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Hey kids! Tony’s on vacation, which is something I haven’t known anything about since my college days. He’ll be back here next week, and he’ll have a very special edition of the Raw Review featuring some of your favorite 411 Legends!

As for tonight’s Raw Legends Night, you’re stuck with me, Steve Cook. Whether I’m a legend or not is certainly up for debate, but there’s one thing I have in common with most of the people appearing tonight: I have a hard time staying awake through these three hour shows. Let’s see if I make it!

We open with Hulk Hogan describing the H Phone, which you can use all the social media websites on, and you can make a call on. Hulk asks us what we’re going to do, and flexes.

Miz TV

The Miz welcomes us to the most must-see talk show in the history of wrestling, Miz TV. It’s a special Legends Night, and Miz helpfully runs down the card for us. John Morrison tells us that Ric Flair, Torrie Wilson, Booker T, Hulk Hogan are here, along with the biggest legend of them all, The Miz! Miz is feeling optimistic about 2021, as WWE management came to its senses and restored the MITB briefcase to him. Morrison is optimistic that it will be their year. They introduce Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods of The New Day. Apparently they have a talk show of their own, entitled New Day Talks! Catchy theme song. Kofi says he’s the host, Xavier is the bandleader, and this is going to be the best show. Xavier says they brought the good tea, beef & working smellovision. Lots of people saying “correct”. Miz would like to conduct the interview, and he sees this stunt as practice for when Xavier bombs on G4. Xavier is also the baliff of New Day Talks. Kofi has cue cards. He asks Miz if he has any New Year’s Resolutions. Morrison has three, including a fancy picture montage. Kofi asks which legend they would like to go out to dinner with. Morrison responds with Tatanka, but Miz is having none of this.

We have a cooking portion of the show! Xavier has produced a chef’s hat, but Miz is ready to poop on the party. He was hoping people would take him & Morrison seriously this year, but he’s cut off by Teddy Long! He’s got the perfect solution for this problem…Miz & Morrison will face THE UNDERTAKER! Adam Pearce taps Teddy on the shoulder and informs him that can’t happen. Teddy pivots and books Miz & Morrison against the New Day! Teddy dances us to commercial.

Tag Team Match, Playa: Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods vs. The Miz & John Morrison: Morrison & Woods start, Woods with a quick rollup, chop in the corner, tag to Kofi, double bulldog to a kneeling Morrison gets 2. Kicks, twisting splash, elbow by Xavier gets 2. Running knee by Morrison, and Miz tags in. Miz takes the advantage as I wonder how many times Samoa Joe will say “protocol” during this match. Kofi back in, works the headlock on Miz. Miz works out, shoulderblock followed by his chant, leapfrogs by Kofi, they go for their finishers, both miss, Kofi with a twisting crossbody for two. Xavier tags back in, funky stomp gets two. Back to the headlock! Miz reverses, Morrison makes the blind tag, but misses the standing shooting star. Low dropkick by Kofi gets 2. Monkey flip is unsuccessful, Kofi twerks prior to a dropkick, monkey flip works on Morrison. Kofi with a…dive onto Miz & Morrison! Xavier plays the trombone as we go to commercial.

We return and Kofi is working Morrison over in the ring. Miz with THE DISTRACTION and Morrison capitalizes. Big kick to the noggin, Miz tags in and Morrison continues delivering punishment from the apron. Chinlock time for Morrison, Kofi fights out, but he’s sent into the corner and Miz delivers his clothesline in the corner gimmick for two. Miz works the back & shoulders with a move I always forget the name of, Kofi reverses it, but can’t make it to the corner for a tag. Miz’s Figure 4 attempt is blocked, Kofi hits the SOS and it’s time to make that tag! Xavier is a house of fire on Morrison. Miz tossed outside. Big elbow strike by Morrison though, Xavier with one of his own. Misses on the ropes, Miz taken out outside, Morrison’s attempt to cheat is foiled. Shining wizard from Woods, and that’s it!

Winners: Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods
Match Rating: ***1/4

Pretty solid tag team action here, and Miz is back in the poor mood we’re accustomed to him being in.

Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton & Samoa Joe invite us to re-view what happened at the end of last week’s show. In case you missed it, Alexa Bliss poured gasoline on herself. I know some of you yearn for the days when Divas were frequently covered in various substances, but I doubt this was what anybody had in mind.

Charly Caruso asks Randy Orton what was going through his mind. The voices were telling him to let her burn. He couldn’t do it, and it’s because when he faced the Fiend, something changed. He showed Alexa Bliss restraint and compassion, and he hates himself for it. He can mold and sculpt that hate, and he can be capable of anything and anything. Can you imagine if he directed that newfound hate for himself towards someone else? He doesn’t want to talk about the Fiend, he wants to take a walk, have a talk with some Legends and remind them why he is the Legend Killer.

