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Well, hello, Sickos! It’s Wednesday, you know what that means! AEW Dynamite is LIVE tonight, and hot off the heels of, shall we say, the “controversial ending” to Dynasty, things are set to get very interesting. I’m guessing we will get some kind of explanation as to why the Young Bucks have returned now and seemingly helped out Jon Moxley. Remember months ago, when they took off and was seen shredding documents? I feel like that had something to do with it, but we’ll have to wait and see.

As for tonight? Well, the Owen Hart Women’s Tourney quarterfinals will continue, as Kris Statlander and Thunder Rosa will do battle, and there is now a 400,000 8-man tag match, pitting The Cru, FRANK Mortos, and Ricochet against Will Ospreay, Kevin Knight, Mark Briscoe, and “Speedball” Mike Bailey. All three members of the Trios’ Titles will be in action as well, as PAC will face off with Swerve Strickland, and Claudio Castagnoli and Wheeler Yuta will face Samoa Joe and HOOK of the Opps. All of that and, of course, so much more tonight!

So, how are the sickos doing tonight? I have good news for me, not for you all though lol. The Boss asked me on Monday to cover Collision this week for Theo, so of course I accepted, so you’ll be seeing me Saturday Night as well!

With all of that said, let’s get ready for Dynamite!

Tonight, we are LIVE from Baltimore, Maryland! Our usual power trivium of Excalibur, Tony Schiavone, and Tazare on the call tonight.

The Death Riders lead us off. The single greatest roster, the purest talent assembled under one roof on Dynamite. So, why can’t any of these guys get it together when it matters? They get rolled up in dirt and roll down the hill. They can’t address the real problem: you don’t want it. You don’t. They will scorch the earth before they find a legit contender. They cannot be bought or sold. Nick and Matt Jackson have returned, that’s interesting. He is surrounded by these guys here, but he doesn’t recognize Matt and Nick anymore. You better be real careful before you make any moves.

More Jon, as apparently, he is leading us off tonight.

Non-Title Match: AEW World Champion Jon Moxley W/Marina Shafir vs. Katsuyori Shibata
The bell rings, as both men fight for inside control. Shibata wins out and grabs control from behind. Moxley rolls over, but Shibata with head scissors. Rope break, and we resume infighting. Waist lock by Shibata, Moxley counters with a double wrist lock, but another rope break. Another lock-up, Moxley powers Shibata to the corner. Shibata said F-that and slaps Jon in the face. Chops are traded in the middle of the ring, ends with Moxley kicking Shibata. Another one to the side of the head. A second one, Shibata does the Claudio neck crank. Another kick, Shibata is pissed. Moxley runs into a back heel trip. Chin lock turned into an abdominal stretch by Shibata. Flying octopus hold. Shibata whips Moxley into the corner and follows in with a big boot. He pounds away on Jon. He hits a stalling basement dropkick. A second one is cut off by Moxley. He hits a lariat, cover, just a one count. Moxley hits a piledriver on Shibata, but he lands on his feet and hits a PK on Moxley! Moxley locks in the choke, but Shibata reverses with a chin lock. Moxley gouges the eyes to escape, and locks on the choke. Shibata taps out.
WINNER: Jon Moxley
TIME: 5:40
THOUGHTS: Quick match for Moxley to get another win. Shibata had his moments, and to be honest, he was the better wrestler, but Moxley won.
RATING: **3/4

Moxley and Shafir go to leave, but here comes Matthew and Nicholas Jackson. They don’t have the elevator though, so I’m slightly disappointed lol. Shafir gets in the face of the Jackson’s, and then they both leave. That’s interesting lol.

Nicholas on the mic. Give it up for your World Champion and show some respect for the founding members of AEW. Shut the F up! Why did we do what we did? Why did we cost Swerve the title? Well, we have a couple good reasons why they did what they did. First of all, they did it for their good friend, Hangman Page, you’re welcome buddy. You see, this is what you wanted all along, you never wanted Swerve to be champion again, we did that. We don’t forget who our friends are, we love you Adam, and we know you love us.

