Reviews from Across the Pond: WWF No Mercy 2000

WWF NO MERCY 2000size=3>

Over here in the U.K this show is available legally, bundled in with Unforgiven 2000 in a two disc set. I opted against doing a full review for Unforgiven, but it’s an entirely skippable show, filled with disappointing matches and lacklustre vignettes surrounding the return of Steve Austin. A Tag Team Cage Match between The Hardyz and Edge & Christian is quite good, but that’s the highest praise I can give anything on the card. Let’s hope things improve here! A tantalising double main event of Triple H vs. Chris Benoit and The Rock vs. Kurt Angle indicates that they will.

The opening video package solely focuses on Steve Austin’s determination to exact revenge on Rikishi for running him over nearly a year ago. It’s typically well done but it seems a bit of a waste not to bother hyping any other matches.

MATCH 1- TAG TEAM TURMOIL TABLES MATCH

This is your usual tag gauntlet match, but a team is eliminated when one member gets put through a table.
Starting things off are Too Cool (Scotty 2 Hotty & Grandmaster Sexay) and Lo Down (D-Lo Brown & Chaz.) Predictably, there’s lots of punching and kicking, the occasional use of a table as a battering ram, and very little excitement. Scotty 2 Hotty slides a table through Chaz’ legs and drives it upwards, which is quite a creative little spot. Meanwhile, D-Lo drops Sexay with the Sky High, lays him across a table and heads to the turnbuckles. Chaz, having recovered from his groinal trauma, also ascends the turnbuckles with Scotty in tow, a table waiting beneath them. Brown tries for the Lo Down Splash but Sexay rolls out the way, sending him crashing through the table! That won’t eliminate Lo Down… but Scotty shoving Chaz off the top rope and through the other table will! Too Cool advance!

Tazz & Raven are the next entrants, and with their hardcore background you’d expect them to have the advantage here. They set a table up just outside the ring before entering, which presumably will have relevance later in the match. Too Cool catch them with dual Baseball slides and lie Raven on the table. Scotty prepares to leap off the apron, driving the former ECW star through the table, but Tazz saves the day with a Tazzmission Choke. Sexay tries for a Sunset Flip Powerbomb off the apron through the table, but his legs go through the wood before he can execute it. That’s not an elimination, but it’s most certainly a botch. In the ring, Scotty Worms his way under a table to land his finisher on Raven, but Tazz takes out Sexay, Raven recovers quickly, and Scotty takes a double suplex through the table to end Too Cool’s run.

Next up, The Dudleys! And they get off to a hot start, dropping Tazz with a Bubba Bomb before nailing the Wassup Drop on Raven. “D-Von… GET THE TABLES!” D-Von does indeed get the tables, but before they can be used Tazz takes Bubba out with a T-Bone Suplex while Raven occupies D-Von. The Dudleys rally and lie Tazz on the table, giving D-Von the opportunity to finish in spectacular fashion with a Leg Drop through the table!

Right to Censor representatives Bull Buchanan and the Goodfather are the final entrants, and thus things regress back to aimless punching and kicking. Buchanan counters a Bubba Bomb with a low blow, but misses a Lariat by a mile and drops the referee instead. A ref bump in a table match always means we’re getting the same stupid spot. And, of course, Bubba powerbombs Buchanan through a table, but The Goodfather nails his opponent in the head with a chair (as an aside, we don’t need unprotected chair shots and drags him into the wreckage. The referee stirs, spies the prone Bubba, and calls for the bell, but another referee makes an appearance to explain what happened and restart the match. Goodfather tries for the Ho Train on D-Von but meets nothing but turnbuckle, and the Dudz catch him on the rebound with the 3-D through a table for the victory. ** These sort of matches always suffer from the fact that they’re essentially just four brief tag matches glued clumsily together. Too Cool-Tazz & Raven and Tazz & Raven-The Dudleyz were energetic and entertaining, while the opening and closing contests were both lifeless outside of the table spots. The crowd were into it though, which is what you want from an opening contest, and none of the bouts outstayed their respective welcomes.

