wrestling / TV Reports
The Armageddon 2005 Breakdown
WWE Armageddon
A battle of two of the most misused guys on Smackdown. Layfield runs his mouth early about how Hardy should feel honored getting in the ring with him. Matt interrupts, and it’s on. Hardy does the Hangman spot and JBL chokes him out. JBL does his usual, including a nice boot to the face. Hardy makes the token babyface comeback and hits a moonsault body block for two, but JBL rams him into an exposed turnbuckle and finishes with the Clothesline from Hell at 6:52. Good, but too short. They brought Hardy over for this? *1/2
The amount of PPV suckage is inversely proportional to how great Cole and Tazz are on commentary. Tonight, they have running jokes about George Hamilton and Tazz’s lawn. Don’t look now, but this is a tag match. This is a non-title tag match. This is a non-title tag match between two regular teams. Where the hell am I? Psicosis misses a charge to the corner but hits MNM with a corkscrew plancha. Supercrazy follows him with a springboard plancha off Charles Robinson’s back. Melina get involved, crotching Psicosis on the top. Psicosis plays face-in-peril after that. They even work in the false tag as Crazy gets knocked off the apron moments before Psicosis staggers to make the tag. The near tag follows moments later as Psicosis tries to jump over Mercury to his corner but gets caught. Mercury slaps Psicosis in the face, but Psicosis delivers an enzuigiri and gets the HOT TAG TO CRAZY! Crazy armdrags Nitro across the ring off a double fallaway slam. Nitro counters a wheelbarrow bulldog, taking Psicosis out of the match with a facebuster. Crazy hits Mercury with the moonsault, but Nitro makes the save, and MNM finishes with the Snapshot at 8:56. Not bad at all. MNM continues to impress, and the Mexicools were game. **3/4
Booker’s coming in with a 3-0 lead, so one more win and he’s champ again. I guess if Booker wins with the Crippler Crossface we’ll know if rumors of Benoit’s departure are true. Long feeling out process. You’d think that wouldn’t be necessary with these guys. Booker takes him down, but Benoit sits out and reverses. Benoit goes for the Crippler Crossface, but Booker slides to the outside. Benoit makes him pay by dismantling Booker’s leg with a Dragon Screw and Indian Deathlock. They trade chops, and Booker gets a messed up suplex. Benoit reverses a second one to a German Suplex for two. Booker knees Benoit to the floor, and they trade chops again. Booker posts Chris causing a “sickening thud.” Back in, Booker locks in an abdominal stretch as the crowd gets restless. Benoit hiptosses out of it. Booker blocks Rolling Germans but runs into a belly-to-belly. Benoit changes it up and hits the Triple Verticals in honor of Eddy Guerrero. The Rolling Germans follow, but Sharmell distracts Benoit long enough for Booker to catch him on the top rope. Benoit tries to counter a superplex but messes that up. Booker delivers a missile dropkick for two. Sharmell gives Chris a lowblow leading to the Scissors Kick by Booker. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Benoit rolls the shoulder at 2 3/4. BOOK EN-NO! Benoit reverses to the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! Booker…just does…make the ropes. More Rolling Germans. Benoit goes to the opposite corner and delivers the DIVING HEADBUTT! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Benoit goes for the Crossface, but Booker rolls through and takes out the referee in the process. Benoit locks in the Sharpshooter, but the ref is out. Sharmell hits Benoit with the broom, but it only pisses him off. Booker goes for the Book End again, but Benoit counters to a mid-air DDT and finishes with the Crippler Crossface at 20:10. Despite some boring segments in the middle and a few sloppy spots, they really got the crowd going by the end of the match. ***1/4
Lashley tosses Burchill all around the ring and brings Regal in for some whuppins too. The numbers get the better of him, and Burchill busts out a rolling senton. Regal and Burchill work over Lashley’s back, including Burchill hitting a knee off the top. Lashley no-sells all of it and starts suplexing and slamming everything in sight. Burchill falls to the Dominator at 3:38. WWE 2005: Wrestlers Need Not Apply. I don’t doubt that Lashley will one day be a talented performer and perhaps a future world champion, but he’s not ready for the push they’re giving him right now. Plus, they’ve killed another one of their tag teams. 3/4*
By all reports, Juvi has worn out his welcome, so this shouldn’t be in doubt. Juvi attacks before the bell but gets more than he bargained for. Kash pummels him, but Juvi comes back with a headscissors and gets two of a huracanrana. Juvi settles into a Fujiwara Armbar. Kash charges but gets back dropped to the floor. Juvi follows him to the floor with a pescado. Crowd chants, “Boring.” Kash works over Juvi’s shoulder, wrapping it around the ringpost. Back in, Kash locks in a stepover armbar and talks trash. Juvi tries to counter a headscissors but can’t because of his injured shoulder. Kash moonsaults over Juvi and springboards into a moonsault. That’s pretty cool, but Juvi blocks with the knees. Juvi rolls through a sunset flip and punts Kash in the face for two. Kash goes up but gets crotched. Juvi busts out a standing huracanrana off the top to quiet the smart-asses in the crowd. It only gets two. An enzuigiri gets two more. Kash counters the Juvi Driver to a brainbuster, but Juvi counters that back to the Juvi Driver. It only gets two. That should tell you something. Juvi misses the rolling legdrop off the top, and Kash finishes with the Dead Level (brainbuster) at 9:25. They did some good work, but the crowd didn’t care, I didn’t care, and most importantly, the WWE didn’t care. **
