Ring Crew Reviews: WWE Royal Rumble 2004

• DVD Packaging: This is the Royal Rumble Anthology edition so it comes in different packages with 5 discs in each one. The fourth volume box is white with gold trim.

• DVD Presentation: The menu is simple but it’s the same for every disc in the set. It has this triumphant fanfare playing over a brief montage from that year’s RR on the right half of the screen. The left half is the same as the box design except it’s white with gold trim.

• Relevant Storylines: Batista and Flair decide to get the tables themselves with Coach’s help. Noble decides he’s tired of hour classics in ROH and wants to come to the fed and job out in 3 minutes. Surprisingly Eddie and Chavo have the brother-brother feud that sets the SVR General Manager mode on fire and not Doug and Danny Basham. Brock Lesnar cost Bob Holly a year of his life and in response Holly cost us 7 minutes of ours. And JR calls Foley a coward.

• Scheduled Card:
1. Tables Match for the World Tag Team Championship: The Dudleyz vs. Ric Flair and Batista (c).
2. WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Jamie Noble vs. Rey Mysterio (c).
3. Chavo Guerrero vs. Eddie Guerrero.
4. WWE Championship: Bob Holly vs. Brock Lesnar (c).
5. Last Man Standing for the World Heavyweight Championship: Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H (c).
6. Royal Rumble Match

• Video package is the usual Road to Wrestlemania hype and focuses on Bob Holly/Lesnar, HBK/Triple H, and Eddie/Chavo. The usual, nothing more and nothing less.

• The theme is either a really generic ripoff of Nirvana or an in-house dub Nirvana ripoff. Coach, King, and JR for RAW and Cole and Tazz for Smackdown.

• Tables Match for the World Tag Team Championship: The Dudleyz vs. Ric Flair and Batista (c). Coach is selling a 3D through a table. Batista cuts the music early and cuts the cheap heat promo calling out the local sports team. Dudleyz jump them in the aisle. Batista whiffs on a clothesline and eats post. Flair gets backdropped and acts like he’s dead. Bubba slides a table into Batista all the way across the ring. D-Von slides Flair in and he begs in and the bell finally rings. D-Von with a powerslam on Flair and the Dudleyz set up a table. Batista manages to botch getting the table out of the way as it springboards back into them. Dudleyz doubleteam Batista with a swinging neckbreaker and D-Von hits a Cactus clothesline on it. Bubba sets up the table in the corner and Flair fights back with chops. Bubba cuts him off and smashes Flair into the table. Bubba with a bionic elbow and Batista comes in and hits the better Lex Luger Patented Steel Plate Bionic Elbow Forearm of DOOM. Flair with a short arm chop on D-Von and a knee drop. D-Von tries a flying burrito on Flair but they land on Batista. This sucks. The Dudleyz hit the neckbreaker/back suplex combo. Flair goes to work on Bubba’s knee but he’s alone so it goes nowhere. He cuts off D-Von in the corner and Woos a few times. He goes up top but Bubba slams him off. Dudleyz set up the table as Coach comes down to the ring to distract. Bubba tosses him in the ring and Coach has taped up ribs. What the fuck is this shit? The Dudleyz prep the What’s Up headbutt on Coach but Flair tosses Bubba and Batista spinebusts D-Von through the table to retain at 4:22. Fuck this shit. DUD. That was a clumsy match that had the most telegraphed finish and it still took forever to execute for some reason. Crowd was mostly apathetic as well given The Dudleyz stale gimmick.

• John Cena tries to work his name into a punchline but RVD cuts him off and says he’s winning then Cena shows off his Radio Raheem silver knucks.

• WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Jamie Noble vs. Rey Mysterio (c). Nidia is blind at this point. Rey tries a roll up but no go. Noble tries to backdrop him to the floor but no go. Rey hits a springboard headscissors and gets caught up in the ropes. Mysterio goes for the 619 but runs into a flapjack. Noble on the offense. He htis some chops in the corner and hangs Rey out to dry on the top rope. Cover gets 2. Noble hits a Tajiri kick for 2. Mysterio with a roll up for 2 but gets cut off by Noble with a clothesline. Cover gets another 2. Noble to the chinlock at 90 seconds in? These guys blown up? Noble with a seated ab stretch. He tries another flapjack but Mysterio counters with a dropkick. Mysterio with a chop and he springboards onto Noble’s shoulders and spins around for a nice huracanrana. Mysterio hits the bulldog out of the wheelbarrow suplex setup for 2. Mysterio tries a springboard cross body but Noble catches him with a rib breaker. Noble goes for the Gibson Driver but Mysterio resists. Noble with some boots. He runs into the ropes and gets tripped up by Nidia thus foreshadowing the inevitable breakup. Mysterio dropkicks Noble into the ropes and a 619 and a springboard dropkick later is enough to retain at 3:17. 3 minute title matches to serve largely as angle advancement? at the Royal Rumble? Fuck you. 1/2*

• Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero. This feud is based on Eddie getting pinned by one of the Bashams in a tag title match and Chavo blaming him for losing it. Kurt Angle tries to broker a resolution only for Chavo to turn on Eddie again. Cole tells him to stop “in the name of the Guerrero family.” I always know when I want someone to declare something in the name of the Guerrero family, I think of Michael Cole. Wait, you mean Chavo is accompanied by Chavo Sr.? Perhaps, Cole as resident expert on integrity should tell him he’s also shitting on the Guerrero family name. No hydraulics tonight or handshakes for fans because Eddie means business.

• Lockup goes nowhere for a while as it’s even. Eddie gets pissed and shoves Chavo. Chavo responds by smacking him. Nice facial expressions to accompany this. Eddie bull rushes him into the corner but Nick demands a break. Eddie with a hammerlock into a drop toe hold and a chinlock. Beautiful sequence. Chavo powers up and chops in the corner. Eddie’s pissed. Another lockup goes nowhere and now Eddie with a chop in the corner. Taz is beginning to get pissed at Cole’s sanctimonious ramblings about family integrity and telling him to call the match. Chavo gets the side headlock and is sent off but hits a shoulderblock. They do it again with the same result. Chavo hits the “orale” taunt and Eddie gives him the finger and it ignites into a chop war. Nice intensity here. Eddie says fuck this and gives him a thumb to the eye but allows a clean break in the corner. Cole and Taz play up Eddie wanting to win this the right way and prove he’s a better wrestler. Eddie with a single leg and works a reverse armbar. They do the Greco-Roman test of strength pinning sequence and Chavo huracanranas Eddie to the floor. Nice. Chavo Sr. cuts off Eddie on the floor and drops him into the stairs. Chavo smashes him into the table and goes on the offense. He mounts and hits some crossfaces. Eddie reverses but still won’t strike. Chavo tries a single leg but gets caught into an armbar. He crawls and gets to the ropes. Chavo with a high angle back suplex and the arrogant dick heel cover for 2. Chavo hits 2 of the 3 Amigos, Lucky and Dusty but not Ned. Eddie counters and slides out. He sends Chavo into the corner but runs into a back elbow. Chavo tries a tornado DDT but Eddie counters and hits a few headbutts and hits all 3 including Ned. Eddie taunts and goes up top. He hits the Frog Splash for the 3 at 8:04. Criminally short match and abrupt finish. This felt like the first 8 minutes of a 30 minute classic. This could have been beautiful if they were given more time to really do their thing. As it is, it’s just a nice match. ***

• Post-match, Eddie gives Chavo Sr. the field goal nut shot and ties him up in the ropes and then beats the hell out of Chavo Jr. who does a blade job. That’s certainly a definitive ending for a face.

• Backstage, Benoit starts to give an interview after being number 1 in the RR by Heyman but is interrupted by a celebrating Flair and Batista and a presumptuously celebrating Orton with champagne. Flair simultaneously puts over Benoit as the best technical wrestler in the world but as someone who can’t win the big one. He then encourages Benoit to take it easy and take a drink because tonight is about Evolution and then proceeds to spill champagne on Benoit as Evolution drunkenly stumbles on to celebrate and Benoit is left to deal with it. This was a fucking great interview that perfectly got across the point and let Flair do the heavy lifting.

