On the Marc Reviews: 2007 Royal Rumble

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AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas; January 28, 2007

Commentators: Raw, Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler SmackDown, Michael Cole and John “Bradshaw” Layfield ECW, Joey Styles and Tazz

This is the first Royal Rumble to include all three brands under the WWE umbrella.

The Hardys vs. MNM (w/Melina) inter-promotional match: Both teams have been brand-separated for quite a while; highlights of Joey Mercury’s face being destroyed at Armageddon in the ladder match are shown, so Mercury has a protective mask on. Jeff Hardy is the current Intercontinental Champion. Johnny Nitro and Matt Hardy; Mercury tags in and works on the injured jaw of Matt; MNM dropped Matt on the concrete with a Snapshot on SmackDown leading up to this match. MNM quick tag on Matt; Jeff eventually comes in via a slingshot over the top rope. MNM quickly isolate Jeff as well. Jeff comes back with an inverted atomic drop and a split legdrop. Matt and Jeff hit their usual tandem moves and Matt vertical suplexes Mercury and follows up with a swinging neckbreaker. Nitro nails Matt’s injured jaw to get the advantage; Mercury hurts his hand with a shot to Matt’s jaw. MNM continue to dominate Matt. Mercury kicks Matt’s jaw while he is hung on the ropes while the referee is distracted. MNM add a double facebuster. Mercury continues his aggression towards Matt’s jaw via a STIFF short clothesline. Mercury applies a side headlock, Matt fights up but a pull of the hair puts him back down, Mercury misses a second-rope splash. Double tags are made and Jeff drops Nitro with a face first sit-out suplex; Whisper in the Wind allows all hell to break loose and the Hardys double suplex Nitro. Matt and Jeff try the top-rope splash/legdrop combo but Nitro gets his knees up countering Jeff but Matt still lands the legdrop. Mercury tags in and works on the wounded ribs of Jeff Hardy. Now, MNM isolate Jeff in the corner and work on his ribs. MNM hit tandem legdrops for two. Jeff gets a fluke roll up for two on Mercury and MNM drop Jeff into a double stomach breaker. Nitro applies a rear naked choke on Jeff; Hardy elbows out and Nitro front facelocks him away from Matt. Jeff backdrops but Mercury distracts the referee so he misses, and therefore does not allow, the tag. MNM drag Jeff back to their corner for more double teams. Mercury holds Jeff in the corner for a corner leg lariat from Nitro but Hardy pushes MNM together and then still has to mule kick away from Nitro to FINALLY tag Matt, who cleans house. Backdrops and elbows follow; Matt combination bulldog/clotheslines MNM and gets a two on Nitro. MNM try the Snapshot but Jeff breaks it up. The Hardys team up for a Poetry in Motion on Mercury; they try it on Nitro but he submarines under the leaping Jeff and half-nelson rolls up Matt… for two! Matt Twist of Fates Nitro; Mercury takes Matt out through the ropes right by Jeff who blind tags and drops a Swanton Bomb for three. 7/10 Fun classic style tag match that has been lost during this time period due to tag teaming rapidly becoming a lost art. The lack of regular teams, that last longer than a year or so before they break up for singles careers, also has hurt the art of the tag team as well.

In the GM drawing room SmackDown GM Teddy Long and Raw representative Jonathan Coachman argue over brand supremacy. Edge jokingly elbows the Rumble tumbler, makes fun of Kelly Kelly and then draws his number; Rated RKO tag partner Randy Orton shows up draws his number. Edge asks “Show me yours and I’ll show you mine”. Then, King Booker arrives with Queen Sharmell, and asks them if they really didn’t just say that.

A WrestleMania 23 (full review, click here) “All Grown Up” commercial airs.