TikTok New Year’s Eve Party featured R-Truth getting beat for the 24/7 Championship by Angel Garza! Kofi & Xavier were shocked.

Angel Garza is backstage with Alicia Fox. The 24/7 Championship isn’t the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. Next, he bumps into Sgt. Slaughter, Tatanka & Mickie James. He offers Mickie a rose, Slaughter takes it and calls him a maggot. How rude!

AJ Styles (w/Omos) vs. Elias (w/Jaxon Ryker): So is AJ supposed to be a good guy now? His main beefs seem to be with Miz & Elias, who are both obviously bad people. They seem to have forgotten the part where AJ needs to endear himself to the public. Maybe we just like heel vs. heel feuds these days, I dunno. Right to the headlock by Styles, back suplex by Elias, but AJ hangs on to that headlock. Big elbow by Elias, works Styles over in the corner. Clothesline sends Styles down, but AJ fights back. Chop in tribute to his former mentor Ric Flair, obviously. Hot shot by Elias, gorilla press onto the top turnbuckle! Styles sent outside to the feet of Omos as we go to commercial.

Am I the only one who thinks the nacho fries commercial isn’t that scary?

Omos has removed his jacket, which shows that he means business while AJ sits on the top turnbuckle and exchanges shots with Elias. AJ slips out of the predicament, now they exchange shots in the middle of the ring. Chokeslam Side Effect by Elias gets two. Apparently Ryker uses that move, I had absolutely no idea. Elias tries to go up top, AJ rolls to the other side of the ring. He sets up, tries a Phenomenal Forearm but flies right into Elias’s knee for a two count. AJ fights back, brainbustaaaa. Sets up for the Styles Clash, hits it! Three count!

Winner: AJ Styles
Match Rating: ***

Ryker tries to smash the guitar on AJ’s back, Omos interjects himself with a kick to the guitar! Yikes!

INCREDIBLE! 😲😲😲#WWERaw pic.twitter.com/QMKWxkpGVB

— WWE (@WWE) January 5, 2021

Sarah Schriber interviewed Charlotte Flair earlier today, who announced her entry into this year’s Royal Rumble after winning last year’s.

Ric & Charlotte Flair enter prior to a commercial, and one can’t help but go “awwwww” when seeing how obviously proud Ric is of his daughter.

Riddle pitches a “Big Bro” idea to Big Show. Randy Orton says it must be an interesting feeling knowing he can never step in that ring again. Apparently that RKO & punt ended Show’s career. Show claims that Randy’s not in his head, and he’s proud to be with the Legends. Randy says that Show doesn’t have the guts to do anything about it.

WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions Charlotte Flair & Asuka (w/Ric Flair) vs. Peyton Royce & Lacey Evans: In a pre-match promo, Peyton compared Charlotte & Asuka to Serena & Venus Williams. Lacey says it’s a chance for current legends to meet some future legends. Sure! Charlotte & Peyton face off, Peyton gets taken down and tags right out. Lacey does a little bit better, actually getting an offensive move in. Lacey runs around, confusing Charlotte & Peyton takes advantage. Flair flip in the corner, but Peyton strikes Charlotte down, strikes Asuka in the corner. Apparently Lacey was a little too friendly with the Naitch earlier today, to the surprise of nobody involved. Asuka tags in and lays waste to both of her opponents. Lacey flirts with Ric on the outside, Ric is all about it, and Charlotte is decidedly not! All heck breaks loose as we go to commercial.

Asuka getting doubleteamed in the corner as we return. Peyton looks pretty happy about it as I lose my train of thought. Lacey tags in and applies a modified crossface chickenwing, but gives up on that and smashes Asuka’s face into the canvas. Asuka clothelines Peyton down, and tags are made to Charlotte & Lacey. Charlotte cleans house and works the knee of Evans. Chops! Lacey makes the tag to Peyton, they both get suplexed by Charlotte, moonsault! Asuka with the kick for a two count. Double knees followed by a not so good looking Natural Selection. Things have completely broken down. Lacey grabbing Ric by the tie, Charlotte kicks her away. This all ends up in Ric accidentally tripping Charlotte and Peyton crucifixing her for the three count!

Winners: Peyton Royce & Lacey Evans
Match Rating: **1/4

Felt a little off to me, especially towards the end. Plenty of drama though, including Ric getting kissed by Lacey afterwards.

Charlotte asks Ric to stay out of her business again. Ric somehow leaves without crying, which is a minor upset.

Drew McIntyre & Sheamus talk backstage. Sheamus would like Drew to give Keith Lee an extra kick in the head for him. Hulk Hogan & Jimmy Hart emerge. Hulk is Sheamus’s #1 fan, brother! He wishes Drew all the luck in the world, and talks about how proud he is of how he’s carried the flag during these crazy times. Drew reminds Hulk a lot of Hulk. Drew wonders if Sheamus reminds Hulk of Jimmy. Sheamus doesn’t seem to be a fan of Jimmy. Drew & Hulk ask Keith Lee what he’s gonna do.