• WWE Championship: Bob Holly vs. Brock Lesnar (c). Brock is back to heel here. The video package for this was outstanding if you can get past them selling Holly as a contender. Lesnar accidentally broke Holly’s neck on a powerbomb and he wanted revenge. Simple enough. As soon as Brock jumps to the apron and his pyro hits, Holly punches him and sends him to the floor for some brawling. Bad move for Holly as he loses that battle. Lesnar tries to F5 him into the ringpost but Holly counters and sends Brock into the barricade and then into the ringpost shoulder first and now we’re in the ring and the belt rings. Holly goes up top but whiffs a flying hip check or some really shitty splash and jacks up his elbow. Brock goes to work. Brock with a snap suplex and decides just to kick Holly to the floor. Brock sends him into the apron as Cole puts over the feud because “Holly lost money because of the injury.” That sounds logical and everything but Cole makes it sound so stupid considering the other justifications he could use. Brock now goes to the waistlock and leg grapevine to “ground” Holly. Brock has caught his breath and decides to go back with some boots and hits a delayed fisherman buster for two and goes back to the hold. Er… yeah. Crowd not into the resthold. Holly gets to his feet and rotates and punches his way out. Holly runs into a belly to belly overhead suplex and Brock goes to the head and arm choke with the body triangle. Crowd getting rightly restless. Holly elbows out and hits a clothesline but Brock doesn’t go down. Holly with another and the Bluechipper dropkick and hits the Alabama Slam (“Cover ‘im Hardcore! Cover ‘im!”) and Holly goes for the fucking Masterlock. What the hell? He tries to lock it in with the rear mount. They roll to the floor and Holly still wants the Masterlock. He breaks the hold and breaks the count. Brock on the apron and Holly tries again but gets stungunned back in. Holly tries again but Lesnar counters and hits the F5 for the 3 at 6:31. Weird hybrid match. Some MMA psychology and high impact suplexes from Lesnar but let’s be honest: half the match is them lying on the mat in restholds. I would have liked more of the stuff like the beginning of the match with brawling outside the ring. *1/2

• Last Man Standing for the World Heavyweight Championship: Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H (c). These two had an epically long, on and off feud in 02-04 including the unsanctioned brawl at Summerslam 02, the Elimination Chamber at Survivor Series 02 where Michaels wins his only world title during his entire return, the 3 Stages of Hell match at Armageddon 2002, then the 30 minute title match on RAW from just a month before this which I think can only be found on the HBK: Heartbreak and Triumph DVD. They also had this seemingly 40 minute promo (approximation) that seemed to drag on forever using some extended metaphor to refer to DX as a goddamned wagon and who was carrying the load. We actually get inclusion of soundbytes from that promo in the video package.