In the back, Test and Albert mull the possibility of Trish Stratus’ breasts becoming exposed.

Elsewhere, a sledgehammer wielding Rikishi awaits the arrival of Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Earlier tonight on Heat, a six man tag match was made pitting the A.P.A & Lita against T & A and Trish Stratus. However, the rule-breakers take out Bradshaw and Faarooq in the back before the bout can get underway. Foolishly, Lita attempts to race to the rescue, but she gets ambushed on the stage by Test, Albert and Stratus. They drag her down to the ring and destroy the Team Xtreme member until Matt & Jeff Hardy clear the ring and save their stable-mate.

In the locker room, Edge & Christian complain that they were unable to compete in the Table Gauntlet match earlier because they got food poisoning from bad peanuts. This gives the opportunity to make lots of nut based innuendo.

Rikishi is still awaiting Steve Austin, and he still has a sledgehammer. What an illuminating update.

MATCH 2- STEEL CAGE MATCH- CHRIS JERICHO VS X-PAC

This will be contested under Escape Rules, so pinfalls and submissions are irrelevant. Before the bout gets underway, Jericho admits he’s been fighting X-Pac for so long he can barely remember why he hates him. That indicates how important this feud was. You wouldn’t have had Hulk Hogan cut a promo before his legendary bout with Andre the Giant in which he said “WELL YA KNOW SOMETHING BRUTHA, I CAN’T REMEMBER WHY I DON’T LIKE ANDRE, BUT I STILL THINK ALL THE HULKAMANIACS SHOULD CARE DEEPLY ABOUT THIS ISSUE, DUUUUUUUDE!” But right now, Jericho doesn’t even care. He and the Jerichoholics want the feud to end inside the Cage, or the Y2Jail as he likes to call it. And after tonight, Jericho hopes to never hear the words D-Generation X or X-Pac ever… EVERRRRRRRRRRRR… again!

Jericho baseball slides X-Pac before he even enters the cage to get this grudge match underway! He beats his foe around ringside before the former 1-2-3 Kid desperately slams the cage door on Y2J’s head to put some distance between them. Into the cage the match goes. Jericho foils an X-Pac escape attempt by taking him off the cage wall with a Springboard Dropkick. Missile Dropkick off the top turnbuckle! Lionsault… no! X-Pac gets the knees up, ending an impressive offensive run. Waltman tries to escape through the cage door but Jericho latches onto his ankle. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler eschew commentary in favour of making more nut puns. I sure would like to put my nuts in Trish Stratus’ mouth! For the purposes of oral sex! Am I doing it correctly! Anyway, X-Pac hits Jericho with a spinning heel kick and makes a cover because he doesn’t understand the basic concept of the match. He tries to ascend the cage instead, but Jericho grabs him as he reaches the summit and drops him with a huuuuuuuuuge powerbomb! Impressive spot. Chris keeps the momentum going by hurling him into the wall a few times, but gets crotched on the top rope as he tries to climb. X-Pac heads for the cage door, Jericho hooks his leg, but can’t stop him from grabbing a discarded steel chair and bringing it into the cage. Chair shot to the head! Once again Waltman tries to climb, and this time he makes it right to the top of the cage. Jericho follows him and sweeps his leg though, crotching him 15 feet high in the air! He follows this with a Walls of Jericho on the top of the cage! But X-Pac kicks him off, all the way down to the mat! X-Pac gets overconfident and starts to slowly descend the cage, hovering above the open cage door to celebrate his imminent victory. However, Jericho makes one last grasp for victory, dropkicking the cage wall and forcing X-Pac to lose his balance! He slips off the wall and crotches himself on top of the cage door! Y2J simply crawls underneath his legs out of the cage door to victory! *** This was good fun from start to finish. There was plenty of energy, some creative, well executed spots and a surprising amount of big, loud bumps for the second match on the card. The finish was pretty cool as well, and worked a lot better in the ring than it does on paper. It didn’t quite have the appropriate amount of intensity for a cage match and it didn’t help that Ross and Lawler showed little interest in the match until the final stretch, but that doesn’t detract from the effort these two put in.