That makeshift codpiece of Mysterio’s is really disturbing. Of course, he’s been moving more and more toward Reydust with the face-painting, so “disturbing” probably works for him. Show overpowers Batista early, but Batista gets pissed and fires off the clotheslines. He can’t get Show off his feet until he blocks a charge and gets a running start. I like how Batista knows how to sell that sequence to the fans. Show cuts him off with a big boot to the face. Rey tags in and hits a series of quick moves on Kane. The springboard dropkick sets Kane up for the 619, but he bails to the floor. Batista sends him back in, but Big Show trips Rey from the other side and rams him into the post. The giants take over from there, bullying Rey around the ring. Rey counters the chokeslam to a bulldog, but Show cuts off the tag. That breaks the match down as Batista comes in and cleans house. Batista and Rey team up for that old Batman trick where he’d whip Robin into a kick. Batista clotheslines Big Show over the top, taking out one of the announce tables. Back inside, Kane catches up with Mysterio and chokeslams him for the pin at 8:37. That was disappointing average. **
Cole notes that this is Undertaker’s seventh HitC, so I guess their counting the one on Raw again. That shot of the Undertaker standing in front of the cell door in silhouette is Awesome, btw. I think the WWE keeps putting him in these matches just for the imagery. Randy tries to avoid him and locks on a side headlock. Taker shoves him aside and shoulderblocks him. Orton comes back with a hip toss and a dropkick. Taker tries to javelin Orton into the cage, but Orton avoids it and pummels him in the corner. Taker shrugs it off and destroys Randy with punches. Orton tries to crawl away, but Taker steps on his ankle. A chairshot busts Randy open. Randy grabs a chain, but it gets used against him. Taker finally does dart Orton’s face into the mesh. Orton tries to get fired up, but Taker no-sells and boots the ringsteps into Randy’s shoulder. Back inside, Randy explodes with the RKO on the ropes. Taker falls to the outside. Orton grabs that chain and chokes Taker out with it. Randy gets two off a chairshot. The crowd tries to get into it with a “Randy Sucks” chant. Taker delivers a running knee to Orton against the mesh. Bob Jr. grabs Taker by the hair through the mesh to hold him in place while Randy sets up a table in the ring. Taker fights both men off. Randy gets a messed up powerslam into the cage. Back to the ring, Randy charges right into a Flatliner for two. The Snake Eyes sets up a boot and a legdrop for two. The chokeslam gets two, but Randy gets his foot on the bottom rope. Randy sets up a Taker on the table and splashes him through it. That could have been ugly as Randy looked like he overshot it. Randy avoids the Last Ride, and the Undertaker accidentally takes out Nick Patrick. Randy counters the chokeslam to the RKO as another ref comes to check on Patrick. Charles Robinson comes in to replace Patrick, allowing Cowboy Bob to enter. Taker gets the Last Ride, but Bob pulls Robinson out. Randy counters a Tombstone to his own, but there’s no ref. Jimmy Korderis eventually comes in, but he only counts two before Taker kicks out. Taker does the Zombie sit up and counters the RKO by throwing Randy away. Boot to Bob. Tombstone to Randy for the win at 30:32. They were going for the original HitC’s psychology of the cowardly heel having nowhere to run, but Randy isn’t the performer that Shawn Michaels was, and the Undertaker seemed disinterested. They did redeem the match in the last ten minutes, but – this being the WWE – everything turned into one giant clichй. The whole idea behind the cell is for two guys to be locked inside until one man is victorious, but you can’t have that in the WWE, so you get all of these silly excuses to get someone else into the cage, or get the two guys out of the cage. From a booking standpoint, the only way Taker going over makes any sense is if he’s involved in some sort of Triple Threat with Orton & Batista, or if they’re building to an Orton/Taker rematch at WrestleMania where Orton ends his streak. **1/2
Final Thoughts: The year comes to a depressing close for the Smackdown brand as they struggle to find some kind of identity in the post-Guerrero era. Batista, the most over guy on their roster, is treading water, seemingly waiting for Orton who’s being jobbed out, I assume in the name of tradition. In fact, the entire Smackdown roster seems to be waiting for something to happen. JBL isn’t doing anything of note. Ditto Matt Hardy. MNM really has nothing to do with no other comparable teams to wrestle. Who knows what’s going on with the Boogeyman. Booker isn’t over. Benoit is only over out of habit. This brand needs as shakeup if the brand extension is to survive. As for this PPV on its own: everything was either average or slightly above average, but nothing worth your money.
Recommendation to avoid Armageddon 2005.
J.D. Dunn