Matthew now, the second reason, what they did for you Death Riders, they consider it a peace offering. They hope they have no beef. They realized they have more in common than you think. You want to see the locker room to rise to the occasion, just like us. You want AEW to be the best company, just like us. You want to change the world, just like us. And Jon. I’m impressed, watching you, they saw him do what they couldn’t do. They took over AEW and they even have the world title. They couldn’t do that. Last Sunday was their elevator pitch to you. Could you imagine if the Elite and Death Riders would work as one? The World Champion and the Founding Fathers? Bring your boys back out here so we can discuss business.

Instead, they get Kenny Omega! Kenny has a mic as the fans chant KENNY. See you did this all for your friends huh? Mox, Hanger. You forgot about me. Oh, he remembers the last time they met, it was at the height of his diverticulitis when they shoved him off a stretcher. But he never forgot. When he cam back, what he was doing to honor his legacy. He doesn’t want to divert from the story, but he has his own story. His friend in high school has two shih tzu’s. They yapped a lot. When they would play video games, they would take a dookie on the floor. Those dogs were proud of themselves. But as they had more dookie and the stains were more repugnant, Kenny told his friend to come over to his place. And that was what not having you in AEW was like. DOOKIE chants. The last time we saw you shredding some documents, some incriminating evidence you were hiding. They brag about their money and their earnings. But it doesn’t matter. The part that really pisses him off is if it wasn’t because of the Death Riders, it was you guys who almost killed the company that Kenny gave his heart and soul too. Nick looks every bit of the 90 pounds he was before he left, and Matt, lay off the hot stuff, you look as red as Nick’s lapels. And quite frankly, now that we have gotten to this point, he could go on, but let’s cut out the middle man, and he’ll come in the ring and fight.

Omega approaches, but the coin hits the floor and Kazuchika Okada is here…BITCH!

WHOSE HOUSE? Swerve is here! Strickland enters from behind as the Elite get out of dodge. Strickland and Omega fist bump as Kenny leaves the ring. It’s Buck hunting season, and Swerve is going to get revenge on them.

PAC attacks from behind, to continue the interruption hour. It looks like the match will start, but instead…

COMMERCIALS!

Swerve Strickland vs. PAC
We’re back, as Stephon Smith checks on Strickland, and the bell rings. Strickland has turned the tables on PAC as he pounds him in the corner. Snake Eye’s into a big boot. Taker, he is not lol. Swerve kicks PAC off the apron and takes a minute to collect himself. Strickland throws PAC from barricade to barricade, and finally, the ring steps. Prince Nana pumps up Strickland, as he enters the ring to break the count. PAC gets into the ring to escape Strickland. Swerve into the ring, but PAC to the apron. He sucks Swerve in with a headbutt, he goes up and over, but Strickland catches him and hits a very iffy buckle bomb. He sits PAC out, goes up top, hits the elbow from the top. Strickland chokes PAC with his boot. On the floor, Dr. Micheal Sampson checks on the foot of PAC. He gets back to his feet and enters the ring, only to get kicked in the face. Swerve to the top, he takes his time, SWERVE STOMP! And that’s all she wrote!
WINNER: Swerve Strickland
TIME: 4:15
THOUGHTS: Whether PAC was injured or not, this was the get-right win that Strickland needed after he got screwed over at Dynasty. Just enough to find a rating, but really a whole lot of incomplete.
RATING: **3/4

Post-Match, Strickland says at Blood and Guts, he won’t be hard to find, as him and George Nana head out.

Excalibur very slowly and with conviction reads through the remainder of the show. I guess he got tired of all the jokes about him putting a hundred words into every minute.

We hear from our teams competing for the 400,000. Ricochet is going to lead his team to victory.
Lio: Captain?
Ricky: AH-HAAAAA
Mortos: Grunts (translation, I am the captain, you bald bitch!)

On the other side, the word of the day is Entreprenurial, says Mark Briscoe. What are you going to do with the money?
Will: I’m taking the Missus out on the town!
Mike: Some shoes!
Kevin: Going to Atlantic City, baby!
Mark: I’m going to diversify my portfolio!