ECW World Title Bobby Lashley vs. Test: A lot of people complained that they gave this match away for free on ECW television the week prior and that it would hurt the Rumble; I counter with who is paying $45 just for Bobby Lashley versus Test? They lock up and push each other around. They wind up in the corner where Test slaps Lashley; bad move, Lashley explodes out of the corner with a spear. Test retains the advantage using a choke on the ropes. Lashley reverses a whip but charges right into Test’s boot in the corner. I get the storyline of the match; Lashley is the powerful youngster and Test is the devious veteran whose major advantage is his ability to counter the rookie. Test, however, charges into a T-Bone suplex followed up by a long delayed vertical suplex. Test, the veteran, rolls out to break the momentum; Lashley follows him to break up the attempted momentum shift. Test uses his smarts again to shoulderblock Lashley while he is on the apron then tosses him into the steel post, knocking him back to the floor. Back in the ring, Test gets two; armbar applied by Test. Tazz refers to Lashley as “soft spoken” on commentary which is WWE code for “can’t cut a promo”. Meanwhile, Lashley breaks out of the armbar but Test remains on top with a shoulder stunner segueing back to the armbar. Lashley powers out again and backdrops Test; corner clotheslines Test (with the good arm) and begins to repeatedly shoulderblock him. Lashley botches a press-slam… or the bad shoulder gave out. Test uses the distraction to CLOBBER Lashley with the running big boot… for two! Test is exasperated. Test goes to Plan B, the Test Grade but Lashley counters into a belly-to-belly suplex and clotheslines Test to the floor. Test just walks off to a chorus of boos and takes the count out. Post-match Lashley returns him to the ring and continues the beat down and running powerslams him. 2/10 Good story to the match; awful execution. The ending was dreadful, too. I KNOW Vince is (was) dying to push Lashley to the moon on looks alone; but he was tentative. Put the ECW belt on him… fine, but making his first big title defense at a major PPV against Test was bad since Test was also a Vince-like person. In reality they should have built someone smaller whom Lashley could kill to get him more over.

A doctor checks out John Cena’s abdominal injury; Vince McMahon arrives to taunt him… because he has to fuck with all major babyface champions.

World Heavyweight Championship Batista vs. Mr. Kennedy: Ken Kennedy won a “beat the clock” challenge to get this spot including interfering in the Undertaker’s beat the clock match to preserve his top time. I miss JBL’s excellent commentary. Kennedy stares at the belt as referee Nick Patrick presents it to the crowd. Batista powers out of a few collar-and-elbow tie-ups to establish his strength. Batista forces him in the corner but an eye poke gets the advantage; Batista boots him back down and lands a vertical suplex. On the floor, Kennedy pushes Batista into the steps, injuring his leg a little bit, but Batista shrugs it off and continues to dominate until Kennedy basement dropkicks the knee. Kennedy begins to work over the knee as JBL abuses Michael Cole on commentary. Kennedy applies an inverted figure-four leglock until the referee catches him using the ropes for leverage. Kennedy breaks the hold on Patrick’s four count; Kennedy is bleeding from the nose. Kennedy hits a knee-wash in the corner for two. Mr. Kennedy applies a half crab working the leg more. Batista powers out; Kennedy charges into an inside cradle for two. Batista tries a running powerslam but the knee gives out and Kennedy stays on top. Batista hits a spinebuster out of nowhere and then continues to sell the knee. Kennedy stays on the knee but Batista begins to hit clotheslines to build momentum. Batista manages a scoop slam and then a fireman’s carry front roll on Kennedy. Batista begins to fire up shaking the ropes; Kennedy counters the Batista Bomb by going to the leg. Referee Nick Patrick takes an errant elbow to the face knocking him down enabling Kennedy a low blow into a neckbreaker, Kennedy covers… no referee. Mr. Kennedy drops Batista in a DDT… for two! The fans start to side with Kennedy; Batista counters a second-rope double axe with a lariat. Batista Bomb gets three shortly after. 5/10 Tidy match, not awful but not spectacular either, Kennedy used some unique holds during the heat segment which kept it interesting. This is where Kennedy began to like the next huge star before consistent injuries and a big mouth derailed it.

In the drawing room, Kevin Thorn and Ariel draw his number then go off to “feast”, presumably suck blood out of some jobber they have tied to a chair in their locker room. The unnamed, and heel, Hornswoggle arrives to select Finlay’s number. He runs into the Great Khali who grabs three numbers he is told he can only have one so he drops two which Kelly Kelly picks up and says they are big balls allowing Ron Simmons to say “damn”.

