Kevin’s Random Reviews: WWE Elimination Chamber 2013

WWE Elimination Chamber 2013
February 17th, 2013 | New Orleans Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana | Attendance: 13,000

On the road to, “Twice in a Lifetime,” the WWE had to stop at Elimination Chamber. John Cena won the Royal Rumble to set up the rematch with WWE Champion The Rock, so the World Heavyweight Title picture had to be sorted out, leading us to the Elimination Chamber. This would be the fourth Elimination Chamber Pay-Per-View.

Kickoff Match: Brodus Clay and Tensai w/ The Funkadactyls vs. Team Rhodes Scholars
Tensai was uneasy about teaming with Brodus. He wore a beret during their entrance as this was pre-Tons of Funk. They began teaming after Tensai participated in a dance contest with Brodus last month. The big fellas overpowered Rhodes and Sandow from the start. Team Rhodes Scholars worked together to take Tensai down into a short heat segment. Brodus got the hot tag and cleaned house. He and Tensai used stereo splashes to pick up the win in 4:07. Very basic tag that was just used to pop the kids with the dancing duo. [*]

The official PPV opened with a video package hyping the dangers of the Elimination Chamber. It shifted to focusing on the Shield vs. John Cena, Ryback and Sheamus, before finally ending on the Rock/CM Punk rivalry. The commentary team for the show was Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and JBL.

World Heavyweight Championship: Alberto Del Rio [c] w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Big Show
In early January, Del Rio won the World Title from Show in a Last Man Standing match. He beat him again at the Royal Rumble, yet hadn’t pinned Show. Del Rio with no pyro or car lost a lot of his luster. Show used his power, while Del Rio chopped him down to size with kicks. Show’s Vader Bomb looked like shit. He clearly hits with his knees first. Del Rio also showed off his more athletic side, busting out a flying seated senton. Show delivered the Chokeslam for a near fall that the fans bit on. Del Rio continued to find desperation counters, and came close with an enziguri. Show powered out of another Cross Armbreaker into a powerbomb. Ricardo got on the apron with his bucket. Show knocked him off and got the bucket, but Del Rio kicked it into his head. Another enziguri got Show to his knees, where Del Rio applied the Cross Armbreaker again. Show fought to reach the ropes, but couldn’t and tapped out at 13:14. These two had way better chemistry than they had any right to. The first two matches were better, but this was a solid way to finish. The crowd was into it and the near falls were good. My major gripe was that the story was about Del Rio never pinning Show and then it ended via submission. I know submissions are better, it’s just odd. They should’ve built it as ADR never did either, instead of just pin. [***]

WWE United States Championship: Antonio Cesaro [c] vs. The Miz
Miz had his left shoulder taped from being swung into the guardrail on Raw. Commentary hyped it as a showcase of Cesaro’s strength, but he was just scratching the surface of power displays. Any good start for Miz was thwarted by a shoulder breaker. Cesaro kept the focus on the shoulder. He cut off all Miz’s comeback attempts with it. Miz tried a double axe handle, only to get caught in an armbar. When Miz finally got something going, he attacked the knee. It made sense to cut Cesaro down and set up his Figure Four. As Cesaro fought off the Figure Four, Miz was tripped and landed on Cesaro’s groin for a low blow. Referee Charles Robinson was unsure of what happened and called for a DQ at 8:21. Weak finish to an otherwise solid match. The psychology was good, though Miz was never a good sympathetic babyface, which took away from things. That finish fell flat and the crowd was confused. [**½]

Post-match, a frustrated Miz punted Cesaro low for good measure.

Backstage, Team Hell No discussed the Elimination Chamber. Kane wanted to win because he’s been in WWE for fifteen years and never main evented WrestleMania. Dude, the World Title isn’t main eventing. Anyway, Daniel Bryan suggested they work together until they’re the final two. Kane said Bryan could watch his back and he’d watch his own.

Number One Contender’s Elimination Chamber Match: Chris Jericho vs. WWE Tag Team Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Colter vs. WWE Tag Team Champion Kane vs. Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton
The Elimination Chamber video package was well done, as always. This marked the debut of the “Real American” theme. Jericho and Bryan started the match. Commentary made a good note about Jericho eliminating the most men in Chamber history. Their back and forth was quite fun, though unspectacular. Swagger joined in next. He beat up Jericho quickly, before focusing on Bryan. The crowd was firmly behind Jericho at this point. In the coolest spot so far, Bryan caught Swagger with a knee off the top. Kane joined the fray and worked together with his partner. Bryan rolled him up for two, playing off their issues from the Royal Rumble. They did their “YES/NO” thing, before a shoving match led to a fight. Bryan did win this match last year. In a nice twist, Kane worked together with Jericho to hit a Doomsday Device on Bryan. Orton came in next, hitting everything that moved. He and Bryan hit superplexes almost simultaneously at one point. Everyone was down as Henry exited his pod. World’s Strongest Slam on Bryan eliminated him at 16:36. Henry then threw Orton through one of the pods, before going at it with Kane. He caught a leaping Kane with a World’s Strongest Slam to send him home at 18:22. THATSWHATIDO! Jericho and Swagger worked together to double suplex Henry on the steel, but he came back and beat them up. He missed a double Vader Bomb, before eating a big boot, Codebreaker and RKO to get eliminated at 23:20. Look at Orton taking all the credit after sitting on his ass for a while. Henry got a nice ovation on his way out, so he turned around and EVERYONE got a World’s Strongest Slam. THATSWHATIDO! When they all got up, they eventually all went for their finishers. Swagger’s ankle lock was broken up, as was the Walls of Jericho. Orton and Jericho had an exchange that led to Orton getting rid of him via RKO at 31:13. Swagger then rolled Orton up to win in 31:17. That was very good. The first half or so was solid, but it picked up after Kane came in. He and Bryan were a riot together. It got really good after Henry joined in, though I hate that finish. It’s overdone and Swagger didn’t come off looking like a guy who should be in a Mania title match. [***¾]