Riddle vs. WWE United States Champion Bobby Lashley (w/MVP): Slow motion replay of Riddle kicking his flipflops off is a thing now I’ve not noticed before. Riddle attacks from behind before the bell. How babyface of him! The bell rings, and Riddle targets the shoulder, but Lashley slams him down. Riddle tries a hanging triangle choke, Lashley flips out of the ring. Lashley grabs ahold of Riddle and rams him side-first into the ringpost as we go to commercial.

Lashley working Riddle over in the ring, trying to pry Riddle’s head off of his neck. Riddle fights back, but Lashley with a couple of big shots. Riddle looking pretty good at not knowing where he is. Headfirst into the turnbuckle. Lashley misses in the corner, but Riddle is too out of it to take advantage. Lashley back on the offense. Riddle fights back with an overhead kick. Kip up, Riddle tries an exploder, misses, but Lashley’s Dominator doesn’t work either. Couple of big shots from Riddle, but Lashley kicking out at one. Riddle up top, Lashley stops him after MVP distracts him, and hits the Dominator. Probably could cover, but Lashley opts to lock in the Hurtlock. Riddle trying to fight out, taps out but the ref didn’t see it? Ah, he had to avoid Riddle trying to kick his way out. Riddle takes advantage of the confusion and rolls up Lashley for a three count.

Winner: Riddle
Match Rating: **1/2

Riddle working his way into title contention, and the story here is that you have to outsmart Lashley to have a chance against him. I’m not sure if it really works with the characters involved.

Mark Henry with one of those kneeling scooter gimmicks is next to speak with Randy Orton. Randy informs Mark that he’s entering the 2021 Royal Rumble match, and is wondering if Mark will as well. Apparently Mark’s knee won’t allow that. Randy wonders how fast that scooter goes, and Mark says “hopefully fast enough for me to get away from your ass”. Randy wanted to talk about the old days, and notes that he owes Mark a lot of receipts. He’ll give Mark a pass if he pedals his ass on out of here. Randy yells him out of the building.

In fairness to Randy, Mark did beat him up a lot back in the day. A. Lot.

Charly wants MVP to elaborate on what happened. What happened was a travesty. Riddle quit. Lashley says it’s ok, he’s going to punish his punk ass.

Mandy Rose vs. Shayna Baszler: We can’t even get through the recap of last week’s event before Shayna assaults Mandy on the entranceway. Dana Brooke comes out and says she’ll take on Shayna instead. OK then.

Dana Brooke vs. Shayna Baszler: Dana tosses Shayna outside, and tries something else. Shayna turns it into the barracuda clutch, but Dana works it into a three count.

Winner: Dana Brooke
Match Rating: N/A

Dana & Mandy dump Shayna outside. Revenge! This was certainly something that happened.

Ric is backstage with I.R.S. & Molly Holly, who both quickly exit when Randy Orton appears. Ric says he’ll never walk that aisle with him again. Randy says that Ric was the dirtiest player in the game, and now, his daughter is ten times the competitor he ever was. Randy sees a man that looks & talks like Ric Flair, but he’s not the man that taught Randy everything he knows. He’s a pathetic old man.

…so I.R.S. doesn’t want a word with the man that burned his son alive? OK then.

The announcers show us how Keith Lee earned his title match tonight, by beating Sheamus.

Riddle gives Keith Lee some good luck & a pep talk. Keith doesn’t look like he needs the motivation.

Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy: Randy’s entrance goes so long we get well past the guitar solo in his song. I guess he was bequeathed the overly long entrance by Undertaker. Hardy has bodypaint on his upper chest & neck paying homage to the Legends. A thumb to the eye is one thing Flair taught Orton, and Orton utilizes one to gain the advantage on Hardy. Tosses Jeff outside and smashes his head repeatedly on the table. Suplex on the table! Back in the ring, cover gets two. Orton works over the fingers of Jeff like he’s Pete Dunne or something. Hardy fights back briefly before falling victim to the Orton Stomp. CHINLOCK. Hardy fights out with a neckbreaker and heads up top…nah, Randy rolls outside. Body press to the floor by Hardy as we go to commercial.

We return, and Orton is targeting the ears of Jeff Hardy again. It was gross twenty years ago when he did it the first time, and it’s gross now. Why are we showing a replay, Kevin Dunn? Back to the chinlock as some weird crowd noise rallies Hardy. Hardy with a jawbreaker, avoids the draping DDT and hits some vintage Jeff Hardy offense. Whisper in the Wind gets two. Liver kick by Hardy, dropkick to the outside. Back in the ring, Jeff goes up top…nope, Orton rolling to the other side of the ring. Now Orton’s firing back, hits that draping DDT. He’s visiting that place. Hardy with a quick rollup, goes for the Twist of Fate, but the RKO OUTTA NOWHERE finishes it off.