WWE Heavyweight Championship John Cena vs. Umaga (w/Armando Alejandro Estrada) last man standing: Umaga had suffered his first loss to Cena at the previous PPV; Umaga was pretty much invincible at this point. Cena’s abdomen is taped from a table spot on Raw a week or so earlier. They go nose to nose and Umaga goes to the abdomen to get the advantage. Cena rolls to the floor, back to the apron Umaga knocks him off again and then sends Cena into the steps. Estrada has to keep communicating with Umaga to stop beating on Cena so the referee can count him down. They battle up the aisle; Cena tries to ram Umaga’s head into the apron that, of course, does not work. Back into the ring Umaga focuses in the injured abdomen of John Cena. Cena tries a comeback but a clothesline sends him down. Umaga slams Cena; Estrada instructs Umaga to throw the steel steps into the ring. Cena breaks the momentum by hotshotting Umaga on the top rope as he is on the apron, sending back down to the floor. Cena THROWS the steel steps out onto Umaga on the floor. Back in the ring, Umaga spinning wheel kicks Cena and squeezes on a bearhug to further work the injured abdomen. Umaga drops Cena and retrieves the other half of the steel steps. Cena is up at eight; Umaga props the steps up in the corner and then rests a seated Cena against them. Umaga preps for the running butt splash but Cena moves and Umaga goes back first into the steps. Cena wakes up and lifts the steps and runs over Umaga with them. Cena to the top but Umaga catches the cross body and drops a tilt-a-whirl side slam on him. Umaga drops rope assisted sit-down splashes; the third one meets knees and Cena hits the Throwback onto the steel steps. John Cena begins to fire up with his usual comeback moves, Proto-bomb onto the steps. Cena drops the Five-Knuckle Shuffle. Cena goes for the F-U but his abdomen gives out and Cena drops Umaga onto the steps; Cena also, lands face first onto them. Cena is busted open and is up at nine. Umaga savagely attacks the open wound. Umaga continues to pummel Cena until he fires up… and charges right into a Samoan drop. John Cena blocks the Samoan Spike but eats a head-butt. Umaga ties Cena to the Tree of Woe; Cena sits up to avoid the running head-butt and drops the Cena Slice legdrop and posts Umaga. Cena retrieves a television monitor and CLOBBERS Umaga with it but he gets up at eight. Cena knocks Umaga through the ropes and jumps off the apron… into the arms of Umaga who rams Cena into the post. Umaga sets Cena up on the ECW announce table; Umaga runs across all three tables but Cena moves at the last minute and Umaga running splashes through the ECW table. Umaga STILL answers the ten count; Cena is exasperated. Umaga nails Cena through the ropes as Estrada unlatches the entire top rope from the ringpost. Umaga tries to use the unhinged metal turnbuckle for a super Samoan Spike but Cena catches him charging and drops him with the F-U. Cena beats Umaga with the buckle then applies the STF-U wrapping the ring rope around Umaga’s throat choking him unconscious. Cena releases the hold so the referee can count but Umaga STILL STARTS TO GET UP! Cena reapplies the rope assisted STF-U, FINALLY knocking Umaga out for the ten count. 9/10 THAT is how you book a John Cena survival match; Umaga looked inhuman and unstoppable and Cena had to use every possible advantage to get him the victory. It was a very, very good match that could be the 2007 Match of the Year.

In the Rumble drawing room the Sandman picks his number, pops open a beer and canes himself a few times. Ric Flair arrives to select the final number and then dances with Kelly Kelly’s Extreme Exposé.

The Royal Rumble: #1 Ric Flair, who always seems to have really awesome luck or really crappy luck; #2 Finlay making a very interesting ninety second match up. They wrestle in the outset until Finlay brawls in the corner. Flair reverses into chops; Finlay backdrops Flair. Ric Flair rakes the eyes to save off elimination. Now #3 Kenny Dykstra heads out and he goes for Flair, whom he was semi-feuding with. Finlay interferes and attacks Flair then tries to eliminate Dykstra. Flair tries to toss Finlay; the heels team up on Flair until #4 Matt Hardy heads out making this the first time someone has come out to two different entrance themes on the same show. He attacks Dykstra with a Side Effect and everyone pairs off in separate corners. Flair chops Dykstra in the corner; here comes #5 Edge, one half of the Raw tag team champions, running down. Edge spears Flair and Finlay but Matt Hardy avoids his and delivers a Twist of Fate to Edge. Flair retrieves a chair but Dykstra cuts him off; Edge uses the distraction to ELIMINATE Ric Flair and then ELIMINATE Kenny Dykstra while he is gloating at Flair. #6 Tommy Dreamer comes out and goes for Edge. Dreamer ties him to the Tree of Woe and basement dropkicks him. Finlay drops a charging Matt with a boot then clotheslines Dreamer. Dreamer and Edge nearly go out on opposite sides of the ring. #7 Sabu runs down and sets up a table on the floor then charges in. Sabu and Dreamer settle old ECW scores and Sabu drops him with a springboard body press. Sabu stomps on Matt Hardy; Dreamer counters a second Sabu springboard move. Finlay almost goes out again as #8 Gregory Helms heads to the ring marking one year holding the Cruiserweight championship; he goes for Matt Hardy naturally. Sabu tosses Finlay over the top but not out. Finlay tries to eliminate Sabu, everyone else brawls on the ropes. Here is #9 Shelton Benjamin, part of the World’s Greatest Tag Team again, sprinting to the ring. He goes for Hardy. Everyone teases going over the top where the table is set up; we all know who is going through that table. There are a lot more aggressive elimination attempts in this year’s Rumble.