I’M SO DED LMAO!

COMMERCIALS!

We’re back, as the guys talk about what has happened to this point. We get a recap/vignette of sorts, as we get words from Jamie Hayter and Billie Stark, along with Athena. Harley is here with Puppet Mone as she cuts off Mercedes Mone. Mone says let the best woman win. Puppet Mone says next time, let her do the talking! Gold, pure gold!

In the back, Renee Paquettewants a word with Hangman Page, but he doesn’t know who the wildcard is, and he doesn’t care. he is doing something anyway. He goes to Strickland’s locker room to confront him, but he finds Nana instead. He tells Nana to tell Strickland that if he gets in his way, he will pick up where he left off. Nana says he wants to tell Adam something, but Page cuts him off and says he doesn’t have the right.

SUSPENSE!

COMMERCIALS!

$400,000 EXPLOSIVE! 8-man tag team match: Ricochet, FRANK Mortos, and the CRU vs. Will Ospreay, Kevin Knight, Mark Briscoe, and Speedball Mike Bailey
Interesting that the heel team comes out as a unit, while Briscoe comes out on his own, and then the other guys come out to Will’s theme lol.

Bailey and Ricky will start off for their teams. It’s a fake out, as Ricky tags in FRANK instead lol. Bailey keeps Mortos off angle and hits a hurrincanrana from the top rope. Mortos tags Ricky, but he hits the floor instead. Rush and Ospreay in now. Andretti suckers Will in, so Lio can attack. Both members of the CRU attack Will. Okay, NOW Ricky wants in because Ospreay is prone lol. Will fights out of their corner, and we have an EXPLOSIVE! eight man stand off. The good guys have all the bad guys in the corner, and they do ten punches apiece.

Taz: That’s not ten punches, that forty punches.
Tony: Yeah, that’s good man.

Bailey kicks Ricochet, as everyone takes to the skies and hits their big moves. Bailey is the last one to take flight as he takes out the CRU and Ricky on the floor. The good guys take a minute to do a Turtle Power high five! Ricky thinks he is going to dive onto them, but the sea parts, and Ricky realizes he is in trouble. They beat him down as we go to PIP.

PIP PAP POP
-Best of the BBT? Just show Bernie and Penny all the time!
-Coors Lite = piss water!
-Does Kinder have ANY other commercials?
-Of all the Progressive commercials, we go this guy? No thanks.
-Sleep Number makes your bed cool/hot, and soft/firm easily!
-Capella, one of the million online schools!
-Deere Season! Well, if your weather isn’t bipolar as all hell lol.
-The future of the fight is on Saturday Night!

We’re back, as Bailey hits a running shooting star press on FRANK. Cover, two count. FRANK to his knees, Bailey with some round kicks, but FRANK is MAD! Lung blower from FRANK to Bailey. Ricky tags in, he takes his sweet time posing, he springboards into the ring and take’s Bailey’s teammates down. Bailey goes to the other corner and knocks his teammates down lol. What follows is everyone getting their shit in. Knight with a fantastic counter DDT on FRANK. He tries to fight off the CRU, but Rush with a springboard stunner, Andretti with the neckbreaker. Ospreay in, he takes out both members of the CRU. Ricky in and he shoves Will out of the ring. Bailey in, he misses his splash. DVD by Ricky for a two count. Ricky tags in FRANK as Briscoe does the Cactus Jack clothesline. FRANK growls as he keeps eating at Bailey’s kicks. Briscoe is back, they load the crane kick up and it confuses FRANK lol. Knight in he hits the splash from the top! Cover, everyone is in now to break it up! It’s down to Ospreay and FRANK, as Will hits the Hidden Blade to win it for his team!
WINNER: Will Ospreay, Kevin Knight, Nark Briscoe, and Speedball Mike Bailey
TIME: 12:00
THOUGHTS: To take nothing away from his teammates, but Ospreay is the favorite to win the Men’s Owen and he’s now richer from this match. What a time to be Billy Goat Bruv, and what a match this was!
RATING: ***3/4

We revisit Dynasty, where FTR pull the biggest unsurprising turn when they tried to murder Cope (Just Cope) dead. Excalibur says the injuries that he suffered at Dynasty has ruled him out indefinitely. No shit? Tony says that he has seen some horrible stuff, going back to the 80’s. Tony calls out FTR, even invoking the spirit of Dax’s daughter as they zoom in on Tony.