In the commissioner’s office, Rikishi demands that Mick Foley tells him why Steve Austin hasn’t arrived yet. Foley assures him that Austin won’t miss their match, but if he does, he’ll personally come down to the ring and raise Rikishi’s hand in victory.

MATCH 3- CHYNA & BILLY GUNN VS. VAL VENIS & STEVIE RICHARDS

Billy was originally going to face Eddie Guerrero for the IC Title but Latino Heat is too hurt to compete, so instead he’ll help his good friend Chyna exact some revenge against The Right to Censor. Pre match, Steven Richards insists the RTC would never think of laying their hands on a woman… unless it was absolutely necessary. And tonight, it is very much necessary, for the good of the WWF fans.

This is fairly one sided in the early going, with Gunn and Chyna reeling off offense on Val Venis. Steven Richard attempts to turn the tide but fails miserably. The Playboy Cover Girl takes things up a notch by shoving Double V’s face into her breasts, a dangerous manoeuvre if there ever was one. The RTC finally get some traction by targeting the surgically rebuilt shoulder of Gunn. Mr. Ass fights back with a DDT to Stevie, and it’s tag to Venis, mild tag to Chyna! This triggers some woman on man violence, culminating in a Low Blow and Billy Gunn Fame-Ass-Er to Stevie. Chyna takes out Venis with a swinging neckbreaker, but The Goodfather and Bull Buchanan derail their momentum by running interference. Gunn races over to deal with them… allowing Eddie Guerrero to sneak into the ring and crack Chyna across the back with a bouquet of roses! Well, those thorns can hurt. Venis slumps over for the cover and the three count. ** This was pretty much as good as it was going to be. They kept it short, executed everything smoothly, and compressed the standard tag formula fairly effectively, making this a worthy if unremarkable addition to the undercard.

In the back, Stephanie McMahon wants Triple H to let her come down to the ring for his match with Chris Benoit later, but Hunter still feels it’s too dangerous. Steph accepts this surprisingly calmly, and hands Hunter a tape which might give some tips on how to counter the Crossface, which HHH seems to appreciate. What he won’t appreciate, though, is Stephanie getting hurt during the Rock-Kurt Angle match when she’s in Kurt’s corner, and he lets it be known that he’s blaming Kurt if she does come to harm.

MATCH 4- NO HOLDS BARRED- STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN VS RIKISHI

I’m sure you all know the backstory to this match. With just moments to go before the match begins, Steve Austin is still nowhere to be found. Rikishi saunters down to the ring, notes that Stone Cold hasn’t shown up, and demands Mick Foley comes down to the ring and declares him the winner. Obediently Foley makes his way down to the ring, but before the commissioner can say a single word Austin roars down to ringside in his pick-up truck to begin the brawl!

The match follows a simple formula; Austin beats the piss out of Rikishi, Austin beats the crap out of Rikishi, Austin beats the shit out of Rikishi. It’s also worth noting that the bell never officially rings in this, which plays in with the finish. Anyway, the beating spills around ringside, through the crowd. Rikishi garners a brief respite by blinding Austin with Pepsi, then back body dropping him onto the concrete floor. It is only a brief respite though, as Stone Cold resumes the destruction with a belt whipping. Next, some choking with a rope. A steel chair gets introduced to Rikishi’s face. And back. While Austin inexplicably wears JR’s cowboy hat. The action spills up the ramp, where SCSA waffles the former Too Cool member so hard with a chair he flops into the back of Austin’s pick-up truck. The Rattlesnake promptly hops in the truck and drives him into the parking lot, before unloading him against a wall. Stone Cold backs up the truck and accelerates towards him. Thankfully a police car intercepts him in mid charge, and the boys in blue quickly, and correctly, arrest Austin. So no finish. * ½ This was reasonably entertaining but ultimately of little substance. Austin’s beatdown of Rikishi was intense and the finish was kinda sorta logical considering what needed to come out of this PPV, but by the end of the bout I didn’t feel like I’d just spent the last ten minutes of my life particularly well. Still, it was something different I suppose.