#10 Kane heads out to kill people. He boots Dreamer and clobbers everyone in sight. Kane spinning powerslams Helms and the chokeslams Edge; Kane ELIMINATES Tommy Dreamer and then chokeslams Sabu through the table he himself set up on the floor, ELIMINATING him. #11 CM Punk really early on in his WWE career, getting a sizable reaction. Punk goes for Edge but runs into Finlay. Punk knee strikes Edge in the corner and tries to toss him. Now #12 King Booker royally heads to the ring, this awesome gimmick revitalized Booker’s career. Booker attacks and ELIMINATES Gregory Helms. Everyone Rumble brawly on the ropes and #13 Super Crazy runs out. Kane puts his fire out quickly. JBL calls Super Crazy his doorman in New York then bitches out Mil Máscaras for owing him money. Former court members Finlay and Booker attack each other. #14 Jeff Hardy heads out; he calls Matt over to double suplex Finlay. Then they double up on perennial rival Edge. The Hardys hit the double team wheelbarrow whip on Super Crazy. Kane double goozles the Hardys; they counter and drop Poetry in Motion on him. #15 Sandman comes through the crowd drinking a beer, he arrives and Singapore canes a few people until King Booker ELIMINATES him to a huge chorus of boos. Jeff Hardy skins-the-cat as #16 Randy Orton, the other Raw tag team champion, heads out. Orton attacks Super Crazy and ELIMINATES him. Orton stretch backbreakers Matt Hardy; Rated RKO team up to ELIMINATE Matt Hardy and then ELIMINATE Jeff Hardy. #17 Chris Benoit, the current U.S. champion, runs down and attacks Finlay and Edge. Benoit fires off German suplexes on Kane, Benjamin and King Booker. CM Punk hangs on the top rope almost going out. Finlay hoists up Benoit as #18 Rob Van Dam runs out; he feint wheel kicks Benjamin and kicks Booker in the face allowing Kane to ELIMINATE him. Booker reenters the ring illegally and drops Kane with the scissors kick and tosses him over the top, ELIMINATING him. They continue their battle on the floor as #19 Viscera wanders out. Booker kicks the crap out of Kane on the floor; Viscera tries to eliminate Edge. RVD kicks Finlay in the corner.

Here comes #20 Johnny Nitro to the ring and tries to toss RVD. Viscera squashes Punk in the corner. Rated RKO continues to work as a unit; Shelton Benjamin barely hangs on he was dangling about two inches from elimination. #21 Kevin Thorn heads out doing a more modern Gangrel character, minus the cool entrance. His music is still pretty cool. Thorn attacks Benjamin as Nitro steps on Orton’s face. Lots of guys brawling in there; RVD tries to eliminate Viscera to no avail. Johnny Nitro avoids a Shelton Benjamin powerbomb and dropkicks him as the buzzer sounds for #22 Hardcore Holly. Holly attacks everyone in sight. Shelton slingshots RVD over but not out. Everyone in-ring starts to gang up on Viscera as hometown boy #23 Shawn Michaels arrives to the D-X theme. Shawn attacks Finlay the only person not ganging up on Viscera. Shawn ELIMINATES Finlay as Viscera tosses everyone off him; Shawn superkicks Big Vis and everyone runs back to Viscera to ELIMINATE him. Shawn then ELIMINATES Shelton Benjamin. HBK and Holly brawl; here comes #24 “Masterpiece” Chris Masters to the ring as I notice he is the only competitor thus far with a quotation nickname. Masters goes for Benoit; Nitro follows up with a neckbreakers. Nitro goes to the top, bad move; Benoit knocks him over, ELIMINATING him. More every man for himself brawling then, #25 Chavo Guerrero heads out, who attacks the fresh Chris Masters. Benoit ELIMINATES Kevin Thorn in the same fashion he eliminated Big Show to win the 2004 Royal Rumble (full review, click here). Shawn battles Orton and Edge for injuring D-X running buddy Triple H. Now #26 M.V.P. comes out making his Rumble debut, still suffering from burns from his inferno match at Armageddon. Benoit and HBK gang up on MVP as RVD dropkicks Chris Masters out, ELIMINATING him. MVP nails the Drive-by kick on Benoit; Orton and Punk battle in the corner. #27 Carlito enters. Carlito attacks everyone in sight. There are eleven men in the ring, that’s a lot; RVD almost tosses HBK. Uh, oh here is #28 Great Khali storms out to the ring during his invincible first heel push. All eleven guys in the ring stops brawling and readies to get their asses kicked. Khali shoves Edge and RVD aside and absolutely obliterates everyone in his path. He gives everyone in the ring the head chop knocking everyone out. Khali entered, the ring is out cold here is poor #29 The Miz headed out. Khali finally gets the idea of the match and starts tossing people; Holly ELIMINATED, Benoit ELIMINATED, Miz is quickly ELIMINATED. There goes Rob Van Dam, ELIMINATED via Khali. CM Punk is ELIMINATED by Khali. Carlito winds up on the apron and tries to springboard back in; Khali chops him midair to ELIMINATE him. Chavo Guerrero ELIMINATED by Khali. Shawn Michaels tries to meekly chop him but eats a Khali Bomb. Everyone in the commentary booth declare the Great Khali the winner until #30 Undertaker comes out. Taker and Khali battle amongst the remaining debris; Khali dominates until Taker gets the better of him and ELIMINATES the invincible Khali. Everyone left in the ring begin to revive for the Undertaker to knock them back down. Ropewalk Forearm to MVP and Undertaker ELIMINATES MVP.