It’s time to celebrate though, as The Hurt Syndicate is here. You may recall that they defeated Big Bill and Bryan Keith at Dynasty, with some help from Maxwell Jacob Friedman at ring side, as he hit Big Bill with his Dynamite Diamond Ring.

MVP chants as he has a mic. Ladies and gentlemen of the AEW viewing audience, this is an official announcement from the Hurt Syndicate. Punks jump up to get beat down. Two more challengers stepped up, and two more challengers got beat down. So now, if you would be so kind, if you could join me and my collogues in a toast to another successful title defense. WE HURT PEOPLE chants as MJF is here now.

CUT MY MUSIC, CUT MY MUSIC!

MJF enters the ring and takes his place in the lineup next to Shelton LOL! MVP sighs, while Bobby does not look impressed. HE’S OUR SCUMBAG chants now. MJF doesn’t know if you heard, but they hurt people. Look at us, dripping in gold, you’re welcome by the way. Tony Khan wanted MJF to do the Owen Hart, why? To sweat his balls off, he isn’t a schmuck. He gets to cut the line and get that Triple B back, BABY! He scratches their back by helping them retain the titles because, WOLF, and they get to help little ole Max! How does the initiation process work?

Bobby: SHUT YOUR FREAKING MOUTH!

He didn’t see what happened at the time, but he saw Bill standing there and he speared him in half. He saw what he tried to do, that was cute, but it’s another reason that they don’t need them.

Bobby and MJF talk over one another until Shelton gets between them. MVP says give them a second. He knows Max and him go way back. But to join the Syndicate, you need three thumbs up. MVP is a lock; Bobby is not cool with it. Shelton?

THUMBS DOWN!

Bobby says THANK YOU as everyone but MVP leaves. He shrugs his shoulders at MJF and leaves with his guys.

Renee in the back with Megan Bayne and Penelope Ford. Ford says this loss doesn’t change anything. Storm may have won by fluke, but the women’s division will not move on. She will be at Collision…

Megan puts her hand up to cut Ford off and says she will make you bow down!

I uh, yes, ma’am!

COMMERCIALS!

We’re back with a look at the Women’s Owen bracket! Jamie and Billie will face off on Collision, as will Harley and Athena. But right now, we have TIMELESS Toni Storm (and Luther!) here for the next match!

Owen Hart Women’s Tourney Quarterfinals Match: Kris Statlander vs. Thunder Rosa
Rosa enters the ring with a Women’s Wrestling is Alive and Well sign, while Storm climbs over the announcers to take her seat at the table. She said she was going to move Mr. Tazmaniac’s car lol.

The bell rings and we are underway! Rosa and Statlander trade reversals, but Statlander runs over Rosa with a shoulder tackle.

Toni: If I was a team with Kris, we’d be Thunder Thighs. Tony Schiavone, if we were a team, we would just be called Tits.

I can’t even…🤣😂

Stalander whips Rosa but she goes up and over with an arm drag. Drop kick by Kris sends Rosa to the corner. She charges in with a back elbow. She’s caught a second time by Rosa, though. Rosa poses then tries to kick Statlander on the bottom rope, but she moves. Rosa tries again, get the kick this time. Rosa off the apron with a Lou Thesz Press. She rolls Statlander in and covers for a two count. DDT by Statlander as Rosa rolls to the floor as we have PIP break.

Clean that monocle, dear i8mypants!