An ambulance follows the police to take Rikishi away. Now all we need is someone to start a fire and we have a complete set! I’m looking at you Kane.

MATCH 5- EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP- WILLIAM REGAL VS NAKED MIDEON

Regal is repulsed by the idea of defending his title against Naked Mideon, but by protesting to Mick Foley he has at least ensured Mideon must wear clothes during the bout.

Mideon takes Regal off his feet with a clothesline and immediately goes to strip. He opts to focus on the match instead though, and continues to control the champion with a slam and sloppy dropkick. Regal recovers and hurls his foe into the ring post, before battering him with knee strikes. OFF COMES MIDEON’S TOP! The big man attempts another clothesline but Regal ducks under and executed a nice Butterfly Suplex for two. Crowd are utterly dead for this. Mideon recovers, whips off his pants to expose a thong, and gives Regal a big kick on the lips. I don’t understand why anyone would think this was a remotely good idea. Mideon heads to the top rope but gets crotched on the top rope. Regal contemplates the Regal Stretch, but doesn’t want to place his hands on his opponent for a prolonged period of time. The fact that he even attempts to bring some psychology into this match shows what a hero he really is. The Regal Cutter finishes. ¾ * This was just over five minutes of absolute nothing, despite the best efforts of William Regal. Naked Mideon was a gimmick with no thought or effort put into it, and the fans reacted accordingly. It wasn’t utterly awful, but it wasn’t worthwhile or anything.

Earlier tonight on Heat, Kurt Angle manipulates interview footage to make it appear that the Rock ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin at Survivor Series 1999. Unlike Naked Mideon, this is genuinely brilliant. The Rock watches on from the locker room, faintly amused by the whole scenario.

MATCH 6- WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS- THE HARDY BOYZ VS LOS CONQUISTADORS

Having lost to the Hardyz last month at Unforgiven, Edge and Christian were banned from receiving a shot while their foes held the titles. This decision coincided with the surprising rise of obscure eighties tag team Los Conquistadors, who earned themselves a tag title shot at No Mercy. There were suspicions that they may be Edge and Christian in disguise though, and not without good reason; in their pre-match interview, The Conquistadors are the same height and weight as E & C, and their knowledge of Spanish seems to extend only as far as “Arriba!” and “Si Senor!” Another clue is that you can clearly make out part of Edge & Christian’s faces through their masks. Still, onwards we go with this charade!

Los Conquistadors conclusively prove that they are indeed authentic luchadors by doing repeated forward rolls. This doesn’t translate to much success in wrestling terms with the high flying Hardyz though. Matt & Jeff dominate in entertaining fashion throughout the early going. The challengers try numerous double teams, but none of them seem to pay off. Uno & Dos finally gain some traction with a dual dropkick that sends the champs to the floor, but their dual baseball slides miss and they end up running into each other. They finally isolate Jeff by dumping him into the ring post to trigger the face in peril segment. Jeff was such a tremendous face in peril. Even when in complete control, the Conquistadors can’t pull off a successful double team, as Dos slingshots Jeff towards Uno but turns around to find Hardy has countered into a crossbody, forcing him to break up the cover. The tide then turns firmly back towards the Hardyz as Uno misses a corkscrew moonsault. Hot tag to Hardy! Well, it would be hot if the crowd weren’t so dead. Matt takes out both the Conquistadors, and this leads nicely into a nice “everyone dives onto each other on the floor” sequence. In the ring Uno connects with an inverted DDT to Matt, but Jeff breaks the cover up with a Swanton Bomb. Matt recovers to drop Dos with a Twist of Fate and removes his mask… only to find out that he’s wearing another mask underneath! This distraction allows Uno to sneak up behind him and land the Unprettier for the three count and the World Tag Team Championships! *** ¼ The crowd did this match absolutely no favours, but there’s very few complaints to be had about the actual ring work. Edge & Christian really threw themselves into the Conquistadors gimmick, and their inability to perform a double team and the faux-Lucha tone of the match was a testament to that. The ring work was as crisp as you’d expect from two teams so familiar with one another, and the finish would have been red hot if, as I’ve alluded to, the fans had decided to react to what was going on in the ring. Good match though.