John Cena, Ryback and Sheamus vs. The Shield
This didn’t have the greatest backstory to it, but it should be hella fun. The faces gave the Shield a taste of their own medicine with an early assault. It led to triple stalling vertical suplexes for a cool visual. Things calmed down into a normal tag, with Sheamus getting worked over. Sheamus exploded out of the corner with a Brogue Kick that Dean sold wonderfully. Tag to Cena for the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM! It got cut off before the AA and Cena played the new face in peril. This segment was much longer than Sheamus’. The Shield looked like a well-oiled machine in their decimation of Cena. Ryback finally got the hot tag and did his thing. I was never a big Ryback fan, but he was red hot and should’ve won the 2013 Rumble. He threw Seth and Dean around like they weighed nothing. Sheamus and Reigns got into it outside, leading to Reigns Spearing him through the barricade. That spot hadn’t been overdone yet, so it was still cool. Cena saved Ryback from a Triple Powerbomb, by pulling Reigns outside. Cena hit Dean with the AA, while Ryback went for the Shellshock on Seth. Reigns returned and Speared Ryback, with Seth landing on him for the three count at 14:48. The Shield could do no wrong. Some of the heat segments weren’t too exciting, though the Shield were great when doing the offense that makes them special. The finishing stretch was a blast. The Shield were booked like big deals, which is part of why they were so successful, even after the split. This was booked very well, with the story being that the face team was stronger as individuals, but the Shield were a team that couldn’t be stopped. [***½]

Mr. Money in the Bank, Dolph Ziggler, came out with AJ Lee and Big E Langston. I loved that trio. He complained about not being on the card and said his briefcase guaranteed the World Title, not what Jack Swagger did earlier. He bragged about stealing the show regularly until Smackdown GM Booker T interrupted. As punishment, he booked Dolph against Kofi Kingston.

Dolph Ziggler w/ AJ Lee and Big E Langston vs. Kofi Kingston
Is the punishment making us watch this match for the thousandth time? Since they’ve met so much, they managed to cram a lot into a shot time. There were a few quick exchanges to start, before a short slowdown. Kofi went for a tope suicida, but Big E stepped in to take most of it. AJ slapped Kofi, yet he still caught Dolph with Trouble in Paradise. Big E had to pull Dolph to safety. Kofi took him out with a plancha, before getting crotched up top. Dolph hit a gordbuster onto the top turnbuckle and the Zig Zag to win in 3:55. Like Swagger earlier, this didn’t do anything to give me confidence in Dolph. He needed a lot of help to beat a midcarder in an impromptu match. The action was fine, though rather pointless. [**]

Big E, in a singlet way too small for him, returned to the ring to destroy Kofi Kingston. NEW DAY ROCKS.

Backstage, the future Tons of Funk played with action figures. Tensai admitted he wasn’t sure what the words on his face said, claiming it could be a sushi menu. They all danced. It was odd.

WWE Divas Championship: Kaitlyn [c] vs. Tamina Snuka
Apparently, this match got built on WWE Active, solely on the WWE app. Way to show how little you care about a division. Random Divas watched on a monitor backstage and it looked totally unnatural. They did some insignificant stuff in the ring, before Kaitlyn was thrown into the ring post. Tamina added a big boot, but missed the Superfly Splash. Kaitlyn scored with a Spear to retain in 3:17. While it wasn’t good, it managed to avoid being flat out bad. Inoffensive. [*]

WWE Championship: The Rock [c] vs. CM Punk w/ Paul Heyman
It’s the Rock’s first WWE Title defense since SummerSlam 2002. If he gets disqualified or counted out, he loses the title, removing his championship advantage. Punk also had possession of the WWE Title. There was a slow pace to start this one. Punk kept getting the upper hand on Rock, but made the mistake of spitting at him. Rock fired up and beat him up outside. It was a smart strategy to force Rock to get himself DQed. As Punk took control in the ring, the crowd quieted significantly. The fight eventually moved back outside, where Punk hit a Rock Bottom on the announce table. He slid inside to try and steal the title via countout, but Rock just barely beat the count. Punk beat on him, even stopping to blow a kiss to Rock’s mom. Rock rallied inside, shifting the momentum. Punk springboarded into the Rock Bottom for a close near fall. Heyman shouted, “YOU KICKED OUT OF THE ROCK BOTTOM! THIS IS YOUR TIME!” Heyman’s so great. Following a ref bump, Punk hit the GTS and got the visual win. A new ref arrived just in time for Punk to kick out of a People’s Elbow that the fans bought as the finish. The new official hurt his ankle when Punk rolled on him, so Punk had Heyman get the title. Rock ducked the shot and Heyman got hit instead. A Rock Bottom later, at 20:54, and we were officially on the road to “Twice in a Lifetime.” Like the Royal Rumble match, this was very good. I loved Punk trying to get Rock DQed and trying to win via countout. The finish was overbooked, but I think it worked to serve Punk’s feeling that he was still the rightful champion. For the most part, the crowd was heavily into it and it featured some good drama. [***½]

7.5

The final score: review Good

The 411

I found this to be a better show than expected. It was my first time seeing the entire thing and it was a very easy watch. The only things on the show that weren’t good (Kaitlyn/Tamina and the Kickoff match) were both kept short. If the only flat out lame things on your show last less than ten minutes, you’re doing something right. There are no standout classics, but the Elimination Chamber match was very good. The Shield tag and Punk/Rock both delivered highly entertaining matches, while Cesaro/Miz and Del Rio/Show provided a strong way for the show to start.