• Triple H wins the power struggle early and slugs away in the corner. Michaels tries fighting back with chops. They trade rights and chops across both corners. Triple H with a headlock takeover and Michaels counters with a headscissors and they do the backslide bridge out. Odd in this stipulation. Triple H tries a body slam but Michaels slips out with more chops. He sends Triple H off but he hits a jawbreaker to come back. H with some shoulders in the corner and a hard irish whip sends Michaels slamming into the turnbuckle. Again and a backbreaker and there comes the built in psychology as JR points out the career ending back injury. Triple H tries another but Michaels flips out and tries a kneebreaker but they botch it (I think) and Triple H covers by hitting some rights. Michaels with a dragonscrew leg whip and applies the Figure 4. Michaels releases it after 30 ish seconds and tells Earl to count. Michaels then dropkicks the leg out from H and tells Earl to count again. He starts to get to his feet and HBK gets a head of steam but Trips lowers the bridge to sends HBK to the floor. Triple H takes apart the SAT and the other SAT. He sends HBK meekly into the stairs. Trips sets a vertical suplex from one table through another. Michaels resists and punches Triple H off the table to a chorus of boos for lack of high spot. HBK with a double ax handle off the table. Back in, HBK goes up top for another but jumps into a kick. Trips goes for the Pedigree but gets backdropped to the floor. Michaels tries a springboard crossbody but Trips ducks and Michaels sails into and through the regular SAT. Earl demands Triple H let him go. HBK blades but still manages to get up at 7. Triple H back on the offense. He mounts and hits some right hands. Earl counts again as Triple H demands that Shawn stay down. He gets up at another 7 count and Triple H hits more power right hands. This is a man sized blade job by HBK. He gets up at 8 and begs for more. Triple H with more rights. Triple H yells for him to stay down again and Michaels gets up at 8 and says bring it on. They trade rights and Michaels runs into a spinebuster as King says that’s it. The spinebuster beats ’em all. Triple H with another right and Michaels is DOA. Triple H gets a chair and nails HBK across the back and demands a count. Nice slow paced psychology with Michaels’ selling and Triple H’s selling disbelief of his resiliency so to speak. Michaels staggers to his feet at 9 and Trips can’t believe it. He calls for a Pedigree into the chair but gets countered and taken down on the chair and catapulted into the ringpost. HBK gets the chair and lays out Triple H with it and now he blades. He’s up at around 7 and they trade rights. Michaels hits the flying burrito and both are down. HBK kips up at 8 and hits some rights and an inverted atomic drop. He goes up top and hits the Macho elbow and he’s got his second wind and is feeling the energy from the crowd as they liven up. He goes for Sweet Chin Music but Triple H drops to his knees and punches Michaels with a low blow. Love that counter. Both are down an both are up at 8. They slug it out again. Michaels gets a sleeper out of nowhere. Trips gets up at 7 and more right hands from HBK. He ducks one though and hits a DDT and both are down again. Both up at 9. They try to slug it out but sell exhaustion. Triple H sends Michaels into the corner to do his upside down spot. Triple H follows in and tries a super back suplex but HBK counters with a crossbody on the way down. Both up at 9 again. Triple H hits the Pedigree and Triple H pulls himself up at 6. HBK up at 9 as the crowd cheers him on and he hits Sweet Chin Music and both collapse. HBK struggles to get up at 8 but can’t do it and both are counted out for a draw at 22:48. The fans boo that finish and a few more animated ones in the front row are giving Earl the middle finger for effect. Same finish as the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre match between Rock and Foley except they used chairshots to reach the same result. Evolution is out to help Triple H. This was a very good match that tried to scale back the ridiculously high demand for superfinishers and ultra violence and just went a little more basic. The difference between this and Batista-Undertaker from a couple years ago is the selling and the color. ***3/4

• Royal Rumble: Video package doesn’t focus on much other than Benoit being 1 and Goldberg being 30. Bischoff interrupts Fink and tells him to get out of his ring and comes out to cut a promo for no reason in particular. He runs down Heyman and he comes out. How about they both get the fuck out of OUR ring huh? You don’t interrupt one of the most enjoyable matches of the year for this shit. Sheriff Austin and his ATV come to break it up. He gives both a Stunner and drinks some beer. It’s a good thing the first four matches ran a combined half hour so we could waste 10 minutes with this horseshit.

• Goldberg in the back and starts to give an interview but Lesnar cuts him off and says what happened to his title belt last time they talked. Goldberg says he’s about to go win the RR and get his title back and then mocks Lesnar about Hardcore Holly and defends Foley. The WWE was always good at planting the seeds for the interpromotional monster match at WM. And the Foley overtones are about not standing up to Orton for spitting in his face and Foley just walked out. Austin invited Foley to the show tonight and they have been giving sporadic updates on the empty chair throughout the night. That was an epic feud as well. Meanwhile, Taz finally corners JR into admitting Foley is a coward for not being here tonight, but Taz compliments JR on his sweater-vest to smooth things over.