In the back, Triple H studies Stephanie’s Crossface tape. The smirk on his face indicates he thinks he’s found a solution.

MATCH 7- TRIPLE H VS CHRIS BENOIT

This match came about as a result of Chris Benoit beating up Stephanie McMahon. Insert your own joke here. Mine is that one of these guys is subject to more bile and vitriol for his despicable actions than anyone else in wrestling, and the other is Chris Benoit. I should note that in between this and the tag title match I’ve come down with an utterly awful cold, so if you think this match has been poorly reviewed, blame it on that. I would argue that soldiering on with this in spite of my condition makes me tougher than any wrestler that has ever laced up a pair of boots.

The match starts with predictable intensity, as the two scrap in the corner before Triple H triggers a slugfest that he was always going to win. HHH shows he’s prepared to wrestle as well though by quickly targeting the left knee, although wrapping it round the ring post is perhaps not the most technically sound way of doing so. Benoit battles back with some typically stiff chops, then hurls Hunter into the ring post shoulder first. Both men have picked their body parts. I am a fan. They brawl to the floor, where Triple H throws Benoit into the steps, and the Wolverine retaliates by dropping Hunter onto the announce table. Then it’s back to the ring, a snap suplex, and arm-work. Good stuff. Lovely. Benoit lands a hammerlock suplex and heads up top, with the Swandive Headbutt connecting right to the arm! The move dazes Benoit though, and in the time it takes him to go in for the kill Hunter has recovered enough to hook a flash Inside Cradle for two. He dumps Benoit with an inverted vertical suplex, but that takes a lot of strength out of his arm. Nevertheless, he recovers to drop Benoit with a neckbreaker, then drops him from the top rope with a Superplex for two! Hunter tries for the Pedigree but Benoit counters with a backdrop, and it’s Triple Germans Time! He finishes with a Dragon Suplex and a cover, but Triple H is too close to the ropes and lunges out a foot to save himself. Determined, the Wolverine pulls him back to the middle of the ring and nails the same move, but it only gets two. Crippler Crossface is locked in! Now let’s see the value of Steph’s video tapes! Apparently none, but Hunter is able to resist long enough to power up and hit a Samoan Drop. Here comes Stephanie herself! She slaps Benoit in the face and dares him to do something about it, but that distracts him long enough for Hunter to kick him in the gut and hook the Pedigree! Benoit counters that into an attempted Crossface, which is in turn countered into an attempted Pedigree, back into the Crossface, and finally Hunter decides “enough with this shit!” and punches his foe in the groin as Steph distracts the referee. That subdues Benoit long enough for the Pedigree, and that’s enough for three! *** ¾ One of the highest compliments I could give this match is that girl I like decided to text me in the middle of it and still it kept my attention. It was just a little too short to go any higher, and it would have been nice to see the early limb work play into the finish, but it packed plenty of twists and turns into it’s lifespan and did so in an intense and intelligent way. The finishing sequence was really exciting as well. Good stuff, and hopefully the main event can build on the momentum this show is generating.

In the back, Edge & Christian celebrate with Los Conquistadors, and in doing so confirm that they’ll be facing off tomorrow night on Raw for the tag team championships!