We’re back as we get a close-up view of that awesome trophy. Statlander in a precarious position, as Rosa rips her from the corner and drops her on her face. Rosa off the ropes with a hurrincanrana! Northern Lights suplex for a two count. Statlander runs Rosa in the corner, Rosa to the top, but Kris catches her and hits a Blue Thunder Bomb! Cover for 2.8! THIS IS AWESOME chants. Stat picks up Rosa, but she fights out. Fire Driver is cut off by Kris. Stat has Rosa up in a Firewoman’s carry, but Rosa escapes. MEXICAN DESTROYER BY ROSA, BUT KRIS KICKS OUT AT 2.999999! Rosa off the ropes, Shinning Wizard! The cover, Kris kicks out at two! Kris talks some mad shit and slaps Kris. I feel like she’ll regret that. As if on cue, Kris hits a lariat and Saturday Night Fever for the win!
WINNER: Kris Statlander
TIME: 9:40
THOUGHTS: Really good match between two awesome wrestlers. They packed so much into their sub-10 minutes, and did some awesome stuff.
RATING: ***1/2

Statlander bows to Storm, while Toni applauds Kris as she stands on the announce table. Kris moves on to the semifinals, where she will draw the winner of the Starkz-Hayter match.

Don Calis, Konosuke Takeshita, and Kyle Fletcher in the back. All roads lead to a Take and Proto finals. Brody King did beat Lance Archer, but he won’t beat Fletcher. Look at these guys, they are young, jacked, in their 20’s, looking hot. They have a rash of injuries, so he is calling out people who want to join the family. Send them their pictures, their bank account information, and he will make them a star.

Adam Cole (BAYBAY) in the back with Kyle O’Reilly and Roddy Strong. Kyle says they have been chasing this moment since they got here. They will continue to chase moment after moment. Roddy says that speaking of moments, it is time they get their moment. Cole stands before you as the new TNT Champion and the face of AEW> This is not the end this is just the beginning. They are the Paragon of Professional Wrestling and that, is Undisputed.

Chris Jericho is here. We see the highlights from the Ring of Honor World Title match. I am the legendary Chris Jericho. But he is no longer the ROH Champion. On Sunday, he lost his match, he lost his tooth, and he lost his title. It is disappointing, he has to give credit where it is due, Bandido, you pulled it off. After months of conflict with one of the greatest wrestlers of all time, me, but he had the help of an intrusive sister and a stooge of a mother. He has his family, but so does Chris. Please welcome Bryan Keith and Big Bill.

Big Bill and Bryan Keith come down to the ring. Pretty cool that their trons were split on the back screen. You know, he was hoping that they all would have titles tonight. He was hoping they would win the AEW Tag Titles at Dynasty. But you didn’t, and that is why…

Bill stops Chris from talking and gets is own mic. He knows what you are going to say. He is angry, and he has every right to be. Bill’s angry, but he’s been getting really angry as of late. Keith tries to cut him off, but Bill says Chris needs to hear this. He has the utmost respect for Chris, he is one of the greatest of all-time and is one of the most decorated wrestlers ever. That is why he joined, he wanted to learn from you. BUT he did not sign up to be your punching bag when things go wrong. So, if we are out here so you can teach us something, by all means, teach. But we are out here so you can humiliate and berate us, let me know, and I can leave. And I know Bryan feels the same exact way.

Jericho approaches Keith. He asks do you. That is not why he brought them out here. He believes in them; he cares about both of you. He handpicked both of you to stand by them and teach them. They have potential, they are future champions. Their victories are his victories, and their losses are his losses. Bill wasn’t there when he lost his title. Some might say it is your fault Chris lost that match. But he’s not saying. He doesn’t believe that at all. It’s okay, he’s not angry, he’s just disappointed.

Jericho smacks the TV in the ring as he keeps saying he is disappointed. HE’S F-ING DISAPPOINTED! IN YOU! And until you change that, he thinks it is best that he leaves. He gets the GOODBYE chants as someone yells for him to suck on a maple leaf lol.

We go back to Dynasty Zero Hour, as Max Castor has his Open Challenge. Anthony Bowens made his return and beatdown his former tag team partner. Bowens says he is the 5-tool player with on goal: to prove them wrong.

Bowens will be in action on Collision, as he faces off with Blake Christian. Excalibur runs down the matches from Collision.