• Benoit is 1 and Orton is 2. Orton poses cautiously with the IC belt in the corner. Lock up and Benoit goes to work in the corner with boots and hits a back elbow and a snap suplex. Orton comes back with a European uppercut and they jockey for position in the corner. Benoit knees Orton to the gut as Mark Henry is out at 3 with Teddy Long’s current music. Intervals are looking about 90 seconds. Henry with a headbutt on Benoit and chokes Orton as Taz says that Henry “has a head like a farm animal.” Orton slyly hides in the corner and lets Henry work on Benoit. Tajiri is next and he’s sneaky like Repo Man so he must be heel. Tajiri with kicks and a handspring back elbow on Orton. Benoit hits a pair of Rolling Germans on Tajiri. Henry tries to toss Orton but he hangs on and hits the Bluechipper dropkick on Henry. Bradshaw of APA is next with 3 straight Clothesline from Hell but Benoit manages to fight him off and get a head of steam. Bradshaw dodges and Benoit eats turnbuckle. JBL runs for the Clothesline from Hell again but Benoit with the armbar takedown and locks in the Crippler Crossface. Beautiful. Bradshaw powers up and tries to dump Benoit but Benoit hangs on and JBL sails over the top. Rhyno is next and goes after Benoit as Tajiri puts the Tarantula on Tajiri. Rhyno with a spinebuster and Benoit and sets up the Gore. Benoit moves and Rhyno instead goes Henry and Tajiri is eliminated on the impact. Benoit drops Rhyno with a clothesline and Benoit clotheslines Henry once and gets another head of steam and sends him over the top. Nice sequence there. Orton and Rhyno jump back on Benoit. Benoit headbutts Orton as Rhyno hits the Snitsky taunt and asks the crowd, “Who’s the man?” but they answer Positively Kanyon. After all, Who better than Kanyon? Matt Hardy out next. Matt with a Side Effect on Rhyno and he tries to taunt but Benoit jumps all over him and tosses him but Hardy manages to hang on to the apron. Rhyno with a Gore in the corner on Hardy. Scott Steiner is out next. He has Steinerlines for all and a few suplexes on everyone and manages to exhaust his entire moveset from the previous year’s match with Triple H. Benoit retaliates with Rolling Germans on Steiner. Benoit with a high angle back suplex as Matt Morgan is next. You might have heard of him. He hammers on Benoit and hits a New Jersey Naptime powerbomb on Benoit and no sells some of Hardy’s weak shit and takes him down with a big boot and now we’re back to status quo. Rhyno spits on Benoit and tells him to get up as JR calls it’s a “not very classy move.”

• Hurricane out at 10. Hurricane with a crossbody on Hardy. He goes after Morgan and Morgan powerslams him to the floor and taunts. Morgan tries the same with Mattitude but he hangs on. Benoit chops away on Rhyno as the battle of the Matts continues. Orton chokes Steiner in the corner as he must be blown up. Booker T is out to some shitty remix. Steiner and Booker T pair off and quickly fall off into the shuffle. Booker with a scissor kick on Orton as Morgan lashes Benoit with a chop. Booker hits a fucking double pump crescent kick on Steiner like some shit outta Snake in the Eagle’s Shadow. Kane is next as Steiner gets lightly tossed over the top so he can catch his breath. Kane chokeslams Benoit. Morgan tries a powerbomb but Kane won’t budge and chokeslams Morgan down. Mardy tries a Side Effect but eats a sideslam and Orton eats a chokeslam and all are down but Kane has shit to show for it. Idiot. Undertaker is next? No. The first bass notes of his music play and the lights temporarily drop and Kane is adamant about burying him alive. Booker T sneaks him and tosses him. Spike Dudley is out instead and Kane jumps him in the aisle and chokeslams him on the ramp. Morgan is doing a whole lot of standing imposingly and heavy breathing. Rikishi is next. Rhyno gets a head of steam and Benoit tosses him. Rikishi with a superkick on Mattitude and rights for most everyone. He hits the Asscrack on Morgan and now we’re back to status quo again. Uhhh. Alright let’s change up the pattern here. Rene Dupree is next and this guy was fucking great for a midcard heel until they changed up his look. He does his strut in the aisle. He hangs Matt Hardy on the ropes and then dropkicks him to the floor. And it’s fucking DANCING TIME BITCHES! But he gets superkicked to the floor by Rikishi. A-Train is next and he looks to have shaved significantly his back since last year but still gets jeered. You bastards. Matt Morgan tries a big boot in the corner but gets hung up and Benoit tosses him. Orton and Benoit go back at it but Orton cuts off and tosses Rikishi and then Booker T. A-Train continues working on Benoit with a shoulderblock as Shelton Benjamin is next. Benoit meanwhile tosses A-Train. Benjamin with rights on Orton but Orton cuts him off with European uppercuts. Shelton tries a superkick on Orton but Orton ducks and he gets hung up and Orton dumps him. Benoit with chops and a high angle back suplex on Orton. Orton tries a charge in the corner but they collide and both are down. Ernest ‘The Cat’ Miller is out next. Cat uses this opportunity to dance but the crowd doesn’t care. This would work if he was kinda over or kinda hated but the case is neither. Maybe they should have used Norman Smiley instead. Benoit and Orton recover to toss Cat and his ring announcer. Orton hits his taunt. Kurt Angle is next and now we’re cooking. Angle apparently dedicated his performance to the troops. This is a full 2 years before he decided he hated them, wanted them to lose the war, and wasn’t a fan of, in his words, “the black people” or Jesus. Huge “You Suck” chant. Angle with a clothesline on Orton but gets taken down with a clothesline by Benoit. Benoit with hard chops on Angle in the corner. Benoit gets a head of steam but is taken down with a hard clothesline from Angle. Angle with a vertical suplex on Benoit. Angle gets him on his shoulders and tries to toss him.