MATCH 8- NO DQ MATCH FOR THE WWF CHAMPIONSHIP- THE ROCK VS KURT ANGLE

Furious at being branded a “liability” at ringside by her husband, Stephanie McMahon set out to prove her worth by helping Kurt Angle on his road to the WWF Championship. Angle set about making things as personal as possible by accusing the Rock of running over Steve Austin, which left Triple H concerned about Steph’s safety at ringside. The no-DQ stip was added at the last minute for some reason. And that’s where we are. Also, my cold has if anything gotten worse. PITY ME.

Stephanie gains the attention of the Rock prior to the match, allowing Angle to launch into an attack before the bell. He takes the fight to the floor and smacks the champion with a steel chair, but the Rock takes the advantage in the ring, dropping Kurt with a Samoan Drop for a two count. Kurt tries to take a break on the entrance ramp, but the Rock has no interest in letting him. The brawl spills to the stage, where Rocky sends the Olympic Gold Medallist straight through the No Mercy set! Admittedly, it’s a very flimsy set, but it sure sounds impressive. Back in the ring, Angle misses a charge into the corner and snags his knee, giving the Rock something to target. He does so by dragging Kurt into the ring post crotch first, then battering the knee with a steel chair. In the ring the champ lands a Dragon Screw Leg Whip and locks in his fucking awful Sharpshooter, but Stephanie distracts the referee to stop him from seeing Angle submit. Rock decides to chase after McMahon, but that just gives Angle time to recover, and when the Brahma Bull returns to the ring he races right into a Belly to Belly suplex. Sleeper hold follows. Rock rallies out of it and hurls Angle clean over the top rope. The Great One whips his foe into the steel steps, bounces his head across the table, and spits water in his face as a final insult. Angle retaliates by whipping the Rock into the ringpost, and Stephanie tries to continue the momentum by handing him the WWF Championship. Belt shot between the eyes! Cover! But only two! Kurt decides to head to the top rope, but the champ crotches him, then joins him for a Superplex! It only garners another two count though. The challenger responds with a German Suplex and once again heads up top… but the Moonsault misses! And Rock has right hands a-plenty for Kurt! DDT gets two. Belly to belly suplex… from the Rock! Spinebuster! But Stephanie stops the People’s Elbow! And gets a Rock Bottom for her troubles! Triple H is going to fucking murder Kurt Angle! Well, you’d think, but he just jogs down to ringside and throws him to the floor. The Rock comes off worse, dropped with a Pedigree! Hunter then carries Steph away from the fray, and Angle drags himself over the Rock’s carcass! One! Two! Not three! The Great One continues his gutsy display by landing another flash DDT for two. But here comes a battered and bloodied Rikishi, to… punch Kurt Angle and throw him into the ring. What a valuable contribution he made. Rock Bottom to Kurt! Kurt kicks out! This match is really disintegrating at the seams. There’s just no flow to any of these near falls. Rikishi tries to superkick Angle but misses and drops Rock! Angle Slam to Rikishi! Angle Slam to Rock! Kurt Angle is the WWF Champion! ** ¾ Horribly disappointing match. It started off well enough, and while the brawling sections were cookie-cutter they at least were entertaining, but that finishing sequence was an overdone mess, with awkward interference by Triple H and Rikishi and dull nearfalls thrown out with no rhyme or reason. The best of the Rock and Kurt Angle styles meshed to create a classic at No Way Out 2001, but here their worst excesses combined to end the PPV on a low note.

The 411: A consistently entertaining PPV with three good matches in Jericho/X-Pac, Hardyz/Conquistadors and HHH/Benoit. The two big angle driven matches in the show, Rock/Angle and Austin/Rikishi, fell awfully flat, but 12 years removed from the card that's not too big a concern. It's certainly not the strongest PPV that the WWF put on in 2000, but it's superior to the cards that both preceded and succeeded it at least. Worth a look if you can find it for cheap.

Final Score:  6.5   [ Average ]