Winner: Randy Orton
Match Rating: ***

Some ups & downs here, but solid action as you’d expect from these two.

Lucha House Party meets Melina, who knows the Lucha chant. Good for them!

WWE Raw Tag Team Champions Cedric Alexander & Shelton Benjamin (w/MVP) vs. Lucha House Party (Lince Dorado & Gran Metallik): MVP joins the commentators. The LHP promises to show us what Lucha Lit is all about in a pre-recorded promo. Metallik & Shelton start, with Shelton on the business end of some lucha offense until Gran flips his way to a powerbomb. Cedric comes in and takes charge of things. Lince tags in and gets taken care of as well, while MVP calls Cedric his “pitbull”. Lince with a Lethal Injection stunner. Cedric tags Shelton, Shelton with a big knee. Cedric tags himself back in, Shelton tags himself back in, and they’re having some words. Lince takes advantage, twists into a crucifix pin on Shelton!

Winners: Lucha House Party
Match Rating: N/A

Not quite long enough to rank, but we’re seeing a story develop between Shelton & Cedric. MVP insists that they will win as a team. Cedric doesn’t seem down with that and walks off.

Torrie Wilson & Nikki Cross have a conversation broken up by Angel Garza, who offers Torrie a rose. Torrie sends Angel on a hunt for Cardi B, but the room actually contains the Boogeyman. Angel runs off, and runs into a rollup by R-Truth! We’ve got a new 24/7 Champion! You can guess what <b.Ron Simmons has to say about it…DAMN!

WWE Championship Match: Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Keith Lee: Drew opts to make his entrance first, which he has the right to do as champion. Many think that the champion automatically enters last, and they get hot & bothered when that doesn’t happen, but the stipulation is that the champion gets to pick when they enter. True story, look it up! The Legends appear on the ramp to watch the match, and they applaud as Keith Lee walks by. Ric Flair next to Torrie Wilson because of course he is.

Tieup into the corner, bit of a stalemate. Another one leads to a shove from Drew, and he works the cravate. Lee tosses him out of it, double shoulderblock. Lee slips on a leapfrog, but recovers to gain the advantage. Keith, you don’t need to tell Drew this is a championship match. He knows. Lee with a big forearm sends McIntyre outside. Cricket getting their money’s worth on that replay. Drew regains the advantage, big stomp to the face. Clothesline over the top by Lee, who follows McIntyre outside. Pounce over the barricade! That’s how one goes to a commercial.

Drew favoring the ribs as we return, and Keith taking advantage in the corner. Drew tries to kick back, but Keith hits a big shot to the gut and sends Drew down. Big slam gets two. Hey, a bodyslam wouldn’t be the lamest move to ever have won a championship on January 4th. Lee misses in the corner, and McIntyre fights back. Belly to belly? Nope. Drew still going for it…still not happening. He gets it on the third time! Neckbreaker, and now Drew’s kinda feeling it. Ribs still causing some problems, but he’s going for the Claymore, misses, sunset flip by Drew gets two. Chokeslam by Lee gets a two count. Drew rolls outside to get a breather. Lee on the apron, pauses to argue with the referee, Drew grabs Keith and powerbombs him into the announce table! We go to commercial!

Drew with a single axehandle off the top rope gets a two count as we return. Big clothesline from Lee gets a two count and gets him back into it. Goes for a clothesline, Drew goes for a backslide, which seems like a bad idea to me. Lee powers out, Drew turns it into the Futureshock DDT and a two count! Drew up top, Keith meets him up there. He’s standing on the top rope…C-4 OFF THE TOP! Only two! Somehow Lee didn’t bounce off his head on that one, but he’s looking gassed as he tries a Spirit Bomb and fails. Drew with the spinebuster and two count. Keith catches the Claymore, goes for the Spirit Bomb, Drew gets out, off the ropes, there’s the Claymore! That gets the three count!

Winner: Drew McIntyre
Match Rating: ****

Before we can break this down too much, Goldberg appears and walks down to the ring! Drew offers a handshake, Bill wants the microphone. He was in the back and thinking that there couldn’t be a better representative to be WWE Champion. Drew’s got it all, but the one thing he doesn’t have…is respect! Apparently Drew thinks he’s above all these Legends, and thinks none of them pose a threat to him. Bill says Drew is wrong. Bill says he’s out here to challenge Drew to a match at the Royal Rumble. Drew says that he’s all about respect, but fighting Goldberg would be like fighting his old dad, mate! Drew’s music hits, Goldberg shoves Drew down, and we’re right into Straight Up With Steve Austin!

Damn, if only the show had ended after that match!

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