The final four for the 2007 Royal Rumble are; the Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Randy Orton and Edge. Edge battles Taker but Taker hits the 360 clothesline; MVP tries to return with a chair, the referees actually stop him; Orton snags the chair and clobbers the Undertaker with it. Edge lines up for a spear on Orton but a near chairshot stops him in his tracks. Rated RKO argue as Shawn Michaels begins to revive; Orton hits him with an RKO and Shawn rolls to the floor. Orton goes back to Edge and they decide to form a pact to get to the Undertaker. Taker is bleeding. Undertaker begins to fire up against Rated RKO; double goozle countered… Undertaker double clotheslines them both. Edge eats snake eyes into the big boot. Orton is goozled; Edge saves him with a spear. Orton retrieves the chair and floors Undertaker with it. Edge goes for a chair for a Con-chair-to; Shawn returns and backdrops Orton over ELIMINATING him and then superkicks Edge out, ELIMINATING him. Shawn and Undertaker both lay motionless in the ring next to each other. Undertaker sits up just as Shawn nips up and the crowd goes insane. Taker drops the straps and they break out into an impromptu singles match. Shawn gets choke tosses into the corner and an uppercut sets HBK on the top rope. Shawn saves himself and chops the Undertaker. Taker sends Shawn upside-down in the corner onto the apron. Taker charges and Shawn avoids the knee in the corner and the momentum carries Undertaker over the top to the apron. Shawn tries to knock Taker off the apron but a shoulder stops HBK’s momentum; Taker drops his head and Shawn swinging neckbreakers him. They arm wearily battle in the center of the ring. Shawn charges into a big boot that quiets the hometown fans. Undertaker suplexes Shawn to the apron; Michaels tries to Benoit him over the top. HBK climbs the ropes and Taker nails him; they tensely tease eliminations on the top rope. Shawn finally knocks Undertaker off, back into the ring. Shawn drops the top-rope elbow to the heart of the Undertaker. Shawn tunes up the band but Taker catches Sweet Chin Music into a chokeslam. Shawn slips out of a Tombstone and drops Taker with a superkick. Damn, this is intense. Undertaker uses the ropes to get up as HBK readies for the eliminating superkick. Michaels charges but Taker catches him and flips him over the top, ELIMINATING him and winning the 2007 Royal Rumble. Post-Rumble Undertaker and Shawn look at each other approvingly; Shawn looks quite disheartened. Taker poses at the WrestleMania 23 sign to close the PPV. 5.5/10 Probably the best “last two” battle in Rumble history; the last six to eight minutes saved this Rumble. I normally like a lot of guys brawling in the ring but this time it bogged it down tremendously. Undertaker gets his Rumble victory and for the first time in TWENTY Rumbles the “lucky” #30 draw yields a winner.

The 411:  The best match on the card was a John Cena match, go figure! He and the late Umaga had a great bloody brawl; the rest of the undercard was average to painful. The Rumble put Khali over as the next great threat in the WWE and Undertaker finally got a Rumble win. The ending five minutes with Shawn Michaels and Undertaker was quite entertaining; those two should main event a WrestleMania someday.

Final Score:  6.0   [ Average ]