• Rico is next at 20. JR and Taz both agree that Rico’s pants would get your ass kicked in Muskogee, Oklahoma and Brooklyn, New York. Rico hits some forearm to Orton’s neck and lands a step up kick in the corner. Orton hits an RKO on Rico as Benoit hits the Rolling Germans on Angle. Orton puts Rico on his shoulders and just dumps him like a bag of shit. I’ve always loved that elimination. Benoit goes up top but Angle crotches him and tries to toss him but Orton pulls both back down. Test’s music plays next but he doesn’t come out. We cut to the back and he’s laid out and Austin is pissed at someone and tells them to take his place. Foley’s music hits and Orton looks scared to hell and here comes Foley. Huge pop for his entrance as he punches the hell out of Orton and sends him from turnbuckle to turnbuckle. He hits the ‘Bang Bang’ and eliminates Orton and himself with a Cactus clothesline. “Foley” chant. Foley sends Orton into the stairs and chokes Randy with a camera wire. Christian is next to some generic heel music. It’s almost like they didn’t want him to get over considering all the shit they took from him. Meanwhile, Foley sends Orton into the timekeeper’s table and gets the stairs. The road agents, Deano Machino and Fit Finlay come out and Foley decides to hit Finlay with the stairs in a spot that always makes me laugh like hell but Orton blindsides Foley with a crushing chairshot to his head and another. Orton with right hands as they brawl up the aisle. He gets the chair again but Foley goes to his gut and pulls out Socko. Nunzio is next and Foley gives him Socko and Orton decides to give Orton a punt to the groin but Foley gives chase through the entrance way. That was fucking awesome but somehow detracts from the ring. Christian and Benoit are working over Angle as Nunzio takes a breather on the floor. Christian with chops on Benoit but Angle hits a pair of Germans on both. Big Show next. Showster with a right and a massive headbutt on Angle. Open hand chops on Benoit and Christian. Angle tries fighting back but no dice. Same for Christian as he eats another chop and gets tossed across the ring. Chris Jericho is out next. Jericho and Christian doubleteam Angle until Show headbutts both. Everyone gangs up and tires to dump Show until he casually refuses and toss them all off. Jericho and Angle go at it as Charlie Haas comes out next. Nunzio is still resting on the floor. The evil blond Canadians try to toss Benoit but he hangs on. They turn on each other and Christian tries to dump Jericho but he hangs on and backdrops Christian over the top. Angle hits a German suplex on Haas as Billy Gunn comes out and hits a pair of fameassers on Angle and Jericho and another on Showster. Benoit with a German suplex on Jericho. John Cena is next to a big pop. Cena spots the cowering Nunzio. Nunzio tells him to go to hell and then to go away. Cena slides him in and Nunzio jumps on him and so does Show. Nunzio starts directing traffic for Show. Nunzio tries deadlifting Showster so Show just chops him and Nunzio decides to fight another day. RVD is next. RVD with a spinning heelkick on Show but he doesn’t go over the top. RVD with a roundhouse on Jericho. Ring getting full now. Cena hits the FU on Angle.

