it didn’t have the WWE Championship on the line, as JBL just beat up Cena for about ten minutes, then out of nowhere the challenger made a brief comeback, hit the F-U, and got an unceremonious pin. It’s all the more jarring when you consider that Cena would go on to be such a colossal superstar you could name an era after him, but at the time the consensus within WWE was that Batista was the man to spearhead them into the future, and so presumably they thought they could get away with a more low key victory for Cena. Well, WWE decision makers, you were dead wrong! Because I’m going to give this match a low star rating! Just watch me. *. There! Bet you’re wishing you’d put more effort into it now!

MATCH 8- WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP- BATISTA VS. TRIPLE H

Batista was the loyal enforcer in Triple H’s Evolution stable, but started to correctly surmise that HHH didn’t have his best interests at heart. When The Animal won the 2005 Royal Rumble, Hunter desperately tried to convince him to use his World Title shot to challenge JBL on Smackdown. After initially seeming to go along with his boss’ suggestion, Batista powerbombed The Game through a contract signing table to make it clear just who he’d be going after at Wrestlemania. Motorhead play Triple H down to the ring for the second time in Wrestlemania history, and just like at Wrestlemania X-7 Lemmy decides just to growl whatever words enter his head, rather than make any attempt at following the actual lyrics of ‘The Game.’ Who’d argue with him though? Me. I would. From far away on the internet, where he’ll never hear me.

It looks like it’s going to be a fairly even contest in the beginning, but then Batista powers out of a Pedigree attempt and hits a press slam and you’re left in little doubt as to whose night this is. It takes a distraction from Ric Flair for HHH to gain real traction, driving his former pal into the ring steps. Flair continues to be a nuisance by choking the Animal with his suit jacket, and HHH complements this with some nice wrestling moves, including a suplex, backbreaker and spinebuster. He tries to put an exclamation mark on proceedings with a top rope move, but Batista rallies and clotheslines him in mid air! The brawl spills to the floor, where Triple H tries aPedigree on the steel steps, but Batista sweeps his legs away and slingshots him into the ring post! The impact opens up a significant cut on Hunter, which is a really smart use of blood, it makes the usually dominant champion seem vulnerable, which in turn makes Batista look like a world beater. He goes after the wound really ruthlessly as well. Hunter’s getting the shit kicked out of him. The champ desperately tries to grab a steel chair but Mike Chioda leaps off the ring apron and knocks it out of his hands in mid air which is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen a referee do. Ric Flair tries to use the title belt but eats a Spinebuster and it’s a testament to how wildly popular Batista was at the time that he gets a broadly positive reaction for dropping one of the coolest, most beloved, and at this stage in his life largely unthreatening bad guys. Hunter picks up the baton/belt and waffles the Animal with it, but it can’t put him away! Neither can a low blow! Another Pedigree attempts fails yet again, and Triple H is all out of tricks! All there is do to is fall victim to the Batista Bomb and concede the World Heavyweight Championship! *** ¼. I tell you what, if Reigns-Lesnar is as good as this match I’ll be pleased and surprised. It’s not among the best Mania headliners, but it’s very effective. Triple H goes above and beyond in wrestling one of the most panicked and undignified matches of his life, and makes Batista look like the absolute king of the ring in doing so. It was a little bit slow in the middle, as you might expect, but they pulled things together for a strong finishing stretch which gave the Animal almost everything he could have asked for. This is often considered a let down of a main event but I don’t understand on what criteria. They had a good brawl, the right man picked up the victory in the right way, and while Batista never became quite the star they were expecting, he still had a sufficiently respectable run at the top of the card to make this a worthwhile endeavour.

9.1
The final score: review Amazing
The 411
Another superb Wrestlemania. Some people will say it peaks at Michaels-Angle, I think it peaks at the Money in the Bank Ladder Match, but either way the show is still bursting at the seams with high quality wrestling and events that would change the company forever. The final two matches are to an extent overshadowed by the undercard, but can still boast the appeal of seeing Batista take a huge step towards appearing in Guardians of the Galaxy and James Bond in an unfairly maligned, thoroughly decent battle with Triple H, while John Cena makes an extremely timid play for the main event and goes on to be the 21st century's first homegrown hyperstar. On the undercard, the Money in the Bank match and Undertaker-Randy Orton reshape the future Wrestlemania in their image. It's not a perfect show, it definitely feels a bit lopsided and it's impossible to ignore what a confusing anti-climax Cena vs. JBL turns out to be, but neither of those things are too important in the grand scheme of things. A great, great event.
legend

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WrestleMania 21, Jack Stevenson