Alicia Atout in the back with The Hurt Syndicate. Bobby says they don’t need MJF, but Shelton says it is funny to see him in line with the team. Bobby and Shelton leave as MJF shows up. This is an A-B conversation so C your way out you skank. MJF asks if he is a female dog, because they are treating him like a bitch. MVP says that is your problem, you have to know how to handle business. You find your consumer, and then you give them what they don’t know that they need. He walks off, as MJF considers this.

The main event is next.

COMMERCIALS!

We’re back, as we see Jericho walking in the back. He sees a pallet of stuff and smacks it with his bat and then gets in the back of his vehicle. Okay?

Claudio’s awesome theme hits, and it is time for the main event!

Claudio Castagnoli and Wheeler Yuta vs. Samoa Joe and HOOK
We have six minutes left, so we either are getting a lot of overtime, or this will be short, like the other Death Rider matches have been. Joe and Yuta to start. Joe with wrist control, as Yuta flops around like a fish out of water. He gets to his feet and slaps Joe. He goes to the floor as the ref counts. He gets back in and tags Claudio. Big man match that I hope turns into a singles match someday. Joe with the jabs to Claudio and drops him in the corner. Enziguri from Joe, as he tags in HOOK. T-Bone attempt by HOOK, but Claudio sits down to stop that. He tags in Yuta, he goes for a missile drop kick, but HOOK has learned a lot from Joe as he steps aside and says NAH. Yuta with a German to Yuta. A second one. A third one. Joe tags in as he hammers on Yuta. HOOK back as he drops Yuta to the apron. Yuta tries to pull HOOK out of the ring, but HOOK kicks him away. It allows Claudio to hit a running double stomp as we hit our last PIP break.

PIP for your PIE:
-TBS Tuesday on the way for MLB!
-The Last of Us, of course, on Max.
-Martha loves dirt!
-People are good for you, and so is Jim Beam!
-Ghirardelli chocolate, the one I cannot spell!
-Sun Cruiser Vodka, with Tea!
-You got that much cheddar? I am cheddar!
-Be protected from Dean Cain, the human leaf blower!
-The Five-dollar Biggie Bag is unlimited!
-Almond Breeze is the obvious choice!

We’re back, as Yuta has HOOK isolated with a headlock on the mat. Hip drop by HOOK, but Yuta with an Angle Slam for a two count. Claudio in now as he talks that mad smack. HOOK tries to battle out of the wrong corner, but Claudio cuts that off and takes him to their corner. EXPLODER from HOOK! Claudio tags out, and Yuta takes Joe off the apron. Overhead Belly-to-Belly from HOOK, bot Joe is still on the floor. Claudio tags back in as he hits an uppercut to HOOK. Yuta tags in, off the top rope as Claudio has HOOK on his shoulders. Yuta with a clothesline. HOOK kicks out at two! Joe pulls out Claudio and they trade on the floor. Jon Moxley is here, as he distracts HOOK. Yuta bits the head of HOOK. Shibata is here to choke out Moxley! HOOK puts Red Rum on Yuta while Joe puts the Cucina Clutch on Claudio on the floor! Yuta taps out!
WINNER: Samoa Joe and HOOK
TIME: 11:40
THOUGHTS: Paint by the numbers match that helped to establish the Opps as a trio for the Trios’ Titles down the line. Not a bad match, but for my money, there were a couple others that could have filled this slot more admirably, but I guess the post-match stuff is why it was placed here.
RATING: ***

Post match the Opps celebrate, but Marina in the ring as she hits Joe in the back of the knee with a chair. The chair is set up in the middle of the ring feet up, and Claudio hits a Neutralizer on HOOK on the chair! Joe in the ring with a chair as the Death Riders scatter like cockroaches. Joe has a mic. DEATH RIDERS! You cowardly sons of bitches. The Opps came to Baltimore to get into a fist fight. And it seems like the Death Riders are a bunch of (CENSORED) riders. So, I say we make this really simply. The Opps versus the Death Riders, and we’re coming for the Trio’s championships!

Joe and Shibata help HOOK to his feet as they celebrate once more. And with that, we’re done!