• Goldberg is out last and the crowd perks up for his run. Goldberg spears Show and Billy Gunn. He swats Angle down and punches Jericho away. RVD gets nothing and Cena is casually shoved down. Haas eats a powerslam. Nunzio jumps on his back and Goldberg eliminates Haas in the meantime anyway. RVD hits Goldberg with some kicks as Goldberg throws Nunzio down and hits the most badass spear ever. Goldberg clotheslines Gunn to the floor and press slams Nunzio to the back. Goldberg preps a Jackhammer on Show which sounds insane even though of course Goldberg had done that numerous times and a 100 pounds or so ago on a younger Giant. But we don’t find out as Lesnar jumps him from behind and hits the F5 on him. Goldberg sells and yells at Lesnar as Angle eliminates him. Everyone gangs up on Show again and he shoves them all off and hits clotheslines on all and headbutts. Angle clips Big Show’s knee. Jericho hits the Lionsault and RVD hits the 5 Star Frog Splash on Show. Cena with the Shuffle and Benoit with the Diving Headbutt. Angle decides that everyone needs to team up and toss Show. I love it when they theatrically overstate the obvious for the audience because it’s funny as hell and yet important anyway. They all try to pick him up but Show tosses them off again. Cena gets a head of steam and gets tossed. He lands awkwardly on his knee. RVD kicks Show around and tries a monkey flip but gets tossed.

• Final Four: Jericho, Benoit, Angle, and Show. Show tries to toss Jericho. Jericho skins the cat and dropkicks Show and he’s teetering. Jericho tries a few more times. He gets backdropped to the apron. He goes to Show’s eyes and hits a bulldog off the top. Jericho rolls Show over into the Walls of Jericho but Angle breaks up the hold. FUCKING STUPID. Show slams Benoit down and chokeslams Jericho to the floor. Nice run for Jericho in the final four though. Angle gets a head of steam and runs into a side slam. Show grabs Benoit and hits the chokeslam. Angle tries a German on Show but Show counters by hipchecking him. Angle comes back with elbows and hits an AngleSlam on Show and another on Benoit. Angle drops the straps and asks the crowd who he should apply it to and goes for Big Show. Show tries to Chokeslam him but Angle rolls through and applies the anklelock and Show’s tapping. Show pulls himself up by the ropes and then over the apron and counters to toss Angle to the floor. Angle’s pissed and takes it out on the announce table. Benoit recovers and hits a diving headbutt on Show who falls into the ring. Benoit runs into a goozle but he counters the Chokeslam with the Crippler Crossface. Show taps again. Show powers up and sideslams Benoit to counter. Show Hulks up and drops his straps. Benoit staggers up and Show tells him it’s all over. Show presses him overhead and Benoit counters to a front facelock and Show sits him down on the apron. Benoit keeps torquing the neck and finally pulls Show over the top to win it at 61:31.

• A good but not great rumble. They tried to have this story of Orton and Benoit beating the odds to survive the first half but honestly that’s revisionist or just ignores the details of the kinda boring first 20-30 minutes. Orton spends the first half mostly doing generic RR stuff on the ropes until A-Train and Shelton hit and they decide to let him eliminate some people and that’s when it feels like the real match as starts as Angle hits the ring and Foley is out soon after to continue his awesome angle with Orton and the bigger names come out down the stretch. This RR had plenty of nice interactions (Rhyno/Benoit, Goldberg/Lesnar, Foley/Orton, Kane/UT, everyone against Show, and the Tajiri/Benoit/Rhyno/Rikishi sequence gets bonus points for being great) but the match too often fell into the pattern of having a big name come out and hit a few power moves but stupidly not eliminate anyone until he gets distracted and then tossed. I imagine my rating might be somewhat colored by it being a largely one man story of Benoit and his victory and it’s hard to avoid that but nonetheless I don’t think this is as good as the 01 or 02 rumble matches and definitely not as good as the 92. ****

The 411: You can't have an undercard on the RR with only 20 minutes total of wrestling. I mean, 3 title matches and one blood feud goes a half hour max combined. The Chavo-Eddie match is solid but feels so cheated on time and story. The HBK-Triple H match is the only one that gets enough time to do anything and it's an above average match heavy on psychology and selling but still isn't as good as the RAW match the previous month. The rumble match is good but can't elevate the show but so much.

Final Score:  6.0   [ Average ]